00:00 You lack something within and to make up for it, you are going to the other person.
00:08 You are looking at the other person primarily in a utilitarian way.
00:14 You want to use the other person.
00:18 If you really want to understand things, we will have to be blunt.
00:23 You want to use the other person.
00:27 It's not very different from exploitation.
00:29 It appears like love, but you just want to use the other person as something that would
00:38 plug a hole here or here or somewhere.
00:45 The woman, for example, might have been conditioned by the body of the society to have somebody
00:50 walking by her side.
00:53 The man might again be driven by his physical needs or peer pressure to demonstrate that
01:01 he too carries a partner or a consort.
01:08 So that's how people feel attracted.
01:11 Somebody's body is attractive.
01:13 Somebody looks a super achiever.
01:16 Somebody carries a lot of money.
01:19 Somebody's quite famous.
01:22 And then you get drawn towards that person.
01:25 Why?
01:26 Because that's something that you would want to add to yourself.
01:31 Can I have her body available to me?
01:34 That will fulfill a certain need.
01:37 Can I have her money available to me?
01:40 Can I have his prestige or his power available to me?
01:46 That would compensate for my lack of these things.
01:50 So that's what is happening.
01:51 Now the need that is there, somehow it happens that it never can get fulfilled.
02:00 Be it a man, be it a woman, be it any person, all of us feel a certain hollow within.
02:08 There is a void, there is an emptiness, an incompletion that constantly bugs us.
02:16 We feel it.
02:18 We feel it and it is for the sake of filling up that hollow that we work so much, that
02:28 we do much of what we do, including striking relationships.
02:35 So that's how you get associated with someone.
02:37 But we said the need cannot really be met by anybody.
02:42 So what would happen now?
02:47 I have brought something home and that which I have brought home is not doing what I expected
02:54 to do.
02:55 Won't I be annoyed?
02:58 Resentment.
02:59 There is resentment.
03:00 There would be resentment.
03:03 And in many cases it can take the form of very obvious toxicity.
03:15 You may even get physically violent.
03:22 Or there could be micro episodes of subtle violence continuously.
03:30 You might probably be cultured or sophisticated enough to not physically beat up the other.
03:36 But through your expressions, through subtle hints, gestures, so all through all those
03:45 little things that we do throughout the day with our partners.
03:50 Because we know their buttons.
03:51 We know their buttons.
03:52 So we can play around with things.
03:55 All the non-verbal communication and all such stuff.
03:59 So we keep on beating up the other in subtle ways.
04:07 We keep on hitting the other, hurting the other.
04:11 Why?
04:12 Because we are hurt in the first place that the other is not giving me what I really need.
04:17 That's at the root of toxicity.
04:19 A relationship that is founded on flawed principles in the first place.
04:26 And if the relationship is flawed in the first place, then you cannot avoid toxicity later on.
04:33 Toxicity is bound to surface.
04:39 So the common refrain that is there and the poetic expression that says that relationships
04:46 have changed.
04:47 Poets love to put it that way.
04:50 They say, you know, relationships have changed much like the weather.
04:56 And then we, in a very nostalgic way, look back at the past and say, you know, she used
05:03 to be so great till five years ago and now he or she is no more the same person and so
05:10 much has changed.
05:12 The fact is nothing really has changed.
05:14 It's just become more clear.
05:15 It's just become more clear, more apparent.
05:18 In fact, the thing has become more honest now.
05:20 [MUSIC PLAYING]
05:23 (music)
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