- 2 days ago
A raucous parody of horror films and teen sex comedies, predating the Scary Movie franchise by nearly two decades, director Greydon Clark's (Joysticks) WACKO features a mind blowing ensemble cast including Joe Don Baker (Goldeneye, Fletch), Stella Stevens (The Poseidon Adventure), George Kennedy (Charade), Charles Napier (The Blues Brothers, Supervixens), Julia Duffy (The Doctors) and Andrew Dice Clay in his first feature film role!
Plot: Mary Graves' older sister was murdered on a Halloween night prom by a power-mowing maniac. Since then, Mary keeps seeing little lawnmowers everywhere. Now, it is the new Halloween prom - and the pumpkin-headed killer has returned. Hot on the trail is an obsessive cop who won't allow history to repeat itself.
Plot: Mary Graves' older sister was murdered on a Halloween night prom by a power-mowing maniac. Since then, Mary keeps seeing little lawnmowers everywhere. Now, it is the new Halloween prom - and the pumpkin-headed killer has returned. Hot on the trail is an obsessive cop who won't allow history to repeat itself.
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00:00:07You
00:00:46Death to all teenagers who fuck.
00:01:00Oh!
00:01:50Oh, my God.
00:02:01This is me, 13 years ago.
00:02:04Hi, my name is Mary.
00:02:07This is my big sister, Pam.
00:02:09She's getting ready for the Halloween pumpkin prom.
00:02:32Damn it, Daddy.
00:02:34What are you doing?
00:02:36Uh, nothing, dear.
00:02:38I was just mowing the lawn.
00:02:41Sure, Daddy.
00:02:42That's what you always say.
00:03:00Well, here we are.
00:03:02Guy, you're such an adult.
00:03:04When my mother told me I'd have to be taking care of my sister and her friends,
00:03:08I thought I'd have to miss the Halloween pumpkin prom.
00:03:12Oh, not on your life.
00:03:14There won't be any trouble at all.
00:03:19Now, Mary, you're in charge.
00:03:21And I want you to make sure that Bambi, Rosie, and Johnny don't get into any trouble.
00:03:27Okay.
00:03:27Have a good time.
00:03:53Halloween has always been a special time of the year for me.
00:04:04You may think I'm crazy, but there really is a pumpkin-headed lawnmower killer,
00:04:09and he really did chop up my big sister, Pam, with a power lawnmower.
00:04:13I still have nightmares.
00:04:15It all happened 13 years ago today.
00:04:46Oh, my God.
00:05:15Oh, my God.
00:05:18Oh, my God.
00:05:24Damn it, Daddy. What are you doing?
00:05:27Nothing, darling. Just mowing the lawn.
00:05:31Sure, Daddy. That's what you always say.
00:05:40I don't have time for breakfast. I've got a hysterectomy at 9.
00:05:43Has anyone seen my scalpel?
00:05:48Damien, sweetheart, have you seen Daddy's scalpel?
00:05:56Damien?
00:06:04This one?
00:06:06No, not that one.
00:06:13Where did I put that?
00:06:15Dad, don't forget, you and Mom promised to chaperone the Halloween pumpkin prom tonight.
00:06:20Of course, I'll be there. How could I forget my little girl's Halloween pumpkin prom?
00:06:26Where is the scalpel?
00:06:29Will this do, dear?
00:06:32What would I do without you?
00:06:39I don't want to upset you, but if anything happens, I just want you to know I love you.
00:06:47Oh, and I love you, too.
00:06:54So long, Pop.
00:06:57Oh, your father's been under a terrible strain lately.
00:07:00I think it's beginning to show.
00:07:01Yeah, exactly like you just killed somebody.
00:07:05Mary!
00:07:06Your father is a doctor.
00:07:09He kills people every day.
00:07:17Yeah.
00:07:18Murder?
00:07:19Yeah.
00:07:20Nurse?
00:07:21Yeah, where?
00:07:22Bald?
00:07:23Yeah.
00:07:25Bloody?
00:07:26Yeah.
00:07:27Arm severed?
00:07:28Yeah.
00:07:29I got your picture, yeah.
00:07:31No, no, it's not a pretty one.
00:07:32I'll be right there, yeah.
00:07:33I got a gun.
00:07:39I'm done.
00:07:40I'm done.
00:07:41What are you?
00:07:42I'm done.
00:07:47I'm done.
00:07:50I'm done.
00:07:52I'm done.
00:07:53I'm done.
00:08:03I'm done.
00:08:04I'm done.
00:08:14I'm done.
00:08:17I'm done.
00:08:19I'm done.
00:08:25I'm done.
00:08:32All right.
00:09:12All right, who is she?
00:09:14One of our night shift people, a nurse.
00:09:17What was she doing out here?
00:09:18She worked here, the hospital.
00:09:22Detective, there's something you should know.
00:09:25One of your crazies escaped last night.
00:09:27How did you know that?
00:09:28Yeah, well, it's obvious. Look over here.
00:09:32How many damn fool can see that? Look at here.
00:09:35There's a rope hanging out of the window.
00:09:45Dust.
00:09:46One of the other nurses heard her say,
00:09:48I think I'll take a shortcut through the woods tonight.
00:09:50Typical nurse move.
00:09:52How a human could have done this?
00:09:54Must be the work of a wild animal.
00:09:56Maybe a...
00:09:57a real wolf.
00:09:59Maybe.
00:10:00The lawnmower killer.
00:10:05Go ahead, kid, laugh.
00:10:07But you're too young to remember
00:10:08the most ghastly, grisly, ghoulish,
00:10:10god-offer murder in this state's history.
00:10:13I swore when it happened
00:10:14I wouldn't sleep
00:10:14until the murder was brought to justice.
00:10:17You mean you haven't slept in 13 years?
00:10:20I'm 31 years old, Doc, you tell me, huh?
00:10:23Now forget it.
00:10:23I want to know about this crazy who escaped.
00:10:25Who was he?
00:10:26We don't know.
00:10:27His records were burned in a fire.
00:10:29Is he dangerous?
00:10:3113 years he's been locked in his room
00:10:33watching TV talk shows.
00:10:35The only people he knows
00:10:37are Merv and Mike
00:10:38and Phil and Diner and Johnny.
00:10:40Hey, answer your question?
00:10:43You're a bastard.
00:10:45Huh?
00:10:47We found this in his room.
00:10:50It's a calendar.
00:10:52Good.
00:10:53And today's date's circled.
00:10:56In blood.
00:11:00He's back.
00:11:02After 13 years, he's back
00:11:04and I'm gonna nail him this time.
00:11:05What?
00:11:06No, who?
00:11:07I don't know, I'm asking you.
00:11:08What?
00:11:08Who?
00:11:09What?
00:11:09I don't understand.
00:11:10Forget it.
00:11:11All I know is today's October the 31st.
00:11:1331 backwards is 13.
00:11:15It's Friday, it's Halloween.
00:11:16It's the 13th anniversary
00:11:18of the lawnmower killings.
00:11:19It's a crazy loose.
00:11:20It's prom night.
00:11:22I'm out of coffee.
