- 12 years ago
Not Rated | 1h 30min | Comedy
A mockumentary about the rise and fall of Hollywood's life coach to the stars.
Director: Josh Stolberg
Writers: Jennifer Jostyn, Leila Leigh
Stars: Ian Bagg, Greg Baker, Bernadette Birkett
A mockumentary about the rise and fall of Hollywood's life coach to the stars.
Director: Josh Stolberg
Writers: Jennifer Jostyn, Leila Leigh
Stars: Ian Bagg, Greg Baker, Bernadette Birkett
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You guys ready?
00:00:11Well, I mean, having a life coach has really been transformative.
00:00:16Having LC come into my life really just gave me a whole new perspective.
00:00:21I just have a special place in my heart for him.
00:00:24I like to call him my lucky charm.
00:00:25Great.
00:00:26Could you just move off that, yeah, thank you.
00:00:33I don't like anyone sitting on, yeah.
00:00:36I am just such a lighter person.
00:00:38I just have so much more fun and, you know, nothing really gets under my skin.
00:00:42Really, I know it's a chair, but it's actually not meant to be sat on.
00:00:45I think hopefully I answered your question.
00:34:37Up next on the�문
00:34:57Excuse me.
00:34:58Excuse me.
00:34:59Hello.
00:35:00You don't know how to do the steps?
00:35:01This is in the dance class for advanced dancers and you don't belong here.
00:35:04I'm a Shit Factory.
00:35:05I know, but I think you're going to hurt yourself.
00:35:07And I don't want you to hurt yourself, and I don't want you at all to get in front of any of my professional dancers and hurt them.
00:35:12Oh, I wouldn't dream of hurting anybody.
00:35:14Well, you almost knocked him over.
00:35:15I'm sorry. I know. I saw that. I'm sorry.
00:35:17There's plenty of other classes in this city to take, and the private better for you to do that.
00:35:21It's okay.
00:35:22Okay?
00:35:23Okay.
00:35:24All right, let's do it again. Come on.
00:35:25Okay.
00:35:26And I just want you to calm, close your eyes, and just breathe.
00:35:35In preparation for the coming out, Sunshine got centered.
00:35:39Is that Mike? That's me.
00:35:43Should you be answering the phone in the middle of the meditation?
00:35:47I told you Monday afternoon, I'm not. Can you turn the camera off, please? Off.
00:35:52I'm not putting up with this shit.
00:35:54You know what? $80 an hour, I don't need you guys to be having a conversation. You know what I'm saying?
00:35:59I just feel frustrated because all the stuff that I see people doing, you know, on tapes and stuff, that looks really cool and really hard, we're not doing.
00:36:07I want to learn how to do something more advanced.
00:36:10Well, let's, um...
00:36:11I want to do something that shows that I've been doing this for three weeks.
00:36:14Okay, cool. You want me to show you a pose, and then we'll see if you can do it?
00:36:17Yeah.
00:36:18Okay.
00:36:19I do another downward doggy or whatever, like I'm going to throw up.
00:36:21Okay.
00:36:22This one's called Vasisthasana.
00:36:24Both legs super straight, then you're going to shine out through your heart and move into a beautiful backbend.
00:36:29Okay, that's, I mean, do you see what I'm saying? Like, that's more what I want to, okay.
00:36:32Okay. Just remember that I've been doing this for about eight years.
00:36:36Okay.
00:36:37Okay. So I'm going to take it easy. All right, remember how I said start in a push-up position?
00:36:42Okay, just listen to me. Don't get frustrated. When you fall, that shows me that you're really trying.
00:36:46That's beautiful.
00:36:47You know what? I have CFS.
00:36:52Should we stop?
00:36:58I want you to do a step and make no sound.
00:37:02You know, it's funny that the actual foot that's doing the step, I'm able to do in silence,
00:37:06but the balance foot is the one that makes the noise.
00:37:16In anticipation of the big event, Larry did a little shopping.
00:37:21Thanks a lot.
00:37:22He wanted to find the perfect outfit for the first time he met our C's.
00:37:26How you doing?
00:37:27Good.
00:37:28My name's Greg.
00:37:29Okay, yeah, great. I'm sorry. I just, everything was too big. Like, the shoulders were, like, they're hanging over.
00:37:35No, no, no. I didn't even notice you checking me out. I wondered if you want to go get a cup of something. I have a breakdown.
00:37:41You thought I was checking you out? Did you think I was gay?
00:37:44Well, yeah.
00:37:45Really?
00:37:46This store and the way you were looking at me and the way you're dressed and everything.
00:37:50There's, like, helplines and stuff if you want to, like, for guys that are just coming out and stuff.
00:37:55I'm not coming out. There's nothing to come out of. I'm out of the straight closet.
00:38:03Well, my sister Jacqueline is throwing us, me, a Botox party.
00:38:09I am so proud of my little sister who has always been the life of every party. It's so cute.
00:38:16I'll do anything to look my best for L.C.
00:38:19I think Botox is very important. I have silicone Botox collagen.
00:38:23Is the Botox safer than the silicone?
00:38:25What is safe? You know what's not safe? Being ugly.
00:38:28How do you know Dominique?
00:38:30Well, she used to clean my house. I mean, she used to be my, my dog sitter.
00:38:36We met in a women's shelter in New Orleans.
00:38:39Really? What were you doing there?
00:38:41I don't know, but I woke up with a gun to my head one morning.
00:38:45How do you think Dominique's changed since she's gone to the life coach?
00:38:48The aura that just surrounds her. I mean, it's just this bright, bright, golden aura that surrounds her.
00:38:55After meeting the life coach, she can do no wrong. She looks gorgeous.
00:38:59You know, she's lost some weight. Her hair is fuller. She looks younger.
00:39:03She's gotten to a higher state of consciousness.
00:39:18Back at L.C.'s, Francis' nerves were clearly on edge.
