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00:00Lift up your dress, he murmured a command, legs apart, let me see, one more time, my face was

00:07burning and I told him he had no shame, he'd just laugh once, be good, soon enough I'd used sweet

00:15talk and gotten four years of college tuition out of him, if I disappeared one day what would you

00:19do, he smiled but his voice went cold, babe don't joke about that, I don't like it, nothing sets me

00:24off like being talked to in that tone, I deleted him on the spot, later by pure coincidence Chloe

00:28and I both landed spots in the same luxury group's maiden voyage training program, on embarkation day

00:32the heir to the whole group came aboard for an inspection, I was standing at the very back of

00:35the crowd, I looked up and saw a face I knew better than my own, before I could even process

00:38it, I watched

00:39the man's gaze land on Chloe's face and his eyes change, the man I dated online for three years

00:44suddenly standing right in front of me, the shock was too much, my mind went blank for a few seconds

00:50by the time I came back to myself, he had stopped walking, the next second he was heading straight

00:56toward us, my heart was pounding out of my chest, even lifting my eyes felt like a risk, his features

01:01were sharp, expressionless, cold radiated off every inch of him, he was wearing a black shirt I'd seen

01:07in his photos, broad shoulders exposed beneath his cuff, clean lines, restrained but str- Julian Ashfield

01:13he was taller than his pictures and better looking too, the supervisor whispered to us, Julian was here

01:19to inspect the maiden voyage training program, he told everyone not to be nervous, Julian would

01:25never notice new hires like us, the words had barely left her mouth, Julian's steps slowed half a

01:30beat, without warning a cuff cluck slipped loose from his wrist, it hit the floor and bounced twice,

01:34rolled right past my feet and came to a dead stop at Chloe's, everything around us went quiet,

01:38Julian stopped in front of us, or to be exact in front of Chloe, the two of them stood face

01:42to face,

01:42barely a step apart, one was cold, the other dazzling, they looked good together, I quieted my own

01:47breathing, only one thought left in my head, they made quite a pair, the assistant saw what happened,

01:52he moved at once to pick up the cufflink, but Julian raised a hand, he was unhurried to stop him,

01:56Chloe blinked, like she understood something instantly, she bent down and picked up the cufflink,

02:02Mr. Ashford, you dropped this, her face a little flushed, Julian didn't take it right away, instead

02:08he lowered his eyes and took two steps closer to her, I was standing nearest to Chloe, as he came

02:13closer,

02:14a faint trace of woody fragrance drift over, I knew that scent too well, it was the one year

02:19anniversary gift I'd picked out for him myself, I'd gone to store after store, testing them one

02:23by one, before I finally settled on that exact one, I pressed my lips together, and tilted my head and

02:29glanced without a change in a passion, Julian was looking at Chloe, his gaze was deep, like he truly

02:34found something he'd lost, like he was holding something down, Mr. Ashford, Chloe stood there with

02:39her hand out, when he still didn't react, Julian seemed to come back to himself, he cleared his

02:45throat and reached out to take the cufflink, his fingertips grazed lightly across Chloe's palm,

02:51Chloe, then he said her name in a low voice, yes, I'm Chloe, Mr. Ashford, Julian was quiet for two

02:57seconds, he stared at her a moment longer, only then did he turn and walk away, not until he was

03:03far

03:03gone, did I dare to breathe, I reached back and touched my spine, soaked in cold sweat, I sat back

03:09down at my station and spaced out for a long while, then I took out my phone and searched the

03:14name

03:14Julian Ashford, a whole string of shipping and finance headlines about him popped up instantly,

03:20my heart dropped, the heir to the group rarely came aboard in person, and the moment he did,

03:25he'd zeroed in on a new hire, and that was a young, pretty new hire, everyone around us caught

03:30the scent of gossip immediately, they all crowded in, I don't know Julian, that was the first time

03:35I've ever met him, but it just came back to me that we might go to the same high school,

03:38I was the

03:39school queen back then, so many boys in school had a thing for me, the people around her picked it

03:43right

03:43up, within a few lines they'd spun her a whole story about a secret crush stretching from those

03:47school days to now, the entire staff training deck was buzzing, Chloe cut them off, laughing,

03:54whatever they said after that, I didn't hear a single word, years ago, my mom worked as a live-in

