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They thought she would always be there sitting on the couch, accepting the crumbs of their attention. But after ignoring her eighteenth birthday and coming home without even a slice of cake, they crossed the point of no return. Once she walks out that door and erases her name from the family, no amount of late regret will ever bring her back.
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🍁Notice: All videos by ReelShort Love Shorts are officially authorized.
They thought she would always be there sitting on the couch, accepting the crumbs of their attention. But after ignoring her eighteenth birthday and coming home without even a slice of cake, they crossed the point of no return. Once she walks out that door and erases her name from the family, no amount of late regret will ever bring her back.
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00:00:04on my birthday this house always treats it like any other day I thought turning 18 would be
00:00:10different that morning I got up early on purpose put on light makeup and sat on the living room
00:00:16couch to wait mom walked past me on her way out carrying Chloe's dance bag heat up your
00:00:23own lunch I'm taking Chloe to her intensive class dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard
00:00:30Ethan called him to go play basketball at the park and the two of them left soon after at noon
00:00:36I was
00:00:36the only one left in the house I sent a message in the family group chat I'm 18 today no
00:00:43one replied
00:00:44this family celebrates everyone's birthday everyone's but mine because my parents only
00:00:50love my twin siblings Ethan and Chloe they don't love me when Ethan wants a birthday party my parents
00:00:57book a private room at his favorite steakhouse a month in advance when it's Chloe's turn and she
00:01:03wants to go to Six Flags the whole family goes mom even posts nine photos on Instagram but on my
00:01:08birthday this house always treats it like any other day I thought turning 18 would be different that
00:01:15morning I got up early on purpose put on light makeup and sat on the living room couch to wait
00:01:21mom walked past me on her way out carrying Chloe's dance bag heat up your own lunch I'm taking Chloe
00:01:28to
00:01:28her intensive class dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard Ethan called him to go play basketball
00:01:35at the park and the two of them left soon after at noon I was the only one left in
00:01:41the house I sent a
00:01:43message in the family group chat I'm 18 today no one replied at 7 that night everybody came home no
00:01:51one
00:01:51sang no one felt like anything was missing I was 18 now at last I could decide for myself where
00:01:58I wanted
00:01:58to go Mallory delete that message from the group chat I almost missed grandpa's voice message Ethan didn't even
00:02:07look up he tapped the edge of his plate lightly with his dinner knife signaling mom to give him more
00:02:14ribs
00:02:16I looked down at my phone the message in the family chat I'm 18 today was still sitting there no
00:02:23one had
00:02:23replied mom came over with a plate of garlic bread and set it in the middle of the table all
00:02:32right no phones at
00:02:33dinner I looked at the food on the table Ethan liked ribs Chloe liked mac and cheese mom had made
00:02:42the
00:02:42salad for herself not a single dish was for me I liked seafood grilled salmon was my favorite I had
00:02:50said
00:02:50it so many times no one in this family remembered dad today dad set down his iced tea and glanced
00:03:00at me
00:03:01the next second he turned back to Ethan how's your wrist from basketball this afternoon does the
00:03:07sprain still hurt it's okay shoot it aches a little when I shoot I'll take you to a sports therapist
00:03:12tomorrow my words died in midair I finished dinner quietly and went to wash the dishes I turned the
00:03:20faucet on high from the living room came the sound of Chloe practicing ballet basics her toes landing
00:03:28against the floor one by one mom counted beats beside her Ethan was playing Xbox in his room
00:03:33shouting every few minutes dad was on the couch with his iPad everyone in this house had something
00:03:39of their own everyone had someone answering them except me I stood in the kitchen washing platelets and
00:03:49cups for five people the water was loud loud enough that even if I cried no one would hear after
00:03:56the
00:03:57dishes I went back to my room and shut the door my phone lit up it was a message in
00:04:01the class group chat it was the
00:04:03only happy birthday I had received all day from a classmate I had known for less than a year I
00:04:07replied thank you then I
00:04:09opened my photo album and kept scrolling back after I turned six mom's camera had almost completely turned toward them
00:04:15most of the
00:04:16photos were of them I scrolled for a long time before I finally found one it was from when I
00:04:21was nine and had entered the
00:04:23school speech contest mom had taken it from the audience the photo was blurry only half my body was
00:04:29in it because the other half of the frame was Chloe in the front row turning back toward the camera
00:04:35with a bright
00:04:35smile I stood off stage in front of the microphone my face barely visible the phone screen dimmed and my
00:04:43face appeared in the black reflection
00:04:4618 year old Mallory Hayes had spent the whole morning putting on makeup waited all day and still hadn't
00:04:52gotten a single happy birthday mom's voice came from outside the door
00:04:58Mallory wake your sister at seven tomorrow morning she has training at 8 30. Okay
00:05:08Hey sis it's seven Chloe had woken up on her own she stood in my doorway in a pink leotard
00:05:14her hair
00:05:15half tied I checked my phone 6 53 my alarm hadn't even gone off you got up by yourself yeah
00:05:24I set an alarm mom told you to wake me but I was afraid you didn't sleep well last night
00:05:30she said it so casually but the words still stung she knew I hadn't slept well last night
00:05:36I'll help you tie your hair no it's fine I can do it
00:05:43she turned and left
00:05:46Chloe had always been like that with me she wasn't cruel she just wasn't close
00:05:53she called me sis but the word carried no weight
00:05:57the twins had their own rhythm and I had never been able to enter it
00:06:01at breakfast mom was warming milk for Chloe Ethan wasn't up yet
00:06:07Mally have you eaten I have
00:06:09I hadn't she didn't even check whether there was a bowl I'd used on the table
00:06:14she just nodded Chloe did you pack your water bottle it's hot today drink more water
00:06:20I did
00:06:22Mally drive your sister there she still doesn't know the stops near the training center
00:06:27Chloe had been going to that training center for two years mom still said she didn't know the way
00:06:33okay
00:06:35as we were leaving Ethan finally got up and called from his doorway
00:06:39mom what's for breakfast
00:06:42I left you a bagel and yogurt on the table
00:06:44a bagel and yogurt Ethan's regular breakfast
00:06:49no one had ever asked what I wanted in the morning on the way to the training center
00:06:54Chloe sat in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone
00:06:58she wasn't trying to be cold it just never occurred to her to talk to me
00:07:05sis
00:07:07when she suddenly spoke my palm tightened on the wheel
00:07:11what
00:07:13that message you sent in the group chat yesterday
00:07:15Ethan told you to delete it
00:07:18yeah
00:07:20did you
00:07:22no
00:07:24she nodded then lowered her head to look at her phone again
00:07:27I waited for a long time waiting for her to say happy birthday
00:07:31she didn't
00:07:33when we reached the training center she unbuckled her seat belt
00:07:37sis I'm here
00:07:39yeah
00:07:40train hard
00:07:40can you pick me up this afternoon I finish at five
00:07:43I have a study group this afternoon
00:07:45that was a lie
00:07:46I had nothing this afternoon I just didn't want to go
00:07:49then I'll ask mom to pick me up
00:07:51okay
00:07:53at 4.50 that afternoon mom sent a message in the family group chat
00:07:58Chloe finishes training at five who can pick her up
00:08:01I'm in a meeting
00:08:01I'm at a friend's house
00:08:03Mallory aren't you free this afternoon
00:08:05I looked at that message
00:08:07she started with who can pick her up but in the end it still landed on me
00:08:10it's on your way anyway right just go pick her up
00:08:13it wasn't on my way at all but in this family my road was always on the way
00:08:17my time was always free
00:08:19I typed okay and sent it
00:08:21then I turned my phone face down on the desk
00:08:25suddenly I wondered
00:08:28what would happen if one day I didn't reply with okay
00:08:32if I turned off my phone
00:08:33canceled my number and disappeared too
00:08:37would they first panic because no one could pick up Chloe
00:08:40or would they think of me first I knew the answer
00:08:43when I picked Chloe up her face was flushed from training and her hair was damp
00:08:48sis I'm thirsty
00:08:49where's your water bottle
00:08:50finished it
00:08:52I handed her the spare bottle of water in the car
00:08:54thanks sis
00:08:56on the way home she soon fell asleep against the window
00:08:59I adjusted the air conditionings so the car wouldn't be so cold
00:09:02she was the little princess everyone in the family revolved around
00:09:05and most of the roads I had driven through this city had been for someone else
00:09:08but not for much longer
00:09:10not long after the school college counselor called me into her office
00:09:14Mallory Hayes I saw your awards record
00:09:16honorable ments in the national math olympias
00:09:19that's impressive awards like that carry real weight
00:09:22which schools are you considering for early applications
00:09:24I'm still looking
00:09:25what do your parents think
00:09:27I haven't told them yet
00:09:28something this important and you're not discussing it with your family first
00:09:33I want to look into it myself first
00:09:35I knew that even if I told them no one would take it seriously
00:09:38on last month's mock examine I ranked third in the entire grade
00:09:40I took a photo of my report card and sent it to the family group chat
00:09:43my third place ranking stayed in the chat for only a very short while
00:09:46all it got from mom was one sentence
00:09:47not bad
00:09:48the next message was a video mom sent of Chloe dancing
00:09:50that afternoon when I got home
00:09:52I found a dusty letter among a pile of bills and flyers on the coffee table
00:09:56it said congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Hayes
00:09:59your daughter Mallory Hayes has received an honorable mention
00:10:02in the national high school mathematics olympiad
00:10:04two months had passed the envelope hadn't even been opened
00:10:07it was tucked between bills and pizza curans
00:10:09completely forgotten
00:10:10at dinner mom answered a facetime call from my aunt
00:10:13my aunt asked about Ethan's swim meet
00:10:15mom said he had taken second place in the district
00:10:18pride filling her voice
00:10:19my aunt asked about Chloe's dance competition
00:10:21mom said she had won gold at regionals
00:10:24and the judges had praised how steady she was off dyes
00:10:27how's Mallory she's applying to college soon too right
00:10:31she's doing fine
00:10:32third in my grade a national math olympic award
00:10:36in mom's mouth all of it became doing fine
