After I Stopped Loving Them Completed Movie

Digital Media

Discover trending full drama movies featuring romance, family conflicts, hidden identities, revenge, and unforgettable moments.  Each movie brings exciting characters, surprising plot twists, touching relationships, and powerful stories that keep you watching until the final scene. From billionaire romances to inspiring life journeys, every film offers a unique experience.  Enjoy HD movies with English subtitles and stay tuned for regular uploads of the latest popular drama films.  #DramaFilm #RomanticMovie #MicroDrama #FullMovieHD #TrendingDrama #LoveStory #AsianCinema #MovieTime #EnglishSub #DramaChannel

Transcript

00:00:02The third month, my family's kept me locked in the psych ward.

00:00:05Electrodes on my temples.

00:00:07Restraints cutting into my wrists.

00:00:09I'd lost count of how many shocks the doctor had given me.

00:00:12Please! Please! No, it's hurt!

00:00:14I'll be good! I promise!

00:00:17Stop!

00:00:18I struggled, I begged, but the doctor didn't even look up.

00:00:21The nurse pushed the door open, expressionless.

00:00:23I watched her white shoes come closer.

00:00:26Her family says, up the dose.

00:00:28The current hit.

00:00:30My body arched, then went limp.

00:00:32The last thing I saw was the white fluorescent light

00:00:34and the little red dot on the security camera blinking on and off.

00:00:38The line on the heart monitor went flat.

00:00:40I died.

00:00:41When I opened my eyes, I was standing in an old pawn shop.

00:00:44I looked down at my hands.

00:00:46Translucent.

00:00:47Welcome.

00:00:48A voice.

00:00:49Behind the counter.

00:00:50I looked up.

00:00:51A man, 30 maybe.

00:00:52His eyes were pale gray like glass with no heat in it.

00:00:55The soul shop.

00:00:57The place where you get what you want most.

00:01:00He looked up at me.

00:01:02And what do you want?

00:01:03What do I want?

00:01:06I mumbled and clenched my fists.

00:01:08My nails dug into my palms.

00:01:09But I couldn't feel the pain anymore.

00:01:12I want to live again.

00:01:15He set the cloth down.

00:01:16It won't be cheap.

00:01:18Pulled out a sheet of parchment from beneath the counter.

00:01:20Slid it across to me.

00:01:22To live again.

00:01:23You trade something of equal value.

00:01:25Do you know what's worth the most about you?

00:01:29No.

00:01:30Your ability to love.

00:01:32I froze.

00:01:34He looked at me with those pale gray eyes.

00:01:36A voice slow.

00:01:38You see.

00:01:38People like you are rare.

00:01:40You loved your parents.

00:01:41Loved your brother.

00:01:43Loved your fiance.

00:01:44You even loved the sister who took everything from you.

00:01:47Stepped on.

00:01:47Spit on.

00:01:48And you kept handing them your heart.

00:01:50Over and over.

00:01:52You're mocking me.

00:01:54I'm doing business.

00:01:55He tapped the parchment with one fingertip.

00:01:58Terms.

00:01:58You surrender your ability to love.

00:02:00I give you one more life.

00:02:02Starting the day you turn 12.

00:02:04The day they brought your sister home.

00:02:06Why that day?

00:02:07For the first time something flickered in his face.

00:02:09Almost interest.

00:02:10Because that's where your story went wrong.

00:02:12I was quiet for a long time.

00:02:15Then I looked up.

00:02:17Deal.

00:02:17I lifted my hand.

00:02:19Pressed it to the parchment.

00:02:20A gold light bloomed where my fingerprint landed.

00:02:22He took the contract back.

00:02:24Gave me the smallest nod.

00:02:25I snapped.

00:02:26May this life.

00:02:27Find yourself.

00:02:29He snapped his fingers.

00:02:30The world began to fall apart.

00:02:32Shards of light drifted down like snow.

00:02:35White light swallowed everything.

00:02:38Anya.

00:02:38What are you spacing out for?

00:02:40Our new sister's almost here.

00:02:41Let's go down and meet her.

00:02:43Hearing that name again froze me for a second.

00:02:45My eyes snapped open.

00:02:47I hadn't been called Anya in six, seven years.

00:02:49I turned and looked at my twin brother, Cole, next to me.

00:02:53Sure enough, he'd reverted to his 12-year-old self.

00:02:56A half-grown boy in a perfectly tailored suit, eyes bright with anticipation.

00:03:00One of his hands was holding my hand.

00:03:02I looked down at his slim, clean fingers.

00:03:05In my head, I saw the handprint it had left on my face when we were older.

00:03:08I frowned, yanked my arm free.

00:03:11Cole looked at me confused.

00:03:12Anya.

00:03:13What's wrong?

00:03:14The front door opened.

00:03:15My parents' voices floated up.

00:03:18Cole!

00:03:18Anya, come down!

00:03:20We brought your sister home!

00:03:22Cole's eyes lit up.

00:03:23He dropped me and ran down the stairs alone.

00:03:25I stood at the top and watched the four of them downstairs.

00:03:28One big happy family.

00:03:30I pressed a hand to my chest.

00:03:32Strange.

00:03:34My heart was still beating calmly.

00:03:36But the knife-edge pain as before, it was totally gone.

00:03:39Cole and I are twins.

00:03:40For the first 12 years of our lives, my parents only had the two of us.

00:03:44Cole was older by two hours.

00:03:46He and our parents spoiled me into a real deal little princess.

00:03:49Someone joked to my father once.

