After I Stopped Loving Them - Complete Ep - Ep - FULL EP ✅ [Eng Sub] - video Dailymotion

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Transcript

00:00:02The third month, my family's kept me locked in the psych ward.

00:00:05Electrodes on my temples.

00:00:07Restraints cutting into my wrists.

00:00:09I'd lost count of how many shocks the doctor had given me.

00:00:12Please! Please! No! It's hurt!

00:00:14I'll be good! I promise!

00:00:17Stop!

00:00:18I struggled, I begged, but the doctor didn't even look up.

00:00:21The nurse pushed the door open, expressionless.

00:00:24I watched her white shoes come closer.

00:00:26Her family says, up the dose.

00:00:28The current hit.

00:00:30My body arched, then went limp.

00:00:32The last thing I saw was the white fluorescent light

00:00:34and the little red dot on the security camera blinking on and off.

00:00:38The line on the heart monitor went flat.

00:00:40I died.

00:00:41When I opened my eyes, I was standing in an old pawn shop.

00:00:44I looked down at my hands.

00:00:46Translucent.

00:00:47Welcome.

00:00:48A voice.

00:00:49Behind the counter.

00:00:50I looked up.

00:00:51A man.

00:00:5130, maybe.

00:00:52His eyes were pale gray like glass with no heat in it.

00:00:56The soul shop.

00:00:57The place where you get what you want most.

00:01:00He looked up at me.

00:01:02And what do you want?

00:01:04What do I want?

00:01:06I mumbled and clenched my fists.

00:01:08My nails dug into my palms.

00:01:09I couldn't feel the pain anymore.

00:01:12I want to live again.

00:01:15He set the cloth down.

00:01:16It won't be cheap.

00:01:18Pulled out a sheet of parchment from beneath the counter.

00:01:20Slid it across to me.

00:01:22To live again.

00:01:23You trade something of equal value.

00:01:26Do you know what's worth the most about you?

00:01:29No.

00:01:30Your ability to love.

00:01:32I froze.

00:01:34He looked at me with those pale gray eyes.

00:01:37A voice slow.

00:01:38You see.

00:01:38People like you are rare.

00:01:40You loved your parents.

00:01:41Loved your brother.

00:01:43Loved your fiance.

00:01:44You even loved the sister who took everything from you.

00:01:47Stepped on.

00:01:48Spit on.

00:01:48And you kept handing them your heart.

00:01:51Over and over.

00:01:52You're mocking me.

00:01:54I'm doing business.

00:01:56He tapped the parchment with one fingertip.

00:01:58Terms.

00:01:58You surrender your ability to love.

00:02:00I give you one more life.

00:02:02Starting the day you turned 12.

00:02:04The day they brought your sister home.

00:02:06Why that day?

00:02:07For the first time something flickered in his face.

00:02:09Almost interest.

00:02:10Because that's where your story went wrong.

00:02:13I was quiet for a long time.

00:02:15Then I looked up.

00:02:17Deal.

00:02:18I lifted my hand.

00:02:19Pressed it to the parchment.

00:02:20A gold light bloomed where my fingerprint landed.

00:02:22He took the contract back.

00:02:24Gave me the smallest nod.

00:02:25I snapped.

00:02:26May this life.

00:02:27Find yourself.

00:02:29He snapped his fingers.

00:02:30The world began to fall apart.

00:02:33Shards of light drifted down like snow.

00:02:35White light swallowed everything.

00:02:38Anya.

00:02:38What are you spacing out for?

00:02:40Our new sister's almost here.

00:02:42Let's go down and meet her.

00:02:43Hearing that name again froze me for a second.

00:02:46My eyes snapped open.

00:02:47I hadn't been called Anya in six, seven years.

00:02:49I turned and looked at my twin brother, Cole, next to me.

00:02:53Sure enough, he'd reverted to his 12-year-old self.

00:02:56A half-grown boy in a perfectly tailored suit, eyes bright with anticipation.

00:03:01One of his hands was holding my hand.

00:03:02I looked down at his slim, clean fingers.

00:03:05In my head, I saw the handprint it had left on my face when we were older.

00:03:09I frowned, yanked my arm free.

00:03:11Cole looked at me confused.

00:03:12Anya.

00:03:13What's wrong?

00:03:14The front door opened.

00:03:15My parents' voices floated up.

00:03:18Cole!

00:03:18Anya, come down!

00:03:20We've brought your sister home!

00:03:22Cole's eyes lit up.

00:03:23He dropped me and ran down the stairs alone.

00:03:25I stood at the top and watched the four of them downstairs.

00:03:28One big happy family.

00:03:30I pressed a hand to my chest.

00:03:32Strange.

00:03:34My heart was still beating calmly.

00:03:36But the knife-edge pain as before, it was totally gone.

00:03:39Cole and I are twins.

00:03:40For the first 12 years of our lives, my parents only had the two of us.

00:03:44Cole was older by two hours.

00:03:46He and our parents spoiled me into a real deal little princess.

00:03:49Someone joked to my father once.

00:03:51With a temper like your daughter's, thank God she's engaged to Felix already,

00:03:55or no one would dare marry her.

00:03:57My father's face went black.

00:03:59My daughter wasn't born to be married off.

00:04:01She can stay home for life.

00:04:04I can afford her.

00:04:05My mother and Cole didn't say a word.

00:04:07They just kept showering me with more nice things.

00:04:09A $3 million bracelet was an ordinary birthday gift back then.

00:04:13But it was also the last birthday gift I would ever get.

00:04:16The year I turned 12, an old friend of my father's died of illness.

00:04:20On his deathbed, he asked my father to take in his only daughter, Olivia.

00:04:24And after her coming, my family's love, trust, attention, all of it,

00:04:28drifted away from me a little at a time.

00:04:30But I still treated her like my own sister before my 18th birthday.

00:04:33I loved her until the moment I saw her kissing my fiancé Felix in the garden.

00:04:41I snapped.

00:04:42Why are you doing this to me?

00:04:45Do you even see what you're like right now?

00:04:47You're a lunaturk.

00:04:49Cole's eyes were full of revulsion.

00:04:51My parents said nothing.

00:04:52They watched, like everyone else.

00:04:54The pain in my chest had me shaking head to toe.

00:04:56I went at Olivia with a knife.

00:04:58But Cole kicked me into a thicket of thorns.

00:05:01Every single person there crowded around Olivia,

00:05:03trying to calm her down, begging her not to cry.

00:05:05Nobody cared that what I'd had in my hand was just a plastic knife from the cake.

00:05:09My parents had me committed, said I was mentally ill.

00:05:12Cole's kick did real damage.

00:05:14I was coughing up blood day and night.

00:05:16I begged the doctor over and over to call my parents.

00:05:19Not a single call got answered.

00:05:21Then, after another round of electroshock, I stopped breathing.

00:05:25That was when I saw it.

00:05:26The soul shock.

00:05:27The one in the rumors.

00:05:28I traded everything I had to love with for one more chance.

00:05:31This time, no one gets to hurt me.

00:05:33Aina!

00:05:34Sweetheart, come on!

00:05:35You've been waiting for a little sister, haven't you?

00:05:37My mother holding Olivia's hand, smiling, waving me down.

00:05:40Olivia tipped up her clean little face and called me sister.

00:05:43I didn't react.

00:05:44I turned and walked back into my room.

00:05:47Left the four of them looking at each other in the living room.

00:05:49My father, confused.

00:05:51What's gotten into her now?

00:05:53Who upset her?

00:05:54My mother's voice went thin.

00:05:56Maybe she just needs a minute to get used to having a younger sister.

00:06:00It's fine.

00:06:01I'll go talk to her in a bit.

00:06:02Olivia's voice cracked.

00:06:04Mom, Dad, does my sister not like me?

00:06:08Maybe I should leave.

00:06:11Before my parents could say anything, Cole jumped in.

00:06:14Anya's just a little hot-tentured.

00:06:15Don't be sad.

00:06:17I'll go tell her off in a minute.

00:06:19Cole's so grown up.

00:06:20You take good care of your sister, okay?

00:06:22Their laughter floated up through the floor.

00:06:24I stood up and started going through my things.

00:06:26Too much time had passed.

00:06:28I couldn't remember everything 12-year-old me owned.

00:06:30A closer look.

00:06:31I was almost embarrassingly rich.

00:06:33No wonder Olivia loved taking my things.

00:06:35I scooped the jewelry off the vanity and dumped it into my backpack.

00:06:39I picked up the bracelet and remembered the time she'd smashed it.

00:06:42That was the first time I'd slapped Olivia.

00:06:44She'd hidden behind the door with her eyes red, voice tiny, like I was the one who'd broken

00:06:48her favorite thing.

00:06:50Sister, I'm sorry.

00:06:51I really didn't mean to.

00:06:53I just wanted to look at it.

00:06:55It slipped.

00:06:56Then she'd burst into tears.

00:06:57My parents came running.

00:06:59Cole came running.

00:07:00She had wrapped herself around my mother's leg, sobbing like she was going to pass out.

00:07:05But the moment no one was watching, she looked up at me and smirked.

00:07:07I pointed at her, trying to tell them truth.

00:07:10Anna!

00:07:11How can you be cruel to her?

00:07:12It's just a bracelet.

00:07:13You couldn't have let her have it?

00:07:15Just a bracelet?

00:07:17That bracelet was the gift Cole had bought me with the prize money from his first IT competition,

00:07:22and he'd forgotten.

00:07:24By the time I'd packed up everything, there was a soft knock on my door.

00:07:28My mother, voice soft, almost too patient.

00:07:30Anya?

00:07:31Sweetheart?

00:07:32Come out.

00:07:32Dinner's ready.

00:07:33I didn't answer.

00:07:34I just opened the door and let her walk me down to the dining room.

00:07:38My usual seat had Olivia in it.

00:07:40My father and Cole were both putting food on her plates.

00:07:42I turned to my mother.

00:07:44Should I eat on the floor?

00:07:46Every head snapped up.

00:07:47My mother's grip on my hand tightened.

00:07:50Of course not.

00:07:51My fault.

00:07:51I forgot to have them bring you a chair.

00:07:53Anna, please get Anya a chair.

00:07:55Olivia stood up, her wide, innocent eyes filling instantly.

00:07:58Sister, I'm sorry.

00:07:59I didn't know this was your seat.

00:08:01Here, take it.

00:08:02Cole jumped up and pushed her back into the chair,

00:08:04shooting me a hard look.

00:08:05Anna, it doesn't matter where you sit.

00:08:08Olivia just got here.

00:08:09Don't scare her.

00:08:10My parents said nothing.

00:08:11They were watching me.

00:08:13So this was tacit approval.

00:08:14I took the chair from the housekeeper and dragged it to the far end of the table,

00:08:18away from all of them.

00:08:19Cole's hands stalled midair over Olivia's plate,

00:08:22and he opened his mouth a few times, closed it.

00:08:24We finished dinner in that strange, frozen quiet.

00:08:27As I stood up to head back upstairs, my father called after me.

00:08:31He cleared his throat, tried to smile.

00:08:32Hmm.

00:08:33Anya, Olivia just lost her parents.

00:08:36We're her family now.

00:08:37We should take care of her.

00:08:39My mother chimed in.

00:08:40Yeah, mom knows.

00:08:42You probably aren't used to having a sister yet.

00:08:44But look at her.

00:08:45She's so sweet.

00:08:47Try to spend time with her.

00:08:48You'll grow close.

00:08:50My voice came out flat.

00:08:51And?

00:08:52My mother froze.

00:08:53Maybe I'd never spoken to her in that tone before.

00:08:56My father took a sip of his coffee and forced a smile.

00:08:59Anya, sweetheart.

00:09:00Olivia just transferred to her new school.

00:09:02She's not doing well.