04:00housekeeper at Chloe's house, once, Chloe lost a bet with some others, so they goanded her into

04:05having my mom steal my diary for her, that diary was full of the person I secretly liked, then she

04:10posted the pages on the school bolitaire board, photographed them and put them on the school

04:13forum too, after that day everyone who passed me in the hall gave me that same look of disgust,

04:17back then I truly hated her, so I stole her photos and her name and went around fooling people,

04:21when I got into a fight in an online game I said my name was Chloe, when I started trouble

04:24on a

04:24forum I said my name was Chloe, anytime I made a mess and someone came asking I gave them her

04:28name,

04:29and I waited, waited for the day someone would trace those accounts back to her and get back at

04:33her, hard, but before that day ever came, I met Julian first, Julian was a man with real breathing,

04:38measured in his words and always patient with people, and more than generous, the only problem

04:42was his sexual appetite, don't be fooled by how cold and detached he'd look standing there just now,

04:47I knew exactly what he was like in private, during those years we dated online, except the early days,

04:51I spent night after night listening and breathing heavily on the other end of the video call,

04:53saying filthy things in that same proper composed voice to use the heart of that contrast hit,

04:57some nights it left my ears burning and I couldn't help telling him he had no shame,

05:01he never got angry, just laughed low twice and went back to coax him, he insisted on meeting in person,

05:06and it wasn't until that very moment that it hit me, this whole time the identity I'd been using

05:12was Chloe's, I scrambled back through our chat history, my heart had been hanging by a thread,

05:20when I saw those words my name is Chloe it dropped all the way down, all those things said late

05:24at night,

05:24all that closeness through a screen, all those moments when I'd actually let myself believe I

05:28was loved, every last one of them, built on a lie, even my name was fake, when I finally lifted

05:32my

05:32head the girl in the mirror had eyes swollen from crying, and suddenly I sobered up, I was just an

05:37ordinary person, I didn't have Chloe's appearance, didn't have her background, didn't have that unshakable

05:41confidence of the kind that never once doubts herself, if I hadn't used her photos a man like

05:45Julian would never have looked at me twice, in the end I forced down that ache in my chest, I

05:49sent him a

05:49sentence, I'm sorry, and deleted him, three days after I cut contact Julian sent me an email, just one short

05:55line, even through the screen I could feel that panic of being left behind, too bad, I wasn't Chloe, the

06:01thought hit me, and my back went tight all at once, I looked up to find everyone around me staring,

06:06what is it?

06:07I forced to smile, they just smiled and said nothing, Nina didn't you hear just now, everyone wants to try

06:11the new ice milkshakes at the drink station, it's just over by the crew cafe, not far at all, new

06:14hires

06:14getting ordered around was nothing unusual, it was just that Chloe always knew how to fit in with these

06:18people, and all because of the way Julian had looked at her earlier, I looked at her, then at the

06:22people

06:22standing behind her, they stood by, looking like if I dared refuse, they'd step in on her behalf, in the

06:27end, I nodded, fine, Chloe was very pleased that I knew my place, as she turned away with a smile,

06:35Nina's

06:35been good at this kind of thing since she was little, so if anyone needs Erin's run, she's your

06:39guy, every new place Chloe went, she made sure to tell everyone that my mom had once been her

06:43family's housekeeper, all these years that had never changed, I was long used to it, besides, I wanted

06:51out of there anyway, I ignored her and turned to leave, but at that moment, I walked straight into a

06:56man, I looked up, it was the assistant who'd been following Julian earlier, he looked like he was in a

07:02hurry, he shoved me aside with one hand, I had no time to brace, I stumbled backward and my knee

07:07slammed hard into the corner of a desk, the pain nearly took me off my feet, he didn't offer even

07:12a word of apology, he strode to quickly up to the supervisor, excuse me, which one of you is Chloe

07:18Sinclair, Mr. Ashfield is asking for, the moment Chloe heard her own name and heard it was Julian

07:21asking for her, she came rushing over, that's me, I'm Chloe, what is it, the assistant looked her up and

07:27down, his tone turned a shade more polite, the top deck VIP concierge team is short-staffed,

07:32Mr. Ashfield, you'd go up and help out for a while, Chloe froze for a second, me, Mr. Ashfield

07:36sent you for me, personally, the assistant frowned slightly, but he nodded, yes, it's you, get your