00:03:51With a temper like your daughter's, thank God she's engaged to Felix already,

00:03:55or no one would dare marry her.

00:03:57My father's face went black.

00:03:59My daughter wasn't born to be married off.

00:04:01She can stay home for life.

00:04:03I can afford her.

00:04:05My mother and Cole didn't say a word.

00:04:07They just kept showering me with more nice things.

00:04:09A $3 million bracelet was an ordinary birthday gift back then.

00:04:12But it was also the last birthday gift I would ever get.

00:04:15The year I turned 12, an old friend of my father's died of illness.

00:04:20On his deathbed, he asked my father to take in his only daughter, Olivia.

00:04:24And after her coming, my family's love, trust, attention, all of it, drifted away from me a little at a

00:04:29time.

00:04:30But I still treated her like my own sister before my 18th birthday.

00:04:33I loved her until the moment I saw her kissing my fiancé Felix in the garden.

00:04:41I snapped.

00:04:42Why are you doing this to me?

00:04:45Do you even see what you're like right now?

00:04:47You're a lunaturk.

00:04:49Cole's eyes were full of revulsion.

00:04:51My parents said nothing.

00:04:52They watched, like everyone else.

00:04:54The pain in my chest had me shaking head to toe.

00:04:56I went at Olivia with a knife.

00:04:58But Cole kicked me into a thicket of thorns.

00:05:00Every single person there crowded around Olivia, trying to calm her down, begging her not to cry.

00:05:05Nobody cared that what I'd had in my hand was just a plastic knife from the cake.

00:05:09My parents had me committed, said I was mentally ill.

00:05:12Cole's kick did real damage.

00:05:14I was coughing up blood day and night.

00:05:16I begged the doctor over and over to call my parents.

00:05:19Not a single call got answered.

00:05:21Then, after another round of electroshock, I stopped breathing.

00:05:24That was when I saw it.

00:05:26The soul shock.

00:05:27The one in the rumors.

00:05:28I traded everything I had to love with for one more chance.

00:05:31This time, no one gets to hurt me.

00:05:33Aina!

00:05:34Sweetheart, come on!

00:05:35You've been waiting for a little sister, haven't you?

00:05:37My mother holding Olivia's hand, smiling, waving me down.

00:05:40Olivia tipped up her clean little face and called me sister.

00:05:43I didn't react.

00:05:44I turned and walked back into my room.

00:05:46I left the four of them looking at each other in the living room.

00:05:50My father, confused.

00:05:51What's gotten into her now?

00:05:53Who upset her?

00:05:54My mother's voice went thin.

00:05:56Maybe she just needs a minute to get used to having a younger sister.

00:06:00It's fine.

00:06:01I'll go talk to her in a bit.

00:06:02Olivia's voice cracked.

00:06:04Mom, Dad, does my sister not like me?

00:06:08Maybe I should leave.

00:06:11Before my parents could say anything, Cole jumped in.

00:06:14Anya's just a little hot-tentured.

00:06:15Don't be sad.

00:06:16I'll go tell her off in a minute.

00:06:18Cole's so grown up.

00:06:20You take good care of your sister, okay?

00:06:22Their laughter floated up through the floor.

00:06:24I stood up and started going through my things.

00:06:26Too much time had passed.

00:06:28I couldn't remember everything 12-year-old me owned.

00:06:30A closer look.

00:06:31I was almost embarrassingly rich.

00:06:33No wonder Olivia loved taking my things.

00:06:35I scooped the jewelry off the vanity and dumped it into my backpack.

00:06:39I picked up the bracelet and remembered the time she'd smashed it.

00:06:41That was the first time I'd slapped Olivia.

00:06:44She'd hidden behind the door with her eyes red, voice tiny, like I was the one who'd broken

00:06:48her favorite thing.

00:06:50Sister, I'm sorry.

00:06:51I really didn't mean to.

00:06:53I just wanted to look at it.

00:06:55It slipped.

00:06:56Then she'd burst into tears.

00:06:57My parents came running.

00:06:59Cole came running.

00:07:00She had wrapped herself around my mother's leg, sobbing like she was going to pass out.

00:07:04But the moment no one was watching, she looked up at me and smirked.

00:07:07I pointed at her, trying to tell them truth.

00:07:10Anna!

00:07:10How can you be cruel to her?

00:07:12It's just a bracelet.

00:07:13You couldn't have let her have it?

00:07:15Just a bracelet?

00:07:17That bracelet was the gift Cole had bought me with the prize money from his first IT competition,

00:07:22and he'd forgotten.

00:07:24By the time I'd packed up everything, there was a soft knock on my door.

00:07:27My mother, voice soft, almost too patient.

00:07:30Anya?

00:07:31Sweetheart?

00:07:32Come out.

00:07:32Dinner's ready.

00:07:33I didn't answer.

00:07:34I just opened the door and let her walk me down to the dining room.

00:07:38My usual seat had Olivia in it.

00:07:40My father and Cole were both putting food on her plates.

00:07:42I turned to my mother.

00:07:43Should I eat on the floor?

00:07:45Every head snapped up.

00:07:47My mother's grip on my hand tightened.

00:07:50Of course not.

00:07:50My fault.

00:07:51I forgot to have them bring you a chair.

00:07:53Anna, please get Anya a chair.

00:07:55Olivia stood up, her wide, innocent eyes filling instantly.

00:07:58Sister, I'm sorry.

00:07:58I didn't know this was your seat.

00:08:00Here, take it.

00:08:02Cole jumped up and pushed her back into the chair, shooting me a hard look.