00:10:38I sat at the dining table still holding the award letter
00:10:41that had been forgotten for two months
00:10:42no one asked how I had been lately
00:10:44no one turned to me and said Mallory what about you
00:10:47I went back to my room opened my laptop and started looking up
00:10:50colleges that would actually care about competition backgrounds
00:10:52in the end I stopped at Carnegie Mellon hundreds of miles away from home
00:10:56no one would remember me only when they needed someone to pick up my sister
00:10:59I opened the application page
00:11:01my fingers hovered over the screen for three seconds before I finally closed it
00:11:06I decided to try one more time
00:11:09if they still couldn't see me this time
00:11:11I would leave completely
00:11:16Mallory
00:11:17Ashley is coming to stay with us for a while
00:11:20give her your room and share with Chloe for now
00:11:22Saturday morning
00:11:24mom said it casually while changing shoes by the door
00:11:27I was sitting at the dining table eating cereal
00:11:30my spoon stopped in midair
00:11:35why my room
00:11:36your room gets the best natural light
00:11:38Ashley hasn't been feeling well lately and the doctor said more sunlight would be good for her
00:11:42Ethan's room has a window too
00:11:43your brother is a boy Ashley is a girl how could they share a room
00:11:46then let her stay with Chloe
00:11:48Chloe needs space to stretch at night
00:11:50your room only has a bed and a desk it's easy to clear out
00:11:53how long is she staying about half a month
00:11:55her summer program is over here
00:11:56I didn't argue anymore
00:11:57experience had taught me a long time ago that arguing was useless
00:12:01that afternoon Ashley came in dragging two large suitcases smiling sweetly
00:12:10you're here you're here come in
00:12:13mom was so warm as if an important guest had arrived
00:12:17Ashley pushed her suitcases into my room and looked around from the doorway
00:12:21auntie can this bookshelf be moved out
00:12:23I want to put a vanity mirror here
00:12:26of course
00:12:28Mallory move the bookshelf out
00:12:30on my bookshelf were three years of notebooks reference books and a few certificates
00:12:34it took me an hour to move everything into a corner of Chloe's room
00:12:39that night I laid a mattress on the floor of Chloe's room
00:12:43sis why don't you sleep on the bed I'll sleep on the floor
00:12:48no the floor is fine
00:12:50Ashley is actually okay don't be upset
00:12:54Ashley was never what upset me
00:12:57what hurt was that in this house
00:13:00I was always the one expected to give way
00:13:03on the third day I went back to my room to get review materials
00:13:06and opened the door to find Ashley flipping through my math competition notes
00:13:10these are yours your handwriting is so neat
00:13:13yeah please put them back
00:13:15I was just looking you're way too protective of this stuff
00:13:18she casually put the notebook back on the desk
00:13:20I glanced over and suddenly realized one was missing
00:13:23there was a blue one on the desk where is it
00:13:25I didn't touch it I didn't see it
00:13:27I searched for 10 minutes and finally found it in the trash can
00:13:31half the cover had been torn off and several pages inside were soaked with coffee
00:13:35the writing blurred into smears
00:13:36it was the problem-solving notebook I had been organizing since freshman year
00:13:40three years I only had that one copy
00:13:42Ashley this oh maybe I knocked it over when I was carrying coffee
00:13:46just write another one
00:13:46I stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook
00:13:49my hands shaking
00:13:53I took the notebook back to Chloe's room
00:13:55and dried it page by page with a hair broyer
00:14:00where the writing was blurred
00:14:02I slowly filled it back in with a pencil
00:14:06I worked until one in the morning
00:14:08the next morning Ashley sat in my old seat chatting happily with mom
00:14:12no one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark
00:14:15or what had happened last night
00:14:16and I no longer needed to wait for that one last time
00:14:20from that day on I began preparing to leave
00:14:23until the day I received my acceptance letter
00:14:25I knew the time had come to leave this house
00:14:27I packed my suitcase and bought a grey house ticket
00:14:30for the early dawn departure the next day
00:14:31the destination was Pittsburgh
00:14:33then I walked to the door and placed my house key
00:14:35on the small entryway table
00:14:37I left the group chat and deactivated my old phone number
00:14:41the screen went dark
00:14:42the whole world suddenly became much quieter
00:14:47I pulled my suitcase
00:14:49opened the door
00:14:50and closed it softly behind me
00:15:02on my birthday
00:15:04this house always treats it like any other day
00:15:07I thought turning 18 would be different
00:15:10that morning I got up early on purpose
00:15:12put on light makeup
00:15:13and sat on the living room couch to wait
00:15:16mom walked past me on her way out
00:15:18carrying Chloe's dance bag
00:15:21heat up your own lunch
00:15:22I'm taking Chloe to her intensive class
00:15:25dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard
00:15:28Ethan called him to go play basketball
00:15:30at the park
00:15:31and the two of them left soon after
00:15:34at noon I was the only one left in the house
00:15:37I sent a message in the family group chat
00:15:39I'm 18 today
00:15:41no one replied
00:15:43this family celebrates everyone's birthday
00:15:46everyone's but mine
00:15:47because my parents only love my twin siblings
00:15:50Ethan and Chloe
00:15:51they don't love me
00:15:53when Ethan wants a birthday party
00:15:55my parents book a private room at his favorite steakhouse a month in advance
00:15:59when it's Chloe's turn and she wants to go to Six Flags
00:16:02the whole family goes
00:16:04mom even posts nine photos on Instagram
00:16:06but on my birthday
00:16:08this house always treats it like any other day
00:16:10I thought turning 18 would be different
00:16:13that morning I got up early on purpose
00:16:16put on light makeup
00:16:17and sat on the living room couch to wait
00:16:20mom walked past me on her way out
00:16:22carrying Chloe's dance bag
00:16:24heat up your own lunch
00:16:25I'm taking Chloe to her intensive class
00:16:28dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard
00:16:32Ethan called him to go play basketball at the park
00:16:35and the two of them left soon after
00:16:37at noon I was the only one left in the house
00:16:40I sent a message in the family group chat
00:16:42I'm 18 today
00:16:45no one replied
00:16:46at seven that night everybody came home
00:16:48no one sang
00:16:50no one felt like anything was missing
00:16:53I was 18 now
00:16:55at last I could decide for myself where I wanted to go
00:16:58Mallory, delete that message from the group chat
00:17:02I almost missed grandpa's voice message
00:17:04Ethan didn't even look up
00:17:07he tapped the edge of his plate lightly with his dinner knife
00:17:11signaling mom to give him more ribs
00:17:15I looked down at my phone
00:17:17the message in the family chat
00:17:18I'm 18 today was still sitting there
00:17:21no one had replied
00:17:24mom came over with a plate of garlic bread
00:17:26and set it in the middle of the table
00:17:30all right
00:17:31no phones at dinner
00:17:34I looked at the food on the table
00:17:36Ethan liked ribs
00:17:37Chloe liked mac and cheese
00:17:39mom had made the salad for herself
00:17:42not a single dish was for me
00:17:43I liked seafood
00:17:46grilled salmon was my favorite
00:17:48I had said it so many times
00:17:50no one in this family remembered
00:17:54dad today
00:17:56dad set down his iced tea
00:17:58and glanced at me
00:18:00the next second he turned back to Ethan
00:18:03how's your wrist from basketball this afternoon
00:18:05does the sprain still hurt
00:18:06it's okay
00:18:08shoot it aches a little when I shoot
00:18:09I'll take you to a sports therapist tomorrow
00:18:12my words died in midair
00:18:15I finished dinner quietly and went to wash the dishes
00:18:18I turned the faucet on high
00:18:22from the living room came the sound of Chloe practicing ballet basics
00:18:25her toes landing against the floor one by one
00:18:28mom counted beats beside her
00:18:30Ethan was playing xbox in his room
00:18:32shouting every few minutes
00:18:33dad was on the couch with his ipad
00:18:35everyone in this house had something of their own
00:18:38everyone had someone answering them
00:18:42except me
00:18:44I stood in the kitchen
00:18:46washing platelets and cups for five people
00:18:49the water was loud loud enough that even if I cried no one would hear
00:18:54after the dishes I went back to my room and shut the door
00:18:57my phone lit up
00:18:59it was a message in the class group chat
00:19:00it was the only happy birthday I had received all day
00:19:03from a classmate I had known for less than a year
00:19:05I replied thank you
00:19:07then I opened my photo album and kept scrolling back
00:19:10after I turned six
00:19:11mom's camera had almost completely turned toward them
00:19:14most of the photos were of them
00:19:16I scrolled for a long time before I finally found one
00:19:19it was from when I was nine and had entered the school speech contest
00:19:22mom had taken it from the audience
00:19:25the photo was blurry
00:19:26only half my body was in it
00:19:28because the other half of the frame
00:19:30was Chloe in the front row
00:19:31turning back toward the camera with a bright smile
00:19:35I stood off stage in front of the microphone
00:19:37my face barely visible
00:19:40the phone screen dimmed
00:19:41and my face appeared in the black reflection
00:19:4518 year old Mallory Hayes had spent the whole morning
00:19:47putting on makeup
00:19:48waited all day
00:19:49and still hadn't gotten a single happy birthday
00:19:52mom's voice came from outside the door
00:19:56Mallory, wake your sister at 7 tomorrow morning
00:20:00she has training at 8.30
00:20:04okay
00:20:07hey sis it's seven
00:20:09Chloe had woken up on her own
00:20:10she stood in my doorway in a pink leotard
00:20:13her hair half tied
00:20:15I checked my phone
00:20:166.53 my alarm hadn't even gone off
00:20:20you got up by yourself?
00:20:21yeah
00:20:22I set an alarm
00:20:24mom told you to wake me but
00:20:26I was afraid you didn't sleep well last night
00:20:29she said it so casually
00:20:30but the words still stung
00:20:32she knew I hadn't slept well last night
00:20:35I'll help you tie your hair
00:20:37no it's fine
00:20:38I can do it
00:20:42she turned and left
00:20:44Chloe had always been like that with me
00:20:47she wasn't cruel
00:20:49she just wasn't close
00:20:51she called me sis
00:20:53but the word carried no weight
00:20:55the twins had their own rhythm
00:20:57and I had never been able to enter it
00:20:59at breakfast
00:21:00mom was warming milk for Chloe
00:21:02Ethan wasn't up yet
00:21:05Mally have you eaten?
00:21:07I have
00:21:08I hadn't
00:21:10she didn't even check whether there was a bowl I'd used on the table
00:21:13she just nodded
00:21:14Chloe
00:21:15did you pack your water bottle?
00:21:16it's hot today
00:21:17drink more water
00:21:19I did
00:21:21Mally
00:21:21drive your sister there
00:21:23she still doesn't know the stops near the training center
00:21:25Chloe had been going to that training center for two years
00:21:29mom still said she didn't know the way
00:21:32okay
00:21:33as we were leaving
00:21:34Ethan finally got up and called from his doorway
00:21:38mom what's for breakfast?
