- 11 years ago
Comedy (2007) 75 minutes ~ Color
STASH follows the misadventures of Jimmy Fox (Brian King), a good-hearted nebbish, who hits on the business idea of a lifetime. For a modest fee, he and his cousin Bobby (Will Clinger) come to your home (in the event of your death) and secretly remove all your porn before your spouse or children have a chance to find it. Jimmy calls the process “PMR” (post mortem retrieval).
But major trouble is on the horizon. Jimmy’s long suffering wife Alice (Mary Kay Cook), is at her wits end. Jimmy’s in-laws, the Bookenlachers (Marilyn Chambers and Tim Kazurinsky), are threatening legal Action. But it all finally comes to a head when a mysterious client known only as Mister X (Jim Carrane) walks through Jimmy’s door.
A sinister-looking children’s entertainer, a man obsessed with clowns, Mister X touches off a deep-rooted vein of paranoia within Jimmy But when Jimmy finally works up the nerve to sneak into Mister X’s basement crawlspace, the story takes an unexpected turn. In the end, Jimmy learns that nothing is as it seems.
Steeped in pitch black satire, told in the style of mock Documentary, STASH is a delicate balance of character richness and knife-edged parody.
Director: Jay Bonansinga
Writer: Jay Bonansinga
Stars: Tim Kazurinsky, Marilyn Chambers, Brian King, and Mary Kay Cook
STASH follows the misadventures of Jimmy Fox (Brian King), a good-hearted nebbish, who hits on the business idea of a lifetime. For a modest fee, he and his cousin Bobby (Will Clinger) come to your home (in the event of your death) and secretly remove all your porn before your spouse or children have a chance to find it. Jimmy calls the process “PMR” (post mortem retrieval).
But major trouble is on the horizon. Jimmy’s long suffering wife Alice (Mary Kay Cook), is at her wits end. Jimmy’s in-laws, the Bookenlachers (Marilyn Chambers and Tim Kazurinsky), are threatening legal Action. But it all finally comes to a head when a mysterious client known only as Mister X (Jim Carrane) walks through Jimmy’s door.
A sinister-looking children’s entertainer, a man obsessed with clowns, Mister X touches off a deep-rooted vein of paranoia within Jimmy But when Jimmy finally works up the nerve to sneak into Mister X’s basement crawlspace, the story takes an unexpected turn. In the end, Jimmy learns that nothing is as it seems.
Steeped in pitch black satire, told in the style of mock Documentary, STASH is a delicate balance of character richness and knife-edged parody.
Director: Jay Bonansinga
Writer: Jay Bonansinga
Stars: Tim Kazurinsky, Marilyn Chambers, Brian King, and Mary Kay Cook
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00What you are about to see is true.
00:00:09My name is Anastasia Royal and I directed the following documentary.
00:00:13At the advice of my legal team, I want to assure viewers that neither I nor my cameraman
00:00:17Mikey Fitzgerald were responsible for any of the mishaps that occurred during this production,
00:00:22nor do we condone the activities of the company known as Discreet Removals.
00:00:28Enjoy the film.
00:00:29Please refer all comments, complaints, and or lawsuits to our attorney, Walter Maxim
00:00:33Esquire.
00:00:34You ever use one of those nasal hair trimmers?
00:00:55No.
00:00:56It's right, totally out of the blue.
00:00:57Natalie told me that I needed to trim this stuff.
00:00:58Mm-hmm.
00:00:59She said, when are you going to braid that shit?
00:01:00You know?
00:01:01I don't know, it's made me really self-conscious.
00:01:02I feel like I've got good grooming.
00:01:03Yeah, I think we can talk about that later.
00:01:04Can we talk about getting focused before we start?
00:01:05Yeah, I'm sorry.
00:01:06Sorry.
00:01:07Let's get focused.
00:01:09What are you doing?
00:01:10I'm pointing at cells that we're working with.
00:01:11Whoa.
00:01:12Nice antiques.
00:01:13Yeah.
00:01:14Yeah.
00:01:15Yeah.
00:01:16Yeah.
00:01:17Yeah.
00:01:18Yeah.
00:01:19Dude, a little respect.
00:01:39I'm just saying.
00:01:43Okay.
00:01:44All right.
00:01:48You take the third floor.
00:01:49I'm going to take the second floor and then we meet up in the basement.
00:01:51Cool.
00:01:52Okay?
00:01:52Yeah.
00:01:53You got it?
00:01:53Yeah.
00:01:54Alright, let's do it.
00:02:00Shhh.
00:02:19Okay.
00:02:44It's strange.
00:02:45Whenever there's a death in the family, an empty house seems, I don't know, more silent
00:02:52than your average empty house.
00:02:56I can't put my finger on it, you know?
00:02:58It might have to do with the fact that no one's there.
00:03:05I think that has something to do with it.
00:03:07I've never pointed this out to Bobby.
00:03:09I didn't even think he'd really, I don't even think he'd get it.
00:03:15I can smell a stash.
00:03:17You know, the kind of paper they use has a certain smell to it.
00:03:22So I'll just go into a house.
00:03:23I won't even need the map.
00:03:24I'll just go right to the stash because I'll smell it.
00:03:30You want to know who's worst?
00:03:34Priests and clergymen.
00:03:38They are into some freaky shit.
00:03:41I'm totally, I have hauled in amazing amounts of this stuff, too, out of a preacher's house.
00:03:48No lie.
00:03:49And, actually, should we be talking about this?
00:03:52Because the Catholic Church could, like, boycott this movie.
00:03:58Most guys, though, are just into your normal, you know, what you call your everyday removal
00:04:04job, normal, everyday porn.
00:04:11The truth is that I get a deep sense of satisfaction at the end of every job, no matter what.