00:11:34Hi, Mary.
00:11:36Hi, Norman.
00:11:37How are you this morning?
00:11:38I'm fine.
00:11:38How are you this morning?
00:11:40Well, I am so excited about...
00:11:45Well, about...
00:11:46Making love for the first time tonight?
00:11:47Right.
00:11:49Oh, I know, Norman.
00:11:51I can't think of anyone in the world
00:11:54I'd rather lose my virginity to.
00:11:56Yeah.
00:11:58I know what you mean.
00:12:03Norman?
00:12:04Mary.
00:12:04Stop that right now.
00:12:05Mary.
00:12:06I can't help it if I sound like a lawnmower
00:12:09every time I get excited.
00:12:10And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and.
00:12:22I'm okay.
00:12:23It's okay.
00:12:24It's okay now.
00:12:25Oh, Norman.
00:12:26How are we ever going to make love?
00:12:28I'm the only virgin in the whole school.
00:12:31But every time I hear that lawnmower sound,
00:12:33I...
00:12:34I...
00:12:35I...
00:12:38I think this might turn the trick.
00:12:45Oh, Norman.
00:12:47Ear plugs.
00:12:49How thoughtful.
00:12:51I love you, Mary.
00:12:53I love you too, Norman.
00:12:56Don't you think we should be getting on to school now?
00:13:00I'd rather get on to you, Mary.
00:13:02Oh.
00:13:21Are you, Norman, really going to do it tonight after the fall?
00:13:26Oh, so.
00:13:27You finally got a picnic on Norman's hot dog.
00:13:29Rosie!
00:13:30I'm not going to picnic on anyone's hot dog.
00:13:33I'm nervous enough about tonight already.
00:13:36Still thinking about your sister?
00:13:39I don't know about you guys, but, um, I still have nightmares.
00:13:42Yeah.
00:13:44You know, I wonder whatever happened to Johnny.
00:13:47Just think.
00:13:48Little guy like that running away at four years old.
00:13:51Yeah.
00:13:51Must have been a real nightmare for him trying to find a job and being so short.
00:13:56Could we change the subject?
00:13:57It's giving me the creeps.
00:13:59Yeah.
00:13:59Did you get a date yet, Bambi?
00:14:00Hello.
00:14:02I still have a full school day to work on it.
00:14:05Are you still going with Tony Schlongini, or, um, did he get kicked out of school for wearing
00:14:09his pants too tight?
00:14:12Everyone's talking about him.
00:14:15People that know him just love him.
00:14:17So if you're feeling down, or if you're feeling blue, this dude will make you feel super cool.
00:14:24Tony Schlongini.
00:14:25I am respected everywhere.
00:14:27Tony Schlongini.
00:14:28Girls always pulling out my hair.
00:14:30When I walk rosy around.
00:14:32Boom, boom, boom, boom.
00:14:33Beholding the side of her mouth.
00:14:35Boom, boom, boom, boom.
00:14:36My temperature rises.
00:14:37My soul who realizes.
00:14:39She almost approaches my lead when she's hot.
00:14:42Tony Schlongini.
00:14:43Ow!
00:14:44Very funny.
00:14:45Maybe I could ask Norman to fix you up with someone.
00:14:49Oh, I don't know.
00:14:51I don't want to end up with some mystery date.
00:15:16What is this?
00:15:17Oh, leave him alone.
00:15:18He's already gone through two pairs of pants this week.
00:15:26Hi, gorgeous.
00:15:29You know you got champagne taste, sweetheart.
00:15:32How you doing?
00:15:34Just burning some homework.
00:15:39Sneak preview.
00:15:42Huh?
00:15:43Huh?
00:15:47Guess what?
00:15:49I'm not wearing any panties.
00:15:54And I'm not going to be wearing any tonight, either.
00:15:57What do you think about that?
00:16:02I'll see you tonight.
00:16:09Come on, girls.
00:16:12Oh, my God.
00:16:17Don't be embarrassed by Rosie's crass attitude.
00:16:21Why, I bet half the girls in this school don't wear panties.
00:16:25But, Tony, I want you to know that not all girls are like that.
00:16:30I'm wearing mine.
00:16:31See?
00:16:33Oh, my God.
00:16:34So, forget about it.
00:16:36Oh, my God.
00:16:41God, Harbinger.
00:16:43Look at you.
00:16:44You're a mess.
00:16:44You haven't shaved in a week.
00:16:46You need a haircut.
00:16:48What's with the suit?
00:16:49You sleeping in it?
00:16:51Chief, I got to talk to you.
00:16:53Harbinger, every Halloween for 13 years,
00:16:56you've come in here screaming about a lawnmower murder.
00:16:58Chief, this time it's different.
00:17:00It's the 13th anniversary.
00:17:02I don't give a damn if it's Jack the Ripper's birthday.
00:17:04Now, look, I'm not sending three cops to some pumpkin prom
00:17:06looking for a psycho with a pumpkin head,
00:17:09a big nose, and a bunch of garden tools.
00:17:11If you don't believe me, maybe you believe this guy.
00:17:14Harbinger!
00:17:16Gee, this is Dr. Tit.
00:17:19The way you dot your eyes, it's very anal.
00:17:22I love you.
00:17:26How do you do?
00:17:27Your secretary has a magnificent butt.
00:17:30Who's this guy?
00:17:31He happens to be one of the finest...
00:17:33I can speak for myself.
00:17:38I happen to be one of the finest psychoanalysts
00:17:41in the state mental facility.
00:17:42Ask me again, and I'll tell you the same.
00:17:44Nice haircut.
00:17:46You're repressed.
00:17:47Who is this clown?
00:17:50He calls me a clown.
00:17:51That upsets me.
00:17:56Get him out of here.
00:17:58I feel unneeded.
00:17:59I can't function as an unneeded person.
00:18:02If we need this guy, please apologize.
00:18:05No, no, it's too late.
00:18:08You've inflicted emotional wounds which may take years to heal.
00:18:12Get him out of here.
00:18:14But...
00:18:16I understand your problem.
00:18:24And your hair cut.
00:18:26So I will be a good citizen and cooperate.
00:18:30Just tell the chief what you told me.
00:18:33I love black women.
00:18:35Tell him about the patient who escaped.
00:18:39Well, the guy was a wacko.
00:18:40They brought him in 13 years ago.
00:18:43His records were destroyed in a fire.
00:18:44All I know is that he saw something horrible and violent
00:18:47and retreated completely into his psyche.
00:18:50Is he capable of murder?
00:18:52Well, he's catatonically introverted
00:18:55with undertones of psychotic schizophrenia.
00:18:58What does that mean?
00:19:00If you piss him off, run.
00:19:01That's it.
00:19:02Thank you, doctor.
00:19:04Doctor.
00:19:04On the other hand, there could be a doctor.
00:19:06But now, on the other hand,
00:19:07I might have a few other theories that might be of interest to you.
00:19:09By great health.
00:19:11Damn it, chief.
00:19:12The lawnmower killer's back and I'm gonna get him.
00:19:14I've got Olson and Johnson waiting out in the hall,
00:19:16ready to stake out that school.