00:08:05Anna, it doesn't matter where you sit.

00:08:07Olivia just got here.

00:08:09Don't scare her.

00:08:10My parents said nothing.

00:08:11They were watching me.

00:08:12So this was tacit approval.

00:08:14I took the chair from the housekeeper and dragged it to the far end of the table,

00:08:18away from all of them.

00:08:19Cole's hands stalled mid-air over Olivia's plate.

00:08:22He opened his mouth a few times, closed it.

00:08:24We finished dinner in that strange, frozen quiet.

00:08:27As I stood up to head back upstairs, my father called after me.

00:08:30He cleared his throat, tried to smile.

00:08:33Anya, Olivia just lost her parents.

00:08:36We're her family now.

00:08:37We should take care of her.

00:08:38My mother chimed in.

00:08:40Yeah, mom knows.

00:08:41You probably aren't used to having a sister yet.

00:08:44But look at her.

00:08:45She's so sweet.

00:08:47Try to spend time with her.

00:08:48You'll grow close.

00:08:49My voice came out flat.

00:08:51And?

00:08:52My mother froze.

00:08:53Maybe I'd never spoken to her in that tone before.

00:08:56My father took a sip of his coffee and forced a smile.

00:08:59Anya, sweetheart.

00:09:00Olivia just transferred to her new school.

00:09:02She's not doing well.

00:09:03So how about you and Cole both drop back a grade so you can be in the same class as

00:09:08your sister?

00:09:08To sell it, he added quickly.

00:09:10Cole already said yes.

00:09:11We're just waiting on you.

00:09:13I looked at Cole and he was staring at the floor.

00:09:16Couldn't meet my eyes.

00:09:18Here we go.

00:09:19Last time around, it was the same.

00:09:21They made me and Cole, who were already in seventh grade, drop back to sixth with Olivia.

00:09:26A year later, my childhood sweetheart Felix, by then thick as thieves with Olivia,

00:09:30transferred into our class on the excuse that he wanted to look after me.

00:09:34After that, the three of them put on their little theater every day.

00:09:37Made up stories about how I was bullying Olivia, got the whole class to freeze me out.

00:09:41Brilliant.

00:09:42But I wasn't going to play with elementary schoolers this time.

00:09:44Waste of a life.

00:09:46I tilted my head.

00:09:48She needs two servants just to get through school?

00:09:51My father slammed his fork down.

00:09:53Anya, what did you just say?

00:09:55I said, since Cole's already volunteered to be her servant, you don't need to drag me into it.

00:10:00My mother grabbed her arm, eyes wide.

00:10:02Anya, what are you saying?

00:10:04What servant?

00:10:05Your dad just wants you all to spend time together.

00:10:08Get close.

00:10:09I have no obligation to get close to her.

00:10:12Whoever wants to wait on her, can wait on her.

00:10:14I stared at Cole.

00:10:16He'd been frozen like a deer in headlights this whole time.

00:10:19It's settled.

00:10:20The two of you go to elementary school.

00:10:22I'll stay in seventh grade.

00:10:23We leave each other alone.

00:10:25I turned and went upstairs.

00:10:26Left the four of them downstairs, consoling Olivia, who couldn't stop crying.

00:10:30Around nine that night, Cole knocked on my door.

00:10:33Anya, are you asleep?

00:10:35What?

00:10:36Could you open the door?

00:10:38No.

00:10:39The hall went quiet.

00:10:40Just as I thought he'd left, his voice came through again.

00:10:43Anya, you're upset, aren't you?

00:10:45No.

00:10:46You are.

00:10:47Anya, is it because I only paid attention to our new sister today and ignored you?

00:10:51I exhaled.

00:10:52Really?

00:10:52No.

00:10:53Cole, you can get close to whoever you want.

00:10:55I don't care.

00:10:56The hall went quiet again.

00:10:57After a long pause, his voice came back.

00:10:59There was something tired in it.

00:11:00Anya, Olivia, she's really pitiful.

00:11:02She's got such a soft heart, I'm scared she'll get pushed around.

00:11:05Anya, let me stay with her for a year.

00:11:07Once she settles in, I'll transfer back to your school, okay?

00:11:10Right, right, right.

00:11:12The school is funded by your family.

00:11:14You can do whatever you want.

00:11:16I slid my noise-canceling earplugs in, got into bed.

00:11:18The next morning, I walked into the living room with my suitcase and my backpack.

00:11:23Everyone froze.

00:11:26I looked up and saw Felix sitting next to Olivia, my future fiancé, the man who would

00:11:30one day betray me for Olivia.

00:11:32At 12, he was already a head taller than Cole.

00:11:35The moment he saw me, he jumped up, his soft, hazel eyes crinkling, voice all bright.

00:11:39Anya, I'm here to walk you to school.

00:11:42I looked down, saw Olivia's hand still wrapped around his arm.

00:11:45You don't need to walk me anywhere.

00:11:47Ever.

00:11:48If you want to walk someone else, go ahead.

00:11:50Why?

00:11:50I gestured at the suitcase behind me.

00:11:52Felix wasn't the only one looking lost.

00:11:54So were my parents.

00:11:55So was Cole.

00:11:56Anna?

00:11:57What's that?

00:11:58Cole's eyes were red-rimmed.

00:12:00Clothes.

00:12:01And some things I need.

00:12:02And my jewelry.

00:12:03I won't give them up this time.

00:12:04Forgot to mention, starting today, I'm leaving here.

00:12:08What?

