- 2 years ago
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00:00Now we review the Acolyte Episode 7, Choice.
00:05Alright, ladies and gentlemen, I have seen the seventh episode of the Acolyte.
00:10I realize it's a couple days later than maybe I should have reviewed it, but, uh...
00:15Ugh. I don't actually have streaming services. I have to rely on friends.
00:21And, you know, my friends were,
00:24Richard, you gotta see this!
00:26No, I don't, dude. I really don't.
00:28No, Richard, you gotta see this!
00:30Then I saw it, and I was like,
00:32It's Episode 3! Only more Jedi!
00:36Before I go any further, let me remind you that for every thousand subscribers I get,
00:40I do purchase one of these bracelets from 4ocean.
00:444ocean pulls a pot of trash out of the ocean every time I do that.
00:47If you'd be so kind as to comment, like, and subscribe, you'd be doing your part for a better world.
00:51Now, for those of you who are not familiar with the Acolyte,
00:55the Acolyte appears to be...
00:59one of two evil twins who were created by the Force, Anakin Skywalker-style,
01:05um, who were being incubated by some lesbian Force witches in a coven
01:13on what is now revealed to have used to have been a dead planet,
01:17and the lesbian Force witches got waxed, or waxed themselves,
01:24and now one twin is angry and wants revenge,
01:28and the other twin is a good person.
01:32Alright, so, this is an episode about the waxing of lesbian Force witches.
01:38And what is going on is that, um,
01:43there's a team investigating a planet that a hundred years ago
01:49was deemed unlivable, it used to be a living planet,
01:53and then some kind of a hyperspace accident destroyed the ecosphere,
01:59so it was a dead world, alright?
02:03There is a mining facility on this dead world,
02:07so why the ecosphere would have needed to be there for mining, I don't know,
02:12but there was mining on this dead world.
02:16And the Jedi are like,
02:18Wow, there's a big forest here!
02:20We need to go investigate it with four people, even though it's an entire planet!
02:25And of course, you've got the one chick that died in the first episode,
02:30is leading the team,
02:32the insane suicide monk from the second episode
02:38is a whiny little Wesley Crusher slash Luke Skywalker
02:45when he was still whiny, sort of a creature,
02:48and then the Wookiee,
02:52which we really don't get much time with the Wookiee,
02:55he's a very underused Wookiee.
02:57If you're gonna bring in a Wookiee, you need to use that Wookiee properly.
03:00Anyway, so the Wookiee is of course not dead yet,
03:04because this is the past,
03:06and he's there doing Wookiee things,
03:09and then you have Squid Game Guy,
03:13who is of course much younger,
03:15and...
03:18paranoid, I guess?
03:19I mean, his character is very unmotivated.
03:22And they've been there for seven weeks,
03:25and being there for seven weeks,
03:28scanning the moss for the Force,
03:31are plants Force?
03:32I mean, the Force connects all of us,
03:34so everything is connected to the Force,
03:37but why are we scanning?
03:39I mean, they're like,
03:40the Force could create life!
03:43Alright, but I mean, it's a big planet,
03:45and you're four people,
03:47and you're not even going off in your own direction,
03:49and I mean, bad stuff, I mean, I grant you're Jedi,
03:52but bad stuff can happen when you're alone,
03:54especially when there's a Padawan
03:56who's whiny and wants to go home.
03:59So, this whole situation makes no sense.
04:03Like, they should be scanning from orbit,
04:05they should be sending down droids and missions,
04:07there should be, you know, like,
04:09if this were Star Trek,
04:11there would be a starship assigned to this.
04:14And this starship would be like,
04:16alright, today we found something interesting on the scans,
04:19send out an away mission,
04:21okay, we're here with our metal detectors,
04:24we found nothing, we're going back now,
04:27that's what should basically be happening.
04:29I mean, there's just so much more you could be doing from orbit.
04:32But I mean,
04:34even then, like, finding a landing spot,
04:37are you on the right continent,
04:39all kinds of questions arise,
04:41but that's not what this is about.
04:42So then,
04:44the two Force twins,
04:47the two Anakin's,
04:49I guess, like,
04:51whiny wants to go home guy,
04:53he's like, I want to go home to Coruscant!
04:55I hate being here!
04:57There's nothing but trees here,
04:59and I have to eat Wookiee cooking!
05:01They're like, do not insult the Wookiee's cooking.
05:04He will tie you in a knot and shove it up your ass.
05:07Anyway, so he finds one of the Force twins,
05:10and he's like, finally!
05:12Finally there's something on this planet!
05:14And, you know, so they follow them back home,
05:16and that's where the lesbian Force witches live, okay?
05:21And then, like, Squid Game guy is like,
05:24something is not right here.
05:26Those children, there's like two children,
05:29and forty lesbians,
05:31and I can't deal with that.
