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FunTranscript
00:00:09American Beach House
00:00:12I know a place where dreams come true
00:00:15Summer nights with an ocean view
00:00:19Gonna give you a tour
00:00:21Of our American Beach House
00:00:26Cruisin' the beach where my girls
00:00:28Here we go in my new hot two-piece
00:00:32Oh, boys are lookin' at me
00:00:36Like I'm the next big thing
00:00:38Oh, put your hands up
00:00:42Oh, it's a party
00:00:45Oh, in our American Beach House
00:00:50If you're down for some Malibu heat
00:00:54You beach girls, you're in for a treat
00:00:57Live it up with my boys
00:01:00In our American Beach House
00:01:05Don't be afraid, we're alive and we're young
00:01:08Let's make some memories, let's make some
00:01:11Crazy hot love
00:01:13It's a party
00:01:15Oh, in our American Beach House
00:01:18Oh, put your hands up
00:01:22It's a party
00:01:26Oh, in our American Beach House
00:01:31Cruising the beach with my girls, here we go
00:01:34In my new hot two-piece
00:01:37All boys are looking at me
00:01:40Like I'm the next big thing
00:01:45Put your hands up
00:01:49It's a party
00:01:50In my American Beach house
00:01:57American Beach house
00:01:59I'm good
00:02:04Hey buddy, could you hold this for a second?
00:02:05Yeah
00:02:08You won
00:02:08It was like you and five other
00:02:10We all won?
00:02:12Yeah
00:02:12Did you guys see it online?
00:02:14I didn't know
00:02:14I didn't know it would be every one
00:02:18Hey Charlie, where are you going?
00:02:20We all won?
00:02:36Hello?
00:02:38Huh
00:02:39I could get used to this
00:02:41It's not bad
00:02:42Not bad?
00:02:45Sorry guys, must have been something I ate
00:02:48Something you ate
00:02:49Yeah, you know I noticed something back there in the van
00:02:52W-W-W-T-M-I
00:02:54What?
00:02:56Way, way too much information
00:02:57Speaking of information, I know why I'm here
00:03:01But are you guys winners too and exactly what does that mean and how does that work?
00:03:09If I could have your attention please
00:03:11I think I can answer all of your questions
00:03:14First of all
00:03:16Hello
00:03:18Hi
00:03:18Hi
00:03:19And on behalf of Winfrey
00:03:20The New Films International Digital Download Service
00:03:23Welcome
00:03:24My name is Miss Maureen and I'm the house manager
00:03:28You may also recognize me from the winners notification download
00:03:31Well first of all, let's welcome you all
00:03:34Charles, I hear that you're interested in technology and computers
00:03:39A little
00:03:40Okay, and Johnny, you're a college athlete
00:03:43Yes ma'am
00:03:44Vincent, free med, yes?
00:03:46Absolutely
00:03:47Alright, Lola, have you decided on your masters yet?
00:03:50Not yet
00:03:52Maggie, how's your fashion line coming along?
00:03:54Fantastic, you should check it out
00:03:57And Jenna, I'm so glad you could get time off your teaching job to be with us
00:04:01Well, as you can see we've all researched you thoroughly as a prerequisite to your being invited to this beach
00:04:07house
00:04:07I'm here to make sure everything during your prize winning stay runs smoothly
00:04:12As all expense paid prize winners each of you is entitled to your run of the house
00:04:16Anything you want from the fridge, freezer, bar
00:04:18Access to all the games, toys, pool, fire pit
00:04:22And 40 feet of the best beachfront property the United States has to offer for the next seven days
00:04:28Two rules
00:04:29One
00:04:31You all have to share in the prize
00:04:32If one of you goes home early, you all have to go home early
00:04:38And two
00:04:39No ocean swimming after dark
00:04:42So anything you want to know about the house, ask me
00:04:46Anything you want to know about the beach, ask Joe, the lifeguard
00:04:50You'll find him on the beach from sunrise to sundown at the lifeguard shack
00:05:01Those are the rules, any questions?
00:05:03Great, well, room assignments are on the board
00:05:07All right
00:05:07I say, let's stash all of our stuff in our rooms
00:05:10Hit up the hot tub and the liquor cabinet
00:05:12Let's get this party started, shall we?
00:05:14I'm in
00:05:15You have me at liquor cabinet
00:05:17Hells with a motherfucking yeah!
00:05:19We can do this
00:05:20Wow
00:05:29Okay, so I haven't decided which bikini I want to wear yet
00:05:33You mean there's options?
00:05:35Of course
00:05:35Ooh, I like this purple one
00:05:37On me or on you?
00:05:39Really?
00:05:39Yeah, these are my designs
00:05:41These are all like samples
00:05:42So I figured it would be a perfect time to test them out
00:05:46But I think you left your steamer trunk in the hallway
00:05:48Oh, yeah, I'll get it later
00:05:50Dude, look, it's the girls' bedroom, you want to watch?
00:05:54What?
00:05:54You can see everything?
00:05:56Charlie, you're such a pervert, man
00:05:59So, do you want to watch or not?
00:06:01I'm down
00:06:02Maybe
00:06:03Depends who's getting undressed
00:06:05All right, ladies, let's strip down and suit up
00:06:10We'll give it a few minutes and it'll be
00:06:13All of them
00:06:14There you go
00:06:15Wait
00:06:16Before you take anything else off
00:06:18What? What's up?
00:06:19You know how in those reality shows they have like hidden cameras all over?
00:06:24I have a feeling about that Technart
00:06:26He might have come in here and snuck a camera somewhere
00:06:28You know, he absolutely was the first one in the house
00:06:32Yeah
00:06:32But
00:06:33I don't know about you, but I'm not about to be recorded without my knowledge
00:06:36Mm-mm
00:06:37Check out this app on my phone
00:06:40It recognizes remote camera frequencies as if it were the receiver
00:06:43What?
00:06:44Oh, yeah, if there's a camera in here, it'll pick it up
00:06:46What are they doing?
00:06:47Who cares?
00:06:49Let's see if I can
00:06:51Okay
00:06:51Okay, what was that?
00:06:53Really?
00:06:54There's a camera in here
00:06:55Oh, shh
00:06:56Okay, okay
00:06:57It's on right now
00:06:59Those perverts are watching us right now
00:07:01Yeah
00:07:04Dude, that Lola girl, man, she looks so...
00:07:06But if we report it, we might all have to go home
00:07:09Oh, no, no, no, that's not happening
00:07:10We just got here
00:07:11Okay
00:07:11Okay
00:07:12First, detection
00:07:13Then, revenge
00:07:15Okay
00:07:16Mm-hmm
00:07:16I can work with that
00:07:17Mm-hmm
00:07:18You know what?
00:07:19They're watching
00:07:19Let's give them something to watch
00:07:21And talk about
00:07:22Music, please
00:07:23Okay
00:07:24Aw
00:07:37Look at everything just bouncing
00:07:39It's, ah, it's just like heaven clouds
00:07:43This is what they think girls do in real life
00:07:47Beautiful
00:07:48Yeah, man
00:07:50Jeez
00:07:52Damn
00:07:57Hey, hypnoboy
00:07:59Transfixation lad, you in there?
00:08:01Hey, problem is I'm the same way
00:08:02Just so you know, if you're talking about Jenna, I'm gonna have to kill you
00:08:07No, I'm more of a Maggie type, man
00:08:19No, oh, no
00:08:20What the fuck happened?
00:08:22It was just getting interesting
00:08:23Okay, no, no, no, seriously
00:08:24Dude
00:08:25Uh-oh
00:08:26Um
00:08:27You think they knew that we were watching them?
00:08:29Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure
00:08:31There's a big fuck you from her right there
00:08:33This is not good, gentlemen
00:08:36I mean, luckily, I can rewind this
00:08:38And we could, I could replay everything
00:08:41But you guys probably don't want to be in the room
00:08:43Because
00:08:44I mean, if you do, that's fine
00:08:46I really don't want to be in the room
00:08:47I can always use an extra hand
00:08:48I will gladly leave the room
00:08:50I've been practicing these new techniques
00:08:52You want us to leave, Charlie?
