Frasier Season 3 by Frasier

Frasier

1 year ago

Frasier Season 3 Episode 20 Police Story

Frasier Season 3

26:44

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Frasier Season 3 Episode 20 Police Story

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Transcript

00:00Faster, Frasier, faster! You can make that flight!

00:06Get us down!

00:08We can't be late for this date!

00:11Right! Take a ride here!

00:13This is ridiculous! First the dry cleaner, then the ATM.

00:17Now you make me cart you off to some restaurant!

00:20I'm sorry, I didn't plan for my car to be in the shop.

00:23I really, really appreciate it, Frasier.

00:26Oh, a basket of fruit would suffice!

00:31I am chanting for my date!

00:34Don't look at me! Turn around! Turn all the way around!

00:37I'm driving!

00:42Hand me my jeans, will ya?

00:47Oh, oh great! This is just what I need!

00:51There's a police car behind us.

00:53Please, don't turn on the red light. Don't turn on the red light.

00:56Don't turn on the red light!

00:58Damn it, Frasier!

01:03Don't worry, Frasier, you're not going to get a ticket.

01:06You're a celebrity. Use the little juice.

01:08Oh, I refuse to do anything of the sort!

01:10Well, enjoy traffic school.

01:18Good evening, officer. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.

01:23If there's a problem, I'm listening.

01:26You're going 62 in a 40-mile zone.

01:31Wow, this is interesting.

01:34Usually both people are in the back seat.

01:37It's not what you think.

01:40We were just coming back from KACL, where I do my radio show.

01:46Uh-huh.

01:49You see, we ran a little late because I was on with a very troubled caller

01:54with a very complex psychological problem on my radio show.

02:02Hey, wait a minute. You're Dr. Frasier Crane.

02:06Drat! My cover is blown.

02:10I love your show. I listen to it all the time.

02:13Oh, well, thank you. Thank you very much. It's always a pleasure.

02:16License and registration, please.

02:20I've been arrested by a fan.

02:27Boss, if you could delay ablutions, I'm in custody here.

02:33Hey, it's your birthday today.

02:37Is this a little celebration?

02:40Oh, no. No, I was taking my producer to meet her date.

02:46Frasier, why didn't you tell me it was your birthday?

02:49I'd have thrown you a birthday party at the station.

02:52Question asked, question answered.

02:56Just going to be dropping Roz off, have a cold plate of deli,

03:02get to bed early.

03:05Almost makes you feel sorry for me, doesn't it?

03:09I spent my last birthday subduing a drunken disorderly at a sleazy bar.

03:15You hate to work on your birthday.

03:17He was my date.

03:20I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to let you off.

03:23Just think of this as a little birthday gift from me.

03:26Thank you.

03:27But slow down.

03:30I'd hate to see you get hurt.

03:34I'm listening.

03:40Haley.

03:44Let's go.

03:45Wow.

03:47I sense a little moment there.

03:50What are you talking about?

03:52Between me and that very attractive officer, it just felt like there was something there.

03:59Yeah, major sparks.

04:01It's the right pedal, the big pedal.

04:03Just a minute, just a minute.

04:05I'm going to see if she's watching me, if she's watching me, if she's interested.

04:09Oh, yes.

04:10Oh, she's turning around. She's looking up.

04:13Move your vehicle.

04:20Oh, yes.

04:23I've cast my spell.

04:30Go ahead, make a wish.

04:32Oh, why bother?

04:34I made the same wish last year, it didn't come true.

04:40Oh.

04:43Come on, son, blow out the candles.

04:54Oh, what a surprise.

04:56Look, they're lighting again.

04:59What sorcerer's magic is this?

05:04You know, Dad, I had a nice little birthday bonus today.

05:08On my way home, I was pulled over for speeding by a very pretty policewoman who let me off.

05:16I got the distinct impression that she found me attractive.

05:19Now, that sort of thing happens, doesn't it?

05:21Oh, sure.

