- 14 hours ago
Remember the excitement of getting a new Star Trek toy, only to be met with sheer disappointment? We're counting down 10 toys that boldly went where no good merchandise had gone before. Get ready for a hilarious and nostalgic look at some of the worst collectibles in the final frontier.
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00:00If there's one thing we love here at Trek Culture, it's balance.
00:03Be that balance of terror or balance of love and despair, I guess.
00:07Uh, we recently put out an article and a video on 10 Star Trek toys that we loved.
00:14And you know what? There's so many of them.
00:16I love Star Trek. I mean, you know me. You know me. I'm the collector, dude.
00:21That sounds so much cooler in my head.
00:24Anyway, as all things are, we must find balance.
00:27And therefore, I am Sean Ferrick for Trek Culture.
00:31And here are 10 Star Trek toys that sucked.
00:35Number 10, Spock's helmet.
00:37All right, now, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:40Before you throw that Molotov cocktail, I'm saying this one with love, okay?
00:46So this is on our Star Trek toys that we love list as well.
00:51Because it's so dumb that it's fun.
00:56I will not rest until I get my hands on one of these.
01:00That, I can tell you right now.
01:01And it's a matter of time until one of them falls into mine or Ellie's hands.
01:05Having said that, I mean, it is a bit naff, isn't it?
01:09The main reason it turns up here as well is because, imagine, right, it's Christmas morning.
01:13A kid bounds down the stairs and sees a box wrapped up underneath the tree.
01:20They tear over.
01:21They rip off the wrapping paper and they see something with Star Trek emblazoned on the side of it.
01:26They can't wait.
01:28Then the quick and painful truth sets in.
01:31They got the Spock helmet.
01:32They're gonna have to wear it all day.
01:33They're gonna have to wear it at Christmas dinner because that's the rule.
01:35Any clothing or jewellery related item gets worn at Christmas.
01:39No one knows what to say.
01:40Granny's looking at the plate.
01:41Grandad's standing, looking at the window with his arms crossed behind his back, wondering where it all went wrong.
01:46The helmet may be a beloved item now, folks.
01:49But at what cost?
01:50At what cost?
01:52But at least Billups is happy.
01:54Number nine.
01:55Star Trek movie viewer.
01:57Before we really sink our teeth into this, there is positives on this one.
02:02First of all, though small, it did offer the first look at the Star Trek Gold Key comic.
02:09So, points for that.
02:10The idea is quite cool.
02:12It was released with two film strips available with the initial kit.
02:15And this was while Star Trek was on the air.
02:18So that's cool too.
02:20Now, that said, there are a few issues.
02:21For example, the packaging advertises that you'll be able to watch Star Trek clips.
02:25Which actually wasn't true at all.
02:27Now, you might put a big, well, technically, on this one.
02:33Because it did include Star Trek comic clips.
02:37But nothing from the actual show.
02:39Secondly, while two strips were included with the viewer,
02:43the purchaser then had to send off and pay for more to be sent back to them.
02:49So this was an early Star Trek subscription service.
02:51Third, the way the design works and the way you had to feed the film strips in
02:56is that they'd only really become visible after the third or fourth cell.
02:59So you'd have to wind it several times back and forth
03:02just to be able to read the bloody thing.
03:04Overall, this toy wasn't dreadful by any means.
03:08Nor was it particularly good.
03:09It sort of sits in that middle, meh, level.
03:13Somewhere between the binoculars and the metal detector.
03:16Number eight.
03:16Star Trek Climb Action Traction Mighty Mike Astro Train Gift Set.
03:21Here's the thing.
03:22The idea of a Star Trek train and railway set, I'm on board with.
03:26Think of it as a way to combine hobbies, in a way not unlike the metal detector.
03:30But also, this was a tangible toy to play with.
03:34Now, it might not have been the Enterprise, but it was something.
03:37You know, at least...
03:38No.
03:40No, I'm sorry.
03:41This is pants.
03:42It wasn't, like, offensively pants.
03:44Far from it.
03:45But it was pants.
03:46Because what was this?
03:48Bar, you know, just someone got a train and slapped a Star Trek logo on it.
03:53I mean, I'm not...
03:54I'm not gonna lie.
03:55It doesn't even particularly look like a train.
03:58It was one of those things that was trying to capture fans from all walks.
04:01Satisfying none.
04:02Confusing many.
04:03Now, it was clearly aimed at younger people to play with because it was pretty sturdy.
04:11But then why bother slapping Star Trek on it?