00:08:53No, you can stay
00:08:53It's Malone time
00:08:54Rub one out
00:08:55Please
00:08:59As in the room
00:09:01I'm going to be asking you
00:09:01Yes, you're right
00:09:05I'll be asking you
00:09:05Back to the room
00:09:09The rest of the room
00:09:09The room
00:09:10Yes
00:09:10Yes
00:09:25We'll go
00:09:41Oh, man, I can't take it.
00:09:45Which one?
00:09:47Maggie, the brunette.
00:09:49Hmm, good taste.
00:09:51But, you know, there's not a bad apple in that whole bunch there, buddy.
00:09:54It's so frustrating.
00:09:56I don't think she even knows I exist.
00:09:58Well, then you have to make sure she does.
00:10:02Wait, no offense.
00:10:04You think I'm going to take romantic advice from an old lifeguard?
00:10:08Oh, nice.
00:10:10I'll answer that in two parts.
00:10:12Number one, I'm hung like a orangutan.
00:10:15Hey, big guy.
00:10:16You got enough air down there?
00:10:18Number two, all this talk about how men think that women think that size doesn't matter, it's BS, man.
00:10:26I mean, look at me.
00:10:27I'm an okay-looking guy.
00:10:28I mean, I got a pretty good physique, natural tan and everything.
00:10:32But all I do is sit up there in that tower and wait for them to come to me.
00:10:35If I don't mind saying so myself, I have saved my fair share of relationships.
00:10:41Because when I'm not up in that tower, I'm a marriage counselor in Santa Monica.
00:10:46Dr. Joe, the lifeguard, marriage counselor McKay, at your service.
00:10:50You're kidding, right?
00:10:51About which part?
00:10:52The marriage counseling part?
00:10:53No.
00:10:54About the part getting more sex than a man can handle in a lifetime.
00:10:58It's true, man.
00:11:00It's true.
00:11:01But I'll be honest with you, it's not enough that you want them.
00:11:05They have to pick you.
00:11:07So how do we make that happen here?
00:11:09Okay, now listen up, because I'm only going to tell you this once, all right?
00:11:11I want you to go down to the pier, get a candle.
00:11:15And then tonight, I want you to stand outside of her bedroom window.
00:11:18Not too close, mind you.
00:11:20Yeah, don't want to creep her out.
00:11:23Are you sure about this?
00:11:24Just stand outside of her window, okay?
00:11:26With your lit candle, selfless in your vigil, through rain or shine.
00:11:39Look at me now.
00:11:40Whoa.
00:11:41Wow.
00:11:42Dude.
00:11:42That's cool.
00:11:44Look at me now.
00:11:45Look at me now.
00:11:45Look at me now.
00:11:46Look at me now.
00:11:47Come on.
00:11:50Woo!
00:11:52Yeah, buddy!
00:11:54Awesome.
00:11:55I like it.
00:12:20Bye-bye.
00:12:23Bye-bye.
00:12:28Good night, ladies.
00:12:29Good night.
00:12:31Oh, oh, oh.
00:12:33What?
00:12:34No.
00:12:34It's a seal.
00:12:35I know.
00:12:37Hmm.
00:12:41Uh, well, I'm going to turn in.
00:12:44I will see you in the morning.
00:12:47Ladies, good night.
00:12:49Good night.
00:12:50What about your jacket?
00:12:51Keep it.
00:12:53So I can recognize you next time I see you.
00:13:14Mind if I join you?
00:13:15Of course.
00:13:16Get in.
00:13:17Oh, this is one of the perks of the job.
00:13:20Next to meeting nice new people like you.
00:13:22So what exactly do you do?
00:13:24Oh, I'm a lot of different things.
00:13:26Uh, house manager.
00:13:29Sometimes cook, yoga instructor, tour guide, friend, if someone ever needs one.
00:13:35I'd like to try the yoga if I can.
00:13:377 a.m.
00:13:38Out here tomorrow morning.
00:13:39Oh.
00:13:40And when's the second class?
00:13:42If anyone would know second class, it'd be.
00:13:46Nice.
00:13:48Oh, God.
00:13:50Oh, God.
00:13:51Oh, God.
00:13:51That was a big splash.
00:13:54Ah!
00:13:55No fear.
00:13:56Ah!
00:13:57No!
00:13:58Stop!
00:13:59I do like floor put.
00:14:01Especially who knows what he's doing.
00:14:03Class.
00:14:05Okay, so I have a confession to make.
00:14:10I haven't actually done it.
00:14:14You've got to be kidding me.
00:14:17I know.
00:14:18I'm a nasty little teaser girl.
00:14:20But I was raised old-fashioned, so, yeah, I'm a virgin.
00:14:25And I'm okay with that.
00:14:27But I do everything else.
00:14:29Not really everything.
00:14:31So you're waiting for the honeymoon?
00:14:33No.
00:14:34It's nothing like that.
00:14:36When I meet the right guy, I'll know it.
00:14:38What about you, Lola?
00:14:39Lola, lover, boyfriend, ex-husband, ex-murderer.
00:14:44I've actually never been in love.
00:14:47I don't even know what love feels like.
00:14:51Miss Maureen?
00:14:53Oh, just Maureen.
00:14:56Let's just say that Love and I are old and dear friends.
00:15:02But there's nothing quite like the feeling of being in love or giving to someone or the high of being
00:15:11in love.
00:15:12I guess.
00:15:15I don't have a clue.
00:15:17Trust yourself.
00:15:18You'll know.
00:15:21Well, I guess I'm going to call it a night or take a long walk on the beach.
00:15:25I haven't decided yet.
00:15:26Yeah, well, bedtime for me.
00:15:30And then yoga at the ass crack of dawn.
00:15:34Me too.
00:15:36Thanks for your advice, Maureen.
00:16:09Come out.
00:16:14Come out.
00:16:15It's okay.
00:16:24I'm sorry if I creeped you out.
00:16:27Um, I was looking at Maggie.
00:16:31She's so beautiful.
00:16:33And, well, now, you.
00:16:41There's nothing wrong with looking.
00:16:44Have you tried telling her?
00:16:47Yeah, I could never do that.
00:16:50Well, never say never.
00:16:51I think you can man up quite nicely if given the chance.
00:16:59Could you hand me my robe on your way up?
00:17:06Yeah.
00:17:07I can.
00:17:29That's your robe?
00:17:31The blue one.
00:17:54You can just leave it here.
00:17:56All right.
00:18:11I'm just going to.
00:18:56Hey, it's you.
00:19:01I thought I'd seen all I was going to see of you tonight.
00:19:04What are you doing out here?
00:19:06Couldn't sleep.
00:19:08Why not?
00:19:09I was thinking about you.
00:19:12Oh.
00:19:13Jenna, Jenna.
00:19:16Wherefore art thou?
00:19:18With love's light wings.
00:19:20These stony limits cannot hold the love out.
00:19:24Wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?
00:19:29And what satisfaction canst thou have tonight?
00:19:34Well, he didn't write it like this, but Shakespeare, he would say, come down to me.
00:19:39Um, yeah, give me a minute.
00:19:41Come on, I gotcha.
00:19:43I'll catch you.
00:19:44Are you sure?
00:19:45Yeah.
00:19:46Come down.
00:19:46Okay.
00:19:48Piece of cake.
00:19:49Ready?
00:19:50Ready.
00:19:51Ready?
00:19:51Go.
00:19:53Are you okay?
00:19:55The crotch is on my face.
00:19:58Was that catch me or crotch me?
00:20:01Crotch is on my face.
00:20:04Crotch me.
00:20:05Got it.
00:20:05I kind of like it.
00:20:07Wait.
00:20:08You like that?
00:20:09Wait.
00:20:09Shh, shh, shh.
00:20:10Stop.
00:20:11Somebody's coming.
00:20:12He's coming.
00:20:13Wait.
00:20:17Stop.
00:20:18Somebody's coming.
00:20:19Shh.
00:20:24Are you okay, dear?
00:20:26Half-year-old by yourself?
00:20:28Um, yeah.
00:20:31Mm-hmm.
00:20:32Yeah.
00:20:34Uh-huh.
00:20:36Oh, you happen to be sitting right here on my favorite walking path to the beach.
00:20:42Uh-huh.
00:20:45Uh-huh.
00:20:47Uh-huh.
00:20:48Uh-huh.
00:20:49Uh-huh.
00:20:51Uh-huh.
00:20:51Uh-huh.