00:12:09What?

00:12:10What?

00:12:11All of them at once.

00:12:13My father came over, cold-faced, and crouched down to look at me.

00:12:16Anya, why?

00:12:18Is home not good enough?

00:12:20Where do you even want to go?

00:12:22Boarding school.

00:12:23I set it flat.

00:12:24His hands on my hair was shaking a little, and he glanced back at Olivia, hesitant.

00:12:27Is it because, because of Olivia?

00:12:29Before I could react, Olivia bit her lip and let out a soft, choked sob.

00:12:32What are you saying?

00:12:33Of course not.

00:12:35Anya, you tell us yourself.

00:12:36Why are you boarding at school?

00:12:37It can't be because of your sister.

00:12:39You love her, don't you?

00:12:40Every face in the room was waiting, hopeful.

00:12:42They wanted me to say yes.

00:12:44I love her.

00:12:44I want to board because I'm being a brat.

00:12:46But I make it my job to disappoint people.

00:12:48No, I don't love her.

00:12:50I hate her.

00:12:51And it's not just her.

00:12:52I hate every single one of you.

00:12:54Their faces went bone white.

00:12:55Only Felix didn't really react.

00:12:57He looked like he thought I was throwing a jealous fit.

00:12:58His face was full of patience and rye indulgence.

00:13:01When I dragged my suitcase past him, he even reached out to help me carry it.

00:13:04I dodged.

00:13:04He didn't get angry, just kept trailing me.

00:13:07My parents tried to come after me, but Olivia's sobbing cut them off.

00:13:11Mom, Dad, send me to an orphan.

00:13:15I don't deserve to be here.

00:13:17Of course, more cooing, more comfort.

00:13:19The only odd thing was that Cole, for the first time, didn't say a word.

00:13:22Felix was still on my heels and climbed straight into my car.

00:13:25Get in your own car.

00:13:26No, I'm not going.

00:13:27I'm coming with you.

00:13:28My fingertips twitched.

00:13:30Last life around, the same.

00:13:31When everyone else turned on me, the only one who didn't take Olivia's side was Felix.

00:13:35He'd stand behind me when she set me up.

00:13:37He'd snap back at Cole when Cole yelled at me.

00:13:39When my parents got more and more disappointed in me, he'd hold me and say softly,

00:13:42Anya, don't be scared.

00:13:45You've got me.

00:13:46I'll always just love you.

00:13:48I'd clung to him like a drowning person clings to a piece of wood.

00:13:50Until our 14th birthday.

00:13:52Olivia collapsed out of nowhere.

00:13:53Felix, faster than anyone, shoved me out of the way and caught her.

00:13:56A fake medium he'd personally brought immediately took the chance and announced my name was

00:14:00bad luck and it was crushing Olivia's fortune.

00:14:02What a flimsy excuse.

00:14:04I still remember the shock and embarrassment on every guest's face that night.

00:14:07Every adult in the room could see it for what it was.

00:14:09A staged public humiliation.

00:14:11But my parents took me to get my name legally changed without a single argument.

00:14:15From that day forward, the name I'd had for 14 years, Anya, became a banned word in our

00:14:19house since they called me Mia.

00:14:20Mia.

00:14:21A name picked to protect Olivia.

00:14:22I hated it.

00:14:23I hated it until the day I died.

00:14:26I didn't answer Felix if he'd be transferring to Olivia's class in a few weeks anyway.

00:14:30I took my paperwork and my boarding fee straight to the dorm supervisor.

00:14:33When Felix saw me actually hand the money over, the casual look fell off his face.

00:14:37He finally got it.

00:14:38I wasn't joking around.

00:14:39Anya?

00:14:40Confusion was thick in his eyes.

00:14:42Why do you hate me too?

00:14:43What did I do wrong?

00:14:44His fingers caught at my sleeve carefully and I slapped his hand off hard, disgust all over

00:14:48my face.

00:14:49Wiped at my sleeve with a tissue, his voice caught in his throat.

00:14:52Anya.

00:14:52I walked off down the hallway to the head's office.

00:14:55Before first period started, I requested a transfer to a new class.

00:14:58When I came around the corner with an armful of books, I saw Felix again, eyes red.

00:15:03He looked at the books and my arms and his face crumpled.

00:15:06Anya, don't transfer, please.

00:15:09In that exact moment, a basketball came flying out of room 7B and clocked him square in the

00:15:14head.

00:15:14I dodged with the books and slipped into the classroom.

00:15:16Felix went down the hallway, caused a stir.

00:15:19A boy in the classroom was still in his shooting follow-through.

00:15:21His uniform hung loose on him.

00:15:23His mouth was stretched into an exaggerated...

00:15:25Whoa!

00:15:25Sorry, didn't mean to hit anyone.

00:15:27You good, man?

00:15:27I glanced at him.

00:15:29Walked past with my books.

00:15:30I might have been imagining it, but his arm went stiff for a second.

00:15:32Then he leaned on a desk with one hand and pointed casually at the seat next to him.

00:15:36Voice all swagger.

00:15:37Past that is the trash can.

00:15:40Maybe sit next to me?

00:15:43I looked at him.

00:15:44He looked away fast.

00:15:46Uh, the teacher said a new student was coming, told the class principal, me, to look out for

00:15:52her.

00:15:52He rubbed his face.

00:15:53Rubbed it so hard his ears went red.

00:15:55Class president of 7B, Jace, the certified troublemaker.

00:15:59The kids around me were either laughing at Felix on the floor or sneaking looks at us.

