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Lazarus and Dingwall is a British sitcom starring Stephen Frost and Mark Dingwall as two inept detectives in a pastiche of police dramas. The programme ran for six episodes on BBC Two from 1 February 1 to 8 March 1991.

Steve Lazarus and Mark Dingwall are a somewhat unconventional duo in the more than slightly unconventional sector of Really Serious Crimes. Their chief is both eccentric and incompetent, and everyone else is equally oddball, from desk worker and the object of Dingwall's affections, Beverly Armitage, to the plainclothes duo. However, despite their somewhat unique approach, what the department seems to come up trumps more often than not.
Transcript
00:15ORIEL JUNGLE
00:58ORIEL JUNGLE
01:01ORIEL JUNGLE
01:02You didn't say Simon Says.
01:03What?
01:04Simon Says.
01:06You've got to say Simon Says.
01:07I thought you were a professional.
01:10Simon Says.
01:12Put the case on the ground.
01:18Now open it and throw a bag over.
01:20You didn't say Simon Says.
01:21Simon Says.
01:22Throw a bag over.
01:24Yeah, it didn't hurt, did it?
01:26ORIEL JUNGLE
01:36ORIEL JUNGLE
01:48ORIEL JUNGLE
01:56Wild rice.
02:03Okay, Steve, get them!
02:05Hold it.
02:07No, you hold it.
02:12Do the ball.
02:19I've got a Smith & Wesson 38 special with magnum load, firing six hollow point rounds, effective up to 40
02:24yards.
02:24What have you got?
02:25Mini May, belt fed, fully automatic machine gun, firing nine hundred rounds a minute, up to 600 yards.
02:32And it makes a lot of noise.
02:36Fair enough you win this round.
02:38But I think it's only fair to warn you, I am brilliant at Cluedo.
02:49You know, Mr. Druggy, the scream that a burning man gives out is similar to a peacock.
02:56I think you'll find it's a bar now.
02:58To your bar!
03:09Sorry I'm late, it's just, uh, I'll tell you later.
03:13Drop the gun or he gets it.
03:14Simon says.
03:15Too late for that now.
03:26We're here again.
03:35Audio Jungle.

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