00:00 (upbeat music)
00:02 - Welcome back to the Rap Battle Tournament.
00:23 Let's take a look at last week's battle
00:25 between the St. Bernard and the Pitbull.
00:27 - It was a battle of epic proportions,
00:29 unlike any other this world has witnessed.
00:33 - That's one way to put it.
00:34 Let's look at a clip.
00:35 - So stop this aggression and come give me a hug.
00:38 - Yeah, bring it in.
00:40 A hug in the heat of battle.
00:42 - It was Taylor Swift, or was it Nicki Minaj,
00:45 who said, "Love is a battlefield."
00:47 - A very strange tactic.
00:49 - I don't know about strange, I found it pretty sweet.
00:51 - Tom, I'm not gonna hug you.
00:53 Let's get into today's battle.
00:55 - Here is the border collie, hailing from Scotland
00:58 without a hint of an accent, I might add.
01:00 He loves barking at other animals
01:02 and calls himself Boss Dog.
01:06 - Border collie, you heard, I do.
01:08 - And he's up against the Husky, straight out of Alaska.
01:12 He's got eyes like ice and a flow like lava.
01:15 - Yo, yo, it's the Husky, kicking in the door,
01:17 making all you perpetrators freeze.
01:19 - Terrifying.
01:20 Now, let's get ready to rap battle.
01:23 (air horn blaring)
01:28 - Yo, everybody, watch this.
01:31 - Yo, y'all ready for me to serve this fool?
01:33 (air horn blaring)
01:36 ♪ It's the polar steamroller back in the flesh ♪
01:42 ♪ Verbal scalpel set to dissect ♪
01:44 ♪ From the frozen beach, your defense is breached ♪
01:46 ♪ Get up off the beat 'cause I need a relief ♪
01:48 ♪ I'm the super breed, my suit's tight tonight ♪
01:51 ♪ You're rapping like you're bringing a kazoo ♪
01:52 ♪ To a bazooka fight ♪
01:53 ♪ Frightening game of sharks and minnows ♪
01:55 ♪ I'm the winner, you're just dinner ♪
01:58 ♪ Trust me, you don't want none with Husky ♪
02:00 ♪ You're blustery because your poetry's sucky ♪
02:02 ♪ I orchestrate your ego's deflation ♪
02:04 ♪ And twist your fate like Chernobyl mutation ♪
02:07 ♪ You're about to see what border collies do ♪
02:09 ♪ The Husky's scared, dropping frozen poo ♪
02:11 ♪ You got Eskimos, I got my whole sheep crew ♪
02:13 ♪ Mad swag like Romeo Montague ♪
02:16 ♪ Or Don Juan, you know King Chistophan ♪
02:18 ♪ But this rap phenomenon will grate you like Parmesan ♪
02:21 ♪ Other dogs and cats try to copy me ♪
02:22 ♪ You get your harmonies from the cast of Glee ♪
02:25 ♪ Seriously, you can't see me ♪
02:27 ♪ I count in sheep with my peep on a seelie ♪
02:29 ♪ My flock is ruthless ♪
02:31 ♪ You're cold, dropping deuces ♪
02:32 ♪ I rhyme on the regular, lodging like a nebula ♪
02:34 ♪ I rhyme it like my climate, way too cool ♪
02:36 ♪ You want a sample, you can sample my stool ♪
02:39 ♪ It's just me, skilled, blessed, and lucky ♪
02:41 ♪ The webcams film me sleep as a puppy ♪
02:43 ♪ Your dome is full of mental slowness ♪
02:46 ♪ You're simple and limp like the biscuit of your flowies ♪
02:48 ♪ On your mark, get set ♪
02:49 ♪ On the pole, corduwet ♪
02:50 ♪ Crazy how dark it get, you should really see a vet ♪
02:52 ♪ You're the lamest jump, you did all right in round one ♪
02:55 ♪ But your dreams are crushed and your time is up ♪
02:57 ♪ I spit hot dung 'til my tongue gets calloused ♪
02:59 ♪ I light up my palace with a row of Borealis ♪
03:02 ♪ I'm in the Husky size 'cause I'm fat ♪
03:04 ♪ No tit for tat 'cause your rap's a straight whack ♪
03:06 ♪ You're a fat Husky 'cause you're eating pastrami ♪
03:09 ♪ I'm a border collie, I'm a hotter than Gandhi ♪
03:11 ♪ All I hear is a moaning zombie ♪
03:13 ♪ You say you're cool, but I'm cooler than Fonzie ♪
03:15 ♪ You're flim-flam, can't stand my lyrical ram jam ♪
03:18 ♪ Go back to the lambs, you're played like a trans-am ♪
03:20 ♪ I love my lambs, at least I have fans ♪
03:22 ♪ And you're up on your stage all alone with your jams ♪
03:25 ♪ Never step on my stage and spit ♪
03:27 ♪ 'Cause I'll wear the crown 'til next Ice Age hits ♪
03:29 (crowd cheering)
03:32 - Wow, another unbelievable match.
03:39 - Hell yeah!
03:39 - Be sure to cast your vote below
03:41 and tune in next week for the final.
03:43 We'll find out who you've chosen to battle each other.
03:46 And don't forget to have your pets fed or neutered.
03:50 Wait, what?
03:51 (upbeat music)
03:54 (upbeat music)
03:57 (upbeat music)
03:59 (upbeat music)
04:02 (upbeat music)
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