90 Day Fiancé_ Nikki BEGS Justin to Stay After He Abruptly BREAKS UP With Her(1)
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00:00 I can't even f***ing finish right now.
00:02 Oh my God.
00:03 I was hating on him to be just like this.
00:08 I know he's fine, girl, but it's time to let him go.
00:13 Igor, aka Justin, breaks up with Nicki through a text message two weeks after she returned
00:18 from celebrating their engagement in Moldova.
00:20 I even texted him back, like begging, like, "Let's try to make this work.
00:25 Baby, please, please give me one last chance.
00:28 I promise I will respect you.
00:29 I'm sorry."
00:30 Now, Nicki's left to face the hard truth.
00:32 But I don't think he was in love with me.
00:35 And herself.
00:36 And how can you make somebody feel so insecure when I've done everything for you?
00:39 Well, maybe that's the problem.
00:42 Let's get into it.
00:43 Hey, 90 Day Fans fam, it's Malicia.
00:49 Before we get into this week's episode, on a personal note, I just want to say thank
00:53 you to those of you who support and encourage me and advocate for me.
01:00 My intention when creating these shows is always to give you the 90 Day Tee, of course.
01:06 But to also be a friend to you and to encourage you.
01:10 I feel like I would be wasting this platform if I didn't do that.
01:14 So all that to say, it is an honor that y'all rock with me and I rock with you too.
01:21 Okay, before we get into Nicki, Sophie meets Rob at the altar in her white dress.
01:28 "Hi babe."
01:30 Meanwhile, Sophie's mom was trying her best to stay positive, but she couldn't help but
01:35 roll her eyes during the ceremony.
01:38 "Sophie, when I asked you what you most love about Rob, you shared that you feel so
01:44 taken care of and at peace when you're with him."
01:48 Look at Claire.
01:49 I rolled my eyes too, because taken care of, at peace.
01:53 The producers must have been keeping all the good moments from us.
01:58 Also Anna Lee finally showed up to the party.
02:02 She arrived to her wedding ceremony after being 30 minutes late, hours after contemplating
02:06 if she wanted to marry Clayton.
02:09 And now post-wedding, she is giving off a completely different energy.
02:14 She seems like she actually likes Clayton.
02:16 She's calling him her baby, her favorite person.
02:20 And this is the most I've ever seen her touch him.
02:22 "I just want you to be happy."
02:26 "Yes, I'm happy.
02:27 Sometimes I get surprised and I don't have a reaction.
02:32 I just don't know, I didn't expect it."
02:35 Anna Lee also finally builds the courage to tell her dad, who is back in Peru, about her
02:39 relationship with Clayton.
02:41 Yeah, her dad didn't know about him at all.
02:44 She says she wanted to hide it because although she's 26 years old, he's extremely overprotective.
02:50 And I thought it was an excuse at first, but come to find out, she was not lying.
02:54 "We're married."
02:55 "No, daughter, how can you say that?
02:58 How can you say that?"
03:01 "I'm sorry."
03:02 Yeah, Anna Lee's dad walked off camera in tears after she told him.
03:13 On a basic level, I can understand why he's upset.
03:16 His youngest daughter just got married without telling him.
03:20 He didn't even know she had a boyfriend.
03:22 But something about his reaction makes it clear that there is a lot more going on here
03:27 that we don't know about.
03:29 That being said, I'm going to mind my business.
03:32 Alright, let's check into the heartbreak hotel.
03:37 Heartbreak hotel.
03:40 "I am so beyond broken right now."
03:46 Time will have you forget how horrible a breakup can feel.
03:50 But just know if you don't know, they are painful.
03:54 I went through a breakup recently.
03:56 I talk about it more in the most recent video on my personal YouTube channel.
04:00 The link is below.
04:01 But yeah, because that initial feeling of heartbreak is still so palpable for me, my
04:08 empathy for Nikki at this moment is through the roof.
04:12 At the same time, I want Nikki to get really honest about why she wants to be with Justin
04:19 in the first place.
04:20 Is it because he's handsome?
04:22 Invalidates her womanhood?
04:23 "It's very rare you're going to find a straight man to date a trans woman, especially publicly.
04:33 Getting older, this is like my last chance at love."
04:37 If that is the case, at some point it has to crumble.
04:40 You can't base your self-esteem on someone else for too long before it does just that.
04:47 Crumble.
04:48 I also want her to get honest about if she's used money as a way to get or keep Justin.
04:55 It makes me think of the old folk saying, "How you get them is how you'll lose them."