00:04:19Because we've successfully removed another deceased man's pornography, promptly and professionally,
00:04:26without his wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, sister, great aunt stumbling upon it.
00:04:31And for the survivors, we provide something that I like to call, I phrase this myself,
00:04:38R.I.P.
00:04:39Resting in Peace.
00:04:44I added the I-N-G.
00:04:49Sure you have enough time to go to the recycling plant?
00:04:51You bet.
00:04:52That's exactly what I'm going to do, recycle the hell out of this stuff.
00:04:57I will, come on, trust me.
00:04:59Jesus.
00:05:01Global warming, man.
00:05:02Recycle, reuse, it's rewards first.
00:05:06No, it's recycle, resume.
00:05:08No, no, it's restore.
00:05:09No, it's recycle, reward.
00:05:10I wrote it.
00:05:12Are you sure about that?
00:05:13Yes, resume, what is resume?
00:05:14That doesn't sound right.
00:05:15That doesn't sound right.
00:05:16What do you mean it doesn't sound right?
00:05:37Your reputation, sir, is what we're all about.
00:05:42Do you worry about a family member finding your stash when you're no longer around?
00:05:46Introducing discrete removals.
00:05:48In the event of your death, we will secretly come to your home or office and remove any trace of porn use.
00:05:53From closets, computers, desks, hard drives, basements, and any of those hard-to-reach areas you sometimes worry about.
00:05:59Call now for a free prospectus.
00:06:011-800-PORN-OUT
00:06:03That's 1-800-PORN-OUT
00:06:15How did it all start, Jimmy?
00:06:17A couple years ago, a friend of mine came to me who was HIV positive.
00:06:23He came to me a few weeks before he died, actually.
00:06:26And he asked me if I could do him a favor.
00:06:32He was living with his mom near the end, and he asked me to remove his porn before she could find it.
00:06:44And so, while she was at the visitation, I went in and I cleared out his stash.
00:06:54I still have it.
00:06:56Remember the money, remember the money, remember the money, remember the money, remember the money, remember the money, remember...
00:07:05I have been the administrative assistant for discrete removals for three years now.
00:07:16Yeah, about three years, give or take.
00:07:18How do you like it?
00:07:19I hate it.
00:07:21I mean, I don't hate it completely.
00:07:28Is it Jimmy?
00:07:29Oh, no, no, Jimmy's a sweetheart.
00:07:33No, it's not Jimmy at all.
00:07:44If I had to put my finger on it, you know, if I had to say, I'd say it's the clients.
00:07:49I got chocolate pudding on my mouth.
00:07:51Overall, as a group, they're just sort of icky, if that makes any sense at all, you know?
00:07:59They're just kind of icky.
00:08:01And, you know what, I think I'll stop right there.
00:08:06Could I get one of those things that just sort of covers up your face like it's tile?
00:08:11Mosaics.
00:08:12Yes, I would love one of those.
00:08:14Sir, hi. Jimmy Foxx.
00:08:16I'll just put hand sanitizer on.
00:08:17Okay.
00:08:19Oh, don't even give it a second thought.
00:08:21Now, I don't mean to throw numbers at you right away, but at first time, initial fee, non-refundable, $1,500.
00:08:26Plus a deposit of $5,000.
00:08:28Wow.
00:08:29Yeah.
00:08:30I don't have a checking account. I've got to get money from my mom.
00:08:34That's the part of it I'm going to need you to take care of.
00:08:36What we'll take care of is the removal, okay?
00:08:39But, I mean, how do you know about the location?
00:08:44The location?
00:08:45Yeah.
00:08:46And that's why I'm going to bring you over to my chart here.
00:08:48I figure there's a little simpler way to discuss things with clients.
00:08:51Okay, so here's how it works.
00:08:53You give us a map with your contract.
00:08:56Your deposit is on Captain Escrow until your death.
00:09:00Could you turn the cameras off, please?
00:09:03But, sir, let's just finish the process and then you can go and do whatever you want.
00:09:06I understand. Please turn it off.
00:09:08I'm going to go. If you don't turn those off.
00:09:10Can I just talk to him for a second?
00:09:12Could you please? I'm asking you nicely now to turn the cameras off, okay?
00:09:15I still see the camera light on.
00:09:17I'm sorry.
00:09:21What did he say?
00:09:22He said a lot of stuff.
00:09:24You know, that's what he said.
00:09:27I don't think I can really divulge much to you.
00:09:34You seem kind of rattled.
00:09:35I'm not rattled.
00:09:37I'm not rattled at all, actually.
00:09:39You know, we get all kinds to come through the door.
00:09:42All I know is that he came to us and he said, you know,
00:09:45I have this stuff that I need taken care of, my stash,
00:09:48and I just need it, you know, destroyed after my death,
00:09:52and it was very dear to him.
00:09:53And I said, hey, dude, that's what we do here at Discreet Removals.
00:09:57That's our business.
00:09:58He also said that the stuff he has isn't exactly pornography.
00:10:03Not exactly pornography?
00:10:05Not exactly pornography.
00:10:07What does that mean?
00:10:09You got me.
00:10:12I have no idea.
00:10:20I'd like to find out.
00:10:29There she is.
00:10:32Nurturing body and soul.
00:10:35Hi, Mom.
00:10:37Hi.
00:10:39I can get in that stuff.
00:10:41I need this.
00:10:57How would I describe our relationship?
00:10:59Ow, ow, ow.
00:11:02Fine.
00:11:03Damn it.
00:11:04Grudgingly fine, but fine.
00:11:08Maybe in a little grudging kind of way.
00:11:13Please, please.
00:11:14All right.
00:11:15I need some ice.
00:11:19What?
00:11:20I can't help it.
00:11:22Blame God.
00:11:23This is not, I didn't make this.
00:11:26Do we have any cookies?
