King Of The Hill Season 3 Episode 7 Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men
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00:00 [Music]
00:02 [Music]
00:04 [Music]
00:33 Good old Mason 1500. Handles like the day I bought her.
00:38 I tell you what, this is the only mower I'd want with me if I were ever stranded on a desert island.
00:45 You are gonna kill at that lawnmower focus group tomorrow, Hank.
00:50 Now Dale, a focus group is not a competition.
00:53 It's a chance for the informed lawnmower consumer to give valuable input to the Mason Corporation in a comfortable mall setting.
01:01 Well, I think it's just an honor to be invited.
01:04 You know, I'll tell you why we've got to go tomorrow.
01:07 Look at your average pickup truck. With airbags and vanity mirrors, it's one focus group away from turning into a powder room.
01:16 We can't let that happen to the Mason 1500.
01:19 We sure can't. Can we?
01:22 Bill, the only reason I invited Dale and Boomhauer and not you is 'cause you're coming over for Thanksgiving dinner.
01:29 And I didn't want you to get sick of me.
01:32 Oh, Hank, I will never be sick of you. Not even when we're sharing a cloud in heaven.
01:39 All right, you can come, but when I make a point, just nod.
01:44 Hank, you asked me to tell you when Celine Dion is off the field. She's off.
01:49 Thanks, Mom.
01:52 Aren't moms great?
01:54 Yeah, they are.
01:55 I tell you what I'm thankful for, that it's my mom's turn to spend Thanksgiving with us.
02:01 She eats the dark meat and doesn't complain. Boy, I tell you, she...
02:05 What the...
02:07 You lawn jockeys were standing here when I left two months ago. Pathetic.
02:14 Dad, you came last Thanksgiving. This year it's Mom's turn, remember?
02:19 Well, I don't want to cause any fuss. Your mother can eat in the yard.
02:25 Now, in addition to all the things we normally don't talk about in front of my dad, let me add my Mason Company focus group.
02:37 How could you be worried about this focus group? Your father is gonna ruin this Thanksgiving, as surely as Squanto and his band of Indians ruined the first one.
02:48 Oh, will you look at the time. We've got to get this dinner on the table, because we are getting up at 4 o'clock tomorrow morning.
02:55 Huh?
02:56 It is a two-hour drive to the mall, and I want us there right when the doors open.
03:01 I have never gotten up that early in my life unless fish were involved.
03:06 Hank, the day after Thanksgiving is, in my opinion, the biggest shopping day of the year, and I will not spend another year giving Dallas Mavericks crap because the cowboy stuff was all sold out.
03:18 So I want us in bed by 7.30.
03:21 I won't be able to fall asleep that early.
03:23 You are not even trying. Have another beer.
03:27 Oh, well, it's worth a shot. Dear Lord, we are grateful that Cotton has forgotten our carefully worked out holiday parent rotation schedule so that we may all be together on this day. Amen.
03:45 Amen.
03:50 Oh, Tilly, did you make this stuffing? Because it tastes like garbage.
03:57 Uh, Dad?
03:58 I ever tell you about the time she tried to poison me with a baked chicken?
04:03 It was chicken almondine.
04:06 It was cyanide, woman.
04:08 Uh, Dad, could you please show Mom some respect while Bobby's in the room?
04:15 You heard him, Bobby. Leave the room.
04:18 No, sit down, Bobby.
04:20 Could you at least respect Grandmom until we get to dessert?
04:24 Dee Dee's your Grandmom, too, Bobby. Your pretty Grandmom.
04:28 Dad.
04:29 'Course, better still he was in the kitchen. She was even worse in the bedroom.
04:34 I said the woman was lousy in the sack.
04:47 Huh.
04:49 Dude, the stuffing might taste like garbage, but it sure fills you up.
04:58 Come on, Peggy, turn off your itty-bitty headlamp and let's get some sleep.
05:04 This is six malls over Texas, Hank. If you go unprepared, it will eat you alive.
05:10 Good night, Peggy. That was a lovely dinner.
05:14 Good night, son.
05:17 Hmm. Well, Mom seemed to enjoy herself tonight.
05:21 You defended Troy Eggman more than you defended your mother.
05:24 Mom knows how it is with Dad.
05:27 And there were six dropped passes. All Troy can do is get it there.
05:44 Okay, everyone, follow my beam. Hurry carefully.
05:48 Good morning. I hope we wasn't too loud last night.
05:53 Just so you know, you kids are on your own today.
05:58 I'm taking Bobby ice skating at the mall.
06:01 We're gonna go meet guys.
06:03 I'm the bait.
06:05 Guys love single moms.
06:09 Boo! I forgot how much old ladies stink.