00:09:03So how about, how about you and Cole both drop back a grade

00:09:06so you can be in the same class as your sister?

00:09:09To sell it, he added quickly.

00:09:10Cole already said yes.

00:09:12We're just waiting on you.

00:09:13I looked at Cole, and he was staring at the floor.

00:09:16Couldn't meet my eyes.

00:09:18Here we go.

00:09:19Last time around, it was the same.

00:09:21They made me and Cole, who were already in 7th grade,

00:09:24drop back to 6th with Olivia.

00:09:26A year later, my childhood sweetheart Felix,

00:09:28by then thick as thieves with Olivia,

00:09:30transferred into our class on the excuse

00:09:32that he wanted to look after me.

00:09:34After that, the three of them put on their little theater every day.

00:09:37Made up stories about how I was bullying Olivia,

00:09:39got the whole class to freeze me out.

00:09:41Brilliant.

00:09:42But I wasn't going to play with elementary schoolers this time.

00:09:45Waste of a life.

00:09:46I tilted my head.

00:09:48She needs two servants just to get through school?

00:09:51My father slammed his fork down.

00:09:53Anya, what did you just say?

00:09:56I said, since Cole's already volunteered to be her servant,

00:09:59you don't need to drag me into it.

00:10:00My mother grabbed her arm, eyes wide.

00:10:02Anya, what are you saying?

00:10:04What servant?

00:10:06Your dad just wants you all to spend time together.

00:10:08Get close.

00:10:09I have no obligation to get close to her.

00:10:12Whoever wants to wait on her, can wait on her.

00:10:15I stared at Cole.

00:10:16He'd been frozen like a deer in headlights this whole time.

00:10:19It settled.

00:10:20The two of you go to elementary school.

00:10:22I'll stay in seventh grade.

00:10:23We leave each other alone.

00:10:25I turned and went upstairs.

00:10:26Left the four of them downstairs,

00:10:28consoling Olivia, who couldn't stop crying.

00:10:30Around nine that night,

00:10:31Cole knocked on my door.

00:10:33Anya, are you asleep?

00:10:36What?

00:10:36Could you open the door?

00:10:38No.

00:10:39The hall went quiet.

00:10:40Just as I thought he'd left,

00:10:41his voice came through again.

00:10:43Anya, you're upset, aren't you?

00:10:45No.

00:10:46You are.

00:10:47Anya, is it because I only paid attention to our new sister today and ignored you?

00:10:51I exhaled.

00:10:52Really?

00:10:52No.

00:10:53Cole, you can get close to whoever you want.

00:10:55I don't care.

00:10:56The hall went quiet again.

00:10:57After a long pause, his voice came back.

00:10:59There was something tired in it.

00:11:00Anya, Olivia, she's really pitiful.

00:11:03She's got such a soft heart.

00:11:04I'm scared she'll get pushed around.

00:11:05Anya, let me stay with her for a year.

00:11:08Once she settles in, I'll transfer back to your school, okay?

00:11:10Right, right, right.

00:11:12The school is funded by your family.

00:11:14You can do whatever you want.

00:11:16Slid my noise-canceling earplugs in, got into bed.

00:11:19The next morning, I walked into the living room with my suitcase and my backpack.

00:11:23Everyone froze.

00:11:26I looked up and saw Felix sitting next to Olivia, my future fiancé,

00:11:30the man who would one day betray me for Olivia.

00:11:32At 12, he was already a head taller than Cole.

00:11:35The moment he saw me, he jumped up, his soft hazel eyes crinkling, voice all bright.

00:11:40Anya, I'm here to walk you to school.

00:11:42I looked down, saw Olivia's hand still wrapped around his arm.

00:11:45You don't need to walk me anywhere.

00:11:47Ever.

00:11:48If you want to walk someone else, go ahead.

00:11:50Why?

00:11:50I gestured at the suitcase behind me.

00:11:52Felix wasn't the only one looking lost.

00:11:54So were my parents.

00:11:56So was Cole.

00:11:56Anna?

00:11:57What's that?

00:11:58Cole's eyes were red-rimmed.

00:12:00Clothes.

00:12:01And some things I need.

00:12:02And my jewelry.

00:12:03I won't give them up this time.

00:12:04Forgot to mention, starting today, I'm leaving here.

00:12:09What?

00:12:10What?

00:12:11All of them at once.

00:12:13My father came over, cold-faced, and crouched down to look at me.

00:12:17Anya, why?

00:12:18Is home not good enough?

00:12:20Where do you even want to go?

00:12:22Boarding school.

00:12:23I set it flat.

00:12:24His hands on my hair was shaking a little.

00:12:25He glanced back at Olivia, hesitant.

00:12:27Is it because...

00:12:28Because of Olivia?

00:12:29Before I could react, Olivia bit her lip and let out a soft, choked sob.

00:12:32What are you saying?

00:12:34Of course not.

00:12:35Anya, you tell us yourself.

00:12:36Why are you boarding at school?

00:12:38It can't be because of your sister.

00:12:39You love her, don't you?

00:12:40Every face in the room was waiting.

00:12:42Hopeful.

00:12:43They wanted me to say yes.

00:12:44I love her.

00:12:45I want to board because I'm being a brat.

00:12:46But I make it my job to disappoint people.

00:12:48No, I don't love her.

00:12:50I hate her.

00:12:51And it's not just her.

00:12:52I hate every single one of you.

00:12:54Their faces went bone white.

00:12:55Only Felix didn't really react.

00:12:57He looked like he thought I was throwing a jealous fit.

00:12:59His face was full of patience and wry indulgence.

00:13:01When I dragged my suitcase past him, he even reached out to help me carry it.

00:13:04I dodged.

00:13:05He didn't get angry, just kept trailing me.

00:13:07My parents tried to come after me, but Olivia's sobbing cut them off.

00:13:11Mom.

00:13:12Dad.

00:13:13Send me to an orphan.

00:13:15I don't deserve to be here.

00:13:17Of course, more cooing, more comfort.

00:13:19The only odd thing was that Cole, for the first time, didn't say a word.

00:13:22Felix was still on my heels and climbed straight into my car.

00:13:25Get in your own car.

00:13:26No, I'm not going.

00:13:27I'm coming with you.

00:13:29My fingertips twitched.

00:13:30Last life around, the same.

00:13:31When everyone else turned on me, the only one who didn't take Olivia's side was Felix.

00:13:35He'd stand behind me when she set me up.

00:13:37He'd snap back at Cole when Cole yelled at me.

00:13:39When my parents got more and more disappointed in me, he'd hold me and say softly,

00:13:43Anya, don't be scared.

00:13:45You've got me.

00:13:46I'll always just love you.

00:13:48I'd clung to him like a drowning person clings to a piece of wood.

00:13:51Until our 14th birthday.

00:13:52Olivia collapsed out of nowhere.

00:13:53Felix, faster than anyone, shoved me out of the way and caught her.

00:13:56A fake medium he'd personally brought immediately took the chance and announced my name was bad luck

00:14:01and it was crushing Olivia's fortune.

00:14:03What a flimsy escape.

00:14:04I still remember the shock and embarrassment on every guest's face that night.

00:14:07Every adult in the room could see it for what it was.

00:14:09A staged public humiliation.

00:14:11But my parents took me to get my name legally changed without a single argument.

00:14:15From that day forward, the name I'd had for 14 years, Anya, became a banned word in our house

00:14:19since they called me Mia.

00:14:20Mia.

00:14:21A name picked to protect Olivia.

00:14:23I hated it.

00:14:23I hated it until the day I died.

00:14:26I didn't answer Felix if he'd be transferring to Olivia's class in a few weeks anyway.

00:14:30I took my paperwork and my boarding fee straight to the dorm supervisor.

00:14:33When Felix saw me actually hand the money over, the casual look fell off his face.

00:14:37He finally got it.

00:14:38I wasn't joking around.

00:14:39Anya?

00:14:40Confusion was thick in his eyes.

00:14:42Why do you hate me too?

00:14:43What did I do wrong?

00:14:44His fingers caught at my sleeve carefully and I slapped his hand off hard.

00:14:48Disgust all over my face.

00:14:49Wiped at my sleeve with a tissue.

00:14:51His voice caught in his throat.

00:14:52Anya.

00:14:52I walked off down the hallway to the head's office.

00:14:55Before first period started, I requested a transfer to a new class.

00:14:58When I came around the corner with an armful of books, I saw Felix again.

00:15:02Eyes red.

00:15:03He looked at the books in my arms and his face crumpled.

00:15:06Anya.

00:15:07Don't transfer.

00:15:08Please.

00:15:09In that exact moment, a basketball came flying out of room 7B and clocked him square in the head.

00:15:14I dodged with the books and slipped into the classroom.

00:15:16Felix went down the hallway, caused a stir.

00:15:19A boy in the classroom was still in his shooting follow-through.

00:15:21His uniform hung loose on him.

00:15:23His mouth was stretched into an exaggerated...

00:15:25Whoa.

00:15:25Sorry.

00:15:26Didn't mean to hit anyone.

00:15:27You good, man?

00:15:28I glanced at him.

00:15:29Walked past with my books.

00:15:30I might have been imagining it, but his arm went stiff for a second.

00:15:33Then he leaned on a desk with one hand and pointed casually at the seat next to him.

00:15:37Voice all swagger.

00:15:38Past that is the trash can.

00:15:40Maybe sit next to me?

00:15:43I looked at him.

00:15:44He looked away fast.

00:15:47Uh.

00:15:47The teacher said a new student was coming.

00:15:49Told the class principal.

00:15:51Told me to look out for her.

00:15:53He rubbed his face.

00:15:54Rubbed it so hard his ears went red.

00:15:55Class president of 7B, Jace, the certified troublemaker.

00:15:59The kids around me were either laughing at Felix on the floor or sneaking looks at us.

00:16:03I sighed.

00:16:047B's bad reputation was earned.

00:16:06I pressed my lips together.

00:16:08Thanks.

00:16:09I prefer to sit alone.

00:16:10I put my books down at the desk at the very back against the wall.

00:16:14Jace looked annoyed at himself.

00:16:15His voice got urgent.

00:16:16Hey, you!

00:16:17Don't sit there.

00:16:18Trade with me.

00:16:18I'm taller.

00:16:19I'll block your view of the board.

00:16:21Before I could say no, Felix burst in.

00:16:22Face streaked with dust.

00:16:24Slammed his hands on my books.

00:16:25Anya.

00:16:26Come back with me.

00:16:29Let go.

00:16:31No.

00:16:32Bro.

00:16:33Are you done with the drama?

00:16:34Jace looked at him like he was something stuck to his shoe.

00:16:37She wants to be in our class.

00:16:38Who asked you?

00:16:39Someone from the doorway tossed Jace another ball.

00:16:41He balanced it on one finger, spinning, and gave Felix a look that was pure dare.

00:16:45Felix ground his teeth, looked down at me.

00:16:47I was already organizing my desk.

00:16:49Get out.

00:16:49The bell rang.

00:16:50Felix's hand clenched.

00:16:53Anya.

00:16:53I didn't answer.

00:16:54He gave up, shot Jace a venomous look, walked out.

00:16:57I exhaled.

00:17:01Thanks.

00:17:02Wait.

00:17:03You talking to me?

00:17:04I nodded.

00:17:05He suddenly stood up straight as a board and chucked the basketball at the trash can behind me.

00:17:08I stared.

00:17:09Didn't know what just happened.

00:17:10His face went redder.

00:17:11Reflex.

00:17:12Don't mention it.

00:17:13I caught myself smiling.

00:17:15He went even stiffer.

00:17:17Jace ended up trading seats with me anyway.

00:17:19I told him over and over.

00:17:20It was winter.

00:17:21The trash got emptied off in.