05:22I was always leaning against somebody's window thinking,

05:25that bloody chainsaw in the back seat looks kind of iffy, but she's got a cute smile.

05:32Oh, ha, ha.

05:35I'm telling you, there was something there, though.

05:38Well, of course, the whole conversation's academic.

05:41Don't even know her name.

05:43Suppose I could go down to the police station and try to find out who was on traffic duty.

05:49But, uh, I don't suppose they'd give that sort of information to a civilian.

05:54I'd have to have some conduit into the police department,

05:59an insider who could break that damnable code of silence.

06:06All right, I'll make the damn call.

06:10You, Dad?

06:11Why, I didn't even say anything.

06:16You know, I haven't felt such an instant attraction to a woman in quite some time.

06:22Well, considering the difference in our backgrounds, it's really rather puzzling.

06:26Oh, Pish Tosh.

06:31It's patently obvious what's attracting you.

06:34The gleam of her jackboots.

06:36Her dangling nightstick.

06:39The glint of her handcuffs hanging on her leather belt.

06:44You're off on some lurid little disciplinary fantasy.

06:51Oh, Dr. Crane, shame on you.

06:54You've got icing all up and down your sleeve.

06:57Oh, I am a naughty boy.

07:03Well, certainly a messy one.

07:06But mainly a naughty one.

07:09Hey, Charlie, Marty Crane, how you doing?

07:14Listen, Charlie, I'm trying to track down a woman officer who was on traffic tonight.

07:21Near Blanchard and 4th.

07:24Great, okay, thanks.

07:28Her name's Maureen Cutler, and she usually goes to McGinnis after work.

07:32Charlie said she's probably there now.

07:34Thanks, Dad.

07:36Are you gonna go?

07:39I don't know a police bar. If I go in there alone, I'll stand out like a sore thumb.

07:43All right, I'll go.

07:47Sit down, Niles. I'll go with him.

07:52You know, after all these hoity-toity caviar-sucking egghead types you've been dating,

07:58I think a lady cop would be a nice breath of fresh air.

08:02Oh, all right, I'll go.

08:04Just give me a second.

08:06Let's see what some fresh color stays in it.

08:08Oh, I've got a fabulous brand-new cashmere jacket I've been dying to premiere.

08:16Oh, yeah, this is gonna work.

08:30Have you seen her yet?

08:31I don't know.

08:34What about her?

08:36No, that's not Maureen.

08:38No, I mean, what about her?

08:44Oh, there she is.

08:46Wow, she is a looker.

08:49Come on, let's go say hello.

08:53Oh!

08:55Oh, my God!

08:57Fancy seeing you here.

09:00Hey, Razor Crane.

09:02You remember me.

09:04Come on, 62 in a 40-mile zone with a half-naked girl in your back seat?

09:12Raz, off.

09:15So, uh, this is mine, my father.

09:18How do you do? I'm Maureen Cutler.

09:20Marty Crane, nice to meet you.

09:22Nice to meet you.

09:24Say, uh, Maureen, how about a drink?

09:26Yeah, why not?

09:27Let me get them.

09:28I'm a beer drinker myself. What about you?

09:30That's fine by me.

09:31Beer, huh?

09:33Oh, what the hell, I'll try one.

09:39So, what brings you guys here?

09:41This is mostly a cop hangout.

09:43Well, I used to be on the force.

09:45Really?

09:46Wait a minute.

09:48Marty Crane?

09:50You're Martin Crane.

09:52You're wasting your time in traffic.

09:54You're quite a detective.

09:57No, I mean, I remember you when I was in training.

10:00You gave this great lecture at the academy on how to deal with an armed suspect.

10:04Well, thanks.

10:06How come you left the force?

10:08Well, I, uh, got shot by an armed suspect.

10:15Oh, I'm sorry.

10:16No, it's all right.

10:18So, do you miss it?

10:21Nah, how attached can you get to a hip?

10:27Oh.