00:21:41I left you a bagel and yogurt on the table
00:21:43a bagel and yogurt
00:21:45Ethan's regular breakfast
00:21:48no one had ever asked what I wanted in the morning
00:21:51on the way to the training center
00:21:53Chloe sat in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone
00:21:57she wasn't trying to be cold
00:21:59it just never occurred to her to talk to me
00:22:04sis
00:22:05when she suddenly spoke my palm tightened on the wheel
00:22:09what?
00:22:11that message you sent in the group chat yesterday
00:22:14Ethan told you to delete it
00:22:16yeah
00:22:18did you?
00:22:21no
00:22:22she nodded then lowered her head to look at her phone again
00:22:25I waited for a long time waiting for her to say happy birthday
00:22:30she didn't
00:22:32when we reached the training center she unbuckled her seat belt
00:22:35sis I'm here
00:22:37yeah
00:22:38train hard
00:22:39can you pick me up this afternoon?
00:22:40I finish at five
00:22:41I have a study group this afternoon
00:22:44that was a lie
00:22:45I had nothing this afternoon
00:22:46I just didn't want to go
00:22:48then I'll ask mom to pick me up
00:22:50okay
00:22:51at 4.50 that afternoon
00:22:53mom sent a message in the family group chat
00:22:56Chloe finishes training at five
00:22:58who can pick her up?
00:22:59I'm in a meeting
00:23:00I'm at a friend's house
00:23:01Mallory aren't you free this afternoon?
00:23:03I looked at that message
00:23:05she started with who can pick her up
00:23:07but in the end it still landed on me
00:23:09it's on your way anyway right?
00:23:11just go pick her up
00:23:11it wasn't on my way at all
00:23:13but in this family my road was always on the way
00:23:15my time was always free
00:23:18I typed okay and sent it
00:23:19then I turned my phone face down on the desk
00:23:24suddenly I wondered
00:23:26what would happen if one day I didn't reply with okay
00:23:31if I turned off my phone
00:23:32cancelled my number and disappeared too
00:23:35would they first panic
00:23:36because no one could pick up Chloe
00:23:38or would they think of me first?
00:23:40I knew the answer
00:23:41when I picked Chloe up
00:23:43her face was flushed from training
00:23:44and her hair was damp
00:23:46sis I'm thirsty
00:23:48where's your water bottle?
00:23:49finished it
00:23:50I handed her the spare bottle of water in the car
00:23:53thanks sis
00:23:55on the way home
00:23:56she soon fell asleep against the window
00:23:57I adjusted the air conditionings
00:23:59so the car wouldn't be so cold
00:24:00she was the little princess
00:24:01everyone in the family revolved around
00:24:03and most of the roads
00:24:04I had driven through this city
00:24:05had been for someone else
00:24:06but not for much longer
00:24:09not long after
00:24:10the school college counselor
00:24:11called me into her office
00:24:13Mallory Hayes
00:24:14I saw your awards record
00:24:15Honorable Ments in the National Math Olympias
00:24:18that's impressive
00:24:19awards like that carry real weight
00:24:21which schools are you considering
00:24:22for early applications?
00:24:23I'm still looking
00:24:24what do your parents think?
00:24:26I haven't told them yet
00:24:27something this important
00:24:28and you're not discussing it with your family first?
00:24:31I want to look into it myself first
00:24:33I knew that even if I told them
00:24:35no one would take it seriously
00:24:36on last month's mock examine
00:24:37I ranked third in the entire grade
00:24:39I took a photo of my report card
00:24:40and sent it to the family group chat
00:24:41my third place ranking stayed in the chat
00:24:43for only a very short while
00:24:44all it got from mom was one sentence
00:24:46not bad
00:24:46the next message was a video mom sent
00:24:48of Chloe dancing
00:24:49that afternoon when I got home
00:24:51I found a dusty letter
00:24:52among a pile of bills and flyers
00:24:54on the coffee table
00:24:55it said congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Hayes
00:24:57your daughter Mallory Hayes
00:24:59has received an honorable mention
00:25:00in the National High School Mathematics Olympiad
00:25:03two months had passed
00:25:04the envelope hadn't even been opened
00:25:05it was tucked between bills and pizza curans
00:25:08completely forgotten
00:25:09at dinner mom answered a FaceTime call from my aunt
00:25:12my aunt asked about Ethan's swim meet
00:25:14mom said he had taken second place in the district
00:25:16pride filling her voice
00:25:18my aunt asked about Chloe's dance competition
00:25:20mom said she had won gold at regionals
00:25:22and the judges had praised how steady she was off dyes
00:25:25how's Mallory?
00:25:26she's applying to college soon too, right?
00:25:30she's doing fine
00:25:31third in my grade
00:25:32a National Math Olympiac award
00:25:34in mom's mouth all of it became doing fine
00:25:37I sat at the dining table
00:25:38still holding the award letter
00:25:39that had been forgotten for two months
00:25:41no one asked how I had been lately
00:25:43no one turned to me and said
00:25:44Mallory, what about you?
00:25:45I went back to my room
00:25:46opened my laptop
00:25:47and started looking up colleges
00:25:49that would actually care about
00:25:50competition backgrounds
00:25:50in the end
00:25:51I stopped at Carnegie Mellon
00:25:53hundreds of miles away from home
00:25:55no one would remember me
00:25:56only when they needed someone to pick up my sister
00:25:58I opened the application page
00:26:00my fingers hovered over the screen for three seconds
00:26:02before I finally closed it
00:26:05I decided to try one more time
00:26:07if they still couldn't see me this time
00:26:09I would leave
00:26:11I would leave
00:26:11completely
00:26:15Mallory, Ashley is coming to stay with us for a while
00:26:19give her your room and share with Chloe for now
00:26:21Saturday morning
00:26:22mom said it casually while changing shoes by the door
00:26:26I was sitting at the dining table eating cereal
00:26:28my spoon stopped in midair
00:26:33why my room?
00:26:34your room gets the best natural light
00:26:37Ashley hasn't been feeling well lately
00:26:38and the doctor said more sunlight would be good for her
00:26:40Ethan's room has a window too
00:26:42your brother is a boy
00:26:43Ashley is a girl
00:26:44how could they share a room?
00:26:45then let her stay with Chloe
00:26:46Chloe needs space to stretch at night
00:26:48your room only has a bed and a desk
00:26:50it's easy to clear out
00:26:51how long is she staying?
00:26:53about half a month
00:26:53her summer program is over here
00:26:55I didn't argue anymore
00:26:56experience had taught me a long time ago
00:26:58that arguing was useless
00:27:00that afternoon
00:27:01Ashley came in
00:27:02dragging two large suitcases
00:27:04smiling sweetly
00:27:07auntie
00:27:07uncle
00:27:08you're here
00:27:09you're here
00:27:10come in
00:27:11mom was so warm
00:27:13as if an important guest had arrived
00:27:15Ashley pushed her suitcases into my room
00:27:17and looked around from the doorway
00:27:19auntie
00:27:20can this bookshelf be moved out?
00:27:22I want to put a vanity mirror here
00:27:24of course
00:27:26Mallory
00:27:27move the bookshelf out
00:27:29on my bookshelf were three years of notebooks
00:27:31reference books
00:27:32and a few certificates
00:27:33it took me an hour to move everything into a corner of Chloe's room
00:27:37that night
00:27:38I laid a mattress on the floor of Chloe's room
00:27:42sis
00:27:42why don't you sleep on the bed?
00:27:44I'll sleep on the floor
00:27:46no
00:27:47the floor is fine
00:27:49Ashley is actually okay
00:27:50don't be upset
00:27:53Ashley was never what upset me
00:27:56what hurt was that in this house
00:27:58I was always the one expected to give way
00:28:02on the third day I went back to my room to get review materials
00:28:05and opened the door to find Ashley flipping through my math competition notes
00:28:08these are yours?
00:28:10your handwriting is so neat
00:28:11yeah
00:28:12please put them back
00:28:13I was just looking
00:28:14you're way too protective of this stuff
00:28:16she casually put the notebook back on the desk
00:28:19I glanced over and suddenly realized one was missing
00:28:21there was a blue one on the desk
00:28:23where is it?
00:28:24I didn't touch it
00:28:24I didn't see it
00:28:26I searched for 10 minutes and finally found it in the trash can
00:28:29half the cover had been torn off
00:28:31and several pages inside were soaked with coffee
00:28:33the writing blurred into smears
00:28:35it was the problem solving notebook I had been organizing since freshman year
00:28:38three years
00:28:39I only had that one copy
00:28:40Ashley this?