00:17:22There was no smell.

00:17:23But he was firm.

00:17:24He moved me up to the front.

00:17:25You're obviously a neat freak.

00:17:27And a good student.

00:17:28No way I'm letting you sit back there.

00:17:30Like he decided to be the world's most committed class president.

00:17:33He handled every detail of my class transfer.

00:17:35So when the teacher pulled us aside and asked if I could help bring his grades up, I hesitated, then

00:17:39nodded.

00:17:39School life was dry but full.

00:17:41To stay away from home, I signed up for every tutoring program I could find on weekends.

00:17:45Summer and winter breaks, I packed myself off to camps abroad.

00:17:48School work aside, I was starting to look outward.

00:17:50See the world.

00:17:51At first my parents came to school every few days.

00:17:53Then since I always looked at them blankly, they stopped coming.

00:17:56Every so often there was a phone call.

00:17:58They'd sigh into the phone.

00:18:00Anya, we just want you girls to get along.

00:18:03Olivia really misses you.

00:18:05You're not coming home this weekend?

00:18:06No.

00:18:08I didn't say much.

00:18:09Conversations got awkward fat.

00:18:10I just hang up.

00:18:11They said I'm weird and unlikable now.

00:18:12They were right.

00:18:13I didn't have the ability to be adorable.

00:18:15But my brother Cole came every day.

00:18:17Without fail, he carried meals from home, running between the elementary school and the middle school.

00:18:21Sometimes Olivia trailed after him out of breath.

00:18:23She looked at me like I was the villain.

00:18:25Sister, our brother is killing himself doing this.

00:18:28Just be nice and come to our class.

00:18:30I took the meal box from Cole and sat down to eat.

00:18:32Olivia bit her lip, eyes wet, looked at Cole.

00:18:35He wiped sweat off his forehead and gave her a generous big brother smile.

00:18:38It's nothing.

00:18:39Anya, the school food's terrible.

00:18:41I'll bring you home cooking every day.

00:18:43I ignored him.

00:18:43He didn't get angry.

00:18:44When I finished eating, he'd take the empty container and run back to elementary school.

00:18:48Felix came less and less.

00:18:49He stopped pushing me to engage with him.

00:18:51He just spent every break standing by the window, glancing over at me like he wasn't.

00:18:54I pretended I couldn't see.

00:18:57The days went by.

00:18:59The day before my 14th birthday, my parents showed up at the school.

00:19:02Unusually, Cole was with them.

00:19:03When they saw me, both of them did a little double take.

00:19:06My mother's hands shook a bit as she grabbed my arm.

00:19:08You've gotten taller again.

00:19:10Sweetheart, it's been so long since you came home.

00:19:12Her eyes went pink and set off my father's, too.

00:19:15There was a catch in his voice.

00:19:17Yeah, Anya, your birthday is tomorrow.

00:19:20We've got everything set up.

00:19:21Come home, okay?

00:19:21Like he was scared I'd refuse, Cole added quickly.

00:19:24You can invite your friends.

00:19:25Classmates, you didn't come home last year.

00:19:28We waited up the whole night.

00:19:29Right.

00:19:30On my birthday last year, Jace had found out somehow.

00:19:33He dragged the whole goofy crew from class and announced we were going horseback riding.

00:19:37Anya, can you, like, open up a little?

00:19:40I looked at him, lost.

00:19:42He pulled at the corners of his own mouth with two fingers.

00:19:45It's your birthday.

00:19:46Quit being all uptight.

00:19:47Smile.

00:19:48He was sitting up on a tall chestnut horse.

00:19:50Happy birthday.

00:19:51Son behind him, head tilted to look at me.

00:19:53Thanks.

00:19:56I sat up on the horse, wind in my ears, felt something inside me that had been locked tight.

00:20:01Easy.

00:20:02It wasn't until the next day that I saw all the missed calls from my family.

00:20:06And the pile of birthday gifts Cole had brought to the front of my classroom.

00:20:11I was surprised.

00:20:12Last time, my 12th birthday was the last time I got a gift.

00:20:16Anya, come home tomorrow.

00:20:18Cole kept going, but when I turned, I saw Olivia holding onto Felix's arm.

00:20:21That memorable naming ceremony night, the nausea was still in me.

00:20:25I frowned without meaning to.

00:20:27Felix yanked his arm out of her hand, fast.

00:20:29I've been looking for you.

00:20:30Olivia said you were here.

00:20:32She brought me.

00:20:33I just...

00:20:34You don't have to explain.

00:20:35I cut him off.

00:20:35I'm busy tomorrow.

00:20:37I'm not coming home.

00:20:39Anya.

00:20:40I turned and went back into the classroom.

00:20:42Behind me, my mother have started crying.

00:20:44As I turned the corner, I heard a heavy sigh.

00:20:48Honey, did we...

00:20:49We do this wrong?

00:20:53But I don't care about them anymore.

00:20:55Right now, I had a butter knife in my hand, and I was carefully cutting into a cake that

00:20:58said, happy birthday, Anya.

00:20:59The class turned off the lights, and the warm wash of candlelight everyone sang.

00:21:04Anya, make a wish.

00:21:06I closed my eyes for a second.

00:21:07Wished.

00:21:08With my whole soul.

00:21:09Please, whoever's listening.

00:21:10Keep me far away from those people this lifetime.

00:21:12When I opened my eyes, Jace was standing in front of me with a small, wrapped box.

00:21:16Anya, happy birthday.

00:21:17Open it.

00:21:18I smiled and opened it.

00:21:20Froze.

00:21:20A hair clip studded with crystals.

00:21:22What?

00:21:22You don't like it?

00:21:23Should have asked you first.

00:21:24He scratched at his head, frustrated.

00:21:25The other day, I saw you staring at a hair clip on the sidewalk.

00:21:28That one was cheap, so I found a better one.

00:21:30I love it.

00:21:32He froze.

00:21:33I picked up the clip and put it in my hair.

00:21:37His eyes had that soft, littering thing happening.

00:21:39No problem.

00:21:40As long as you like it.

00:21:41It's really pretty.

00:21:42It was.

00:21:43Very pretty.

00:21:44A piece by the international designer, Victor, from his Starlight Collection.

00:21:47When I was 17, I'd seen it at an auction and fallen in love with it.

00:21:51I thought my mother would love it, too.

00:21:52I'd brought five years of saved up money.

00:21:55Started bidding.

00:21:56But that day, no matter what I bid, Olivia bid a dollar higher.

00:21:59In the end, my mother stepped in and bought the piece for $30 million.

00:22:04Absurd price.

00:22:05And she put it in Olivia's hair.

00:22:07They said,

00:22:07You have everything.

00:22:09Why fight a little girl over this?

00:22:11Olivia wore it in front of me every single day, showing off.

00:22:13Mia, it's the gift from mom, but I can give it to you if you beg me.

00:22:17That hair clip became one of my obsessions.

00:22:20And here it was in my palm, three years earlier than it should have been.

00:22:23My eyes filled before I knew it.

00:22:26All of you.

00:22:27Really.

00:22:28It was strange.

00:22:29The heart I'd thought was dead started slowly to beat again.

00:22:35After that day, my family started bothering me less.

00:22:38Even Cole and Felix, the daily fixtures, disappeared for a long stretch.

00:22:41It took the class gossip queen to fill me in.

00:22:45Olivia got crazy.

00:22:46She couldn't bear my parents or Cole, leaving her side for a second.

00:22:50I heard your mom mention sending her to a school abroad, and she snapped.

00:22:53Like, totally.

00:22:54Word is, she's even tried to hurt herself.

00:22:56She wanted to recover at home, but she won't let Cole come to school either.

00:22:59Whole family has to camp at home with her.

00:23:00Felix, too.

00:23:01She won't let go of him.

00:23:02His family's having a huge fight with yours about it.

00:23:04I gripped my pen tighter.

00:23:05This was exactly what I'd done in my last life.

00:23:07The more they ignored you, the harder you reached for attention.

00:23:10Tantrums, screaming, all of it.

00:23:12Like a lunatic, except she was luckier than I'd been.

00:23:15Her family was patient with her.

00:23:16I was relieved.

00:23:17Not that any of it was my problem.

00:23:19With no one bothering me, I dragged the whole class into intense study mode.

00:23:22If someone slacked, Jace intimidated them.

00:23:25Six months later, we all got into the best high school in the city.

00:23:28I didn't go home once that summer.

00:23:30I went up Mount Kazbek with Jace's family.

00:23:32Turns out his parents were professional climbers.

00:23:34They'd originally planned to summit Mont Blanc.

00:23:36But you had to be 16 to climb Mont Blanc.

00:23:38Jace and I were both too young.

00:23:40Anya, hot tea.

00:23:42Jace's mother had a soft spot for me from day one.

00:23:44The gorgeous woman with sharp eyes would pull me into a hug and refuse to let go.

00:23:48Anya, you're so cute.

00:23:49So pretty.

00:23:51I'm in love.

00:23:51Be my daughter.

00:23:52Did a family.

00:23:53Honestly, why is my kid a son?

00:23:54Doesn't make sense.

00:23:55Mom, please, be reasonable.

00:23:56Why is your kid a son?

00:23:57Because you don't have a daughter.

00:23:59His father's laugh thundered.

00:24:00The whole summit echoed with it.

00:24:02I caught my breath and looked out at the white world below.

00:24:05Jace shook out a blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders.

00:24:08I turned and saw his parents huddled together, grinning at us like idiots.

00:24:11But the moment we looked back, they snapped their heads away.

00:24:14Beautiful mountain.

00:24:16Beautiful snow.

00:24:18Beautiful young time.

00:24:20Jace's face was red and I couldn't help it.

00:24:23The corner of my mouth turned up.

00:24:27I didn't enroll in the private high school my family owned shares in.

00:24:30Cole lost it and he left Olivia, who was getting sicker by the day,

00:24:33and skipped a grade so he could be a high school freshman with me.

00:24:37Felix fought his own family.

00:24:39His mother locked him in his room and that ridiculous engagement

00:24:42I'd already brushed off as a joke before summer break.

00:24:45Mrs. Adler, please, keep an eye on your son.

00:24:48Don't let him keep chasing me.

00:24:49I told his mother without mercy.

00:24:50I told the school in advance to turn away outside visitors.

00:24:54So in three years, I saw them maybe four or five times total.

00:24:57The day after the SAT, my parents, who I hadn't seen in forever,

00:25:01ambushed me at the school gate.

00:25:03I didn't get out fast enough.

00:25:04I don't know how, but the two of them looked like they'd aged 10 years.

00:25:08My mother walked toward me with this pleading smile.

00:25:10I stepped back without thinking.

00:25:12She froze, then covered her mouth and crumpled into my father's chest, sobbing.

00:25:16He started crying too.

00:25:19Anya, mom missed you so much.

00:25:22Let me hug you, please.

00:25:23I frowned without meaning to.

00:25:25Who do you miss?

00:25:26Who do you want to hug?

00:25:27Me?

00:25:28You already have a son and a daughter.

00:25:29Smart son who adores his sister.

00:25:31Sweet, well-behaved daughter who respects her parents.

00:25:34Why would you miss me?

00:25:36My mother's sobs stopped cold.

00:25:38She looked up at me, panic on her face.

00:25:40She started shaking.

00:25:43No, that's not, that's not real.

00:25:45That was a dream.

00:25:45That wasn't real.

00:25:46She kept shaking her head, mumbling to herself.

00:25:48My father grabbed her, alarmed.

00:25:53Anya, what did you do to your mother?

00:25:55I'm a full meter away from her.

00:25:56I haven't laid a finger on her, Mr. Linster.

00:25:58What did you just call me?

00:26:00Mr. Linster?

00:26:01Anya, are you losing your mind?

