00:00 There was an incident when I was at Harvard with my roommate.
00:05 And?
00:07 He accused me of copying from his senior thesis.
00:10 Plagiarizing.
00:12 Well, did you?
00:14 No, he stole from me.
00:16 That blue-blooded prick's family had allies on the faculty.
00:20 I mean, their last name is on a library, for Christ's sake.
00:22 So he accused me in order to sanitize his treachery, and, uh, they threw me out.
00:28 Hey, so you got kicked out of Harvard for cheating?
00:31 Nope, I got kicked out of Harvard for hitting him.
00:33 You hit him? What, like punched him out?
00:35 Nope, I hit him with a car.
00:38 You got kicked out of Harvard for hitting a guy with a car?
00:41 By accident. I'd have Jim Beam, please.
00:44 But he broke three ribs.
00:46 Which was technically his fault, because he shouldn't have been in LaRode.
00:49 Two dollars, please.
00:51 Also, he shot himself.
00:53 Which was the greater indignity.
00:57 Here you go, killer.
00:59 [crunching]
01:01 [crunching]
01:03 [silence]
01:05 [silence]
01:07 [BLANK_AUDIO]
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