00:16:02I sighed.

00:16:037B's bad reputation was earned.

00:16:05I pressed my lips together.

00:16:08Thanks.

00:16:08I prefer to sit alone.

00:16:10I put my books down at the desk at the very back, against the wall.

00:16:14Jace looked annoyed at himself.

00:16:15His voice got urgent.

00:16:16Hey, you!

00:16:17Don't sit there.

00:16:17Trade with me.

00:16:18I'm taller.

00:16:19I'll block your view of the board.

00:16:20Before I could say no, Felix burst in, face streaked with dust, slammed his hands on

00:16:24my books.

00:16:25Anya, come back with me.

00:16:29Let go.

00:16:30No.

00:16:32Bro.

00:16:33Are you done with the drama?

00:16:34Jace looked at him like he was something stuck to his shoe.

00:16:37She wants to be in our class.

00:16:38Who asked you?

00:16:39Someone from the doorway tossed Jace another ball.

00:16:41He balanced it on one finger, spinning, and gave Felix a look that was pure dare.

00:16:45Felix ground his teeth, looked down at me, and I was already organizing my desk.

00:16:49Get out.

00:16:49The bell rang.

00:16:50Felix's hand clenched.

00:16:52Anya.

00:16:53I didn't answer.

00:16:54He gave up, shot Jace a venomous look, walked out, and I exhaled.

00:17:01Thanks.

00:17:02Wait, you talking to me?

00:17:04I nodded.

00:17:05He suddenly stood up straight as a board and chucked the basketball at the trash can behind

00:17:08me.

00:17:08I stared, didn't know what just happened.

00:17:10His face went redder.

00:17:11Reflex.

00:17:12Don't, don't mention it.

00:17:13I caught myself smiling.

00:17:14He went even stiffer.

00:17:17Jace ended up trading seats with me anyway.

00:17:19I told him over and over.

00:17:20It was winter.

00:17:21The trash got emptied off in.

00:17:22There was no smell.

00:17:23But he was firm.

00:17:24He moved me up to the front.

00:17:25You're obviously a neat freak.

00:17:27And a good student.

00:17:28No way I'm letting you sit back there.

00:17:30Like he decided to be the world's most committed class president, he handled every detail of

00:17:34my class transfer.

00:17:35So when the teacher pulled us aside and asked if I could help bring his grades up, I hesitated,

00:17:39then nodded.

00:17:39School life was dry but full.

00:17:41To stay away from home, I signed up for every tutoring program I could find on weekends.

00:17:45Summer and winter breaks, I packed myself off to camps abroad.

00:17:48Schoolwork aside, I was starting to look outward.

00:17:50See the world.

00:17:51At first my parents came to school every few days.

00:17:53Then since I always looked at them blankly, they stopped coming.

00:17:56Every so often there was a phone call.

00:17:57They'd sigh into the phone.

00:18:00Anya, we just want you girls to get along.

00:18:03Olivia really misses you?

00:18:05You're not coming home this weekend?

00:18:06No.

00:18:07I didn't say much.

00:18:09Conversations got awkward fat.

00:18:10I'd just hang up.

00:18:10They said I'm weird and unlikable now.

00:18:12They were right.

00:18:13I didn't have the ability to be adorable.

00:18:15But my brother Cole came every day.

00:18:17Without fail, he carried meals from home, running between the elementary school and the middle

00:18:21school.

00:18:21Sometimes Olivia trailed after him out of breath.

00:18:23She looked at me like I was the villain.

00:18:25Sister, our brother is killing himself doing this.

00:18:28Just be nice and come to our class.

00:18:30I took the meal box from Cole and sat down to eat.

00:18:32Olivia bit her lip, eyes wet, looked at Cole.

00:18:35He wiped sweat off his forehead and gave her a generous big brother smile.

00:18:38It's nothing.

00:18:39Anya, the school food's terrible.

00:18:41I'll bring you home cooking every day.

00:18:42I ignored him.

00:18:43He didn't get angry.

00:18:44When I finished eating, he'd take the empty container and run back to elementary school.

00:18:47Felix came less and less.

00:18:49He stopped pushing me to engage with him.

00:18:51He just spent every break standing by the window, glancing over at me like he wasn't.

00:18:54I pretended I couldn't see.

00:18:57The days went by.

00:18:58The day before my 14th birthday.

00:19:00My parents showed up at the school.

00:19:02Unusually, Cole was with them.

00:19:03When they saw me, both of them did a little double take.

00:19:06My mother's hands shook a bit as she grabbed my arm.

00:19:08You've gotten taller again.

00:19:10Sweetheart, it's been so long since you came home.

00:19:12Her eyes went pink and set off my father's too.

00:19:14There was a catch in his voice.

00:19:17Yeah, Anya.

00:19:18Your birthday is tomorrow.

00:19:19We've got everything set up.

00:19:20Come home, okay?

00:19:21Like he was scared I'd refuse.

00:19:23Cole added quickly.

00:19:24You can invite your friends.

00:19:25Classmates, you didn't come home last year.

00:19:27We waited up the whole night.

00:19:29Right.

00:19:29On my birthday last year, Jace had found out somehow.

00:19:32He dragged the whole goofy crew from class and announced we were going horseback riding.

00:19:37Anya, can you like open up a little?

00:19:40I looked at him, lost.

00:19:42He pulled at the corners of his own mouth with two fingers.

00:19:44It's your birthday.

00:19:46Quit being all uptight.

00:19:47Smile.

00:19:48He was sitting up on a tall chestnut horse.

