Harold Diddlebock  1947 - video Dailymotion

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Two decades after a game-winning touchdown and praise as a college football hero, the once hopeful Harold Diddlebock (Harold Lloyd) has been beaten down by the drudgery of office life. When Harold is fired by his egotistical boss, E.J. Waggleberry (Raymond Walburn), he wanders into a bar and orders a drink -- the first of his life. After the kindly bartender (Edgar Kennedy) invents a cocktail just for him, Harold goes on a wild binge, and his luck starts to change. #comedy #family #B&W

Transcript

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00:08:54Oh.

00:09:12Why don't you look where you're going?

00:09:14You'll find it.

00:09:15I'm very sorry.

00:09:19Well, I, uh, I should say, I do remember.

00:09:22I should certainly hope to kiss a pig if I didn't.

00:09:26Now, let me see.

00:09:27That was football, wasn't it?

00:09:28Or was it ice hockey?

00:09:29I go to everything.

00:09:30Football, Mr. Wagaberry.

00:09:31Football, of course.

00:09:33And I presume I promised you a job.

00:09:34I usually do when I get excited.

00:09:36Oh.

00:09:37But you shall have it.

00:09:39With me, your promise is a sacred pledge.

00:09:41My word is my bond.

00:09:42My handshake is like a certified check.

00:09:44My check is like a...

00:09:45He who loses honor loses everything.

00:09:48Right.

00:09:49We don't start people at the top, you understand.

00:09:51That would be too easy.

00:09:53We do it the American way.

00:09:55We give them an opportunity to work up from the bottom.

00:09:58What satisfaction.

00:10:00What a feeling of accomplishment you will have

00:10:02when you are able to look back from whatever rung of the ladder

00:10:05your, uh, go-gettiveness will have placed you upon and say,

00:10:08I, I did that.

00:10:10Yes, sir.

00:10:12Fine.

00:10:13You know nothing about the advertising business at all, I presume?

00:10:16Well, I, uh...

00:10:18Good!

00:10:18Then you won't have anything to unlearn.

00:10:20You'll be able to start right in the basement

00:10:23and your rise will be all the more spectacular.

00:10:26Every man is the architect of his own fortune.

00:10:29Excellent.

00:10:30I have ideas.

00:10:31You could almost say bursting with them.

00:10:34But contain them.

00:10:34Save them.

00:10:35Don't squirt them all out at once.

00:10:37The, uh, the idea department is a little congested at the moment.

00:10:40It always is for that matter.

00:10:42There never seems to be any shortage of, uh...

00:10:44Oh, but that would only depress you.

00:10:46I'll tell you what I'm going to do for you.

00:10:48I'm going to find you a little nook in the, uh,

00:10:51the bookkeeping department.

00:10:52A regular little niche.

00:10:54You could almost call it a cranny.

00:10:55The rest will depend upon you.

00:10:58Well, thank you very much.

00:10:59But these ideas...

00:11:00How I envy you this chance you're receiving today.

00:11:04My, my father unfortunately left me the business.

00:11:06Oh.

00:11:07Just one of those things.

00:11:08You have no personal fortune, I hope.

00:11:10Well, no, sir.

00:11:11I, uh...

00:11:12Great!

00:11:12And probably only the clothes you stand in.

00:11:14Well, not exactly.

00:11:15I mean, this isn't my other suit.

00:11:18Oh, isn't it?

00:11:18No, sir.

00:11:18Well, no matter.

00:11:20Clothes do not make the man.

00:11:21On the contrary, as Shaffner said to Marx,

00:11:24it's man who makes the clothes.

00:11:26Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

00:11:34ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

00:11:36ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

00:11:38ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

00:11:39ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

00:11:40ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

00:11:43ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

00:11:46ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

00:11:46ha

00:11:53Let's go.

00:12:16Let's go, sir.

00:12:43Mr. Djittledock.

00:12:45Yes, William.

00:12:46Mr. Boss, I'd like to see you.

00:12:48Oh, me?

00:12:49Oh.

00:12:51Either way.

00:13:26Come in.

00:13:47You want to see me, Chief?

00:14:13Yes, I'm sorry to say I do, Harold.

00:14:15Oh.

00:14:17How long have you been with us, little boss?

00:14:20About 20 years, I guess.

00:14:2122 years.

00:14:23Too long.

00:14:24Why, it seems like yesterday to me.

00:14:26I mean that I started here.

00:14:28Well, it was quite a few yesterdays ago.

00:14:29The earth has cooled considerably since you put on your first pair of sleeve protectors outside there.

00:14:35Yes, I guess it has.

00:14:37And so have you, Harold.

00:14:39So have you.

00:14:40I don't know exactly what you're talking about.

00:14:43I may be a little older, but I'm quite sure that I...

00:14:46I had great hopes for you, little boss.

00:14:47If ever I saw a promising type of American youth full of zing, full of zest, full of zowie, it

00:14:53was you.

00:14:53I remember that day I first saw you.

00:14:55The bases were full.

00:14:56The crowd was breathless.

00:14:57You strutted up to the plate swinging three bats at once.

00:15:01What?

00:15:02Oh, no.

00:15:03It was hockey, wasn't it?

00:15:04Ice hockey, of course.

00:15:05You got the puck.

00:15:07And it...

00:15:07It wasn't?

00:15:08Well, what does it matter anyway at this point?

00:15:10A man is only as young as his arteries, Harold.

00:15:13And a firm is only as young as its employees.

00:15:16My father fired anyone who got to be 50.

00:15:18Man, woman, or child, it didn't matter to him.

00:15:20That was his motto, the cornerstone of its success.

00:15:24Personally, I found the method harsh.

00:15:25I do not subscribe to it.

00:15:26With me, a man is as young as his ideas.

00:15:29Yes, sir.

00:15:31I even participated in, or at least closed my eyes to,

00:15:34a small deception some of the older employees practiced, when,

00:15:37because my father was extremely nearsighted,

00:15:40they dyed their hair and returned to work for us as their own sons.

00:15:43Blessed...

00:15:43Of course they are.

00:15:45Unfortunately for you, Harold, my own eyes are excellent.

00:15:48You have not only ceased to go forward, you have gone backward.

00:15:51You have not only stopped progressing, you have stopped thinking.

00:15:54You not only make the same mistakes year after year,

00:15:56you don't even change your apologies.

00:15:58You have become a bottleneck.

00:16:00You are the living proof of the low quality of work

00:16:03we demand of our employees,

00:16:05and a bad example to the younger employees

00:16:07who figure that if you can get away with it, they can too,

00:16:09and they don't have to be any better than you are,

00:16:11which is zero.

00:16:12What?

00:16:12There are no buts.

00:16:13I...

00:16:14I have bought you a Swiss watch, 18 carats at Chimes.

00:16:18It is properly inscribed with gratitude and love and kisses

00:16:22for 20 years, devoted service, and so forth and so forth,

00:16:25and I herewith present it to you.

00:16:27Here is also a check for $2,946.12,

00:16:34which represents your savings deposited with the company.

00:16:39I am surprised you haven't saved more in 20 years.

00:16:41I had a lot more, only it was invested in the preferred stock of the company,

00:16:45and you remember what happened in 1929.

00:16:48Oh, yes, yes, I remember.

00:16:49Of course, it was just as hard on all of us.

00:16:51You know, the little and the big we all shared and shared life,

00:16:54but that's all water under the bridge.

00:16:56Goodbye and good luck.

00:16:57And as a parting thought,

00:16:58I want you to know that this is hurting me much more than it is you, Harold.

00:17:02Much more.

00:17:03Thank you very much.

00:17:05Goodbye.

00:17:06Don't let it get you down.

00:17:18It was football.

00:17:20Huh?

00:17:21It was football I used to play.

00:17:39Sorry, Harold.

00:17:40Thanks.

00:17:41Like that in cash, please.

00:17:42What's the matter?

00:17:43Don't you trust us anymore?

00:17:45Once bitten, twice shy.

00:17:47I'll have to get it out of the safe.

00:17:48I'll bring it over to your desk.

00:17:49Thank you, Charlie.

00:17:50You better buy a wig.

00:17:51Huh?

00:17:52Why?

00:17:52You'll find out.

00:18:01Here you are, Harold.

00:18:04Thanks, Charlie.

00:18:08Justin Dorset.

00:18:28Thanks, Harold.

00:18:29So long, Charlie.

00:18:32Thanks, Harold.

00:19:16Thanks, Harold.

00:19:17Thanks, Harold.

00:19:31THE END

00:19:58Oh, might I speak to you a moment, Miss Otis?

00:20:01Certainly, Mr. Diddlebox.

00:20:03You mean privately?

00:20:04Well, with some privacy.

00:20:06I'd look for something on the private desk.

00:20:08I never find anything anywhere.

00:20:09Splendid. I'll join you in a moment.

00:20:32Miss Otis, uh...

00:20:33Yes, Mr. Diddlebox?

00:20:36Miss Otis, when...

00:20:38your eldest sister, Hortense,

00:20:40came to work here some 17 or 18 years ago,

00:20:43I fell in love with her.

00:20:44She was a lovely girl.

00:20:46Yes, I know.

00:20:46I mean that you fell in love with her.

00:20:48She told me.

00:20:49Oh, she swept me off my feet.

00:20:52My circumstances at that time

00:20:54did not permit even the contemplation of marriage.

00:20:56I know, she told me.

00:20:58When she very wisely stopped waiting for me

00:21:01and married the gentleman

00:21:02whose life she has since illuminated,

00:21:04I felt that my own life was ended,

00:21:06that I would never love again,

00:21:08that the sunshine had withdrawn permanently

00:21:11behind the clouds.

00:21:12I know.

00:21:13Well, I was mistaken.

00:21:14Of course.

00:21:14Because when your next eldest sister, Irma,

00:21:16came to work here,

00:21:17I fell even more deeply in love with her

00:21:19than I had with Hortense.

00:21:20I know.

00:21:21She told me.

00:21:22Hortense even got a little burned about it.

00:21:23Well, she needn't have

00:21:24because when Irma in her turn

00:21:26got married and was replaced

00:21:28by your next eldest sister, Harriet,

00:21:30I felt that everything that had gone before

00:21:33was merely an appetizer.

00:21:35I know.

00:21:36She told me, too.

00:21:37They were getting better and better.

00:21:39Your mother seemed to be making them nicer every year.

00:21:43I haven't come to you yet.

00:21:45When Harriet ran away

00:21:46with that headstone salesman,

00:21:47I was inconsolable.

00:21:49None of us felt very good about it.

00:21:50I was going to propose the very next day.

00:21:53She didn't know that.

00:21:54I had the ring in my pocket.

00:21:56I just made the last payment on it,

00:21:58the one I'd started for Hortense.

00:21:59You came so close.

00:22:01I never felt so defeated in my life.

00:22:03I never thought I'd smile again.

00:22:05You only met Margie.

00:22:06That's right.

00:22:07She was even better than the others.

00:22:10Mother had more practice.

00:22:11Practice makes perfect.

00:22:12By then, of course, I'd been wiped out in the market.

00:22:15Oh, was that it?

00:22:16She never knew.

00:22:17That's right.

00:22:18I started to get on my feet again

00:22:19when your sister Claire came to work.

00:22:22Why didn't you ask her?