00:39:21It seemed the pressure of his imminent appearance was becoming too much for him to bear.
00:39:25He had endured several sleepless nights and he confided to me that he was in great discomfort because he hadn't been regular for days.
00:39:32As the hours wore on, L.C. grew more and more agitated.
00:39:35As if thinking he was going to die, L.C. became more and more agitated.
00:39:39He confided to me that he was in great discomfort because he hadn't been regular for days.
00:39:44As the hours wore on, L.C. grew more and more agitated.
00:39:47As if things couldn't get any worse, Francis received an urgent call from Jonathan Silverman,
00:39:52trying to cancel his tap performance for the coming out party because he got the three episode arc on Strong Medicine.
00:39:58Good luck.
00:40:00Francis, you seem a little tense. How are you feeling?
00:40:03What does James 417 call? I'm giving you an easier one.
00:40:08What does James 417 call? I'm giving you an easier one.
00:40:15I'm sorry about the documentary.
00:40:17What do you mean you're sorry about the documentary?
00:40:20Where are you going?
00:40:22I don't know and it doesn't really matter.
00:40:24You're coming out parties tomorrow and we're trying to capture the whole thing on film.
00:40:28You know what? Get someone else to do it.
00:40:30I can't.
00:40:31Francis, come back inside. We'll talk about it.
00:40:35My pants are too green to be out here on the street.
00:40:38Please.
00:40:39I called L.C. all night, but to no avail.
00:40:42He was uncharacteristically unreachable, in spite of the fact that his fans were eagerly anticipating his appearance.
00:40:48You know, I'm really excited about seeing him for the first time because he's going to get to see me for the first time.
00:40:56I don't know what I'm going to wear and I don't know how I'm going to get my hair blown dry.
00:41:01You know, I remember as a young boy going to the opening of Star Wars and just being very excited by that.
00:41:12And I don't feel the two things are related at all, but there you have it.
00:41:22I feel a yearning, I feel a longing to meet him.
00:41:26I mean, I've been thinking all week about what to wear and I have this unbelievable pair of Manolas that I'm going to wear.
00:41:32I mean, you know, I can't keep saying it.
00:41:34Nothing in this business, nothing on this earth thrills me like the idea of L.C. coming out.
00:41:40This is big.
00:41:41I mean, this is like the Berlin Wall coming down or Nelson Mandela coming out or, you know, Martha Stewart getting out of prison.
00:41:48Big.
00:41:56Yeah, that'd be great.
00:42:05Well, I just want to tell you something else.
00:42:07He's gone.
00:42:08Right.
00:42:09That's all you have to say.
00:42:13He's gone.
00:42:14He's not here anymore.
00:42:15No one knows where he is.
00:42:16Hold on.
00:42:17Yeah.
00:42:18Well, so the subject of the film is now gone.
00:42:20I don't see how we can continue with the film anymore, Fred.
00:42:23Now you have a film.
00:42:24Now he's gone.
00:42:26Now you've got some drama.
00:42:27You know what you're doing now?
00:42:28You're grabbing my balls.
00:42:29And I love it.
00:42:30Get out there.
00:42:31Go.
00:42:32Okay, but this is great.
00:42:33This is great.
00:42:34Twists and turns.
00:42:35Go ahead.
00:42:36If it were all of us, we'd never do that.
00:42:37Okay.
00:42:39With no other option but to continue with the film, I headed back to L.C.'s apartment to see if there had been any word from Francis.
00:42:44I just want to play it.
00:42:45No.
00:42:46Hold on one second.
00:42:50Hey, boys.
00:42:51Francis just called.
00:42:54He's in Guatemala.
00:42:56He's in Guatemala.
00:42:57He's not coming back.
00:42:59He's not going to be here.
00:43:00Nothing.
00:43:01Maybe we'll have to.
00:43:03Who is that?
00:43:04No.
00:43:05Don't tell him he's not here.
00:43:07You have a what?
00:43:11Well, then you should.
00:43:14No.
00:43:15Then just.
00:43:17Don't.
00:43:18Don't do that.
00:43:20Don't do that.
00:43:22Don't.
00:43:23Then don't.
00:43:25You're welcome.
00:43:29Okay, I will.
00:43:32Okay.
00:43:34Nobody knows Francis.
00:43:36No one's even seen him.
00:43:38It could be you.
00:43:40It's perfect.
00:43:44Pick it up.
00:43:45Pick it up.
00:43:46Hello?
00:43:47I need your help.
00:43:48I just, I got cramps.
00:43:51Are you lighting your farts?
00:43:52No.
00:43:58Hello?
00:44:00Is it your hole again?
00:44:02Could you take your thumb and put it in your balloon knot and.
00:44:07Well, I can certainly try.
00:44:10You do this and then you're going to be the guy.
00:44:14You're not like Francis, some big white load.
00:44:17Put down the keys.
00:44:18Get out of the car.
00:44:19Don't be a pussy.
00:44:20Don't be a pussy.
00:44:21You shut up.
00:44:22You get your life together.
00:44:23You are the night rider.
00:44:24You are the night rider.
00:44:25You are the night rider.
00:44:26You are the night rider.
00:44:27Come on.
00:44:43They're just waiting, so we're going to see what comes of it all.
00:44:47I know, you know, what they came for and what people need.
00:44:52What happens if they realize that you're a fraud, that you're not a C?
00:44:55I want to say to everybody that, you know, answers are all within the.
00:45:04Oh, God.
00:45:06I'm trying to think of antidotes to tell people.
00:45:11Who picked out the outfits?
00:45:14OK, let's go downstairs now.
00:45:18Coming out was, in the end, everybody wins.
00:45:45It was a big fantabulous, to coin a phrase, success.
00:45:49Thanks to.
00:45:51It got off to a bumpy start.
00:45:53L.C. was a little, when he came on, he was a little timid around the crowd.