07:40things and come with me, Chloe covered her mouth, unable to hide the delight on her face, even her

07:44steps were quicker, I don't have much, I can go right now, good, follow me, Chloe smiled, lips pressed

07:48together, before leaving, she deliberately walked around to my side, and she said with perfect innocent

07:52face, Nina, please move aside, I'm heading up to the top deck, you keep at it, maybe in 10 years

07:57we'll be

07:57working up from my knee, and quietly on the same floor again, I said nothing, Chloe walked away in her

08:01heels,

08:01following the assistant out with a bright smile, the second she was gone, the whole crowd erupted,

08:06oh my god, is she actually about to marry into the Ashford family, even if she doesn't, at least

08:10she'll be at Julian's side for a while, didn't you see it earlier, you couldn't stop staring at me,

08:13Nina, didn't you two come in together, do you know what's really going on between her and Julian,

08:16I shook my head, no idea, Chloe went up to the top deck, all of a sudden, I was the

08:20only new hire

08:21left on the staff training deck, they gossiped about her for a while, then quickly got bored of it,

08:25and turned their attention back to me, Nina, didn't you promise to get everyone drinks,

08:28you didn't forget, did you, Nina, I've got to check on this guest list for me first,

08:29and sort out the number on these welcome gift boxes while you're at it, and the gala dinner

08:31place cards need to be verified by tonight, before long, the files on my desk had piled

08:35into a small mountain, by the time I'd cleared through all of it, it was past eight at night,

08:40I stretched, and finally had a moment to pick up my phone,

08:46my dad's messes popped up immediately,

08:54I stared at the screen for a long time,

08:56my fingers were hovering over the keyboard with no idea what to say back,

08:59in the end, I just sighed,

09:01and opened up selfie three-hours show media,

09:03in the photo, she stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows on the top deck,

09:07grinning at the camera, bold and bright,

09:10my finger paused, but I couldn't help it,

09:12I tapped the photo open, in the reflection of the glass stood the silhouette of a man,

09:16he was on the other side of the room, turned in profile, as if lost in thought,

09:19even as nothing but a small blurred shatter calves instantly, it was Julian,

09:22I stared at that photo for a long time, until a voice came from above me,

09:25it's this late, what are you still doing?

09:26I was startled, shot to my feet, and grabbed the metal hole punch off the desk without thinking,

09:30standing in front of me was a short, heavy-hast man,

09:31he wore black-framed glasses, looking at me with open curiosity,

09:34I froze mid-motion, the longer I looked, the more familiar he seemed,

09:36it took me a moment to remember him, the supervisor had introduced him before,

09:39one of Julian's assistants, surnamed Charlie,

09:41I hurriedly set the thing down, and explained, a little embarrassed,

09:45I had some work to finish, I'm leaving right now,

09:47I see,

09:47assistant Charlie was clutching his stomach,

09:49two steps later, as if remembering something, he looked back at me,

09:52okay, you have a driver's license, right, can you drive?

09:54I blinked, then nodded, yes, before I could finish,

09:57his eyes lit up, and he tossed the car keys straight into my hands,

10:00perfect, my stomach is killing me, and Julian's car is parked outside the Porf,

10:03I'll send you the location, just drive it over to the VIP shutter point for me,

10:06please, I'll treat you dinner sometime, once you're done,

10:08head back to the ship on your own, the company will reimburse your cab face,