10:29Oh, I'm sorry.

10:31I, uh, I have to get over to the hospital.

10:33I told them to beat me if there was any news about my sergeant.

10:36What happened to her?

10:38She's having a baby.

10:40Oh, well.

10:42Well, miss the girl.

10:44I'll tell Frasier you have to run.

10:46Thanks.

10:48Listen, um, I never do this, but...

10:52I would love to have a beer.

10:54I would love to have a beer or go to dinner sometime.

11:00With me?

11:01I don't want to put you on the spot.

11:03If you, uh, if you want to go out, just give me a call.

11:09With me?

11:14You're the only one here.

11:16Here we are.

11:18Three beers.

11:19Good news, there was a fly in one glass, so they're free.

11:23Sorry, I got beeped.

11:25Oh, that's too bad.

11:27Yeah, but it was nice to see you.

11:30Maybe I'll bump into you again here sometime.

11:32Oh, that'd be great.

11:33Okay.

11:34Bye.

11:35Bye.

11:38Well, I think that went very well, don't you?

11:42I'll have a grande half-caff latte with a whisper of cinnamon.

11:46And for my father, plain coffee.

11:51I cannot emphasize the word plain enough.

11:56No foam, no cinnamon, no exotic flavors.

11:59If it is not plain, I take no responsibility for the consequences.

12:04I'll have a grande half-caff latte with a whisper of cinnamon.

12:07And for my father, plain coffee.

12:12How about a biscotti?

12:15All right, but when you bring it, call it a cookie.

12:23Hi, son.

12:24Hello, Dad.

12:26I want to thank you for meeting me like this.

12:28Well, my pleasure.

12:32So, what can I do you for?

12:37Well, I need some advice.

12:42Advice?

12:44That's why you asked me here?

12:46Yeah.

12:47You've never done this before.

12:50Yeah, well, I'm sorry, but anyway, do you remember the...

12:52I want you to know I'm not only deeply touched,

12:55but I consider this a watershed moment in our relationship.

12:58Great.

12:59All my life, it seems like you've always turned to Frazier.

13:02Frazier, Frazier, Frazier.

13:03Miles, can I talk?

13:06I'm listening.

13:10Here we are.

13:11One latte, one coffee, and one cookie.

13:20I think they call this thing a biscotti.

13:26No need to talk down to the man.

13:27Off you go.

13:28Thank you.

13:35Well, anyway, remember the other night, Frazier's policewoman?

13:40Mm-hmm.

13:41Well, we found her at the bar, and, well, she came on to me.

13:50No.

13:51Yeah.

13:52You?

13:53Yeah.

13:55Was she drunk?

13:58I'm sorry.

13:59Of course, Dad, I'm sorry.

14:03What was Frazier's reaction?

14:06I haven't told him yet.

14:08Why not?

14:09I just can't.

14:10Can I?

14:15I know he's going to feel lousy.

14:17He finally meets a girl he likes, and she's attracted to his old man.

14:23That is quite a conundrum.

14:26I wonder if that's what's really bothering you.

14:29What do you mean?

14:32Maybe underneath it all, you're attracted to this woman, and you want to go out with her.

14:36Oh, are you nuts?

14:37That's sick!

14:38That's disgusting!

14:42But for the sake of argument, let's say you're right.

14:48Dad, you're allowed to be attracted to a woman.

14:51What kind of a father does a thing like that?

14:54Did you encourage her in any way?

14:58Well, I guess I was kind of charming.

15:00I mean, I didn't mean to be.

15:02It just sometimes leaks out.

15:06Well, what do you want to do?

15:10Well, most important, I don't want to hurt Frazier.

15:13Secondly, I want to go out with Maureen.

15:18The order of that changes depending on the time of day.

15:24One possibility is go on a date with her.

15:28If you feel there are sparks between you and this woman, then tell Frazier.

15:33I don't want to lie to my son.

15:35You're not lying to him.