00:45:56Which, actually, it was genuine.
00:45:57That was authentic.
00:45:58This microphone is working.
00:45:59He's, you know, he's a very inward, spiritual man.
00:46:02That's why most of his relationships are on the phone.
00:46:04And I mean only on the phone.
00:46:06We all have phone relationships, sexual or otherwise.
00:46:08But his relationships were purely on the phone until that point.
00:46:12So he came down the stairs, got the skittish ram back up.
00:46:15It was just, it was charming.
00:46:17It really was.
00:46:18He was a bit cultish.
00:46:19He is very attractive.
00:46:22He's a handsome buck.
00:46:24It's not what I expected.
00:46:26Zoe, I'm going to ask a third time for that lotion.
00:46:29Because there's none in here.
00:46:30And you know how my fingers get.
00:46:32I think Zoe will soon be let go-y.
00:46:34We didn't have the star power we would have liked to have had.
00:46:36Unfortunately, a lot of stars weren't also.
00:46:38Because across town at the same night.
00:46:41And this couldn't be helped due to scheduling problems.
00:46:43There was the benefit to raise awareness of the poor cell phone reception
00:46:46in the West Hollywood, Hollywood area.
00:46:48Dominique was there, which was great.
00:46:50She was, you know, dazzling as per usual.
00:46:53They have a very special relationship, she and Elsie.
00:46:55The funny thing is between me and you and the clock on the wall.
00:46:59He didn't seem to acknowledge her or see her.
00:47:02And she seemed a little underwhelmed herself.
00:47:06After some initial, you know, timidity and reticence.
00:47:10Elsie really pulled it together and just like came out gangbusters.
00:47:13Questions were thrown at him, you know.
00:47:15Just ad hoc, ad lib questions.
00:47:18And he was coming back with these amazing, like, you know.
00:47:21You had to think.
00:47:22It wasn't just spoon fed to you.
00:47:24You had to think about what he was saying.
00:47:26Internalize it.
00:47:28Interpret it for yourself and your world.
00:47:30Which I think is the way to go.
00:47:32I recommend being naked in your living room.
00:47:37I mean, that's what the Jesus was like, right?
00:47:40Zoe, I'm not kidding about the lotion.
00:47:44It was an amazing success.
00:47:47Really, everyone there left feeling a sense of accomplishment.
00:47:51Forward journey.
00:47:54Patience.
00:47:57Poignancy.
00:47:58And elation.
00:48:00In fact, just this morning we did an amazing photo shoot with her.
00:48:05With a very, I'm not going to drop any names, but a really hot photographer.
00:48:09The rest of the world on fire.
00:48:11It's pretty hot stuff.
00:48:13In spite of the excitement surrounding Bud, I could only feel anxious.
00:48:17I'd hoped that the coming out party would mark the end of my involvement in this project.
00:48:21But Fritz insisted that I continue to document the story.
00:48:24There were only eight more weeks until the polar bears were to begin their mating.
00:48:28And the pressure was on.
00:48:30With a new determination to see this through to the end, I headed back to the one person I knew couldn't be fooled.
00:48:35That wasn't him.
00:48:37I was furious.
00:48:38That's not him.
00:48:39And no one will listen to me.
00:48:41That wasn't him.
00:48:42That's not what he looks like.
00:48:43Have you been trying to tell people?
00:48:44Yes, I've been trying to tell everyone.
00:48:46No one believes me.
00:48:47They're like, oh, he was so wonderful, so charming.
00:48:49That wasn't him.
00:48:50He was great.
00:48:51He was so full of life and intelligent and piercing.
00:48:56But that wasn't him.
00:48:57Oh, but he was so great.
00:49:00And he was so good looking.
00:49:02But that wasn't him.
00:49:03Don't you understand?
00:49:04Hold on.
00:49:05I have to get this.
00:49:06Sorry.
00:49:07Yes, hello, Cheryl.
00:49:08Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
00:49:12Listen, I'm with some people right now.
00:49:14So maybe we could schedule something.
00:49:16That would be wonderful.
00:49:19Oh, that is very difficult.
00:49:21That would be wonderful.
00:49:23Oh, that is very difficult.
00:49:25That's a very difficult situation.
00:49:27Next time, why don't you think before you RSVP?
00:49:33OK.
00:49:34Good.
00:49:35Regular time?
00:49:36Fantastic.
00:49:37OK.
00:49:38Hey, keep breathing.
00:49:40OK.
00:49:42Sorry.
00:49:43I notice that your technique is very different from Elsie's.
00:49:47I care.
00:49:48I know what I'm doing.
00:49:49He's not a life coach.
00:49:51He's a bully.
00:49:52He's an idiot.
00:49:53Rupert, I'm down to three clients.
00:49:56You only have three clients left?
00:49:58Yes.
00:50:01One of them does the animations on Space Ghost.
00:50:04Wasn't that show canceled?
00:50:06Yes.
00:50:07I'm representing a cousin of Bob Saget and the set dresser from Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
00:50:15Have you found that since the new Elsie has come out, you've actually had less clients than the real Elsie?
00:50:23Bob Saget's cousin is considering leaving, going to Elsie.
00:50:29I don't even want to go there.
00:50:36Thanks.
00:50:40I just thought he'd be different somehow.
00:50:45It was really magical seeing Elsie for the first time.
00:50:49I've been crying all night.
00:50:51Gloria and I were both so moved, and I feel like I'm almost ready to do this.
00:50:57I feel like I can do it.
00:51:02I can do it.
00:51:04I'm going to do it soon.
00:51:06I showed up on time.
00:51:07Just unfortunately, it was at a bar mitzvah.
00:51:09Do you have any regrets about last night?
00:51:11I just wish that Mama would have been there.
00:51:14She would have really been happy to see.
00:51:17She's currently at the Promises Rehab Facility in Malibu.
00:51:21Oh, really?
00:51:22That's what my staff is telling me.