00:19:17All we need is a sign from you.
00:19:19Will you give me that sign, chief?
00:19:25Does that mean no?
00:19:33I don't know.
00:19:40Hey, Arbinger,
00:19:41do you want to get the lawnmower maniac that's you?
00:19:42Arbinger busted any lawnmowers lately?
00:19:45Shouldn't you be sneaking up the pumpkin patch about now?
00:19:47Arbinger, mow this.
00:19:48Excuse me.
00:19:49What do you want?
00:19:50I need to talk to you about something that happened 13 years ago.
00:19:53It involves Halloween and prom night,
00:19:56a lawnmower, a pumpkin head, and a large nose.
00:19:59Buzz out of here, wise guy.
00:20:01No, wait.
00:20:02Doesn't this ring a bell?
00:20:03Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:20:06Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:20:09Ha!
00:20:14Last night off, Demron.
00:20:17All right, I don't know where all of you guys live.
00:20:19I've got you home on the train.
00:20:20I don't want you to live.
00:20:24Get out of here, you weirdo.
00:20:30No one ever listens to me, they'll be sorry, they'll see, they'll all see.
00:20:41Science is a discipline which involves observational procedures, patterns of argument and methods
00:20:48of representation and, of course, careful calculations that are logical.
00:21:06The concept that matter is in continual motion must prevail over the concept that matter
00:21:12is in a state of static equilibrium, thus, as I am clearly demonstrating, God the
00:21:18Himmel, the molecular structure of atoms in molecules may not be considered pointy.
00:21:27Yeah.
00:21:28Ah.
00:21:30Lola, if you please.
00:21:47What's happening?
00:21:49Mm.
00:21:49Oh, oh.
00:21:52Mm.
00:21:54Doctor Morrow's a great teacher.
00:21:56Oh, he makes science so believable.
00:21:59I hear he has his own island.
00:22:01Not here, Norman.
00:22:03What would people think?
00:22:05Ooh!
00:22:09See you at lunch, Schlong?
00:22:10No, I can't eat before the football game.
00:22:13I get cramps.
00:22:14I don't know what you're so nervous about.
00:22:16De Palma's creamed you guys for the last 13 years.
00:22:19Oh, yeah?
00:22:21Well, tonight's gonna be different.
00:22:22We're gonna tear him limb from limb.
00:22:24You know, Dr. Morrow was telling Dr. Morrow made us swear
00:22:28never to tell a living soul about the secret serum he's gonna give us,
00:22:31the serum that's gonna turn our team of pansies into a pack of wild animals.
00:22:36So shut up.
00:22:39Sorry, it's okay.
00:22:41No, I apologize.
00:22:43It's okay.
00:22:44No, no, I feel very bad.
00:22:45I'm sorry.
00:22:45Tony!
00:22:46It's okay.
00:22:47We'll see you girls later.
00:22:53Sure, they laugh now.
00:22:56But they don't remember that fatal night 13 years ago
00:22:59when something evil gripped this town.
00:23:02I need a coffee.
00:23:03That's when I started drinking.
00:23:09I was just a rookie making my nightly rounds that evening
00:23:12when I saw a beautiful young girl in need of assistance.
00:23:20Oh, she couldn't have been more than 15 or 16, but she was a woman.
00:23:25I looked over at her and noticed her pouting lips hiking from behind.
00:23:30As I drove along, we didn't say much, but apparently she liked me.
00:23:35She hiked up her skirt inch by inch by inch, revealing her creamy statutory thighs.
00:23:44I reached over and gently tweaked her head.
00:23:47No, no, no, no.
00:23:49That didn't really happen, no.
00:23:51No, the true story is this.
00:23:53I was working out of ice.
00:23:54I was working out of ice.
00:23:54Doing some routine undercover work at the local massage parlor.
00:23:57No!
00:23:58No!
00:23:59No!
00:23:59No!
00:24:00No!
00:24:08No!
00:24:09No!
00:24:10No, no, no!
00:24:11That didn't really happen either, no.
00:24:13No, the true story, and you have to take my word for it this time, was this.
00:24:18The family was hysterical.
00:24:20The rabbi was dead.
00:24:21I had to whip out my switchblade and circumcise that kid myself.
00:24:26God, no.
00:24:26I'm sorry.
00:24:27I'm sorry.
00:24:27I'm sorry.
00:24:28Look.
00:24:29Look, I'll give you the drill, true, honest-to-God flashback right now.
00:24:33Yeah.
00:24:35Now, what happened was, I was driving home late at night.
00:24:38It was after the policeman's Halloween ball.
00:24:40Boy, was I depressed.
00:24:43I had to go dress as a damn clown.
00:24:45Maloney had stolen my costume idea.
00:24:48It was about midnight when I got the call.
00:24:50It was a gruesome murder at the local high school.
00:24:55It was the most grisly thing I'd ever seen.
00:24:58Blood was everywhere, but bodies were unrecognizable.
00:25:01The weapon of death was a large gas-powered lawnmower.
00:25:04I was revolted.
00:25:06But you know what really pissed me off was Maloney standing there in my kangaroo suit.
00:25:10I was so upset that I volunteered for the job of breaking the news to one of the victim's parents,
00:25:15a doctor in Mrs. Graves.
00:25:19Telling parents that their child is dead is about the hardest thing I can think of.
00:25:23I still haven't figured out an easy way to do it.
00:25:26That's why I thought I'd ease on into it.
00:25:30Trick or treat.
00:25:32Oh.
00:25:33Well, here's a nice, shiny red apple.
00:25:39Police business?
00:25:40I'd like to have a few words with you.
00:25:49Look, if it's about the razor blades and the apples again, it was an accident.
00:25:53I was shaving over the fruit and one of them dropped in.
00:25:55I'm sorry about the little boy and it won't happen again.
00:25:58Get the apple back.
00:26:00I'm afraid this is more important than that.
00:26:02Look out!
00:26:02Over there!
00:26:07I'm sorry, uh, what were you saying?
00:26:10It's about your daughter.
00:26:12Pam, what about her?
00:26:15Well, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just have to be blunt.
00:26:17Pam's been murdered.
00:26:19The other daughter, Mary, she saw the whole thing.
00:26:21She's bound to be screwed up by the terrible images she must carry with her for the rest of her
00:26:25life.
00:26:25Oh, look, look, I'm sorry, uh, it's any consolation.
00:26:37See?
00:26:42See? Watch now.
00:26:46Now, see?
00:26:48It's a giraffe.
00:26:51Cute little devil, huh?
00:26:52Oh!
00:26:55That was 13 years ago, and I remember it just like it was yesterday.
00:27:05I don't life all I want.
00:27:07I'm going to solve this case if it kills me.
00:27:09I got a picture of every dip that's come into this lawnmower shop for the last 13 years.
00:27:19One of these dips is a lawnmower killer.
00:27:30Man can only take so much shit before he has to start throwing some of it back.
00:27:37I think I know just where to start throwing some of averted school gardener geek.
00:27:44Do you ever see this man before?
00:27:48No?
00:27:50You ever seen this woman before?