15:36You're delaying the truth to spare his feelings.

15:38If nothing happens, he need never know.

15:42Well, I guess it's worth a try.

15:45If Maureen and I hit it off, then I'll tell him immediately.

15:50Or I can. Really, I don't mind.

15:55I don't mind.

16:09Hi, Dad.

16:11Oh, Frazier, you're still home.

16:14Yeah.

16:15Where are you going?

16:17Just out.

16:22What are you going to do?

16:24Nothing.

16:27When are you going to be home?

16:31Later.

16:34Well, you put a dent in the car, young man. It's coming out of your allowance.

16:39Ah!

16:52Anyway, I've got my prize, you know, so I said to her, I said,

16:55Mrs. Grayson, I'll do the cooking, I'll do the cleaning,

16:58but I draw the line at creaming your feet.

17:03Hurry up! The Mambo Kings is about to start.

17:06Oh, I wouldn't mind Mamboing with Antonio Banderas.

17:11All right, set out the goodies and I'll go get the wine.

17:15Oh, and this time, Charlotte, be careful with that chocolate.

17:18I had a hell of a time hiding the stain from his nips.

17:24Hello, Dr. Crane.

17:26Daphne, Charlotte, Maggie.

17:28Dr. Crane.

17:29Please sit down.

17:30I thought you were filling in at the station tonight.

17:33Oh, I am, but not for a couple of hours yet.

17:44Oh, I seem to shame to hang around here.

17:48I mean, I would have thought you'd have taken an opportunity like this to,

17:53oh, I don't know, go down to McGuinty's, for example.

17:58Oh, to see his new lady friend, you mean.

18:02Ah, I see I've been quite the hot topic over the teapot.

18:08You know, I may have said a thing or two in passing, but I'd go for it, Dr. Crane.

18:14Yes, well, if you must know, I was planning to go down there, but not for a couple of days yet.

18:20Oh, I wouldn't wait too long. I mean, strike while the iron's hot, that's what I always say.

18:25Oh, she's right.

18:27Well, women don't really like men that are too over-eager.

18:30Oh, nonsense. I mean, you know, it's one thing if the man's some barmaid git from the docks,

18:36but it's different if the man's like you.

18:40Someone who's charming.

18:42And handsome.

18:43And knows lots and lots of words.

18:49She could be down there right now, nursing a gin and tonic,

18:53casting hopeful glances towards the door.

18:57Ah.

19:03Well, McGinty's is on my way to the station.

19:08Suppose I could just plop my head in.

19:12Thank you, ladies, for your support, even if it was nakedly self-serving and insincere.

19:20So, they finally put my transfer through, and I'm moving out of traffic and into narcotics.

19:26Yeah, I'm going to be working with Bill Henderson at the 31st.

19:30Good for you.

19:32I'm excited, although I hear he can be pretty tough.

19:36I don't know. I mean, he might seem a little stiff with straight legs,

19:40but once you get to know him, he's the greatest guy in the world.

19:43Yeah, he's pretty impressive.

19:46Oh, yeah, smart, great sense of humor.

19:49No, you're going to have a great time with him.

19:52Dad, I can't believe you're doing this.

19:55Fraser.

19:56Look, I was going to tell you.

19:59Believe me, I did not put him up to this.

20:02Although I think he's overselling me a little.

20:05Not the greatest guy in the world.

20:08Seattle, maybe.

20:10Am I missing something?

20:12Oh, I'm just joking.

20:14Okay, Dad, thanks for warming her up for me.

20:16I can take over here.

20:18Martin.

20:19Come on, Martin, you heard her.

20:22What does she have to do?

20:24Send up smoke signals?

20:27Fraser, Maureen and I are here on a date.

20:34Maureen and I are here on a date.

20:57You know, you might think this is one of those wildly embarrassing moments

21:01where I'm standing here with egg on my face.

21:05I assure you, I'm not as embarrassed as you might assume that I would be embarrassed.