00:19:50Happy birthday.

00:19:51Sun behind him, head tilted to look at me.

00:19:53Thanks.

00:19:56I sat up on the horse, wind in my ears, felt something inside me that had been locked tight.

00:20:01Easy.

00:20:02It wasn't until the next day that I saw all the missed calls from my family.

00:20:05And the pile of birthday gifts Cole had brought to the front of my classroom.

00:20:11I was surprised.

00:20:12Last time my 12th birthday was the last time I got a gift.

00:20:16Anya, come home tomorrow.

00:20:18Cole kept going, but when I turned, I saw Olivia holding onto Felix's arm.

00:20:21That memorable naming ceremony night, the nausea was still in me.

00:20:25I frowned without meaning to.

00:20:27Felix yanked his arm out of her hand fast.

00:20:29I've been looking for you.

00:20:30Olivia said you were here.

00:20:32She brought me.

00:20:33I just...

00:20:34I didn't have to explain.

00:20:34I cut him off.

00:20:35I'm busy tomorrow.

00:20:37I'm not coming home.

00:20:38Anya.

00:20:39I turned and went back into the classroom.

00:20:42Behind me, my mother had started crying.

00:20:44As I turned the corner, I heard a heavy sigh.

00:20:47Honey, did we...

00:20:49We do this wrong?

00:20:53But I don't care about them anymore.

00:20:54Right now, I had a butter knife in my hand,

00:20:56and I was carefully cutting into a cake that said happy birthday, Anya.

00:20:59The class turned off the lights,

00:21:00and the warm wash of candlelight everyone sang.

00:21:03Anya, make a wish.

00:21:05I closed my eyes for a second.

00:21:07Wished.

00:21:08With my whole soul.

00:21:09Please, whoever's listening.

00:21:10Keep me far away from those people this lifetime.

00:21:12When I opened my eyes,

00:21:13Jace was standing in front of me with a small wrapped box.

00:21:16Anya, happy birthday.

00:21:17Open it.

00:21:17I smiled and opened it.

00:21:20Froze.

00:21:20A hair clip studded with crystals.

00:21:22What?

00:21:22You don't like it?

00:21:23Should have asked you first.

00:21:24He scratched at his head, frustrated.

00:21:25The other day, I saw you staring at a hair clip on the sidewalk.

00:21:27That one was cheap.

00:21:28So I found a better one.

00:21:30I love it.

00:21:32He froze.

00:21:33I picked up the clip and put it in my hair.

00:21:37His eyes had that soft littering thing happening.

00:21:39No problem.

00:21:40As long as you like it.

00:21:41It's really pretty.

00:21:42It was.

00:21:43Very pretty.

00:21:44A piece by the international designer, Victor, from his Starlight Collection.

00:21:47When I was 17, I'd seen it at an auction and fallen in love with it.

00:21:51I thought my mother would love it too.

00:21:52I'd brought five years of saved up money.

00:21:55Started bidding.

00:21:55But that day, no matter what I bid, Olivia bid a dollar higher.

00:21:59In the end, my mother stepped in and bought the piece for $30 million.

00:22:04Absurd price.

00:22:05And she put it in Olivia's hair.

00:22:07They said,

00:22:07You have everything.

00:22:08Why fight a little girl over this?

00:22:10Olivia wore it in front of me every single day, showing off.

00:22:13Mia, it's the gift from mom, but I can give it to you if you beg me.

00:22:17That hair clip became one of my obsessions.

00:22:19And here it was in my palm, three years earlier than it should have been.

00:22:23My eyes filled before I knew it.

00:22:26All of you.

00:22:27Really.

00:22:28It was strange.

00:22:29The heart I'd thought was dead started slowly to beat again.

00:22:34After that day, my family started bothering me less.

00:22:38Even Cole and Felix, the daily fixtures, disappeared for a long stretch.

00:22:41It took the class gossip queen to fill me in.

00:22:45Olivia got crazy.

00:22:46She couldn't bear my parents or Cole, leaving her side for a second.

00:22:50I heard your mom mention sending her to a school abroad, and she snapped.

00:22:53Like, totally.

00:22:54Word is, she's even tried to hurt herself.

00:22:56She wanted to recover at home, but she won't let Cole come to school either.

00:22:59Whole family has to camp at home with her.

00:23:00Felix, too.

00:23:01She won't let go of him.

00:23:02His family's having a huge fight with yours about it.

00:23:04I gripped my pen tighter.

00:23:05This was exactly what I'd done in my last life.

00:23:07The more they ignored you, the harder you reached for attention.

00:23:10Tantrums, screaming, all of it.

00:23:12Like a lunatic, except she was luckier than I'd been.

00:23:15Her family was patient with her, and I was relieved.

00:23:17Not that any of it was my problem.

00:23:19With no one bothering me, I dragged the whole class into intense study mode.

00:23:22If someone slacked, Jace intimidated them.

00:23:25Six months later, we all got into the best high school in the city.

00:23:27I didn't go home once that summer.

00:23:30I went up Mount Kazbek with Jace's family.

00:23:32Turns out his parents were professional climbers.

00:23:34They'd originally planned to summit Mont Blanc.

00:23:36But you had to be 16 to climb Mont Blanc.

00:23:38Jace and I were both too young.

00:23:40Anya, hot tea.

00:23:42Jace's mother had a soft spot for me from day one.

00:23:44The gorgeous woman with sharp eyes would pull me into a hug and refuse to let go.

00:23:48Anya, you're so cute, so pretty.