00:51:25Oh, that's cool.
00:51:26What's new, Mark?
00:51:27I was on Charlie Rose this morning, talking about the fact that he doesn't think that you're the actual Elsie,
00:51:33that he doesn't think that you're the life coach, saying that you're a fraud.
00:51:36How do you feel about that?
00:51:38No, wait, who said this?
00:51:40What's new, Mark?
00:51:42He's out there on various talks shows talking about the fact that you're really a fraud.
00:51:45Are you worried at all?
00:51:47No, because I haven't even seen the show What's New, Mark.
00:51:52No, but it's not a show called What's New, Mark.
00:51:54It's a person.
00:51:55It's What's New, Mark.
00:51:56Well, I think the guy's got such a weird name that I don't think I'm too worried about the guy anyway.
00:52:01Over the next few weeks, Bud's popularity as Elsie continued to grow.
00:52:06Everyone in town was clamoring to see him.
00:52:08He was Hollywood's new it boy.
00:52:28He seemed to get on especially well with his female clients.
00:52:31I'm still having a little bit of trouble.
00:52:33John has a lot of money and a lot of connections in the industry,
00:52:39but then Mark, he's really sweet and really nice, but he doesn't have any money.
00:52:45You don't like him?
00:52:47He just doesn't have a lot of money, and he doesn't have any connections with the industry.
00:52:52I'm feeling kind of torn.
00:52:54I don't know if I should try to make it work with John or if I should stay with Mark because I really like him.
00:53:00Sometimes how you talk, you use a lot of different, what I call, characters.
00:53:06There's Mark and there's John.
00:53:08I don't think that you're making yourself clear.
00:53:11Guys are constantly flirting with me, and they're constantly looking at my ass and my tits.
00:53:16I don't know what to do.
00:53:18You do have nice tits.
00:53:21You are hot.
00:53:23Do you want to be not hot?
00:53:27Yeah.
00:53:28I really need liposuction.
00:53:29Hold in your breath.
00:53:30That's what I do.
00:53:32You just have to hold it in and sit up straight.
00:53:37Good.
00:53:38Yeah.
00:53:39They look real, right?
00:53:40Yeah.
00:53:41Yeah, yeah.
00:53:42So now, um, well.
00:53:44After three weeks of observing Bud stumble through his client sessions,
00:53:48I finally got a phone call from my second unit in Guatemala.
00:53:51They had found Francis.
00:54:00The trouble was, he didn't want to be found.
00:54:08Back in L.A., I was amazed that even Francis' most fervent clients
00:54:12were fooled by the man they believed to be L.C.
00:54:14Are those leather boots?
00:54:17Yeah.
00:54:18But I thought you said that you were vegan and that you don't eat or wear anything.
00:54:23Do you see me eating these boots?
00:54:25No, no, so.
00:54:27Hurry up, because I don't want to catch him out.
00:54:29Hi.
00:54:30You aren't going to believe what happened to me.
00:54:32This guy asked me to be on the one-night stand.
00:54:40One-night stand!
00:54:42And he didn't care.
00:54:43He didn't care that I was pregnant or anything.
00:54:45What's the dude look like?
00:54:46I haven't seen him yet.
00:54:47It's a blind date.
00:54:48What's his name?
00:54:49I don't know.
00:54:50They're going to phone me with all the information.
00:54:51You're going to be on TV?
00:54:52I'm going to be on TV?
00:54:54What?
00:54:55No, that's good.
00:54:56No, that's good.
00:54:57That's cool.
00:54:58Andrew, how do you feel about your girlfriend who's pregnant with your child going on a
00:55:02date on TV?
00:55:08No, whatever.
00:55:09I think it's good.
00:55:16It's good.
00:55:27No, don't.
00:55:30No, don't.
00:55:32Excuse me.
00:55:34Get out of my way!
00:55:35Hello.
00:55:36Hi.
00:55:37Hiya.
00:55:38I was seeing relationships fall apart all over town.
00:55:41It seemed the bug was stepping over the line and showing his female clients an inappropriate
00:55:45amount of attention.
00:55:46One woman was even threatening a lawsuit.
00:55:49So, um, Miss Goldstein, you're about to go public with your suit against LC.
00:55:53What exactly happened?
00:55:55He tried to seduce me with an anchovy.
00:55:58What?
00:55:59That's retarded.
00:56:00And it worked.
00:56:01What?
00:56:02What do you mean it worked?
00:56:03And I'm proud of that.
00:56:04What do you mean it worked?
00:56:06Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:56:07What worked?
00:56:08It didn't work all the way, but it worked.
00:56:10What's not all the way?
00:56:11It works part of the way.
00:56:13Well, like oral part of the way?
00:56:15Or like hand job part of the way?
00:56:17What part of the way?
00:56:18He fingered her.
00:56:19Some things.
00:56:20He fucking fingered her.
00:56:21It was one finger!
00:56:22That's enough!
00:56:24I stopped it after that!
00:56:26Great.
00:56:27Well, now his hand smells like failure.
00:56:30I think the lesson here is sometimes, um, people you need, uh, fuck you over, I guess
00:56:39is the lesson.
00:56:40They fuck you hard.
00:56:42I'm getting fucked.
00:56:43I couldn't help but notice that many of Frances's male clients seemed disappointed and frustrated
00:56:47with the advice from the man they believed to be LC.
00:56:50I paid you for a plan.
00:56:52Yes, you did.
00:56:53You have the plan.
00:56:54I want people to meet me and say, hey, after they meet me, you know, hey, you know, good
00:56:59or bad.
00:57:00Do you want some nuts?
00:57:03Yeah.
00:57:08Maybe that helped you.
00:57:10I'm Armenian.
00:57:11Armenian.
00:57:12So, Armenians aim for Armenia.
00:57:14I don't know if you realize this, but I've waited a long time to see you.