00:11:29I will admit that I do have issues with porn.
00:11:33Okay?
00:11:35Fair.
00:11:36I said it.
00:11:38Call me repressed, call me anti-feminist.
00:11:43I've hated it ever since I was 12,
00:11:45and my brother forced me to show my bare self to his friends
00:11:52so that they could take pictures of me for a quarter apiece.
00:11:57Does Jimmy know about that?
00:11:59Oh, yeah, it's a long story.
00:12:00I'd actually rather not get into that.
00:12:03I don't take an active interest in Jimmy's work.
00:12:06Well, put it this way,
00:12:09this so-called business of his, this discreet removals,
00:12:16it's become a sort of uneasy compromise between us.
00:12:24You know?
00:12:25I mean, it's been like three years,
00:12:28and I still don't know how to answer the question,
00:12:30so what does your husband do?
00:12:32Well, actually, he removes dirty magazines from people's houses.
00:12:37What about yours?
00:12:40Jimmy, have you ever considered quitting all this?
00:12:46Yeah, I quit.
00:12:47You know, it's just another small business,
00:12:50but I only say that because I think there's a lot I could do.
00:12:55So, yeah.
00:12:56You know, I got my master's in medieval art history from UMPTI.
00:13:01What's that?
00:13:03UMPTI?
00:13:05Upper Michigan Peninsula Technical Institute.
00:13:09Midwestern, very well-known in the Midwest for a lot,
00:13:14especially medieval art history.
00:13:18Hey, what's going on?
00:13:22What are you doing?
00:13:25I'm ready. Let's go.
00:13:27All right. You know we're late again.
00:13:29I'm driving everybody, so let's get a move on.
00:13:32What are you talking about everybody?
00:13:34The crew. Anastasia, Mikey, us, me, you.
00:13:39You're kidding, right?
00:13:41No, I'm not kidding.
00:13:42You think they were going to stay here and just, yeah.
00:13:45They're coming with.
00:13:46This is what we signed up for.
00:13:47This is what we're doing every day.
00:13:48They're going to be here all the time.
00:13:50You want to bring a camera crew to our couples therapy?
00:13:53Yeah, babe.
00:13:54What are you talking, are you insane?
00:13:57I don't know what that means to stay private between you and us.
00:13:59Okay, okay, and I understand that.
00:14:01Well, obviously you don't because when I said that it would be okay for you
00:14:04to bring all these people into our house and follow you around, that's fine,
00:14:07but no, this is just wrong.
00:14:11No, I'm not going to do it.
00:14:12This is good. Get it out now.
00:14:14Absolutely not.
00:14:15Get it out now because they're going to be with us for a few weeks.
00:14:17Just don't wait.
00:14:18No.
00:14:19Let's get it out now before we go to the therapist.
00:14:20I don't want to be embarrassed.
00:14:21They're going to make it tasteful.
00:14:22It's going to be powerful.
00:14:24Are you both sure you want to share this with the outside world?
00:14:30Absolutely, yeah.
00:14:33Alice?
00:14:35Alice, are you comfortable with a camera being in here?
00:14:41We're supposed to talk about these things in front of a camera crew?
00:14:45Like Jimmy's impotence?
00:14:46We're supposed to talk about Jimmy's impotence.
00:14:48Okay, honey, really?
00:14:51Is this really what you want, Jimmy?
00:14:53Do you want to talk about your dysfunctional penis for a documentary?
00:14:56Okay, okay, okay, moving on.
00:14:58No, no, no, I'm sensing some anger being processed here.
00:15:02Move the snake the way you wish it would move.
00:15:06That's right.
00:15:07Now go.
00:15:08It might be very healthy.
00:15:09Shh.
00:15:12Do you feel the fertility?
00:15:15Listen, your little shh is all over the place,
00:15:18and I think it's pretty gross, and I'm not paying for it.
00:15:20I would like for you to talk to me and not down to me.
00:15:24I'm sorry if you felt that way.
00:15:27Can you see my eyes?
00:15:30Probably not with my glasses on.
00:15:33I know you weren't breastfed, right?
00:15:36That's right.
00:15:37We talked about this months ago.
00:15:38How did you know that?
00:15:39We talked about it our first session.
00:15:41I thought this was going to be helpful, and I thought you were actually a doctor.
00:15:44It is helpful.
00:15:45I have my Ph.D.
00:15:46And not some deadhead.
00:15:47It must be such a struggle for you to try to find your conscious center.
00:15:51It is.
00:15:56Allison and I have our problems, just like any other couple would.
00:16:01She's an amazing girl, really.
00:16:04She's wonderful.
00:16:06How does she fit into the discrete removals equation?
00:16:10She, at first she didn't really appreciate the corporate mission,
00:16:16but she's coming around.
00:16:17She's totally, totally coming around these days.
00:16:23In fact, I'm actually glad that you brought up the corporate mission.
00:16:28My business plan, I guess, is to be national by the time I'm 40.
00:16:34I mean, up until now, we've advertised local tabloids, the back of local swinger mags,
00:16:48a few dirty websites here and there, keeping everything within a 50-mile radius.
00:17:04We're about to explore.
00:17:06I want to open branches all across America, like Starbucks on every corner.
00:17:11I want to advertise in Penthouse and Christian Science Monitor,
00:17:15pop-ups on the Internet, everywhere you go.
00:17:18Everywhere.
00:17:22What I've discovered and why I think the future is so bright for this company right now
00:17:27and as we go forward is that it's not just the client who wants to smoke clear it out.
00:17:34It's the loved ones, too.
00:17:58Go, go, go.
00:18:01Look, when I said thinner slices, I didn't mean carpaccio.
00:18:04Thinner as in deli?
00:18:05Thinner as in cheaper.