00:26:02Your mother and I came all the way here for you, and this is how you-

00:26:05I thought my attitude was fine.

00:26:07Way better than how they'd treated me in my last life.

00:26:09I shrugged, stepped back.

00:26:11See you.

00:26:12Stop right there!

00:26:14He reached for my arm.

00:26:15I dodged.

00:26:17What, you want to hit me, Mr. Linchwesky?

00:26:20I think we've spoiled you rotten.

00:26:22You need a lesson.

00:26:23His hand came up.

00:26:25My mother let out a scream that tore out of her chest.

00:26:27No!

00:26:29Don't hit her!

00:26:30She grabbed his arm, sobbing so hard her legs gave out, and ended up on the ground.

00:26:34That's why she hates me so much.

00:26:36She covered her face with her hands and laughed and cried into the pavement.

00:26:40I turned to leave, and behind me, Jace's mother yelled joyfully,

00:26:43Sweetheart, over here!

00:26:44She and Jace's father were each holding a bouquet, waving at me hard.

00:26:48Jace also stood beside them.

00:26:50I went up on my toes and yelled back,

00:26:52Auntie!

00:26:53I ran to her.

00:26:54She tossed her flowers at Jace and grabbed me and spun me in a full circle.

00:26:58Feels better now that it's over, right?

00:27:00Take a few days.

00:27:01Then we montblanc, here we come.

00:27:03Um, yes.

00:27:03Jace took my bag.

00:27:04His dad pressed an ice cream into my hand.

00:27:07The four of us walked off together, laughing,

00:27:08and behind us, two figures stood frozen, getting smaller and smaller in the distance.

00:27:14The day we flew to France, Jace's dad was driving, his mom was in the passenger seat humming,

00:27:19and both of them lit up.

00:27:21Jace and I, on the other hand, hit the back seats and were out cold.

00:27:25I figured we'd sleep all the way to the airport,

00:27:27and then his dad slammed on the brakes and our heads cracked into the seat back.

00:27:31When I opened my eyes, a dark figure had launched in front of the car.

00:27:34If his dad's brakes hadn't been fast, the guy would have gone flying.

00:27:39Insurance scam?

00:27:40We piled out, but the man on his knees in front of the car was Cole.

00:27:44I hadn't seen him in a year.

00:27:45The sight of him was a shock.

00:27:46He was so thin, painfully thin.

00:27:49Middle of summer, and he was bundled head to toe in heavy clothing,

00:27:52and his exposed face was covered in marks.

00:27:55Like claw marks, fingernails, old ones layered with new.

00:27:58A handsome face, basically ruined.

00:28:01I jumped.

00:28:02Jace and his dad immediately stepped in front of me and his mom.

00:28:05You sick, man?

00:28:06You want to play in traffic?

00:28:07Jace went full volume.

00:28:08I gave him a quiet thumbs up.

00:28:09He winked.

00:28:10Cole snapped like a stray dog gone feral.

00:28:13He slammed past Jace and threw himself at me.

00:28:15His whole body was shaking, his red raw eyes pouring tears.

00:28:18Please forgive us.

00:28:19Come home and see mom.

00:28:20She's dying.

00:28:20I'm begging you.

00:28:21He was strong out of his mind.

00:28:23Both Jace's parents together couldn't pull him off me.

00:28:26Jace lost it.

00:28:27He grabbed a tire iron out of the trunk

00:28:29and went to swing it at Cole's head.

00:28:31Jake, don't!

00:28:32I yanked Cole down with me toward the curb.

00:28:35Jace, drop it.

00:28:36Honey.

00:28:36His mother and I shouted at the same time,

00:28:38and it finally pulled him back.

00:28:40The tire iron fell, cracked the pavement.

00:28:43Was he insane?

00:28:44You go to prison for killing someone?

00:28:46I looked at Jace, heart still hammering.

00:28:49He was more shaken than I was,

00:28:50jaw locked, veins standing out in his neck.

00:28:53Something flickered.

00:28:54I felt like I'd seen this exact moment before,

00:28:56and I shook my head.

00:28:57Sweat ran down off my hairline,

00:28:59and I gave in, looked at Cole.

00:29:03I'll go with you.

00:29:04Let go.

00:29:05You're hurting me.

00:29:06Jace and his parents worried about me,

00:29:08so they drove me and Cole home.

00:29:10Cole was not okay.

00:29:11He huddled against the car window,

00:29:13shaking, mumbling, garbled stuff.

00:29:15He turned to Jace.

00:29:18I've seen you before.

00:29:19It was you.

00:29:20It was you!

00:29:21I looked at Jace.

00:29:22His face was cold, blank.

00:29:24He also didn't look like himself.

00:29:26My heart skipped.

00:29:27I grabbed his arm.

00:29:29Jace?

00:29:29A grin appeared on his mouth.

00:29:30Your humble servant, at your command, my lady.

00:29:33Okay.

00:29:34Not body snatched.

00:29:35That weird.

00:29:36Definitely him.

00:29:37But Cole was looking at us with more horror now.

00:29:39He shrank further into the window.

00:29:41Already thin, next to Jace's broader build,

00:29:43he looked like a ghost.

00:29:44I felt uneasy.

00:29:45So I took Jace's hand,

00:29:47and before I could say anything,

00:29:48his face flushed all the way to his ears.

00:29:50Idiot.

00:29:52Back at the Lindquist house,

00:29:53I didn't know where to look first.

00:29:55The front door, painted over with vicious letters in red,

00:29:58Die Slow.

00:29:59Whole family burn.

00:30:01Hypocrites.

00:30:01Jace stepped around the paint,

00:30:02pushed the half-open door.

00:30:04The living room came into view.

00:30:05Tables smashed.

00:30:06Chairs broken.

00:30:07Couch.

00:30:08Scorched.

00:30:09The spiral staircase had bloody clothes scattered all the way up.

00:30:11I covered my mouth, came close to throwing up.

00:30:14Jace's mom was furious and scared at the same time.

00:30:16She wanted to take me right back out,

00:30:17but Jace, for once, stopped her.

00:30:19Mom, this needs an ending.

00:30:23This is Anya's call.

00:30:25Let her decide.

00:30:26I made a fist, looked at Cole,

00:30:27who'd been silent since we walked in.

00:30:29You dragged me here and now you've gone mute?

00:30:31Where are your parents?

00:30:32Where's your sister?

00:30:33His body swayed,

00:30:34his chapped lips trembled.

00:30:36Dad's in the ER.

00:30:37Mom's in her room.

00:30:39Olivius is in a psych ward.

00:30:40My chest tightened.

00:30:41You lied to me.

00:30:42You said everyone was home.

00:30:44You said mom was just sick.

00:30:45It's not just my mom.

00:30:46She's our mom, Anaya.

00:30:48She's not.

00:30:49I was breathing wrong.

00:30:50You brought me here for what?

00:30:51I tensed, shifted my weight,

00:30:53blocked Auntie behind me.

00:30:54No, no.

00:30:54I'm not here to hurt you.

00:30:56I swear.

00:30:57Mom is really dying.

00:30:59She...

00:30:59He didn't finish

00:31:01before my mother came stumbling out of her bedroom

00:31:03in a giant nightgown,

00:31:05hair everywhere,

00:31:05face hollowed out.

00:31:06The second she saw me,

00:31:07she nearly tumbled down the stairs.

00:31:09Anya.

00:31:10My Anya.

00:31:11Sweetheart.

00:31:12Are you hurt?

00:31:13Are you hurt?

00:31:14Anya.

00:31:15My baby girl.

00:31:17I'm so sorry.

00:31:19It's all my fault,

00:31:20my sweet girl.

00:31:21I shouldn't have let those people

00:31:23take you away.

00:31:24Were you scared?

00:31:26My Anya?

00:31:27Two tears fell from her eyes

00:31:28onto the back of her hand.

00:31:30Both of us froze.

00:31:31She knew she had the memory

00:31:32of last life.

00:31:33She was crying for the version of herself

00:31:35who watched her daughter

00:31:35get dragged into a psych ward

00:31:37sobbing until she vomited blood.

00:31:38Crying for the version of herself

00:31:40who let her daughter cling to a car door,

00:31:42begging to be hugged one more time,

00:31:43and turned away.

00:31:45Mia, stop with this insanity.

00:31:46Without you,

00:31:47I still have my son and daughter.

00:31:48My son is sweet and smart

00:31:50and adores his sister.

00:31:51My daughter is gentle and respectful.

00:31:53I can't imagine how I ended up

00:31:55with a neurotic mess like you.

00:31:56You're an embarrassment to this family.

00:31:58An embarrassment to this family.

00:31:59That was the last thing

00:32:00my mother had said to me

00:32:01in my last life.

00:32:02I'd realized a while back

00:32:03she was starting to get

00:32:03her memories back too.

00:32:05The headmaster had asked me once,

00:32:06confused,

00:32:07if I had a nickname,

00:32:08Mia.

00:32:08Um,

00:32:09your mom texts me a lot,

00:32:10asked me to look after you.

00:32:11It was always normal.

00:32:12But the past two weeks,

00:32:14she keeps getting your name wrong.

00:32:15She thought it was a dream

00:32:16or she'd lied to herself

00:32:18that it was a dream.

00:32:19But then she heard me.

00:32:20She realized it had all really happened

00:32:21and she broke.

00:32:22Cole,

00:32:23send your mother to a psych ward.

00:32:25She's a better fit for the place

00:32:26than Olivia ever was.

00:32:27Cole,

00:32:28who had only been weeping,

00:32:29raised his head,

00:32:29looked at our increasingly unhinged mother

00:32:31and dropped to his knees.

00:32:33While we waited for the doctor,

00:32:35I finally pieced together

00:32:36from Cole's broken account

00:32:37what had happened.

00:32:38Three years ago,

00:32:38Olivia had overheard our mother

00:32:40say she regretted adopting her.

00:32:41That broke something in her.

00:32:42The soft sweetness vanished.

00:32:44She turned obsessive.

00:32:45Vicious.

00:32:46Vicious to everyone.

00:32:46Worse to herself.

00:32:47She started cutting herself.

00:32:49Middle of the night,

00:32:50she'd take a knife

00:32:50into our parents' bedroom,

00:32:51slice open her arm,

00:32:53bleed.

00:32:53Cutting and crying,

00:32:54telling them how her father

00:32:55had begged ours to take her in,

00:32:56saying she loved them,

00:32:57saying she couldn't be abandoned.

00:32:59The whole family was terrified.

00:33:00No one dared say the words,

00:33:01send her away again.

00:33:03They watched her even more carefully,

00:33:04used to be out of love.

00:33:05Now it was fear,

00:33:07but she still felt unsafe.

00:33:08She started demanding

00:33:09everyone be with her,

00:33:10day and night.

00:33:11If anyone left,

00:33:12she screamed and clawed

00:33:13at whatever was in reach.

00:33:14Cole and Felix dropped out of school

00:33:15because she'd clawed up their faces.

00:33:17And that's why Felix's family

00:33:18had gone to war with mine

00:33:19a month before.

00:33:20My mother was already

00:33:21not right in the head.

00:33:22She would sit alone in a room

00:33:23and call out softly,

00:33:24My girl.

00:33:25My girl.

00:33:26Olivia,

00:33:26thinking her adoptive mother

00:33:27had finally come around,

00:33:28ran in to throw her arms around her.

00:33:30My mother shoved her heart

00:33:31onto the floor.

00:33:32The softness was gone.

00:33:33The way she looked at Olivia

00:33:34was pure revulsion.

00:33:35Olivia finally understood.

00:33:37She wasn't the girl being called.

00:33:38Her adoptive mother

00:33:39was calling someone else.

00:33:40Someone invisible.

00:33:41Her real daughter.