06:13 Good God, you've got a fat neck, Hank.
06:28 So, Dad, I thought we'd split up at the mall.
06:31 Are you gonna talk the whole time?
06:35 I'm gonna head down to the corndog shack and watch the girlies make lemonade.
06:41 Goodbye, Peggy. No time.
06:46 Oh, fire truck.
06:56 Hi. How long would it take to glue a rubber sole to a fire truck?
07:01 Hi. How long would it take to glue a rubber sole back on a ladies' loafer?
07:06 Five minutes.
07:08 Ladies' loafer? That's a men's loafer.
07:12 It is a uni-loafer.
07:15 Have it your way. This is gonna take a while.
07:20 Oh.
07:22 Hey, here come leftover turkeys.
07:39 Ha ha ha ha ha!
07:41 Oh, hell, you're here.
07:43 I am everywhere you want to be, Hank Hill.
07:46 I'm Jonathan Burrows, your moderator.
07:49 The Research Associates and I at Research Associates have only one client, the American consumer.
07:55 Yes, we are being paid by the Mason Corporation, but we are paid to be independent.
08:00 I'll do all the talking.
08:02 What's the matter?
08:04 We may or may not have run into your dad in the men's room,
08:08 and we may or may not have told him that we were being paid $50 to participate in a focus group.
08:16 Mostly may.
08:19 Dad, that was a close one.
08:22 Now, what you're gonna want to do is turn around, head out the door, and, well, once you're out the door, there really is no wrong turn.
08:31 Out of my way!
08:33 Oh, damn.
08:35 Why don't we start by introducing ourselves?
08:39 Kon Superdosenpon. I am system analyst.
08:42 So that's what you do. What kind of systems?
08:45 Oh, I'd bother to explain. You're already in over your head.
08:49 You, sir?
08:50 Lane Pratley. I own Pratley Ford, Pratley Honda, and I got my eye on Pratley Cadillac.
08:56 My daddy ain't doing so good.
08:58 Hey, you sold me an escort once.
09:01 Boyce Hubert. Minister.
09:06 Although I've lost my faith, of course I did find a pretty great parking space on my way in.
09:12 But the Lord works in such mysterious ways, who the hell knows?
09:16 Uh, my name's Hank Hill, and I--
09:20 He runs a gas station.
09:22 Next, I'm Cotton Hill. I killed 50 men.
09:26 Is that a real computer?
09:28 Yes.
09:29 Oh, in that case, my name is Rusty Shackleford.
09:37 Shackleford.
09:40 Hey, just go ahead and call me Boomhire, man. It'll be like my last name.
09:45 You know, I'm gonna-- I've done a lot of different things.
09:48 I had a job back there in the company, you know, in the settlement.
09:51 Man, I'll get a work's comp, too, man. It's tax-free, man.
09:55 Okay, uh, you, sir?
10:01 I'm Bill Dautreve. I'm a sergeant barber in the United States Army.
10:05 I'm 5'8" and 3/4" tall. My wife, Lenore, divorced me in the year of our Lord, 1991. That's about it.
10:14 Super. What a fine lot you are.
10:17 And now I'd like to direct your attention to the best that the Mason Corporation has to offer.
10:22 That's my mower, the Mason 1500.
10:26 The Mason 2500.
10:32 Lord.
10:33 The Mason 1500.
10:35 Lord have mercy.
10:36 Ugh, that's not my mower.
10:39 They call this progress?
10:45 They've pushed out all the mower to make room for cruise control, zero turning radius, featherweight space-age polymers,
10:53 optional rear bag attachment, Tommy Hilfinger sports package.
10:59 I love this mower so much, my... my heart hurts.
11:04 Why? Why do you love it so much?
11:06 Because Hank Hill will never be able to afford one on his meager salary.
11:11 My mower's a pump jockey. Works for tips.
11:14 Dad, I do not work for tips.
11:16 Pump jockey!
11:17 Dad, I am not a pump jockey.
11:19 Works for tips!
11:21 I like the mower. It's got a lot of nice curves, like a pretty young woman.
11:26 This mower's like a dumpy fishwife.
11:29 What are we waiting for, Luanne?
11:36 Um, maybe it's too soon since...
11:41 Buckley's not getting any deader, Luanne.
11:45 It's time to move on.
11:47 Yeah.
11:48 Let's go!
11:50 Are you alright?
11:53 No. It's just that... they're playing Buckley in my song.
12:01 Hey.
12:06 Huh?
12:08 Come on, Betsy.
12:22 Well, you gotta love a product with this many options and add-ons.
12:25 See, that's where you make your money.
12:27 You take your optional rear bag.