00:28:42oh maybe I knocked it over when I was carrying coffee
00:28:44just write another one
00:28:45I stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook
00:28:47my hands shaking
00:28:52I took the notebook back to Chloe's room
00:28:54and dried it page by page with a hair broyer
00:28:58where the writing was blurred
00:29:00I slowly filled it back in with a pencil
00:29:05I worked until one in the morning
00:29:06the next morning Ashley sat in my old seat
00:29:09chatting happily with mom
00:29:10no one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark
00:29:13or what had happened last night
00:29:15and I no longer needed to wait for that one last time
00:29:19from that day on I began preparing to leave
00:29:21until the day I received my acceptance letter
00:29:23I knew the time had come to leave this house
00:29:26I packed my suitcase and bought a grey house ticket
00:29:28for the early dawn departure the next day
00:29:30the destination was Pittsburgh
00:29:32then I walked to the door and placed my house key
00:29:34on the small entryway table
00:29:35I left the group chat and deactivated my old phone number
00:29:40the screen went dark
00:29:41the whole world suddenly became much quieter
00:29:45I pulled my suitcase
00:29:47opened the door and closed it softly behind me
00:30:00but on my birthday
00:30:02this house always treats it like any other day
00:30:05I thought turning 18 would be different
00:30:08that morning I got up early on purpose
00:30:11put on light makeup
00:30:12and sat on the living room couch to wait
00:30:15mom walked past me on her way out
00:30:17carrying Chloe's dance bag
00:30:18heat up your own lunch
00:30:20I'm taking Chloe to her intensive class
00:30:23dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard
00:30:26Ethan called him to go play basketball at the park
00:30:29and the two of them left soon after
00:30:32at noon I was the only one left in the house
00:30:35I sent a message in the family group chat
00:30:37I'm 18 today
00:30:40no one replied
00:30:41this family celebrates everyone's birthday
00:30:45everyone's but mine
00:30:46because my parents only love my twin siblings
00:30:48Ethan and Chloe
00:30:50they don't love me
00:30:51when Ethan wants a birthday party
00:30:53my parents book a private room
00:30:55at his favorite steakhouse a month in advance
00:30:58when it's Chloe's turn and she wants to go to Six Flags
00:31:01the whole family goes
00:31:02mom even posts nine photos on Instagram
00:31:04but on my birthday
00:31:07this house always treats it like any other day
00:31:09I thought turning 18 would be different
00:31:12that morning I got up early on purpose
00:31:14put on light makeup
00:31:16and sat on the living room couch to wait
00:31:19mom walked past me on her way out
00:31:20carrying Chloe's dance bag
00:31:23heat up your own lunch
00:31:24I'm taking Chloe to her intensive class
00:31:27dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard
00:31:30Ethan called him to go play basketball
00:31:32at the park
00:31:33and the two of them left soon after
00:31:35at noon I was the only one left in the house
00:31:39I sent a message in the family group chat
00:31:41I'm 18 today
00:31:43no one replied
00:31:44at 7 that night everybody came home
00:31:47no one sang
00:31:48no one felt like anything was missing
00:31:51I was 18 now
00:31:52at last I could decide for myself where I wanted to go
00:31:57Mallory delete that message from the group chat
00:32:00I almost missed grandpa's voice message
00:32:03Ethan didn't even look up
00:32:05he tapped the edge of his plate lightly with his dinner knife
00:32:09signaling mom to give him more ribs
00:32:13I looked down at my phone
00:32:14the message in the family chat
00:32:17I'm 18 today was still sitting there
00:32:20no one had replied
00:32:22mom came over with a plate of garlic bread
00:32:24and set it in the middle of the table
00:32:28all right
00:32:30no phones at dinner
00:32:32I looked at the food on the table
00:32:35Ethan liked ribs
00:32:36Chloe liked mac and cheese
00:32:38mom had made the salad for herself
00:32:40not a single dish was for me
00:32:42I liked seafood
00:32:44grilled salmon was my favorite
00:32:46I had said it so many times
00:32:48no one in this family remembered
00:32:52dad today
00:32:55dad set down his iced tea
00:32:56and glanced at me
00:32:58the next second he turned back to Ethan
00:33:01how's your wrist from basketball this afternoon
00:33:03does the sprain still hurt
00:33:05it's okay
00:33:06shoot it aches a little when I shoot
00:33:08I'll take you to a sports therapist tomorrow
00:33:10my words died in midair
00:33:13I finished dinner quietly and went to wash the dishes
00:33:17I turned the faucet on high
00:33:20from the living room came the sound of Chloe
00:33:23practicing ballet basics
00:33:24her toes landing against the floor one by one
00:33:26mom counted beats beside her
00:33:28Ethan was playing xbox in his room
00:33:30shouting every few minutes
00:33:32dad was on the couch with his ipad
00:33:34everyone in this house had something of their own
00:33:36everyone had someone answering them
00:33:40except me
00:33:43I stood in the kitchen washing platelets and cups for five people
00:33:48the water was loud loud enough that even if I cried no one would hear
00:33:53after the dishes I went back to my room and shut the door
00:33:56my phone lit up
00:33:57it was a message in the class group chat
00:33:59it was the only happy birthday I had received all day
00:34:02from a classmate I had known for less than a year
00:34:04I replied thank you
00:34:05then I opened my photo album and kept scrolling back
00:34:08after I turned six
00:34:10mom's camera had almost completely turned toward them
00:34:12most of the photos were of them
00:34:14I scrolled for a long time before I finally found one
00:34:17it was from when I was nine and had entered the school speech contest
00:34:20mom had taken it from the audience
00:34:23the photo was blurry
00:34:25only half my body was in it
00:34:26because the other half of the frame
00:34:28was Chloe in the front row
00:34:30turning back toward the camera with a bright smile
00:34:33I stood off stage in front of the microphone
00:34:36my face barely visible
00:34:38the phone screen dimmed
00:34:40and my face appeared in the black reflection
00:34:4318 year old Mallory Hayes had spent the whole morning
00:34:46putting on makeup
00:34:47waited all day
00:34:48and still hadn't gotten a single happy birthday
00:34:50mom's voice came from outside the door
00:34:55Mallory wake your sister at 7 tomorrow morning
00:34:59she has training at 8 30
00:35:02okay
00:35:05hey sis it's seven
00:35:07Chloe had woken up on her own
00:35:09she stood in my doorway in a pink leotard
00:35:11her hair half tied
00:35:13I checked my phone
00:35:146 53 my alarm hadn't even gone off
00:35:18you got up by yourself?
00:35:20yeah
00:35:21I set an alarm
00:35:23mom told you to wake me but
00:35:24I was afraid you didn't sleep well last night
00:35:27she said it so casually
00:35:28but the words still stung
00:35:30she knew I hadn't slept well last night
00:35:33I'll help you tie your hair
00:35:35no it's fine
00:35:37I can do it
00:35:40she turned and left
00:35:43Chloe had always been like that with me
00:35:45she wasn't cruel
00:35:47she just wasn't close
00:35:50she called me sis
00:35:51but the word carried no weight
00:35:54the twins had their own rhythm
00:35:56and I had never been able to enter it
00:35:58at breakfast
00:35:59mom was warming milk for Chloe
00:36:01Ethan wasn't up yet
00:36:04Mally have you eaten?
00:36:06I have
00:36:06I hadn't
00:36:08she didn't even check whether there was a bowl I'd used on the table
00:36:11she just nodded
00:36:12Chloe did you pack your water bottle?
00:36:15it's hot today
00:36:16drink more water
00:36:17I did
00:36:19Mally
00:36:20drive your sister there
00:36:21she still doesn't know the stops near the training center
00:36:24Chloe had been going to that training center for two years
00:36:27mom still said she didn't know the way
00:36:30okay
00:36:32as we were leaving
00:36:33Ethan finally got up and called from his doorway
00:36:36mom what's for breakfast?
00:36:39I left you a bagel and yogurt on the table
00:36:41a bagel and yogurt
00:36:44Ethan's regular breakfast
00:36:46no one had ever asked what I wanted in the morning
00:36:49on the way to the training center
00:36:51Chloe sat in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone
00:36:55she wasn't trying to be cold
00:36:57it just never occurred to her to talk to me
00:37:02sis
00:37:04when she suddenly spoke my palm tightened on the wheel
00:37:08what?
00:37:10that message you sent in the group chat yesterday
00:37:12Ethan told you to delete it?
00:37:15yeah
00:37:17did you?
00:37:19no
00:37:21she nodded then lowered her head to look at her phone again
00:37:24I waited for a long time waiting for her to say happy birthday
00:37:28she didn't
00:37:30when we reached the training center
00:37:32she unbuckled her seat belt
00:37:34sis I'm here
00:37:36yeah
00:37:37train hard
00:37:37can you pick me up this afternoon?
00:37:39I finish at five
00:37:40I have a study group this afternoon
00:37:42that was a lie
00:37:43I had nothing this afternoon
00:37:45I just didn't want to go
00:37:46then I'll ask mom to pick me up
00:37:48okay
00:37:50at 4.50 that afternoon
00:37:52mom sent a message in the family group chat
00:37:55Chloe finishes training at five
00:37:56who can pick her up?
00:37:58I'm in a meeting
00:37:58I'm at a friend's house
00:38:00Mallory?
00:38:01aren't you free this afternoon?
00:38:02I looked at that message
00:38:04she started with who can pick her up
00:38:06but in the end it still landed on me
00:38:07it's on your way anyway right?
00:38:09just go pick her up
00:38:10it wasn't on my way at all
00:38:11but in this family my road was always on the way
00:38:14my time was always free
00:38:16I typed okay and sent it
00:38:18then I turned my phone face down on the desk
00:38:22suddenly I wondered
00:38:25what would happen
00:38:26if one day I didn't reply with okay
00:38:28if I turned off my phone
00:38:30cancelled my number
00:38:32and disappeared too
00:38:33would they first panic
00:38:35because no one could pick up Chloe
00:38:37or would they think of me first?
00:38:39I knew the answer
00:38:40when I picked Chloe up
00:38:41her face was flushed from training
00:38:43and her hair was damp
00:38:44sis I'm thirsty
00:38:46where's your water bottle?
00:38:47finished it
00:38:48I handed her the spare bottle of water in the car
00:38:51thanks sis
00:38:52mmm
00:38:53on the way home
00:38:54she soon fell asleep against the window
00:38:56I adjusted the air conditionings
00:38:58so the car wouldn't be so cold
00:38:59she was the little princess
00:39:00everyone in the family revolved around
00:39:02and most of the roads I had driven through this city
00:39:04had been for someone else
00:39:05but not for much longer
00:39:07not long after
00:39:08the school college counselor called me into her office
00:39:11Mallory Hayes
00:39:12I saw your awards record
00:39:13honorable ments in the national math olympias
00:39:16that's impressive
00:39:17awards like that carry real weight
00:39:19which schools are you considering for early applications?
00:39:22I'm still looking
00:39:22what do your parents think?
00:39:24I haven't told them yet
00:39:25something this important
00:39:27and you're not discussing it with your family first?
00:39:30I want to look into it myself first
00:39:31I knew that even if I told them
00:39:33no one would take it seriously
00:39:35on last month's mock examine
00:39:36I ranked third in the entire grade
00:39:37I took a photo of my report card
00:39:39and sent it to the family group chat
00:39:40my third place ranking stayed in the chat
00:39:41for only a very short while
00:39:43all it got from mom was one sentence
00:39:44not bad
00:39:45the next message was a video mom sent of Chloe dancing
00:39:47that afternoon when I got home
00:39:49I found a dusty letter among a pile of bills and flyers
00:39:52on the coffee table
00:39:53it said congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Hayes
00:39:56your daughter Mallory Hayes
00:39:57has received an honorable mention
00:39:59in the National High School Mathematics Olympiad
00:40:01two months had passed
00:40:02the envelope hadn't even been opened
00:40:04it was tucked between bills and pizza currans
00:40:06completely forgotten
00:40:07at dinner mom answered a FaceTime call from my aunt
00:40:10my aunt asked about Ethan's swim meet
00:40:12mom said he had taken second place in the district
00:40:15pride filling her voice
00:40:16my aunt asked about Chloe's dance competition
00:40:18mom said she had won gold at regionals
00:40:21and the judges had praised how steady she was off dyes
00:40:24how's Mallory? she's applying to college soon too, right?
00:40:28she's doing fine
00:40:29third in my grade
00:40:31a national math olympic award
00:40:33in mom's mouth all of it became doing fine
00:40:35i sat at the dining table still holding the award letter that had been forgotten for two months
00:40:39no one asked how i had been lately
00:40:41no one turned to me and said
00:40:43no one turned to me and said
00:40:43Mallory what about you?