00:33:42Olivia couldn't take the humiliation.

00:33:43She started torturing

00:33:44all of them harder.

00:33:45When she overheard my parents

00:33:46talking about cutting her loose

00:33:47the day she turned 18,

00:33:49she got out the paint

00:33:49and ruined the whole front

00:33:50of the house.

00:33:51I'll expose you.

00:33:52You abused a dead man's daughter.

00:33:54May you all rot.

00:33:55The night before college

00:33:56application deadlines,

00:33:57she demanded that Cole

00:33:58stay up and take her to a bar.

00:33:59When Cole flatly said

00:34:00he didn't want to,

00:34:01she sliced her wrist.

00:34:02Cole panicked,

00:34:03bandaged her,

00:34:04and went.

00:34:05She drugged his drink.

00:34:06By the time Cole came to,

00:34:07it was late the next afternoon.

00:34:08Cole,

00:34:10I matter more than the college, right?

00:34:12I'm the most important, right?

00:34:14Cole shut himself in his room

00:34:15and refused to come out.

00:34:16What was harder to believe

00:34:17was that she'd used my name

00:34:18to lure Felix out too.

00:34:20Cole said Felix's drink

00:34:21wasn't drugged.

00:34:22At least before he passed out,

00:34:23Felix had been completely alert.

00:34:25Somehow, Felix didn't make it

00:34:26to the application either.

00:34:27Felix's father showed up

00:34:28at our house with men.

00:34:29The men he brought

00:34:30stabbed my father

00:34:31and dragged Olivia

00:34:32to a psych ward.

00:34:34My mother was still

00:34:35wildly unstable,

00:34:36especially after the doctors arrived.

00:34:38She wrapped both arms around me

00:34:39and wouldn't let go,

00:34:39screaming,

00:34:40Don't take my daughter!

00:34:41Don't take Mia away!

00:34:43I pried her hands off me.

00:34:44First, I'm not your daughter.

00:34:46Second, my name isn't Mia.

00:34:48And I hate that name

00:34:49about as much as I hate you.

00:34:50You and your husband

00:34:51weren't raising kids.

00:34:52You were running a fight ring.

00:34:53Last One Alive

00:34:54gets to call you mom?

00:34:55And honestly, I'm baffled.

00:34:56Every kid you adopt,

00:34:57every kid you raise,

00:34:58ends up a wreck.

00:34:58If you can't love your kids equally,

00:35:00why have them at all?

00:35:01She finally went silent,

00:35:02eyes huge,

00:35:03tears non-stop.

00:35:04In the end,

00:35:05like the last bit of air

00:35:05had been pushed out of her,

00:35:06she collapsed to her knees

00:35:07and let the doctors and nurses

00:35:09load her into the car.

00:35:10Past the bushes by the door,

00:35:11I could feel something burning into me.

00:35:13A stare.

00:35:13I turned,

00:35:14just caught a limping figure

00:35:15walking away.

00:35:16The second I recognized that walk,

00:35:18Anya?

00:35:18Jace was calling me

00:35:19and I turned back.

00:35:20He was tilting or doubling.

00:35:21His outline split into two,

00:35:23three.

00:35:23No, not him

00:35:24and it was me.

00:35:25Anya.

00:35:26My head was so heavy

00:35:27and I'd walked into fog

00:35:28like a stray ghost

00:35:29drifting,

00:35:30searching with nowhere to go.

00:35:32Anna.

00:35:33Anna.

00:35:34Someone calling me?

00:35:35But my name was Mia now.

00:35:37I'd had it changed.

00:35:38Anya.

00:35:39Don't scare me.

00:35:40Anya.

00:35:41Who was calling him?

00:35:41Sounded like a boy.

00:35:42Voice cracked with panic.

00:35:44It made me want to cry.

00:35:45I wanted to tell him.

00:35:46Don't cry.

00:35:46I'm not worth it.

00:35:48You are.

00:35:48You deserve to be loved.

00:35:50Anya.

00:35:51Is your real name Anya?

00:35:52It's beautiful.

00:35:54So much better than Mia.

00:35:55Anya.

00:35:56From now on,

00:35:57I'll only call you Anya.

00:35:58Don't be scared.

00:35:59If that psycho comes back,

00:36:00I'll throw him out.

00:36:00He tries to choke you again,

00:36:02touch you.

00:36:02I'll kill him myself.

00:36:04Hey, Anya.

00:36:04Don't cry.

00:36:05They just shocked me a couple times.

00:36:06I'm tough.

00:36:07I can take it.

00:36:07Doesn't hurt.

00:36:08Anya.

00:36:08What's wrong?

00:36:09Why are you coughing blood?

00:36:10You're scaring me.

00:36:11What?

00:36:12Where did these bruises come from?

00:36:13Your brother.

00:36:14Your brother kicked you.

00:36:15Is he even human?

00:36:17Anna.

00:36:18No.

00:36:19Don't close your eyes, please.

00:36:21The blurry voices in the fog

00:36:22and one clear sobbing voice overlapped.

00:36:24Oh, I know now.

00:36:26I see you.

00:36:28My chase.

00:36:29The boy who'd shared that psych ward

00:36:31with me once and last night.

00:36:33The boy who at 18 watched both his parents die

00:36:35saving someone.

00:36:36The boy whose mind broke.

00:36:38The boy who,

00:36:39when Felix had a hand around my throat

00:36:41and his mouth on mine,

00:36:42broke out of his restraints

00:36:43and put a fist through Felix's temple.

00:36:45The boy who,

00:36:46again and again,

00:36:47sat through electroshock for me

00:36:49after I stopped breathing.

00:36:50He broke out of that godforsaken psych ward,

00:36:53set the Lindquist house on fire,

00:36:54watched them scream and run

00:36:55and shove each other in the flames,

00:36:57all one by one,

00:36:58then took a piece of broken glass

00:36:59and dragged it across his own throat.

00:37:01We met again,

00:37:02in the fog.

00:37:02He took my hand

00:37:03and led me forward step by step.

00:37:05Anya,

00:37:06why didn't I find you sooner?

00:37:07I love you.

00:37:08I love you.

00:37:09I love you so much.

00:37:10You deserve everything.

00:37:12Anya,

00:37:13if we get to do it over,

00:37:15stay far from what hurts you.

00:37:16Love yourself

00:37:17more than anyone.

00:37:18Promise me.

00:37:19Yes.

00:37:19I want to make the trade.

00:37:21Trade my whole soul

00:37:23for the love and feeling

00:37:24that girl pawned to you.

00:37:25She doesn't get to lose

00:37:26her ability to love.

00:37:28She has to love herself.

00:37:29She has to grow a heart

00:37:30that loves herself.

00:37:32Please,

00:37:32give it back.

00:37:33The sweet man looked up

00:37:35at the stubborn boy

00:37:35in front of him.

00:37:36His eyes held something

00:37:37almost like pity.

00:37:39All right.

00:37:40In fact,

00:37:42I'll make you a wager.

00:37:45How about it?

00:37:46I bet.

00:37:47This girl,

00:37:47even this lifetime,

00:37:49doesn't learn to love herself.

00:37:50I'll take every memory

00:37:52of you out of her.

00:37:53And you,

00:37:53I'll send back

00:37:54with these memories.

00:37:55You'll watch her,

00:37:56day after day,

00:37:57walk the same path,

00:37:58unable to speak,

00:37:59unable to change anything.

00:38:00He held out a hand,

00:38:01a contract.

00:38:02You're wrong.

00:38:04She will learn

00:38:05to love herself.

00:38:06I'm sure of it.

00:38:07The boy didn't hesitate,

00:38:08gave him his heart.

00:38:10A flash of white light.

00:38:12I opened my eyes.

00:38:13A hospital ceiling

00:38:14and then by the bed,

00:38:15Jace slumped forward,

00:38:17gripping my hand

00:38:17like I might disappear.

00:38:19You're awake.

00:38:20My movement had woken him.

00:38:22I looked at him,

00:38:22at the dark circles

00:38:23under his eyes,

00:38:24at the worry

00:38:25he was trying to hide.

00:38:26The tears came

00:38:27before I could stop them.

00:38:28I know.

00:38:29I know it was you.

00:38:31Before he could react,

00:38:32I threw myself

00:38:32into his arms.

00:38:34Two months later,

00:38:35I was discharged.

00:38:36The doctor said

00:38:37it was a short blackout

00:38:38caused by emotional overload.

00:38:39Jace and I got

00:38:40into the same university

00:38:41just like we'd planned.

00:38:42In our free time,

00:38:43Jace put a lot of work

00:38:44into educating amateur climbers

00:38:45about the dangers

00:38:46of snow mountains

00:38:47and basic survival skills.

00:38:48The mountain rescue team

00:38:49we self-funded

00:38:50was now up and running,

00:38:51and his parents,

00:38:52still the same firecrackers

00:38:53they'd always been.

00:38:54I'd thought about

00:38:55asking them to stop climbing.

00:38:56Jace and I both worried

00:38:57they'd lose their lives

00:38:58saving someone again.

00:38:59Every time I tried,

00:38:59the light in their eyes

00:39:00shut me up.

00:39:01People need to love things

00:39:02for forcing them to give it up

00:39:04is its own kind of cruelty.

00:39:06Luckily.

00:39:06The fall,

00:39:07we turned 18.

00:39:08They saved the climber,

00:39:09clinging to a cliff edge.

00:39:10This time,

00:39:11with a professional rescue team

00:39:13backing them up,

00:39:14nobody got hurt.

00:39:15I saw the headline

00:39:15pop on my phone

00:39:16and grabbed Jace

00:39:17and made him do three laps

00:39:18around the field with me.

00:39:19He finally dropped

00:39:20the casual front,

00:39:21knelt on the rubber track

00:39:22and cried and laughed

00:39:23for half an hour.

00:39:24I looked down,

00:39:25scrolled,

00:39:26a few headlines also popped out.

00:39:27Adler family declares

00:39:28bankruptcy.

00:39:29Patriarch sentence

00:39:30for hiring a hit.

00:39:31Murder for hire case

00:39:32takes a turn.

00:39:33Olivia Lindquist confesses

00:39:34she drugged Felix Adler

00:39:35and handed him to men

00:39:36known to prey on young men.

00:39:38Love and revenge entangled.

00:39:40Felix Adler strangles

00:39:41Olivia Lindquist

00:39:42in a psychiatric facility.

00:39:44Death penalty likely.

00:39:45Former child prodigy

00:39:46Cole Lindquist

00:39:47found dead at home.

00:39:48Suicide suspected.

00:39:49Hey,

00:39:50why aren't you comforting me?

00:39:52What are you reading?

00:39:52I gave up,

00:39:53took his hand.

00:39:54Comforting you?

00:39:55Not enough.

00:39:56What do you want?

00:39:57He leaned in.

00:39:59You?

00:40:01Shameless.

00:40:02The year we graduated college,

00:40:04Jace and I finally stood

00:40:05on top of Mont Blanc.

00:40:06Snow that never melts.

00:40:08White everywhere,

00:40:09below us.

00:40:10But this time,

00:40:10none of the heaviness

00:40:11from my first climb.

00:40:12I was still just a little worried.

00:40:14I put my hand on his chest again.

00:40:16You really feel fine?

00:40:17Not even a little off?

00:40:19We laughed.

00:40:20Not even a little.

00:40:21Not at all.

00:40:22My Anya is amazing.

00:40:25Loves herself,

00:40:26works hard,

00:40:28won me my bet so completely.

00:40:29I let out a long breath.

00:40:31Although,

00:40:32don't you think?

00:40:33My heart's beating really fast.

00:40:35You!

00:40:36Pervert!

00:40:37Give me back my sweet,

00:40:38innocent boy!

00:40:39He grinned at me,

00:40:39those two little canine teeth showing.