00:18:06Aren't they going to notice we're a little light compared to last year?
00:18:09Tell me you're not filming this.
00:18:11We're not filming this.
00:18:13Oh, here we are.
00:18:14Here we are.
00:18:15Here we are.
00:18:16Honey, they're advertising people.
00:18:17They're going to be sponsored by the time we get the potatoes.
00:18:20Yes, we'll definitely get it.
00:18:24Oh, my God.
00:18:28Get in the car.
00:18:32Get in the car.
00:18:37You're not just going to leave that, are you?
00:18:39Can you open my door?
00:18:44Alice?
00:18:48Babe?
00:18:49Alice?
00:18:57Alice?
00:19:21Has she ever left you before?
00:19:24She didn't leave me.
00:19:26She's coming back.
00:19:29What Alice and I have is...
00:19:36It's more than soulmates.
00:19:38I don't even like using that word.
00:19:40Because it's so much more than that.
00:19:42Happy birthday.
00:19:49It's cosmic.
00:19:51Okay?
00:19:52It's spooky.
00:19:54This has nothing to do with me.
00:19:56At all.
00:19:58Well, Jimmy and his wife Alice came to see me a couple years ago.
00:20:02Morgan, introduce yourself to the group.
00:20:05Hello, my name is Morgan and I'm a penis keeper.
00:20:08Hello, Morgan.
00:20:10What I want to do is the desensitizing ritual.
00:20:13It starts like this.
00:20:15Hell no.
00:20:17My penis will not grow.
00:20:20Jimmy was definitely one of the worst addicts I've ever seen.
00:20:24At the height of his active stage, he was abusing himself up to 12 times a day.
00:20:29And spending upwards to a thousand dollars a month on pornographic internet sites and tapes and magazines.
00:20:36Hell no. My penis will not grow.
00:20:45I have to say, Jimmy was very receptive to the therapy.
00:20:49He responded beautifully to the 12-step program and all of the desensitizing exercises.
00:20:55He really is one of our big success stories.
00:21:06It's open.
00:21:20Dude.
00:21:22Dude.
00:21:27What's the deal?
00:21:28Nothing. It's just, um, nothing.
00:21:34You?
00:21:36I'm fine.
00:21:38Good.
00:21:40Where's Alice?
00:21:42She's visiting her friend.
00:21:45Where's Alice?
00:21:47She's visiting her parents, actually.
00:21:50Oh, that's cool.
00:21:51Yeah, she's been due for a visit.
00:21:53It's been a while for that.
00:21:54So I told her to look out for her and her family.
00:21:56That's good. Sure.
00:21:58Are those contracts?
00:22:01Is Mr. X's stuff in there?
00:22:05Who?
00:22:06Mr. X. The guy who was in Day Before Last. Didn't want to be on camera.
00:22:09Oh, yeah. Yeah, right. He's in here somewhere. Yeah.
00:22:13Can I, um, can I see that?
00:22:16For a second.
00:22:18Let me just see it.
00:22:20Dude, aren't I supposed to head straight to the bank with this?
00:22:23No, you're, just let me see it for a second.
00:22:26I just want to take a look at it. I want to make sure everything's in there.
00:22:28Just let me see.
00:22:30Bobby. Thanks.
00:22:32What? What is this?
00:22:45Basement.
00:22:47I mean, it's not... seems to me...
00:22:49No, I know that's the basement. Okay, but what is this?
00:22:52The basement here stops here. What is this?
00:22:55Could be the crawl space.
00:22:57Exactly.
00:22:58It's no big deal. It's a crawl space. The guy's got a crawl space.
00:23:01Yeah, I I don't know. I mean if this guy has a crawlspace who knows what it's it's just I don't I don't know what to
00:23:08Think okay
00:23:11What is that
00:23:13It's a subject
00:23:15Subject. Yeah, I had a bad experience there. What would you get?
00:23:19It's a BLM T a BLM team. What's on that?
00:23:23bacon lettuce
00:23:24Other meat other me tomato. Well besides bacon. It's an other meat, right? I guess it should be a BLM ot here
00:23:34This guy's freaking me out, I just can't stop thinking about it
00:23:39Jimmy come on. Did you hear about what did you hear what he said about what he has in his basement?
00:23:44Do you remember what he said? He said that the stuff he had wasn't pornography. I don't okay. What does that mean?
00:23:49I don't care man. Yeah, what do you mean? You don't care. We should not be looking at this
00:23:54You should be putting this away locking it away and not look at it
00:23:59sometimes he'll do something that's like
00:24:02Way over my head, you know like deep
00:24:14But there's oh there's always something going on upstairs if you know what I mean
00:24:25What I'm saying is I don't work for for Jimmy Foxx just because you know, he's my aunt Sadie's kid
00:24:33Stay down
00:24:54Do you guys smell that boil cabbage?
00:25:24If you're wondering if I've ever done this before the answer is no
00:25:51I heard a client stole my cell before they're dead
00:26:21Oh
00:26:41This isn't funny
00:26:43This walk
00:26:50Right here, I think this is the crawl space
00:26:55There's something back here Mikey I
00:26:58Can't get back. There's like a lever
00:27:02I'm gonna pull it. You ready? Yeah, pull it. Are you kidding me?
00:27:08We shouldn't be doing this
00:27:10I
00:27:20Think this is the door
00:27:24I'm not opening it. Look at it
00:27:29You fucking open it
00:27:41I
00:27:48Think it's just a little food allergy. I had bad chocolate lunch
00:28:05You see me these things he had in that thing, I know I highly doubt it
00:28:10Whoa, here we go. Happy fun Valley photography
00:28:18You had to let him go
00:28:22You're kidding me
00:28:27Seriously Oh
00:28:34Sweet Jesus, what is it?