21:12I'm not uncomfortable, so please, don't you be uncomfortable either.

21:21Why don't I give you two a moment?

21:23Whatever.

21:28You asked her out?

21:29No.

21:30That's not the way it happened.

21:32There's no use lying to me.

21:33I'm at the lowest point I could possibly be at, so please just tell me the truth.

21:38Maureen asked me out.

21:40Going down?

21:47It happened the other night when you went to the bar to get drinks.

21:50You know, it just caught me off guard.

21:53I didn't know how to handle it, so Niles told me that I should...

21:57Niles? Niles, no!

21:59I'm sorry.

22:01It's supposed to be a one-time thing just to see if there was something there,

22:05and if there wasn't, then you didn't even need to know about it.

22:10Well, is there something there?

22:13Oh, yeah.

22:17Well, not as if we were standing side by side when she chose you.

22:22I was at the bar.

22:24If you'd gone to get the drinks, things would have been different.

22:28I don't think so.

22:30Dad, I'm drowning here. Please, throw me a line.

22:34Look, I'm gonna go tell her this whole thing is a mistake.

22:37No, no, no, no, no, Dad. No, no.

22:41I'll be all right. Really.

22:46So...

22:49Old dog's still got it in him, huh?

22:51Yeah.

22:53Well, how long can it last?

22:55Last? I mean, she's gotta come to her senses eventually.

22:59Oh, no, Dad, Dad. Don't sell yourself short.

23:02You've got a lot to offer.

23:06Well, I'm gonna...

23:08gonna head off to work.

23:11Good night, Dad.

23:13Good night. Thanks.

23:19Damn!

23:26Uh-huh. Okay, thanks.

23:29Frasier just came in the building, so everybody hide and be quiet.

23:33Do you think he'd be surprised?

23:35Considering his birthday was yesterday, yeah, I do, Elizabeth.

23:40Should we yell, surprise or happy birthday?

23:44We've done this, like, 500 times.

23:47And every time it's pretty much the same.

23:49We yell, the person pretends to be surprised, and we stuff ourselves with cake.

23:53I just wanted it to be perfect.

23:56And that is what makes you so special to us.

24:02Now get under the console.

24:11Hi, Frasier. How you doing?

24:14Just wonderful.

24:1643 is off to a rousing start.

24:20Remember that policewoman I was interested in?

24:22Yeah.

24:23Well, she's dating my father.

24:28Your father?

24:30Well, never mind that. I know just what will take your mind off of it.

24:34I've got something really funny in my boot.

24:36Spent the last hour wandering the streets trying to take assessment of my life.

24:41Do you know how long it's been since I've slept with a woman?

24:43Seven months.

24:44Frasier?

24:45All right, nine months.

24:47I really don't think we should talk about that right now.

24:50Oh, sure, fine.

24:52You can't spare me five minutes to talk about my problems

24:55when every day I drop what I'm doing to be your personal wailing wall.

24:59Frasier, he's stopped calling me.

25:01Frasier, he wants his key back.

25:03Frasier, his girlfriend is having me followed.

25:09I'm sorry.

25:12I'm sorry.

25:17So, nine months, huh?

25:20Nine long, long months.

25:25You know who that woman was?

25:27Who?

25:28Edna from accounting.

25:29No.

25:31The next day she dumped me.

25:34I tell you what, I was starting to feel nostalgic for that summer in my twenties when I was impotent.

25:42The only comfort I have now is knowing that my humiliation can't possibly get any worse.

25:47Surprise!

25:58Hi, Edna.

26:01Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling.

26:04Tossed salads and scrambled eggs.

26:08Oh, my.

26:10And maybe I seem a bit confused.

26:13Well, maybe.

26:15But I got you pegged.

26:17Ha, ha, ha, ha.

26:20But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.

26:26But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.

26:33They're calling again.

26:36Good night, everybody.

Frasier Season 3 Episode 20 Police Story

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Frasier Season 3

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