00:40:41Then his grin faded.

00:40:43He looked at me for a long moment.

00:40:44Anya.

00:40:45Hmm?

00:40:46He let go of my hand,

00:40:47took a step back,

00:40:48and then dropped to one knee in the snow.

00:40:49I froze,

00:40:50and he fumbled inside his climbing jacket,

00:40:52pulled out a small velvet box.

00:40:53His hands were shaking,

00:40:54not from the cold.

00:40:55I had a whole speech planned.

00:40:57Forgot all of it.

00:40:58You can't imagine how happy I'm the day

00:41:00watched you walked into room 7B

00:41:01with a stack of books.

00:41:02In every life.

00:41:03The one you remember.

00:41:04The one you don't.

00:41:05They told me you'd never learn to love yourself.

00:41:07They said I'd lose.

00:41:08They said I'd watch you walk the same road

00:41:09and never be able to stop you.

00:41:11But you did it.

00:41:12You loved yourself first.

00:41:13He finally looked up.

00:41:14His eyes were wet.

00:41:15Will you let me love you for the rest of this one?

00:41:17I knelt in front of him in the snow,

00:41:20took his face in both my hands.

00:41:21You stupid idiot.

00:41:23That's not a yes.

00:41:24It's a yes.

00:41:26I kissed him.

00:41:28When we pulled apart,

00:41:29he slid the ring onto my finger

00:41:31with hands still shaking.

00:41:33I looked down at it,

00:41:34at the small stone,

00:41:35catching the sun.

00:41:37Tell him he lost.

00:41:39Jace went still.

00:41:40Then he started laughing,

00:41:41really laughing,

00:41:42loud and bright,

00:41:43echoing off the snow.

00:41:45Three months after Mont Blanc.

00:41:47The ring sat on my finger,

00:41:48simple,

00:41:49perfect,

00:41:50real.

00:41:51Jace's mother was in our living room

00:41:52with three binders,

00:41:53two laptops,

00:41:54and a phone she kept losing.

00:41:55Anya,

00:41:57sweetheart,

00:41:58outdoor or indoor,

00:42:00pick one,

00:42:00I beg you.

00:42:01Outdoor.

00:42:02She kissed my forehead.

00:42:05He'd argue with me for an hour about chairs.

00:42:08I would not.

00:42:09You would.

00:42:10You did.

00:42:11Last week.

00:42:12About napkins.

00:42:13Old classmates.

00:42:15Your tutor.

00:42:16The lady from the bakery you like.

00:42:18Your roommate from college.

00:42:20They will come for you.

00:42:22That night,

00:42:22in bed,

00:42:23Jace pulled me against his chest.

00:42:24You okay?

00:42:25Yes.

00:42:27Liar.

00:42:28Tomorrow's the fitting.

00:42:29I know.

00:42:31I'll be fine.

00:42:33I know.

00:42:34He kissed the top of my head.

00:42:36You don't have to be fine, Anya.

00:42:37The next morning,

00:42:39Jace's mother drove me to the bridal shop herself.

00:42:41The shop was bright and fancy.

00:42:42The seamstress brought out three dresses.

00:42:44I picked the one with the least fabric,

00:42:46less to think about.

00:42:47The dress fit.

00:42:48I looked in the mirror.

00:42:49A beautiful bride looked back at me.

00:42:50But suddenly something hit me.

00:42:52I sat down on the little velvet stool

00:42:54in the corner of the dressing room

00:42:55and put my hands over my face

00:42:56and started to cry.

00:42:58Jace's mother stepped inside.

00:42:59She knelt down in front of the stool

00:43:01and put both arms around me

00:43:02and held on.

00:43:03I cried into her shoulder

00:43:04until I ran out of tears

00:43:05and then I cried a little more anyway.

00:43:07She wiped under my eyes with her thumb.

00:43:09Better?

00:43:10After a long time,

00:43:11my breathing evened out.

00:43:12A little.

00:43:14Good.

00:43:15She stood up.

00:43:16The dress is gorgeous on you.

00:43:18We'll get it taken in half an inch

00:43:20at the waist.

00:43:22Anya,

00:43:22you're allowed to have a small wedding.

00:43:25You're allowed to have a big one.

00:43:26And you're allowed to cry in a dressing room.

00:43:29But you're not allowed to apologize for it.

00:43:31Hear me?

00:43:32I nodded.

00:43:33She kissed my forehead and walked out.

00:43:34I sat there in the dress for another minute

00:43:36and then I stood up,

00:43:37faced the mirror,

00:43:38and looked at the woman in white.

00:43:39This time I smiled back at her.

00:43:41Look at us.

00:43:43How lucky we are.

00:43:45Two weeks before the wedding

00:43:46and I was sorting old emails

00:43:47on a Sunday morning.

00:43:48Most of it was junk.

00:43:50A coupon from a hiking store,

00:43:51a reminder about my dentist,

00:43:52a receipt I'd lost.

00:43:54Then one with no subject line.

00:43:56The sender was a recovery facility.

00:43:57My finger hovered over delete.

00:43:59I opened it instead.

00:44:01Miss Lindrist,

00:44:02my name is Dr. Halber.

00:44:03I am writing to you

00:44:04on behalf of a patient

00:44:05in our long-term care program.

00:44:07His name is Cole Lindrist.

00:44:08He has been with us for three years.

00:44:09He asked me only to pass on a message.

00:44:11He wanted you to know

00:44:12that even though he can't face you,

00:44:13he's sorry for everything that happened.

00:44:15And he heard you're getting married.

00:44:16He wanted to wish you both every happiness.

00:44:17Sincerely, Dr. M. Halber.

00:44:19What's wrong?

00:44:20I turned the laptop toward him

00:44:21and he read.

00:44:22His jaw did the thing it did

00:44:24when he was angry.

00:44:24He kept reading.

00:44:25He read it again.

00:44:28So,

00:44:29what do you think about it, sweetheart?

00:44:32I thought he was dead.

00:44:33In the other life?

00:44:35Yes.

00:44:36This one's different.

00:44:37I know.

00:44:38I looked at the screen.

00:44:40He didn't ask to see me.

00:44:43No.

00:44:44He just wanted to apologize?

00:44:46Yeah.

00:44:47Jace?

00:44:48Yeah?

00:44:49I want to go.

00:44:51Okay.

00:44:53You don't think it's a bad idea?

00:44:55I think it's your idea.

00:44:56That's all I need to know.

00:44:58And I'll drive you

00:44:59and wait in the parking lot.

00:45:01Jace.

00:45:01Non-negotiable.

00:45:02I won't come in.

00:45:03I won't text.

00:45:05But I have to be there

00:45:06when you walk out.

00:45:07He reached up

00:45:08and took my hand.

00:45:09He kissed my knuckles

00:45:10right over the ring.

00:45:11I picked the laptop back up.

00:45:12I wrote three lines

00:45:13to Dr. Halpern.

00:45:14I would like to come.

00:45:15Friday, if possible.

00:45:18The facility was a low brick building

00:45:19outside the city.

00:45:21Pine trees,

00:45:21a pond.

00:45:22Jace turned off the engine.

00:45:23I'll be here.

00:45:24Yes.

00:45:25Take as long as you need.

00:45:26I won't.

00:45:28I got out.

00:45:29Walked through the lobby.

00:45:31Signed in.

00:45:31A woman in a soft cardigan

00:45:33led me down a hallway

00:45:34that smelled faintly of bleach.

00:45:36She stopped at a door

00:45:37marked Visitation Room 3.

00:45:39He's already inside.

00:45:40There's glass between you.

00:45:41It's standard for long-term patients

00:45:43in his level of care.

00:45:44You can stand or sit.

00:45:45There's an intercom.

00:45:46Press the button to speak.

00:45:48She opened the door for me

00:45:49and stepped back.

00:45:50I walked in.

00:45:51Cole was on the other side

00:45:52of the glass.

00:45:53I almost didn't recognize him

00:45:54and he had lost so much weight

00:45:55that his cheekbones were sharp.

00:45:56His hair was shorter

00:45:57than I'd ever seen it.

00:45:58He wore a gray sweatshirt

00:45:59and soft pants

00:46:00and shoes without laces.

00:46:01His eyes were the same color as mine.

00:46:03He stood up when I came in.

00:46:04He looked a little panic.

00:46:05I sat down and pressed the intercom.

00:46:10Hello, Cole.

00:46:13Hi.

00:46:14He pressed his own.

00:46:15His voice was quieter than I remembered.

00:46:17Slower.

00:46:18He didn't waste time.

00:46:19Thank you for coming.

00:46:21I didn't come for you.

00:46:22Can I say what I want you to know?

00:46:25Yes.

00:46:27I made a list

00:46:29of the things I got wrong.

00:46:31I thought I would say them to you

00:46:33if I ever got the chance, so...

00:46:34Okay.

00:46:37I shouldn't have let go

00:46:38of your hand on the stairs that day.

00:46:40I shouldn't have kicked you

00:46:41into the thorns.

00:46:42I shouldn't have called you cruel

00:46:44for being upset about a bracelet

00:46:45I forgot I'd given you.

00:46:48I shouldn't have gone along

00:46:49with the name change.

00:46:51I shouldn't have let them

00:46:52put you in that place.

00:46:55He didn't ask me

00:46:56to say anything back.

00:46:57He just listed them.

00:46:58Each thing.

00:46:59Some of the things he said

00:46:59were things I had forgotten.

00:47:01Some of them I hadn't.

00:47:02When he got to the end of the list,

00:47:03he stopped.

00:47:04He looked up at me

00:47:05through the glass

00:47:05for the first time

00:47:06since I'd sat down.

00:47:07That's all.

00:47:08I'm not asking you

00:47:09to forgive me.

00:47:11I wanted you to know

00:47:12that I know.

00:47:13Thank you for telling me.

00:47:15But we're not going

00:47:16to see each other again.

00:47:21He nodded once.

00:47:22Okay.

00:47:24I stood up.

00:47:24I picked up my bag.

00:47:26I had my hand on the handle

00:47:27when his voice came

00:47:27through the speaker, soft.

00:47:30Oh no.

00:47:31I stopped.

00:47:32I didn't turn around.

00:47:34Have a beautiful wedding.

00:47:35Then I opened it

00:47:36and walked out.

00:47:36In the parking lot,

00:47:37Jace was leaning

00:47:38against the car.

00:47:39He saw me coming

00:47:39and pushed off the door

00:47:40but didn't move toward me.

00:47:41I walked the last 20 feet

00:47:43and stopped in front of him.

00:47:45Hi.

00:47:48Hi.

00:47:51Are you okay?

00:47:53Yes.

00:47:55Really?

00:47:56Really.

00:47:58He opened the car door for me.

00:47:59I got in with a smile.

00:48:02The call came

00:48:03on a Tuesday afternoon.

00:48:04I was at the Foundation's office

00:48:05reviewing the quarterly report

00:48:07when Jace walked in

00:48:08with his phone in his hand

00:48:09and a look on his face

00:48:10I hadn't seen before.

00:48:11What?

00:48:12Mercier Sport is pulling.

00:48:14I set down the report.

00:48:16All of it?

00:48:17All of it.

00:48:18They issued a statement

00:48:19an hour ago.

00:48:20On what grounds?

00:48:21Mismanagement.

00:48:22Specific my call last week

00:48:23on the Pyrenees rescue.

00:48:24The call where you brought

00:48:25everyone home alive?

00:48:27That one.

00:48:27Yes.

00:48:28He sat down across from me

00:48:30and I picked up my own phone.

00:48:31The statement was already trending

00:48:32in the climbing community.

00:48:35I looked up.

00:48:36They're going after your dad.

00:48:39Yes.

00:48:40Why?

00:48:42He turned the phone toward me.

