00:00My name is Pella Candy, and I am on a mission.
00:03The world as we know it is falling apart,
00:06consumed by the dangers of ignorance, cowardice,
00:08and an increasing acceptance of pineapple on pizza.
00:12After graduating from the world's most prestigious art school
00:15and then working in customer service for 10 years,
00:18I realized something.
00:20I really do have the answers to solving all the world's problems.
00:24On my show, I'm the only man brave enough to educate my audience on any topic.
00:29From martial arts to alternative health remedies,
00:32I experience them so you can learn from me.
00:34But my show isn't just about education,
00:36because in each episode, I'm fixing global wealth inequality
00:40by giving away a free prize just for watching.
00:43Because I believe in the purity of my mission,
00:45I assure you, I only accept corporate sponsors
00:48who are aligned with my high standards of integrity.
00:51And best of all, I am a champion of diversity,
00:54always fighting for equity,
00:55and ensuring that on my show,
00:56inclusion is at the forefront of everything that I do.
00:59Which is why I insisted that the producers
01:02hire an attractive, blonde, female intern
01:04to work alongside me.
01:05And when they refused,
01:07I fought for women's rights
01:08by reminding them that they would look extremely sexist
01:11by not having a woman on the show.
01:15Hi, I'm Marco.
01:17My qualifications include
01:18always doing what I'm told,
01:20escaping gorilla enclosures at the zoo without assistance,
01:22and wanting to be on TV
01:24because I'm good at watching TV.
01:26I think we're going to have a great time on the show together.
01:29I have so many ideas for what we should do.
01:32This is so lucky for me
01:33because I just got fired from my job.
01:36On today's show,
01:37I will be experiencing black market food
01:39so you don't have to.
01:43I'm going to be showing you
01:44how to win a gold medal
01:46in the Special Olympics.
01:52Today, I'm going to be taking a deep dive
01:54into the world of unlicensed medical procedures.
02:06I'm going to be showing you
02:07how to beat the system
02:08so the candidate of your choice
02:10wins in the next election.
02:17I'll be experiencing guns
02:19so you don't have to.
02:25I'll be experiencing guns
02:26so you don't have to.
02:26I'm going to be experiencing guns
02:26so you don't have to.
02:26I'm going to be experiencing guns
02:26so you don't have to.
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