00:40:44i went back to my room
00:40:45opened my laptop
00:40:46and started looking up colleges that would actually care about competition backgrounds
00:40:49in the end i stopped at Carnegie Mellon
00:40:51hundreds of miles away from home
00:40:53no one would remember me
00:40:54only when they needed someone to pick up my sister
00:40:56i opened the application page
00:40:58my fingers hovered over the screen for three seconds
00:41:01before i finally closed it
00:41:03i decided to try one more time
00:41:06if they still couldn't see me this time
00:41:08i would leave
00:41:10completely
00:41:13Mallory, Ashley is coming to stay with us for a while
00:41:17give her your room and share with Chloe for now
00:41:19Saturday morning
00:41:21mom said it casually while changing shoes by the door
00:41:24i was sitting at the dining table eating cereal
00:41:27my spoon stopped in midair
00:41:32why my room?
00:41:33your room gets the best natural light
00:41:35Ashley hasn't been feeling well lately
00:41:37and the doctor said more sunlight would be good for her
00:41:39Ethan's room has a window too
00:41:40your brother is a boy
00:41:42Ashley is a girl
00:41:42how could they share a room?
00:41:44then let her stay with Chloe
00:41:45Chloe needs space to stretch at night
00:41:47your room only has a bed and a desk
00:41:49it's easy to clear out
00:41:50how long is she staying?
00:41:51about half a month
00:41:52her summer program is over here
00:41:53okay
00:41:54i didn't argue anymore
00:41:54experience had taught me a long time ago that arguing was useless
00:41:58that afternoon
00:41:59Ashley came in dragging two large suitcases
00:42:02smiling sweetly
00:42:05auntie uncle
00:42:06you're here you're here come in
00:42:10mom was so warm as if an important guest had arrived
00:42:14Ashley pushed her suitcases into my room and looked around from the doorway
00:42:17auntie
00:42:18can this bookshelf be moved out?
00:42:21i want to put a vanity mirror here
00:42:23of course
00:42:25Mallory, move the bookshelf out
00:42:26on my bookshelf were three years of notebooks, reference books, and a few certificates
00:42:31it took me an hour to move everything into a corner of chloe's room
00:42:36that night i laid a mattress on the floor of chloe's room
00:42:40sis, why don't you sleep on the bed?
00:42:43i'll sleep on the floor
00:42:44no
00:42:45no
00:42:46the floor is fine
00:42:47Ashley is actually okay
00:42:49don't be upset
00:42:51Ashley was never what upset me
00:42:54what hurt was that in this house
00:42:57i was always the one expected to give way
00:43:00on the third day i went back to my room to get review materials
00:43:03and opened the door to find ashley flipping through my math competition notes
00:43:07these are yours your handwriting is so neat
00:43:10yeah please put them back
00:43:12i was just looking you're way too protective of this stuff
00:43:15she casually put the notebook back on the desk
00:43:17i glanced over and suddenly realized one was missing
00:43:20there was a blue one on the desk where is it
00:43:22i didn't touch it i didn't see it
00:43:24i searched for 10 minutes and finally found it in the trash can
00:43:28half the cover had been torn off
00:43:29and several pages inside were soaked with coffee
00:43:32the writing blurred into smears
00:43:33it was the problem-solving notebook i had been organizing since freshman year
00:43:37three years i only had that one copy
00:43:39ashley this
00:43:40oh maybe i knocked it over when i was carrying coffee
00:43:43just write another one
00:43:43i stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook
00:43:46my hands shaking
00:43:50i took the notebook back to chloe's room
00:43:52and dried it page by page with a hair broyer
00:43:57where the writing was blurred
00:43:59i slowly filled it back in with a pencil
00:44:03i worked until one in the morning
00:44:05the next morning ashley sat in my old seat
00:44:08chatting happily with mom
00:44:09no one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark
00:44:12or what had happened last night
00:44:13and i no longer needed to wait for that one last time
00:44:17from that day on i began preparing to leave
00:44:20until the day i received my acceptance letter
00:44:22i knew the time had come to leave this house
00:44:24i packed my suitcase and bought a grey house ticket
00:44:27for the early dawn departure the next day
00:44:28the destination was pittsburgh
00:44:30then i walked to the door and placed my house key
00:44:32on the small entryway table
00:44:34i left the group chat and deactivated my old phone number
00:44:38the screen went dark
00:44:39the whole world suddenly became much quieter
00:44:44i pulled my suitcase open the door and closed it softly behind me
00:45:00on my birthday this house always treats it like any other day
00:45:04i thought turning 18 would be different
00:45:07that morning i got up early on purpose
00:45:09put on light makeup
00:45:11and sat on the living room couch to wait
00:45:13mom walked past me on her way out carrying chloe's dance bag
00:45:18heat up your own lunch
00:45:19i'm taking chloe to her intensive class
00:45:22dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard
00:45:25ethan called him to go play basketball at the park
00:45:28and the two of them left soon after
00:45:31at noon i was the only one left in the house
00:45:34i sent a message in the family group chat
00:45:36i'm 18 today
00:45:38no one replied
00:45:40this family celebrates everyone's birthday
00:45:43everyone's but mine
00:45:44because my parents only love my twin siblings
00:45:47ethan and chloe
00:45:48they don't love me
00:45:50when ethan wants a birthday party
00:45:52my parents book a private room at his favorite steakhouse a month in advance
00:45:56when it's chloe's turn and she wants to go to six flags
00:45:59the whole family goes
00:46:01mom even posts nine photos on instagram
00:46:03but on my birthday
00:46:05this house always treats it like any other day
00:46:07i thought turning 18 would be different
00:46:10that morning i got up early on purpose
00:46:13put on light makeup
00:46:14and sat on the living room couch to wait
00:46:17mom walked past me on her way out
00:46:19carrying chloe's dance bag
00:46:21heat up your own lunch
00:46:22i'm taking chloe to her intensive class
00:46:25dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard
00:46:29ethan called him to go play basketball at the park
00:46:32and the two of them left soon after
00:46:34at noon i was the only one left in the house
00:46:37i sent a message in the family group chat
00:46:39i'm 18 today
00:46:42no one replied
00:46:43at seven that night everybody came home
00:46:45no one sang
00:46:47no one felt like anything was missing
00:46:50i was 18 now
00:46:51at last i could decide for myself where i wanted to go
00:46:56mallory delete that message from the group chat
00:46:59i almost missed grandpa's voice message
00:47:01ethan didn't even look up
00:47:04he tapped the edge of his plate lightly with his dinner knife
00:47:08signaling mom to give him more ribs
00:47:12i looked down at my phone
00:47:14the message in the family chat
00:47:15i'm 18 today was still sitting there
00:47:18no one had replied
00:47:21mom came over with a plate of garlic bread
00:47:23and set it in the middle of the table
00:47:27all right
00:47:28no phones at dinner
00:47:31i looked at the food on the table
00:47:33ethan liked ribs
00:47:34chloe liked mac and cheese
00:47:36mom had made the salad for herself
00:47:39not a single dish was for me
00:47:40i liked seafood
00:47:43grilled salmon was my favorite
00:47:45i had said it so many times
00:47:47no one in this family remembered
00:47:51dad today
00:47:53dad set down his iced tea
00:47:55and glanced at me
00:47:57the next second he turned back to ethan
00:47:59how's your wrist from basketball this afternoon
00:48:02does the sprain still hurt
00:48:03it's okay
00:48:05shoot it aches a little when i shoot
00:48:06i'll take you to a sports therapist tomorrow
00:48:09my words died in midair
00:48:12i finished dinner quietly and went to wash the dishes
00:48:15i turned the faucet on high
00:48:19from the living room came the sound of chloe practicing ballet basics
00:48:22her toes landing against the floor one by one
00:48:25mom counted beats beside her
00:48:27ethan was playing xbox in his room shouting every few minutes
00:48:30dad was on the couch with his ipad
00:48:32everyone in this house had something of their own
00:48:35everyone had someone answering them
00:48:39except me
00:48:41i stood in the kitchen washing platelets and cups for five people
00:48:47the water was loud loud enough that even if i cried no one would hear
00:48:51after the dishes i went back to my room and shut the door
00:48:54my phone lit up it was a message in the class group chat
00:48:57it was the only happy birthday i had received all day
00:49:00from a classmate i had known for less than a year
00:49:02i replied thank you
00:49:04then i opened my photo album and kept scrolling back
00:49:07after i turned six mom's camera had almost completely turned toward them
00:49:11most of the photos were of them
00:49:13i scrolled for a long time before i finally found one
00:49:16it was from when i was nine and had entered the school speech contest
00:49:19mom had taken it from the audience
00:49:22the photo was blurry
00:49:23only half my body was in it
00:49:25because the other half of the frame was chloe in the front row
00:49:28turning back toward the camera with a bright smile
00:49:32i stood off stage in front of the microphone my face barely visible
00:49:37the phone screen dimmed and my face appeared in the black reflection
00:49:42eighteen-year-old mallory hayes had spent the whole morning putting on makeup
00:49:45waited all day and still hadn't gotten a single happy birthday mom's voice came from outside the door
00:49:53mallory wake your sister at seven tomorrow morning
00:49:57she has training at 8 30
00:50:01okay
00:50:04hey sis it's seven
00:50:06chloe had woken up on her own
00:50:07she stood in my doorway in a pink leotard her hair half tied
00:50:11i checked my phone
00:50:136 53 my alarm hadn't even gone off
00:50:17you got up by yourself
00:50:18yeah
00:50:19i set an alarm
00:50:21mom told you to wake me but i was afraid you didn't sleep well last night
00:50:26she said it so casually but the words still stung
00:50:29she knew i hadn't slept well last night
00:50:32i'll help you tie your hair
00:50:34no it's fine i can do it
00:50:39she turned and left
00:50:41chloe had always been like that with me
00:50:44she wasn't cruel she just wasn't close
00:50:48she called me sis but the word carried no weight
00:50:52the twins had their own rhythm and i had never been able to enter it
00:50:56at breakfast mom was warming milk for chloe
00:50:59ethan wasn't up yet
00:51:02mally have you eaten i have
00:51:05i hadn't she didn't even check whether there was a bowl i'd used on the table
00:51:10she just nodded chloe did you pack your water bottle it's hot today drink more water
00:51:16i did
00:51:18mally drive your sister there she still doesn't know the stops near the training center
00:51:22chloe had been going to that training center for two years
00:51:26mom still said she didn't know the way
00:51:30okay as we were leaving ethan finally got up and called from his doorway
00:51:35mom what's for breakfast i left you a bagel and yogurt on the table
00:51:40a bagel and yogurt ethan's regular breakfast
00:51:45no one had ever asked what i wanted in the morning on the way to the training center
00:51:50chloe sat in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone
00:51:54she wasn't trying to be cold it just never occurred to her to talk to me
00:52:01sis
00:52:02when she suddenly spoke my palm tightened on the wheel
00:52:08what that message you sent in the group chat yesterday ethan told you to delete it
00:52:13yeah
00:52:15did you
00:52:19no she nodded then lowered her head to look at her phone again i waited for a long time waiting
00:52:25for her to say happy birthday she didn't when we reached the training center she unbuckled her seat belt
00:52:32sis i'm here
00:52:33yeah train hard
00:52:36can you pick me up this afternoon i finish at five
00:52:38i have a study group this afternoon
00:52:41that was a lie i had nothing this afternoon i just didn't want to go
00:52:45then i'll ask mom to pick me up
