00:07I'm James J. Marino, and I approve of this message.
00:11Hello, my name is James, and this is the story of how I went from human to something much, much
00:17more.
00:18It all started on November 14th.
00:21It was on this day that I was born, and I must admit, I was born at a very young
00:25age.
00:25Despite this youth holding me back, I was still able to find a vending machine in the hospital and take
00:31a quick swig of Dr. Pepper.
00:43For the first few years of my life, I didn't do much.
00:46Mostly just sat around playing Thor and drinking Dr. Pepper, until one day, when everything changed.
00:57My parents, James' dad, and James' mom, took me out to see the opera.
01:03Then, on our way out, they were robbed of their Dr. Pepper, and they were murdered by a radioactive spider.
01:09This made me somewhat unhappy.
01:11Luckily, there's nothing a cold bottle of fresh Dr. Pepper can't fix.
01:16Still, from that moment on, I was determined to get that radioactive spider and make it pay for what it
01:21did.
01:22Years passed.
01:24I grew old.
01:25Then I started high school.
01:28This was the most eventful part of my short life.
01:35Hello, Cyber League.
01:38Hello, James.
01:56Then I took a quick swig of Dr. Pepper again.
01:59It was at this very moment that I had a sudden realization that Dr. Pepper was the best thing to
02:05ever bless the earth.
02:07And I, James, had drank so much of it that I am now 92% Dr. Pepper.
02:13That means that I am 92% the best thing to ever bless the earth.
02:19And if I can get that number up to 100%, then I can become all-powerful.
02:24So then, after that realization, I sprinted to the nearest Dr. Pepper store and bought their entire supply.
02:31I tugged it all at once and became really powerful.
02:35I used all of that power to summon the spider,
02:38avenge my parents, kill God, bring peace to the world,
02:41and get free Dr. Pepper forever.
03:14We'll see you next time.
03:26Yeah, actually, everything in that was true as I wrote it in my biography, 23 Flavors of James.
03:31All of that happened, and it's true, and there's no lies,
03:35and I know that it happened because I was, it's my life, me.
