00:00 [music playing]
00:01 Alright, everybody, it's quarter o'clock and you made it during Abbey hour.
00:05 All decisions, half price.
00:07 - Judge, are you limping? - A bit.
00:10 I got a little hit by a cab.
00:11 And somehow the driver got angrier than I did.
00:14 So, still getting the hang of New York, huh?
00:18 You know what they say, you're not a real New Yorker
00:20 until you pay the guy who just ran you over $45 to drive you to the hospital.
00:24 No, you're not a real New Yorker until you buy a rat trap,
00:28 a hammer and an egg sandwich from a bodega at 1 AM.
00:30 First up, the People vs. Carolyn Kratz.
00:34 The defendant is charged with disorderly conduct
00:36 for bringing an uncontained animal onto the subway.
00:39 Your Honor, there's a very simple and extremely legal explanation for this.
00:42 It was a service animal.
00:44 It was a horse.
00:45 A mini horse, nay, a seeing eye mini horse.
00:50 And according to New York vs. Pongo, mini horses are allowed on public transit.
00:55 Obviously, I gotta get a look at this guy.
00:58 [laughing]
00:59 Upstate, I used to guess horse size, is that a county fair?
01:07 And that one is a big.
01:08 [laughing]
01:09 Your Honor, um, I call for a mistrial.
01:13 I've just learned that the defendant and Ms. Moore
01:16 have an existing relationship.
01:17 They share a daily commute, the 542 Downtown 6 train
01:21 at Hunter College Station.
01:23 Slow down, I think we just blew right past the big news here.
01:26 Did the allegedly blind defendant just recognize me?
01:29 Oh, no, no, no, she didn't recognize you.
01:31 The horse did.
01:34 [laughing]
01:35 That's my daily commute too.
01:37 - Olivia, we're subway buddies. - Really?
01:39 Well, it's crazy.
01:41 Can't believe we haven't seen each other.
01:43 I've seen both of you a bunch of times.
01:45 Well, you're not helping.
01:47 You know what, we just plead guilty.
01:49 How do you put up with her?
01:52 [laughing]
01:53 (audience laughing)