00:52:47okay
00:52:48at 4 50 that afternoon mom sent a message in the family group chat
00:52:53chloe finishes training at five who can pick her up i'm in a meeting i'm at a friend's house
00:52:58mallory aren't you free this afternoon i looked at that message she started with who can pick her
00:53:04up but in the end it still landed on me it's on your way anyway right just go pick her
00:53:08up it
00:53:09wasn't on my way at all but in this family my road was always on the way my time was
00:53:13always free
00:53:15i typed okay and sent it then i turned my phone face down on the desk
00:53:21suddenly i wondered what would happen if one day i didn't reply with okay if i turned off my phone
00:53:29canceled my number and disappeared too would they first panic because no one could pick up chloe
00:53:35or would they think of me first i knew the answer when i picked chloe up her face was flushed
00:53:41from
00:53:41training and her hair was damp sis i'm thirsty where's your water bottle finished it i handed her
00:53:48the spare bottle of water in the car thanks sis on the way home she soon fell asleep against the
00:53:54window
00:53:54i adjusted the air conditionings so the car wouldn't be so cold she was the little princess
00:53:58everyone in the family revolved around and most of the roads i had driven through this city had been
00:54:03for someone else but not for much longer not long after the school college counselor called me into
00:54:09her office mallory hayes i saw your awards record honorable ments in the national math olympias that's
00:54:15impressive awards like that carry real weight which schools are you considering for early applications
00:54:20i'm still looking what do your parents think i haven't told them yet something this important and
00:54:26you're not discussing it with your family first i want to look into it myself first i knew that even
00:54:31if
00:54:31i told them no one would take it seriously on last month's mock examine i ranked third in the entire
00:54:36grade i took a photo of my report card and sent it to the family group chat my third place
00:54:39ranking
00:54:39stayed in the chat for only a very short while all it got from mom was one sentence not bad
00:54:43the next
00:54:44message was a video mom sent of chloe dancing that afternoon when i got home i found a dusty letter
00:54:49among a pile of bills and flyers on the coffee table it said congratulations mr and mrs hayes your
00:54:55daughter mallory hayes has received an honorable mention in the national high school mathematics olympiad
00:55:00two months had passed the envelope hadn't even been opened it was tucked between bills and pizza
00:55:04courons completely forgotten at dinner mom answered a facetime call from my aunt my aunt asked about
00:55:10ethan's swim meet mom said he had taken second place in the district pride filling her voice my
00:55:15aunt asked about chloe's dance competition mom said she had won gold at regionals and the judges had
00:55:20praised how steady she was off dyes how's mallory she's applying to college soon too right she's doing fine
00:55:28third in my grade a national math olympic award in mom's mouth all of it became doing fine i sat
00:55:34at
00:55:34the dining table still holding the award letter that had been forgotten for two months no one asked how
00:55:39i had been lately no one turned to me and said mallory what about you i went back to my
00:55:43room opened my
00:55:44laptop and started looking up colleges that would actually care about competition backgrounds in the
00:55:48end i stopped at carnegie melon hundreds of miles away from home no one would remember me only when they
00:55:53needed someone to pick up my sister i opened the application page my fingers hovered over the
00:55:58screen for three seconds before i finally closed it i decided to try one more time if they still
00:56:05couldn't see me this time i would leave completely
00:56:12mallory ashley is coming to stay with us for a while
00:56:16give her your room and share with chloe for now saturday morning mom said it casually
00:56:20while changing shoes by the door i was sitting at the dining table eating cereal my spoon stopped in
00:56:26midair why my room your room gets the best natural light ashley hasn't been feeling well lately and the
00:56:35doctor said more sunlight would be good for her ethan's room has a window too your brother is a boy
00:56:40ashley is a girl how could they share a room then let her stay with chloe chloe needs space to
00:56:45stretch
00:56:45at night your room only has a bed and a desk it's easy to clear out how long is she
00:56:49staying about half a
00:56:50month her summer program is over here i didn't argue anymore experience had taught me a long time
00:56:55ago that arguing was useless that afternoon ashley came in dragging two large suitcases smiling sweetly
00:57:04auntie uncle you're here you're here come in mom was so warm as if an important guest had arrived
00:57:12ashley pushed her suitcases into my room and looked around from the doorway auntie can this bookshelf be
00:57:18moved out i want to put a vanity mirror here of course mallory move the bookshelf out on my bookshelf
00:57:26were three years of notebooks reference books and a few certificates it took me an hour to move
00:57:32everything into a corner of chloe's room that night i laid a mattress on the floor of chloe's room
00:57:39sis why don't you sleep on the bed i'll sleep on the floor
00:57:43no the floor is fine ashley is actually okay don't be upset ashley was never what upset me
00:57:53what hurt was that in this house i was always the one expected to give way on the third day
00:58:00i went back
00:58:00to my room to get review materials and opened the door to find ashley flipping through my math
00:58:05competition notes these are yours your handwriting is so neat yeah please put them back i was just
00:58:11looking you're way too protective of this stuff she casually put the notebook back on the desk i glanced
00:58:16over and suddenly realized one was missing there was a blue one on the desk where is it i didn't
00:58:21touch it i didn't see it i searched for 10 minutes and finally found it in the trash can half
00:58:27the cover
00:58:27had been torn off and several pages inside were soaked with coffee the writing blurred into smears it was
00:58:32the problem-solving notebook i had been organizing since freshman year three years i only had that
00:58:37one copy ashley this oh maybe i knocked it over when i was carrying coffee just write another one i
00:58:42stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook my hands shaking
00:58:49i took the notebook back to chloe's room and dried it page by page with a hair brewer
00:58:55where the writing was blurred i slowly filled it back in with a pencil
00:59:02i worked until one in the morning the next morning ashley sat in my old seat chatting happily with
00:59:07mom no one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark or what had happened last night and
00:59:13i
00:59:13no longer needed to wait for that one last time from that day on i began preparing to leave until
00:59:19the
00:59:19day i received my acceptance letter i knew the time had come to leave this house i packed my suitcase
00:59:24and bought a gray house ticket for the early dawn departure the next day the destination was pittsburgh
00:59:29then i walked to the door and placed my house key on the small entryway table i left the group
00:59:33chat
00:59:34and deactivated my old phone number the screen went dark the whole world suddenly became much quieter
00:59:57but on my birthday this house always treats it like any other day i thought turning 18 would be different
01:00:04that morning i got up early on purpose put on light makeup and sat on the living room couch to
01:00:11wait
01:00:12mom walked past me on her way out carrying chloe's dance bag heat up your own lunch i'm taking chloe
01:00:18to
01:00:18her intensive class dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard ethan called him to go play basketball
01:00:26at the park and the two of them left soon after at noon i was the only one left in
01:00:31the house i sent
01:00:33a message in the family group chat i'm 18 today no one replied this family celebrates everyone's birthday
01:00:42everyone's but mine because my parents only love my twin siblings ethan and chloe they don't love me
01:00:48when ethan wants a birthday party my parents book a private room at his favorite steakhouse a month in
01:00:54advance when it's chloe's turn and she wants to go to six flags the whole family goes mom even posts
01:01:00nine photos on instagram but on my birthday this house always treats it like any other day i thought
01:01:07turning 18 would be different that morning i got up early on purpose put on light makeup and sat on
01:01:14the
01:01:14living room couch to wait mom walked past me on her way out carrying chloe's dance bag heat up your
01:01:20own
01:01:20lunch i'm taking chloe to her intensive class dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard ethan called him
01:01:28to go play basketball at the park and the two of them left soon after at noon i was the
01:01:34only one left in
01:01:35the house i sent a message in the family group chat i'm 18 today no one replied at seven that
01:01:43night
01:01:43everybody came home no one sang no one felt like anything was missing i was 18 now at last i
01:01:51could
01:01:51decide for myself where i wanted to go mallory delete that message from the group chat i almost missed
01:01:58grandpa's voice message ethan didn't even look up he tapped the edge of his plate lightly with his dinner
01:02:05knife signaling mom to give him more ribs i looked down at my phone the message in the family chat
01:02:14i'm 18
01:02:14today was still sitting there no one had replied mom came over with a plate of garlic bread and set
01:02:22it in
01:02:22the middle of the table all right no phones at dinner i looked at the food on the table ethan
01:02:32liked ribs
01:02:33chloe liked mac and cheese mom had made the salad for herself not a single dish was for me i
01:02:40liked
01:02:40seafood grilled salmon was my favorite i had said it so many times no one in this family remembered
01:02:49dad today dad set down his iced tea and glanced at me the next second he turned back to ethan
01:02:58how's your
01:03:03shoot it aches a little when i shoot i'll take you to a sports therapist tomorrow
01:03:07my words died in midair i finished dinner quietly and went to wash the dishes i turned the faucet on
01:03:15high
01:03:17from the living room came the sound of chloe practicing ballet basics her toes landing against
01:03:22the floor one by one mom counted beats beside her ethan was playing xbox in his room shouting every few
01:03:28minutes dad was on the couch with his ipad everyone in this house had something of their own
01:03:34everyone had someone answering them except me i stood in the kitchen washing platelets and cups for
01:03:43five people the water was loud loud enough that even if i cried no one would hear after the dishes
01:03:51i
01:03:51went back to my room and shut the door my phone lit up it was a message in the class
01:03:55group chat it was the
01:03:57only happy birthday i had received all day from a classmate i had known for less than a year i
01:04:01replied thank you then i opened my photo album and kept scrolling back after i turned six mom's camera
01:04:08had almost completely turned toward them most of the photos were of them i scrolled for a long time
01:04:13before i finally found one it was from when i was nine and had entered the school speech contest mom
01:04:18had
01:04:18taken it from the audience the photo was blurry only half my body was in it because the other half
01:04:24of
01:04:25the frame was chloe in the front row turning back toward the camera with a bright smile i stood off
01:04:31stage in front of the microphone my face barely visible the phone screen dimmed and my face appeared
01:04:38in the black reflection 18 year old mallory hayes had spent the whole morning putting on makeup waited
01:04:44all day and still hadn't gotten a single happy birthday mom's voice came from outside the door
01:04:52mallory wake your sister at seven tomorrow morning she has training at 8 30. okay