00:20:51Uh-huh.
00:20:52Uh-huh.
00:20:52I need to exercise to burn off all my excess sexual energy.
00:20:58Uh-huh.
00:20:58Uh-huh.
00:21:00Uh-huh.
00:21:00Uh-huh.
00:21:00So, uh, did you come here with a group?
00:21:03Uh-huh.
00:21:07Uh-huh.
00:21:07Uh-huh.
00:21:09Oh, uh-huh.
00:21:09Uh-huh.
00:21:11Uh-huh.
00:21:11Uh-huh.
00:21:12Uh-huh.
00:21:13Uh-huh.
00:21:14Uh-huh.
00:21:14Uh-huh.
00:21:14Uh-huh.
00:21:14Uh-huh.
00:21:15Oh, poor dear, you're shivering.
00:21:18Uh-huh.
00:21:18Is there, uh, anything?
00:21:19Uh-huh.
00:21:20Anything else-
00:21:21else that I can- uh-that I can do for you?
00:21:24Ma'am?
00:21:25Ma'am?
00:21:26Oh.
00:21:27Uh-huh.
00:21:28God!
00:21:28Would you want a blanket?
00:21:29Oh, oh, no, no.
00:21:32Oh, here, here.
00:21:33Take my shawl. No, here.
00:21:35No.
00:21:37Well, is that better?
00:21:50Beek-a-boo.
00:21:52I see you.
00:21:57Was it as good for you as was for me, young fella?
00:22:03Me, too.
00:22:05Oh, Jesus, lady.
00:22:07Oh, Jesus.
00:22:08I'm gonna leave you my number with Miss Maureen, okay?
00:22:15And I'm right down the road in the assisted living facility.
00:22:20Okay.
00:22:21And, young lady, you need to share what's important.
00:22:24Bye.
00:22:26Thanks, I guess.
00:22:31What do you have to say for yourself?
00:22:34Thank you, I guess.
00:22:37What?
00:22:43I'm gonna leave you in my heart.
00:22:47I am the only one for you.
00:22:53And, young girl.
00:22:54Oh, my!
00:22:55Oh, my!
00:22:56Oh, my!
00:22:56Oh, my!
00:22:58Oh, my!
00:23:04See that we're free, we can do the most anything, no one's better than we, on the beach, that we're
00:23:12out just waiting for, don't you hear it go?
00:23:16Seriously, rogue sharks are not a real thing.
00:23:19They're just people getting mistaken for seals all the time, that's why shark attacks occur.
00:23:23Seriously? What are you doing lounging around for? I need your help.
00:23:28First of all, I'm not lounging around.
00:23:32I'm cooling down after my yoga workout, okay you caught me, I'm icing my cooch, trying to see if it
00:23:39will ever work again, I think I split something in half, I need to work on my downward dog, you
00:23:47know what I mean, yeah, yeah okay help me up, help me up, no not you, all right you're done,
00:23:54what do you need my help with?
00:23:57Well, Lolo was jogging on the beach, and she found a baby seal in distress, she went and got Joe
00:24:09the lifeguard, and he called a vet, really nice guy, he took the seal to the marine mammal institute, and
00:24:23now Lolo wants to throw a benefit party to help raise money to heal the seal.
00:24:28So, how'd I do?
00:24:29Not bad, party, hell yeah, I'm in.
00:24:35Well, Maggie's in, so am I.
00:24:38You were already in.
00:24:39Really?
00:24:39Yep, I'm thinking we can do it here.
00:24:42Out here?
00:24:43Yeah, yeah, I'm seeing a live van, maybe a couple hundred people, cocktails, a rave, oh yeah, this is gonna
00:24:51be good. I mean, there is a whole stipulation about the try not to break anything rule, but I'm sure
00:24:57we can talk that over with Maureen.
00:24:59Um, so you've done this before.
00:25:01Oh yeah, yeah, it's just like a runway show without the models, less bitching involved. And who knows what else
00:25:07I can wrangle up by Friday night. By the way, I decided the parts on Friday.
00:25:11Eee, yay! Not you.
00:25:20Hey, uh, excuse me. You got a quick second?
00:25:24Um, sure. What's up?
00:25:26Nice to meet you, man. I'm Andy West. Friends call me Andy West Coast. It's a little joke.
00:25:31I'm a talent agent. It's literally my job. Go around scouting people, look for fresh faces like yourself. My card.
00:25:36Yeah?
00:25:37Yeah. I'm sure you hear this all the time, but you, my friend, you've got the face for film and
00:25:43TV.
00:25:44So, so what if I was interested?
00:25:46Do you have any headshots?
00:25:48No, what's that? A drink?
00:25:49Ha ha! You're funny, buddy. Going up to the bartender being like, hey, bartender, let me get a little headshot
00:25:54on the rocks.
00:25:55No, no, no. But seriously, seriously. Uh, they're just pictures, man. Usually done by a professional. You got those?
00:26:02I don't.
00:26:03Look, here's what I'm going to do, man. I'm going to get my guy on this. He's going to take
00:26:05care of you, all right? Just do me a favor. Just be here tomorrow. Same place, same time.
00:26:09Sure.
00:26:10Awesome. Do me a favor, all right? Wear some of the little fancier white shirt.
00:26:15All right, all right. There might be the commissioner. I'm going to take this tomorrow, right? Yeah, all right. Yeah,
00:26:19yeah, uh-huh.
00:26:41Selfless in your vigil. Selfless through rain or shine, through rain or shine, through rain or shine, through rain or
00:26:47shine.
00:26:47Selfless through rain or shine.
00:26:58Morning, sailors. Some rainstorm we had last night, huh?
00:27:10What you doing?
00:27:14Well, you've all been such good boys. I decided to make you my special, irresistible, almost instant chocolate pudding.
00:27:24Really?
00:27:25Mm-hmm.
00:27:25Very nice of you.
00:27:26Oh, no, it's nothing. And you guys really deserve it.
00:27:31Mm-hmm.
00:27:47What you got there, some free samples for?
00:27:49Absolutely not. Not until it's finished.
00:28:13are those dolphins all right out there i love dolphins huh no i think so i think i really see
00:28:18them oh pudding can i have some you know actually it's just for the boys oh really yeah it's a
00:28:28special
00:28:28guy pudding guy pudding i've never heard of that you know i was wondering about some of those yoga
00:28:33poses you want to show me some sure i know let's talk about the pudding eat up boys
00:28:50oh oh yeah that's the stuff this is some of the best pudding i've ever eaten the best
00:28:57oh thanks what's the uh special ingredient what do you mean what makes it taste so good
00:29:02well my mom taught me how to make it and she always said that the special ingredient was love
00:29:10love it's nice isn't it well i'll catch you guys later and uh i hope it all comes out all
00:29:17right
00:29:20i don't know what you meant by that women they always say things that don't even make sense
00:29:33awesome
00:29:40it's like an orgasm in your mouth
00:29:48it's like a little bit
00:29:53let's try get every bit
00:29:56that's a good idea
00:30:05oh that's so good
00:30:18revenge is sweet
00:30:20especially when it's splitting
00:30:24battle stations battle stations
00:30:27so she's on the phone yep okay it's only a matter of time okay now we wait
00:30:35what are you two up to nothing really uh-huh out with it or i'll tickle it out of you
00:30:41double dog dare you
00:30:43really really really
00:30:45no no no i'm kidding i didn't even have anything
00:30:48okay okay are you gonna tell me are you gonna tell me yes yes yes okay
00:30:53okay all right so
00:31:11okay so here's the best part then i may or may not have fed them chocolate pudding with laxatives
00:31:21yes it's only a matter of time before we'll be able to see and hear the results of our little
00:31:26experiment guys guys who wants to go play some sand football huh yeah maybe we can get the girls to
00:31:33join
00:31:34oh
00:31:38what the hell no no
00:31:49Oh, my gosh.
00:31:51Must have been something he ate.
00:31:53You guys have the weakest stomachs.
00:31:56Oh, my gosh.
00:31:58Oh, my gosh.
00:32:01Oh, my gosh.
00:32:05Must have been something he ate.
00:32:06You guys have the weakest stomachs.
00:32:06Oh, my gosh.
00:32:08Oh.
00:32:08Oh.
00:32:09Oh.