04:14You know, if it was being aimed at toddlers, they probably weren't sitting there watching episodes like The City on
04:20the Edge of Forever.
04:21However, the answer to these questions is lost in the eddies of temporal winds.
04:26For all we really know, this is the Star Trek train set that, if somebody were looking for a Star
04:31Trek train, this might scare them away from railways altogether.
04:36Well, I mean, it's not such a bad idea, really, to stop playing around railways, is it?
04:39Number 7.
04:40Star Trek Tracer Gun.
04:42In 1966, Grand Toys came along with what is one of the earliest recorded tie-in pieces of merchandise with
04:49the franchise.
04:50Now, as this is so early in the history of merchandise for Star Trek, it's easy to give this one
04:55a bit of a pass.
04:56Think about it.
04:57Kids had something they could play with, and it had the Star Trek logo on it.
05:00Happy days.
05:02Then, you've got the dawning realisation of what it is they're playing with.
05:05It was a gun.
05:06Now, no, no, not a phaser.
05:10It was a gun.
05:11See, it's not even one of the cool water pistols that would come along later on.
05:16This was a gun that fired out penny-sized discs that were ready to lodge up the left nostril of
05:21the nearest unsuspecting toddler.
05:23Now, Star Trek did feature guns from time to time.
05:26Episodes like Tomorrow is Yesterday and A Piece of the Action did see guns.
05:30But you will note that neither of those episodes depicted kids shooting each other with coins.
05:36In a time where the audience didn't really have many toys with Star Trek on the logo to play with,
05:41you can imagine lots of people running out to collect these things.
05:45You can also imagine the glee of the doctors as they started to reap in the financial rewards of the
05:51inevitable trip to the A&E wards afterwards.
05:54Number 6, Star Trek Metal Detection Probe.
05:59The genesis of this toy takes a little bit of mental gymnastics to understand.
06:05In 1841, the instrument that would become known as the Metal Detector was invented by Professor Heinrich Wilhelm Dove.
06:15It effectively worked by giving the professor a shock when a piece of metal was placed into a chamber connected
06:22to one of the detector's coils.
06:24The absolute perfect Christmas gift ever!
06:28Alright, hardly.
06:29Yet, over the century and a half since then, metal detection has become a legitimate hobby for quite a lot
06:36of people.
06:37It's also been refined to such an art that several states in America have in fact banned the use of
06:45metal detectors.
06:46So, slapping a Star Trek logo on one of these seems like a strange merchandising decision.
06:54There's nothing particularly Star Trek about this bar the logo.
06:58Now, if it did help inspire, you know, Geordi's visor down the line, then maybe we'll give it props for
07:04that.
07:04But, frankly, that's a reach.
07:07Having said that, there's surely an image of someone somewhere using this metal detector wearing Spock's helmet.
07:13And that's a cosplay idea.
07:16Number 5, Star Trek Binoculars.
07:19Now, to be clear here, I have nothing against Star Trek-labeled tools, okay?
07:24It actually might be a little bit cooler, even, sitting in the workshop, you know, with the Star Trek label
07:30all over everything.
07:31The way you can, you know, combining hobbies.
07:33That, totally on board with.
07:34In this case, it's not the fact that there was Star Trek logos placed on binoculars, that's the issue.
07:41It's the fact that it was the cheapest, most rubbish-looking little plastic things you could ever imagine.
07:49Think of Star Trek V, The Final Frontier.
07:52However, that showed us some pretty cool, futuristic-looking binoculars.
07:56They wouldn't have been out of place in your average Star Wars movie, either.
07:59So, the idea of tie-in binoculars is actually something that's quite exciting.
08:04The main issue with these ones is that they look like they'll break the second you take them out of
08:08the packet.
08:09Or possibly while they're still in the packet.
08:12Or possibly while they're still on the shelf.
08:14But, I mean, hey, they're the same colour as the Enterprise, so we'll give them points for that.
08:18Number 4. Burger King Star Trek Admiral's Hover Bike.
08:23While Star Trek 2009 might get a mixed reputation from various sections of Trekkies, some love it, some hate it.
08:31I think everyone can agree on the same thing.
08:34That the Admiral's Hover Bike is easily the coolest part of the film.
08:40But, what's that?
08:41You don't remember it?
08:43Yeah, neither do we.
08:45Now, there is, of course, the police bike that follows a young James Tiberius Kirk.
08:49As he's stealing his uncle's car and drives it off a cliff, but then he jumps out of the car
08:53because...
08:55Reasons.
08:56And this policeman pulls up beside Kirk.
08:59And that hover bike looks similar to what Burger King were offering.