12:30 Now, if I had a Mason dealership, I guarantee you if you walked into my showroom, you'd ride out with that bag behind your ass.
12:37 You sold me pinstripes for my escort.
12:41 No, no, no, no. Let me explain to you.
12:43 I financed you pinstripes for your escort.
12:47 So, if I'm hearing you people, this mower has surpassed your expectations and quite possibly your dreams?
12:54 Now, hold on. Boomhauer, Bill, and, uh, Rusty and me don't like it.
13:00 Of course you don't like it. Anything I like, you don't like.
13:04 Then when I say I don't like something, for example, your mother, you gotta say how much you like her even more.
13:12 Please keep my mother out of this.
13:15 How about you, Rusty?
13:17 Rusty?
13:19 Rusty?
13:21 Oh, Shackleford. Yes, I am pro-mower.
13:26 What?
13:27 I like the ashtray.
13:29 Don't be an idiot, Dale. That's the gas cap.
13:32 He's an idiot. He can use it however he wants.
13:34 Thank you, Colonel.
13:36 Well, looks like we're pretty close to a consensus. Now, if we could discuss the electric seat warmer.
13:42 Why would we need our seat warmed? That's what pants are for. Right, Boomhauer?
13:47 I don't know, Hank. Man, I'm gonna get naked on that thing. I'm gonna heat my little vibrator. It might feel good, man.
13:55 So, you're in favor of the mower, Mr. Boomhauer?
13:59 Man, I don't listen, man.
14:02 Ah, Boomhauer.
14:05 I'd like to make a point.
14:07 I already made your point, Bill. We don't like it. We like the old model, thank you.
14:12 Is that the point you wanted to make, Mr. Doe-Troop?
14:15 Yes.
14:19 No.
14:21 Hank, you have been speaking for me for... I don't know how long.
14:26 Years and years.
14:28 Well, that sounds about right. Well, starting today, William Fontaine de la Tour Doe-Troop speaks for himself.
14:36 Attaboy, Phil.
14:37 And what I have to say will rock your world. I like the cup holder.
14:44 Bill, we can order you a cup holder and I'll attach it to your 1500.
14:49 No, no. I'm sorry, Mr. Hill. Mason doesn't make parts for models that are being discontinued.
14:54 Your mower is, uh... Oh, what's a nice word for obsolete?
14:59 Collectible? Perfect.
15:01 Bill's on fire today.
15:03 Hey, little Honda.
15:04 Way to go, Bill.
15:06 Your mower's obsolete, Hank. When something gets old and tired, you gotta trade up.
15:11 You mean like you traded in mother for Didi?
15:14 I didn't trade your mama in. I traded in ass and value.
15:18 I scrapped her.
15:20 Listen to all of you. You're hypnotized by a slick mower with all sorts of bells and whistles, and you're gonna fall for it.
15:29 Well, I'm not. My mower is reliable, low-maintenance, and has held up damn well over the years.
15:36 I've got a good mower. And I have got a good mother.
15:41 Well, so let's see a show of hands. All those in favor of the new model?
15:55 Wait. Are we voting for Hank's mom or the mower?
15:59 The mower.
16:00 Oh!
16:01 Gentlemen, you've made it clear that this new mower is what today's consumer wants.
16:13 When do we get our $50?
16:18 We haven't earned it yet. This invitation specifically states that we are to discuss this new lawnmower for three hours from 9 a.m. to noon.
16:28 We still have an hour and a half.
16:30 Oh, man. Give us a break, Hank.
16:34 When you little redneck boy, you couldn't defend your mother. Now you compensate by defending your mower.
16:40 You confuse personal issues with technological. I have father issues, too, but this is a good mower.
16:47 Yeah.
16:48 No, it's not. And you know what? I'm willing to put my money where my mouth is.
16:54 I'll put up my $50, less my expenses, if you still like the new mower after I've had my say.
17:02 That works out to over $7 a piece.
17:06 Put on your tap shoes, Shirley!
17:09 Oh, my God.
17:16 We'll dead see this!
17:19 I'm sorry about all those things Cotton said about you. It doesn't mean anything. He just doesn't like you.
17:29 Oh, I wouldn't mind Cotton's rantings if Hank would just stick up for me.
17:34 Well, if it makes you feel any better, Hank doesn't stick up for me either, his own stepmother.
17:41 Now you folks think that just because this mower is new, it's improved, so we should just get rid of the old one, right?
17:48 Yeah.
17:49 Yeah.
17:50 Okay.
17:51 Well, hold on for a second. A lot of great things in life are old. Like old glory, old faithful, Old Testament.
17:59 Thou shalt not kill. Just because a baptism turns into a little drowning, everybody's gonna blame somebody.