00:32:20Oh, baby blue whales.
00:32:23Oh.
00:32:24Oh.
00:32:26Oh.
00:32:28Johnny?
00:32:29Johnny?
00:32:30Oh.
00:32:31Oh, my God.
00:32:37Johnny?
00:32:37Johnny?
00:32:38Oh, my God.
00:32:39Oh.
00:32:41Oh.
00:32:41Oh.
00:32:44Oh.
00:32:45Oh.
00:32:46Sorry, dude.
00:32:47Oh.
00:32:48Oh.
00:32:49Oh.
00:32:49Oh.
00:32:51Oh.
00:32:52I can't.
00:32:53Oh, my God.
00:32:54Johnny, no.
00:32:56Oh.
00:32:57Oh.
00:32:58Oh.
00:33:00Oh.
00:33:01Oh.
00:33:02Oh.
00:33:02Oh.
00:33:03Oh.
00:33:03Oh.
00:33:06Oh.
00:33:09Oh.
00:33:10Oh.
00:33:10Oh.
00:33:11Oh.
00:33:13Oh.
00:33:15Oh.
00:33:17Oh, you too?
00:33:18Oh, my God.
00:33:20Oh.
00:33:26Oh.
00:33:28Oh.
00:33:29Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:33:30Oh, ho, ho, ho.
00:33:31Oh, ho, ho.
00:33:32That is disgusting, it's killing me.
00:33:34One more time!
00:33:37Oh, yeah!
00:33:39Yes!
00:33:40Oh. Oh.
00:33:42Oh, that was amazing.
00:33:44Oh, I lost five pounds.
00:33:46I think I lost five pounds.
00:33:48Oh, the abs feel good.
00:33:51Whew.
00:33:52Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.
00:33:55Oh, fuck.
00:33:57Oh, not again.
00:34:02Oh, shit.
00:34:04Sorry, dude.
00:34:06No! Dude!
00:34:07Dude!
00:34:08I'm boasting!
00:34:13I can't!
00:34:14I can't! I can't!
00:34:21A little self-prop.
00:34:23So, this is going on the internet, right?
00:34:26Yeah, I wonder how many YouTube hits do you think we're going to get for that?
00:34:29A shitload?
00:34:31Literally!
00:34:36Bitches must die.
00:34:42Group meeting. Group meeting.
00:34:45What the hell is that thing?
00:34:47Oh, this is, um, my special little surveillance camera.
00:34:52I found it in our bathroom.
00:34:54And in my other hand, I have hard evidence that we were poisoned by that bitch, witch, whatever.
00:35:00Fished that out of the trash myself.
00:35:02The proof, gentlemen, is in the pudding.
00:35:06So they hid your little creeper cam on us.
00:35:10Then they took these laxatives and stuck them in our delicious chocolate pudding?
00:35:14You know, it was actually pretty funny. I mean...
00:35:16Yeah, it's probably on the web by now.
00:35:18If I know that Lola, damn her.
00:35:20If she wants to declare war, then so be it.
00:35:25Dude, I doubt she put it on the internet.
00:35:27And come on, man, you lighten up. Funny is funny.
00:35:30You hid the damn spy cam in the room when you starred this.
00:35:34Well, just the same.
00:35:35Look, we need to make them feel a lot guiltier about this.
00:35:39And maybe I can get guilt sex out of Maggie.
00:35:43I mean, I'll even settle for a video that I can view on my own in my spare time.
00:35:48Or I'll take even a single picture.
00:35:51I'm a pretty reasonable guy.
00:35:54Jenna!
00:35:59I'm so sorry.
00:36:01Yeah, not half the story as we all are.
00:36:04That was wicked.
00:36:06I had no idea they were gonna do it.
00:36:08How'd I known? I would've warned you.
00:36:33Hey, this is Annie West.
00:36:35Sorry I can't take your call.
00:36:36Please leave me your info.
00:36:37I'll call you back.
00:36:38Ciao.
00:36:48You have to admit it was kind of funny.
00:36:50No.
00:36:51No, I don't have to.
00:36:53I'm sorry.
00:36:54You make great noises.
00:36:55Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:36:56Come on.
00:36:57Let's take a walk.
00:37:02And what are you three up to now?
00:37:07Well, to be honest, we all feel really bad about what happened, especially Jenna since we deliberately kept her out
00:37:14of it.
00:37:15So what we're up to is a sorry we gave you diarrhea makeup dinner.
00:37:19It's Thai food.
00:37:20Uh, no, the guys aren't gonna believe you.
00:37:24And I'm not sure if I believe you either after last night's little shit show.
00:37:28Please, please, please accept our apology.
00:37:36I accept your apology.
00:37:37I accept your apology.
00:37:37Only speaking for myself though, the other guys, you're gonna have to work on yourselves.
00:37:42Okay.
00:37:43All right.
00:37:49You know, there is something honest and sincere about that guy.
00:37:54Not to mention the movie star, Good Looks.
00:37:57It's a part of the package, I guess.
00:37:59He's momma, I don't know what love is, taking an interest in the opposite sex.
00:38:03All I said was that he's a nice guy and that's all there is to it.
00:38:07Mm-hmm.
00:38:08You know, I've been around long enough to know that when somebody says,
00:38:14and that's all there is to it, that's not all there is to it.
00:38:20Believe what you want.
00:38:21Nobody's stopping you.
00:38:23There it is.
00:38:25Lola likes Johnny.
00:38:27Lola likes Johnny.
00:38:28Do not.
00:38:29Stop.
00:38:29I don't want him to hear you.
00:38:31But you do like him.
00:38:32Do not.
00:38:33Do not.
00:38:34Do too.
00:38:35Do too.
00:38:37Liar, liar, hot little bikini thong pants on fire.
00:38:41Well, he is kind of gorgeous.
00:38:44Okay.
00:38:46Here's what we're gonna do.
00:38:48We're gonna reel him in.
00:38:50Tonight, before we eat, you're gonna go put on some notice me makeup.
00:38:53And I have a top in my bag that combined with your tits will knock his eyes out.
00:38:58Literally.
00:38:59Alright.
00:39:00Can I trust you to behave while I'm gone?
00:39:03Of course.
00:39:04Okay then.
00:39:05See you in bed.
00:39:10What are you doing now?
00:39:12Nothing.
00:39:12Just another little secret ingredient.
00:39:15Just for the boys.
00:39:18What is it this time?
00:39:20Just a harmless gastro-erotic terrorism.
00:39:25Gastro-erotic?
00:39:27Mm-hmm.
00:39:28For someone who doesn't do it, you seem to have a purse full of party favors.
00:39:32Didn't we promise?
00:39:33Mm-hmm.
00:39:35You promised.
00:39:36Technicality.
00:39:41Dinner's ready!
00:39:45This smells really good, isn't it?
00:39:47Oh, no, Charlie.
00:39:48Um, actually, honey, that seat's taken.
00:39:52Well, I don't know we had a signed seating and then I had to make reservations.
00:39:56Charlie, could you please just come sit by me today?
00:40:12Johnny.
00:40:15Eartha Johnny!
00:40:16I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:40:18Mm-hmm.
00:40:19Mm-hmm.
00:40:20So, what is it?
00:40:22It's an Asian fusion Muay Thai crop.
00:40:27Isn't that a mixed martial art?
00:40:30Very funny.
00:40:31So how do we know we can even trust you?
00:40:32Yeah.
00:40:33How do we know?
00:40:34I mean, it all came out all right last time, didn't it?
00:40:38Hey, as my father the doctor used to say, no poo-poo talk at dinner.
00:40:44Guys, guys, look.
00:40:45We're really, really sorry.
00:40:47Maggie spent all day in the kitchen today working away so hard preparing this authentic meal to get back into
00:40:53your good graces.
00:40:54So the least we can do-
00:40:55Just eat up.
00:40:58Oh.
00:41:00Here.
00:41:01Try the special sauce.
00:41:03It really helps bring out the flavor.
00:41:04So what's coming up for tonight?
00:41:07After we eat, we're gonna go to an event that the party players have lined up.
00:41:11They're having a band and we can check it out before our benefit party.
00:41:13All right, let's go clubbing, posse!
00:41:21Okay.
00:41:22All right, cool.
00:41:23So I've obviously never used that word ever in my life, nor will I ever use it again.