09:04So, okay, let's give them that.
09:05If one is a hover bike enthusiast, then maybe I'm wrong.
09:09Maybe this is the best toy that was ever created to tie in with Star Trek and would send flocks
09:15of enthusiasts running to Burger King to make sure that they picked up this toy.
09:20Stranger things have actually happened.
09:23For myself, I can just say this.
09:26I was going to eat at home that day.
09:28Number three.
09:30Star Trek Flashlight Ray Gun.
09:32Credit where credit is due, this ray gun actually was the exact same colour scheme of the original Enterprise.
09:40And, my friends, that is where the tie-in to Star Trek ends.
09:45Let's break this one down.
09:47This is another case of slapping the Star Trek logo on something to get higher toy sales.
09:51But, you know, if we believe Lily Sloan, her first ray gun was shown in 2063.
09:58But, if the packaging of this is to be believed, kids have been firing ray guns with Star Trek on
10:03them since 1968.
10:05It may be a bit cynical to hoist this property's name onto this toy.
10:10But, I mean, the marketing gods have sometimes proven that just adding a name is enough to boost sales.
10:17Did it work?
10:19Well, had you ever heard of it before?
10:22I hadn't.
10:23Maybe this is a case where the marketing gods were slightly less divine and more running out of ideas having
10:30their third Chinese takeaway of the night and going,
10:32Oh, just stick it on a ray gun.
10:34Number two.
10:35Star Trek Astro Helmet.
10:37Audience members of a certain age will surely remember the Gerry Anderson marionette special series, Stingray.
10:44Much like Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlet, this show, made with puppets, showed a series of heroes piloting their submarine into
10:52the watery depths to fight baddies who clearly took Piscene inspiration.
10:56Now, these baddies were quite an unnerving image and they were a little scary for kids at the time.
11:01If you caught yourself wondering, uh-huh, and what does this have to do with Star Trek?
11:06Then, my friend, what a very good question that is.
11:10This is a fish head that someone has slapped a Star Trek logo on.
11:15It, you know, if they'd even done in partnership with Stingray, there's nothing about this design that suggests it's space
11:24-worthy by any account.
11:26I mean, frankly, the design doesn't even look seaworthy either, so, really, land?
11:31Maybe it's for the landing party.
11:33Now, this is a far more egregious example than Spock's helmet.
11:38The style, the suave, the pizzazz of Spock's helmet is entirely missing here.
11:43What you have is a terrifying and nascent reminder that from the oceans, humanity evolved,
11:50and, if we are to believe threshold, it is to the oceans we shall return, probably by wearing these helmets.
11:58Number one, the Starship is Landing.
12:02Though there are several runners for the worst piece of tie-in merchandising, you know, there's lots of examples,
12:07for me, it's the 2022 campaign The Starship is Landing that cinches it here.
12:13Now, maybe including it on a list of toys that sucked is a bit of a stretch, but it just
12:19beggars the question.
12:20Who came up with this?
12:22Who approved it?
12:23Who sent it off to marketing?
12:24The outcry was swift.
12:26And, quite frankly, there was a lot of irate fans out there wondering,
12:31did yous not hire someone who'd watched Star Trek before you came up with this, no?
12:35Well, clearly, this has nothing to do with the franchise, and so, this feels like a very cynical piece of
12:43marketing.
12:43Now, the reason we're singling this out as our number one is that, with that knowledge,
12:48it's quite a surprise that it is still very much available for purchase over on the official website.
12:56And you heard me correctly.
12:58Official website.
13:00This isn't a piece of tie-in merchandise with the Star Trek logo slapped on.
13:05This was done by the rights owners.
13:08But, don't take my word for it.
13:10If this is your favourite thing ever, go and pick up a Starship is Landing hoodie.
13:14Because you never know, it could end up being the Spock's helmet of the 2050s.
13:19Thank you so much, everyone, for watching along with this list, and I hope you enjoyed it.
13:23And, if you need it, pick me up at a cheer me up.
13:25Go check out the Toys We Loved list as well.
13:28I have been Sean Ferrick for Trek Culture.
13:30You can catch me at Sean Ferrick on the various socials.
13:32Don't forget to follow Trek Culture as well on the various socials.
13:35Just type in Trek Culture.
13:35We will turn up.
13:37You look after yourself until I'm talking to you again.
13:39You are awesome.
13:39You are wonderful.
13:40Make sure that you live long and prosper.
13:42You deserve only the best.
13:45So, treat yourself that way.
13:47Thanks very much, folks.
13:48Thanks.