00:22:23Didn't you like her?

00:22:24Like her?

00:22:26I worshipped her.

00:22:27Only that irresponsible lout,

00:22:29that loafer who married my sister,

00:22:31chose that very moment to kick the bucket with,

00:22:34to pass on without leaving even a dime's worth of insurance.

00:22:40So I found myself with a ready-made family.

00:22:43Poor Mr. Littlebock.

00:22:45I suppose you were in love with Rosemary, too,

00:22:47while she was here.

00:22:48Naturally.

00:22:48Of course, I was so in the habit of being in love

00:22:51with your mother's daughters,

00:22:52but then that it would be impossible for me

00:22:54to even see one without, without...

00:22:56Without what, Mr. Littlebock?

00:23:00I presume you know I've adored you

00:23:03since the first morning you punched your first time card.

00:23:07You knew it, didn't you?

00:23:09Well, I... I suspected it.

00:23:11My sisters had warned me.

00:23:12Of course.

00:23:15Imagine being exposed to seven Miss Americas

00:23:18and muffing the whole seven of them.

00:23:20Poor Mr. Littlebock.

00:23:22I'm leaving here today.

00:23:23Oh, no, Mr. Littlebock.

00:23:25That's what I really wanted to tell you.

00:23:26I don't know where I'm going,

00:23:27and I very probably won't see you again.

00:23:31So...

00:23:31I won't just take this.

00:23:33It's all paid for.

00:23:36Someday, when you meet some young man

00:23:39who's really worthy of you

00:23:41and who has everything but the engagement ring,

00:23:45you can take that excuse away from him anyway, and...

00:23:51Well...

00:24:15I don't see...

00:24:18You have to do that right.

00:24:18helemaal

00:24:18Well...

00:24:18I leave your room under my room.

00:24:18Well...

00:24:19I'll...

00:24:19It's going to be you.

00:24:20Because you can't try it.

00:24:20Well...

00:24:20Well, we ought to be waiting a chance.

00:24:35Oh, my God.

00:25:00Oh, my God.

00:25:22Confidentially, I left my money on the dresser this morning when I was leaving.

00:25:25You couldn't let me have $4 on, uh, uh, I say, you couldn't let me have four, four, you couldn't

00:25:33let me have $4 till Wednesday.

00:25:34That's my lucky day.

00:25:35There's a man called Futschower running at Belmont, and you don't have to go if you can't spare it.

00:25:39I just said if you happen to have $4 you wasn't using until Futschower come in.

00:25:43The fool and his money are soon parted.

00:25:44Yeah, but think what beautiful memories he lays up.

00:25:47How about $2 till tomorrow?

00:25:49He who lendeth money ended friendship.

00:25:52Well, that's all right.

00:25:53We ain't friends.

00:25:53I never even seen you before.

00:25:56Well, that's a fine argument.

00:25:57How about a quarter for a racing form?

00:25:59This is day before yesterday.

00:26:01Oh, here, since you're so melancholy about yourself.

00:26:04Fish hooks?

00:26:05What?

00:26:06I say, maybe you'll caught your mitt in some fish hooks.

00:26:09Holy Moses, Westerner, huh?

00:26:14Oh, here.

00:26:16What's the difference?

00:26:17Holy mackerel, you're a right guy.

00:26:19You stick to me, you'll be wearing rubies.

00:26:20No, I'm not.

00:26:21It's just that I've been saving it for 20 years, and I'm getting tired of it.

00:26:24It's what you call an impulse.

00:26:25Like a man works all his life in a glass factory,

00:26:28well, one day he feels like picking up a hammer.

00:26:32You say you work in a glass factory?

00:26:33No, I didn't say that at all.

00:26:35It's just, oh, well, you wouldn't understand.

00:26:37But you needed a drink.

00:26:39Oh, no, I never touch it.

00:26:40I never have.

00:26:41It runs in my family not to.

00:26:43The demon rums.

00:26:43I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

00:26:44Since you've been so generous and all with me.

00:26:46No, no, I tell you, I have never in my whole life.

00:26:48You're never too old to learn.

00:26:50You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

00:26:52Every dog is entitled to one bite.

00:26:54Let sleeping dogs lie.

00:26:55A barking dog never bites.

00:26:57He who sleepeth with dogs rises with fleas.

00:27:00Now, wait a minute.

00:27:01How about a little wine for thy stomach's sake,

00:27:04that's from the good book.

00:27:06He who has a taste is lost.

00:27:08Lipstick, touch liquor, shall never touch mine.

00:27:11Eat, drink, and be merry.

00:27:13The priest and the prophet have heard through strong drink.

00:27:16They are swallowed up of wine.

00:27:17They are out of the way through strong drink.

00:27:19They are in vision.

00:27:20They stumble in judgment.

00:27:21Isaiah 28.

00:27:23You've got me.

00:27:26What kind of a drink would you suggest?

00:27:29Nothing too strong, of course.

00:27:31How deep is your trouble, brother?

00:27:33How did you know I was in trouble?

00:27:35Well, I've been around quite a lot of them.

00:27:37I hear you.

00:27:39Did you ever hear of a Texas tornado?

00:27:41Not till this moment.

00:27:42Oh, you'll be surprised and amazed.

00:27:44Right this way.

00:27:46What?

00:27:46Come on.

00:27:47Wait a minute.

00:27:48Oh, come on.

00:27:49I shouldn't be doing.

00:27:50Sure.

00:27:50Down in there.

00:27:51I mean, I should.

00:27:52Oh, come on.

00:27:52All right.

00:28:00Don't flash that roll in here.

00:28:02I wouldn't want anything to happen to it.

00:28:03A wise man keepeth his old counsel.

00:28:05Fine.

00:28:06Come on.

00:28:14Come on.

00:28:15Come on.

00:28:25Good morning, gents.

00:28:27Good morning, Warby.

00:28:27What's your pleasure?

00:28:28Jake, I want you to meet my friend, Mr.

00:28:30He's taken me to a bankroll.

00:28:31Oh, Foley.

00:28:32He must be new around here.

00:28:33This calls for a little celebration, Mr.

00:28:35Uh, Diddlebock.

00:28:36Harold Diddlebock.

00:28:37Diddle what?

00:28:38Diddlebock.

00:28:39Bock is in beer.

00:28:40Oh, I thought you said Diddlebock is in Buckwheat Kate.

00:28:42No, I didn't.

00:28:44Brother Diddlebock, uh, back.

00:28:45What's the matter with me?

00:28:46Bock.

00:28:47Oh, yeah, Bock.

00:28:48He's in some kind of trouble.

00:28:49Who is it?

00:28:49He's about to have his first drink.

00:28:51His first drink?

00:28:52They've drowned my kittens.

00:28:53This is quite a moment.

00:28:54You mean his first this morning, or really his first ever and ever since he was weaned?

00:28:59I have never partaken.

00:29:00Now that I've had time to think about it, I don't...

00:29:02Yes, sir.

00:29:03You never know how the other half lived.

00:29:04You aroused the artist in me.

00:29:06It was just an impulse.

00:29:07Well, obey that impulse.

00:29:08Why don't you have a cigar?

00:29:09Have a cigar?

00:29:10Sir, I'd like to make you something.

00:29:14Hmm.

00:29:15Something you would remember.

00:29:16I wouldn't want anything.

00:29:18I mean, if I had anything at all.

00:29:19Nothing potent.

00:29:20You understand?

00:29:21Never feel it.

00:29:22I was thinking of a Texas tornado.

00:29:24Oh, not for an occasion like this for me.

00:29:26A tornado's a perfectly reliable commercial drink for conventions and hangovers and things

00:29:31like that.

00:29:32But this, this is almost, uh, is the word vestal?

00:29:36Huh?

00:29:37I mean, it ought to have organ music.

00:29:39I wouldn't want anything...

00:29:40I mean, opportunities like this come along all too rarely for a man with his heart and

00:29:44his work.

00:29:45Uh, tell me, Mr. Dittlebeck, about, uh, where were you born?

00:29:50Uh, up, Nebraska.

00:29:52Corn.

00:29:53In what year, please?

00:29:54Nineteen hundred and one.

00:29:56Fine, fine.

00:29:57They distilled some very palatable stuff in nineteen hundred and one.

00:30:01Well, let me see.

00:30:03Let me see, uh...

00:30:14I wouldn't do this for everybody.

00:30:16I wouldn't want you to.

00:30:17Hey, you leave it to me.

00:30:18You'll just leave it to him.

00:30:22Nineteen hundred and one.

00:30:24Nineteen hundred and one.

00:30:25A sort of meeting of old friends.

00:30:27Brothers under the stars.

00:30:29It ought to help your personalities to get together.

00:30:32Or don't you believe in astrology?

00:30:34I've never thought much about it.

00:30:36If you're making that for me...

00:30:37You believe in personalities.

00:30:38I suppose so.

00:30:39I...

00:30:39How about posterity?

00:30:41What?

00:30:41Posterity is just around the corner.

00:30:44Now, just a couple of technical questions.

00:30:46Would you like it frappe or flambé?

00:30:49How?

00:30:49Do you like ice skating or Turkish bears?

00:30:51I used to skate a little.

00:30:53Frappe.

00:31:07Now, would you like it sweet or sharp?

00:31:10I don't really...

00:31:10How do you take your coffee?

00:31:12I, uh, take milk.

00:31:13You've answered my question.

00:31:19You prefer showers or sits-bats?

00:31:21Well, we have a shower over the tub,

00:31:23but there's always a danger stepping on the soap.

00:31:25Vodka.

00:31:25What?

00:31:26With vodka, you don't care what you step on.

00:31:28You can step on snakes.

00:31:29Now, wait a minute.

00:31:30Now, just relax.

00:31:31One final question.

00:31:32Do you prefer the taste of rosemary or wormwood?

00:31:35Who or who?

00:31:36Do you like benedictine or absinthe?

00:31:38What?

00:31:39What kind of toothpaste do you use?

00:31:41Sosidone.

00:31:42I got you.

00:31:45I got you.

00:31:46If that's for me, you just leave it to him.

00:31:48What a scientist.

00:31:50Ain't that pretty?

00:31:51I wouldn't want anything to, uh...

00:31:53They call him the professor.

00:31:55You just leave it to him.

00:31:57Oh, boy.

00:31:58Gentlemen.

00:31:59The Dittelbock.

00:32:00Ain't he wonderful?

00:32:01A genuine genius.

00:32:03That's certainly very kind of you.

00:32:05Don't mention it.

00:32:06If you don't mind, I'll sample a mouthful with you.

00:32:09Well, I certainly hope you will after mixing up this much.

00:32:12The artist does not weigh his clay.

00:32:14You're of very good health, Mr. Dittelbock.

00:32:17Here, see you, Mr. Dittelbock.

00:32:26Ain't that something if I do say so myself?

00:32:29That's certainly very kind of you.

00:32:31I'm only sorry that you made so much of it.

00:32:35Certainly the last thing I ever expected

00:32:36was to have an alcoholic refreshment named after me.

00:32:40Very attractive aroma.

00:32:51Very mild.

00:32:52Nothing to it.

00:32:53I wouldn't say that.

00:32:54But it has always seemed to me

00:32:56that the cocktails should approach us on tiptoe,

00:32:59like a young girl whose first appeal is innocence.