00:27:54I'm not here to play games with you, geek!
00:27:57Uh, that's Zeke.
00:27:59So don't pretend you don't know what I'm here for.
00:28:01Well, uh, let me guess.
00:28:02This is the classic cast suspicion on perverted school gardener scene?
00:28:06Oh, you got a geek.
00:28:07Zeke!
00:28:08Whatever.
00:28:10Just remember, I'm on to you.
00:28:12You step out of line once, I'll be there.
00:28:15You make a wrong move, I'll be there.
00:28:17You take your clothes off, I'll be there.
00:28:26This day is lasting forever.
00:28:29It seems like an eternity until tonight.
00:28:33The hours seem like days.
00:28:36The minutes seem like hours.
00:28:38The seconds seem like, like...
00:28:40A long time.
00:28:42Mary, tonight'll be the first time we've ever...
00:28:45Well, we've ever had a chance to...
00:28:47Pork.
00:28:52Norman!
00:28:58I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:29:00I just got excited for a second.
00:29:02You didn't tell anybody about my problem, did you?
00:29:05No, of course not.
00:29:07What's the matter? Don't you trust me?
00:29:09Oh, I'm sorry, Mary. Of course I trust you.
00:29:11And I'm really honored that you're still a virgin.
00:29:17Oh, Tony's in the pea soup again.
00:29:32It's good stuff.
00:29:55Well, well, well, Dick Harbinger back again this year, dude.
00:29:58Get all hot about the lawnmower killer, I suppose.
00:30:01Well, I have a lot more important things to get all hot about than that.
00:30:04Take a look at this young man here.
00:30:05Take a good long look at a sinner.
00:30:08Are you listening, sinner?
00:30:09Yes.
00:30:09Yes.
00:30:10A perfect example of today's depraved youth.
00:30:12Yes, reduced by society's want and lust and nothing more than a pleasure-seeking animal.
00:30:16Oh, sure.
00:30:17When he's hungry, he eats.
00:30:19When he's tired, he sleeps.
00:30:20And when he gets aroused.
00:30:21Who?
00:30:22I don't even like to think about it.
00:30:23Yes, who can turn back the tide of this rising boy's hot blood?
00:30:26Who can quell his thriving passions?
00:30:29His parents couldn't clamp down.
00:30:31Society couldn't clamp down.
00:30:33But I, Harry Palms, still clamp on down.
00:30:37Yes.
00:30:38Yeah.
00:30:38What better way to stop vice than with a vice?
00:30:41Are you a sinner?
00:30:42Yes, I am.
00:30:43You're a pen of your sin.
00:30:44Yes, I do, Mr. Palms.
00:30:46Whoa, look at him now.
00:30:48Yes.
00:30:49Gentle as a lamb and blank as a fart.
00:30:53How'd a gonad like you ever become vice principal?
00:30:56It's a good question, my boy.
00:30:58It's a good question.
00:30:59Because I'm a man who understands vice and corruption among our young men and women today.
00:31:03Yes, I do.
00:31:04Why, I've read about it.
00:31:04I've lectured about it.
00:31:05I've taught about it.
00:31:05I've watched it all over.
00:31:06Yes, look at it.
00:31:07I've even confiscated these 313 pairs of delicious panties.
00:31:10Yes, I have whips, chains, leather garters,
00:31:13and even my own flock of adorable young sheep.
00:31:15Yes, you ask me how this gonad got to be vice principal.
00:31:18I'll tell you.
00:31:19Experience.
00:31:20I know vice.
00:31:21Damn it, Harry Palms.
00:31:23We got a killer loose around here,
00:31:25and I want to know what the hell you're going to do about it.
00:31:28Oh.
00:31:32Can I be frank, Dick?
00:31:33Oh, sure, Frank.
00:31:35Let me tell you, frankly, Dick, I'm just bored, bored, bored with this lawnmower crap you've been giving me every
00:31:41year.
00:31:41I'm sick of it to death.
00:31:43Yes, you're not a believer.
00:31:43I can see it in your eyes.
00:31:44I know it all.
00:31:45It's a wives' tale, this lawnmower thing.
00:31:47Why, I know this school like I know the back of my hand.
00:31:50You don't have faith.
00:31:51If you just trust in me, I can help you.
00:31:52I can help you become a believer.
00:31:53I can lay hands on your head.
00:31:54I'd love that.
00:31:55Uh-huh.
00:31:56Am I getting through to you?
00:32:12Am I getting through to you?
00:32:28Am I getting through to you?
00:32:29Am I getting through to you?
00:33:10another lawnmower nightmare miss graves don't you think it's about time you got over this silly
00:33:15lawnmower phobia of yours i realize you're bound to be screwed up by the terrible images you'll
00:33:21carry around with you the rest of your life but if one can't sleep in the library without
00:33:25being disturbed where can one sleep i think you owe the entire library an apology i'm sorry
00:33:48yeah it's 13 13 13 can you repeat that 13 13 13 thanks a lot
00:33:57guess who all right right who guess who go ahead no guess who who what what who where
00:34:06where i don't know where i don't know who the lawnmower will kill her right
00:34:12boy tony you really pulled a boner on that one how can you be such a geek that's zeke oh
00:34:20whatever
00:34:21how can you forget that it was mary's sister pam who got chopped up into hamburger meat by that fiend
00:34:27right before her eyes and she's bound to be screwed up by the images she must carry around with her
00:34:33the
00:34:33rest of her life i really apologize and that's okay i don't mean it you know i'm sick forget it
00:34:41tony
00:34:41i really feel sick that you're sick about this so i'm tony it's all right i'm sorry
00:34:54oh my god
00:34:57oh my god
00:35:03stand back
00:35:20Out of bullets.
00:35:26What is it?
00:35:37A baby lawnmower.
00:35:40Who would do such a thing?
00:35:42Oh, darling.
00:35:44Hey!
00:35:45You'd be surprised at the depths of depravity some people would sing to.
00:35:56Whoa!
00:36:06Don't ever mess with me, Hood.
00:36:16Wait, Spencer!
00:36:18Come on, stop!
00:36:20Wait, Spencer!
00:36:23Move, stay on the wall!
00:36:24Get out of the way!
00:36:33Most accidents are caused by nothing more than carelessness and a lack of respect for common courtesy.
00:36:41Don't...
00:36:43Hey, man, what are you doing?
00:36:44What are you doing, man?
00:36:45Hey, man, stop.
00:36:46What are you doing, man?
00:36:46Hmm?
00:36:51Get out of the way!
00:36:55Where the hell are you going?
00:36:57Hey!
00:36:59Hey!
00:37:00Hey!
00:37:07Oh!
00:37:08Hey!
00:37:09Hey!
00:37:11Hey!
00:37:13Hey!
00:37:13Hey!
00:37:13Hey!
00:37:14Hey!
00:37:17Hey!
00:37:18Hey!
00:37:30Touchdown!
00:37:43Pretty handy with the car, big guy.
00:37:48I admire a man who knows how to put 424 cubic inches of hot, pounding pistons in its place.
00:37:55Oh, so do I, little girl.
00:38:29Oh, it's hard!