10:11I stared at the keys in my hand, completely lost,

10:15I waved my hands frantically,

10:17no, I can't, I,

10:19assistant Charlie was too busy to listen to me,

10:23clutching his stomach,

10:24he bolted straight into the restroom,

10:26I stood there for a while,

10:28assistant Charlie never came back out,

10:30in the end, I accepted my fate,

10:31took the keys, and went ashore,

10:33the night before the maiden voidage,

10:35the cruise ship was still docked in port,

10:37I pressed the key fob,

10:38not far off, a black luxury sedan lit up,

10:41I paused, walked a full circle around the car first,

10:44only then did I open the door and slide into the driver's seat,

10:46I buckled my seatbelt,

10:47and reached up to adjust the rear view mirror,

10:49the next second, through the mirror,

10:50I saw a man sitting in the back seat,

10:52his eyes right closed,

10:53he looked cold, but with an edge of laziness underneath,

10:55like he'd been drinking,

10:56my mind went blank,

10:57almost instantly, I clapped a hand over the rear view mirror,

11:00a hallucination,

11:00it had to be a hallucination,

11:02that's what I told myself,

11:03then I couldn't help it,

11:04I peeked through the gap between my fingers,

11:06in the mirror, the man had opened his eyes,

11:07those dark, unreceevaled eyes were fixed on me,

11:09I nearly stopped breathing on the spot,

11:11my hands locked onto the steering wheel,

11:13it was too late to open the door and get out now,

11:15he'd probably think I was trying to steal the car,

11:17so I forced myself to speak,

11:19keeping my voice low,

11:20Mr. Ashfield,

11:21Assistant Charlie wasn't feeling well,

11:23he asked me to drive the car to the shuttle area,

11:25I didn't know you were inside,

11:26he looked at me for a few seconds,

11:27then withdrew his gaze and gave a faint response,

11:30and immediately closed his eyes again,

11:31I let out a small breath of relief,

11:33but before I could fully exhale,

11:35another problem hit me,

11:36I turned the key over in my hand,

11:37searching for a slot,

11:38how could I start to find one,

11:39sweat was practically beating on my forehead,

11:41you can't drive,

11:42at that instant,

11:43his voice came from the back seat,

11:45I sat bolt upright,

11:47I was caught between a nod and a shake,

11:49in the end,

11:50I mumbled,

11:51a little,

11:51the truth was,

11:52I could drive an ordinary car,

11:54but I'd never so much as touch the car like this,

11:56when I get nervous,

11:57I pick at my fingers,

11:58that habit stayed with me all these years,

12:00now my mind was blank,

12:02and my fingers had already twisted together on their own,

12:04Mr. Ashford,

12:04before I could finish,

12:06I realized his gaze had dropped to my hands,

12:08a chill went down my back,

12:10I moved to pull my hands away,

12:11but he had already looked off out the window,

12:13his throat bobbed once,

12:14the car suddenly fell quiet,

12:15I secretly took out even finished typing,

12:17a shadowed look up had us down at my side,

12:19that faint woody scent wrapped around me in an instant,

12:21his voice was right against me,

12:22his warm breath grazed past my ear,

12:24my whole body went rigid,

12:25too close,

12:26close enough that I could feel the heat coming off him,

12:27close enough that I didn't dare to breathe,

12:29but Julian only stayed there a few seconds,

12:30then,

12:31as if nothing had happened,

12:31he leaned back into his seat,

12:33his expression was perfectly calm,

12:34like he really had just wanted to show me how to start the car,

12:36I barely managed to steady myself,

12:38and started the car the way he'd showed me,

12:40the whole drive,

12:41neither of us said another word,

12:43finally,

12:44we reached the shuttle area,

12:45I unbuckled my seatbelt almost instantly,

12:48without waiting for him to respond,

12:50I pushed the door open and got out,

12:51turned and hurried off,

12:53I never noticed the gaze that stayed fixed on my back the whole time,

12:57that didn't move for a long while,

12:59that night,

13:01I had a whole night of restless tangled dreams,

13:03early the next morning,

13:05I splashed some water on my face,

13:07and headed back to the ship,

13:08two dark circles under my eyes,

13:10the moment I stepped onto the staff training deck,

13:13I saw Chloe,

13:14who was supposed to be up on the top deck,

13:16sitting in the middle of the crowd,

13:17laughing happily,

13:19yes,

13:19Julian told me to come back down for now,

13:21her voice was still soft,

13:23her makeup still flawless,

13:24he said since I'm new,

13:25I shouldn't stay up on the top deck the whole time,

13:27that I should at least get to know the people down here first,

13:29he even said he was worried I'd have trouble settling in on my own,

13:33just as she said it,

13:33her eyes landed on me,

13:35she got up at once,

13:36came over all warmly,