00:33:03What a poet.

00:33:04Here's to innocence.

00:33:06Here's to the music.

00:33:07Bottoms up.

00:33:07Over your ears.

00:33:15Doggone if he didn't inhale, I'd like an expert.

00:33:17Welcome to the brotherhood.

00:33:18Is that all there is to it?

00:33:20You are now a member in full standing.

00:33:22That's very, very pleasant.

00:33:24Just a little dividend.

00:33:26Just a drop.

00:33:28You'd never guess that you'd make

00:33:30so many different flavors in it.

00:33:31Like a poem.

00:33:32I suppose there is some alcohol in this.

00:33:36I will not deceive you.

00:33:37There is.

00:33:38You'd never know it.

00:33:40That's where the skill comes in.

00:33:42What a scientist.

00:33:46There ain't hardly another mixer in town

00:33:48could do you a thing like that.

00:33:49Oh, boy.

00:33:58Lovely.

00:33:59Just like Delbert.

00:34:00What was that yelling?

00:34:01Did you hear something just there?

00:34:06To innocence.

00:34:08And still more innocence.

00:34:10What is...

00:34:11What is...

00:34:15...dancify with you, you know, just beginning and all.

00:34:18It ain't as if anyone ever drank a fiddle box before.

00:34:20You can't tell what it'll do to you.

00:34:22This lemonade.

00:34:26Shake up another batch of it. Shake up a bucket of it.

00:34:28Oh, wait a minute.

00:34:29What are you talking about?

00:34:33What are you looking at?

00:34:35Oh, maybe nothing.

00:34:36Hurry it up.

00:34:41What is that yelling I keep hearing?

00:34:45Say, is somebody strangling a horse around here?

00:34:48You know, I thought I heard something.

00:34:49Everything's under control, Mike.

00:34:51It was like a sneeze, and yet it wasn't like a sneeze.

00:34:54It was more like, uh...

00:34:57What's the matter?

00:34:58Uh, won't you have a little drink while you're here?

00:35:00No, thanks.

00:35:01Not while I'm on duty.

00:35:02The, uh, diddle-bock isn't really a drink.

00:35:04Diddle-what?

00:35:05It's just a little thing I invented in Brother Diddle-bock's honor.

00:35:08It's, uh, more like a fruit cup, really.

00:35:09A fruit cup with sex appeal.

00:35:11Thanks, just the same.

00:35:14Very fine fellow.

00:35:15One of the finest.

00:35:21There it is again.

00:35:23I could have sworn I heard something.

00:35:25I suppose I didn't hear nothing that time.

00:35:26I'm very glad you noticed it, because I did too.

00:35:29Yeah, don't tell me.

00:35:30I've been telling these boys about it, but they're not sure.

00:35:33To me, it sounded like a cross between a Mongolian lynx and a wounded moose.

00:35:37Have you ever hunted the Mongolian lynx?

00:35:39I have not.

00:35:40How about a wounded moose?

00:35:41Likewise.

00:35:42You're probably better off.

00:35:43Why don't you give the gentleman a drink instead of letting him stand there with his tongue hanging out?

00:35:46Look, before your tongue starts hanging out, you better lay off a couple of them diddlepots.

00:35:50A fine thing at 11 o'clock in the morning.

00:35:53Who's he talking to?

00:35:54You?

00:35:54Now, wait a minute.

00:35:55Every...

00:35:55Just a moment, officer.

00:35:57My friend may be small, but I want you to know that he's got a heart of gold.

00:36:01And I won't hear one word against him, you understand?

00:36:02When I was in the depths of desperation, the dregs of despair, who befriended me?

00:36:08Not E.J.

00:36:09Waggleberry and company.

00:36:11Not the fellow employees besides whom I toiled for 22 years and whose sharrows I seared.

00:36:16Who wouldn't?

00:36:16Not the Metropolitan Police Force whose salaries I have paid and whose uniforms I have purchased

00:36:22to keep them warm in winter, cool in summer, and fresh in all times.

00:36:26But yon, smolder befriended, when befriended matter nothing, you understand?

00:36:32You handle him.

00:36:33Ha!

00:36:34Ayoo!

00:36:36Wait a minute.

00:36:37I just saw it.

00:36:38So what?

00:36:39The fellow doing the yelling.

00:36:41He's hiding behind the post there.

00:36:42Probably an escape room to take.

00:36:43I don't see anybody, Mr. Diddlebock.

00:36:45What do you mean you don't see anybody?

00:36:47You can't see that old crackpot with the spectacles?

00:36:49Why, that's you, Mr. Diddlebock.

00:36:50Me?

00:36:51That old tramp?

00:36:52Why, that doesn't look anything more like me.

00:36:54Look at that collar.

00:36:55Looks like a horse collar.

00:36:56Oh, it ain't so bad, Mr. Diddlebock.

00:36:58How long have I been looking like this?

00:36:59You've always looked like that, Mr. Diddlebock.

00:37:01At least you've always looked like that, Mr. Diddlebock.

00:37:01At least ever since I've known you.

00:37:03Why, this is an outrage.

00:37:04Look at that old scarecrow.

00:37:05Look at that suit.

00:37:06Look at that hat.

00:37:07Look at that face.

00:37:08Oh, it ain't so bad as all that, Mr. Diddlebock.

00:37:11It's worse.

00:37:12Why wouldn't trust a face like that to empty a spit, too?

00:37:14Oh, yes you would, Mr. Diddlebock.

00:37:16Are you positive that's me?

00:37:18Two will get you 12.

00:37:19Then where is there a barber and a jet furnishing outfit?

00:37:22This is a calamity that must be repaired immediately.

00:37:26Right upstairs, Mr. Diddlebock.

00:37:28Only I'll...

00:37:28Only what?

00:37:29Don't you think you'd better sit down a little while for you?

00:37:31Sit down?

00:37:31Why should I sit down?

00:37:32Do I look tired?

00:37:33That's the trouble with the men of today.

00:37:35They don't endure.

00:37:36They have no stamina.

00:37:38Look at our forefathers.

00:37:40Look at Washington.

00:37:41Look at Valley Forge.

00:37:43Look at the pioneers.

00:37:44Then look at me.

00:37:46Hey, are you a barber?

00:37:48I'm looking for one.

00:37:48Yes, but excuse me.

00:37:49Is there a leopard loose in the building or something?

00:37:51Everything is under control.

00:37:55Men were men in those days.

00:37:57Here, buy yourself a new suit.

00:37:59You look terrible.

00:38:01They mined the earth and dug the rivers and tamed the wilderness

00:38:06and brought forth peaceful homesteads in the shadow of the eagle

00:38:10and the echo of the thundering herd.

00:38:13And in the final analysis, where are they?

00:38:16I ask you and I reply, dead my friends, deader than a boiled mackerel.

00:38:24I thank you.

00:38:27Are you all right?

00:38:28A barber in the chair.

00:38:29A barber in the chair.

00:38:30A barber in the chair.

00:38:32A barber in the chair.

00:38:33A barber in the chair.

00:38:33And the world is mine.

00:38:35A barber in the chair.

00:38:38You better remember what you put in that, so it won't happen again.

00:38:42What's the matter with this?

00:38:47Should all acquaintance be forgotten for the sake of auld lang syne?

00:38:56Now, if you'll just slip into this, Mr. Diddlebuck.

00:38:58That wouldn't be a little on the quiet side, would it?

00:39:00Yes, I think you're right.

00:39:01Hide not the light under a bush.

00:39:03You need a tent to hide that one.

00:39:05Well, then we'll try this little glen awkward plan.

00:39:07Look.

00:39:08Murder.

00:39:08Well, now, Mr. Diddlebuck indicated to me that he wanted something courageous.

00:39:12I made this for a dog act.

00:39:14I can hear it barking.

00:39:16Very clever.

00:39:17I bet they have to get up pretty early in the morning to catch you in bed.

00:39:21It's been tried.

00:39:22Uh-oh.

00:39:24Well, now, suppose we try this little pinstripe.

00:39:28Why?

00:39:29Well, we just thought, the young lady and I, that this was a smidgen on the loud side.

00:39:33A mild view.

00:39:34Oh, you did?

00:39:34It's the check within the check within the check that turns my stomach.

00:39:38Oh, it is.

00:39:38How true.

00:39:39Hello, Max.

00:39:40How depressingly true.

00:39:42Who's the toss-butt?

00:39:43That's my friend, Mr. Diddlebuck.

00:39:45Now, that would call for a waist measurement of about 32.

00:39:49Oh.

00:39:50Excellent.

00:39:51I'll be back in a flash, and you won't know yourself.

00:39:55Well, so long.

00:39:56Better luck, Max.

00:39:56Just a moment.

00:39:58Why are you giving that lowbrow your money?

00:40:00Lowbrow?

00:40:01Now, wait a minute.

00:40:02Now, here.

00:40:02Wait a minute.

00:40:02This is Max, the bookie's man.

00:40:05Don't you remember that goat I was betting on?

00:40:06This goat?

00:40:07Listen, Chester.

00:40:08No, no, no.

00:40:09Butcher, he lost.

00:40:10Why do you bet on goats?

00:40:11You want to bet on something?

00:40:12Bet on horses.

00:40:13They're rung faster.

00:40:14Yes, sir.

00:40:15You say this animal lost?

00:40:17Totally.

00:40:18I see.

00:40:19Well, now is the time to turn defeat into victory through a clever maneuver.

00:40:23Yes, sir.

00:40:24Now, who are the contestants in the next sprint?

00:40:26Let's see.

00:40:27Windipane.

00:40:28Butcher Boy.

00:40:28Senor Pepito.

00:40:30Oxnose.

00:40:30Pepper Pot.

00:40:31Crazy Maisie.

00:40:32Get a joy.

00:40:34These handles.

00:40:35Pulpit.

00:40:35Pulpit Caterpetl.

00:40:37And Emeline.

00:40:38Emeline?

00:40:38Did you say Emeline?

00:40:40Yeah, Emeline.

00:40:41Devoid of speed.

00:40:42Probable odds.

00:40:4330 to 1.

00:40:44Emeline was my mother's younger sister.

00:40:46You don't tell me.

00:40:47Oh, yes.

00:40:47She was a little shorter than mother, though.

00:40:49A little plumper, too.

00:40:50But a very pretty girl.

00:40:51That's remarkable.

00:40:53Avoid her like poison.

00:40:55She had the prettiest blue eyes.

00:40:57But she's 30 to 1.

00:40:59But no bookie pays more than 15 to 1.

00:41:02I'll take 15.

00:41:03Don't you understand what odds mean?

00:41:05I think so.

00:41:06They represent a difference of opinion.

00:41:08Right.

00:41:08Well, my opinion is Emeline.

00:41:10She must be a beautiful goat.

00:41:13I mean if she's...

00:41:13She's a horse.

00:41:14Oh, well, all the better.

00:41:16They run faster.

00:41:17I don't want to hurry, isn't I?

00:41:18But if anybody still wants to get her bet down.

00:41:21I get 15 to 1 for Emeline.

00:41:23Especially if she wins.

00:41:25$1,000.

00:41:26$1,000.

00:41:28$1,000.

00:41:29$1,000.

