00:00 fuzzy blanket, 80s ballads, blasting,
00:04 and empty ice cream pints.
00:06 I think we all know what this means.
00:08 Size going through a breakup.
00:10 If there's one thing that's true about breakups,
00:13 it's never easy for anyone.
00:16 It's ironic.
00:17 As we search for love and happiness,
00:18 we focus on uncovering the secrets
00:20 to a successful marriage,
00:22 the signs a couple is compatible,
00:24 and which factors can best predict
00:26 their long-term happiness in a relationship
00:28 to the point that we get tunnel vision.
00:31 While we weren't paying attention,
00:33 psychologists have stumbled upon an unusual discovery,
00:36 that breakups have unexpected benefits.
00:39 Researchers, whose work we will be touching upon later,
00:43 can all attest to this.
00:44 Even though breaking up is hard to do,
00:47 staying in a relationship that's no longer good for you
00:50 just might be worse.
00:51 So if you're in a relationship
00:53 and wondering if a breakup might be good for you,
00:56 here are six signs that a breakup might be good for you.
00:58 A quick disclaimer though,
01:00 we're not telling or encouraging anyone to break up.
01:03 If you're thinking about breaking up with a partner
01:04 because of serious relationship struggles,
01:07 it would be better to talk to a trusted friend
01:08 or mental health professional about your specific situation.
01:11 All right, let's get into it.
01:13 Here we go again.
01:15 If you and your partner rehash the same argument over
01:18 and over, you might feel like a broken record
01:21 stuck in a loop on Groundhog Day.
01:23 While it's perfectly normal and healthy
01:25 for couples to get into disagreements from time to time,
01:28 repeating the same argument can be unproductive.
01:31 According to a Healthline article from 2019 by Cindy Lamont,
01:35 this is a telltale sign that it's time to break up.
01:39 Repeating the same argument means
01:40 that you've already reached an impasse in your relationship.
01:43 There are certain things you just cannot agree
01:46 to disagree on or refuse to compromise.
01:49 Maybe this thing is something important to you both.
01:51 Maybe not.
01:52 If you feel that you and your partner aren't compatible
01:55 in your views and values,
01:56 this may be a sign that a breakup could be good for you.
02:00 That's not what I want.
02:01 For a relationship to stand the test of time,
02:04 you and your partner need to have a shared idea
02:06 of your future together and mutually agree upon goals
02:09 that speak to your core values as a couple.
02:12 The moment these goals become misaligned,
02:14 then it's definitely going to cause a rift between you two.
02:17 Sometimes the two ideas may be totally different,
02:19 but other times it can even look like your partner
02:22 deciding their goals are more important,
02:24 forcing you to put your ideas on hold.
02:27 And according to a 2014 study about breakup benefits,
02:30 having a greater sense of self-direction
02:32 is one of the benefits of breaking up with someone.
02:34 So if you're feeling like there's no room for you
02:37 in your beliefs and goals in your relationship,
02:40 it might be time for a breakup
02:41 to allow you time to flourish.
02:44 I'm fine.
02:45 As with any relationship, romantic or platonic,
02:48 the emotional needs of both parties involved
02:50 need to be met to feel satisfied by the relationship.
02:53 These needs can be quality time, affection, assurance,
02:57 mutual trust, respect, you get it.
03:00 So if you're in a relationship
03:02 where your needs are no longer being met,
03:04 then a breakup might be good for you.
03:06 If you stay in a relationship where your needs aren't met,
03:09 it's possible that you may begin to ignore your own needs
03:12 or resent your partner for ignoring them,
03:14 as was shown in one study by Stackhart and Bursic.
03:18 Emotional distance.
03:19 While your whole world certainly doesn't need to revolve
03:22 around your significant other for it to be considered
03:24 a loving and healthy relationship,
03:26 you do need to have a certain amount of emotional closeness
03:31 and intimacy with one another.
03:33 As studies like Abdul Kalak's have pointed out,
03:35 the greater the emotional intimacy in the relationship,
03:38 the better the couple's quality of life
03:40 and psychological adjustment.
03:42 So if you've noticed yourself growing closer to other people
03:45 and wanting to spend more time with them
03:47 instead of your partner,
03:49 then there's a good chance that the two of you
03:51 have already drifted apart.
03:52 Let's say you and your friends are out for a night
03:54 on the town celebrating someone's recent promotion.
03:57 When it's time to go home,
03:59 are you happy to go home to your significant other?
04:02 Or do you try to convince the group to grab some food
04:04 before calling it a night?
04:06 What about after work?
04:07 Do you run errands or make plans to avoid going home?
04:11 This could be a sign that it's time to break up.
04:14 The light switch relationship.
04:16 Like we said before, breakups suck.
04:19 Being in an on-again, off-again relationship
04:21 can just keep that pain coming back around and around.
04:24 Think like Ross and Rachel.
04:26 Every time they broke up, they were sad,
04:28 telling the other friends how they missed each other
04:31 and even were jealous of new partners.
04:33 Now there's nothing wrong with finding love
04:34 with the same person the second time around.
04:37 Remember, even Ross and Rachel ended up together,
04:39 but there are differences between TV and real life.
04:42 When you're in a true on-again, off-again situation,
04:46 it can be confusing and emotionally draining
04:49 for both parties involved.
04:51 When you go back to the on-again phase,
04:53 this might be done out of loneliness
04:55 and a desire for something familiar.
04:58 According to a 2009 study by Melissa Ramsey Miller,
05:01 in instances like this,
05:03 it's ultimately better to let them go and move on yourself
05:07 than to keep you both trapped in this unhealthy cycle.
05:10 And are you better with or without?
05:13 Does your sense of obligation to your partner
05:15 keep you from chasing certain dreams
05:17 or limit the opportunities you allow yourself to pursue?
05:21 Do you feel that certain opinions or beliefs
05:24 between you and your partner clash
05:26 so you minimize them to avoid conflict?
05:28 Do you get the sense that your personalities
05:30 don't compliment each other well?
05:32 This can be a difficult thing to admit,
05:35 but you owe it to yourself to be honest.
05:38 If you answered yes to any of these questions,
05:40 it might be worth thinking about what it may be like
05:43 if you weren't with them anymore.
05:45 Studies as the ones by Alicia Franklin in 2015
05:48 and the 2013 study led by Tai Tashiro
05:51 show that there are considerable benefits to breaking up,
05:54 like the ones we've discussed here.
05:56 While it's never easy to let go of someone you love
05:58 and end a once happy relationship,
06:01 the truth is that sometimes people grow apart
06:04 and our paths can take us in different directions in life.
06:07 As the famous Marilyn Monroe quote goes,
06:10 "Sometimes things fall apart,
06:12 so better things can fall together."
06:14 Ultimately, even the heartbreaking end of a relationship
06:18 can lead to a lot of beautiful personal growth
06:20 and self-discovery.
06:21 Are there any other signs that you know of
06:24 that could mean a breakup may be good for you?
06:26 Let us know in the comments below.
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