00:41:29I swear, I just-
00:41:34I'm sorry guys, this is private party, you're not able to get inside.
00:41:39Have a good night guys, have a good night.
00:41:42Excuse me, sorry, sorry.
00:41:44Excuse me.
00:41:45Let me handle this ladies.
00:41:46I don't think so.
00:41:47Hi.
00:41:48What's up?
00:41:49Yeah, we're looking for the big guy.
00:41:50Oh, that would be me.
00:41:52How can I help you tonight guys?
00:41:54You look familiar.
00:41:55How have we met?
00:41:56We're friends with Miss Maureen.
00:41:57You must be talking about my brother.
00:41:59Brother from another mother, huh?
00:42:02Sweet Maureen.
00:42:04Do you remember that song?
00:42:06I know.
00:42:06I think you're talking about sweet Melissa.
00:42:10There's a difference, but you're-
00:42:12Listen to me.
00:42:13I know the difference.
00:42:15Do you want to make something out of it?
00:42:18I'm capturing this on video right now, so if you try to do-
00:42:21I don't care.
00:42:22So Maureen.
00:42:23Oh, sweet Maureen.
00:42:25Of course guys.
00:42:27Everybody, you can go inside.
00:42:29Take a look around.
00:42:30You can help yourself.
00:42:32Enjoy your life.
00:42:34You can stay as long as you want.
00:42:35Everybody.
00:42:36Alright.
00:42:37Everybody except him.
00:42:53If it feels right, it can be so frightening.
00:42:57You may hide away.
00:43:01The stand is awesome!
00:43:03We're getting for our party, for sure!
00:43:08Oh!
00:43:09Oh!
00:43:23want to start a war.
00:43:24I am the new Black.
00:43:26You better watch your back.
00:43:28You know you want more.
00:43:31I'm causing uproar.
00:43:34Dah, dah, dah, dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah
00:43:41-dah-dah.
00:43:42Dude!
00:43:43What did you-
00:43:51Twinsy, don't go!
00:43:53What's wrong?
00:43:55Mustay!
00:43:56Oh, boy.
00:43:58Oh, nothing, honey.
00:43:59It's harmless.
00:44:00You'll be fine in eight hours.
00:44:21I am not amused at all.
00:44:26Do you know what we just went through?
00:44:29Tell me about it.
00:44:30We were just hitchhiking on the side of the road with our rock-solid cocks out.
00:44:35Nobody would pick us up.
00:44:36Nobody except that weird old lady up the street from the assisted living place.
00:44:41Hi, boys.
00:44:42Oh, do you need a ride?
00:44:44Oh, yeah.
00:44:46Um, thanks for the offer, but it doesn't look like you have any room in there, so it's...
00:44:50Oh, no, no, no problem.
00:44:53We can sit on your laps.
00:44:55We can sit on all of your laps.
00:44:57Oh, my God.
00:44:58Whoa!
00:44:58Whoa!
00:45:00Guys, get out of here.
00:45:01What the fuck?
00:45:02Crazy!
00:45:03Oh, Abel!
00:45:05Florid, Abel!
00:45:06Florid for the beach!
00:45:08We ran.
00:45:09We ran to the beach.
00:45:10We thought we got rid of them.
00:45:11Oh, boys!
00:45:13Could you help me, please?
00:45:14I really can't see the rails with this light.
00:45:17Do you know the eyes?
00:45:18Oh!
00:45:19Where'd you go?
00:45:20Whoa!
00:45:21Oh!
00:45:22Oh!
00:45:23Hey!
00:45:23This is a nice banister.
00:45:25Yeah.
00:45:26Oh!
00:45:27Not a rail, lady!
00:45:28Not a rail!
00:45:29Oh!
00:45:30Oh!
00:45:32Don't take me now!
00:45:33Oh!
00:45:36Oh!
00:45:36Make sure she's safe, Charlie.
00:45:39Oh!
00:45:39You're good.
00:45:41Oh!
00:45:41Oh!
00:45:42Thanks for giving me an.
00:45:44Oh!
00:45:45Oh!
00:45:45That just happened.
00:45:46You're welcome.
00:45:47You're welcome.
00:45:48That just happened.
00:45:49That's a sweet old lady, huh?
00:45:51Yeah.
00:45:52Yeah.
00:45:53Wish you didn't grab your dick, so shut the hell up!
00:45:59Are you gonna stay mad at me all night?
00:46:02Or are we gonna put this thing to good use?
00:46:06It's not very funny, though.
00:46:07She almost ripped our dicks off.
00:46:08I wasn't trying to be funny.
00:46:10I was trying to be practical.
00:46:12Practical.
00:46:13But if you don't wanna make love,
00:46:15then maybe we can use it as a hat rack.
00:46:18Mm-hmm.
00:46:20Or shoes.
00:46:21Maybe a little bit of ring toss.
00:46:22Enough with the dick jokes.
00:46:24Let's do it.
00:46:24Ha ha!
00:46:26Ha!
00:46:35Ah!
00:46:40Ah!
00:46:45Ah!
00:46:48Ah!
00:46:48Ah!
00:46:51Uh...
00:46:58Oh, my God, what's with all the racket?
00:47:00Hey, everybody.
00:47:01Good morning.
00:47:02Today you are in for a special treat.
00:47:05I am making my famous smiley face whipped cream candied pancakes
00:47:08with hot maple syrup.
00:47:10How big of a stack can you take?
00:47:12Oh.
00:47:12After last night's little dick experiment,
00:47:15or should I say big dick experiment,
00:47:17we're never eating anything you guys make ever again.
00:47:20Yeah, you poke fun at us for the last time.
00:47:23Huh.
00:47:24Fine.
00:47:25More for us.
00:47:27I don't know about you guys,
00:47:29but all that dancing last night really worked up my appetite.
00:47:32I'll take a double stack.
00:47:34Pancake me.
00:47:34Coming right up.
00:47:36Yeah, I'd hate to see all that food go to waste.
00:47:38I think I'll have a couple of stacks as well.
00:47:40Of course you will.
00:47:41I will.
00:47:42I'm gonna show you how to eat.
00:47:44We'll use the same plate.
00:47:45No, no we will not.
00:47:47It's okay.
00:47:47Too late.
00:47:52Oh, darling.
00:47:55Was it something you ate, or?
00:47:58Oh god, I feel awful.
00:48:00Well, not to butt in, but...
00:48:03I'm assuming you're sexually active?
00:48:07It's not like I sleep around.
00:48:10Well, is your period late, or missing in action?
00:48:14I don't think it's...
00:48:15I just think you might want to try one of these.
00:48:25You know how to?
00:48:26I've never had to before, if that's what you're asking.
00:48:29Well, instructions are on the packet.
00:48:32Let me know if I can do anything.
00:48:40Oh, put your hands up.
00:48:44Oh, it's the party.
00:48:47Oh, in our American Beach House.
00:48:58If you're down for some Malibu heat, you beach girls, you're in for a treat.
00:49:04Live it up with my boys, in our American Beach House.
00:49:11Whoa, let me hear you sing.
00:49:20Hey, this is Annie West.
00:49:22Sorry I can't take your call.
00:49:23Please leave me your info, and I'll call you back.
00:49:25Ciao.
00:49:33You going through something right now?
00:49:35You at a turning point?
00:49:37Hey.
00:49:38Goodbye, Joe.
00:49:38Bye, honey.
00:49:39Bye.
00:49:41Call me from Paris.
00:49:42Oh, I will.
00:49:43Promise?
00:49:43Yes.
00:49:43Okay.
00:49:44All right.
00:49:45Have a safe flight, honey.
00:49:46Bye-bye.
00:49:49Damn.
00:49:51I guess you can say I'm at a turning point.
00:49:55You must be Joe the lifeguard.
00:49:57Johnny, right?
00:49:58Yeah.
00:49:58How'd you know that?
00:49:59Nice to meet you.
00:50:00Oh, you know, I read up on all the winners.
00:50:03I like to know who's on my beach.
00:50:06So what's going on?
00:50:08Well, I'm not sure.
00:50:08I mean, everything's just happening so fast and more different than I've ever...
00:50:12I would have ever expected.
00:50:14Well, then you're just like everybody else.
00:50:17Well, I mean, you're from around here.