00:41:31You mean on the nose?

00:41:32Wherever you put it.

00:41:33Now, wait a minute.

00:41:34Take it easy, will you?

00:41:35Don't get excited.

00:41:35It's nothing but a symbol that costs practically nothing to print.

00:41:39There is no shortage of it at any time.

00:41:41Don't do that, Mr. Dittlebutt.

00:41:42You have to take chances in this life.

00:41:44Will you take a grand on Emeline?

00:41:46I hope you don't have to take those kind of chances.

00:41:4815 to 1.

00:41:49Don't do that, Mr. Dittlebutt.

00:41:49What do you mean to my plan?

00:41:50Nonsense.

00:41:51You didn't know Aunt Emeline.

00:41:52I've got the dough right here in my mitt.

00:41:54Here, put it in my mitt.

00:41:55Are you sure?

00:41:56Nonsense.

00:41:57I wish you would change.

00:41:57The die is cast.

00:41:59Of course, it ain't any of my business, but...

00:42:01You sure you don't want to think this over?

00:42:03Certainly not.

00:42:04When the iron is hot, strike.

00:42:05Marker, Joseph.

00:42:06Obey that impulse.

00:42:07Okay.

00:42:08It's your funeral.

00:42:09Okay.

00:42:10I tell you, I got it right here in my mitt.

00:42:14Can't you hear it?

00:42:16You made a bet.

00:42:17Maybe not.

00:42:17The best bet in the world, but a bet.

00:42:19They're off.

00:42:19I can hear the short wave.

00:42:21Senor Pepita going to the front by your head.

00:42:24Winterpane second.

00:42:25Crazy Maisie third.

00:42:26Put your boy fourth.

00:42:27And the pupo catapetal.

00:42:28Let me hear that.

00:42:29A thousand bucks.

00:42:30Keep quiet.

00:42:31Let me hear that, will you please?

00:42:33Around the chain.

00:42:34It's the tepidot in front by three quarters of a length.

00:42:37Winterpane a second by a head.

00:42:39Crazy Maisie straight by a head.

00:42:41Out the quarter, it's the winterpane by a head.

00:42:43And here we are, Mr. Diddlebox.

00:42:45I just brought a few accessories in case.

00:42:48The tepidot a second by a length.

00:42:50Very good.

00:42:50Now, if you just slip into these, Mr. Diddlebox.

00:42:53Would you mind glancing the other way, your dear?

00:42:56With pleasure.

00:42:57Oh.

00:42:58With your permission, Mr. Diddlebox.

00:43:00Richard Boy got through on the inside and is going to the...

00:43:02Crazy Maisie floated.

00:43:03She swearing to the butcher boy on the rail.

00:43:05That...

00:43:05Put the skin on her feet.

00:43:08All this noise.

00:43:11This one.

00:43:12By all means.

00:43:13Now, if you just slip your coat off, you could do it, right?

00:43:17Crazy Maisie ran wide and bit him.

00:43:19What?

00:43:19She's crazy.

00:43:20Now she's back at the rail in front by a length.

00:43:22And there we are.

00:43:24Very nice.

00:43:27It's crazy Maisie by a length.

00:43:29Peppito a second by half a length.

00:43:30There.

00:43:31No.

00:43:31The butcher boy's coming up.

00:43:31No.

00:43:32The butcher boy's coming up.

00:43:32No.

00:43:33Put your boy a second by a length.

00:43:37What?

00:43:38Here comes Emeline.

00:43:40Emeline!

00:43:41They're coming up.

00:43:42They come down the line.

00:43:44Head in head.

00:43:45It fills the suit.

00:43:46They kill each other.

00:43:47Here comes Emeline.

00:43:48It's a driving finish.

00:43:49Their nose is apart.

00:43:50They're going across the line.

00:43:51They're finished now and it's Emeline.

00:43:54Emeline!

00:43:55Put your boy a second by a length.

00:43:57And Crazy Maisie is straight in front of...

00:43:59And that...

00:43:59Is me.

00:44:01Emeline!

00:44:02Emeline wins!

00:44:03Hard dog!

00:44:42Wake up!

00:44:43Wake up!

00:44:43You nasty thing!

00:44:44A fine brother you turned out to be.

00:44:47I work and slave and give up the best years of my life to make you a home full of

00:44:51charming womanly touches and keep my children pure minded.

00:44:53And as a reward for all this you come rolling home at midnight in a condition which I for one...

00:44:59What so late about midnight?

00:45:00Yes.

00:45:01But where were you all day Wednesday?

00:45:03All day Wednesday.

00:45:04All day Wednesday.

00:45:05You were drunk.

00:45:06That's where you were.

00:45:07Drunk as as probably rolling in a gutter someplace.

00:45:09All day Wednesday.

00:45:11What are you talking about, Flora?

00:45:12I never had a drink in my life.

00:45:14Coming home on horseback.

00:45:15Horseback?

00:45:16Waking up all the neighbors.

00:45:17On horseback?

00:45:18And when old Mrs. Chauncey called out the window, the night was made for sleep, Mr. Biddlebock.

00:45:22You and your drunken friends had to holler back.

00:45:24The night was made for love, Mrs. Chauncey, or have you forgotten?

00:45:27I said that.

00:45:28Said it.

00:45:28You sang it.

00:45:29Where's my suit?

00:45:30Well, it came home in this thing.

00:45:35What is it?

00:45:36A horse blanket?

00:45:37It would look as good on a horse as it did on you.

00:45:39You mean I actually walked the streets in this?

00:45:41You rode horseback in the streets in it.

00:45:44I wonder if anybody saw me.

00:45:45Oh, no.

00:45:45Of course not.

00:45:46You probably didn't attract any more attention than Lady Godiva in Macy's window at noon.

00:45:50Form fit, Franklin, featuring the figure Phenomenal.

00:45:54Form fit?

00:45:55I wonder if I get my money back on it.

00:45:56You could try, but I doubt it.

00:45:58You might see what you can get on this while you're at it.

00:46:03Oh, take it off, will you?

00:46:05I feel bad enough as it is.

00:46:06And a fortune.

00:46:07I had thousands.

00:46:09I had all my savings in one big...

00:46:11Wait a minute.

00:46:12I had tens of thousands.

00:46:14You had tens of thousands.

00:46:16I tell you, I did.

00:46:16Where are my pants?

00:46:17Maybe you threw them out the window.

00:46:19I tell you, I had a fortune in them.

00:46:21You had a fortune in them.

00:46:22And where did you acquire this fortune, may I ask, if I'm not too inquisitive?

00:46:26Is there such a thing as a goat race?

00:46:28A goat race?

00:46:29No, I remember.

00:46:29It was Mother.

00:46:30You say Mother was racing somewhere?

00:46:32Worth a bee, that's right.

00:46:33Were there any other angels in the race?

00:46:35It was a horse race.

00:46:36You know what a horse is, don't you?

00:46:37What's the matter with you, Flora?

00:46:38First, I bet on a horse called Emmeline.

00:46:41You remember Aunt Emmeline?

00:46:42She won easily, naturally.

00:46:43Then I took the $15,000 I bet on Emmeline.

00:46:46$15,000?

00:46:47That's right.

00:46:47She paid $15 to one.

00:46:48I took the $15,000 I bet on Aunt Emmeline and vetted an...

00:46:52On Mother.

00:46:53On Bertha B.

00:46:54Bertha Birnhofer.

00:46:55You remember your old mother's name, don't you?

00:46:57Yes.

00:46:57And she won too, I suppose.

00:46:58Easily, I presume.

00:47:00You must be on the millions, you presume.

00:47:02I seem to remember a big fat man someplace where there was...

00:47:06Some very pretty girls dancing the tom-tom and slinging their garters around.

00:47:12Oh, I see it.

00:47:13This big fat man, big hearted mower, wasn't generous, Jake.

00:47:18He was always smiling.

00:47:19He had a big happy smile, like a shark.

00:47:21He had it right in his pocket for him.

00:47:22He said, all in cash.

00:47:23All he had to do was reach right in and pull it out.

00:47:25He said.

00:47:26That's right.

00:47:27But the government didn't want anybody to have that much in case.

00:47:30That was it.

00:47:30It wasn't patriotic.

00:47:32For him.

00:47:32That's right.

00:47:33When I said, I suppose, that's why they want you to put your money in bonds.

00:47:36He said, bonds, Brother Diddlebock.

00:47:38When they say bonds, they mean investments.

00:47:40And have I got an investment for you, Brother Diddlebock.

00:47:45And what was it?

00:47:47I don't remember.

00:47:48Well, I'll tell you what it was, Brother Diddlebock.

00:47:51It was a drunkard's dream.

00:47:53The horses were nightmares.

00:47:54And the money is just something you never had and they're never going to get, Brother Diddlebock,

00:47:58because you're just an old failure.

00:47:59So just get into your clothes and go down to the office and walk in as though nothing had ever

00:48:02happened,

00:48:03and probably you'll find nothing did happen.

00:48:05What about Wednesday, Flora?

00:48:06What was I doing all day Wednesday?

00:48:08Don't tell them you had a cold.

00:48:10They probably had drunks working for them before.

00:48:11I just don't believe it, Flora.

00:48:13If I could only find those pants.

00:48:20Oh, boy.

00:48:22Now you'll see whether it was a dream or not whether I never made any money or never will.

00:48:26Just feast your eyes on that.

00:48:43Well, that's certainly funny.

00:48:51Good morning, sir.

00:48:52Good morning.

00:48:56Shall I follow you, sir, or will you hop in now?

00:48:59You talking to me?

00:49:00By all means, sir.

00:49:01I said, shall I follow you or will you hop in now?

00:49:03Uh, just a moment.

00:49:04Why should I ride in that thing?

00:49:06Well, it's your cab, sir.

00:49:07You bought it last Tuesday.

00:49:09My cab?

00:49:10You mean including the horse?

00:49:12Most assuredly, sir.

00:49:13How else would we propel it?

00:49:15Well, what did I use for money?

00:49:17Why, you had tons of it, sir.

00:49:18And you were most generous and I spirited with it, too, if I may make so bold.

00:49:21I was.

00:49:23Positively, sir.

00:49:24Took me back to the good old days.

00:49:26It was a gorgeous spectacle.

00:49:28Why hardly anyone could render you a slight of service without you pressing a 50 or at least a 20

00:49:33into his eager hands.

00:49:34I almost thought once or twice you overdid it, sir.

00:49:37Excuse me.

00:49:38You didn't happen to notice what I did with any of that money, did you?

00:49:41Or even some of it?

00:49:42Oh, you were most free with it, sir.

00:49:44The women were at your feet, sir, if I may make so bold.

00:49:47They were.

00:49:48Prostrate, sir.

00:49:50Absolutely horizontal.

00:49:51The weaker sex simply adore a generous man, sir.

00:49:54Excuse me.

00:49:55You wouldn't like to buy this vehicle back in a bargain, would you?

00:49:57I could let you have it very reasonably, including the horse and the whole.

00:50:01But you've already paid me a must wages, sir.

00:50:04And you gave me to understand the position was permanent.

00:50:06I really hate to disappoint you, but wait a minute.

00:50:09You don't happen to know whether a horse called Bertha B-1 on Tuesday, do you?

