Skip to player
Skip to main content
Skip to footer
Search
Connect
Watch fullscreen
Like
Comments
Bookmark
Share
Add to Playlist
Report
‘Polyamory is misconstrued as sex-fest,’ says Maya Oppenheim at How The Light Gets In festival
The Independent
Follow
9/20/2023
Maya Oppenheim argues monogamy shouldn’t hold ‘moral high ground’ over polyamory in a debate organised by The Institute of Art and Ideas.
Category
🗞
News
Transcript
Display full video transcript
00:00
I don't think that monogamy should have the moral high ground.
00:03
I think we need to move away from a kind of dichotomy
00:06
that you've got monogamy on one side and polyamory on the other side
00:10
and that one is inherently more moral than the other.
00:14
When I look at a relationship, I'm far more interested
00:17
in whether that relationship has honest, open lines of communication.
00:21
Is there love? Is there security?
00:24
And I just feel like that tells you a lot more
00:27
about whether a relationship has the moral high ground
00:29
than the structure in which those people decide to have their relationships.
00:34
Often monogamy doesn't work.
00:36
Half of marriages end in divorce.
00:37
A lot of people cheat and also a lot of people end up staying
00:41
in very unhappy relationships for far longer than they should.
00:45
Domestic abuse too is so prevalent and I feel like that is linked
00:49
between two and three women are murdered every single week in the UK
00:53
by a current or former partner.
00:56
And I also just feel like with polyamory, there's such a fear of it.
01:00
You know, it invokes such, such strong visceral reactions from people.
01:04
Like when it comes up in conversations, people kind of,
01:07
it's almost like you've said to them, "Oh, I want to open up our relationship
01:11
and turn it into an open relationship."
01:13
They just feel like, you know, revolted by it.
01:16
So I feel like we need to look at that and why are people
01:19
so instinctively hostile towards polyamory?
01:24
And I'd say that's probably because of jealousy and maybe they've got
01:27
a real deep attachment to the family that they don't realize that they have
01:32
and they feel very, very threatened by polyamory.
01:34
It's such a deeply personal choice how you choose to, you know,
01:39
spend your love life, how you choose to organize your sexual relationship.
01:43
And it really, really needs to be down to the individual
01:46
to choose what they want to do.
01:47
I think I'd be much more interested in the fact that, you know,
01:50
society does really look down on polyamorous relationships.
01:55
You know, with the rise of the far right, we're seeing more and more and more
01:59
this kind of heralding and hailing of the nuclear heteronormative family.
02:04
We're seeing anti-abortion ideologues in America, like really emboldened.
02:10
Millions of women lost their legal right to have an abortion last year.
02:15
But we've got trad wife movement too.
02:18
That's, you know, the movement of women staying home to look after the kids
02:21
and do all the cooking and the cleaning.
02:23
I just feel like that actually we're seeing a regression.
02:26
We're seeing retrograde views and a real kind of clamp down
02:30
on people wanting to have, you know, polyamorous relationships
02:33
or do things differently.
02:35
Also, I did read a study that found that kids that have grown up
02:38
in polyamorous families are just as healthy,
02:42
if not more healthy than kids.
02:44
So I think this idea that, you know, I think also it's a misinterpretation
02:49
of polyamory to think, oh, these relationships mean, you know,
02:52
like multiple people are coming in at the weekend, every weekend.
02:55
Like there's just loads of misconceptions of polyamory
02:58
that see it as a sex fest or think that polyamorous people
03:02
don't get jealous.
03:03
Of course they get jealous, but maybe they have a more healthy way
03:06
of expressing it.
03:07
For the record, you know, I've never been in a polyamorous relationship.
03:10
I think for me, the idea of, you know, going from one partner
03:13
three days a week to another partner four days a week,
03:16
something like that, it does sound quite stressful
03:18
and not the type, and like a lot of bureaucracy and admin.
03:22
That's not how all polyamorous people live their lives.
03:25
Like there's this joke that I read earlier.
03:28
It says something like polyamory didn't exist until Google Calendar,
03:32
which I thought was quite funny.
03:33
But like, you've got people, poly can take all different forms
03:37
and you can be in a poly relationship and have long enduring commitment.
03:41
You could have a relationship that lasts decades
03:44
and you could argue that you get a lot deeper with them.
Recommended
1:20
|
Up next
Starmer labels Farage a ‘wolf in Wall Street clothing’
ODN
yesterday
1:35
Starmer: Welfare must be fixed ‘the Labour way’
ODN
yesterday
0:49
Matthew Goode’s “really dark’ pitch got him dropped from James Bond auditions
Bang Showbiz
today
0:59
Jon Watts has finally shared why he dropped out of directing ‘Fantastic Four: First Steps’
Bang Showbiz
today
0:51
The 1975 don’t want their legacy to be one of politics
Bang Showbiz
today
2:16
Bake Off star Nadiya Hussain insists she ‘won’t be grateful’ after BBC cookery show is axed
Evening Standard
yesterday
0:48
'Britain has gone to hell': UK’s ninth richest man moves business out of London
Evening Standard
2 days ago
1:06
Commander Kevin Southworth speaking about the Child Q misconduct hearing
Evening Standard
2 days ago
1:38
Starmer shown Hawk T2 during visit to RAF Valley
ODN
yesterday
1:28
Moment high school graduate gets dream job offer mid ceremony
The Independent
today
0:46
Protests erupt in Venice against Jeff Bezos wedding bonanza
The Independent
today
0:22
Taylor Swift belts out ‘Love Story’ with Travis Kelce and George Kittle following NFL event
The Independent
today
1:11
Shocking moment patient throws bricks at paramedics and attacks ambulance: ‘It was like a horror movie’
The Independent
today
1:36
Bake Off star Nadiya Hussain says she ‘won’t be grateful’ following BBC cooking show axe
The Independent
today
1:17
Extreme heatwave hits Europe as temperatures soar above 40C in holiday hotspots
The Independent
today
0:40
Trump says he would ‘absolutely’ consider bombing Iran again following ‘unbelievable’ nuclear strikes
The Independent
yesterday
1:01
Lewis Capaldi close to tears in emotional Glastonbury return following career hiatus
The Independent
yesterday
1:12
Moment man walks away after stabbing wife to death as she pushed baby in pram
The Independent
yesterday
1:07
Lorraine Kelly ‘terrified’ after climbing up 25-ft ship in Dundee following keyhole surgery
The Independent
yesterday
5:46
Mauritius vs Maldives: Which is the paradise island for you?
The Independent
yesterday
0:33
Victoria Beckham pokes fun at David Beckham after hospital visit
The Independent
yesterday
0:41
Bear spotted making friends with coyote in California
The Independent
yesterday
0:29
Awkward moment NYC Mayoral Candidate Zohran Mamdani’s 2019 rap video is played during a CNN interview
The Independent
yesterday
1:27
Daniel Anjorin’s father describes ‘painful and traumatic chapter’ after son’s killer jailed for life
The Independent
yesterday
0:21
Watch: Dutch queen appears to pull face while meeting Trump
The Independent
yesterday