05:33Like, dude, I mean,
05:35lesbians make perfectly good parents.
05:37I don't know why you're so, I mean,
05:40granted, those kids will probably grow up to be lesbians,
05:43but there's nothing wrong with that.
05:45But he's like, no, I fear for their safety.
05:47This is a terrible place.
05:49We have to do something.
05:50And the Jedi Council's like,
05:52they're too old to be Jedi,
05:54even though they have a higher M count,
05:57which I'm guessing is midichlorian count,
05:59than Yoda.
06:01It's like, dude, drop the midichlorian thing.
06:03It's dumb.
06:07Okay, firstly speaking,
06:09Luke was, in his teens,
06:11or early twenties,
06:13when he became a Jedi.
06:16A Jedi, you know?
06:20And Yoda, in A New Hope,
06:24said, oh, he's too young.
06:27Oh, he's too old.
06:29He was just messing with them.
06:31There's no age to become a Jedi.
06:33I mean, if you're strong with the Force,
06:35you can ward off death.
06:37You can live for hundreds of years.
06:39So it's like, look,
06:40if they found an eighty-year-old man
06:42who was very Force-sensitive,
06:44and he said, you know what, dude?
06:45Sure, I'll become a Padawan.
06:47I'll seek out the Force.
06:49Then they would be like,
06:51well, the Force has brought you to us
06:53for a reason.
06:55We must obey the Force.
06:57Let's bring him in.
06:59They would at least have that conversation.
07:01That's the impression I got
07:03from the original trilogy, anyway.
07:05So this stuff, it's like,
07:07oh, they're too old.
07:08Well, how young do you need to be
07:10to become a Jedi now?
07:12That's kind of the question.
07:14These people,
07:16I mean, they look human,
07:18but they're not humans,
07:20because this is before Earth evolved.
07:22They're not human.
07:24They're not us.
07:25We don't know how long they live.
07:26It's never been established
07:27how long they live.
07:28And just because they look like humans
07:30doesn't make them humans.
07:32Especially if they were conceived by the Force,
07:34and their mama is not the person
07:36that carried them as children,
07:38is clearly not a human.
07:39So we don't know how long they live.
07:41How do you know they're too young?
07:43You would need to do some more evaluation.
07:45But anyway,
07:47so, under the guise of
07:49testing them for the Force,
07:51the Jedi are like,
07:53let's do some more snooping around.
07:55And then one of the twins,
07:57because they're apparently
07:59split of the same personality,
08:01and always disagree with each other,
08:03one of them
08:05wants to become a Jedi,
08:06and the other one doesn't.
08:08But when they're like,
08:10okay, she wants to be a Jedi,
08:11we're going to take her away,
08:13the Coven Master,
08:15which she transforms into
08:17a weird vapor,
08:19and is like,
08:21and the Jedi's freak out,
08:23and stab the vapor
08:25with a lightsaber,
08:27apparently killing her,
08:29thus making one of the evil twin
08:31hate the Jedi,
08:33and then the rest of the Force
08:35which is mind control the Wookiee,
08:37who for some reason doesn't
08:39absolutely own the rest of the Jedi.
08:41Right?
08:43If I haven't said it, spoiler warning here.
08:47Alright, so,
08:49the three Jedi
08:51beat back the Wookiee,
08:53and get his mind back into
08:59Jedi-ness,
09:01and then the Force witches
09:03all die, except for the two kids.
09:05One of the kids
09:07falls off a ledge,
09:09tried to be saved by
09:11Squid Game Guy,
09:13he saves the other one,
09:15and then the whole thing burns down!
09:19Even though it's a
09:21mining fortress,
09:23it is worth it to say
09:25that they should have probably
09:27seen that large building,
09:29that mining fortress,
09:31from Orbit,
09:33known it was there,
09:35that should have been their headquarters,
09:37that should have been where the ship
09:39came down.
09:41So, why they've been here for
09:43seven weeks and not seen this,
09:45none of it makes any sense.
09:47This is the problem.
09:49Unless the Force witches did this
09:51to get the Jedi to think
09:53they were all dead and disappear,
09:57it just doesn't make any sense.
09:59These are Force
10:01users, and Force users
10:03should at least have more of a dialogue.
10:05At the end of the day,
10:07if they're like,
10:09look, we're 40 Force users,
10:11you're four Force users,
10:13you need to leave, the Jedi should be like,
10:15alright, we are technically the
10:17police of the
10:19galaxy here, but
10:21we're not going to
10:23get into a fight where we can't win.
10:25So, that doesn't make a lot of sense.
10:27None of this makes a lot of sense.
10:29That's kind of the problem, is that it's all
10:31put together in this very strange way,
10:33and then in the end, they've got the one kid
10:35who theoretically witnessed
10:37all this, at least part of it,
10:39and she's Force sensitive, so she
10:41would know what happened, and then
10:43they just say, well, we're not going to tell the
10:45Council the full story,
10:47we're going to doctor the report to make
10:49us look better.