00:50:13By all means, one rather easily, I believe, in 201.

00:50:16Then what did I do with it?

00:50:17You mean the kale?

00:50:18Yes.

00:50:19And where was I all day when?

00:50:21You mean where weren't we, sir?

00:50:23Oh, it was like the good old days.

00:50:25You'd say Algernon.

00:50:27Your name's Algernon.

00:50:28My name's Thomas, sir, but you had difficulty in remembering it.

00:50:31You called me Algernon James Macbeth, and even Othello once or twice.

00:50:36Excuse me, but...

00:50:37Morning, Mr. Gittlebox.

00:50:38I thought you'd be over there, but since you wasn't, I'd come over here.

00:50:41Morning, Hamlet.

00:50:42Good morning, Wormy.

00:50:43Now, before you do anything else, you've got to see about getting them some breakfast.

00:50:46Getting them some breakfast?

00:50:47They would like to have their breakfast immediately, if not sooner.

00:50:50Who would like to have their breakfast?

00:50:52The lions.

00:50:53You know anything about any lions?

00:50:55I rejoice to say I do not, sir.

00:50:57The lions that come with the circus.

00:50:59I've been out there for two days.

00:51:00What an aroma.

00:51:02Just what circus are you alluding to?

00:51:03Your circus.

00:51:04And it ain't no illusion.

00:51:06My circus?

00:51:07Who in heaven's name ever gave you the idea that I had a circus?

00:51:11Who ever gave me the idea?

00:51:13You sent me out to take care of it, didn't you?

00:51:15Right in the middle of the party, didn't you?

00:51:16Just when I'm getting in good with this big blonde, I gotta beat it out to Queens.

00:51:20Just in time for an elephant to squirt a bucket of ice water in my kisser.

00:51:23And for one of them cats to...

00:51:24Well, never mind.

00:51:25Where the how in heaven's name did I ever get a circus?

00:51:28Lucky Leopold gave it to you instead of the dough you won from him.

00:51:31While Bill Hitchcock lost his circus to him.

00:51:34Then I did win on Bertha B.

00:51:36Oh, sure.

00:51:36For all the good it done you.

00:51:37You said you had always won at his circus.

00:51:39I did.

00:51:40You did and you have.

00:51:41You sure got your wish.

00:51:42I see.

00:51:43And we have many hungry mouths to feed.

00:51:46Oh, we have.

00:51:46I was hoping it was just a small lion act or something.

00:51:49Maybe one lion and a couple of trained birds, maybe.

00:51:52One lion.

00:51:53I just mentioned the lions first because they were yelling the loudest.

00:51:56We got 37 lions.

00:51:5837?

00:51:59Yes, 37.

00:52:00We also got 14 tigers.

00:52:0214 tigers?

00:52:03That's right.

00:52:04Also seven bears, some odd jaguars, and a puma.

00:52:07A puma?

00:52:07And what a puma?

00:52:08That's the one...

00:52:09Look, we got horses.

00:52:10Shettling ponies.

00:52:11Never mind.

00:52:12Where'd you say this Noah's Ark is located?

00:52:14Over the bridge in Queens.

00:52:15Then what's the joker?

00:52:16Why did I get it?

00:52:17What's wrong with it?

00:52:18Oh, nothing except we ain't got no tent to give the show in.

00:52:20You got to have a fireproof tent and you can't get a fireproof tent.

00:52:24And we owe six months feed bill and four months back salary.

00:52:27And there's a plaster on every piece of rolling stock and a habeas corpus on the whole work.

00:52:39Now, how would you feel about repossessing your circus at a fraction of its original cost?

00:52:45I'd like to be 9,000 miles away from it, home in the arms of my mother.

00:52:50I see.

00:52:51I could make you an exceptionally attractive offer.

00:52:53You couldn't make me an attractive offer.

00:52:55Not if you got down your bended knees and threw in a set of dishes.

00:52:59I see.

00:52:59You don't, but you will.

00:53:01The only reason I hung around as long as I did and gambled away my steak was because they were

00:53:05so hungry.

00:53:06And you don't find many people takes pity on a lion.

00:53:09That's right.

00:53:09You got any idea how much meat a lion?

00:53:13Not a monarch of the jungle.

00:53:15Just a small, ordinary lion like a...

00:53:17Like a...

00:53:19Oh, like that one there.

00:53:20Come here, Jackie.

00:53:21What?

00:53:21Come here.

00:53:22Jackie.

00:53:22Come up here.

00:53:23You got any idea how much a lion eats per day?

00:53:26I...

00:53:27I...

00:53:27I haven't...

00:53:28The slightest idea.

00:53:3021 pounds per day.

00:53:33Quite, quite, quite, quite a pet.

00:53:35Yes.

00:53:36Like a kitten.

00:53:37Of course, you don't get any choice cuts.

00:53:40Just ordinary meat, but then they don't exactly give it away either.

00:53:44Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.

00:53:46What do you mean?

00:53:48Now you multiply 21 pounds per day by 37 lions, 14 tigers, and nine jaguars.

00:53:56And a pupuma.

00:53:58And a pupuma.

00:53:59Then you multiply that by 30 days by September, April, May, and November.

00:54:05June.

00:54:06Yeah, whatever it is.

00:54:08But all the rest have 31, and that means one more big deal.

00:54:12Except February alone, and they only eat 28 pounds.

00:54:15I see.

00:54:16Did you ever try selling them to a circus, Ringling Brothers?

00:54:23Did you ever try selling pills to Carter?

00:54:26Go on, wait, Jackie.

00:54:27Yes, how about offering some of them to a zoo?

00:54:30Well, they offered me some of theirs.

00:54:32You did, huh?

00:54:33Well, a circus must be really quite a white elephant.

00:54:36I'm glad you brought that up.

00:54:38Have you got any idea how much an elephant eats in, oh, say, a week?

00:54:42Hot or cold, rain or shine, 52 weeks a year regularly.

00:54:47I, uh, haven't the slightest idea.

00:54:49Well, not counting the peanuts, or the 150 pounds of bran, or the 200 pounds of oats, or the 50

00:54:56gallons of pure spring water they drink to wash it down with.

00:54:59Can your mind envision a ton of hay?

00:55:02A ton?

00:55:03A haystack.

00:55:04Of hay?

00:55:06Alfalfa.

00:55:06Why, that's impossible.

00:55:08It would die of indigestion.

00:55:09Nothing could eat a ton of hay.

00:55:10Well, an elephant can with ease.

00:55:12Now, let me tell you about the hippopotamus.

00:55:14The hippopotamus does not, as you might suppose, live on a diet of water.

00:55:18All right.

00:55:22The hippopotamus is all very nice, but where's the fish?

00:55:26Fish?

00:55:26Who wants fish?

00:55:27Oh, Mr. Dittleback.

00:55:28There's a few characters out here who would like to have a little word with you.

00:55:31Just a moment.

00:55:33We will speak for ourselves if it's all the same to you, my, uh, small friend.

00:55:37You, sir.

00:55:39This is indeed a great pleasure.

00:55:40Mr. Dittleback, isn't it?

00:55:41The pleasure's all mine, sir, madam.

00:55:43Ethically and morally, we are not responsible for the acts of our predecessor, but sometimes, technically, we are not responsible

00:55:48for the acts of our predecessor.

00:55:48Now, if you'll come this way and present your sacreds, one at a time.

00:55:53Very fun.

00:55:54And now, another.

00:55:55And now, another.

00:55:56Have you any more?

00:56:06How do you do?

00:56:07What is your trouble, young man?

00:56:09I happen to have some very hungry cats, and I was just wondering if your organization could help me out

00:56:14a little, just temporarily.

00:56:15Most certainly.

00:56:16We're here for that purpose.

00:56:17It wouldn't matter about the size of the cat.

00:56:20Not a particle.

00:56:21We mother all cats.

00:56:23Uh, that was the desire of our dear benefactor.

00:56:26Very handsome man.

00:56:27Well, that's certainly a relief.

00:56:28Now, have you one or plural cats?

00:56:30Plural.

00:56:31Excellent.

00:56:31The number, please?

00:56:3261, if you want to count that people.

00:56:34I beg your pardon?

00:56:35Uh, well, in the neighborhood of 60.

00:56:37It's quite a neighborhood.

00:56:39Well, you know how they multiply.

00:56:40Uh, there are ways of controlling that, you know.

00:56:43I don't want to sound cruel, but are you quite sure that being out of work and everything, you could

00:56:49afford to support quite so many of our dear little friends?

00:56:52Well, I'd be very happy to bring over a couple of wagons.

00:56:55Oh, not permitted.

00:56:56Or all too soon our little home would be overflowing.

00:57:00Especially with ours.

00:57:01We will go through for the distance.

00:57:02The important thing is that they're hungry, isn't it?

00:57:06Of course it is.

00:57:07So I'll just give you a requisition for, uh, you can fill it at the back door.

00:57:12For, shall we say, six bottles of milk?

00:57:17Oh, let's make an eight bottles of milk.

00:57:19And some nice, freshly chopped liver.

00:57:24About how much liver do you think your poor little darlings could manage?

00:57:30Well, uh, would about, uh, three tons be asking too much?

00:57:36Three tons?

00:57:38We could have took a couple of pounds of that liver.

00:57:41What for?

00:57:42For lunch.

00:57:42Ah, we gotta think along very much broader lines than that.

00:57:45This is a big problem.

00:57:47You're telling me.

00:57:48I used to solve problems all.

00:57:50A time when I was in college, trigonometry, calculus.

00:57:53But a time this would be.

00:57:54You know something?

00:57:55What?

00:57:56I don't think I've thought in years.

00:57:58No fooling.

00:57:59I'm always thinking.

00:58:00Always trying to figure an angle.

00:58:02That's because you have to.

00:58:03You haven't got security.

00:58:05You haven't got a job like I have.

00:58:06I mean like I have.

00:58:07Or you have to get up at the same time every day.

00:58:10Eat the same breakfast.

00:58:11Go to the office on the same car.

00:58:13Work on the same ledger all day.

00:58:15Then go home the same way you came to the office.

00:58:17Except backwards.

00:58:18Sure makes me dizzy to ride backwards.

00:58:20Doesn't take any thought to do all that.

00:58:22So you don't think anymore.

00:58:23Like you stop taking exercise.

00:58:25I sure hate exercise.

00:58:27I was even in love with the same girl all my life.

00:58:30Except in a different body.

00:58:31Same with me.

00:58:32I got to have change all the time.

00:58:34So long, Susie.

00:58:35Hello, Nellie.

00:58:36Hail and farewell.

00:58:38You know something else?

00:58:39What?

00:58:40You may have been right to fire me.

00:58:42Huh?

00:58:42I'm just an old has-been.

00:58:44What are you talking about?

00:58:45If ever I seen a live wire, a good time Charlie with a rubber off his roll,

00:58:48and a whistle for the game, why this little problem wouldn't have been no problem at all to you on

00:58:53Tuesday.

00:58:53Where there's a problem, there must be a solution.

00:58:56Where there's a mind, there must be thought.

00:58:58Do you follow me?

00:58:59Well, at a distance.

00:59:01Where there's a circus, there must be money.

00:59:03You said it.

00:59:04Now, where do you get money?

00:59:06Uh, Wall Street.