00:48:43A second article posted

00:48:45within the hour.

00:48:46An anonymous source

00:48:46claims that the 2007 rescue

00:48:48had been embellished.

00:48:49Claims that one of the climbers

00:48:50had nearly died

00:48:51because of a delayed call.

00:48:52Claims that Jace's father

00:48:53had lied to the press

00:48:54for two decades.

00:48:55I scrolled.

00:48:56The comments were already nasty.

00:48:58I told my dad to ignore it.

00:48:59He won't.

00:49:01He didn't move from the chair.

00:49:02I noticed his hands

00:49:03resting on his knees

00:49:04loose, calm, too calm.

00:49:06I'll handle the board.

00:49:07We'll find another sponsor.

00:49:08It'll take a year, maybe two.

00:49:10The rescue work doesn't stop.

00:49:12Jace.

00:49:13It's fine.

00:49:14It's a business problem.

00:49:17Jace.

00:49:17He looked at me

00:49:18and I didn't push.

00:49:19He stood up after a while

00:49:21and went to make calls

00:49:21and I watched him

00:49:22through the glass wall

00:49:23of the conference room.

00:49:24He talked to four people

00:49:25in an hour

00:49:26then he hung up.

00:49:27He drank water.

00:49:28He made another.

00:49:29I went to bed at midnight

00:49:30and I woke up at three.

00:49:32The balcony light was still on.

00:49:33I walked to the doorway

00:49:34in my socks

00:49:35and stopped.

00:49:36He was standing

00:49:36at the railing,

00:49:37his back to me.

00:49:38A beer untouched

00:49:39on the little table

00:49:40next to him.

00:49:40The city was quiet

00:49:41at three in the morning.

00:49:42You could see the streetlights

00:49:43all the way down

00:49:44until he didn't know

00:49:44I was there.

00:49:45He stood there

00:49:45for another ten minutes

00:49:46without moving.

00:49:47Then he put his hand

00:49:48over his face

00:49:48and bent forward

00:49:49just a little

00:49:50and his shoulders

00:49:51moved once

00:49:51and then again.

00:49:52I had known this man

00:49:53since I was 13 years old.

00:49:55I had never seen him do that.

00:49:56He'd been the strong one

00:49:57for me for so long

00:49:58that I'd let myself believe

00:49:59he was just made that way.

00:50:00He needed that ten minutes

00:50:01by himself.

00:50:02But when he finally turned around

00:50:03and saw me in the doorway

00:50:04I walked across the balcony

00:50:05and wrapped both arms

00:50:06around his middle.

00:50:07Tomorrow.

00:50:08Tomorrow what?

00:50:10I handle it.

00:50:11Aina.

00:50:13Believe me.

00:50:15The press conference

00:50:16was at 2 p.m.

00:50:17the next afternoon.

00:50:18I called it.

00:50:19I did not tell Jace

00:50:20until I'd already

00:50:21booked the room.

00:50:22He found out at 9 that morning

00:50:23and walked into the kitchen

00:50:24with his coffee

00:50:24and stared at me.

00:50:27Anya.

00:50:28Yes.

00:50:30You called a press conference?

00:50:32Yes.

00:50:34In my father's name?

00:50:36In the foundation's name.

00:50:38I slid my laptop

00:50:39across the table.

00:50:40He read for a long time

00:50:41then he looked up.

00:50:42Where did you get the audio?

00:50:43From the team.

00:50:44All of it is logged.

00:50:46Mercier signed off

00:50:46on the protocol

00:50:47when they came on.

00:50:48I just pulled the files.

00:50:49And the climber for 2007

00:50:50he flew in this morning.

00:50:51He said they'll speak after me.

00:50:54Anya.

00:50:55You did all of this last night?

00:50:57I started immediately

00:50:58when I knew it.

00:50:59He sat there with the laptop.

00:51:00I watched him.

00:51:01He closed it.

00:51:02He pushed it back to me.

00:51:03He didn't say thank you.

00:51:05He just nodded once

00:51:06and kissed me.

00:51:07The conference room

00:51:08was full at 1.50.

00:51:09Cameras on stands,

00:51:10reporters in chairs,

00:51:11a long table at the front

00:51:13with a microphone

00:51:13and a pitcher of water.

00:51:15I walked in at 2 on the dot.

00:51:16I sat down.

00:51:17I poured myself a glass of water.

00:51:19I drank half of it.

00:51:21Then I started.

00:51:22I went through the Pyrenees rescue

00:51:23in order,

00:51:24wind conditions,

00:51:25decision points,

00:51:26time stamps.

00:51:27The exact moment

00:51:28Jace had made each call.

00:51:29I played the recordings.

00:51:30I had every document

00:51:31to the original incident report.

00:51:32The medical records

00:51:33with the surviving climbers

00:51:34signed permission.

00:51:35The radio logs.

00:51:3640 minutes in,

00:51:37I brought up the climber

00:51:38from 2007.

00:51:39He was a quiet man

00:51:40in his 60s.

00:51:41He sat down next to me.

00:51:42He thanked Jace's father

00:51:43by name.

00:51:44He explained what had actually

00:51:45happened in that storm.

00:51:46He cried a little

00:51:47at the end of it.

00:51:49I closed the conference

00:51:50at 4.

00:51:50I walked out the side door,

00:51:51got in the car

00:51:52where Jace was waiting

00:51:53and sat down.

00:51:54He had been watching

00:51:54the live stream on his phone.

00:51:55I could see it still

00:51:56open on his lap.

00:51:58Anya,

00:51:58all my life,

00:51:59all my life,

00:52:00I have been the one

00:52:01who stepped in front.

00:52:02I know.

00:52:03And just now,

00:52:04you stepped in front of me.

00:52:05Anya,

00:52:07in this life,

00:52:08it's been you protecting me.

00:52:10It's both of us.

00:52:12We protect each other.

00:52:13By the next morning,

00:52:14their CEO had requested

00:52:15a meeting.

00:52:16By that afternoon,

00:52:17he was standing

00:52:17in the Foundation's lobby

00:52:18holding a bouquet of flowers

00:52:19and a written apology.

00:52:20Jace took the meeting alone.

00:52:22I don't know what he said

00:52:22in that room.

00:52:23When he came out,

00:52:24the CEO was paler

00:52:25than when he'd gone in.

00:52:26He kept the apology.

00:52:27He told me later,

00:52:29in bed that night,

00:52:29that he'd accepted the apology

00:52:30because they would print it.

00:52:32He told me he had not

00:52:33accepted the funding.

00:52:36We don't need them.

00:52:37He kissed the top of my head

00:52:38and finally went to a good sleep.

00:52:41The hospital called

00:52:42on a Thursday morning,

00:52:43six days before the wedding.

00:52:44A nurse,

00:52:45professional,

00:52:46careful with her words.

00:52:48Miss Linderstreen,

00:52:49I'm calling about your mother.

00:52:50Yes?

00:52:51She has taken a turn.

00:52:52The doctor doesn't think

00:52:53she has long.

00:52:54Days?

00:52:56Possibly.

00:52:56We thought you should know.

00:53:00I hung up.

00:53:01I sat at the kitchen counter

00:53:02with my hands still on the phone.

00:53:05Jace was at the foundation

00:53:06that morning.

00:53:07The apartment was quiet.

00:53:08I made a fresh pot of coffee.

00:53:10I poured a cup.

00:53:10I carried it to the window seat

00:53:12in the living room

00:53:13and sat down with my feet tucked up

00:53:14and watched the city wake up.

00:53:16I didn't call Jace.

00:53:18I just sat there

00:53:18and I wasn't deciding

00:53:19whether to go,

00:53:20not whether to forgive her.

00:53:22Forgiveness wasn't on the table.

00:53:23It hadn't been on the table

00:53:23since I was 12.

00:53:24The question was simpler than that.

00:53:26How did I want this to end?

00:53:30By next morning, I knew.

00:53:31I drove myself.

00:53:32I didn't tell Jace

00:53:33until I was already in the car.

00:53:34He didn't stop me.

00:53:35He just said,

00:53:36Call me when you're out.

00:53:38The hospital was the kind

00:53:39with long, quiet corridors

00:53:40and the smell of clean sheets

00:53:42and lemon disinfectant.

00:53:44A nurse showed me to the room.

00:53:46My mother was small.

00:53:47That was the first thing I noticed.

00:53:49She had always been a tall woman.

00:53:50Now she was small in the bed.

00:53:51Her hair was thin and white

00:53:52at the roots.

00:53:53Her hands on the blanket

00:53:54looked like a stranger's hands.

00:53:56There were no other visitors.

00:53:58I didn't know if that was

00:53:58because they weren't allowed in

00:53:59or because there was no one to come.

00:54:01I didn't ask.

00:54:02I walked to the bed.

00:54:03I pulled up the chair and sat down.

00:54:04I didn't take her hand right away.

00:54:05I just sat there and looked at her.

00:54:07Her eyes were closed.

00:54:08Her breathing was shallow.

00:54:10The monitor beside her

00:54:11clicked at intervals.

00:54:13After a while, she stirred.

00:54:14Her eyes opened halfway.

00:54:16They were cloudy.

00:54:17They moved slowly across the ceiling,

00:54:18then the wall, then me.

00:54:20For a long second,

00:54:21they were empty.

00:54:22Then somewhere very far behind them,

00:54:24something flickered

00:54:25just for a second.

00:54:26Her mouth moved.

00:54:32Anya.

00:54:33Not Mia.

00:54:34Anya.

00:54:34The name she had taken away from me

00:54:36when I was 14.

00:54:37I took her hand.

00:54:38I didn't say anything.

00:54:39I held her hand for three minutes

00:54:40by the clock on the wall.

00:54:41I felt her pulse.

00:54:42I felt the bones in her fingers.

00:54:44I didn't tell her she was forgiven.

00:54:45I didn't tell her she wasn't.

00:54:46I didn't tell her I had a wedding next week.

00:54:48I didn't tell her about Jace.

00:54:49I didn't tell her anything.

00:54:51After three minutes,

00:54:52I set her hand down

00:54:53on the blanket gently.

00:54:54I stood up.

00:54:55She had closed her eyes again.

00:54:56I walked to the door.

00:54:57I didn't look back.

00:54:59In the corridor,

00:55:00the nurse asked me

00:55:01if I wanted to leave a number.

00:55:02Would you like to leave a number?

00:55:04No.

00:55:06I walked out into the parking lot

00:55:07and I called Jace from the car.

00:55:10Hi.

00:55:11Hi.

00:55:12Hi.

00:55:14I'm out.

00:55:15How are you?

00:55:15I sat with the question.

00:55:17I sat with it long enough

00:55:18that he knew not to ask again.

00:55:21I didn't forgive her.

00:55:23Okay.

00:55:24But I took it out of my chest,

00:55:26the whole thing.

00:55:26I just carried it out of the room

00:55:27and left it there.

00:55:28He was quiet on the other end of the line.

00:55:31Then he said very gently,

00:55:33Come home, Anya.

00:55:35She died three days later.

00:55:37I did not go to the funeral.

00:55:38I didn't tell anyone except Jace.

00:55:40He didn't ask why.

00:55:41He knew.

00:55:43The night before the wedding,

00:55:44the rehearsal was over,

00:55:46the dinner was over.

00:55:47The last of the foundation crew

00:55:48had hugged me

00:55:49and stumbled out laughing

00:55:50toward their hotel.

00:55:51Jace was going to stay

00:55:52with his friends

00:55:52for the last single night.

00:55:54He'd kissed me

00:55:54at the door of the cottage

00:55:56and stood there

00:55:57with his forehead against mine

00:55:58for one long beat.

00:55:59Tomorrow.

00:56:01Yeah.

00:56:02Tomorrow.

00:56:03He'd left.