10:53So, why?
10:55What did they do that was so wrong?
10:57I don't get it.
10:59Like, hey, I thought
11:01she was attacking me, I'm
11:03Force sensitive, I sensed hostility,
11:05and I blasted her for it,
11:07I stabbed her with a lightsaber,
11:09look, after being stabbed
11:11with a lightsaber, she's like, I was going to
11:13let Osha go!
11:15Okay, well, I mean,
11:17you have been stabbed by
11:19a lightsaber, but you were missed,
11:21so, I would assume that
11:23your Force powers could do something,
11:25you know, in one of
11:27the
11:29sequel trilogy, you could
11:31like, Force heal people, so I mean,
11:33you know, but what's
11:35going on?
11:37But it just, it's
11:39it's like an AI
11:41wrote this,
11:43and the AI didn't understand
11:45motivation, it's like,
11:47well, the guy has to have
11:49a reason for what he does, let's
11:51give him the motivation that he wants to go home.
11:53Okay, but he's a Jedi
11:55Padawan, and
11:57he's older than the twins, so he's been a Jedi
11:59Padawan for a couple years now,
12:01he should have better self-control
12:03than that, I mean,
12:07I grant that Jedi should all
12:09have their own personality, but
12:11shouldn't they be, you know,
12:13all Jedi?
12:15It makes as much sense as
12:17that guy being able to stop
12:19the Wookiee with brute Force
12:21when it's a Wookiee, I mean, the Wookiee
12:23could have tied him in a knot.
12:25So,
12:27I mean,
12:29the Acolyte
12:33wouldn't be good if it wasn't
12:35Star Wars, but it's
12:37like, you know, some low-budget
12:39movie, without
12:41with Star Wars
12:43painted on top of it.
12:45This is like somebody took a bunch
12:47of toys from a dollar store
12:49and painted
12:51the logos of Star Wars on it
12:53and then, you know, flew them around
12:55playing with them. It's not
12:57very
12:59Star Wars.
13:01It doesn't match.
13:03It doesn't have the right flavor.
13:05Anyway,
13:07if you enjoyed Episode
13:093,
13:11you would probably enjoy this. It gives you
13:13more insight into the senseless
13:15and mindless
13:17frustrations of the series.
13:19If you're not enjoying this so far,
13:21you're not going to. I mean,
13:25exactly what
13:27we're supposed to take away, if anything
13:29from this, is that we watched
13:31a piece of Star Wars.
13:33And if you love Star Wars,
13:35you watch everything Star Wars.
13:37Me, I mean, I loved them as a
13:39kid, but I'm an adult now,
13:41and it's not as good as it was
13:43as a kid. Star Wars, the original
13:45Star Wars, it was innovative.
13:47It was
13:49a lot of hard work.
13:51It was something that changed
13:53the landscape
13:55of the film industry.
13:57Now, it's just
13:59a show, and it's not
14:01a very good one. Anyway,
14:03so I would say, put this at the bottom
14:05of your watch list. If you have
14:07the streaming service and you've been following
14:09Star Wars, it's probably
14:11good to watch this because,
14:13you know, you
14:15want to keep updated. But if you
14:17don't have the streaming service,
14:19you've got to wait until your friends
14:21bring it out for you, because this
14:23just isn't very good. Anyway,
14:25that's just my opinion. I'd love to hear yours. Comments below.
14:27I'm Richard. Greetings, humans!
14:29Your old pal Randall here again,
14:31reminding you to comment, like, and subscribe.
14:33You see, I got my bracelet
14:35from Ferocian, and I got
14:37another! Another medal from the Conqueror!
14:39Yeah, yeah, look at that!
14:41See? See?
14:43That's got an Easter Island head on it!
14:45Because
14:47if you can't afford to go to Easter Island,
14:49you can go and walk
14:51Easter Island virtually
14:53by going to the Conqueror.
14:55You could not screw up the
14:57environment by traveling
14:59to Easter Island. You could just get this,
15:01plant five trees,
15:03and then walk on your own
15:05and learn about Easter Island, because I sent
15:07you postcards. And if
15:09you comment, like, and subscribe,
15:11you can help the guy that owns this channel
15:13buy things like this
15:15so he can plant trees,
15:17and buy bracelets like this from Ferocian
15:19so he can pull trash out of the ocean
15:21and make a better world for you!
15:23And it isn't gonna cost you
15:25anything! So, so don't
15:27you have something to say? I mean,
15:29shouldn't you in the comments down below
15:31say how grateful you are
15:33that this man has planted so many trees
15:35and pulled so much trash out of the ocean,
15:37and there are all those good things for you?
15:39No?
15:41Ungrateful human!
15:43I SHOULD EAT YOUR FACE!
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