00:38:31Whoa!
00:38:36Oh, it's hard!
00:38:37Whoa!
00:38:38Whoa!
00:38:39Whoa!
00:38:40Whoa!
00:38:41Whoa!
00:38:53Whoa!
00:38:55Whoa!
00:38:55Oh!
00:38:56Oh!
00:39:02Oh!
00:39:05Oh!
00:39:07Oh!
00:39:10Come on, jump!
00:39:21I guess a big guy like you already has a date for the Halloween pumpkin truck, huh?
00:39:25Yeah, sweet cheeks, I got a date all right. With destiny.
00:39:44Tony, it's never been that good. Ever.
00:39:49Yeah, I'll give it a seven, all right, sweetheart?
00:39:52All right.
00:40:12Damien, how many times have I told you this is not a toy?
00:40:17Who is it? Just a moment.
00:40:33Darling, I'm very busy. I'm stitching up Mr. Cooper. He just had a hysterectomy.
00:40:39Dr. Graves, Dr. Graves, Mrs. Cooper is ready for her hysterectomy in operating room 13.
00:40:45We're waiting for you.
00:40:49Uh-oh, I'm sorry, darling. Go ahead.
00:40:51It was thrown right through the front window with a note attached.
00:40:55It says, it's Halloween, it's prom night, there's a psycho loose.
00:40:59So don't open the door, don't answer the phone, don't look in the attic, don't go to the bathroom,
00:41:03don't go into the ocean, and don't go into space because no one can hear you scream.
00:41:07Signed, a friend.
00:41:10Marge, can't go into a tizzy every time some nut throws a lawnmower through the window.
00:41:14Take two aspirin, call me in the morning.
00:41:33I don't know why we bother to suit up anymore.
00:41:36Yeah, I know what you're talking about. We haven't won a game in the 13 years I've been a senior,
00:41:39you know?
00:41:40What is that coming out of your locker?
00:41:43What the hell?
00:41:45Jeez.
00:41:46Now stand back.
00:41:46Don't touch it. Just stand back.
00:41:48What is it? Don't touch it.
00:41:49Stand back.
00:41:49What is it?
00:41:50Don't touch it.
00:41:51What is it?
00:41:51Stand back. It's my locker.
00:41:54Relax.
00:41:59What is it?
00:42:23It's just a pair of my old gym socks. I must have left them in there too long.
00:42:27It's just like you, Tony.
00:42:30I'm telling you, Chief, he's back. I saw him and I chased him.
00:42:33Now we gotta get some men down here right away.
00:42:36Look, Chief.
00:42:38I pulled this lawnmower out of a girl's locker today.
00:42:42I'll be off in a minute, buddy.
00:42:44Chief, now I've got suspects all over the place here.
00:42:47A geek.
00:42:49That's Zeek!
00:42:50A loony.
00:42:51A weirdo.
00:42:53A jock.
00:42:55Ain't even beginning to worry about my own son, little dick.
00:43:00Chief, this is a matter of life and death.
00:43:02I don't know what's the matter with you guys down there.
00:43:04Arbiter, this is the work of a werewolf.
00:43:07That's right.
00:43:08And we're gonna find the werewolf and get a conviction from it.
00:43:11Fact is, tactical squad's out looking for them in the woods.
00:43:17What's wrong, Mary?
00:43:19Oh, I'm just allergic to these damn pom-poms.
00:43:23I know that's not it.
00:43:26I'm scared about tonight.
00:43:29About making it with Norman?
00:43:30Or getting hacked up by the lawnmower killer?
00:43:32Or both.
00:43:33No.
00:43:34I'm gonna miss cheerleading.
00:43:36It's our last game.
00:43:39We're seniors, guys.
00:43:41We're young, pretty, popular, white Anglo-Saxon Protestants.
00:43:47Cheerleading is all we know.
00:43:49But after tonight, our creamy white thighs, sparkling smiles, and pouting breasts
00:43:56won't mean shit.
00:44:08Let's not let our bleak future put a damper on our spirit.
00:44:12We're gonna go out there tonight and come back a star.
00:44:22Let's go.
00:44:24Ready?
00:44:25Ready.
00:44:39I promised you that when I took over this team last year, that our record of zero wins,
00:44:46113 losses, had to stop.
00:44:50Tonight, my pets, I mean men, I am going to keep that promise.
00:44:56You have received the benefit of 25 years of scientific experimentation.
00:45:03Ow!
00:45:04Yes.
00:45:12Football is a game that requires courage, gods...
00:45:17Nine, nine.
00:45:18Eh, determination.
00:45:20But most important of all, confidence.
00:45:23Savage.
00:45:24Animal confidence.
00:45:25To do a thing, you must first know what that thing is.
00:45:29Once you know what that thing is, you must believe with all your heart and soul that it can be
00:45:34done.
00:45:35Once you believe that it can be done, then you must get up and do it.
00:45:38And that it is this game.
00:45:40We are going to win this game.
00:45:42We are going to win this game.
00:45:42Why?
00:45:42Because we have the confidence.
00:45:44We have the desire.
00:45:46We have the determination.
00:45:47But most important of all, we have me, Dr. Mengele.
00:45:51I mean, Dr. Moreau.
00:45:53Now, let's get out on the field and show them what we are making.
00:45:58Are we tough?
00:46:00Are we mean?
00:46:01Are we animals?
00:46:03Let's get out on the field and tear them limb from limb.
00:46:08By the counselors at San Antonio?
00:46:15Let's go!
00:46:17Let's go, let's go.
00:46:20Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
00:46:38I am not a mascot. I am a human being.
00:46:53Thanks for the lift.
00:47:03Hi, Mom.
00:47:05Hi, dear. Anything happen at school today?
00:47:08Oh, no. I mean, like, you know, nothing. Same old boring routine.
00:47:12How was the game?
00:47:13Oh, God! It was, like, totally, totally weird.
00:47:19I mean, like, I just couldn't believe it.
00:47:21I mean, you know, like, we went for the first time in 13 years.
00:47:24Our boys ate them up.
00:47:26That's nice.
00:47:28Oh, there was a phone message for you.
00:47:30Oh, wow. From Norman?
00:47:32Oh, wow. He didn't say.
00:47:34Oh, come on, Mom. What did he say?
00:47:38Well, at first, you know, he goes like, uh...
00:47:42Well, at first he goes, uh...
00:47:45Your daughter's gonna die tonight!
00:47:47And, um, then he says, uh...
00:48:00Oh, wow. Our oats.
00:48:03Friend of yours, dear?
00:48:05Probably.
00:48:08It must be that devil in the attic again.
00:48:11I'll go all by myself and check it out.
00:48:14Oh, good idea, darling.
00:48:16Oh, no, no!
00:48:20Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
00:48:52Hello, Maui.
00:48:54Hello, Maui.
00:49:05Damien, how many times have I told you to stay out of the attic?
00:49:08Telegram.
00:49:15Darling, have a wonderful time at the Halloween Pumpkin Prom.
00:49:19See you soon. Yours truly, El Diablo.
00:49:41Oh, shit.
00:49:43Oh, shit.