00:57:19The shirt, you know, I can forgive the shirt thing.
00:57:22That thing was funny.
00:57:24Well, that was to relax you because you're obviously so tense right now.
00:57:27One more thing.
00:57:28Put these in your eyes now.
00:57:33This is bullshit.
00:57:34I came here for help.
00:57:35You guys suck.
00:57:36Finish your, your, your deal.
00:57:38Whatever the fuck you guys are up to.
00:57:40I attacked you like that.
00:57:41Attack me?
00:57:42Kiss my ass.
00:57:43Finally, casual disrespect led to utter disregard as Bud stopped showing up for his male clients
00:57:49altogether.
00:57:50And this is the third time that you've tried to meet him?
00:57:53Um, yeah.
00:57:58This is Lad 7, right?
00:58:00Maybe I didn't specify AM or PM to him, so that's my fault.
00:58:06Now all that was left for Bud to do was to end his relationships formally with all his
00:58:10male clients.
00:58:11I lost my mind, I lost my head.
00:58:15Todd, I have to tell you something.
00:58:17I can't be your life coach anymore.
00:58:19Peter, I can only imagine that it hurts.
00:58:21Get yourself together and just take a deep breath.
00:58:24Yeah, crying's okay, but I'm going through like a time for myself.
00:58:31It's me, I'm kind of, I'm just in a place in my life where I feel kind of like I need
00:58:37to be alive.
00:58:39It would make me more happy for you to be happy.
00:58:43I have to break this off.
00:58:44I'll call Skip.
00:58:45Oh, he was a crier boy.
00:58:47You're not the only one.
00:58:48I can't be your life coach.
00:58:50Hello?
00:58:55With five weeks until polar bear mating season, I contacted Fritz begging him to let me wrap
00:59:00this project up.
00:59:01Unfortunately, we didn't exactly see eye to eye.
00:59:07Sadly, my second unit was having no luck getting Francis to cooperate.
00:59:19You know, I see a red ring.
00:59:25Over time, even Bud's female clients began to feel neglected.
00:59:28I don't feel like you're being very helpful, and you help me so much on the phone, and
00:59:32I, I don't know what to do.
00:59:33I'm tired all the time.
00:59:34My CFS is really bad.
00:59:36Well, what is that?
00:59:38I've told you five times, chronic fatigue.
00:59:41Right, right, right, right, right.
00:59:42Why don't you just, uh, just eat some meat?
00:59:47Because I like, I love animals.
00:59:49Are you even listening?
00:59:50No, I am.
00:59:51What is...
00:59:52You should use an inside zone.
00:59:54You're not even looking at me.
00:59:59Hey, have you ever seen Nine and a Half Weeks?
01:00:04Do we have that, uh, beef, um...
01:00:07Hey, where's your CD collection?
01:00:10In that moment, a plan was born.
01:00:12Sunshine was flooded with memories of the years that she had spent watching Gloria practice
01:00:16her Nine and a Half Weeks routine.
01:00:18Unfortunately, she couldn't find the Nine and a Half Weeks soundtrack in Bud's collection,
01:00:22so she picked one that she was sure would work just as well in her efforts to get Bud's attention.
01:00:47This is it right here.
01:00:50Stand my mic up.
01:00:52Let's do it, let's do it.
01:01:16You make me feel like I'm floating.
01:01:47Eat.
01:01:48Eat.
01:01:49Eat.
01:01:50Eat.
01:01:51Eat.
01:01:52Eat.
01:01:53Eat.
01:01:54Eat.
01:01:55Eat.
01:01:56Eat.
01:01:57Eat.
01:01:58Eat.
01:01:59Eat.
01:02:00Eat.
01:02:01Eat.
01:02:02Eat.
01:02:03Eat.
01:02:04Eat.
01:02:05Eat.
01:02:06Eat.
01:02:07Eat.
01:02:08Eat.
01:02:09Eat.
01:02:10Eat.
01:02:11Eat.
01:02:12Eat.
01:02:13Eat.
01:02:14Eat.
01:02:15Eat.
01:02:16Eat.
01:02:17Eat.
01:02:18Eat.
01:02:19Eat.
01:02:20Eat.
01:02:21Eat.
01:02:27The next morning I got a call from Gloria.
01:02:29She was concerned she hadn't heard from Sunshine since the previous day.
01:02:33Immotionally she couldn't contain her excitement, because her episode of One-Night Stand was about to air.
01:02:38Gloria Lowman.
01:02:40Happy.
01:02:45Hi, it's David, David Sider, for our date.
01:02:52Hi, come on in.
01:02:54Okay.
01:02:55Hi, how are you?
01:02:57Are you Gloria?
01:02:59I'm Gloria, nice to meet you.
01:03:02Good to see you, come on in.
01:03:05Okay.
01:03:06And he's just the biological father of my baby.
01:03:12And he's just the biological father of my baby.
01:03:15You ready?
01:03:16We'll be back soon.
01:03:17Bring me back a chicken parmesan.
01:03:19Absolutely.
01:03:20So fucking cool hat, man.
01:03:23Okay, you ready?
01:03:24Oh my God.
01:03:26Sounds pretty stale.
01:03:30I'm not sure if that's kosher.
01:03:32No, I think it is, yeah.
01:03:35Um, well...
01:03:42Do you like potatoes?
01:03:44Oh, would you like some potatoes?
01:03:50I don't know, if we could have the check, maybe that would be...
01:03:52It's a little too much hospitality.
01:03:54Sometimes I feel it from you.
01:03:56I'm sorry, I think you're going to be a great mother.
01:03:58You're really, really sweet.
01:03:59I gotta go.
01:04:01I'm not paying the check.
01:04:02I wish I could say this has been a nice evening, but it hasn't.
01:04:05I think you're really great.
01:04:06I'm just looking for love.
01:04:08And I think you're going to find it.
01:04:10But just not from you.
01:04:11Well, I've heard that before.