00:56:03I was in the cottage by myself,

00:56:05just me in the dress

00:56:06hanging on the closet door,

00:56:07white and patient.

00:56:09There was a knock.

00:56:09I opened it.

00:56:10Jace's mother stood on the porch

00:56:12holding a wooden box.

00:56:13The box was old.

00:56:14The wood was dark

00:56:15and worn smooth at the corners.

00:56:17There was no handle.

00:56:18She held it with both hands.

00:56:20Hi, honey.

00:56:21Can I come in?

00:56:22Of course.

00:56:24She stepped inside.

00:56:25She set the box

00:56:26on the little table by the window.

00:56:27She didn't sit down.

00:56:28I wasn't going to give this

00:56:29to you tonight.

00:56:30I was going to give it to you

00:56:31tomorrow before the ceremony,

00:56:32but I think tonight is better.

00:56:34Okay?

00:56:35I want you to open it

00:56:36after I leave.

00:56:38Okay.

00:56:38She looked at me

00:56:39and her eyes were bright,

00:56:41but she wasn't crying.

00:56:42Anya.

00:56:42She didn't say whatever it was

00:56:43she'd been about to say.

00:56:44She came across the room

00:56:45and hugged me hard once

00:56:46and kissed me on the side of my head

00:56:48and walked back to the door.

00:56:52Sleep early, baby.

00:56:55I will.

00:56:56The door clicked shut.

00:56:57I stood in the middle of the room.

00:56:58I went to the table.

00:56:59I opened the box.

00:57:01Inside, the things were not arranged.

00:57:02They were just placed.

00:57:03A pencil sketch.

00:57:04In the corner of the sketch

00:57:05in pencil was a date

00:57:06two months before my birthday that year.

00:57:08She had sketched it.

00:57:09Under the sketch

00:57:10was a paper train ticket.

00:57:11The date and the destination

00:57:12still legible

00:57:13at our first climb together

00:57:14that summer.

00:57:16Under the ticket

00:57:16was a photograph.

00:57:17Me.

00:57:18In a graduation gown

00:57:19from college.

00:57:20I had never seen this photo before.

00:57:22I had not known anyone took it.

00:57:23She had been in the audience that day.

00:57:25So had Jace's father.

00:57:27So had Jace.

00:57:27They had all been there.

00:57:28But I had not been looking

00:57:29and no one had told me

00:57:30they had taken pictures.

00:57:31There were three of them

00:57:32from three different angles.

00:57:34Under the photographs

00:57:35was an envelope.

00:57:36My name on the front

00:57:37in her handwriting.

00:57:38Just my name.

00:57:39Anya.

00:57:39I sat down on the floor

00:57:40by the table

00:57:41and I opened the envelope.

00:57:42A single sentence.

00:57:43Thank you for letting us

00:57:44be your family.

00:57:45That was all.

00:57:46I sat on the floor

00:57:46for a long time

00:57:47with the letter in my hands.

00:57:49I read the sentence three times

00:57:51and then I folded the paper.

00:57:52I put it back in the envelope.

00:57:53I put the envelope back in the box.

00:57:54I closed the lid.

00:57:55I stood up.

00:57:56I walked to the mirror

00:57:57over the dresser.

00:57:58The woman in the mirror

00:57:59was barefoot in pajamas

00:58:00with her hair down

00:58:01but she looked young.

00:58:02She looked like a person

00:58:03about to do something big.

00:58:05I looked at her.

00:58:07You're getting married tomorrow.

00:58:09The woman in the mirror smiled.

00:58:11It wasn't a small smile.

00:58:12It was an enormous smile

00:58:13the kind that goes

00:58:14all the way up into the eyes.

00:58:18The morning was clear and cold.

00:58:20We held it at the foot of a mountain.

00:58:21The one with the long ridge

00:58:22and the meadow

00:58:23that flooded with wildflowers

00:58:24in early summer.

00:58:25The setup was simple.

00:58:27White folding chairs

00:58:27and two short rows.

00:58:29An arch made of pine

00:58:30and trailing greens.

00:58:31A path of pressed grass

00:58:32between the chairs.

00:58:33The guests were small in number.

00:58:35A few old classmates.

00:58:36Some of the foundation crew.

00:58:37My old high school homeroom teacher.

00:58:39Two of Jace's parents'

00:58:40oldest climbing partners.

00:58:42That was the way I'd wanted it.

00:58:43That was the way Jace had wanted it.

00:58:44I walked the path alone.

00:58:46Jace's mother had offered.

00:58:47So had his father.

00:58:48I had thanked them both

00:58:49and asked to walk by myself.

00:58:50They had understood.

00:58:51I held a small bouquet.

00:58:53Wildflowers.

00:58:54White and pale yellow.

00:58:55The afternoon light

00:58:56was gold on the meadow.

00:58:57Jace was at the arch.

00:58:58He was wearing a navy suit.

00:58:59No tie.

00:59:00His hair was a little too long.

00:59:01He looked exactly like

00:59:02the 17 year old

00:59:03who'd handed me a wrapped box

00:59:05at my 14th birthday

00:59:06and scratched his head

00:59:07and said I hope you like it.

00:59:08He looked at me

00:59:09the whole way down the path.

00:59:10He didn't try to look composed.

00:59:12His mouth was open a little.

00:59:13His eyes were wet.

00:59:14I walked toward him slowly.

00:59:15I didn't want to hurry in.

00:59:16I wanted to remember every second.

00:59:18When I got to the arch,

00:59:19he reached for my hand.

00:59:20He couldn't help it.

00:59:21He just reached.

00:59:21The officiant smiled

00:59:22and let him.

00:59:23When it came time for the vows,

00:59:25Jace went first.

00:59:25He cleared his throat.

00:59:27He looked at me.

00:59:27He didn't read off a paper.

00:59:29He'd memorized it.

00:59:30I could tell

00:59:30because of the way

00:59:31his hand kept moving

00:59:32like it wanted to hold something.

00:59:34Aina.

00:59:34Yes.

00:59:35I have been waiting for Tay

00:59:36since I was 12 years old.

00:59:37Since a basketball

00:59:38that bounced off the head

00:59:38and you walked past me

00:59:39in the doorway

00:59:39with your arms full of books.

00:59:41A small laugh from the crowd.

00:59:42He didn't break eye contact.

00:59:44I have been waiting for today

00:59:45across more lifetimes

00:59:46than you know about.

00:59:47He took a breath.

00:59:47And through every one of them

00:59:48the answer has been the same.

00:59:50It's you.

00:59:51It's only you.

00:59:52It will always be you.

00:59:53Thank you, Jace.

00:59:54Thank you for loving me

00:59:55when I didn't yet know

00:59:56how to love myself.

00:59:57He pressed his lips together hard.

00:59:58After the officiant said the words,

01:00:00he slid the ring onto my finger.

01:00:02In that exact moment,

01:00:03the light shifted.

01:00:04The sun was tipping behind the ridge.

01:00:06The peak of the mountain caught it.

01:00:07A long flash of cold

01:00:09spilled down the rock face.

01:00:10Soft and warm.

01:00:11The color of an old lamp

01:00:12burning in a quiet shop.

01:00:14I felt it on the side of my face

01:00:15and I froze for half a second.

01:00:17I had seen that color before.

01:00:18A pawn shop, a counter,

01:00:19a man with pale gray eyes

01:00:20holding a contract.

01:00:21I knew the moment I felt

01:00:22the warmth on my cheek

01:00:23what it was.

01:00:24It was the sun.

01:00:25It was only the sun.

01:00:26But I let myself believe

01:00:27just for that second

01:00:28that someone, somewhere,

01:00:29was watching.

01:00:30That a wager that had been

01:00:31placed on me a long time ago

01:00:32had finally been won.

01:00:33That a man behind a counter

01:00:34had stopped polishing an empty jar

01:00:36and looked up.

01:00:37I looked at Jace.

01:00:38I smiled.

01:00:39I looked down at the ring on my finger.

01:00:40I let it be a goodbye.

01:00:41When I looked up again,

01:00:43the light had moved on.

01:00:44It was just a sunset.

01:00:44Just a meadow.

01:00:45Just my husband.

01:00:46He was watching my face.

01:00:48You okay?

01:00:50Yes, me.

01:00:51He kissed me.

01:00:52Behind us, the guests stood up

01:00:53and clapped and somebody whooped.

01:00:55And Jace's mother was crying

01:00:56into Jace's father's shoulder.

01:00:58And the whole meadow

01:00:58was full of clapping and laughing.

01:01:00And somebody yelled,

01:01:01Kiss her again!

01:01:02He kissed me again.

01:01:03I held his face with both hands

01:01:04and I kissed him back.

01:01:06The mountain stood behind us,

01:01:07old and steady,

01:01:08and the sun finished going down.

01:01:11Ten years passed.

01:01:12It went the way good years go,

01:01:13which is fast.

01:01:14The foundation grew into something

01:01:15we hadn't dared to imagine

01:01:16when we started it.

01:01:17International respected.

01:01:19Quietly the standard in our field

01:01:20for how rescues were taught and run.

01:01:22We trained kids

01:01:22who would have died in mountains once

01:01:24and who now came back down

01:01:25and trained the next ones.

01:01:27Jace's parents climbed

01:01:28for another seven years

01:01:29before they retired.

01:01:30They didn't retire so much

01:01:31as they slowed down.

01:01:33They wrote a book about it.

01:01:34The book was good.

01:01:35People read it.

01:01:36They are now the kind of figures

01:01:37whose names you say

01:01:38in a certain tone.

01:01:39We had a daughter.

01:01:40We took three months naming her.

01:01:41We made lists.

01:01:42We argued.

01:01:43We wrote names on the fridge

01:01:44and crossed them out.

01:01:45The night before her birth,

01:01:46I still didn't know.

01:01:47She came out small

01:01:48and loud and furious.

01:01:49Jace held her in the hospital

01:01:50and looked at me over her head.

01:01:51Hope.

01:01:52Yeah?

01:01:53Yes.

01:01:54That was how she got her name.

01:01:55She is nine now.

01:01:56She has Jace's mouth

01:01:57and my eyes

01:01:58and a temper

01:01:59neither of us can account for.

01:02:00It's a Sunday,

01:02:01late afternoon.

01:02:02The light coming in

01:02:03through the big living room window

01:02:04is the color it always is

01:02:05at this time of year.

01:02:06I'm in the window seat

01:02:07with a book,

01:02:08not reading it,

01:02:08just holding it.

01:02:09Hope is on the rug.

01:02:10He's drawing something with markers.

01:02:12She's been drawing the same thing

01:02:13for an hour.

01:02:14The kettle clicks off in the kitchen.

01:02:15Jace comes around the corner

01:02:16with two mugs.

01:02:17He sets one down

01:02:18on the little table beside me

01:02:19and he sees something on my face.

01:02:21What are you thinking about?

01:02:22I look at him.

01:02:23I think about everything.

01:02:24About a stairwell when I was 12.

01:02:26About a hallway when I was 13.

01:02:27About a hospital room when I was 22.

01:02:29About a counter in a warm amber light.

01:02:31About a boy who traded everything

01:02:32he had for me

01:02:33to learn one small impossible thing.

01:02:35Nothing.

01:02:35Just that.

01:02:36It's a good thing to be alive.

01:02:38He bends down.

01:02:39He kisses me on the forehead.

01:02:40He goes and sits on the rug

01:02:41next to our daughter.

01:02:42What it's drawing.

01:02:43It's a mountain.

01:02:44I lift the mug.

01:02:45I take a sip.

01:02:46The light through the window

01:02:46is gold and warm

01:02:47and the afternoon goes on.

After I Stopped Loving Them - Complete Ep - Ep - FULL EP ✅ [Eng Sub]

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