00:00Now we review episode 5 of Star Wars the Acolyte.
00:07Alright ladies and gentlemen, I am Richard, this is my channel, and I am reviewing Star Wars the Acolyte, episode 5.
00:16Spoiler alert by the way, because there's nothing to talk about if I'm not spoiling at this point.
00:22Just to be clear, I'm talking about the whole episode, if you haven't seen it, you may be spoiled, and you know, there you are.
00:31So before I go any further, let me remind you that for every 1,000 subscribers I get, I do purchase one of these bracelets from 4ocean.
00:384ocean pulls a pound of trash out of the ocean every time I do that. I'm trying to save the world, you should too be a good Jedi.
00:44Now, episode 5 of the Acolyte starts exactly where episode 4 left off.
00:50You have a bunch of Jedi in the middle of a soundstage that's made to look like the forest, and a large house for a Wookiee Jedi
00:58that has just been killed by some dude with a weird zipper smiley-faced S&M hat, or helmet, and you know, S&M guy has a red lightsaber,
01:10for I guess he's a Sith. And for some reason, Jedi in this suck. They just suck. There's like a gang of them, there's like 12 of these dudes,
01:21and they can't stand up to Sith guy right here. And this is the worst reveal in the entire world.
01:29Yeah, yeah, you know that whiny guy who looks like anybody could take him out? Yeah, he's a Sith Lord.
01:39He's not a Darth or anything, he's just a Sith Lord. He's generic Sith Lord number 2, but it's like, you find this out when he puts on his Sith armor,
01:46and his arms get roided out. Like, I know that that was probably makeup, and that they probably made his arms look wimpy with makeup before,
01:59and it's like, okay, this is what you do. You get the arms there, and you add some shading to make the muscles pop, and now he's Sith Lord with these big buffed-out arms
02:13who can take out Jedi for no apparent reason. Look, I understand that Darth Vader was intimidating because he was originally played by a bodybuilder.
02:23The person in the suit was a bodybuilder. But do understand here that this guy is a Sith Lord, and muscle really shouldn't be his thing.
02:33So, I get it, he's more intimidating, but the intimidating part should be that he goes through Jedi like I go through jelly beans.
02:47I don't really go through jelly beans. Like, I go through M&Ms. Like, if you hand him a bag of Jedi, it's like, yeah, he might take a while to get to them, but once that bag is open, he's like, nom nom nom nom.
02:58So, this is probably the first problem I have with this episode, is that Jedi just suck. I mean, we saw the first trilogy, and they're building up Jedi, or these big and powerful things,
03:11and apparently they're just not. Jedi do not appear to have any real fighting ability in this. They can get put down by dust.
03:25Okay, so then, of course, the chick that looks like the chick that killed all the Jedi in all the other episodes, she takes her robot dude and sticks him on the Sith guy's back.
03:38And, well, as that's happening, the dude from Squid Games is talking to the Sith guy who just killed all of his friends, instead of trying to murder the Sith guy who just killed all of his friends, which would be the appropriate thing to do.
03:54And then they stick a light on his back, and all the giant bug things from the last episode come and carry him off. Like, I guess they can't hurt him, but, you know, there were more Jedi attacking him than there were bug things, and the Jedi got owned.
04:12So, why is that? That's something I don't get. And another standout from this episode is the fact that this guy's armor is apparently made from something that shorts out lightsabers.
04:24Now, this is from the pre-Disney Star Wars, what's now called Star Wars Legends, that there is such a thing as a metal that will short out a lightsaber for a short period of time, and you can make your armor out of it.
04:40Okay? So, why this guy is just wearing a helmet out of that, not just completely clad in it, could be that this metal is obviously hard to find, and expensive. Why he painted a zipper smiley face on this metal, I don't know, but maybe that's just his trademark.
05:00Okay? That could be a thing. But, your enjoyment of this episode really has to stem from the idea that, one, you just can't be that smart, and two, you can't love Star Wars.