00:49:44Oh, shit.
00:49:47What?
00:50:12What am I doing?
00:50:14Oh, shit.
00:50:24Hi, big guy.
00:50:26You want to go to the Halloween pumpkin prom with me?
00:50:49This is a defeated man.
00:50:54A man at the end of his rope.
00:50:56At the end of the line, he's played out his string to the bitter end.
00:51:01How else can I put it?
00:51:02You're on your last leg.
00:51:04He's on his last leg.
00:51:06I said leg.
00:51:07Whatever.
00:51:09He can't take much more of this.
00:51:11He's on the fringe, the verge, the brink.
00:51:14He's hearing voices in the night.
00:51:17All I know is if he doesn't get some sleep pretty soon,
00:51:20it's gonna be farewell, my lovely dick.
00:51:23I won't have to wait.
00:51:48You let me know the birds is dying.
00:51:52You're ok.
00:51:53Yeah. Nothing, dear. I was...
00:51:57It's the mowing lawn.
00:51:59Sure, Daddy. That's what you always say.
00:52:06I think UCLA is a wonderful college for Rosie.
00:52:11That way she won't have to leave home.
00:52:15Nonsense, Lenore. She'll be attending Harvard, just like her father.
00:52:23And what are your plans, Anthony?
00:52:25What? You talking to me?
00:52:29Yes, Anthony.
00:52:33Anthony.
00:52:35Don't ever...
00:52:37Tony.
00:52:38Stay out of this, Rosie.
00:52:40Don't ever, ever call me Anthony.
00:52:45Call me Tony.
00:52:47Call me Mr. Schlongini.
00:52:49My friends like to call me the Schlong, you know?
00:52:52Yeah.
00:52:53But never call me Anthony.
00:52:56Do we understand each other?
00:52:58Yes, Mr. Schlongini.
00:53:01Gini.
00:53:02Gini, yes.
00:53:05Then it's delicious.
00:53:06Yes.
00:53:08Why, thank you.
00:53:14And what have you two planned after the prom tonight?
00:53:26Rosie.
00:53:32Oh, I'm glad again.
00:53:36Oh, I'm glad again.
00:53:37Oh, I'm glad again.
00:53:48us for dinner. Well, it was very kind of you to invite us, Mrs. Graves. I don't get out of
00:54:00the house
00:54:00much, Mrs. Graves, so this is a real treat for me. Well, it's a real treat for us too, Mrs.
00:54:08Bates.
00:54:11I bet you didn't know that my mom can sing and drink water at the same time. No.
00:54:20I'd like to see that, Norman. I'm not really thirsty, Norman. Oh, yes, you are, Mother.
00:54:27No, no, I'm not really thirsty. Yes, yes. Here we go. Ready? One, two. I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy.
00:54:35Yankee Doodle Dandy. A real life nephew from my old Uncle Sam. Born on the 4th of July.
00:54:46What's with this yavo? Shh. Mrs. Bates is singing. I think it's time to carve the bird, dear.
00:54:58Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
00:55:05What? What? The lawnmower killer!
00:55:14Now look at what you made me do. Sorry, Mom.
00:55:22Mary, this lawnmower phobia of yours has gotten completely out of hand.
00:55:27I know you are bound to be screwed up by that terrible image that you've got to carry with
00:55:31you for the rest of your life. But why does it have to extend to the rest of us?
00:55:55You look tired, son. Have you been getting enough sleep?
00:55:58Now, I realize that you're old enough now to make your own decisions, son. But you can't
00:56:03take the job home with you. You have to learn to let go. Otherwise, you'll find yourself in
00:56:08an early grave. Dick, you know, I think the problem is, is that you're not getting enough
00:56:12exercise. Why, a key to a good night's sleep is physical exhaustion.
00:56:16Dick, take it from your older brother. All you need is a good woman.
00:56:21No, no. What he needs is simply to...
00:56:35You don't think it's too modern?
00:56:38Really, Mom? Dad did a good job. It's one of the best haircuts you've ever had.
00:56:45Well, how sweet. Hmm. Come on, darling. I want to take a good picture of you and your little
00:56:53Alice in Wonderland costume.
00:56:55Mom, do we have to do this?
00:56:56Oh, you both look so gorgeous. Now, come on, smile.
00:57:02All right. Now, one more, one more.
00:57:04Mom, we'll be late.
00:57:05There's been an emergency at the hospital. I'll see you later. You've wanted a Halloween pumpkin
00:57:10prom without me.
00:57:11All right, dear. Bye-bye.
00:57:13Good night, Dr. Graves.
00:57:15I guess we should be on our way.
00:57:18Okay. Damien, darling. Damien. Mrs. Bates has been kind enough to sit with you tonight,
00:57:28so I want you to be a very, very good boy. Mama's precious angel. Okay, Ma.
00:57:39Oh, you know, just being here with you kids tonight sure brings back a lot of fond memories.
00:57:46I remember my first pork.
00:57:50What, Mrs. Graves?
00:57:51The prom, Norman. My first Halloween pumpkin prom.
00:57:57I'll never forget the first time I saw your father.
00:58:02He was so handsome in his pink sport coat and his white carnation.
00:58:09Standing there, outside my bedroom window.
00:58:15If I'm rambling on too much, just let me know.
00:58:19Oh, not at all.
00:58:22Look.
00:58:22Ah!
00:58:42I'm not the jealous type
00:58:45They're looking for a fight
00:58:47My baby treats me right
00:58:54No, I don't understand
00:58:56Hey, Dad.
00:58:58Come on!
00:59:00Come on, that's nice kids.
00:59:02Disgusting.
00:59:03That's your stuff.
00:59:05It's that police business.
00:59:09Don't let me catch you messing with my baby
00:59:15Don't wanna see you around my girl
00:59:21Don't let me catch you messing with my baby
00:59:28Don't let me catch you messing with my baby
00:59:29Nobody's gonna steal my world
00:59:33On down the avenue
00:59:36All eyes on you know who
00:59:39Tell me what can I do
00:59:46Somebody makes a crack
00:59:49Behind my baby's back
00:59:51Now both his eyes are black
00:59:56And my baby's blue
01:00:01Come on, Tommy, dance with me.
01:00:03Hey, what?
01:00:04You wanna start a riot and hear people go berserk?
01:00:08Have you seen Bambi?
01:00:10Sure, I guess Bambi didn't get a date
01:00:12Bobby, I hope she's not sitting at home all alone
01:00:15Oh, don't worry about her
01:00:16She's probably just sitting at home all alone
01:00:18Hey, uh, ain't that Bambi?
01:00:20Who's that bald-headed guy behind her?
01:00:22Elmo
01:00:23Maybe the lawnmower killer
01:00:24Yeah!
01:00:29Wait, come action!
01:00:31Oh, my kidding!
01:00:33Thanks a lot, Mary
01:00:34I know he's a little tall
01:00:36But you didn't have to scream
01:00:38I'm sorry
01:00:39I thought he was
01:00:40I thought he was
01:00:42He was my date
01:00:44Now I'm gonna have to go find him
01:00:48Bambi!