00:50:19Did people just come up to you on the beach and, you know, give you a chance to get into
00:50:25movies and TV?
00:50:26Is it a guy or a girl?
00:50:28It was a guy.
00:50:30Did he touch your penis with any part of his body?
00:50:32Whoa, whoa, no, no, no.
00:50:34Absolutely not.
00:50:34Okay, good.
00:50:34I just wanted to get that out of the way.
00:50:36Okay.
00:50:36Well, that's good.
00:50:37Listen, I guess it happens, you know, sometimes.
00:50:42And if that business is something you're interested in, then I think you should go do it.
00:50:47Thank you, Joe.
00:50:48Hey, you're welcome.
00:50:49Hey, good luck with that.
00:50:51Let me know what happens.
00:50:53It wasn't supposed to be like this.
00:50:55And it happened so long ago, and he wasn't the one.
00:51:01Well, he must have been good for something.
00:51:06I don't think that's what we need right now.
00:51:09And the worst part is things were going so great with Vincent.
00:51:13He would have been that one-in-a-million guy, and when I tell him, it'll ruin everything.
00:51:19Maybe don't tell him?
00:51:21You can make it, like, your little secret.
00:51:23I could never be that immoral and unethical.
00:51:26I could never do that to a guy that I care about.
00:51:29What are you gonna do about the baby?
00:51:31I could never be that person either.
00:51:33I'm a modern girl, but...
00:51:35You don't have to justify yourself to anybody.
00:51:37Just do what's good for you.
00:51:40Maybe what you and Vincent have is strong enough.
00:51:43No, it's not.
00:51:44It's...
00:51:45I can't.
00:51:45I can't do it to him.
00:51:46I can't.
00:51:47I...
00:51:51I can't.
00:51:55What she needs is time.
00:52:13Hey, Johnny.
00:52:15Hey, Lola.
00:52:18Nice suit.
00:52:20So I'm about to get in the hot tub.
00:52:22Would you care to join me?
00:52:24I guess so.
00:52:27I don't want to twist your arm.
00:52:30I'm sorry.
00:52:31Don't take it the wrong way, but I guess not a lot of us are just having the greatest day.
00:52:35What have you heard?
00:52:37Nothing.
00:52:38I've heard nothing from nobody.
00:52:39That's the problem.
00:52:43So?
00:52:44Come on in.
00:52:45I don't usually go for the jock type, but I think in your situation I'll make an exception.
00:52:51Well, aren't you a sweetheart?
00:52:53Yeah.
00:52:54You know, I'm not just some highly successful college athlete.
00:52:57You know, I have hopes and feelings and dreams too, and even a degree.
00:53:01What exactly did you study?
00:53:03Well, I was a phys ed major, and then one day I had a moment of clarity, you could say,
00:53:07as I was walking by the theater building.
00:53:13Changed it around a little bit.
00:53:17Well, I thought you didn't go for the hock type.
00:53:21Like I said, I'm willing to make an exception.
00:53:27You didn't put anything in the water, did you?
00:53:29I mean, after the last couple times, I gotta ask.
00:53:31Nope.
00:53:32Just me.
00:53:35Alright then.
00:53:41So, a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says,
00:53:45why the wrong face?
00:53:48Get it?
00:53:49I guess I needed that.
00:53:51I guess I'm just at a crossroads right now, and where I'm from, it's flatland.
00:53:55As far as the eye can see, in every direction, I've never even seen the ocean before until a week
00:54:00ago.
00:54:01And now I'm swimming in it, and just a few days ago, a complete stranger walked up to me and
00:54:07gave me a chance to live my dreams.
00:54:09And how often does that happen?
00:54:11Of course, he hasn't called or done shit since then, but I can already see that it's a much bigger
00:54:16world than I ever thought.
00:54:19And I have more choices than I ever imagined.
00:54:21I think I'm gonna move here.
00:54:23You're impulsive, wouldn't you say?
00:54:25Maybe, but I don't got anything tying me down back home, and I'm already here now.
00:54:45I don't know what to say.
00:54:48You don't say anything if you don't want to.
00:54:57So sexy.
00:55:01No.
00:55:06Look at me now.
00:55:08Look at me now.
00:55:08Look at me now.
00:55:10Look at me now.
00:55:12Look at me now.
00:55:18Jenna?
00:55:21Hey, Jenna?
00:55:24Shoot.
00:55:26You made yourself hard to find.
00:55:28And you found me anyway.
00:55:30What does that say?
00:55:32What does that say?
00:55:34It says a lot, actually.
00:55:39Look, I have kind of been avoiding you, and we do need to talk.
00:55:46This is all moving way too fast for me, and I can't.
00:55:52I need, it needs to stop.
00:55:54I can't.
00:55:59Okay.
00:56:04We're moving too fast.
00:56:06I mean, okay, so we slow down.
00:56:08I mean, I'm okay with that.
00:56:09We can just...
00:56:10No, no, no, no.
00:56:11You're not understanding me.
00:56:12I don't want to slow it down.
00:56:13I need...
00:56:15I think I made a huge mistake, and I need to break it off.
00:56:22I...
00:56:23In fact, I don't think I'm going to be here tomorrow.
00:56:26I'm leaving.
00:56:26What?
00:56:28No.
00:56:29You can't leave.
00:56:31If you leave, it's over for us.
00:56:34It's over for everybody.
00:56:36Everybody in the house.
00:56:36Do you really want to do that?
00:56:38I mean, you can't be serious.
00:56:40We've got a great thing going, you and I.
00:56:42Right?
00:56:43I can't.
00:56:50I'll build my world around you.
00:56:54I can't just let you walk out of my life, no?
00:56:57Goodbye, Vincent.
00:56:59I hope I never see your face again.
00:57:03I know where I'm not wanted.
00:57:05I'm still leaving.
00:57:07No.
00:57:08You stay.
00:57:10I'm gonna go.
00:57:20I'm gonna go.
00:57:21I'm gonna go.
00:57:25I'm gonna go.
00:57:31You know, you're not so sick or at my wrist back again.
00:57:34Yeah, I know.
00:57:36It's kind of cute.
00:57:44Aren't you at least a little charmed by his show of affection?
00:57:47What do you want me to do?
00:57:48Give him a pity BJ just because he's holding a candle?
00:57:50No one's ever held a candle for me before.
00:57:53Well, if you think it's so sweet,
00:57:55why don't you go give him a pity blowjob for the both of us?
00:57:58However, if I did do it,
00:58:01it would be the blowjob he'd jack off to for the rest of his life.
00:58:05I would be on his mental wall of shame,
00:58:08the nasty girl who swallowed his whole load of the crazy beach house.
00:58:15He'll remember me forever.
00:58:17Sorry, Charlie.
00:58:19Not gonna happen.
00:58:24Oh.
00:58:26Hi.
00:58:30I'll be back later.
00:58:33Fine. I plan to.
00:58:39Hi.
00:58:40Hey.
00:58:41What are you doing here?
00:58:42I came to pick you up.
00:58:43Wanna go to the beach?
00:58:44I mean, yeah.
00:58:46Okay.
00:58:46Let's go.
00:58:47Oh. Okay.
00:59:16Hey.
00:59:17Pull the chair.
00:59:18Could you use a beer?
00:59:20Yeah.
00:59:21Please and thank you.
00:59:33So what's happening?
00:59:42You know, Jenna's thinking about leaving tomorrow.
00:59:46Any idea why?
00:59:47No.
00:59:48What?
00:59:49What's the deal, man?
00:59:50Um, I mean, I can get Lola to go talk to her, but what's going on?
00:59:56Jenna!
00:59:57You wanna come down from up there?
01:00:02Look, we both know that your being up there isn't gonna solve anything in your life.
01:00:07So come down or I'm coming up.
01:00:11You're a really nice lady, and I appreciate you coming all the way out here in the dark where I
01:00:17didn't think anyone would find me for the second time this week.
01:00:22But just because you did find me doesn't mean that you know me.
01:00:28You don't know me at all.
01:00:30And you don't know anything about what my life has been like.
01:00:34Alright, that's it.
01:00:35I'm coming up.
01:00:38Look, I know you well enough to know that you love children, and you wouldn't do anything to endanger a
01:00:44child's life.
01:00:49I was just thinking things over.