01:04:14Thank you for nothing.
01:04:15Just save it.
01:04:17I mean, you guys could have told me.
01:04:21Forgot my chicken food.
01:04:23All right, babe.
01:04:25Yeah.
01:04:26Got your chicken parmesan.
01:04:28Gloria, do you have no problem having someone on the show who has a boyfriend?
01:04:32Well, as I've said before...
01:04:33She's already got a boyfriend.
01:04:34Hey.
01:04:35Hi.
01:04:36Hi.
01:04:37Hi, I have good news.
01:04:43You know.
01:04:44What do you know?
01:04:45Why didn't you tell me?
01:04:46Guess whose nine and a half weeks thing really works.
01:04:51Did you watch the show?
01:04:52No.
01:04:54Me and Elsie.
01:04:55Nine and a half weeks all the way, baby.
01:04:57Woo!
01:04:59Sunshine, the nine and a half weeks thing is mine.
01:05:01It's what I've been working towards my whole life.
01:05:03What did you do?
01:05:04Anchovies.
01:05:07What?
01:05:08Why?
01:05:09You know about this?
01:05:10Yes.
01:05:11I do.
01:05:12You know what?
01:05:13I'm taking care of myself.
01:05:14That's typical.
01:05:15Go carve a soap.
01:05:16And if you want to see a real woman strip, why don't you come follow me right now?
01:05:20Yeah.
01:05:26Yeah, hi.
01:05:27I'm here to see Elsie.
01:05:28Uh, this is off hours and we're...
01:05:30I'm sorry.
01:05:31It's really important and I understand he's busy, but it's very important.
01:05:33I have a mission here and I have to show him how a real woman...
01:05:36You can't come in here.
01:05:38You can't come in here.
01:05:39Wait a minute.
01:05:40Wait a minute.
01:05:41What is it?
01:05:42Well, no.
01:05:43We're closed, guys.
01:05:44Come on.
01:05:45All right?
01:05:46Come on.
01:05:47Let's go.
01:05:50Just one second.
01:05:51All right.
01:05:52Here we go.
01:05:55You good?
01:06:00Oh, yeah.
01:06:01Oh, yeah.
01:06:02Feel it.
01:06:03Oh, yeah.
01:06:04Yeah.
01:06:05Yeah.
01:06:07Come here.
01:06:16Come here.
01:06:18The other side.
01:06:21Oh, yeah.
01:06:22Oh, yeah.
01:06:24Do you feel it?
01:06:26Do you feel it?
01:06:27Oh, god.
01:06:28That's the way my family likes me.
01:06:35Um, let's go wait in the car.
01:06:49So, Bud has completely taken over the business.
01:06:52Alright.
01:06:53But he's made a complete shambles of it.
01:06:54I mean, he's sleeping with like 30 to 40 women a day.
01:06:57Fucking awesome.
01:06:59As delighted as Fritz was with Bud's outlandish behavior,
01:07:02he was still determined to get some sort of closure with Frances.
01:07:05My second unit continued to try to track down Frances in Guatemala.
01:07:09Unfortunately, their efforts continued to be unsuccessful.
01:07:12I can't believe it. That's my dad.
01:07:16I've been waiting for this moment for so many years.
01:07:21In the meantime, I returned to Bud's to find out what exactly had happened with Gloria.
01:07:26So, Bud, did you, um, did you have, um, physical relations with Gloria?
01:07:34The pregnant one.
01:07:35Oh, that was weird. It was awesome.
01:07:38Was it weird because she's eight and a half months pregnant and that's probably not safe?
01:07:41I think I've helped her, if anything, because all that girl needed was a little bit of, you know, confidence.
01:07:48Her lower parts look the same as like anybody else's.
01:07:54I don't know what her, uh, if she's seen somebody now.
01:07:59No, she, uh, she lives with her, um, boyfriend.
01:08:02Does he know that she's pregnant?
01:08:05Yes, I think, um, I think he does.
01:08:08Bud's gross self-indulgence and complete ineptitude were wreaking havoc on his clients all over town.
01:08:14Gloria's sleeping with him.
01:08:16Does it bother you that Elsie's sleeping with someone that's not you?
01:08:19Does it bother you that it's Gloria?
01:08:21Gloria's not my friend anymore.
01:08:23It really hurts.
01:08:25I can't sleep.
01:08:27I can't eat.
01:08:28I can't get up.
01:08:29This is the worst I've ever had it.
01:08:31Had what?
01:08:33CFS.
01:08:34Gloria's caused your tired disease then.
01:08:36I can't believe I ate all that meat.
01:08:38I can't believe it.
01:08:39Because you're a vegan.
01:08:43Everything's just falling apart. If you want to know the truth, it's just falling apart.
01:08:48Sunshine's not talking to me.
01:08:51Elsie was a, was a big sham, a big fake.
01:08:54He never should have slept with me.
01:08:56He knew I was vulnerable.
01:08:57He knew that she was vulnerable.
01:08:59And now where are we?
01:09:00We've been making progress, you know?
01:09:02He broke up with me.
01:09:04I was his fault.
01:09:05I loved him so much.
01:09:07What's, are you, what's, what's the matter?
01:09:09I want a cookie.
01:09:10I want a cookie.
01:09:13He said I'm too old.
01:09:17I'm sure he'll get better.
01:09:23Some people felt so rejected, they were even leaving town.
01:09:26So, Larry, you're moving back to Nebraska.
01:09:30Why?
01:09:31I mean, I could center on the negative, which would be basically that Elsie hasn't called me back yet, I haven't met him yet, or, you know, and I lost all my clients to a massage therapy school.
01:09:43But the positive, and the biggest positive, is love.
01:09:46Love. You're going home for love.
01:09:48I am.
01:09:50I don't know if I told you about this, but I had an ex-girlfriend, and, well, she was my girlfriend.