05:02 I don't think it's the truth in every case, but when Nikki started this relationship 17
05:06 years ago, her lack of authenticity and the way she provided for him financially set the
05:12 tone.
05:13 "He was being lazy and he wasn't helping me with the house chores and he didn't want
05:16 to help me cook and things like that.
05:18 I had to do everything.
05:19 I had to work.
05:20 I had to cook, clean, this, that."
05:22 Nikki, who was from New Jersey, was in her 30s when she met Igor, aka Justin, from Moldova
05:28 who was barely 20.
05:30 And she waited two years after they started dating to tell him she was trans.
05:35 "He got into a lot of heated arguments and in one of those arguments I said, 'Yeah,
05:39 well, I have a secret to tell you.
05:41 I used to be a man.'
05:42 And he freaked."
05:43 Yeah.
05:44 Understandably, he was traumatized.
05:47 Think about how layered that experience must have been for him.
05:52 And then he's from a conservative country?
05:54 "He was depressed for a really long time.
05:56 And I feel bad about that."
05:59 They broke up, but stayed in touch.
06:01 Fast forward to 15 years later, they rekindled things, got engaged, and now we are here.
06:08 Dealing with the breakup stemming from the same issues they've had since the very beginning.
06:14 "We literally just got in a really bad fight a week ago and we haven't really spoken.
06:23 And we've had fights where we didn't speak for a week so I thought this was pretty like
06:27 just, 'Okay, I'll get over it,' you know?"
06:30 No.
06:31 That's not normal.
06:32 "The reason why we had this fight is because he hasn't really had a job job and worked
06:40 so I have been pretty much supporting him this time, like throughout this whole time."
06:48 Nikki says Justin's car broke down and she gave him money for that, but she didn't feel
06:52 good about it.
06:53 "I'm just like, 'Listen, I was like, for me, I feel like you're using me.
06:57 I mean, I went off, you know, I went from zero to a thousand.
07:00 Okay, fine.'
07:01 But I guess since I didn't squash it at that moment and fix the situation, I guess he just
07:08 had it with me and our fights and arguments."
07:12 I mean, this is a guy who has made it clear that this relationship is already out of his
07:16 comfort zone.
07:18 He's also said that he's not sexually attracted to Nikki.
07:21 "My hair, I'm in love with her, but my body, I don't feel the same."
07:27 So, out of comfort zone, no physical attraction and no peace?
07:33 Relationship no bueno.
07:35 It was bound to end.
07:37 In my opinion, it's actually a good thing.
07:40 Now he can stop using her and she can stop using him.
07:43 "I guess he just had it with me and our fights and arguments and literally just said, 'Hello,
07:50 want to discuss something very important with you.'"
07:53 He goes on to read Justin's breakup texts, where he lets her know off top that this is
07:59 something he wants her to take seriously.
08:01 "Given all the circumstances, I have to come to the sad conclusion that our relationship
08:05 cannot continue.
08:06 I compromised and I sacrificed my own interests, shocking my parents and everyone around me,
08:12 including my status and my dignity."
08:14 Cue the violin.
08:15 These pictures are definitely giving grief.
08:18 "However, continuing in this manner is no longer possible for me.
08:22 I realize that I need to take control of my life and rectify the situation.
08:26 May you find a path to a worthy life filled with love and mutual attachment.
08:32 Farewell and I wish you all the best."
08:33 Wow.
08:34 Justin must have been working on his English or he had a good translator because that was
08:39 well said.
08:40 "That's when you tell somebody after all the years invested, all money and heart and
08:52 soul and time invested."
08:57 Time that you chose to invest, although you saw the red flags.
09:02 I get grieving the future you imagined for you two, but you also have to take responsibility
09:09 for the part you played in your own heartbreak.
09:12 Granted, he could have done better than breaking up with her through a text message.
09:16 "I am so beyond broken right now."
09:21 Nikki says that she doesn't know how she's going to get over this.
09:25 Yeah.
09:27 Time can be our best friend in those situations.
09:30 What's making this even harder for Nikki is that Justin is ignoring her.
09:35 "I even texted him back, like begging, like, let's try to make this work.
09:40 Baby, please, please give me one last chance.
09:42 I promise I will respect you.
09:44 I'm sorry.
09:45 I can't do this life without you.
09:46 You have brought so much happiness to my life and you're my everything.
09:49 And I put three hearts and he just ignored it."
09:53 "Oh, the three hearts.
09:54 Did she think that would make a difference?"
09:56 "And now he's not even giving me the option to talk to him in person.
10:02 That hurts."
10:03 Talk to him in person?