01:05:02hey sis it's seven chloe had woken up on her own she stood in my doorway in a pink leotard
01:05:08her hair half
01:05:09tied i checked my phone 6 53 my alarm hadn't even gone off you got up by yourself yeah i
01:05:18set an alarm
01:05:20mom told you to wake me but i was afraid you didn't sleep well last night she said it so
01:05:25casually
01:05:25but the words still stung she knew i hadn't slept well last night i'll help you tie your hair
01:05:32no it's fine i can do it
01:05:37she turned and left chloe had always been like that with me she wasn't cruel she just wasn't close
01:05:47she called me sis but the word carried no weight the twins had their own rhythm and i had never
01:05:54been
01:05:54able to enter it at breakfast mom was warming milk for chloe ethan wasn't up yet
01:06:01mallie have you eaten i have
01:06:03i hadn't she didn't even check whether there was a bowl i'd used on the table she just nodded
01:06:09chloe did you pack your water bottle it's hot today drink more water i did
01:06:16mallie drive your sister there she still doesn't know the stops near the training center chloe had
01:06:22been going to that training center for two years mom still said she didn't know the way okay as we
01:06:29were leaving ethan finally got up and called from his doorway mom what's for breakfast i left you a bagel
01:06:37and yogurt on the table a bagel and yogurt ethan's regular breakfast no one had ever asked what i
01:06:45wanted in the morning on the way to the training center chloe sat in the passenger seat scrolling
01:06:51through her phone she wasn't trying to be cold it just never occurred to her to talk to me
01:07:00sis when she suddenly spoke my palm tightened on the wheel
01:07:06what that message you sent in the group chat yesterday ethan told you to delete it yeah did you
01:07:17no she nodded then lowered her head to look at her phone again i waited for a long time waiting
01:07:23for
01:07:23her to say happy birthday she didn't when we reached the training center she unbuckled her seat belt
01:07:31sis i'm here yeah train hard can you pick me up this afternoon i finish at five i have a
01:07:37study
01:07:38group this afternoon that was a lie i had nothing this afternoon i just didn't want to go then i'll
01:07:44ask mom to pick me up okay at 4 50 that afternoon mom sent a message in the family group
01:07:51chat chloe
01:07:52finishes training at five who can pick her up i'm in a meeting i'm at a friend's house mallory aren't
01:07:58you free this afternoon i looked at that message she started with who can pick her up but in the
01:08:03end it still landed on me it's on your way anyway right just go pick her up it wasn't on
01:08:08my way at
01:08:08all but in this family my road was always on the way my time was always free i typed okay
01:08:14and sent it
01:08:15then i turned my phone face down on the desk suddenly i wondered what would happen if one day i
01:08:24didn't reply with okay if i turned off my phone canceled my number and disappeared too would they
01:08:31first panic because no one could pick up chloe or would they think of me first i knew the answer
01:08:37when i picked chloe up her face was flushed from training and her hair was damp sis i'm thirsty where's
01:08:44your water bottle finished it i handed her the spare bottle of water in the car thanks sis on the
01:08:51way
01:08:51home she soon fell asleep against the window i adjusted the air conditionings so the car wouldn't
01:08:55be so cold she was the little princess everyone in the family revolved around and most of the roads
01:09:00i had driven through this city had been for someone else but not for much longer not long after the
01:09:06school college counselor called me into her office mallory hayes i saw your awards record honorable
01:09:11ments in the national math olympias that's impressive awards like that carry real weight which schools
01:09:17are you considering for early applications i'm still looking what do your parents think i haven't
01:09:22told them yet something this important and you're not discussing it with your family first
01:09:27i want to look into it myself first i knew that even if i told them no one would take
01:09:31it seriously
01:09:32on last month's mock examine i ranked third in the entire grade i took a photo of my report card
01:09:36and sent it to the family group chat my third place ranking stayed in the chat for only a very
01:09:39short while all it got from mom was one sentence not bad the next message was a video mom sent
01:09:44of chloe dancing that afternoon when i got home i found a dusty letter among a pile of bills and
01:09:49flyers on the coffee table it said congratulations mr and mrs hayes your daughter mallory hayes has
01:09:55received an honorable mention in the national high school mathematics olympiad two months had passed the
01:10:00envelope hadn't even been opened it was tucked between bills and pizza curans completely forgotten
01:10:05at dinner mom answered a facetime call from my aunt my aunt asked about ethan's swim meet mom said he
01:10:10had
01:10:10taken second place in the district pride filling her voice my aunt asked about chloe's dance competition
01:10:15mom said she had won gold at regionals and the judges had praised how steady she was off dyes
01:10:21how's mallory she's applying to college soon too right she's doing fine third in my grade a national
01:10:28math olympic award in mom's mouth all of it became doing fine i sat at the dining table still holding
01:10:34the
01:10:34award letter that had been forgotten for two months no one asked how i had been lately no one turned
01:10:39to
01:10:39me and said mallory what about you i went back to my room opened my laptop and started looking up
01:10:44colleges that would actually care about competition backgrounds in the end i stopped at carnegie melon
01:10:48hundreds of miles away from home no one would remember me only when they needed someone to pick up
01:10:53my sister i opened the application page my fingers hovered over the screen for three seconds
01:10:58before i finally closed it i decided to try one more time if they still couldn't see me this time
01:11:05i would leave completely
01:11:10mallory ashley is coming to stay with us for a while
01:11:14give her your room and share with chloe for now saturday morning mom said it casually while changing
01:11:20shoes by the door i was sitting at the dining table eating cereal my spoon stopped in midair
01:11:29why my room your room gets the best natural light ashley hasn't been feeling well lately and the
01:11:34doctor said more sunlight would be good for her ethan's room has a window too your brother is a boy
01:11:39ashley is a girl how could they share a room then let her stay with chloe chloe needs space to
01:11:43stretch
01:11:44at night your room only has a bed and a desk it's easy to clear out how long is she
01:11:47staying about half
01:11:49a month her summer program is over here i didn't argue anymore experience had taught me a long time ago
01:11:53that arguing was useless that afternoon ashley came in dragging two large suitcases smiling sweetly
01:12:02auntie uncle you're here you're here come in mom was so warm as if an important guest had arrived
01:12:11ashley pushed her suitcases into my room and looked around from the doorway
01:12:15auntie can this bookshelf be moved out i want to put a vanity mirror here
01:12:20of course mallory move the bookshelf out on my bookshelf were three years of notebooks reference
01:12:27books and a few certificates it took me an hour to move everything into a corner of chloe's room
01:12:33that night i laid a mattress on the floor of chloe's room
01:12:37sis why don't you sleep on the bed i'll sleep on the floor
01:12:42no the floor is fine ashley is actually okay don't be upset ashley was never what upset me
01:12:51what hurt was that in this house i was always the one expected to give way on the third day
01:12:58i went
01:12:59back to my room to get review materials and opened the door to find ashley flipping through my math
01:13:03competition notes these are yours your handwriting is so neat yeah please put them back i was just looking
01:13:10you're way too protective of this stuff she casually put the notebook back on the desk i glanced over
01:13:15and suddenly realized one was missing there was a blue one on the desk where is it i didn't touch
01:13:20it
01:13:20i didn't see it i searched for 10 minutes and finally found it in the trash can half the cover
01:13:26had been
01:13:26torn off and several pages inside were soaked with coffee the writing blurred into smears it was the
01:13:31problem-solving notebook i had been organizing since freshman year three years i only had that one copy
01:13:36ashley ashley this oh maybe i knocked it over when i was carrying coffee just write another one
01:13:40i stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook my hands shaking
01:13:47i took the notebook back to chloe's room and dried it page by page with a hair broyer
01:13:54where the writing was blurred i slowly filled it back in with a pencil
01:14:00i worked until one in the morning the next morning ashley sat in my old seat chatting happily with mom
01:14:06no one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark or what had happened last night and i
01:14:11no
01:14:11longer needed to wait for that one last time from that day on i began preparing to leave until the
01:14:18day
01:14:18i received my acceptance letter i knew the time had come to leave this house i packed my suitcase and
01:14:23bought a gray house ticket for the early dawn departure the next day the destination was pittsburgh then i
01:14:28walked to the door and placed my house key on the small entryway table i left the group chat and
01:14:32deactivated my old phone number the screen went dark the whole world suddenly became much quieter
01:14:41i pulled my suitcase opened the door and closed it softly behind me
01:14:56but on my birthday this house always treats it like any other day i thought turning 18 would be
01:15:03different that morning i got up early on purpose put on light makeup and sat on the living room couch
01:15:09to
01:15:09wait mom walked past me on her way out carrying chloe's dance bag heat up your own lunch i'm taking
01:15:17chloe to
01:15:17her intensive class dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard ethan called him to go play basketball at the
01:15:25park and the two of them left soon after at noon i was the only one left in the house
01:15:30i sent a message in
01:15:32the family group chat i'm 18 today no one replied this family celebrates everyone's birthday everyone's
01:15:41but mine because my parents only love my twin siblings ethan and chloe they don't love me when ethan
01:15:48wants a birthday party my parents book a private room at his favorite steakhouse a month in advance
01:15:53when it's chloe's turn and she wants to go to six flags the whole family goes mom even posts nine
01:15:59photos
01:15:59on instagram but on my birthday this house always treats it like any other day i thought turning 18
01:16:06would be different that morning i got up early on purpose put on light makeup and sat on the living
01:16:12room couch to wait mom walked past me on her way out carrying chloe's dance bag heat up your own
01:16:19lunch
01:16:19i'm taking chloe to her intensive class dad was watering tomatoes in the backyard ethan called him to go play
01:16:27basketball at the park and the two of them left soon after at noon i was the only one left
01:16:33in the
01:16:33house i sent a message in the family group chat i'm 18 today no one replied at seven that night
01:16:41everybody
01:16:42came home no one sang no one felt like anything was missing i was 18 now at last i could
01:16:49decide for
01:16:50myself where i wanted to go mallory delete that message from the group chat i almost missed grandpa's
01:16:57voice message ethan didn't even look up he tapped the edge of his plate lightly with his dinner knife
01:17:05signaling mom to give him more ribs i looked down at my phone the message in the family chat
01:17:12i'm 18 today was still sitting there no one had replied mom came over with a plate of garlic bread
01:17:20and set it in the middle of the table all right no phones at dinner i looked at the food
01:17:29on the table
