00:00 You can do it!
00:01 Say it, Adam! Say it again!
00:03 You're not my dad.
00:06 You never were.
00:08 Armageddon is days away, and we've lost the Antichrist.
00:19 Why did the powers of hell have to drag me into this anyway?
00:23 Well, don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure it's because of all those memos you kept sending me.
00:27 Saying how amazingly well you were doing.
00:30 Is it my fault they never check up? I'm to blame, they never check up.
00:33 Everyone that stretches the truth a bit in memos to head office, you know that.
00:38 Yes, but you told them you invented the Spanish Inquisition.
00:41 And started the Second World War.
00:43 So the humans beat me to it, that's not my fault.
00:45 Gabriel, what an unexpected pleasure.
00:48 It's been quite a while.
00:50 Yes.
00:52 Why do you consume that?
00:56 You're an angel.
00:57 It's sushi.
00:59 It's nice. You dip it in soy sauce.
01:02 It's what humans do.
01:04 And if I am going to be living here among them, while keeping up appearances, tea?
01:09 I do not sully the temple of my celestial body with...
01:13 ...gross matter.
01:15 Can I help you?
01:18 I would like to purchase one of your material objects.
01:22 Books.
01:23 Books.
01:25 Let us discuss my purchase in a private place, because I am buying...
01:30 Pornography?
01:32 Pornography.
01:34 Gabriel, come into my back room.
01:37 We humans are extremely easily embarrassed.
01:41 We must buy our pornography secretly.
01:44 Who exactly summons them?
01:47 Not my department.
01:48 I believe we outsource that sort of thing.
01:50 About time, that's what I say.
01:52 You can't have a war without war.
01:55 Sandalfrond, that is very good.
02:00 You can't have a war without war?
02:03 I might use that.
02:05 Anyway.
02:07 No problems. How was the hellhound?
02:10 I didn't stick around to see.
02:12 Thank you for my pornography!
02:14 We are the fallen.
02:16 Never forget that.
02:18 It's not the sort of thing you forget.
02:21 I don't trust you, Crowley.
02:23 Everything's going just fine.
02:26 I didn't mean to fall.
02:29 I just hung around the wrong people.
02:32 Hello.
02:38 Athenaema device?
02:42 Anathema device. It's an old family name.
02:44 Purpose of your visit for United Kingdom?
02:46 I'm commanded by an intern family prophecy.
02:49 I'm going to use all the wisdom and witchcraft at my disposal
02:52 to hunt down the Heart of Darkness
02:54 and then do all that I can to destroy it
02:56 before it brings about the end of the world.
02:58 I'm sorry?
02:59 Vacation.
03:01 Where is this hospital, anyway?
03:04 Village near Oxford. Tadfiel.
03:06 Crowley, you can't do 90 miles per hour in central London.
03:09 Why not?
03:10 You'll get us killed.
03:11 Well, inconveniently discorporated.
03:14 Music. Why don't I put on a little music?
03:18 Music?
03:19 What's a velvet underbred?
03:21 You wouldn't like it.
03:23 No. Bee-bomb.
03:25 To be or not to be?
03:27 That is the question.
03:30 To be! I mean, not to be!
03:32 Come on, Havlod!
03:34 Buck up!
03:35 Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer?
03:40 He's very good, isn't he?
03:42 Age does not wither, nor custom stay of his infinite variety.
03:47 The sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them.
03:50 I like that.
03:51 To die, to sleep.
03:54 Captain's log, pleasure cruiser, Morbeth.
03:56 We were sailing south, south-west, on course for Havanna
04:00 when we realised something was amiss.
04:02 But that's impossible.
04:11 (Music)
04:13 Well?
04:24 I just thought there was something we could do.
04:27 There is. We can fight. And we can win.
04:30 But there doesn't have to be a war.
04:32 Of course there does. Otherwise, how would we win it?
04:34 Now look, wrap up whatever you need to wrap up down here.
04:38 Report back to active service and...
04:40 ...lose the gut?
04:44 What the heaven's going on, Crony?
04:55 What have you done?
04:56 Haster! Hey, not following you. How do you mean?
04:59 The boy! The boy called Warlock!
05:01 We took him to the fields of Megiddo.
05:03 The dog is not with him.
05:05 The child knows nothing of the great war.
05:07 He is not our master's son.
05:09 He said that I...
05:10 ...that I smelt of poo.
05:13 You can see his point.
05:16 My family has been trying to figure out Agnes' nice and accurate prophecies
05:19 for 400 years now.
05:21 You could say we're professional descendants.
05:25 How many prophecies are there?
05:26 Thousands. It averages to about a prophecy a month.
05:30 More now, in fact, as we get closer to the end of the world.
05:33 When's that supposed to be?
05:35 In around four hours and 15 minutes.
05:37 Oh, come on.
05:38 Please, you must keep away from the circle.
05:42 Radically, a candle?
05:45 Look, the sun is on, and it would be very unwise for you to step into it without proper precautions.
05:50 Whatever you think you see, just don't cross the circle, you stupid man!
05:54 ...and deliver us from evil, detaining them all!
05:57 Oh.
06:03 F***!
06:04 I count them all out, and I count them all in again.
06:12 And then you turn up, late for Armageddon, no flaming sword,
06:17 not even a body, you pathetic excuse for an angel!
06:21 Well, I suppose I am, really.
06:25 (HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
06:27 The buffins are on their way. In the meantime, nothing's getting out of London.
06:41 You sure about that?
06:43 What was...?
06:52 Right now, that's someone else's problem.
06:54 Hey, guys. Nice place you've got here.
07:04 Not for you, it won't be.
07:06 Could do with some houseplants. Maybe a coffee table.
07:08 Silence!
07:10 It's gonna be the dad who was there.
07:13 You're not my dad!
07:16 What did you say?
07:18 You can do it! Say it, Adam! Say it again!
07:21 Say it again!
07:23 Come here!
07:24 You're not my dad. You never were.
07:27 No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
07:37 So, with one act of treason, you...
07:46 Averted the war.
07:48 Well, I think the greater good...
07:49 Talk to me about the greater good, Sunshine. I'm the Archangel (BLEEP) Gabriel.
07:53 Right. Time to leave the garden.
07:57 Let me tempt you to a spot of lunch.
08:00 Temptation accomplished.
08:03 Hmm. What about the Ritz?
08:07 I believe a table for two has just miraculously come free.
08:11 Ah!
08:14 (DISTORTED) No.
08:16 (DISTORTED) No.
08:19 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
08:22 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
08:25 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
08:28 (upbeat music)
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