01:00:50Bambi!
01:00:51Bambi!
01:00:52You sure scream a lot
01:00:54I'm sorry
01:00:55I'm bound to be screamed up
01:00:56By the terrible images
01:00:57I must carry with me
01:00:58The rest of my life
01:01:02Oh, yes, this is definitely me
01:01:03This is me
01:01:04This is me
01:01:05I've come on home
01:01:06Woo, yes
01:01:07Oh, party hearty
01:01:08To the sounds
01:01:08Of the mighty
01:01:10Mighty
01:01:10That's me
01:01:11Ooh, tonight is tonight
01:01:12I'm a party boy
01:01:13I'm on my way downtown
01:01:14Yes, if mama picks me up in a cab
01:01:15Oh, my gosh
01:01:18Leatherette
01:01:18Yes, just like in the Lincoln Continentals
01:01:20By my head
01:01:21Too much
01:01:21Look at this
01:01:22Big black leather
01:01:23Ooh, it's too much
01:01:24Yes, if the silvers could only see me now
01:01:26I'd swear boogie fever was a nose infection
01:01:28Yes, come back and give me this number
01:01:30Love it
01:01:31Look at what?
01:01:31What is that noise?
01:01:33I think the village people have come to audition me
01:01:35Woo, anything
01:01:37Yes
01:01:39I believe me in trick or treat
01:01:42Money
01:01:43Oh, money
01:01:44Yes, you come a little
01:01:45I have a Mars bar for you
01:01:47Maybe that's a marshmallow
01:01:48How about a little treat here
01:01:49Oh, yes
01:01:50You've come to be healed of sin
01:01:51You've come to the right place, my friend
01:01:52Why, I can just squeeze your head too
01:01:54But I get pumpkin pie
01:01:55Ooh, you put the pressure on me
01:01:56Now, they're going to call
01:01:57Yes, take the other thing you need
01:02:00What?
01:02:18Oh, darling, it's you
01:02:21Where have you been?
01:02:23I just got out of OR
01:02:25What happened to you?
01:02:26It looks like it got thrown out of a car
01:02:28I was just telling the kids
01:02:30About the first night we met
01:02:31Well, you did get thrown out of a car
01:02:36Looney
01:02:39Looney
01:02:42Wherefore aren't thou, Looney?
01:02:48Is that you?
01:02:52Why it's your own way?
01:02:55Oh, look, I'm sorry my friend scared me
01:02:58That's just Mary
01:02:59She's a screamer
01:03:07Don't you want to go to the Halloween pumpkin prom with me?
01:03:11Huh?
01:03:23I can't allow you to leave
01:03:25If you're going out for drugs or drink
01:03:27That's against the rules
01:03:28It's okay
01:03:29We're just having some kinky sex
01:03:31Oh, all right
01:03:48Superman
01:03:49What?
01:03:51Cafeteria
01:03:53The food
01:03:54All right
01:03:54Let's go
01:03:55You got it on me, got it on me, I saw you down at the arena, ketchup, everybody, ketchup.
01:04:45They'll be sorry, all of them will be sorry, you'll wait and see, you'll be sorry.
01:04:52Mary.
01:04:53Yes, Norman.
01:04:54Have I ever told you how much I, how much I...
01:04:58Love me?
01:04:59Yeah, and that no matter what happens to me, no matter what happens, I'm still, I'll still...
01:05:07Respect me.
01:05:08Yeah, right, and holding you here in my arms right now, I am just so, so...
01:05:15Horny, you can taste it.
01:05:17Exactly.
01:05:19Well, you just stay that way, I'll be right back.
01:05:22Mary, where are you going?
01:05:24I'm going to look for Bambi, I'm worried about her.
01:05:27Well, I'll go with you.
01:05:28No, this is something I just have to do alone.
01:05:31Why?
01:05:32Don't ask me why.
01:05:33Well, how come?
01:05:35Norman.
01:05:36Look, Mary, I'm not letting you go out there alone, it could be dangerous out there.
01:05:41You think I'm afraid, just because it's Halloween, it's prom night, there's a psycho loose, it's
01:05:47pitch black outside, and I'm carrying around childhood images that are bound to screw me
01:05:51up for the rest of my life.
01:05:52I'm not afraid.
01:06:19You know, we've been married 30 years, and there's one thing I've always wanted to ask you, it's...
01:06:24What's that?
01:06:25What is your first name?
01:06:28Doctor.
01:06:29No, no.
01:06:31I mean, really?
01:06:33I'm not kidding, doctor is my first name.
01:06:36I don't have a degree in anything.
01:06:38I don't have a degree in anything.
01:06:44What's that?
01:06:46Oh, my father's name was Nurse.
01:06:55Hammy?
01:06:58Hammy?
01:07:02Hammy?
01:07:04It's dark out here.
01:07:06Don't play games.
01:07:07Hammy?
01:07:09I'm sorry I scared your date.
01:07:14Bambi, is that you?
01:07:16Is anybody there?
01:07:28I'm not gonna scream, and I'm not gonna run.
01:07:32I'm not gonna scream, and I'm not gonna run.
01:07:49Help me!
01:07:50Come on!
01:07:51Please!
01:08:08Come on!
01:08:10Come on!
01:08:11Come on!
01:08:12Come on!
01:08:32Come on!
01:08:43I'm sorry!
01:08:44I'm sorry!
01:08:46I never meant to hurt anybody!
01:08:51I take that back!
01:09:06Help!
01:09:07Help me!
01:09:08Mr. Pauls!
01:09:09Let me in!
01:09:15Mr. Pauls!
01:09:18Oh!
01:09:19Mr. Pauls!
01:09:20Oh!
01:09:21Don't you stand there!
01:09:22Help me!
01:09:23There's a Halloween pumpkin brawn lawnmower killer on the loose!
01:09:27What's that on your head?
01:09:30What's that on your head?
01:09:32I'm in deep shit now.
01:09:43Hold it!
01:09:44I'll be right with you.
01:09:47I'll be right with you.
01:09:53Okay, I'm ready now.
01:09:54Uh...
01:09:55Uh...
01:09:56Uh...
01:10:19Uh...
01:10:20I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I never meant to kill anyone.
01:10:29You asshole! Can't you stay dead?
01:10:35Marge, honey? I think we need a drink.
01:10:42Me too.
01:10:46Oh, thank God! Daddy!
01:10:48Hi, baby! Oh, help me, Daddy! Help me!
01:10:50Oh, my baby. You're so pretty. How did that happen?
01:10:54Let me see if I can put that...
01:10:56You've been a big help, Dad.
01:10:59Thanks.
01:11:02Oh, hi, Mom.
01:11:04Oh, my God.
01:11:05Hi, there!
01:11:06You sitting there?
01:11:06Huh?
01:11:08Oh, my God.
01:11:12Oh, my God.
01:11:14Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
01:11:19Oh, my God.
01:11:23walk, walk, walk, walk...
01:11:27hear a cow!
01:11:28It Hear a cow.
01:11:29I know, hear a car!
01:11:58Oh, I really don't know what to say about this.
01:12:03I'm really choked up.
