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00:14Hey, Aleka.
00:20Good, he's not here yet.
00:22Bobby's not here. I bought him a gift.
00:25Can you guess what it is?
00:28A beach ball.
00:30Oh, yeah.
00:33Okay, but
00:34can you guess what color it is?
00:36Red, green, yellow
00:38and blue. Yeah, that's right.
00:41But, uh, okay.
00:44Can you guess
00:45how much did it cost me?
00:47About ten dollars.
00:49Yeah.
00:52That's right. Okay.
00:54But can you guess...
00:55Alright, how tall was the sales lady?
00:59Five foot three.
01:00Not even close, Mr.
01:02No.
01:03Anybody else want to guess?
01:06Alaka, Bobby hasn't moved out to California yet.
01:08He just went there to do a television pilot.
01:10Yeah, that's right. The network isn't sure about
01:12making it into a series yet. You know what I mean?
01:14Yeah. Besides, you buying Bobby a gift
01:16makes the rest of us look bad.
01:17Oh, no, no, no. You see, he expects it from me
01:20because I am his best friend.
01:22Oh.
01:24What? What are you talking about, best friend, Laka?
01:26Everybody knows I'm Bobby's best friend.
01:28Ha, ha, ha.
01:31It's so silly, it make me laugh.
01:34There is nobody closer
01:36than me and Bobby.
01:37Hey, Laka, you know, you're nuts.
01:39Me and Bobby go out together. Me and Bobby go to games together.
01:42Me and Bobby go chasing girls together.
01:44Whenever he's got a problem, he calls me.
01:45He does that to you? That's right.
01:47Oh, then I can see how that can confuse you.
01:50Oh, ha, ha, ha.
01:52Really, Tony, really.
01:53But he and I are best friends.
01:55Anyway, if he's not going to California,
01:58I better return this to the
01:59six-feet-tour sales lady.
02:03It's something else.
02:07You know, uh, hey, you know, Bobby's been gone almost six months.
02:10I hope he hasn't changed any.
02:11Yeah, you know, uh,
02:13those people in, uh, California are pretty strange.
02:16Yeah.
02:26Unlike here.
02:29Wow.
02:31Thanks, you guys.
02:35I really didn't expect this kind of welcome home.
02:40I didn't even know I was gone.
02:42Uh, Jim.
02:44Yeah.
02:44Your name is Jim, not Bobby.
02:46Huh?
02:47Maybe so.
02:49But if someone does something nice to me,
02:52I'm not one to nitpick.
02:56You guys are aces.
02:59Nice to be back.
03:01Nice to have you back, Jim.
03:04Come out.
03:10Hey, everybody!
03:11Oh, my God.
03:15Hey, hey!
03:17Oh, my God!
03:19Oh, my God!
03:19I'm so excited!
03:19Here I am back in the garage again!
03:21Yeah!
03:21This place hasn't changed a bit!
03:23Ooh!
03:24Come on, Barbaroo!
03:25There's your old C.
03:27Hey, how was California? Great, huh?
03:30Oh, I don't know.
03:31Take away the beaches, the climate, the women, the glamour.
03:35It still beats this.
03:37It's great to have a back, buddy.
03:40Hey, will you shut up?
03:42I couldn't hear myself thinking it.
03:50Hey, Louie, guess who's back?
03:55Louie.
04:02Well, Bobby Wheeler, the great actor.
04:06If I'd have known you were coming, I'd have baked a ham.
04:11Well, come to beg for your job back, huh, Bob?
04:15I didn't come back here to work, Lou.
04:17You never came here to work, Wheeler.
04:20He don't need your job no more, Louie.
04:21He's a big TV star now.
04:23Hey, hey, Tony, I'm not a star yet, huh?
04:26Yeah, well, Bobby did a pilot, and that's the first step.
04:29Oh, yeah?
04:30Well, I happen to know a little bit about the TV world.
04:34Donahue did a whole show about it.
04:37They make hundreds of pilots every year,
04:39and maybe two or three of them ever become serious.
04:43Yeah, but I have a feeling that Bobby's is going to be one of them.
04:46Yeah, I think it has a chance.
04:48Well, I don't.
04:49Why not?
04:50Because Wheeler's in it.
04:52Everything he touches is a failure.
04:54I mean, if he was at Gettysburg,
04:56we'd be singing Dixie before ball games.
05:01Yeah, well, you better watch out, Louie,
05:02because this time I think you're in for a big surprise.
05:05The only thing that surprises me, Riga,
05:07is how the rest of you can manage to keep up this masquerade
05:11of confidence in George C. Scum here.
05:15If you held a gun to his head, Wheeler couldn't act nervous.
05:20When this guy's in a play,
05:22the highest-priced seats are near the exits.
05:27When this fella goes on stage,
05:30they have to put sick bags behind the seats.
05:37All right, all right, all right, Louie, Louie,
05:39let me ask you something.
05:40Let me ask you something.
05:43What if Bobby does get into the series?
05:46Ha!
05:46No, I mean, what if he does get into the series?
