00:02My name's Tim. Is this the private tutor?
00:06It is. Yes, I know. Is it Tim? Sorry.
00:08Yeah.
00:08Thank you for calling us, Tim. How did you find out about us?
00:11On the internet.
00:12Oh, amazing. Well, I'm very excited that you want to be part of this.
00:17Can you put your mum on the phone?
00:19Mum! Mum!
00:21She's shouted as she's on the toilet.
00:24Oh, well, don't worry about it.
00:25What we'll do, if I can get you to call me back when she's finished, is that okay?
00:30My mum takes hours on the toilet.
00:33Oh, does she?
00:34She had a curry last night.
00:36Oh, God!
00:37Yeah.
00:38Well, do you know what, Tim? Thank you so much for contacting us.
00:42Are you the teacher?
00:45I do teach. I do help the children, but I've got another job as well where I help the parents.
00:50Right, because I need your help.
00:52I've been in school and I'm not doing very well.
00:54Because I keep messing about with my mate Ben from year three.
00:58My mum's gone mad at me.
01:00I want to make the decision who comes and teaches me colouring in.
01:05Okay.
01:06What age group do you teach?
01:08How old are you, Tim?
01:09I'm three, nearly six.
01:11I'm very advanced, my mum says.
01:15Well, you would be perfect for the centre.
01:17What I'm going to do, Tim, you ring me back when your mum's finished on the toilet.
01:21She can come pick me, all right?
01:23I just want some help, like counting on that.
01:26So, you were ready.
01:27Okay, get yourself on some BBC by the side and practice on there.
01:30I can do maths.
01:32Do you want me to do it now?
01:33Yeah.
01:33Two plus two is four.
01:35Minus one, that's three quick maths.
01:38Right, okay, I'm going.
01:39All right, I love you.
01:40Bye.
01:41Love you.
01:42She don't love me.
01:44I'm Charlotte speaking.
01:45Hi, are you the private teacher?
01:47Yes, I am.
01:48Who is speaking?
01:49My name's Tim.
01:50Need someone to teach me maths in English.
01:53Oh, unfortunately, I only teach French.
01:55Oui.
01:56Really?
01:56I speak French.
01:58Go on then.
01:59Je m'appelle Tim.
02:00Bravo, Tim.
02:02Qu'en a vous-même.
02:03What?
02:03Qu'en a vous-même, Tim.
02:04Probably.
02:05Qu'en a vous-même.
02:07Um...
02:07You mean, how old are you?
02:09Three, nearly six.
02:15I'm not saying that.
02:17You're swearing.
02:17You want me to say trois?
02:21I'm not allowed to say that.
02:23No, Mum, I'm not calling at you.
02:26Do you only teach French then?
02:29I do, yeah, I only teach French.
02:30Merci beaucoup.
02:32De rien.
02:33Pour moi, confortable.
02:35Merci beaucoup.
02:37What, sorry?
02:38I don't know, I made it up.
02:41Do you eat frog flags?
02:43Sometimes, but only when they're dead.
02:45Do you eat snails?
02:47Yeah, no.
02:48I've got loads in me back garden if you want some.
02:50You've got a bit of garlic, maybe I'll try then.
02:52I've got loads of garlic.
02:54Is that what I can smell on your breast?
02:55You can't smell anything on the phone, stupid.
02:59Why do you need help with your maths and your English?
03:01Have you not been working hard enough?
03:02No, not been going to school.
03:04Because my mum won't tame me, the fat pig.
03:06Maybe that's why she won't take you if you're following us like that.
03:09Well, she is.
03:10If she took me, then she wouldn't be fat.
03:14That is a really good point.
03:15I know I'm dead clever.
03:17What are you doing today?
03:18Are you working dead hard?
03:20I am.
03:20Well, kind of.
03:21I'm in the dental surgery, so I work as a dental therapist.
03:24Well, I'm waiting for my next patient.
03:25You might be able to help my Uncle Barry.
03:28When he smiles, he looks like a piano.
03:32I think you need to send him to us, then.
03:34I might have to.
03:35All right, then, Tim.
03:36Thanks for coughing.
03:37I'll speak to you soon.
03:39Love you.
03:39Love you.
03:40Bye.
03:40Love you.
03:41Bye.
03:42Bye.
03:43Bye.
03:43Bye.
03:46Bye.
03:46Bye.
03:47Bye.
03:50Bye.
03:50Bye.
03:50You