01:12:06Well, thanks for electing me queen in the Halloween pumpkin prom.
01:12:14And thanks for giving me this wonderful door prize.
01:12:19In honor of this occasion, I'd like to recite a little poem that I wrote for Mare.
01:12:24Just for this, it goes something like this.
01:12:28She's lived in fear since I've known her, the mighty roar of the old lawnmower.
01:12:34Help me! Somebody!
01:12:36Norman! Norman!
01:12:39Mary? Not now. Can't you see I'm right in the middle of my...
01:12:58You're starting to piss me off.
01:13:02Don't put it in the middle of my...
01:13:08Hold him down! Hold him down! Don't trust him.
01:13:12Get back! Get back!
01:13:13Get them room to breathe!
01:13:19Nice costume.
01:13:20Oh, thanks.
01:13:21Just something I threw together at the last minute.
01:13:25That's a chance of a lifetime.
01:13:27Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
01:13:29You know, they locked me up for 13 years
01:13:32because I cracked after witnessing the lawnmower killings
01:13:34and my first day out was so bad.
01:13:38Out and wasn't.
01:13:42Thanks, Doc.
01:13:45Well, it was so bad, I saw a nurse get mauled by a werewolf,
01:13:50the lawnmower killer returned,
01:13:51and my first date in 13 years goes and gets her head chopped off.
01:14:01Anyway, we have a great show for you tonight,
01:14:03although this monologue isn't part of it.
01:14:10It's Johnny!
01:14:18So, Johnny, how have you been?
01:14:21Oh, Mary, I've been so bad.
01:14:27Whoa!
01:14:40An elephant at the Halloween pumpkin prom.
01:14:43What a cute costume.
01:14:45It's no costume, bitch.
01:14:47Hi, I'm Mary.
01:14:48Who are you?
01:14:49Bob, the elephant.
01:14:51Not you, him.
01:14:52I'm the lawnmower killer.
01:14:54Oh, come on.
01:14:55I am the lawnmower killer.
01:14:57I'm not kidding.
01:14:58Oh, you couldn't possibly be.
01:15:00Yes, yes, yes.
01:15:01He really is the lawnmower killer.
01:15:04No shit.
01:15:06I've come back after 13 years to tell everybody that I'm all better now,
01:15:11and it'll never happen again.
01:15:14Oh, so silly.
01:15:17I just want you all to know I'm very sorry.
01:15:23Oh, shit.
01:15:39You!
01:15:40Oh, God.
01:15:41But why?
01:15:43You're naughty.
01:15:44Why didn't you tell me you were back?
01:15:46I tried to tell you.
01:15:47I told them you were back.
01:15:49They wouldn't believe me.
01:15:51They thought I was crazy.
01:15:52I went crazy.
01:15:55Look, I only kill those people tonight just to prove a point.
01:15:59That's a lawnmower killer.
01:16:00Could we turn again?
01:16:02Anywhere.
01:16:03Anytime.
01:16:06Please.
01:16:14Anywhere.
01:16:15Two men judge each other by the color of their skins.
01:16:20Anywhere that people are not free to worship the religion of their choice.
01:16:25Anywhere that man is forbidden to buy a lawnmower and protect his home and his family.
01:16:34Anywhere that man is forbidden to wear a lawnmower and protect his home and protect his home and protect himself?
01:16:36Thirteen years...
01:16:38Big.
01:16:45Night, sweet prince.
01:16:49Flights of angels sing them too vibrantly.
01:16:59Well, at least we won't have to worry about the lawnmower killer ever again.
01:17:26Oh, Mary. Oh, Mary. No, my darling, you won't need these earplugs any more.
01:17:41Norman. Norman.
01:17:46Norman.
01:18:05Norman, is that you?
01:18:11Oh, no.
01:18:13Oh, no.
01:18:21Oh, no.
01:18:35Oh, no.
01:18:37Oh, no.
01:18:41Oh, no.
01:18:46Mary, what is it? What's wrong?
01:18:49Oh, nothing.
01:18:51Oh, just another lawnmower killer nightmare, huh?
01:18:55I'm so sorry, Norman. We still are unable to.
01:18:59Poor Cat.
01:19:00And we've been married now 13 months, 13 weeks, 13 days, and 1.3 hours.
01:19:09But who's counting?
01:19:11Oh, it's all right.
01:19:13But the terrible images that you must carry around with you, you're bound to be screwed up the rest of
01:19:19your life.
01:19:19Oh, Norman.
01:19:22I'm sorry.
01:19:48Daddy, what are you doing?
01:19:51Just mowing the lawn.
01:19:54Sure, Daddy.
01:19:55That's what you always say.
01:20:05Mr. George Kennedy.
01:20:08Ladies and gentlemen,
01:20:12we've made fun of a lot of things during our show,
01:20:15some of which, under other circumstances,
01:20:18would not be funny at all.
01:20:19One very serious point.
01:20:21Lawn mowers do not kill people.
01:20:24People kill people.
01:20:32Well, they do.
01:20:34Sure, Daddy.
01:20:36That's what you always say.
01:20:43Come on.
01:20:44Come on.
01:20:45Stand up.
01:20:48Oh, no.
01:20:51Oh, my God.
01:20:55Oh, my God.
01:21:09Oh, my God.
01:21:15Good.
01:21:19Nard.
01:21:24Nitwit.
01:21:29Gonard.
01:21:34Gonad.
01:21:38Oh, yes.
01:21:40Dip.
01:21:46Take it back. Otherwise, I'll hold it in and be scarred for the rest of my life.
01:21:50Harbinger, what the hell is going on here?
01:21:55Bye-bye.
01:22:00I am respected everywhere.
01:22:03Girls know it's pulling out my hair.
01:22:06I drive a car that has no span.
01:22:09Of course, I'm too tough to care.
01:22:12When I walk Rosie around.
01:22:15Beholding the sight of her mounds.
01:22:18My temperature rises.
01:22:20My soul realizes.
01:22:22She almost approaches my league when she's high.
01:22:24Don't miss, I get it!
01:22:26Ow!
01:22:35That's good.
01:22:35Black maio!
01:22:37She's the devil in disguise.
01:22:40She's got this stop of nothing look in her eye.
01:22:44Black maio!
01:22:46She's got evil in her heart.
01:22:49She's the kind of woman that can tear you apart.
01:23:05Don't let me catch you messing with my baby
01:23:11Don't wanna see you around my girl
01:23:17Don't let me catch you messing with my baby
01:23:24Nobody's gonna steal my world
01:23:40Oh, rumor has it
01:23:47No, you can't fool me
01:23:54Oh, rumor has it
01:24:08Catch us if you think you can
01:24:12But don't you get it away
01:24:15We don't really give up that
01:24:19And we're living today
01:24:21Catch us if you think you can
01:24:25We ain't gonna hang around
01:24:27Saving our lives away
01:24:30We don't care
01:24:32If you'll understand
01:24:34So can't you zip it down
01:24:46We don't care
01:24:48We don't care
01:24:54We don't care
01:25:04We don't care
01:25:05We don't care
01:25:05We don't care
01:25:06We don't care
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