00:59:07Correct.

00:59:07And where in Wall Street?

00:59:08A bank.

00:59:09Correct again.

00:59:10And how do you get that money out of that bank?

00:59:12A hold up?

00:59:13No, no, no.

00:59:14By using your head.

00:59:15Nothing is impossible if you use your head.

00:59:17You can go through granite walls with your head.

00:59:20I nearly done it one time.

00:59:21I tried out a horse.

00:59:22It was a very quick stop.

00:59:24Baraboo.

00:59:24Huh?

00:59:25Baraboo, Wisconsin.

00:59:26A banker from Baraboo, Wisconsin.

00:59:28Uh-huh.

00:59:29The winter headquarters.

00:59:30The Ringling Brothers Circus.

00:59:31What's that got to do with it?

00:59:33What's that got to do with it?

00:59:34Any boy from Baraboo, Wisconsin naturally wanted to hang around a circus as much as they'd let him.

00:59:38All his spare time he was there.

00:59:40He'd carry water for the elephants, taking it down to the public library.

00:59:44He'd chop meat for the lions.

00:59:45He'd stuff hay in the hippopotamus.

00:59:47Naturally, he wanted to run away with a circus.

00:59:49Every American boy does.

00:59:53I see.

00:59:53That's a very clever piece of deductive reasoning, Mr. Diddlebacher.

00:59:56A very brilliant hypothesis.

00:59:57Just plain, but...

00:59:58Uh, you are interested in circuses, aren't you, Mr. Sergeant?

01:00:01Deeply.

01:00:02Splendid.

01:00:03Where did you develop your interest in circuses, Mr. Diddlebacher?

01:00:05I, uh, uh, dabble in circuses.

01:00:08You know, jump in, take a small profit, jump out.

01:00:11Ah, yes, it's that last part.

01:00:12That's the hard part.

01:00:13I, uh, might have wished that you were a true lover of circuses rather than just a traitor in them,

01:00:16but beggars can't be chosen.

01:00:18How true?

01:00:18And now, Mr. Sergeant?

01:00:19Sergeant Elephant, how soon would you be ready to take over my circus?

01:00:22Take over your circus?

01:00:23Well, time is of the essence, naturally.

01:00:24You must have found owning circuses before.

01:00:26But once you make a reminder that the score is one of them, the sooner the street is...

01:00:29Yes, but, uh...

01:00:29Oh, yes, it is.

01:00:30Perhaps I shouldn't tell you this, but you certainly came on the right day.

01:00:32I've just received my monthly fee bills.

01:00:34And I'm prepared to make you a genuine bargain.

01:00:36No, no, no.

01:00:36I'll meet you more than halfway.

01:00:38In fact, I'm willing to take a stupendous loss.

01:00:39I'll make you such a sacrifice.

01:00:41No.

01:00:41Oh, yes, I will.

01:00:42This is the end.

01:00:43By that way, you can acquire my circus in such a reasonable attempt that...

01:00:46You mean you can acquire my circus?

01:00:47That's right.

01:00:49Give that to me again?

01:00:50We got the circus, and you being fond of circuses, we thought naturally you'd be...

01:00:54That you could sell it to me?

01:00:55Uh-huh.

01:00:58I, uh...

01:00:58I knew this was too good to be true.

01:01:02I hate bankers.

01:01:04Why?

01:01:04Because they won't lend you any money like they're supposed to.

01:01:07Everybody hates them.

01:01:08Don't you hate them?

01:01:09I never thought much about it.

01:01:10Now, let's see.

01:01:11Why would a banker want to buy a circus?

01:01:14Take off his income tax?

01:01:15I don't think they pay income tax.

01:01:17At least you never see their names up very high on the list.

01:01:19They're leaving us to pay it firm.

01:01:21I hate bankers.

01:01:22Could he be sorry for the animals?

01:01:24A banker?

01:01:25What we need is an argument.

01:01:27What we need is some meat.

01:01:29That'll come.

01:01:30Now, why would you buy a circus if you were a banker?

01:01:33I wouldn't.

01:01:34Even if you could afford it?

01:01:35I can say not.

01:01:36Pooey.

01:01:37Why, I would.

01:01:38I guess maybe that's why I bought one.

01:01:40I was always going to buy a circus when I got rich.

01:01:43You sure bought one.

01:01:44Keep it in the poorest part of town.

01:01:46Let all the kids in for nothing.

01:01:48All year round.

01:01:49Just to see their faces.

01:01:51You get awful tired of that whiff.

01:01:53Wait a minute.

01:01:53You say everybody hates bankers?

01:01:56Naturally.

01:01:56There you are.

01:01:57Huh?

01:01:58Nothing to it.

01:01:59Where's there another bank?

01:02:00They're all banks.

01:02:01Then come on.

01:02:02What happened?

01:02:02We just sold a circus.

01:02:04Huh?

01:02:08James R. Smokin' Company.

01:02:10James R. Smokin' Company.

01:02:11Morning, gentlemen.

01:02:11Morning.

01:02:12Is Mr. Smokin'?

01:02:13We'd like to smoke him out.

01:02:14We'll go inside, Wormy.

01:02:15You got an appointment?

01:02:16We'll make an appointment.

01:02:18What do you want to see him about?

01:02:19An investment.

01:02:20Of what?

01:02:20What's at your business?

01:02:22Well, go ahead.

01:02:22I'm not stopping you.

01:02:24There are plenty of people inside for that.

01:02:25Go on and try it.

01:02:26Big mug.

01:02:27Big mug.

01:02:27Come on, Wormy.

01:02:28I hate bankers.

01:02:40Well?

01:02:41Listen, you.

01:02:43We...

01:02:45We didn't figure this out far enough.

01:02:47You've got to figure these things out to the bitter end.

01:02:49What you'll do, then what they'll do.

01:02:51Then what you'll do after that, then what they'll do.

01:02:53Then what you'll do after that.

01:02:54Then what you'll do after that.

01:02:55It's like...

01:02:56Do you play chess?

01:02:56No.

01:02:57I don't either.

01:02:57Maybe if you wore the other suit and the big Kelly...

01:03:00What for?

01:03:00To frighten them?

01:03:01No.

01:03:02What we need is an open sesame.

01:03:04Well, no way we can dig up a couple of blackjacks.

01:03:06No, no, no.

01:03:07What we need is a rule.

01:03:08Oh.

01:03:09Did you ever hear of the Trojan horse?

01:03:11Where was he running?

01:03:12Forget it.

01:03:12There's nothing that succeeds like success.

01:03:15No.

01:03:15Like thought.

01:03:16With thought you can penetrate granite walls.

01:03:19Right, big mug.

01:03:21All we need, then, is a thought.

01:03:23But that goes all the way through.

01:03:24Right.

01:03:24That don't stop at the bitter end.

01:03:26Right.

01:03:26You and your little brother.

01:03:27Never mind that.

01:03:30There's nothing to it.

01:03:31What?

01:03:32We'll be in jail by 3.30?

01:03:33Huh?

01:03:34Out again by a quarter to five?

01:03:35Huh?

01:03:36I've got it.

01:03:37Absolutely and beyond question.

01:03:39It cannot fail.

01:03:41What is it this time?

01:03:42We've just sold the circus, that's all.

01:03:43Again?

01:03:44Right.

01:03:44Come on.

01:03:45Must you go?

01:03:46We'll be back.

01:03:47You'll find out, you big stiff.

01:03:49Right.

01:03:50Right.

01:03:51Since you have repeatedly failed to clean up this matter,

01:03:54despite numerous warnings from me,

01:03:56which I was in no way obligated to show.

01:03:59Which we were in no way obligated to show.

01:04:03We are reluctantly forced to inform you

01:04:07that we will have to take over your building.

01:04:11As of the...

01:04:14Oh!

01:04:17Oh!

01:04:18Oh!

01:04:20Oh!

01:04:21Oh!

01:04:22Oh!

01:04:27Oh!

01:04:28Oh!

01:04:30Oh!

01:04:33Oh!

01:04:35Oh, jeez!

01:04:39Ah!

01:04:39Oh, dear.

01:04:40Oh!

01:04:45Oh!

01:04:50Oh, dear!

01:04:51Oh!

01:04:52Oh, dear.

01:05:09I hope we're not intruding.

01:05:15Mr. Smoke, I presume?

01:05:17I wonder if I could have a few moments of your valuable time.

01:05:21Mr. Smoke, I presume?

01:05:22Mr. Smoke, I presume?

01:05:23Where are you, Mr. Smoke?

01:05:24Now, wait a minute, Jackie.

01:05:38Will you, will you take that b-b-bash that they got out of here?

01:05:42You wouldn't hurt a butterfly, Mr. Smoke.

01:05:44Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

01:05:45Give the gentleman your paw, Jackie.

01:05:49Here, give Mr. Smoke a drink.

01:05:51It's nothing.

01:05:53It's called the Dilma.

01:05:57I have only a few moments before the police reserves arrive,

01:06:00so I will be extremely brief.

01:06:02As you know, Mr. Smoke, you are loathed by everything.

01:06:06Why?

01:06:07Because you are a banker.

01:06:09I am here to repopularize you overnight

01:06:11through the medium of the James R. Smoke year-round

01:06:13pre-circus for children.

01:06:14Adults, 55 cents.

01:06:16Remember that the richest man in the world

01:06:18spent millions to become popular.

01:06:19I will make you popular overnight and for nothing.

01:06:22Yes, sir.

01:06:23There's only one circus in the world for sale.

01:06:25Why, Jackie?

01:06:26I have it.

01:06:27The James R. Smoke year-round pre-circus for children.

01:06:30Adults, 55 cents.

01:06:31The price is $30,000.

01:06:33I will leave you with that thought.

01:06:35My name is Dittlebuck.

01:06:36You can locate me through the papers.

01:06:38Good day.

01:06:39Come on, Jackie.

01:06:41Come on, boy.

01:06:43Good day.

01:06:45What?

01:06:46As in fare.

01:06:48Uh.

01:06:49You know.

01:06:49You don't...

01:06:50Oh.

01:06:53Uh.

01:07:01Whoa, whoa, whoa.

01:07:02Quidditch.

01:07:03Come with me, Deixaugh.

01:07:05Hello, Gavin, давайте.

01:07:08Hold this, minimally.

01:07:10Bye.

01:07:11Yes, sir.

01:07:14Julius Margoff, year-round free service for children.

01:07:17Remember those words.

01:07:18Add those 55 cents.

01:07:19As you know, Mr. Margoff, you are abominated by everybody.

01:07:24And my plan is to make you have a pop.

01:07:26Here, have a drink.

01:07:26It's nothing.

01:07:27Stand back, Mr. Wild Animal.

01:07:28Stand back, Mr. Wild Animal.

01:07:29Stand back, Mr. Wild Animal.

01:07:30Ha!

01:07:31Yee-hee.

01:07:32Get up, Jackie.

01:07:34Have a girl.

01:07:35As you know, Mr. Blackson, you are despised, reviled,

01:07:38and detested by all normal human beings.

01:07:40My plan is to undo this.

01:07:42Wait, wrong to the medium of the Jeremiah T. Blackson

01:07:44year-round free service for poor children.

01:07:46Add those 55 cents.

01:07:47Drop that gun.