01:00:52I broke it off with Vincent.
01:00:56And I don't think you're gonna like it, but I don't think that I can stay here any longer.
01:01:05I don't know how much more fun I can take.
01:01:10It happens.
01:01:12And hey, you don't have to make any decisions tonight.
01:01:17Why don't you sleep on it?
01:01:25Look who it is.
01:01:29Yeah?
01:01:30Yeah, sure.
01:01:34To love.
01:01:36Hey, fuck you.
01:01:39What happened to you guys?
01:01:40I thought you guys were on top of the world.
01:01:42What happened?
01:01:58Why the hell will you do that?
01:02:00Can I get another brother?
01:02:01Yeah.
01:02:03If you really want one.
01:02:07Trooper.
01:02:17He's killing it.
01:02:19Wow.
01:02:20Have you seen this shit before?
01:02:22I've never seen anything like that before.
01:02:29Dude, why are you doing that?
01:02:31Doing what?
01:02:33Drinking like that.
01:02:36I hate beer.
01:02:38I hate the taste of it.
01:02:40I hate the smell of it.
01:02:43I hate the texture.
01:02:45It's the only way I can keep it down.
01:02:47It's a plus trick I learned at a college fraternity.
01:02:52Huh.
01:02:53A trick that you learned at a fraternity.
01:02:57You don't even look like a frat guy at all.
01:02:59Well, turns out I wasn't.
01:03:20Well, let's change that.
01:03:22New business.
01:03:24This meeting of the Brotherhood is now in session.
01:03:27I nominate Charlie as the new president.
01:03:29All in favor.
01:03:30Say I.
01:03:31Hi.
01:03:32Hi.
01:03:33It's unanimous.
01:03:35Charlie is the new president of the Brotherhood.
01:03:38Woo!
01:03:39Speech!
01:03:40Speech!
01:03:41Speech!
01:03:42Beverage first.
01:03:44And then speech.
01:04:01I would like to thank the Brotherhood for recognizing my leadership potential.
01:04:09I also want to say that this honor may be the nicest thing anyone's ever seen.
01:04:15ever done for me.
01:04:17To Brotherhood.
01:04:19Brotherhood.
01:04:22Oh.
01:04:24Shit.
01:04:24Do you think he's alright?
01:04:25Yeah.
01:04:26I think the grass cushion is fall.
01:04:28No, that's...
01:04:29That's probably the best he's ever been.
01:04:34No.
01:04:51Well, that's a nice gesture.
01:04:54Oh, my God, this fucker's heavy.
01:04:56You know what, dude?
01:04:57You're a pretty decent guy.
01:04:58The Brotherhood never leaves a man behind.
01:05:01All right, Charlie.
01:05:03And for bed.
01:05:05Get out!
01:05:07Ah!
01:05:08Ah!
01:05:10Today's a big day.
01:05:11And tonight's the big night.
01:05:14Party!
01:05:15What?
01:05:15What?
01:05:16Oh, later, after yoga, we need to go make sure everything's going smoothly for the benefit party.
01:05:22And I want to call the vet and check on little Stanley.
01:05:25Actually, today we have a bigger problem than that.
01:05:28Jenna has broken things off with Vincent.
01:05:31Oh, M.G.
01:05:32But they're so good together.
01:05:34Last night at the beach, she was talking about going home early.
01:05:37And if she leaves the beach house, then you all have to go home.
01:05:41We can't let her leave like this.
01:05:43It ruins it for her and for the rest of us.
01:05:45I can't stop her.
01:05:46Only you guys can.
01:05:47And you might not have a lot of time.
01:05:54I know your mind's already made up on this, but can we talk?
01:05:58I have made up my mind.
01:06:00I don't really think there's much you can say to make me change it.
01:06:03Well, that's what friends are for.
01:06:07You and Vincent made such a powerful connection.
01:06:09Don't you think you at least owe it to him to tell the truth?
01:06:12I don't know.
01:06:14I love him so much, but I can't do that to him.
01:06:18He's got his whole life planned out.
01:06:20Look, it's not fair.
01:06:23You have to admit, so much has already happened this week.
01:06:26So many good things.
01:06:28And we don't want to lose that.
01:06:29We don't want to lose you.
01:06:31We're just trying to keep you from making what could be the biggest mistake of your life.
01:06:36In case you missed it, it's kind of already happened.
01:06:38I mean, this is me trying to deal with the consequences of it all.
01:06:43There's not always one right answer.
01:06:46Sit down.
01:06:48I'll make you some tea.
01:07:03Good day.
01:07:05Good day.
01:07:21You don't make a decision that's going to affect the rest of your life in the heat of
01:07:25the moment.
01:07:27Every decision we make sets into motion a powerful chain of events.
01:07:32Everything you've ever done and a lot of what you will do is based on these decisions and
01:07:39all of them lead to different possible outcomes.
01:07:42So I need to choose.
01:07:44You don't just have to choose, you have to choose wisely.
01:07:48What do you think you would do if you told him?
01:07:50What?
01:07:50Like, hey, lover, I'm pregnant, it's not yours, still want to get married and live the rest
01:07:56of our lives together?
01:07:57I can't do that to him.
01:07:58He made a commitment to you.
01:08:01Doesn't he even deserve a chance to be a part of that?
01:08:05Morning.
01:08:06I hope I'm not interrupting.
01:08:08No, we're just nice PJs.
01:08:13Thanks, I guess.
01:08:15Look, I've got to be honest, I was standing in the hall.
01:08:20Were you spying on us again?
01:08:22No, no, no, I didn't mean to, I just, I got up to take a big piss.
01:08:25W-T-M-I-A.
01:08:28W-T-F.
01:08:29Way too much information again.
01:08:31And?
01:08:34Well, I heard it all, I guess.
01:08:38Well, then come here, you're just going to have to be one of the girls.
01:08:41And we'll swear you to secrecy.
01:08:45I'm okay with the secrecy, but do I need to be one of the girls?
01:08:49Yes.
01:08:50It's a sisterhood.
01:08:51Swear it.
01:08:52So, I'm a brother and a sister?
01:08:55Just promise you won't say anything to anyone.
01:08:58I promise.
01:09:01Okay, now go pee.
01:09:12Mind if I join you?
01:09:14Please.
01:09:23So, what brings the other way out here?
01:09:25Well, I come out here every day if I can.
01:09:28There's something just so magical about the ocean.
01:09:31If you let yourself feel it, it can heal you.
01:09:36I'm trying to decide what I feel.
01:09:40I'm proud of you, you know.
01:09:43I'm just trying to do the right thing.
01:09:46You didn't have to tell us you were there.
01:09:48I thought about not doing the right thing, but I couldn't.
01:09:53You remind me a lot of someone I used to know.
01:09:57Who was it?
01:10:01My guy.
01:10:02So, where is he?
01:10:05He was a career soldier, an officer.
01:10:08He didn't make it back from Afghanistan.
01:10:11I'm so sorry.
01:10:14You know, I loved him because he stood up for what he believed in.
01:10:19I see a little bit of that in you.
01:10:22You know, you're a good guy, Charlie.
01:10:25He didn't deserve to be treated the way Maggie treated you.
01:10:28It's confusing because I wanted her, and now I feel sorry for her.
01:10:36You know, I guess for her anyway, I'm not the one.
01:10:43Well, maybe you are the one, just like you said, not for her.
01:10:56Do you want to finish what you were thinking about that first night at the hot tub?
01:11:05Does she want me to jerk off on the drapes?
01:11:18Oh, yeah.
01:11:22Sometimes you've got to jump into it.
01:11:26Sometimes you've got to take a chance.
01:11:29Sometimes you've got to take a leap of faith, might just be worth it.
01:11:38I'll take you there, and you will find what you're looking for.
01:11:46I'll take you there, I'll take you there.
01:11:52Maybe you'll see, walking to the sunset before, I'll take you there.
01:12:12Look, you are an amazing person, and you have no idea what he's going to say.
01:12:16Don't you think you should give him a chance?
01:12:18You don't know how hard it can be.
01:12:21I mean, my parents never got married.
01:12:25I was a so-called love child, but there was never any love around in my early life.
01:12:28They didn't stay together.
01:12:30I don't even think I saw my dad any time after I was five.
01:12:34I guess you can say I'm a little sensitive.