10:06 She was going to spend more money on a trip back to Moldova to see that man after he said
10:11 he doesn't want to be with her?
10:14 Uh, no.
10:16 No.
10:17 Fast forward, Nikki's mom arrives at her house to check on her after noticing she's
10:21 not doing well.
10:22 "We gotta get some light in here, Nicole.
10:24 And we'll talk, okay, honey?
10:27 Tell me what happened."
10:32 And although Nikki hasn't called off Justin's K1 visa yet, she's starting to accept some
10:37 hard truths.
10:38 "Ever since him breaking up with me and then I'm pleading, I'm trying, I'm begging,
10:46 I'm, you know, please, let's work this out.
10:49 Everything possible, you know, let's try, let's work harder on our relationship, you
10:54 know?
10:55 And it's just like, acted like it never existed.
10:58 Extinct.
10:59 But I don't think he was in love with me."
11:04 "I, what I saw, Nicole, is that."
11:07 "I can be honest, I can say things out of the heat of the moment, but when you make
11:11 somebody feel like you're not even in love with them or not even attached to them, you
11:16 know?
11:17 And it's like it made me feel like so insecure in our relationship.
11:21 And how can you make somebody feel so insecure when I've done everything for you?"
11:25 The same way people can still feel insecure after they've done everything cosmetically
11:31 to their body and face.
11:33 And that is no shade to Nicki, but it's to paint the reality that some insecurities
11:38 are truly only an inside job.
11:42 There is an insightful article by Nima Maid on Medium titled "How Nicki's Relationship
11:47 with Justin Recreates Her Narrative of Unworthiness."
11:51 The author basically talks about how sometimes we are so addicted to feeling a certain way
11:57 about ourselves that we subconsciously choose partners who reinforce those feelings.
12:04 "How can you make somebody feel so insecure when I've done everything for you?"
12:08 If you're a Dr. Joe Dispenza fan, this isn't a foreign concept to you.
12:12 As a neuroscientist, he explains how our brains can become addicted to certain emotions.
12:18 Because our body becomes conditioned to memorizing emotions that are associated with our core
12:24 beliefs.
12:25 Hence, Nicki possibly having a core belief that she is unworthy of love.
12:32 Trans YouTuber Kat Blaque takes the point home, saying,
12:35 "Nicki wants someone to totally accept her as a trans woman, but she went and chose a
12:40 conservative man from a conservative country who isn't likely to give her that acceptance."
12:47 To sum it up, Nicki will more than likely find herself in a more compatible relationship
12:53 once she stops looking for validation from the outside and truly accepts herself.
12:58 "I just pray for her and just hope that everything brightens up for her and she just
13:06 feels better about this whole thing and I know she won't because of the way he broke
13:12 up the engagement.
13:16 Who does that?
13:18 My heart is just broken into a million pieces."
13:21 "Nicole needs to heal at this point and she needs to rebuild her self-esteem.
13:31 What I hope for her is that she finds peace and closure."
13:35 "I'm glad she has her mom."
13:37 "Come on, honey.
13:39 Get up.
13:40 It's going to be okay.
13:41 Come on.
13:42 You got a lot going for you.
13:44 Come on, honey.
13:45 Come on.
13:46 Get up and come.
13:47 Wash up.
13:48 Get yourself squared away, okay?
13:49 We'll go to the park."
13:50 Talk about ride or die.
13:51 Shout out to all the ride or die moms out there.
13:52 My mom is one.
13:53 "Hey, girl.
13:54 I'm not really hoping to change her heart."
13:55 After everything, including feeling undesired and her suspicion that she's being used,
14:10 she still can't fathom letting go.
14:33 That is a very real feeling of not even wanting to risk going through heartbreak again.
14:40 But as I mentioned earlier, if you allow it, with time, things will get better.
14:46 "It's going to be okay."
14:55 Hopefully Nikki will get to the point where she feels more empowered and that feeling
14:59 of empowerment outweighs her desire to have Justin back in her life.
15:04 She's going to be more stress-free without him.
15:06 I'll tell you that now.
15:08 She can spend all that money she was spending on Justin on herself.
15:12 Go shopping, go on vacations, buy something for the people in her life who don't ask for
15:16 much.
15:17 There's always a silver lining in these things.
15:21 On another note, let me know what 90 Day stars you would like to see me sit down with.
15:26 I'm brainstorming some interviews and I want your input.
15:29 I can't promise you anybody, but I would love your suggestions.
15:32 Alright 90 Day fans fam, make sure you stick with ET because we are covering it all.
15:37 I will see you next time.
15:38 [music]
15:40 (upbeat music)