00:23:50I'm in love.

00:23:51Be my daughter.

00:23:52Did it finally.

00:23:53Honestly, why is my kid a son?

00:23:54Doesn't make sense.

00:23:55Mom, please, be reasonable.

00:23:56Why is your kid a son?

00:23:57Because you don't have a daughter.

00:23:59His father's laugh thundered.

00:24:00The whole summit echoed with it.

00:24:02I caught my breath and looked out at the white world below.

00:24:05Jace shook out a blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders.

00:24:08I turned and saw his parents huddled together, grinning at us like idiots.

00:24:11But the moment we looked back, they snapped their heads away.

00:24:14Beautiful mountain.

00:24:16Beautiful snow.

00:24:18Beautiful young time.

00:24:20Jace's face was red and I couldn't help it.

00:24:22The corner of my mouth turned up.

00:24:27I didn't enroll in the private high school my family owned shares in.

00:24:30Cole lost it and he left Olivia, who was getting sicker by the day, and skipped a grade so he

00:24:34could be a high school freshman with me.

00:24:37Felix fought his own family.

00:24:39His mother locked him in his room and that ridiculous engagement I'd already brushed off

00:24:42as a joke before summer break.

00:24:45Mrs. Adler, please, keep an eye on your son.

00:24:48Don't let him keep chasing me.

00:24:49I told his mother without mercy.

00:24:50I told the school in advance to turn away outside visitors.

00:24:53So in three years, I saw them maybe four or five times total.

00:24:57The day after the SAT, my parents, who I hadn't seen in forever, ambushed me at the school gate.

00:25:03I didn't get out fast enough.

00:25:04I don't know how, but the two of them looked like they'd aged ten years.

00:25:08My mother walked toward me with this pleading smile.

00:25:10I stepped back without thinking.

00:25:12She froze, then covered her mouth and crumpled into my father's chest, sobbing.

00:25:16He started crying too.

00:25:19Anya, mom missed you so much.

00:25:21Let me hug you, please.

00:25:23I frowned without meaning to.

00:25:25Who do you miss?

00:25:26Who do you want to hug?

00:25:27Me?

00:25:27You already have a son and a daughter.

00:25:29Smart son who adores his sister.

00:25:31Sweet, well-behaved daughter who respects her parents.

00:25:34Why would you miss me?

00:25:35My mother's sobs stopped cold.

00:25:37She looked up at me, panic on her face.

00:25:39She started shaking.

00:25:43No, that's not, that's not real.

00:25:45That was a dream.

00:25:45That wasn't real.

00:25:46She kept shaking her head, mumbling to herself.

00:25:48My father grabbed her, alarmed.

00:25:53Anya, what did you do to your mother?

00:25:55I'm a full meter away from her.

00:25:56I haven't laid a finger on her, Mr. Linster.

00:25:58What did you just call me?

00:25:59Mr. Linster?

00:26:01Anya, are you losing your mind?

00:26:02Your mother and I came all the way here for you, and this is how you-

00:26:05I thought my attitude was fine, way better than how they'd treated me in my last life.

00:26:09I shrugged, stepped back.

00:26:10See you.

00:26:12Stop right there!

00:26:13He reached for my arm.

00:26:15I dodged.

00:26:17What, you want to hit me, Mr. Linchewski?

00:26:19I think we've spoiled you rotten.

00:26:21You need a lesson.

00:26:23His hand came up.

00:26:25My mother let out a scream that tore out of her chest.

00:26:27No!

00:26:28Don't hit her!

00:26:30She grabbed his arm, sobbing so hard her legs gave out, and ended up on the ground.

00:26:34That's why she hates me so much.

00:26:36She covered her face with her hands and laughed and cried into the pavement.

00:26:39I turned to leave, and behind me, Jace's mother yelled joyfully,

00:26:42Sweetheart, over here!

00:26:44She and Jace's father were each holding a bouquet, waving at me hard.

00:26:48Jace also stood beside them.

00:26:50I went up on my toes and yelled back,

00:26:52Auntie!

00:26:53I ran to her.

00:26:54She tossed her flowers at Jace and grabbed me and spun me in a full circle.

00:26:58Feels better now that it's over, right?

00:27:00Take a few days.

00:27:01Then we mont blanc.

00:27:02Here we come.

00:27:02Um, yes.

00:27:03Jace took my bag.

00:27:04His dad pressed an ice cream into my hand.

00:27:06The four of us walked off together, laughing,

00:27:08and behind us, two figures stood frozen,

00:27:10getting smaller and smaller in the distance.

00:27:14The day we flew to France, Jace's dad was driving.

00:27:17His mom was in the passenger seat, humming, and both of them lit up.

00:27:20Jace and I, on the other hand,

00:27:22hit the back seats, and we're out cold.

00:27:25I figured we'd sleep all the way to the airport,

00:27:27and then his dad slammed on the brakes,

00:27:28and our heads cracked into the seat back.

00:27:31When I opened my eyes, a dark figure had launched in front of the car.

00:27:34If his dad's brakes hadn't been fast, the guy would have gone flying.

00:27:39Insurance scam?

00:27:40We piled out, but the man on his knees in front of the car was Cole.

00:27:44I hadn't seen him in a year.

00:27:45The sight of him was a shock.

00:27:46He was so thin, painfully thin.

00:27:49Middle of summer, and he was bundled head to toe in heavy clothing,

00:27:52and his exposed face was covered in marks.

00:27:55It's like claw marks, fingernails, old ones layered with new.

