The Marvels - Movie Review
The Marvels - Movie Review
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00:00 (guitar riff)
00:02 Had to say crap at the beginning of this video
00:05 for YouTube monetization purposes.
00:06 The AI bot really hates it when you swear
00:09 in the first few seconds of your video.
00:11 That said, we're more than a few seconds in now.
00:14 So what the fuck, man?
00:16 So in this time of MCU phase four and five,
00:18 otherwise known as post-endgame MCU DLC,
00:21 we now have the Marvels.
00:22 Captain Marvel, Monica Rambeau, and Ms. Marvel, Kamala Khan,
00:25 they all team up and something happens
00:27 where when one uses their powers,
00:30 they'll swap with the other one.
00:31 And I gotta say, when I saw the first trailer
00:33 for the Marvels, which heavily concentrated
00:35 on that mechanic, I was like, that could be fun.
00:38 I don't know that that mechanic had to be
00:40 some super big budget MCU monstrosity.
00:42 I mean, you could have had an indie film with that premise
00:46 and that would have been fun.
00:47 That would have been fine.
00:48 Everything everywhere, swapping around.
00:51 Working title, but you get what I mean.
00:52 That simple premise of fun just feels like
00:54 it's in something that's overproduced and inflated.
00:56 Then when I saw the second trailer
00:58 that just looked like generic big budget
01:00 MCU space adventure nonsense, I was like, there it is.
01:03 I gotta give props and credit where credit's due.
01:05 Iman Vellani, who plays Kamala Khan, Ms. Marvel,
01:08 I thought she was great.
01:09 In fact, she was the screen presence in the entire film.
01:13 I've not seen Ms. Marvel, so this is my introduction to her,
01:15 but I have heard she's great in Ms. Marvel,
01:18 and I do get it after seeing this.
01:20 She has an endearing quality to her.
01:21 It might actually be real life bleeding over
01:24 onto the screen.
01:25 A fangirl who's now playing in the sandbox
01:27 she once dreamed about playing in.
01:29 It works.
01:30 She was actually the heart of the movie.
01:32 There's a whole Captain Marvel, Monica Rambeau connection
01:35 that's supposed to be heartfelt.
01:37 I mean, it was there.
01:38 You're gonna hear me say that a lot in here, I feel.
01:40 Well, that was there.
01:42 Guess we should talk about that.
01:45 Carol Danvers, Monica Rambeau.
01:46 They have this connection of the past,
01:48 and there are times you feel like,
01:51 oh, hey, it's kind of getting there.
01:53 Maybe it does more than I'm giving it credit here,
01:56 but it's really hard for those emotional moments
01:58 to come through when the movie that's built around it
02:02 is crap.
02:03 Actually, to be fair,
02:04 I thought there was a really good scene
02:05 dealing with Monica Rambeau's emotional past
02:08 when they all put on the Demolition Man headpieces.
02:12 I thought that was good.
02:13 The Monica Rambeau, Carol Danvers dynamic
02:15 landed a lot better than the Carol Danvers villain dynamic.
02:18 Monica Rambeau, for the most part, I was like,
02:20 what is it you do here?
02:23 Such a bummer because during and after "WandaVision,"
02:26 I was interested as to where
02:27 they were gonna take that character.
02:28 By the end, her entire character
02:30 was relegated to just being a MacGuffin.
02:32 But all in all, I saw Captain Marvel, I saw "WandaVision,"
02:35 I've never seen Miss Marvel,
02:37 and Miss Marvel, I thought,
02:38 was the best character of the three.
02:40 As for the villain in this movie, Dar Ben.
02:43 Don't know much about the character from the comic books.
02:46 Looked up a little bit before I started doing the review.
02:48 Didn't do a big deep dive or anything,
02:50 but from what I read,
02:51 it sounds like it would have been really easy
02:52 to take this new villain,
02:54 just turn this new character into dollar store
02:56 Ronan the Accuser or something.
02:58 And that's exactly what they did.
03:00 The villain in this movie is the absolute worst,
03:03 and that's in the MCU.
03:04 That's saying something.
03:05 The kind of impressive where they had to try
03:07 to fuck it up this badly.
03:09 I feel like the conversation was no deeper than,
03:11 we want Ronan the Accuser back,
03:13 but I've been told he's been dead in the MCU for years now,
03:15 plus character development just takes up screen time.
03:17 We wanna pull this baby back to under two hours.
03:19 Hear me out on this one.
03:20 Like Ronan, pretty much him,
03:23 only a woman this time,
03:26 'cause that's all the development you need.
03:28 - Oh, genius. - I know, I know.
03:29 Thank you. - Really?
03:30 - It just comes to me.
03:31 - Really?
03:32 - By the way, you see that bullshit South Park episode?
03:33 Pfft.
03:34 I mean, how wrong can you get it?
03:37 And I feel like I should clarify,
03:38 given the mechanics of the MCU multiverse,
03:40 this isn't supposed to be a female variant of Ronan,
03:43 like Sylvia's Tloki.
03:45 This is just a new villain.
03:47 The villain and the dynamic
03:48 between Carol Danvers and villain on paper
03:52 probably sounded great.
03:53 Like in concept, in my mind,
03:55 I could just see a layout where it's like,
03:56 yeah, that sounds awesome.
03:58 In execution, it doesn't feel like there is any dynamic.
04:00 The character development's not there.
04:02 We're being told this, we're being told that,
04:04 all the while it just feels like baddie doing baddie things,
04:07 and they gotta stop baddie.
04:08 There's, ah.
04:09 Spoilers.