05:15Because if you're that smart, you now know that if this guy says he's a Sith, the idea that the Sith have been extinct has to go bye-bye, which is something that was in the movies. So, why does it have to go bye-bye?
05:31Why does it have to go bye-bye? Well, because in our modern day, a ship has a ship's log. In fact, even a truck, a truck driver, a guy that drives the big trucks to move freight across the country, he has to keep a log book by law. Alright? And he does this for a particular reason, for safety reasons.
05:53Well, a ship in the modern day that travels on the ocean, it also has a log. Because we need to know what's going on with it. And it's just, one thing that happens is ships get found, and there's no crew on board, and we look at the log, okay? So every commercial ship, and every military ship, and every coast guard ship has this log.
06:12A Jedi ship would have this log, so unless the ship that they're in blows up between here and getting wherever it's going, there would be a log on board that would say, this guy identified himself as a Sith, so many Jedi's died, and then, you know, there's that thing, okay?
06:30The other thing being is, you know all those Jedi's that died in this episode? Yeah, you know they left their bodies. Jedi's do not disappear at this point. In fact, you know, in the original trilogy, Obi-Wan Kenobi disappearing was a weird thing. Vader's like, poking at his clothes going, what happened to him?
06:49So, why would you leave Jedi bodies before the disappearing thing became a thing? You would at least be collecting their lightsabers and any of their gear, and these people are your friends. You would want them to have a decent burial. They fell in the line of duty. You would want them to come home. You would want them to be, you know, touted as heroes.
07:13But no, let's just leave them in the woods for the animals to eat. It's not like we can drag them aboard the ship or anything. And I mean, let's also leave their lightsabers behind where any idiot can pick one up and then start using it for whatever ridiculous reason.
07:31You know, what if an animal steps on one and turns it on and starts a forest fire? Okay, now you're responsible for the death of thousands and thousands of creatures for no good reason other than your negligence. Why are Jedi's so dumb? It just doesn't make any sense.
07:48And the crowning cherry on this shit-sundae is that the two chicks, the murderer chick and her twin sister, they switch places. The twin sister, not by choice. The murderer chick wants to go with the Jedi, alright?
08:04But a Jedi should be able to sense who a person is. Their senses are beyond who we are. So just because two people are twins shouldn't mean that a Jedi could mistake them. A Jedi should be able to look at people and be like, okay, you're this person, okay, you're that person, using their force because the force connects us all.
08:26So that whole thing, being ridiculously stupid, and I mean, if you believe in the movies and that's unbreakable lore, you know that every person that heard this guy say, call me Sith, has got to die because the Sith were not known to have come back for a long time.
08:48And I mean, I'm told that the timeline is between the Sith going extinct and the Sith coming back for the prequels. So there is a thing, there is a thing, we don't know what's going on because all those people have got, I mean, they're just a walking dead at this point, they're zombies, because in order for the story to work, they gotta go.
09:14So yeah, look, I mean, not a lot of thought went into this TV show, and maybe we should think of it as exactly what it is. It's a TV show. Look at the lightsaber battles and enjoy them. The lightsaber battles would be a lot better if they were shot better, but eh, I guess that's a minor complaint. Anyway, this belongs at the bottom of your watch list. It's not great. I'm Richard.
09:38Ladies and gentlemen, I am Barry, the official strawberry poison dart frog of Random Street Theater, and I am here to remind you, of course, that for every thousand subscribers Random Street Theater gets, they buy one of these bracelets I'm wearing as a necklace.
09:55These bracelets are from the company 4ocean, and for every one of them that's purchased, a pound of trash is removed from the ocean. Why should you care? Because the world is full of trash, and you shouldn't be part of that. We should all take responsibility, do our part for the environment, and make my home much cleaner.
10:15In addition, Random Street Theater has paid for more than a hundred trees to be planted. Comment, like, and subscribe. Support a better world for you, and a better world for me. I'm Barry.
Be the first to comment