00:28:37He was a clown at this child photographer, but they had to let him go why
00:28:43Why you're probably wondering right now
00:28:47We kept catching him in the back room masturbating
00:28:53He was wonderful with the kids and everything always managed to coax a smile out of him
00:28:59Shame we had a shit can the guy
00:29:02But I mean, come on on his coffee breaks
00:29:04He'd go in the back room and choke his chicken in his clown custom
00:29:16I've always been kind of an amateur detective even as a kid. I
00:29:22Don't know if that has to do with being an only child or being an orphan
00:29:27It might have something to do with my dad
00:29:29It might have something to do with my dad
00:29:32The old man was a hard nut to crack
00:29:35My dad they call him the douche King and not just because his personality
00:29:40He worked at a pharmaceutical company invented the first pre-mixed pre-measured
00:29:45Non-allergenic disposable douche wasn't the greatest thing that ever had in my life. I can tell you that they used to call me little douche
00:29:53douche jr.
00:29:55my personal favorite son of a douche
00:29:59Yeah, I guess you could say I was awkward around girls
00:30:03Everything kind of changed one day I discovered my dad's stash
00:30:07He was right there on the top shelf of his closet sandwich between his old New England medical journals and his tax returns. I
00:30:15Can't explain it, but knowing that my dad whacked off the porn it really empowered me
00:30:22You know for the first time in my life I felt
00:30:25Confident around girls. I I felt comfortable in my own skin. I felt like I was in control
00:30:32Because I knew that that release it would always be there waiting for me in my sock drawer under my bed. I
00:30:38Know there's a connection here with all this somewhere somehow
00:30:43But all I know is that I wish Alice were here right now
00:30:55Oh
00:30:56What's going on? Well, what is this film crew sir? It's a crap box. There's no crap. I think they're a documentary
00:31:03What kind of cockamamie stunt is this? There's no no cockamamies at all. There's no birds at all. This is pure
00:31:08I don't care if this is Charles Peralta on the road if these idiots don't get themselves off my property
00:31:15I will avail myself of every legal remedy at my disposal and you young man
00:31:20Will feel the wrath and anger of the Lord
00:31:24Do not want the Lord look mad at me at this time. No, please
00:31:30It's actually a good man, mr. Berk and locker brilliant attorney works at one of the city's top firms
00:31:44Alice
00:31:47Alice
00:31:50Evelyn
00:31:54Hi, how are you?
00:31:56You're looking
00:31:58Wonderful, like always is that um, are those new gloves?
00:32:02Those yeah, those I've never seen you're still gardening or cooking in your gloves
00:32:08That's been I remember back in the day. That was some
00:32:12wonderful memories
00:32:15Hi
00:32:20Mrs. Book and lock when I've given this a lot of thought and after much deliberation and prayer
00:32:25We've decided we'd rather not participate in this project in any way. You're receiving a written notarized statement for your files
00:32:33John handles all of our legal affairs. Don't you honey? I'll also be presiding hopefully over Alice's divorce
00:32:44Exactly what your son-in-law does for a living
00:32:48Well, I thought it had something to do with finance right John I
00:32:53Guess we don't really know exactly
00:32:55Nor do we care do we dear?
00:33:02I'd like to ask you something
00:33:05What is it that he does do? Is it something that's weird that we should know about?
00:33:09I mean, is it really weird? Does it have to do something with?
00:33:14Sex
00:33:17Possibly kinky nothing with animals, please tell me
00:33:23Warm
00:33:24Why'd you get this?
00:33:26Off the side of a milk carton, but look at there's a slight resemblance
00:33:29Slight you're telling me that's not the same kid same kid. Oh, look at them. They are the same kid
00:33:44I
00:33:50I'm sorry, but I can't do that right now, please. I've had it Jimmy. I'm done. I'll change
00:33:56That's very original. No, I'm serious. I'm serious. I'll quit I'll get a real job
00:34:01All right, and then right no, and then you can come home and you can sleep in our bed again and together
00:34:10It's that simple
00:34:12I'll change
00:34:19Yeah, I'm dedicated to this company, yeah, I'm I'm very obsessive
00:34:29But but but at the end of the day she's the most important thing in my life
00:34:34Okay, and if I have to choose between her and this company, I
00:34:39Mean the company's gonna lose every time it's no doubt about it. It's not even a competition
00:34:47And she needs to know that I probably don't do a good job
00:35:08I
00:35:38Guess I'd like to report a child molester. And also I'd like to report kidnapping as well. I
00:35:44Well, I haven't really it's not really witnessing sir. I just I kind of I know something. I just want to drop it off
00:35:50That's what people usually do. I think that's why they call them anonymous tips. Look, there's a guy and he lives at 703
00:35:55Maple, I don't have an answer to that. I just know that there's a man up there
00:35:59He works as a photo clown at this child photographer. He's a missing kid a
00:36:04photo
00:36:06Photo concert photo photo clown photo clown ph o t o clown
00:36:14Right. Yes, they are very fun, sir. He has pictures of missing kids
00:36:19I've seen them on the Internet. So you relax there's a man molesting and murdering. Please do something sweet dreams
00:36:26I
00:36:39Don't know why that is a lot of goofs in this part of town, I guess but we take every single call seriously
00:36:46Hey, no, that's part of the job
00:36:48I mean you call me up and tell me there's a guy in a chicken suit in your backyard with a nuclear device shoved up
00:36:53His ass. I mean I got at least listen
00:36:56Probably take this chicken suit seriously, but other than that
00:37:01swine 256
00:37:05It's gonna be on core TV
00:37:22It's mr. X
00:37:27Oh, yeah, it's kind of dark in there
00:37:35Get in there he's going in
00:37:48Then we just wait
00:37:57I
00:38:07What the hell's going on what the hell is are those cookies and a plate
00:38:15They're definitely date not bars date not bars
00:38:27What are you doing mom, let's go
00:38:30Get up there protecting
00:38:34It's like your biggest motto, that's it. Come on. Let's like your mission statement get up there and start arresting people
00:38:40Just sitting there. What the hell?
