00:00Now we review the film Lumina. I'm so excited.
00:07Alright ladies and gentlemen, I am Richard, this is Random Street Theater, and you folks know I love my sci-fi.
00:14So, when Lumina came out, well, I was gonna watch it.
00:20Before I get any further, let me remind you that for every 1,000 subscribers I get a new purchase of one of these bracelets.
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00:35Now Lumina, if you've seen the commercial, the commercial is basically the first few minutes of the movie.
00:42You know, a couple of friends are at a house, there's like three chicks and one dude,
00:49and suddenly their drinks start going all CGI, and, like, the dude's girlfriend, who's swimming in the pool, disappears.
01:01Okay? Cops are like, have you been ingesting any controlled substances or, you know, hallucinogens?
01:12Because this sort of thing doesn't happen.
01:15And then the dude gets all whacked out because his girlfriend disappeared, and becomes a total dick.
01:23I mean, really, it's like, I get it, man. You're missing your girlfriend, and that can be very frustrating.
01:30But that's no reason for you to be a dick.
01:33And then it's like, you know, the one of the four chicks is this busty chick that he lives with,
01:40and, I mean, she's just bouncing around throughout the whole movie.
01:45Never shows any skin, but bounces around throughout the whole movie.
01:48And I'm sitting there thinking, you've got that living with you, and you're concerned about missing...
01:55That's love right there. I mean, this chick is curvy, your girlfriend's kind of, you know, rail-thin.
02:04I guess you like them bony.
02:08Anyway, so at the end of the first act, douchey guy, he shaves his beard and enlists the help of a weirdo to find his girlfriend.
02:24And then they go on an adventure to go find his girlfriend. You know, it's... yeah.
02:31There are a lot of WTF moments.
02:36You know, like, there's a moment where they all go out into the woods, or the desert.
02:42This is set primarily in the... I think it's the Mojave? Is it the California desert there?
02:49So it's either California, Arizona, or someplace like that.
02:53And, you know, they just go out into the desert in the middle of the night.
02:56They're just stretching their legs for no apparent reason.
02:59And they run into this horny couple, and the chick strips to her underwear and does some weird...
03:06And you're like, what is going on?
03:10You know, and like, just the...
03:16The movie is more like a fever dream than it is an alien abduction story.
03:24I mean, the very end of the movie they give you statistics on how many people they believe have been abducted or visited by aliens.
03:31But, you know, the thing about this film is that it does not make a lot of sense.
03:39And the creature design looks reasonably shoddy. It feels like a particularly low-budget film.
03:46The CGI is not good.
03:49I mean, normally I just love movies like this.
03:53And to be completely honest with you, I didn't hate this movie.
03:58But it didn't... I mean, it just sort of sat there.
04:04This is like a...
04:08You know, it's like French fries from Carl's Jr.
04:12You know, they're not great French fries.
04:14I mean, McDonald's has great French fries. Carl's Jr., it's like, eh.
04:18They've had horrible French fries in the past, and their French fries are kind of better now.
04:22And you're just not impressed.
04:25And that's kind of how this film was.
04:28The characters didn't feel very believable.
04:31You know, and it's sort of the leaps in logic that are made...
04:35...really make you question.
04:40Hmm...
04:44I'm... I should probably get some sleep. It's late.
04:48But...
04:50All in all, this is kind of a under-the-radar film.
04:56I mean, it is getting a 4% on... or a 4 out of 10 on IMDb.
05:03But it is getting a 0% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes, with no critics' score whatsoever.
05:09So, yeah...
05:12I mean, this falls into the lower half of your watch list.
05:15If you are the kind of person who has an alien itch...
05:19...you could probably scratch your alien itch with Lumina.
05:23Uh...
05:25Lumina. Lumina.
05:28L-U-M-I-N-A.
05:32But... I mean, it's...
05:35At its beginning, it's a story filled with unlikable characters.
05:39And at its end, it's cheesy science fiction that is worthy of the Sci-Fi Channel.
05:47There are scenes that appear to be set on Mars that the opening teaser...
05:52...is just randomly someone in a space suit in what appears to be Mars...
05:56...looking at what's kind of a tiny dinosaur.
05:59That's the very first scene of the movie.
06:01And nothing to do with the rest of the movie.
06:04So, yeah, I mean, this is in theaters by me.
06:07And I was like, OK, well, that's cool. I wonder what that is.
06:11And I remember after I went in to see it, I was like, OK, no, I've seen commercials for this.
06:16I remember this commercial.
06:18So, now I know what this is.
06:20It still seems to have been a very limited release.
06:24So, again, if you're into indie films, you should probably watch this.
06:29It's kind of what you expect from a film without a lot of backing.
06:33You know, not very well-known actors.
06:37It's a good film in that, you know, there's a lot of female characters...
06:41...but they do kind of blend together.
06:43They're not given a lot of strong personality.
06:46And, I mean, this is a wonderful concept.
06:49And, I mean, it's a done concept, but it's a very strong concept.
06:53It's just the execution wasn't very good.
06:56And I think it's probably just...
06:59...the filmmakers needed more experience.
07:02And the budget was kind of low.
07:05So, that's kind of what we're looking at.
07:08Anyway, so, lower half of the Watchlist.
07:10Not a great film.
07:12But we'll scratch the alienage if you have one.
07:14I'm Richard.
07:15Greetings, humans!
07:17Your old pal Randall here again, reminding you to comment, like, and subscribe.
07:21You see, I got my bracelets from Ferocian.
07:24And I got another!
07:25Another medal from The Conqueror!
07:27Yeah, yeah, look at that! See?
07:29See? That's got an Easter Island head on it!
07:33Because, if you can't afford to go to Easter Island...
07:37...you can go and walk Easter Island virtually...
07:41...by going to The Conqueror.
07:43You could not screw up the environment...
07:45...by traveling to Easter Island.
07:47You could just get this...
07:49...plant five trees...
07:51...and then walk on your own...
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07:56And if you comment, like, and subscribe...
07:59...you can help the guy that owns this channel...
08:01...buy things like this...
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08:09...and make a better world for you!
08:11And it isn't gonna cost you anything!
08:13So, so don't you have something to say?
08:16I mean, shouldn't you in the comments down below...
08:18...say how grateful you are...
08:20...that this man has planted so many trees...
08:22...and pulled so much trash out of the ocean...
08:24...and there are all those good things for you?
08:27No?
08:29Ungrateful human!
08:31I SHOULD EAT YOUR FACE!
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