00:00You've got all these beautiful tattoos. Did you design those, sir?
00:03The artist.
00:04The artist did it with it.
00:06See, I don't want, $100, I can get a big tattoo.
00:09No.
00:11So your cheap business is what you're saying.
00:17They keep asking, what are you going to have doing that?
00:19I don't know. I don't want pictures.
00:21This skin's not coming back.
00:25No, I mean, there's not a spank in the world that's going to hold this crap up.
00:29So, I told them I'm going to get a tramp stamp, tramp stamp.
00:38See, that's a great idea for an old person.
00:40You put all your vital statistics back here.
00:46Your blood type case of emergency phone number, social security.
00:50You could put your allergies down your butt cheeks.
00:54Well, there's a real good chance that when I wander away from the home, I'm going to be naked.
01:06My niece wants me to tattoo a poem on my...
01:09I don't want words on my body.
01:11Because they don't understand.
01:13Someday someone's putting me on a bedpan, and I don't want that conversation to start with,
01:18Hey, what's your tattoo say?
01:20It says, faster!
01:31You know, the older I get, I'm reminded that we all try not to be like our moms, but it's
01:38inevitable.
01:39Ladies, it's just inevitable.
01:41My mom loved going to the doctor.
01:43You guys, I love going to the doctor.
01:45I love it.
01:46I love going to the doctor.
01:47I was out without insurance for many, many years, and an independent contractor.
01:5165, I'm in that damn office every damn week.
01:54I'm in there.
01:55I want to be probed.
02:00I hate...
02:01And I hate...
02:02Now, but you know, they play with you in the doctor's office.
02:04They will take you to...
02:05They take me to the furthest exam room now, and they just give me a People magazine,
02:11and think I'm just going to sit in there and read this magazine.
02:13I don't know who the hell Harry Styles is.
02:15I could give a shit.
02:18And I'm sitting in there.
02:20They think I'm just going to be quiet, nice little old lady.
02:22I go through the drawers.
02:28I got six rolls of that silk tape.
02:32That shit's expensive.
02:35I got tongue depressors from my tomato plants.
02:39I got that.
02:40And I got those big, long, Q-tippy things that when they pull those out, you go,
02:45what are you going to do with that?
02:46You know?
02:47I spray-painted those for Christmas.
02:50And then...
02:52No, here's the deal, though.
02:54You guys, I have three gowns.
02:58I stole three gowns.
03:01I wore one of them right out the office.
03:03They didn't say shit.
03:08They're my Saturday morning outfit.
03:11I love them.
03:12I just get up in the Saturday morning and I get my cup of coffee,
03:16put my gown on, and I just wait for the doorbell.
03:20Well, hello.
03:22I would love to hear about Jesus.
03:25You come on.
03:30Thank you very much for having me.
03:32Don't tell.
03:33Thank you.
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