00:38:43Come on officer. This is ridiculous. What did you describe versus free riding? What are you doing? What the hell is your problem?
00:38:53You know what, I'm sorry
00:38:56I'm completely sorry. I uh, I didn't mean to rush your car and I was I was out of line and I'm sorry
00:39:02And we should just leave it at that name since they
00:39:05George
00:39:07Laughs me. Um, you know what? I'm on this medication sir for my allergies. You please tell me your last a little crazy
00:39:16Higgins
00:39:18There's two G's
00:39:21Right in this it's an asthma I have
00:39:25Medication allergies, it's uh, it's dual. It's like this new medicine. It's hits from Europe and they don't even have it in the States yet
00:39:32And I'm taking it. It's like it's like drinking coffee all day. And that's feel like that's why I'm on my own
00:39:37All right, do you guys take care? I'm gonna get back to my I'm just cruising down the street. Enjoy those date night bars
00:39:44Okay, and uh, you guys have a great evening
00:39:49How did he know they were dating
00:39:52Shut that fucking thing off
00:39:59Shit you'll edit this out, right?
00:40:07Dude what are you doing? Hey Bobby? Did you forget about the rabbi?
00:40:15What are you talking about we're on the clock we're late
00:40:19The rabbi dude, the funeral started an hour ago
00:40:24He died just like last night
00:40:29The Jews are fast
00:40:43What's wrong Bobby
00:40:46What's wrong Bobby
00:40:50Get it out
00:40:58No, you should go ahead because I can keep go ahead
00:41:08He's just not gonna talk to me the whole ride right silent treatment that's mature
00:41:16Because I know what you're thinking. Okay. Oh Jim. What am I thinking Jimmy? You tell me
00:41:21You're thinking I'm losing it
00:41:24You're putting words in my mind cuz I never said no I'm not you think that I'm
00:41:28Totally screwing everything up now, don't you Jimmy get your mind in the game man, cuz we are late
00:41:33There is no way this family is not gonna arrive any minute now
00:41:37You think my wife and my marriage did I did I mention Alice at all? I never mentioned my wife
00:41:44In the business and all this we are running late and we gotta go and
00:41:49We're fine. Okay. And by the way, I just I just want you to know one thing. Okay
00:41:55You're wrong, where's the bag?
00:41:57It's right here. Did you hear me? I'm wrong. Yeah, you're wrong. I don't care at this point
00:42:02I don't I'm stuck with the bag. You should be stuck with the bag. This is your job. I'm doing your job for you again
00:42:08God my back hurts from hearing you
00:42:11I
00:42:13Just want you to know
00:42:15The fact is I'm as cool as a cat right now. Oh, is that true? Y'all? Yeah, it's very true. I've got it
00:42:21I'm a professional
00:42:24It's funny cuz you don't seem that cool to me anymore I don't seem cool to you anymore now, why is that Bobby?
00:42:31You want to know the truth? What's the truth? You are fucking up. Oh
00:42:36Wow
00:42:38I'm fucking up. You want to know why you're fucking up? Why am I fucking up because you can't let go of this
00:42:44You can't let go of this. Mr. X shit
00:42:49You are fucking fixated on this, mr. X is that right and and it's none of our fucking business
00:42:53It's none of our business. Yes, it is none of our business, man
00:42:57Okay, since when is exploiting and possibly murdering children? All right, this country's natural born resource
00:43:03None of my business. I want you to listen to me. Well, I want you to hear right now
00:43:08Okay
00:43:09The children are our future
00:43:12Okay, we've got to let them lead the way
00:43:14You know show them all the beauty. Okay that we all possess inside
00:43:19they are gonna take us into the future and if you don't get that if
00:43:26We'll be out of your hair in a second, excuse me, please
00:43:29It's
00:43:31I'm sorry for your loss
00:43:37That would not have happened if you had been on time
00:43:46Come on please. I have no idea where you go every day
00:43:51It's like you've traded one edition for the other
00:43:54Listen, I'm sorry. I
00:43:57am sorry, I
00:43:59Miss you so much
00:44:03Lovely sir, like one more second to you. Hey Spielberg
00:44:09Go ah
00:44:10Get that camera off my property. I'll have you in court so fast your ass will spin. I
00:44:19Close my eyes. I sometimes see clowns. I open them. Sometimes the clowns are still there. I
00:44:24I can't sleep
00:44:54I
00:45:24Think it's a no, it's a clown Mikey
00:45:28You're a clown you you're a fucking clown
00:45:46Yeah
00:45:54Wow
00:45:56This place is it's what you would call kind of a historical archive. I guess you'd call it. Yeah, I guess
00:46:03You know
00:46:04Well, I mean somebody has to preserve this stuff. So I sort of took it on myself. Um,
00:46:10All right, Bobby. Listen, um
00:46:12Bobby stop looking at the camera right fine
00:46:17You ready yeah
00:46:19I
00:46:20Still have that scary shit that we recovered last month. Oh the congressman. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I gotta run over here
00:46:33It's still the way we thought I haven't touched it, okay
00:46:40I'm pretty sure the instruction book still in there. Okay
00:46:44Watch out, I'm pretty sure the instruction book still in there. Okay
00:47:04This is a great place you should get a couch or something
00:47:13What
00:47:22Sure time
00:47:43Shit
00:48:13I
00:48:43Don't
00:49:13I
00:49:43I
00:50:13I
00:50:43I
00:51:13I
00:51:28Know CPR. I was an Eagle Scout. Take your shirt off right now
00:51:33You need to make a tourniquet, okay, I'm gonna have to stick my finger in your mouth
00:51:38I need that knife to
00:51:46Hello, uh-huh. Yes the best thing to do. Yeah that address but go to the front door
00:51:53Okay
00:51:54All right. Okay
00:51:56Thanks. Bye
00:51:59They're gonna send an ambulance at five
00:52:08I told you, okay. I'm rolling. Let's keep going
00:52:20Disappointed about what's that?
