Ever found yourself thinking… I wish I was smarter, healthier, more outgoing, engaging, driven, focused – but that’s just not me? Then this one piece of wisdom could change everything.
“That’s just who I am.”
If you’ve ever said that to yourself, then I’m here to call bullshit on it. And I’ll tell you why…
First, I want to say that I massively value authenticity. Being uniquely me in all aspects of my life is where my true joy is found. For a huge part of my life, though, this value was actually holding me back. It had become a way of accepting all parts of me without question: I am a worrier; I’m not good at making friends; I am destructive in relationships; I’m shy; I compare myself to others and worry about what they think; I’m awkward in social situations… that’s just who I am.
By thinking that these things were fixed in me; an inherent part of my personality; something I must accept and embrace – I gave up all control over them. I became the victim of my own personality traits.
For me, the shift happened after I suffered a brain injury. Yes – a serious bang to the head was my starting point for so much self-evaluation and discovery. It literally knocked some parts of me right out of my being. And that’s when it dawned on me: these things weren’t who I was, they were just patterns I’d got myself in. The fact that my damaged brain had lost them, showed that they were based on memories and repeated actions, rather than something that was at the very core of who I was – something that could never really be lost.
So I started looking at all the patterns I’d got myself in, good and bad, and asking myself: How does this serve me?
“I’m a worrier.”
How does this serve me?
“It doesn’t – it makes me anxious and takes time, energy and focus away from other important things.”
That’s where the real work began. I dug deep into when, where and how each pattern presented itself; what triggered it; what benefits and rewards I got from it. And then I took one step at a time to replace it with a pattern that served me.
After a year of intense work, deliberately and intentionally reframing each faulty circuit and negative thought cycle, I’m still the same me. I’m open and honest, kind and compassionate, ambitious and motivated. But I am all of those things whilst also feeling calm and purposeful (replacing the anxious worrier), relaxed and engaging (kicking out the shy, awkward girl), and vulnerable and accepting (banishing the fearful destruction).
So, where do you start?..
The key to changing anything is first to acknowledge it. The next time you tell yourself, your partner, your friends: “That’s just who I am”, take a moment to acknowledge that this is a cop out. It’s the mother of all excuses and it’s probably what’s keeping you stuck in the aspect of your life where you don’t yet feel fulfilled.
Next, remind yourself that it’s within your control to change it. Remember: it’s not about being a different you, it’s about how to become a better u
“That’s just who I am.”
If you’ve ever said that to yourself, then I’m here to call bullshit on it. And I’ll tell you why…
First, I want to say that I massively value authenticity. Being uniquely me in all aspects of my life is where my true joy is found. For a huge part of my life, though, this value was actually holding me back. It had become a way of accepting all parts of me without question: I am a worrier; I’m not good at making friends; I am destructive in relationships; I’m shy; I compare myself to others and worry about what they think; I’m awkward in social situations… that’s just who I am.
By thinking that these things were fixed in me; an inherent part of my personality; something I must accept and embrace – I gave up all control over them. I became the victim of my own personality traits.
For me, the shift happened after I suffered a brain injury. Yes – a serious bang to the head was my starting point for so much self-evaluation and discovery. It literally knocked some parts of me right out of my being. And that’s when it dawned on me: these things weren’t who I was, they were just patterns I’d got myself in. The fact that my damaged brain had lost them, showed that they were based on memories and repeated actions, rather than something that was at the very core of who I was – something that could never really be lost.
So I started looking at all the patterns I’d got myself in, good and bad, and asking myself: How does this serve me?
“I’m a worrier.”
How does this serve me?
“It doesn’t – it makes me anxious and takes time, energy and focus away from other important things.”
That’s where the real work began. I dug deep into when, where and how each pattern presented itself; what triggered it; what benefits and rewards I got from it. And then I took one step at a time to replace it with a pattern that served me.
After a year of intense work, deliberately and intentionally reframing each faulty circuit and negative thought cycle, I’m still the same me. I’m open and honest, kind and compassionate, ambitious and motivated. But I am all of those things whilst also feeling calm and purposeful (replacing the anxious worrier), relaxed and engaging (kicking out the shy, awkward girl), and vulnerable and accepting (banishing the fearful destruction).
So, where do you start?..
The key to changing anything is first to acknowledge it. The next time you tell yourself, your partner, your friends: “That’s just who I am”, take a moment to acknowledge that this is a cop out. It’s the mother of all excuses and it’s probably what’s keeping you stuck in the aspect of your life where you don’t yet feel fulfilled.
Next, remind yourself that it’s within your control to change it. Remember: it’s not about being a different you, it’s about how to become a better u
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Lifestyle