01:07:48Here, have a drink.

01:08:04I'm sorry we had to break in only like this,

01:08:06but I want you to know about the McDuffie year-round free service

01:08:09for poor children.

01:08:09Add those 55 cents.

01:08:11Add those 55 cents.

01:08:11As you know, Mr. McDuffie.

01:08:12Just a minute, young man.

01:08:14What are you being playing in here without being announced?

01:08:16What you got there, dog?

01:08:17He don't smell nice.

01:08:18Why don't you give him a bath?

01:08:20Now, get out of here before I ring for the janitor.

01:08:22Now, if I can never find that, Mr. Bell,

01:08:24and have you escort to the street pronto.

01:08:26Go on out now.

01:08:27The McDuffie Circus would make you very popular.

01:08:29I don't want to be popular.

01:08:31I don't like nobody, and nobody likes me.

01:08:33If it's all right with him, it's all right with me.

01:08:35Here, have a drink.

01:08:35Certainly, that's the one thing I do like.

01:08:38The McDuffie Circus will probably make...

01:08:40Very nice.

01:08:40Man's only friend.

01:08:42Now, get that dog out of here.

01:08:44I hate dogs.

01:08:45Shoe robber.

01:08:46Go on, get out.

01:08:47Get out now.

01:08:48Where are you?

01:08:49Get out of here now.

01:08:50I can smell you, but I can't.

01:08:56No, no.

01:08:57Hey, Jackie.

01:08:59Look out for Jackie.

01:09:00Here, Jackie.

01:09:01Here, Jackie.

01:09:02Now, look what you've done.

01:09:04Here, Jackie.

01:09:06Here, Jackie.

01:09:08Here, Jackie.

01:09:09Here, Jackie.

01:09:09Quick, quick, quick, quick.

01:09:10Here, Jackie.

01:09:11Here, Jackie.

01:09:12Here, Jackie.

01:09:16What are you trying to do?

01:09:19beispielsweise.م

01:09:20Jackie. Here.

01:09:24Here,

01:09:32Jackie. Here,

01:09:33Jackie. Here,

01:09:36Jackie. Here,

01:09:37Jackie. Come on.

01:09:38Come on,

01:09:39Oppi. Whoa. Go

01:09:45on,

01:09:46Happy

01:09:57Come on, take it.

01:09:59Come on, come on.

01:09:59Are you ready?

01:10:10Come on, Jaggi!

01:10:13Come on!

01:10:14Come on, Jaggi!

01:10:14Come on, Jaggi.

01:10:29We'll go in there, take him in through the end window.

01:10:32All right.

01:10:33Stay back, boy.

01:10:34No!

01:10:35It's not.

01:10:37Try the other one.

01:10:38All right.

01:10:39No, Jackie.

01:10:43Try this one over here.

01:10:45All right.

01:10:45Here.

01:10:46Come on.

01:10:47Keep right in there, boy.

01:10:49Quiet, now.

01:10:50Stay right.

01:10:52It's locked, too.

01:10:53Huh?

01:10:53I'll try the other one.

01:10:54Right.

01:10:55Right there.

01:10:56Keep quiet, boy.

01:10:57Oh!

01:10:59Mr. Dilma!

01:11:00No!

01:11:01Hand!

01:11:01Don't do something.

01:11:02Here.

01:11:03Get back, boy.

01:11:04Give me your hand, now.

01:11:05Look out.

01:11:05Hey!

01:11:07No, no, no!

01:11:09Please.

01:11:09Wait a minute.

01:11:10Come on.

01:11:10Hold my hand.

01:11:11Look out!

01:11:12What are you doing?

01:11:13Hey!

01:11:14Hey!

01:11:15Hey!

01:11:16No, no, no, no!

01:11:17What's the matter with you?

01:11:19It's enough.

01:11:20Get back there.

01:11:21Now I drop my glasses.

01:11:23Oh!

01:11:23All right.

01:11:24I'll buy you another pair.

01:11:25They were only from the dime store,

01:11:27but it took me three weeks to pick them up.

01:11:29Where are you?

01:11:30Never mind.

01:11:31Get out!

01:11:32Get out!

01:11:34Mr. Dilma!

01:11:35Oh!

01:11:36No!

01:11:37Mr. Dilma!

01:11:38What are you trying to do here?

01:11:40You don't see the...

01:11:41I'm just...

01:11:42Careful, now.

01:11:42No!

01:11:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:11:43Ah!

01:11:45No!

01:11:45Hang on.

01:11:46No!

01:11:47No!

01:11:48No!

01:11:50I'll show you how to open the whistle.

01:11:52Wait a minute!

01:11:52Don't frighten Jackie!

01:11:53You don't frighten that easy.

01:11:55This is one time I thought the thought all the way through.

01:11:57Get back, Jackie!

01:11:58And I'll get him going over that precipice again.

01:12:01Now, shh!

01:12:03Hey!

01:12:04Stay there, Jackie, now.

01:12:05Now be quiet, Jackie.

01:12:07That's a nice old iron.

01:12:08Only be a second now.

01:12:11Only be a second now.

01:12:12Be careful, boy.

01:12:14Oh, no, what's wrong for heaven's sake?

01:12:23Be careful, Jackie.

01:12:24Please, stay back there now.

01:12:26Stay still.

01:12:27What's the matter with you?

01:12:28Be careful.

01:12:29I want to cut your arm off.

01:12:31I thought I told you not to make any noise.

01:12:34How can you throw a telephone show or a black glass window

01:12:37without making any noise?

01:12:39You saw it through two-play glass windows.

01:12:41Oh.

01:12:42What a mess.

01:12:44Can you see them?

01:12:45There's a good old Jackie.

01:12:47There's a good boy.

01:12:48Oh, dear.

01:12:49There's a good old Jackie.

01:12:50There's a boy.

01:12:51Just let me get you.

01:12:54Have you got a hold of me?

01:12:55Right by that coach.

01:12:56Hang on now.

01:12:57I'll get a change.

01:12:57I got you.

01:12:58Why, Jackie, get your tail out of the way now.

01:13:00Hang on.

01:13:01Now, baby.

01:13:02Easy.

01:13:03No, no, no.

01:13:04No.

01:13:05Hang on.

01:13:06Come on, Mr. Gilbert.

01:13:07No.

01:13:08Get out of me.

01:13:09Quiet, Jackie.

01:13:10I almost.

01:13:11It looks like you have to get me in your finest.

01:13:20Jackie.

01:13:22You all right now?

01:13:24One minute.

01:13:24Now, take it.

01:13:25All right, Jackie.

01:13:26I can't.

01:13:29We're at the edge now.

01:13:31No, no.

01:13:32Where are you?

01:13:35I got you.

01:13:35I better get out of my foot.

01:13:37No.

01:13:37Now, quiet now.

01:13:38Yeah.

01:13:39Are you all right?

01:13:40Oh, just a minute.

01:13:41Yeah?

01:13:41You got a hold of me?

01:13:42Yeah, I got you.

01:13:43Now, hang on.

01:13:45I got it.

01:13:46I got it.

01:13:46Oh, no.

01:13:48I see.

01:13:48Show the, uh, archer.

01:13:50Show the tail up from around Jackie's.

01:13:52The chain from up around Jackie's bed.

01:13:53I see.

01:13:54Now, have you got a good hold of me?

01:13:55Just a minute now.

01:13:56Hang on.

01:13:57What?

01:13:58What's the matter?

01:13:58Yeah.

01:13:59I'll show you.

01:14:00Oh, God.

01:14:01If I only had my glasses.

01:14:03OK, now, hang on.

01:14:04I got you.

01:14:04Here I go.

01:14:05I got you.

01:14:06I can't see you holding me.

01:14:08I got you in a death strip.

01:14:09You got me some dollars.

01:14:11You betcha.

01:14:11Here I go now.

01:14:12Be careful now, Mr. Dillman.

01:14:14I got it.

01:14:15I got a good hold of me.

01:14:17Sure, I got you.

01:14:18But why is your voice so far away when your cootails are right here?

01:14:22What?

01:14:23What?

01:14:25What?

01:14:26Wormy!

01:14:26Help me!

01:14:27Help!

01:14:28Help!

01:14:30Help!

01:14:30Wormy!

01:14:31Wormy!

01:14:32Wormy!

01:14:33Mr. Dillman!

01:14:33Hurry!

01:14:34Somebody help me!

01:14:37No, Jackie!

01:14:38Give me your help!

01:14:40Give me your help!

01:14:41Where are you?

01:14:43Where are you?

01:14:43Help me!

01:14:44I'm going to get to your box!

01:14:46Help!

01:14:46Here I am!

01:14:47Way over here now!

01:14:48Over where?

01:14:49Jack, I'm cunt!

01:14:50Go!

01:14:50Do something Wormy!

01:14:52I'm doing something!

01:14:52I'm way over here, Wormy!

01:14:53No, Jackie!

01:14:54I'm cunt!

01:14:55I'm cunt!

01:14:56No!

01:14:57Hurry up, Bill!

01:14:58Oh!

01:14:59Mr. Dillman!

01:15:01Mr. Dillman!

01:15:02Hurry up, Wormy!

01:15:04Hurry up, Wormy!

01:15:04Ty!

01:15:05Have you got him?

01:15:06Come on, boy!

01:15:07Have you got him, Bill?

01:15:09No!

01:15:10Ah!

01:15:11Can you reach me?

01:15:12I'll get something!

01:15:13Hurry up, do something!

01:15:14Do something!

01:15:15Where are you?

01:15:16I can get a hold of me.

01:15:19Dr. Derry!

01:15:20Derry!

01:15:20He's got everything!

01:15:22Ah!

01:15:24Everything!

01:15:25Derry!

01:15:26Mr. Dillman!

01:15:28Hold on a minute!

01:15:29Come on, Jack!

01:15:30Come on, Jack!

01:15:31Come on, Jack!

01:15:32Come on, Jack!

01:15:34Look out there!

01:15:35Help!

01:15:35Oh!

01:15:36Oh!

01:15:37Now, hold on, Jack!

01:15:41Oh!

01:15:41Now, I got you!

01:15:42Now, I got you!

01:15:43Now, what are you doing?

01:15:43Wait a minute!

01:15:44I'll push them out!

01:15:54I'll push you off!

01:16:03Help!

01:16:04Help!

01:16:04I'll push your foot over the top.

01:16:07Mr. Dillman!

01:16:09Help!

01:16:10Help!

01:16:10Come on, Joe!

01:16:13Get on the floor.

01:16:14Put it.

01:16:26Get up.

01:16:28Get down.

01:16:30Get up.

01:16:32Get up.

01:16:33Get up.

01:16:37Be careful.

01:17:10Oh!

01:17:11Don't do it!

01:17:14Oh!

01:17:27Oh!

01:17:29Oh!

01:17:35Oh!

01:17:36Mr. Little Bart!

01:17:46Help!

01:17:47Get him!

01:17:52Come here, Captain.

01:17:55Oh, boy.

01:17:58Oh, boy, Jack.

01:17:59Good old Jack, yeah, good old Jack.

01:18:02Was this one of the plans?

01:18:04No, there was something out of it.

01:18:06Oh, boy, am I glad something was out of it.

01:18:09Oh, boy, are you sure he's all right, Wormy?