00:52:23You think I'd hurt a child I
00:52:26I
00:52:28mean, we just
00:52:30I thought clowns and did you ask?
00:52:33Listen
00:52:35No, I didn't ask I love children and I'd never heard of it. So I'm with me feel a lot better
00:52:42It's about safe touch always has same touches. That's the key word. I would think
00:52:50Never been about the kids
00:52:53It's about the clowns always has been yeah, cuz I was a kid
00:52:59Both
00:53:01My parents they were circus people
00:53:05Worked for a big-time circus, huh?
00:53:08Every day was like your birthday
00:53:11Remember one time I won this transistor radio. Oh, I was so proud
00:53:17Took me a couple months, you know to win it game a chance. I
00:53:22Wanted to share the good news with anybody who listened to me. I
00:53:27Went over to a trailer a clowns trailer
00:53:30Stubby, I don't know what his clown name was. It was a short man
00:53:35It called him. Well today they call him little people. He's about four feet
00:53:40He's a comic genius. He was like an uncle to me
00:53:45That's that's sweet
00:53:48Great story I should have knocked I
00:53:54Opened that door
00:53:56My mom stood
00:53:58Completely naked. Oh her breast hanging out. Um with little frightened gay over her nipples. I don't and
00:54:06Stubby you because he was four feet. I don't was standing on a chair. I don't doing or not
00:54:13I
00:54:15Think I heard an ambulance
00:54:16And last but not least if you cannot afford an attorney one will be provided to you with no expense
00:54:21Do you understand these rights? Mr. Yes, sir. I understand. I'm gonna need it for you
00:54:25Detective yes. Yes. What is it now? You gotta just make sure nobody sees this tape. I told you I'll see what I can do
00:54:31And if you touch me one more time
00:54:33I'm gonna arrest your clown costume wear an ass throw you in a slammer right next to this kid
00:54:37Date nut bars or no date nut bars
00:54:39Actually, I'm a harlequin and I thought I told you to turn that piece of shit camera off. Fuck you
00:54:43Oh tough guy get him out of here
00:54:46Figure something out. No, we're not gonna figure something out dude. It's over
00:54:51Okay, and I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to do this film thing shit anymore. I
00:55:00Want my life back I want my life back I miss Alice
00:55:04I must
00:55:09Be normal
00:55:12Be normal
00:55:18That's a turn the cameras off turn the fucking cameras off
00:55:23Get him out of here and a stage. I hope you're getting all this cuz you're fucking get out of here
00:55:28Hey, come on, get him out of here. Bobby. Please. No
00:55:33Go
00:55:34Find a lawyer. I'm not gonna just get out of here. It's over. I turn off the fucking camera, right?
00:55:42You're not gonna turn off the camera
00:55:47Bless it
00:55:49Look at this. Look look at this shit. I mean that he's got he's got mail piled up
00:55:54Who knows where this is from?
00:55:56He's got
00:55:57He hasn't answered bills. What am I supposed to do here? You tell me please?
00:56:03You're the expert you now know everything about
00:56:06this
00:56:11I
00:56:18Could you please turn that off for a second
00:56:41I
00:57:11I
00:57:22Broke some laws and it's for Jimmy. I did this for Jimmy
00:57:27Is there a reason I couldn't be in the van
00:57:29Now for body sculpting, you know pectoral definition. I usually like to work with free weights
00:57:36But you got to combine weights with cardio if you want those really deep cuts
00:57:46What is going on no, no, but first my house now my office no, no, this is
00:57:52Sir, I believe that belongs to use this isn't this is an outrage
00:57:59What the hell's going on anymore where that came right in my backpack here see that
00:58:03What's going on, I'm Bobby kettle camps are a pleasure to meet you
00:58:07If I could just have a second of your time. Do you mind? I crystal would you get me coffee? I appreciate it
00:58:14Explain what's going I work for a company called discreet removals. Yeah, my partner is Jimmy Fox
00:58:26You know, yeah, you're a piece of crap
00:58:28I am I am NOT gonna fall victim to your pernicious blackmail. You want to stand?
00:58:42The way up
00:58:50Yeah, get that out of there
00:58:53Get that out of there
00:58:58How are you, yeah
00:59:01Anyway, yeah, we're gonna just personal effects
00:59:04Working out. No, it's working. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's a lawyer big-time lawyer
00:59:11You know, you're everywhere kind of like dog shit you guys got minor
00:59:16a
00:59:18Gorgeous day, huh? Beautiful sent anybody else have a life. They got to get on with here
00:59:24All right. What do we got? Check this out? This is gold
00:59:32One question are we all on the same page about not mentioning any of this to mrs. Booking lots, sir. I'm a fan
00:59:39Mr. Booking locker you are still a client for us, right?
00:59:43Right. Yeah
00:59:45Don't don't even give that a second. Okay, they're gonna edit it all out. I already talked to Mikey, right?