01:09:55Can you get me a Fresca?
01:10:00With polar bear mating season fast approaching, I was forced to reexamine my priorities.
01:10:06Reluctantly, I picked up the phone and called Francis.
01:10:09I felt I had to tell him the state of affairs.
01:10:11Francis, as a documentarian, I have been sort of struggling with the ethics of whether or not I should call you or not, but it might seem to be seriously screwing up your business.
01:10:31Bob, wake up!
01:10:32Look, I feel it's only right to let you know that I called Francis yesterday.
01:10:37He's on his way home from the airport right now, and I feel I should warn you he's not happy at all about what you've done to his business.
01:10:45This is, you know, obviously, this is a design that I have that is working.
01:10:55What?
01:10:56That does work.
01:10:58Some chips.
01:10:59I was just cleaning up this place.
01:11:01What the fuck is going on here?
01:11:02Hold on one second.
01:11:07What the fuck did you do with the money?
01:11:09There should be some in there.
01:11:11It was shocking to me that it never dawned on Francis that his business might fall apart in his absence.
01:11:16Yet it was difficult to not feel sympathy for a man in such obvious pain.
01:11:20Francis kicked all of us out and told Bunrigoni they were no longer welcome in his home.
01:11:25As they rode off into the sunset, I wondered if I'd ever see this duplicitous pair again.
01:11:31I wondered if I'd ever see this duplicitous pair again.
01:11:34I tried to get back in to see Francis, but it seemed he was too distraught to talk to me.
01:11:39Until the next day, when Francis called me with some exciting news.
01:11:43Life Coach is back.
01:11:45It's gonna be beautiful.
01:11:46Everybody's gonna turn out.
01:11:47It's gonna be this massive party for Life Coach.
01:11:50Life Coach is back.
01:11:51How great is that?
01:11:52Here's what we're gonna do.
01:11:54I'm having a come out party tonight, and they are gonna come back.
01:11:58Because of the honesty.
01:12:00I was away for a little while.
01:12:01It took a little sabbatical.
01:12:02Tried to get from point A to B and got stuck somewhere between A and B.
01:12:06But anyways, that's a side note.
01:12:08It's gonna be beautiful.
01:12:09Everybody's gonna turn out.
01:12:11It's gonna be this massive party for Life Coach.
01:12:14Because Life Coach is back.
01:12:16Francis had left messages for his clients all over town, inviting them to the big night.
01:12:21He was sure that just the sound of his voice would bring them back.
01:12:24And that he could provide an explanation for where he had been and what Bun had done.
01:12:29So, Francis, you're back. How do you feel?
01:12:32I feel good.
01:12:34Can you just Febreze me for a second?
01:12:37Just get me good.
01:12:39Okay.
01:12:42One more.
01:12:43Is there enough seating down there? Is everything okay?
01:12:46Yeah. I think there's enough seats.
01:12:52They're assembling for me.
01:12:56I mean, they believe in me.
01:12:58And that means...
01:13:03That means so much.
01:13:28Shh!
01:13:29Shh!
01:13:30Shh!
01:13:31Shh!
01:13:32Shh!
01:13:33Shh!
01:13:34Shh!
01:13:35Shh!
01:13:36Shh!
01:13:37Shh!
01:13:38Shh!
01:13:39Shh!
01:13:40Shh!
01:13:41Shh!
01:13:42Shh!
01:13:43Shh!
01:13:44Shh!
01:13:45Shh!
01:13:46Shh!
01:13:47Shh!
01:13:48Shh!
01:13:49Shh!
01:13:50Shh!
01:13:51Shh!
01:13:52Shh!
01:13:53Shh!
01:13:54Shh!
01:13:55Shh!
01:13:56Shh!
01:13:58Shh!
01:14:00Shh!
01:14:05Shh!
01:14:06Shh!
01:14:07Shh!
01:14:08Shh!
01:14:09Tonight, before I fade away, my thoughts are upon
01:14:33The sound of every word you say, my faith, I'm not strong
01:15:03And yet, no one in Los Angeles seemed to desire his guidance anymore.
01:15:08All over town, people speculated about what had happened to the great L.C.
01:15:12He could be selling used cars, he could be, you know, masseuse somewhere.
01:15:16I hope he's okay. I'll tell you why he's not around anymore.
01:15:19Because the mob offed him. I could show you where he's buried.
01:15:23I'm busy, but I know where it is.
01:15:26If you've ever been to Vegas, you go out I-15, just past Whiskey Pete's, and there he is.
01:15:32He's got, uh, these women in Utah, they're beautiful.
01:15:35I think that he's among us. You know, it's where's Waldo.
01:15:39He's hurt a lot of people, and, um...
01:15:46And it's just a bad time.
01:15:52What happened to L.C.?
01:15:54Well, there is such a thing as discretion, and he doesn't have it. That's all I'm gonna say.
01:15:59I mean, who didn't he sleep with, right?
01:16:01And he's not even a director.
01:16:05A lot of people say he spent a lot of time fucking a lot of his clients, and, you know, that could be true.
01:16:10I don't know what the big deal is, you know, here in Hollywood, having sex with somebody,
01:16:13it's like talking, breathing, you know, it's how we bond.
01:16:16I also heard that he, uh, got a film in Guam.
01:16:20So, if that's true, you know, wow.
01:16:26You know, remember, remember Swingers? Those guys blew up afterwards.
01:16:30Um, I didn't, I didn't realize he was gone.
01:16:36I, I wonder, I feel like that should entitle me to a refund of sorts.
01:16:43Dominique wasn't going to let Francis go down without a fight.
01:16:46She went all over town knocking on doors, begging Francis's clients to give him a second chance.
01:16:51She was sure that they wouldn't be able to resist this personal touch.
01:16:56I'm sorry.
01:17:14Gloria!
01:17:16I'm sorry.
01:17:27I'm sorry.
01:17:39Tonight!