13:37and linked her arm through mine,

13:38Nina I'm back,

13:39aren't you happy to see me,

13:40the moment she talked to me in that tone,

13:42I knew she was looking to make me the story again,

13:44I hadn't slept well the night before to begin with,

13:47the thought had barely surfaced,

13:48when I'd already pulled my arm back on instinct,

13:50everything around us went quiet,

13:52no one spoke,

13:53Chloe was still smiling at me,

13:54only her eyes had gone a shade colder,

13:56thankfully,

13:58the supervisor walked in soon after,

14:00it cut through the tension in time,

14:03everyone's here right,

14:03good timing,

14:04there's an internal welcome party tonight,

14:06a proper welcome aboard for Nina and Chloe,

14:08the moment she said it,

14:09the people around us perked right up,

14:12someone asked immediately,

14:13will Julian be there,

14:15the supervisor waved a hand,

14:16he's busy,

14:17he may not come,

14:18no need to be so tense about it,

14:19just have a good time,

14:20everyone laughed at that,

14:21and the mood loosened right up,

14:23I lowered my head,

14:24and swallowed back the refusal I'd been about to get,

14:27that evening,

14:27I'd gotten my skirt dirty hauling files at moon,

14:30so I went back to the crew quarters to change first,

14:32by the time I made it to the crew bar,

14:34things had already been in full wishing for over an hour,

14:37I pushed the door open,

14:38the lighting inside was dim,

14:40the music was a little loud,

14:41I looked up and saw Julian there,

14:42he was still in that black suit sitting in the back,

14:44with a barely touched drink in his hand,

14:46the supervisor had specifically said he might not come,

14:49my steps stopped dead,

14:50but the supervisor had sharp eyes and spotted me right away,

14:53Nina,

14:53what took you so long,

14:54come in,

14:55you're the last one,

14:56a few people nearby turned to look too,

14:58I was already standing in the doorway,

15:00nowhere to hide,

15:01so I steeled myself and walked in,

15:03coming,

15:03I could feel it,

15:05Julian seemed to turn toward me too,

15:06but I didn't dare look up,

15:08all I wanted was to find the seat farthest away and sit down,

15:11I'd taken all of two steps,

15:13sit here,

15:14you're late,

15:15so this is the only spot left,

15:16I followed the direction she was pointing,

15:18it was right beside Julian,

15:20I couldn't get a single word out,

15:22because the supervisor had already pressed me down into the seat,

15:25at least Julian was turned away,

15:27talking to the person on his other side,

15:29like he hadn't noticed me,

15:30so I could only sit there,

15:32rigid,

15:33I'd barely settled in,

15:34and the person beside me shifted,

15:36Julian shifted in his seat,

15:38the fabric of his slacks brushed lightly against my calf,

15:41my whole body froze,

15:43I quickly pulled my legs back,

15:45put some distance between us,

15:46less than half a minute of quiet,

15:48and that faint sense of touch came again,

15:50Julian moved again,

15:51that cool fabric grazed my leg again,

15:53I held my breath,

15:54but I couldn't stop myself from turning to glance at him,

15:57only to find him still talking to the person beside him,

15:59his expression was perfectly planed,

16:01like he hadn't noticed a thing,

16:02so I lowered my head,

16:03and pressed my knees tighter together,

16:05I silently prayed for all of this to be over soon,

16:08but the next second,

16:09Julian's knee pressed against mine,

16:11not hard,

16:11not light,

16:12through two layers of fabric,

16:14that small trace of warmth still drew my whole body tight,

16:17I had nowhere left to retreat,

16:19he still didn't look at me,

16:22just lowered his head and took a sip of his drink,

16:24he lifted his arm and brushed lightly against my shoulder again,

16:28I stood up all at once,

16:30my voice came out a little strained,

16:32I'm going to the restroom,

16:34I practically fled to the restroom,

16:37the corridor outside was much quieter,

16:39I walked up to the sink and turned on the tip,

16:41cold water ran over my fingers,

16:44but I still couldn't get my heartbeat down,

16:46then footsteps came from behind me,

16:48I looked up,

16:50in the mirror I saw a figure stop in the doorway,

16:52hands in his pockets,

16:54he just stood there,

16:56unhairy,

16:57my scalp preckled,

16:58Mr. Ashford,

16:59did you need the restroom too?

17:00he looked at me and answered,

17:03flat and simple,

17:05no,

17:06for a moment I didn't chime in,

17:08he was already walking towards me,

17:11he stopped very close,

17:13what are you hiding from?

17:15I shook my head at once,

17:17nothing,

17:17Nina,

17:18he looked at me in the mirror,

17:20his tone bland,

17:21like he was asking about something perfectly ordinary,

17:23is there any part of me you haven't already seen?

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