00:07Halloween night sure can be fun, but here's what most grown-ups simply refuse to tell you.
00:13Halloween night can also be dangerous. No, I'm not talking about ghosts, mummies, or coojos.
00:19I'm talking about even greater dangers. Hey, up here! Please try not to recoil in horror or throw
00:26up at the sight of me. My name's Pumpums, the Halloween pumpkin. That's right, I'm a talking pumpkin.
00:33But most people think of me as an ungodly abomination, violating numerous laws of nature.
00:39You can spit on me or roll me into a disused storm drain if it'll help you tolerate my presence,
00:45but I've got some important tips to help keep you safe this Halloween. Let's peer through this window
00:51and see what's going on in this family's private home. It's a little something I like to call
00:56sneak peeking, but the court calls it a parole violation. Here, these folks are about to carve
01:02a Halloween pumpkin. First, they lay out newspapers to help protect the counter. After all, it's nearly
01:08seven o'clock and the hamsters will be arriving soon. You must take great care when carving a pumpkin.
01:14Select your tools carefully. This man has selected three knives of various sizes. One large knife for
01:21carving the pumpkin and two smaller knives for keeping those hamsters in line. The two spoons are
01:27also for throwing at the hamsters. You may be tempted to create a jack-o'-lantern with the sultry
01:32bedroom eyes and pouty, kissable lips of a young Veronica Lake, but it's best to keep the design
01:38simple. She'll never love you back anyway. Cutting into a pumpkin can be dangerous, so it's best to
01:44have a grown-up help you with this part. If you can't find a grown-up, you can usually find
01:50old tainty Joe
01:51sleeping in the salad bar of the condemned sizzler. For a mug full of rubbing alcohol, he'll cut into
01:56anything you want. Once the pumpkin top is removed, it's time to dig in. Remember, you don't have to
02:03eat the pumpkin's entrails. You get to eat the pumpkin's entrails. Uh-oh, looks like someone's got a case of
02:10pumpkin hands and zucchini feet. This slippery mess can make carving a pumpkin dangerous and bludgeoning
02:18hamster is nearly impossible. Always make sure to keep your hands nice and clean for safety.
02:23As for me, I don't have any hands, but I do have three unique sets of fully functional reproductive
02:29organs. And remember, to reduce the pumpkin's overall screaming duration, always carve his mouth
02:36last. You may also need to toss him into a gym bag and place him into a closet until he
02:41simmers down a bit.
02:49Please join the for sitting.
02:50Oh now bye-bye!
02:56Bye-bye!
03:10Judicial