00:59:50Good good. Oh, yeah
00:59:52Have to tell you this
00:59:54This collection where you've hidden it. It's it's it's brilliant
00:59:59Wait, my hiding place totally brilliant, especially when you you stuff those paperbacks and tape them on the toilet
01:00:04Well, actually that that that took a little thought. Yeah. Yeah. It's like Michael Corleone with a gun
01:00:08I mean, it's we've never seen anything like in your collection overall. I mean
01:00:14We've never run across stuff like this ever we've been doing this for a while you really like it
01:00:18Oh, I'm serious. Oh, I'm totally serious. I mean this this vintage stuff this this foot fetish stuff. It's nothing. Yeah
01:00:26Got a thing for feet, huh? I always have you see the eight millimeter stuff. Oh my god the loops awesome
01:00:33Tell me about it. Yeah, you would not believe the lengths. I had to go to to find a regular eight projector
01:00:39on eBay
01:00:41Payne County flea market. Oh, you're kidding. Yeah
01:00:45Is that where you got this stuff? This is these are a hardcore playing cards. It was neat
01:00:52You can't get him with pubic hair insertion. Well, that's circa World War two. No way
01:00:58That's a museum quality stuff. I wouldn't keep it in this bag. Did you see the celebrity feet? Yes, we did. Yes, we did
01:01:06And we were what is are those really Oprah Winfrey's bare feet my hand to God I have a certificate of authentication here
01:01:13someone those are
01:01:16Look at him, you know whose penis was it
01:01:20If I told you you wouldn't even believe me, oh come on
01:01:35Thank you so much
01:01:37You sure you guys don't want to write your houses? Oh, no, we're good. You know, we got a lot of paperwork to do
01:01:43Thank you so much for everything. Yeah, Jimmy
01:01:47Yes, you know
01:01:49These past few years. Oh, no the way I treated you. Oh, no, you don't say anything sir
01:01:55We just completely fine, but thank you
01:02:02Sir
01:02:03Yeah
01:02:05My hand you got my hand really really good up here. Thank you. You're a good man, too, sir. I'll see you later. Oh
01:02:14God, all right
01:02:19All right, this is weird the fuck you don't we're good sir drive safe
01:02:33I
01:02:43Hi, um
01:02:47Smells like a swamp in here. It's an old family recipe. Oh snake loaf
01:02:56What did you do to my father he's acting like he found Jesus or something you have any idea how much I've missed you
01:03:03Just I just came to get some things
01:03:06Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, can you please just wait a second? Okay, you can stay here. No, I can't
01:03:14No, I guess you can trust me. I can never trust you when you say trust me
01:03:19Look at me. Okay. I have something to tell you
01:03:23What it's over
01:03:25What are you talking about it's over the business I'm out of it it's over. I'm dead serious this time
01:03:32Okay. No, you're not. I'm dead. No, I'm not
01:03:38What are you talking about I'm talking about us I'm talking about our future
01:03:45Together and I can't do it without you
01:03:48There is no future without you
01:03:52Okay
01:03:54Okay, I can't do it anymore and if I have to choose between that and you
01:04:01You it's not even a competition
01:04:05Okay
01:04:07I got a job at Oakton Community College
01:04:11Teaching. Yeah. Oh my god. Mm-hmm
01:04:15You're serious. Yeah, it's not Harvard. I know it's not hard, but it's something
01:04:24You
01:04:46But what about all those people that you still have contracts with the company will still move on okay
01:04:54Who?
01:04:56Who what who's gonna move on with the company?
01:05:00Who do you think?
01:05:05Oh God help us
01:05:08In today's complicated world of marriage, let us be your post-mortem pal
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01:05:20That's the porno pal system
01:05:23Let us be your one-stop shop for an afterlife free of unwanted information
01:05:30Send away now for your free brochure
01:05:34But wait, there's more
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01:05:41fireproof
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01:05:52I
01:06:00Have my own Alice, I want to give you some balls
01:06:04Sweetheart, I love you to death, but if you touch those balls, I swear
01:06:10You feel the power
01:06:12Just don't make don't move them. Like if you're gonna hold them just hold them. Don't move them. That's weird. Okay
01:06:17They're large
01:06:20It's me tickles the cloud. Yeah, do you want to wear this? Only good boys get to wear this
01:06:30There you go, go ahead cry I don't care, you know, we had that interview, okay, and I was oh the documentary
01:06:36Yeah. Yes. She's asking me all kinds of questions about what Jimmy does and you know, honestly dear
01:06:41I mean your father and I thought that
01:06:50He's such a favorite cloud of kids all over the world
01:06:54but anyway, so
01:06:57I'm kind of got the impression. It was a little kinky
01:07:00You can tell me
01:07:02Come on, you're not gonna tell me are you he's a wonderful charming man? I know. Well, I know this and he's adorable. It's very adorable, but
01:07:13John are you okay back there?
01:07:16I'm a movie star. It can someone get me some balloons for these girls, please now
01:07:36Well, um, you know my life yeah
01:07:39Oh
01:07:41What have you done this is Leonardo at the
01:07:45Del Arte clown this clown is
01:07:48A jazz clown and I call this I call this Miles
01:07:53Dale, you know based on Miles Davis the great jazz singer and this is just I
01:08:00Just I love these clowns so much. I mean, but just you know, it's like a mother with a child. I don't have a favorite
01:08:08No
01:08:12Justin I swear I will spank your ass till it bleeds
01:08:20She claims that that I have issues issues
01:08:28Yeah, some issues of penthouse some issues of playboy
01:08:34But you know the old joke about you know
01:08:37The two guys are at the health club and one guy's putting on a girdle and the his friend says well
01:08:41When did when did you start wearing a girdle and the guy said well?
01:08:45Shut the hell up or I'll cut you
01:08:48Like to introduce you to what I call the healing reinforcement vehicle and she has a name
01:08:54Let's everyone give a really warm penis keepers. Welcome to Nicky
01:09:00Hello
01:09:03Whose penis is it you wouldn't believe me if I told you but I'm gonna tell you anyway
01:09:08Should I see a movie called? It's a mad mad mad mad world. It's a guy in a dress in there
01:09:29You
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