01:17:41I did it, and tonight we're going to celebrate!
01:17:45Dominique had done it.
01:17:47Slowly but surely, Elsie's clients started to trickle back in, and Seeker's advice once again.
01:17:52So, things are so much better now, right?
01:17:56It's more than I ever could have hoped.
01:17:58There's something magical about Elsie.
01:18:01And, uh, and he was so clear about it, I just missed the message at the beginning.
01:18:06What was that message?
01:18:07I was upset, you know, she wasn't eating, and we weren't talking.
01:18:10And, and I, I would call Elsie, and I said, you know, Sunshine's really upsetting me, and she's not eating, and I don't know what to do.
01:18:17And he was like, fuck Sunshine, fuck Sunshine.
01:18:21Why are you so sad?
01:18:23That's not how he meant it.
01:18:25You're so deep.
01:18:26What's going on, man?
01:18:27Why don't you answer the phone?
01:18:29You answer the phone.
01:18:31Where do you both see yourselves in five years?
01:18:33Where would you like to be?
01:18:36Do I have to move?
01:18:40People were making peace all over town.
01:18:42I didn't know what to do. It was about 3.30 in the morning.
01:18:45I'd started smoking again.
01:18:47It was pretty bad.
01:18:49I didn't know who to turn to, and I...
01:18:54I hate to admit it, but I gave Elsie a call.
01:18:56You called Elsie?
01:18:58I did.
01:18:59You know, maybe I was wrong about Elsie.
01:19:02He's, he's got something.
01:19:05He really does.
01:19:06What would you say to him right now, if you could, if he was here?
01:19:10I'd say...
01:19:13Thanks, champ.
01:19:17Thanks.
01:19:18It's nice.
01:19:20Thanks.
01:19:23You've been great, too.
01:19:27So long.
01:19:28I was surprised that Dominique's grassroots efforts to save Elsie's business were actually successful.
01:19:33And yet, when all was said and done, Francis found himself back on top of the LifeCoach business, in spite of myself.
01:19:40I have to admit, I was truly happy for Francis.
01:19:43For the first time, I realized how deeply I cared about this project.
01:19:47Now that Elsie had come out to his fans, there was no denying the light that emanated from his every call.
01:19:53This complicated and troubled man had finally found...
01:19:56real peace.
01:20:18I love you.
01:20:20I love you, too.
01:20:48I'm feeling guilty cause I've taken it down
01:20:54And you're still around
01:20:59I tried to get it right
01:21:03Too many times I tried not holding you down
01:21:09I won't
01:21:13I tried to keep myself together
01:21:16Now I let you down
01:21:18Got a blue sensation
01:21:21I looked for love in the wrong direction
01:21:24Now I'm standing here with my blue sensation
01:21:36There it is, the fruits of our respective labours.
01:21:41Boy.
01:21:42It's not what I expected. At all.
01:21:45You know, in a good way, not what you expected, or in a sort of, um...
01:21:48In a, they won't sell, they won't sell for shit kind of way.
01:21:53Like, I thought there was gonna be, you know, sex, and sex, people like sex, you know what I mean?
01:21:59I didn't see one tip.
01:22:00It's shit.
01:22:01Dang it! You know what I mean?
01:22:02I don't know. It sucks, right?
01:22:04Right?
01:22:06No, I don't think you're right.
01:22:08Look, I'm sorry, and I'm really quite tired of this,
01:22:11and I don't care if you fuck my shit up, or knife my family, or whatever you threaten to do,
01:22:16but I think the film is great, and I think it says everything we wanted to say,
01:22:20and, you know, it's done.
01:22:22This is a film, and I'm happy with it.
01:22:23And look, I want two BAFTAs, and they don't just give those out to people who don't have talent.
01:22:27No, they don't.
01:22:28I'm sorry there's not more sex, Miss, you know, crazy freak, porn queen.
01:22:32Or there's not enough gusto, but I think, you know, it's a good film, and that's...
01:22:38I'm sorry, what's...
01:22:39Good for you. Good for you. Look at you.
01:22:42Look at you, you little...
01:22:43I mean, you came in here like a little guppy outside.
01:22:46I mean, you make the movie. I want to make a movie about bears.
01:22:49What do you say, sir?
01:22:50Now look at all the balls you got.
01:22:52You learned something out there, didn't you? You crazy nut.
01:22:55That's hilarious.
01:22:56You're a funny fuckface. You're really funny.
01:22:58You know what? Go out there.
01:23:00Go up in the woods, wherever you're going to do it.
01:23:02Make that...
01:23:03Good luck with the pandas.
01:23:04I'll help you out.
01:23:05Make the panda film.
01:23:06Polar bears.
01:23:07Whatever.
01:23:09Whatever.
01:23:36One way home
01:23:38I listened to what you said
01:23:40I listened to what you said
01:23:42Now I'm stoned, cold to the fire
01:23:46One way home
01:23:49Oh, I listened to the radio
01:23:53And now, same old song singing
01:23:57One way home
01:24:01It's clear as day
01:24:07I think it's time that you stayed
01:24:13I think it's time that you stayed
01:24:15Slow it down, take your time
01:24:19One way home
01:24:22It's going down too easy
01:24:24It's going down way easy
01:24:26Like a child, killing time
01:24:30One way home
01:24:33Oh, I listened to the radio
01:24:37And now, same old song singing
01:24:41One way home
01:24:45It's killing time
01:24:50It's killing time
01:24:55What you see is what you find
01:24:57It's not what you left behind
01:24:59It's locked the door and let me in
01:25:01A certain sound that moves me
01:25:04Pulls you back and back again
01:25:06Someone need me by the hand
01:25:08I can't hold out, I'm sinking in
01:25:10I'm trying to shine, I'm falling down
01:25:13Let's find a new day
01:25:15Let's find a new day
01:25:17And I'm stoned, killing time
01:25:21One way home
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