04:12 I can't do it here.
04:13 I can't talk about it here.
04:14 If I give two fucks enough to do a spoiler talk video,
04:18 I'll do that.
04:19 You feel like there's a whole movie of setup
04:20 before this movie that you should have watched
04:22 that never happened.
04:23 Oh God, is that just set up
04:24 for a prequel series on Disney Plus?
04:26 I wouldn't doubt it.
04:28 The villain even has Ronan's hammer,
04:30 but after Ronan put the Power Stone in it,
04:32 so the Power Stone made it really powerful.
04:34 It's like this villain has that version of the hammer
04:37 with the Power Stone, but without a Power Stone.
04:39 I was like, is there a Power Stone out there
04:41 I'm not aware of?
04:43 Granted, she does have a magical relic device
04:45 that seems to be acting through the hammer,
04:48 but is that just what happens with the hammer?
04:50 Any magical relic or device that acts through the hammer
04:54 just acts one way?
04:55 Anything going through the hammer
04:57 just acts like the purple Infinity Stone?
04:59 It doesn't come across as a continuity thing.
05:01 Comes across as a,
05:03 we don't know how to do anything new or different thing.
05:05 So that covers the characters.
05:06 Is that it?
05:07 Wait, there's more.
05:08 The CGI in the movie,
05:09 there's a lot going on in the action sequences,
05:11 whether it's a lot of CGI or characters swapping places
05:14 because they're using their powers,
05:15 which is kind of intermittent.
05:16 There were definitely moments where I was like,
05:18 the character used her powers and she didn't swap
05:20 and why didn't she swap?
05:21 Sometimes a little bit of power will make them swap.
05:23 Sometimes they need to use more powers,
05:26 but they don't always swap and it never explains why.
05:28 Not like we live in what's known as the digital age
05:31 in which all you have to worry about
05:32 is the internet picking apart your inconsistencies.
05:35 So sometimes the action sequences just look like CGI.
05:38 But when you had a still moment, nothing distracting you,
05:40 you got to zero in on the CGI.
05:42 Oh yeah, that was noticeable.
05:44 There are a couple of dumb ass side quests.
05:48 Not only does this movie generally feel like a tech demo
05:52 for gameplay mechanics,
05:54 how you swap places with other characters,
05:56 gameplay mechanics.
05:57 You know how every sandbox game has that mission
06:00 where you're like, this is goofy.
06:02 This is some ridiculous shit.
06:03 But every game gets one.
06:04 This isn't a game, but it still gives us one.
06:07 It's fucking weird.
06:08 Actually, no, there's two.
06:10 There are two side quests
06:11 that are absolute ridiculous bullshit.
06:13 I'll be vague, but I'll talk about them here.
06:15 There's this one planet they go to
06:17 in which people just sing to talk to people.
06:20 If you just talk to them, they can't understand you.
06:22 You have to sing to them.
06:23 I was like, this would be fine
06:25 in an episode of DuckTales or something.
06:27 Launch Padma, Quack, Fly, Scrooge McDuck,
06:30 Huey, Dewey, and Louie to this other land
06:32 where people sing when they talk.
06:33 At the very least speak Walla Walla Bing Bang.
06:36 Disney afternoon, baby.
06:38 In an MCU movie, it just felt like someone trying
06:40 to recapture that Taika Waititi energy,
06:44 but Thor love and thunder Taika Waititi energy.
06:46 It was fucking ridiculous.
06:47 Another one, keeping this one vague,
06:49 it has to do with cats and it's dumb as shit too.
06:53 And these two comedy bits just feel out of place
06:56 in this movie.
06:57 Makes the movie feel totally inconsistent.
07:00 But in the end, the real question is,
07:01 what is this movie about?
07:03 What's the plot?
07:04 No, the plot is not the characters
07:05 when they use their powers, swap places with each other.
07:08 That's a mechanic, not the plot.
07:10 The plot, I don't fucking know either.
07:13 The baddies doing baddie things and needs to be stopped.
07:16 It's a very simple ass plot.
07:18 It's another high budget grade B film,
07:21 but it lacks the camp and cheese element
07:24 that would make it a cult classic 20 years from now.
07:27 But Imane Volani was really good in the movie.
07:29 She has this infectious optimism.
07:31 You feel like it's not the character
07:33 that's having the time of her life.
07:34 She is, that doesn't always land with me.
07:37 It does with her, go forth and prosper, kid.
07:39 You were the best one in this film.
07:41 The rest of the movie feels like an exercise
07:42 in complacency and a testament to the fact
07:44 that the MCU needs to take a break.
07:46 Like take a couple of years, make people miss you,
07:48 regroup, reassess, reevaluate,
07:51 come back in a couple of years and crush it.
07:53 Don't give us more of this.
07:54 I say that because this is, generally speaking,
07:58 what they give now.
07:58 Movies that you're not gonna remember in T minus one day.
08:01 Yeah, how the fuck did we get here?
08:04 It's under two hours, that's nice.
08:06 Yeah, there's a mid-credit scene.
08:07 Go ahead and stay for that so you can see more bad CGI.
08:10 I heard there's a post-credit scene,
08:11 but it sounds pretty useless to me.
08:12 Okay, the Marvels, have you seen it?
08:14 What did you think about it?
08:15 What's your least favorite MCU movie or MCU villain?
08:18 Whatever they are, whatever you think,
08:19 comment below, let me know.
08:20 And as always, if you like what you've seen here
08:21 and you wanna see more, click right here to see more.
08:24 Woof.
08:24 (upbeat music)
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