18:07 Reverend, that's an awful thing. Can I ask you a question? What kind of car do you drive?
18:13 Mitsubishi Diamante.
18:15 Hank, if you're just about through here, I'd like to take the good Reverend over to the lot.
18:19 Put him behind the wheel of a brand new, pre-owned Sonata.
18:24 I'm not through here yet, Lane. Let me ask you this. You'd buy this mower, right? With all the bells and whistles?
18:32 Well, hell yeah.
18:33 So you'd be the one paying all that dealer markup, right?
18:37 You'd be just like me.
18:39 Whoa, whoa. Hey now, Hondo. Just a second here. Those goddang Mason sons of bitches. I'm gonna change 'em a vote.
18:46 All right, then. We're making some progress here. Now, Boomhauer, you like that fancy electronic seat warmer, don't you?
18:53 Yo.
18:54 It sounds like a good thing. I'll give you that. But, Boomhauer, when you ride your mower, where do you keep your beer?
19:00 Man, I plant that dang old beer right between the legs, man.
19:03 Between his legs. In other words, this electronic seat warmer is heating up more than just Boomhauer's can. It's also heating up his can of beer.
19:16 Man, that old warm beer, like a dang old...
19:19 That's Euro trash, man. Who'd be drinking that old warm crap?
19:22 All right. Boomhauer's on board. That makes three of us.
19:27 You'll never sway me. I am unswayable.
19:33 I'd be a little more impressed with you, Dale, if you didn't have chocolate chip crumbs all over your eyebrows.
19:39 No way.
19:41 See for yourself.
19:43 Hey, you're right.
19:46 Gah! Who are those people?
19:50 Oh, those are just people sent here to monitor your thoughts and opinions, to learn how you think. You know, get inside your head.
19:56 Gah!
20:00 That's four.
20:07 All right. I think I've got enough positive and negative comments to put together a very positive report.
20:14 Not so fast. I've still got 30 minutes.
20:19 [Dramatic music]
20:28 And Taiwan won't be far behind.
20:32 And second...
20:33 Rock the casbah, rock the casbah, show me you don't like it.
20:40 [Screaming]
20:45 That's it. This is a zero-turning radius mower, is it not?
20:49 It has a rear bag option, and it's made of ultralight space-age materials.
20:54 Now, taken alone, each of those things might be good, but combined, they're a prescription for terror.
21:00 I don't see or like where this is going.
21:03 Reverend Hubert.
21:04 I didn't drown that boy.
21:06 Would you do me the honor of getting on the mower?
21:10 Now, drive to the wall and execute a 180-degree turn.
21:17 Now engage the zero-turning radius.
21:21 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
21:27 That could have been me.
21:29 I hate this mower.
21:31 There's your space-age polymers. There's your zero-turning radius. There's your rear bag option.
21:41 My cup holder!
21:43 Oh, now I know why you're always speaking for me, Hank, 'cause I'm never right and you always are.
21:50 You know, Bill, if I'm always speaking for you and I'm always right, that means you're always right, too, doesn't it?
21:57 Well, uh...
21:59 It does.
22:01 It does.
22:02 It does! How do you like that? I'm always right!
22:07 That's everybody but one.
22:09 Preacher, if you're still in the baptizing business, I'd like you to drown my boy, Hank.
22:17 They said the ladies' room was the second door on the right, so this must be it.
22:26 I'll tell you who gets my vote. The guy who figures out a way to strap an old woman on an old mower and run 'em both off a cliff.
22:35 Oh, he's doing it again. And in public.
22:39 Don't get me wrong, Mr. Kahn. I like a woman with a big butt. Until he was taking advantage of the situation.
22:49 All right, I've had enough, Dad.
22:51 Don't you talk to me like that, boy. I'll tell you when you've had enough.
22:54 No, Dad. My mower is not too old, and my mom was not too old.
22:59 But this isn't about my mom, and it's certainly not about my mower.
23:03 It's about a bitter old man who blames everybody but himself for all his own problems.
23:09 And if you ever talk about my mom or my mower like that again, you're not welcome in my house.
23:16 Amen.
23:18 You got a fat neck, boy.
23:24 Well, I'm not sure if there is a God or a heaven.
23:30 But one thing I can tell you is your daddy's going to hell.
23:34 Hello, son. How was the focus group?
23:39 Eh, not so great. And now I've got to do all my shopping.
23:44 Have you thought about what you want for Christmas, Mom?
23:47 I don't need anything from you, Hank. You've given me enough already.
24:06 Well, I guess Peggy's got to ride home with cotton. Huh. I'll be dipped.
24:19 [Music]
24:34 [Music]
24:52 Pump Jacky!