00:00 My mother is an ultra successful immigrant businesswoman.
00:03 The mortgage is going to be less than your rent.
00:06 You must be joking.
00:07 Oh, I never joke about business, Mrs. Cohn.
00:09 She was not one to take no for an answer.
00:13 Amazing, and congratulations!
00:15 No one ever gave her the memo that Muslim women were supposed to be passive good girls.
00:18 This is my family in a nutshell.
00:20 The disco king, the troublemaker, JFK Jr. minus the plane crash,
00:23 the brainiac, the goth, the hippie, the greaser, and the metrosexual.
00:26 And me.
00:27 Oh my god, I love drag queens.
00:29 Okay, I'm an actress.
00:30 You're so beautiful until you talk.
00:32 Where's Layla?
00:33 God knows.
00:33 My dad's about to get a heart.
00:35 Just an idiot family, please.
00:37 These aren't even all of my siblings.
00:38 They're like a litter of cats.
00:39 Usually the stronger kittens eat the weaker ones.
00:43 I'm not going to be a mother anymore.
00:45 I have your test results.
00:48 You are pregnant.
00:49 I didn't even get knocked up from a one-night stand.
00:52 You're pregnant by a gay guy?
00:54 I'm... no, gay.
00:56 You knocked up my gay sister.
00:57 I'm still gay, I just happened to get pregnant.
00:59 You weren't gay on Halloween.
01:01 If you ever wonder what it's like running into your ex when you look like...
01:04 Layla?
01:05 Alayna? Hi!
01:07 How are you?
01:08 Evidently better than you.
01:09 Ever since you were a kid, there was not one rule you did not want to break.
01:13 Layla, sweatpants.
01:14 It's too hot.
01:15 You don't want to be a bad Muslim.
01:16 My daughter plays basketball and my son is a cheerleader.
01:19 You should have been giving me your presents, right?
01:26 She's a good girl.
01:28 She's a good girl.
01:28 We'll be doing that at tonight.
01:30 How do you say goodbye in Persian?
01:33 "Khafe shoh."
01:33 "Khafe shoh," everybody.
01:35 "Khafe shoh."
01:37 We're with the all-American family.
01:43 Trust me on this.
01:44 We're looking for Layla Jamshid-Pour.
01:47 She's in labor. Do you know which room she's in?
01:49 Is anyone of you the father?
01:50 I'm the father.
01:51 Oh, Lordy.
01:52 ♪ All in one ♪
01:55 (thunder)
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