01:18:11Are you all right?

01:18:13Are you all right?

01:18:14Good.

01:18:36Well, look out, hang on, help, hang on, what's the matter with you?

01:18:46I'm sorry.

01:18:48I ain't never going to be this time again.

01:18:51Oh, boy, is this nice in here.

01:18:54Thought you didn't like jail.

01:18:55This is the first time I ever appreciated one.

01:18:58So cozy, so solid.

01:19:00Don't they build them nice.

01:19:02Well, we'll be out of it pretty soon.

01:19:04No hurry.

01:19:05Salad.

01:19:08We got to get over this, you know.

01:19:10That wasn't part of the plan at all.

01:19:11You're telling me.

01:19:13Now, let's see.

01:19:14I said that we'd be in jail by 3.30.

01:19:17We are, and I love it.

01:19:18And out again by a quarter to five.

01:19:20We ain't, and it's all right with me.

01:19:22Good old Jackie, did you stick your neck out?

01:19:26They ought to be here with certified checks.

01:19:28Who?

01:19:28The bankers.

01:19:29They have to come with certified checks.

01:19:31There's nothing in this world as strong as a good idea.

01:19:34Never has failed, never will fail.

01:19:36It cannot fail.

01:19:37The thought is planted.

01:19:38One more second.

01:19:39They could have planted us, too.

01:19:41Can you imagine watching a trapeze act?

01:19:43Oh, and the cop.

01:19:46Who?

01:19:47The bankers.

01:19:47Now, you just watch.

01:19:49You tend to be indifferent.

01:19:50You're right.

01:19:51You're right.

01:19:51Right.

01:19:52Right.

01:19:58Young lady bailed you out.

01:20:00A young lady?

01:20:01The bankers' secretary.

01:20:03He sent her over.

01:20:04Come on.

01:20:24I'll be in touch.

01:20:35I'll do it.

01:20:35I'll thank you for hours, but I'm not in the slightest trouble.

01:20:38This is all part of a plan, a foolproof plan.

01:20:40That cannot fail.

01:20:41That cannot fail.

01:20:43Oh, I thought you were in trouble.

01:20:45Far from it.

01:20:45Do I look as if I were in trouble?

01:20:48Now, you didn't have to see any bankers downstairs on your way up here, did you?

01:20:51No, I didn't, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:20:52Only a colored man.

01:20:53What was he doing?

01:20:54Mopping the floor except the sergeant.

01:20:55They've had plenty of time to get here.

01:20:57At least one of them should have come to steal a march on the others.

01:20:59They must know where I am.

01:21:01The paper says exactly.

01:21:02The Battery Park Police Station.

01:21:04You didn't have any trouble finding me, did you?

01:21:06I didn't see the papers, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:21:08Your coachman came and got me.

01:21:14Why, there's life, there's hope, sir.

01:21:16And while you was acrobatic-ing this afternoon, I would figure they might so.

01:21:20Thanks.

01:21:27I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:21:29I don't know exactly what you're disappointed about.

01:21:31But maybe you could get arrested some other time,

01:21:33if that's what you're trying to do.

01:21:35Well, that's that.

01:21:36But I just can't understand it.

01:21:39Come on, Wormy.

01:21:40We'll take Miss Otis home anyway.

01:21:42That's about all we have to offer.

01:21:45And we'll come back and get Jackie in.

01:21:48I'd be glad to go back in jail, Miss Otis,

01:21:50if it would get you your savings back.

01:21:53Don't talk nonsense, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:21:55Don't be depressed.

01:21:56The day is always dark and so-

01:21:57I know, just before the cyclone.

01:22:01Say, what's the Battery Park Police Station doing on Canal Street?

01:22:05The Battery Park Police Station, too?

01:22:07Yes, that's where the paper said I was.

01:22:09Oh, they couldn't take you in.

01:22:10There wasn't room.

01:22:11Some roisterous of some kind got in ahead of you.

01:22:13Oh, they didn't like lions or something.

01:22:15Then where is the Battery Park Police Station?

01:22:17Why, in Battery Park, sir, naturally.

01:22:19And what are you waiting for?

01:22:21Get in.

01:22:22You see what I told you?

01:22:23Hot dog, let's go!

01:22:25Woo-hoo!

01:22:26Let's go, Miss Otis!

01:22:42Woo!

01:22:46Quiet!

01:22:47Did anybody see any bankers around here?

01:22:49Yeah!

01:22:50I'm here!

01:22:51There!

01:22:54Oh!

01:22:55I've been here, Jeff!

01:22:57What you're saying?

01:22:58What a car!

01:22:59I'll take it!

01:23:00I won't take it!

01:23:02Can it?

01:23:03I won't take it!

01:23:04You got it?

01:23:05I won't take it!

01:23:08Why?

01:23:16There's no big hope for them.

01:23:31Oh, love him.

01:23:35Come on!

01:23:37Come on!

01:23:38Come on!

01:23:44Oh, my God.

01:23:44Come on!

01:23:45Hey!

01:23:45Oh!

01:23:47Come on!

01:24:09You feel better now?

01:24:12Air would do you good.

01:24:14That's very kind of you.

01:24:17Oh, yes, this is my cab, isn't it?

01:24:20What a day.

01:24:21Say, was I hanging off a line from a building, or should I have a nightmare?

01:24:25I'm afraid you did, Mr. Dittlebox.

01:24:27I mean, hang off the building.

01:24:28But I really wish you wouldn't anymore, now that it isn't.

01:24:30You wish I wouldn't.

01:24:32I mean, now that you're a member of the firm and everything.

01:24:34What firm is that?

01:24:35Well, Waggleberry and Company, where you always work.

01:24:37You say I'm a...

01:24:38But of course you are.

01:24:39Mr. Waggleberry said that Sergeant's Free Circus idea was the best advertising idea he'd heard of since Brody jumped off

01:24:44the bridge.

01:24:45And then when you got the accountant on...

01:24:46You say Sergeant bought the circus?

01:24:48Oh, no.

01:24:49He already had a circus of his own.

01:24:50Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey bought your circus.

01:24:53Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey?

01:24:54You mean for money?

01:24:55They certainly didn't buy it for peanuts.

01:24:57But I thought that there were some bankers.

01:24:59Weren't there some bankers who wanted it or something?

01:25:01Oh, yes, but they didn't want it as much as Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey wanted it.

01:25:04They just wanted it for the Free Circus idea, which Mr. Sargent already had, which made you a member of

01:25:08the firm.

01:25:09But Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey really wanted it.

01:25:11The bankers never got any higher than $150,000.

01:25:15$150,000?

01:25:16That's right.

01:25:16But when Ringling Brothers don't like something, they really don't like it.

01:25:19They don't like...

01:25:20They don't like Free Circuses.

01:25:22$175,000 worth they don't like them.

01:25:25$175,000.

01:25:26I'm so happy for you, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:25:28I mean so much happening in such a short time.

01:25:31I'm very proud of you, too.

01:25:33You must be terrible intelligent.

01:25:35I beg your pardon, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:25:38$175,000.

01:25:39That's right.

01:25:40You see, it's written...

01:25:43It's written twice.

01:25:45Oh, you're wearing it.

01:25:47The engagement ring.

01:25:48I remember now.

01:25:51$175,000.

01:25:52How beautiful it looks on your little hand.

01:25:56$175,000.

01:25:57I...

01:25:57I see.

01:26:12What's the matter, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:26:14It ought to be the happiest day of my life.

01:26:16You expected a job.

01:26:18You expected money.

01:26:19But it isn't.

01:26:21Funny, isn't it?

01:26:22I'm not quite sure I understand, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:26:24What's so difficult to understand about it?

01:26:26I just said that I'm very happy for you.

01:26:28If I didn't say it, I meant it.

01:26:29I've just made a killing in circuses.

01:26:31I am, you tell me, a member of a large advertising firm.

01:26:35And I don't know how much per year.

01:26:36If ever I could afford to support a...

01:26:39It's now.

01:26:39And once again, I've just lost one of the little girls in the world.

01:26:42The last one.

01:26:43I am naturally delighted.

01:26:45Excuse me for even thinking like this.

01:26:47Now, if you tell me where you live, I'll take you home.

01:26:50You mean you don't remember, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:26:51Remember what?

01:26:52What is there for me to remember?

01:26:53What I want to do is to learn how to forget.

01:26:55Remember that you're married.

01:26:56Remember that I married you.

01:26:57How's that again?

01:26:58I said, don't you remember marrying you, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:27:01Marrying you, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:27:02How could I possibly remember marrying you, Mr. Diddlebock,

01:27:04in the first place your name is, Mr. Diddlebock,

01:27:06and the second place...

01:27:07You mean you don't remember coming out to Flatbush

01:27:08in the middle of the night with a full orchestra?

01:27:10Flatbush!

01:27:11And waking up the whole neighborhood

01:27:12while you told Mother it was about time

01:27:13you did something about one of her daughters

01:27:15and then wrapping me in a long velvet cloak

01:27:17that turned out afterwards to be a window curtain

01:27:19and then galloping all the way back to New Jersey.

01:27:21I'll bet you, Ellis, I'm...

01:27:23Are you sure of your facts, Miss Otis?

01:27:25Am I sure?

01:27:26Really, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:27:27This is terrible, Miss Otis.

01:27:29I'll never forgive myself if I live to be

01:27:31to be on indifference and our age alone is.

01:27:33I mean to say not that I don't worship

01:27:35the very ground you walk on,

01:27:36but I mean looking at us together.

01:27:38I must have been out of my mind.

01:27:40I was out of my mind.

01:27:41Why didn't you resist me, Miss Otis?

01:27:43Because you were irresistible.

01:27:45Irresistible, irresistible.

01:27:46My grandmother's poodle, I mean to say look at me.

01:27:49I'm looking at you, Miss Otis.

01:27:50What do you see?

01:27:51My husband.

01:27:52Your husband.

01:27:53Piffle, bunk, sentimental, drip grab.

01:27:55Fortunately, there's still time to rectify this nonsense,

01:27:58this miscarriage of a...

01:27:59We'll have it a no for you.

01:28:01I don't think that would be practical, Miss Otis.

01:28:03All right.

01:28:04Then you can go to Reno or any place else that you like.

01:28:06At least I can afford it now.

01:28:08What do you mean it wouldn't be practical?

01:28:09I'll always be glad to look after you

01:28:11as generously and as well as I know how.

01:28:14Anything that I have is yours, Miss Otis.

01:28:17Everything I have is yours, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:28:20And I'll tell you something else, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:28:22I'm not going to Reno or any place else

01:28:24because you see, Mr. Diddlebock,

01:28:26it took you so long to make up your mind

01:28:28and join our family

01:28:29that now that we have you,

01:28:30we don't think we'd better ever let you go.

01:28:32But my dear Miss, Mrs.

01:28:34And I'll tell you something else, Mr. Diddlebock,

01:28:36but you also haven't bothered to ask me.

01:28:39I love you, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:28:42My dear Miss Otis, I, I, my dear child.

01:28:46Oh, my dear.

01:29:03That must be what I was doing all day Wednesday.

01:29:07Yee-haw!

01:29:07Oh, my dear Miss Otis, I, my dear child.

Harold Diddlebock 1947

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