05:48What, what, what?
05:49Well, you name it, Riga.
05:50You want to make a little bet here?
05:52Hundred bucks.
05:53No, no, no.
05:53Two hundred bucks.
05:53No, no.
05:54Five hundred bucks.
05:54No, no, no money.
05:56What, what, what?
05:58All right.
05:59Five, you'll congratulate him in front of all of us.
06:03Couldn't I just take out my appendix with a warm spoon?
06:07Ha!
06:07Ha!
06:09Ha!
06:09Ha!
06:10Ha!
06:10Sick bags!
06:12Come on, Louie.
06:13Hey, Lou.
06:14Come on.
06:15Now, now, now, you're, you're, you're so sure of yourself.
06:17Hey, hey, hey.
06:17What do you say?
06:18All right, all right.
06:19For sure, fine.
06:20I can't lose.
06:21All right, all right.
06:22If Wheeler's show becomes a television series,
06:25I'll congratulate him in front of everybody.
06:28Right?
06:29And then, I'll go down and sprinkle rock salt where hell froze over.
06:36Mark Spoon!
06:39Ah, come on, everybody.
06:41Let's, come on.
06:41Come on.
06:41Let's take this party over the marriage.
06:43Come on.
06:43Let's get out of here.
06:43Come on, buddy.
06:44Well, well, I'm not saying that Bobby Wheeler's a bad actor,
06:47but the only one who ever waited for him backstage was the playwright.
06:51And he had a hammer.
06:54A hammer.
06:54He had a hammer.
06:56A baseball bat.
06:57He had a baseball bat.
06:58A rubber hose.
07:00Right.
07:01Get a rubber hose.
07:02That's a straight line, Lloyd.
07:11Okay.
07:12Okay, now you got the number, right?
07:13Now, if you hear anything, just call me, okay?
07:15If you hear anything.
07:17All right, thanks.
07:18Goodbye.
07:20Well, Mr. Wheeler, you're welcome.
07:23Okay.
07:24I want to hear everything about your pilots.
07:26Yeah.
07:26Oh, okay.
07:27Well, it's an hour-long dramatic series, and I play the oldest son in an old family clan
07:31in Idaho.
07:32It's called Boise.
07:35Can't miss.
07:36I love it.
07:36I already feel like it's one of my favorite shows.
07:39Guess how much they're going to pay me a week if this thing goes to series.
07:42Just take a wild stab.
07:44150,000 bucks a week.
07:46No, not 150,000 bucks a week.
07:48No newcomer makes 150,000 bucks a week.
07:50Then how much?
07:53$3,500 a week.
07:55Hey, that's pretty good.
07:58That's pretty good.
08:00Pretty good.
08:01It's fantastic.
08:02You know, if you hadn't said 150,000 bucks a week, everybody would be going crazy right
08:05now.
08:05No, no.
08:06It's okay.
08:06It's okay, Bob.
08:07It's okay.
08:07We're impressed.
08:08Yeah, Bobby.
08:09If that's the best you can do, it's the best you can do.
08:12Tony, have you gotten dumber since I've been away?
08:15I have a phone call, Bobby.
08:16It's your agent.
08:16Oh, no.
08:17Oh, no.
08:17He's hurt.
08:18I can't move.
08:19I can't breathe.
08:20Somebody get the phone for me, huh?
08:22I'll get it.
08:28Hello, Sid?
08:29Yeah?
08:29Yeah, huh?
08:31Yeah?
08:32Well, what'd they say?
08:34Well, what did you say?
08:37Well, well, okay, listen, I'll get back to you, okay?
08:41Yeah, and thanks for calling.
08:53The party's over.
08:54Oh, no.
08:56Well, this party's over.
08:58Now we start celebrating my new TV series!
09:00You got it!
09:03Now let's celebrate!
09:05I'm still a fan trying to celebrate, not the way TV stars celebrate.
09:09I'm going to rent a hotel suite up at the plaza, and I'm going to show you what a real
09:12party is.
09:13Poison, Poison, Poison, Poison, Poison, Poison!
09:16Hold it down, hold it down.
09:20You ain't seen Poisonic yet.
09:24Bobby, now that you are going to be back in New York, I bought you a present.
09:28But you have to guess what it is.
09:32I will give you a hint.
09:37It keep you warm, and it rhymes with ziermuffs.
09:44Earmuffs.
09:44Earmuffs.
09:45Earmuffs.
09:46Earmuffs.
09:52Give up?
09:55It is earmuffs.
09:58Hey, Blanca, listen, I really appreciate it, but I'm not going to be needing them now.
10:01I got the series, and I'm going to California.
10:04Come on, we're moving the party up to the plaza.
10:06All right, let's go!
10:07Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison!
10:14Boison!
10:23Boison!
10:31You know, uh, this champagne isn't quite cold enough.
10:34Would you make sure the next batch is a little more chill, please?
10:37Yes, sir.
10:42Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison,
10:53Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison,
10:53Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison,
10:54Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison, Boison
11:35Transcription by CastingWords
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