01:12:37Wow.
01:12:40I had no idea.
01:12:41Yeah, it's not like I walk around with a sign around my neck.
01:12:45No.
01:12:45Unless you read through the lines.
01:12:49And then the sign says,
01:12:51This beautiful, intelligent, caring woman with a painful childhood spends her life taking
01:12:58care of other people's issue kids, hoping that the man of her dreams will walk through the door.
01:13:05And when he does, and it's not exactly perfect, she throws it all away and chickens out on her own
01:13:11happiness.
01:13:19Nice move.
01:13:20Oh, thanks.
01:13:21You should take this one so you think he can dance.
01:13:22You think?
01:13:25And what would you do?
01:13:27If it's never really been there, never really done that, just drag him to the altar, try to convince him
01:13:31that it's his?
01:13:35Yeah, probably.
01:13:36Sounds like me.
01:13:38The woman I've come to know would want to give her baby a chance that she didn't quite get.
01:13:43Two people, two parents who love her and care for her and would want to raise a family with her.
01:13:49I mean, don't you think you at least owe it to him to tell him the truth and let him
01:13:52make that decision on his own?
01:13:54I feel like that's what you'd want someone to do for you.
01:14:02Thank you, everybody, for coming tonight.
01:14:04We're Nylon Pink.
01:14:06Woo!
01:14:08Could we please have Lola and Maggie come join us on stage?
01:14:13Woo!
01:14:14Woo!
01:14:18Woo!
01:14:18Woo!
01:14:19Woo!
01:14:22Woo!
01:14:23Woo!
01:14:24Woo!
01:14:27Alright!
01:14:28Woo!
01:14:29Welcome to the heal arsenal benefit party.
01:14:31Thank you so much for coming for a great cause!
01:14:34Woo!
01:14:36Also, I'd like to welcome Ms. Maureen who knows everyone!
01:14:41Woo!
01:14:42Woo!
01:14:46So, I'd like to thank Big High and the staff and crew here at the party!
01:14:50Woo!
01:14:50Woo!
01:14:51Awesome!
01:14:52Everyone, please welcome humanitarian and veterinarian,
01:14:57the man who is actually healing our seal, Dr. Spencer.
01:15:01Yeah, Dr. Spencer!
01:15:03Thanks, guys.
01:15:04Unfortunately, Stan Lee couldn't make it tonight,
01:15:07but he did send this as a token of his appreciation.
01:15:11Whoo!
01:15:14All right, everyone, enjoy your night.
01:15:17The band is Nylon Pink.
01:15:18Let's get it on!
01:15:21Whoo!
01:15:37Johnny, Johnny, I have been looking everywhere for you.
01:15:39Where have you been the past three days?
01:15:41You could have just called me back.
01:15:42No, bro, I couldn't.
01:15:43My phone fell in the toilet.
01:15:44I left all of my contacts.
01:15:46On the phone with the company, it was a nightmare, man.
01:15:48I am seriously so glad I ran into you.
01:15:51Uh, Charlie, this is, this is Andy West.
01:15:53Andy West, Charlie.
01:15:54Yeah, Charlie, Andy West Coast, man.
01:15:55Nice to meet you.
01:15:59All right.
01:16:00Johnny, seriously, man, I am glad I ran into you.
01:16:02Remember how I had you wear that white shirt?
01:16:04Yeah.
01:16:04Well, I had my photographer come, took some pictures of you.
01:16:08They were great!
01:16:09Hey, I got you an audition, man.
01:16:11That's amazing.
01:16:12How do I get in touch with you?
01:16:14No, we're gonna make it easy.
01:16:14I'm gonna get in touch with you, all right?
01:16:16And because of the great venue cook-off, you gotta dance with me.
01:16:21One time.
01:16:24Excuse me, big guy.
01:16:25Well, um, the lady's with me tonight.
01:16:29Every song, all night long.
01:16:32Right, Miss Maureen?
01:16:34Is it true, Maureen?
01:16:38Well, you know I'll always hold a special place for you.
01:16:41But, I am with this guy tonight, so if he says every song all night long, then that's it.
01:16:52Well, good for you, my little buddy.
01:16:55Give me a pie.
01:16:57Enjoy your night.
01:16:59See you later.
01:17:00Look, just do me a favor.
01:17:01Have a fun time.
01:17:02I need you there tomorrow afternoon.
01:17:04Tomorrow afternoon?
01:17:04I'll be there.
01:17:05Yeah, man.
01:17:06No joke, no joke.
01:17:07Look, I don't want to ruin your buzz, all right?
01:17:08You gotta have a great party.
01:17:10I'll run into you in just a little bit, all right?
01:17:11It's gonna be a good night, man.
01:17:12All right, man.
01:17:13Take care.
01:17:28Hey, guys, you really had us going there for a while.
01:17:32Yeah, we did.
01:17:33Hey, sorry we're late.
01:17:34We just had a few things that we had to kind of sort through, I guess.
01:17:40But, great party.
01:17:41I mean, it's perfect time for a little announcement.
01:17:46We're engaged!
01:17:47Yeah!
01:17:48Yeah!
01:17:50Nice!
01:17:50Yeah, it did.
01:17:51Good work.
01:17:52Good job.
01:17:52F!
01:17:53F!
01:17:53F!
01:17:54F!
01:17:54F!
01:17:55F!
01:17:56F!
01:18:15F!
01:18:45F!
01:18:45F!
01:18:46F!
01:18:46F!
01:18:46F!
01:18:46F!
01:18:57F!
01:19:08Here we go.
01:19:09at the edge of town
01:19:26My looks like looks cute on you
01:19:31I like your laugh
01:19:32You know, besides you being all gorgeous and all
01:19:36and just drop dead beautiful
01:20:06boys
01:22:42Just thought it in.
01:22:46Sorry I'm a man now.
01:23:08Just a feeling so let it glow.
01:23:11It's not as easy as it looks and they don't teach you this in books.
01:23:20Is it because I farted?
01:23:27Do people just come up to you on the beach and give you a chance to go and get into
01:23:33movies
01:23:33and TV or does that happen?
01:23:36Sometimes, I guess.
01:23:38Was it a guy or a girl?
01:23:40It was, I mean, it was a guy.
01:23:42Did he look like that?
01:23:43They're growing.
01:23:44They're growing.
01:23:46So you're at a turning point.
01:23:48I can tell.
01:23:53You think that's funny?
01:23:58Yeah.
01:23:59Yeah, I'm at a turning point right now.
01:24:03You, too.
01:24:06That guy touched your wiener?
01:24:10With any part of his body?
01:24:13Okay.
01:24:14Okay, I see there's a lot of girls on TV from Malibu. I can't wait
01:24:20I better make more storage space in this phone
01:24:24Yeah, mom
01:24:25No, no, no, no, I'm I'm gonna take pictures of birds and
01:24:33Squirrels
01:24:33Not to say girls. I said squirrels. Yeah
01:24:38Mom no
01:24:41No, I said why did dad call me stupid?
01:24:45He said you're stupid and I'm stupid because I came out of you. I just want a trip to Malibu
01:24:50and I'm gone for seven days
01:24:52I'm glad can I come back though after seven days. I know I doubt I'll meet anybody to move in
01:24:58with
01:24:59Come on is I know I am stupid. No, you're not
01:25:10Well, no, if I didn't have that restraining order I'd have a job by now wouldn't I?
01:25:15Well, you shouldn't have ratted on me now. Now. Why did you do that?
01:25:20No
01:25:21You're stupid
01:25:22Mom, this supposed to be a happy moment for me. You're ruining it
01:25:26You're ruining it. Just like you said I ruined your life. You're ruining it for me
01:25:32I would if I could I would marry a hooker and I bring her over and
01:25:39Show grandma too. She's even dumber. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that
01:25:45You just make me say things that I don't mean I mean I do mean them but not in the
01:25:50context that I'm saying them in
01:25:53You know what I'm gonna make a suicide video mom
01:25:57Hi guys
01:26:02I know you may think this is a joke
01:26:05But no
01:26:07I'm leaving and I might not come back
01:26:09We'll say seven days, but if I find a better place to stay out
01:26:13I'll stay there
01:26:15It might be hell. Oh, yeah. No, you know, I'm already living in hell mom
01:26:20With you
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