01:17:30ethan liked ribs chloe liked mac and cheese mom had made the salad for herself not a single dish was
01:17:37for
01:17:37me i liked seafood grilled salmon was my favorite i had said it so many times no one in this
01:17:45family
01:17:45remembered dad today dad set down his iced tea and glanced at me the next second he turned back to
01:17:56ethan how's your wrist from basketball this afternoon does the sprain still hurt it's okay shoot it aches
01:18:03a little when i shoot i'll take you to a sports therapist tomorrow my words died in midair
01:18:09i finished dinner quietly and went to wash the dishes i turned the faucet on high
01:18:16from the living room came the sound of chloe practicing ballet basics
01:18:19her toes landing against the floor one by one mom counted beats beside her ethan was playing xbox in
01:18:26his room shouting every few minutes dad was on the couch with his ipad everyone in this house had
01:18:31something of their own everyone had someone answering them except me i stood in the kitchen washing
01:18:40platelets and cups for five people the water was loud loud enough that even if i cried no one would
01:18:48hear after the dishes i went back to my room and shut the door my phone lit up it was
01:18:53a message in the
01:18:54class group chat it was the only happy birthday i had received all day from a classmate i had known
01:18:59for
01:18:59less than a year i replied thank you then i opened my photo album and kept scrolling back after i
01:19:04turned
01:19:05six mom's camera had almost completely turned toward them most of the photos were of them i
01:19:10scrolled for a long time before i finally found one it was from when i was nine and had entered
01:19:15the
01:19:15school speech contest mom had taken it from the audience the photo was blurry only half my body was
01:19:21in it because the other half of the frame was chloe in the front row turning back toward the camera
01:19:27with a bright smile i stood off stage in front of the microphone my face barely visible the phone
01:19:34screen dimmed and my face appeared in the black reflection 18 year old mallory hayes had spent the
01:19:41whole morning putting on makeup waited all day and still hadn't gotten a single happy birthday mom's
01:19:47voice came from outside the door mallory wake your sister at seven tomorrow morning she has training
01:19:55at 8 30. okay hey sis it's seven chloe had woken up on her own she stood in my doorway
01:20:06in a pink leotard
01:20:07her hair half tied i checked my phone 6 53 my alarm hadn't even gone off you got up by
01:20:14yourself yeah
01:20:16i set an alarm mom told you to wake me but i was afraid you didn't sleep well last night
01:20:23she said it so casually but the words still stung she knew i hadn't slept well last night
01:20:29i'll help you tie your hair no it's fine i can do it she turned and left chloe had always
01:20:39been like
01:20:40that with me she wasn't cruel she just wasn't close she called me sis but the word carried no weight
01:20:49the twins had their own rhythm and i had never been able to enter it at breakfast mom was warming
01:20:55milk for chloe ethan wasn't up yet mallie have you eaten i have i hadn't she didn't even check
01:21:05whether there was a bowl i'd used on the table she just nodded chloe did you pack your water bottle
01:21:10it's hot today drink more water i did mallie drive your sister there she still doesn't know the stops
01:21:18near the training center chloe had been going to that training center for two years mom still said she
01:21:24didn't know the way okay as we were leaving ethan finally got up and called from his doorway mom
01:21:32what's for breakfast i left you a bagel and yogurt on the table a bagel and yogurt ethan's regular
01:21:40breakfast no one had ever asked what i wanted in the morning on the way to the training center
01:21:47chloe sat in the passenger seat scrolling through her phone
01:21:51she wasn't trying to be cold it just never occurred to her to talk to me
01:21:59sis when she suddenly spoke my palm tightened on the wheel what that message you sent in the group
01:22:07chat yesterday ethan told you to delete it yeah did you
01:22:16no she nodded then lowered her head to look at her phone again i waited for a long time waiting
01:22:22for her to say happy birthday she didn't when we reached the training center she unbuckled her seat
01:22:28belt sis i'm here yeah train hard can you pick me up this afternoon i finish at five i have
01:22:36a study
01:22:36group this afternoon that was a lie i had nothing this afternoon i just didn't want to go then i'll
01:22:42ask mom to pick me up okay at 4 50 that afternoon mom sent a message in the family group
01:22:49chat chloe
01:22:51finishes training at five who can pick her up i'm in a meeting i'm at a friend's house mallory aren't
01:22:56you free this afternoon i looked at that message she started with who can pick her up but in the
01:23:02end it
01:23:02still landed on me it's on your way anyway right just go pick her up it wasn't on my way
01:23:07at all but
01:23:07in this family my road was always on the way my time was always free i typed okay and sent
01:23:13it then
01:23:14i turned my phone face down on the desk suddenly i wondered what would happen if one day i didn't
01:23:23reply
01:23:23with okay if i turned off my phone cancelled my number and disappeared too would they first panic
01:23:30because no one could pick up chloe or would they think of me first i knew the answer when i
01:23:36picked
01:23:36chloe up her face was flushed from training and her hair was damp sis i'm thirsty where's your water
01:23:43bottle finished it i handed her the spare bottle of water in the car thanks sis on the way home
01:23:50she
01:23:50soon fell asleep against the window i adjusted the air conditionings so the car wouldn't be so cold she
01:23:55was the little princess everyone in the family revolved around and most of the roads i had driven
01:23:59through this city had been for someone else but not for much longer not long after the school college
01:24:05counselor called me into her office mallory hayes i saw your awards record honorable ments in the
01:24:10national math olympias that's impressive awards like that carry real weight which schools are you
01:24:16considering for early applications i'm still looking what do your parents think i haven't told them yet
01:24:21something this important and you're not discussing it with your family first
01:24:25i want to look into it myself first i knew that even if i told them no one would take
01:24:29it seriously
01:24:30on last month's mock examine i ranked third in the entire grade i took a photo of my report card
01:24:34and
01:24:34sent it to the family group chat my third place ranking stayed in the chat for only a very short
01:24:38while all it got from mom was one sentence not bad the next message was a video mom sent of
01:24:42chloe
01:24:43dancing that afternoon when i got home i found a dusty letter among a pile of bills and flyers on
01:24:48the
01:24:48coffee table it said congratulations mr and mrs hayes your daughter mallory hayes has received an
01:24:54honorable mention in the national high school mathematics olympiad two months had passed the
01:24:58envelope hadn't even been opened it was tucked between bills and pizza curans completely forgotten
01:25:03at dinner mom answered a facetime call from my aunt my aunt asked about ethan's swim meet mom said he
01:25:09had taken second place in the district pride filling her voice my aunt asked about chloe's dance
01:25:13competition mom said she had won gold at regionals and the judges had praised how steady she was off
01:25:18dyes how's mallory she's applying to college soon too right she's doing fine third in my grade a national
01:25:27math olympic award in mom's mouth all of it became doing fine i sat at the dining table still holding
01:25:33the award letter that had been forgotten for two months no one asked how i had been lately no one
01:25:37turned
01:25:38to me and said mallory what about you i went back to my room opened my laptop and started looking
01:25:42up
01:25:42colleges that would actually care about competition backgrounds in the end i stopped at carnegie melon
01:25:47hundreds of miles away from home no one would remember me only when they needed someone to pick
01:25:51up my sister i opened the application page my fingers hovered over the screen for three seconds
01:25:56before i finally closed it i decided to try one more time if they still couldn't see me this time
01:26:03i would leave completely
01:26:09mallory ashley is coming to stay with us for a while
01:26:13give her your room and share with chloe for now saturday morning mom said it casually while changing
01:26:18shoes by the door i was sitting at the dining table eating cereal my spoon stopped in midair
01:26:27why my room your room gets the best natural light ashley hasn't been feeling well lately and the
01:26:32doctor said more sunlight would be good for her ethan's room has a window too your brother is a boy
01:26:37ashley is a girl how could they share a room then let her stay with chloe chloe needs space to
01:26:42stretch
01:26:42at night your room only has a bed and a desk it's easy to clear out how long is she
01:26:46staying about half
01:26:47a month her summer program is over here i didn't argue anymore experience had taught me a long time ago
01:26:52that arguing was useless that afternoon ashley came in dragging two large suitcases smiling sweetly
01:27:01auntie uncle you're here you're here come in mom was so warm as if an important guest had arrived
01:27:09ashley pushed her suitcases into my room and looked around from the doorway auntie can this bookshelf be
01:27:15moved out i want to put a vanity mirror here of course mallory move the bookshelf out
01:27:23on my bookshelf were three years of notebooks reference books and a few certificates it took me an hour
01:27:28to move everything into a corner of chloe's room that night i laid a mattress on the floor of chloe's
01:27:34room
01:27:36sis why don't you sleep on the bed i'll sleep on the floor no the floor is fine ashley is
01:27:43actually okay
01:27:44don't be upset ashley was never what upset me what hurt was that in this house i was always the
01:27:53one
01:27:53expected to give way on the third day i went back to my room to get review materials and opened
01:27:59the door
01:28:00to find ashley flipping through my math competition notes these are yours your handwriting is so neat
01:28:05yeah please put them back i was just looking you're way too protective of this stuff she casually put
01:28:11the notebook back on the desk i glanced over and suddenly realized one was missing there was a blue
01:28:16one on the desk where is it i didn't touch it i didn't see it i searched for 10 minutes
01:28:21and finally
01:28:22found it in the trash can half the cover had been torn off and several pages inside were soaked with
01:28:27coffee the writing blurred into smears it was the problem-solving notebook i had been organizing
01:28:31since freshman year three years i only had that one copy ashley this oh maybe i knocked it over when
01:28:37i was carrying coffee just write another one i stood in the doorway holding the drenched notebook my hands
01:28:42shaking i took the notebook back to chloe's room and dried it page by page with a hair broyer
01:28:52where the writing was blurred i slowly filled it back in with a pencil
01:28:59i worked until one in the morning the next morning ashley sat in my old seat chatting happily with mom
01:29:05no one asked why the circles under my eyes were so dark or what had happened last night and i
01:29:10no
01:29:10longer needed to wait for that one last time from that day on i began preparing to leave until the
01:29:16day i received my acceptance letter i knew the time had come to leave this house i packed my suitcase
01:29:21and bought a gray house ticket for the early dawn departure the next day the destination was pittsburgh
01:29:26then i walked to the door and placed my house key on the small entryway table i left the group
01:29:30chat
01:29:31and deactivated my old phone number the screen went dark the whole world suddenly became much quieter
01:29:39i pulled my suitcase opened the door and closed it softly behind me
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