00:27:58A handsome face, basically ruined.

00:28:01I jumped.

00:28:02Jace and his dad immediately stepped in front of me and his mom.

00:28:04You sick, man?

00:28:06You want to play in traffic?

00:28:07Jace went full volume, and I gave him a quiet thumbs up.

00:28:09He winked.

00:28:10Cole snapped like a stray dog gone feral.

00:28:13He slammed past Jace and threw himself at me,

00:28:15and his whole body was shaking, his red raw eyes pouring tears.

00:28:18Please forgive us.

00:28:18Come home and see mom.

00:28:20She's dying.

00:28:20I'm begging you.

00:28:21He was strong out of his mind.

00:28:23Both Jace's parents together couldn't pull him off me.

00:28:26Jace lost it.

00:28:27He grabbed a tire iron out of the trunk and went to swing it at Cole's head.

00:28:30Jake, don't!

00:28:32I yanked Cole down with me toward the curb.

00:28:34Jace, drop it!

00:28:36Honey.

00:28:36His mother and I shouted at the same time, and it finally pulled him back.

00:28:40The tire iron fell, cracked the pavement.

00:28:42Was he insane?

00:28:44You go to prison for killing someone?

00:28:46I looked at Jace, heart still hammering.

00:28:48He was more shaken than I was, jaw locked, veins standing out in his neck.

00:28:53Something flickered.

00:28:54I felt like I'd seen this exact moment before, and I shook my head.

00:28:57Sweat ran down off my hairline, and I gave in, looked at Cole.

00:29:03I'll go with you.

00:29:04Let go.

00:29:05You're hurting me.

00:29:06Jace and his parents worried about me, so they drove me and Cole home.

00:29:09Cole was not okay.

00:29:11He huddled against the car window, shaking, mumbling garbled stuff.

00:29:15He turned to Jace.

00:29:17I've seen you before.

00:29:19It was you.

00:29:20It was you!

00:29:21I looked at Jace.

00:29:22His face was cold, blank.

00:29:24He also didn't look like himself.

00:29:25My heart skipped.

00:29:27I grabbed his arm.

00:29:28Jace?

00:29:29A grin appeared on his mouth.

00:29:30Your humble servant, at your command, my lady.

00:29:33Okay.

00:29:34Not body snatched.

00:29:35That weird.

00:29:36Definitely him.

00:29:37But Cole was looking at us with more horror now.

00:29:39He shrank further into the window.

00:29:41Already thin, next to Jace's broader build, he looked like a ghost.

00:29:44I felt uneasy.

00:29:45So I took Jace's hand, and before I could say anything, his face flushed all the way to his ears.

00:29:50Idiot.

00:29:52Back at the Lindquist house, I didn't know where to look first.

00:29:55The front door, painted over with vicious letters in red, die slow.

00:29:59Whole family burn.

00:30:00Hypocrites.

00:30:01Jace stepped around the paint, pushed the half-open door.

00:30:03The living room came into view.

00:30:05Tables.

00:30:06Smashed.

00:30:06Chairs.

00:30:07Broken.

00:30:07Couch.

00:30:08Scorched.

00:30:08The spiral staircase had bloody clothes scattered all the way up.

00:30:11I covered my mouth, came close to throwing up.

00:30:13Jace's mom was furious and scared at the same time.

00:30:16She wanted to take me right back out, but Jace, for once, stopped her.

00:30:19Mom.

00:30:21This needs an ending.

00:30:23This is Anya's call.

00:30:25Let her decide.

00:30:26I made a fist, looked at Cole, who'd been silent since we walked in.

00:30:29You dragged me here and now you've gone mute?

00:30:30Where are your parents?

00:30:32Where's your sister?

00:30:33His body swayed.

00:30:34His chapped lips trembled.

00:30:36Dad's in the ER.

00:30:37Mom's in her room.

00:30:39Olivius is in a psych ward.

00:30:40My chest tightened.

00:30:41You lied to me.

00:30:42You said everyone was home.

00:30:44You said mom was just sick.

00:30:45It's not just my mom.

00:30:46She's our mom, Anaya.

00:30:48She's not.

00:30:48I was breathing wrong.

00:30:49You brought me here for what?

00:30:51I tensed, shifted my weight, blocked Auntie behind me.

00:30:54No, no.

00:30:54I'm not here to hurt you.

00:30:56I swear.

00:30:57Mom is really dying.

00:30:59She...

00:30:59He didn't finish before my mother came stumbling out of her bedroom in a giant nightgown,

00:31:04hair everywhere, face hollowed out.

00:31:06The second she saw me, she nearly tumbled down the stairs.

00:31:09Anya.

00:31:10My Anya.

00:31:11Sweetheart.

00:31:11Are you hurt?

00:31:13Are you hurt?

00:31:14Anya.

00:31:15My baby girl.

00:31:17I'm so sorry.

00:31:18It's all my fault, my sweet girl.

00:31:21I shouldn't have let those people take you away.

00:31:24Were you scared?

00:31:26My Anya?

00:31:27Two tears fell from her eyes onto the back of her hand.

00:31:30Both of us froze.

00:31:31She knew she had the memory of last life.

00:31:33She was crying for the version of herself who watched her daughter get dragged into a psych

00:31:36ward sobbing until she vomited blood.

00:31:38Crying for the version of herself who let her daughter cling to a car door, begging to

00:31:42be hugged one more time, and turned away.

00:31:44Mia, stop with this insanity.

00:31:46Without you, I still have my son and daughter.

00:31:48My son is sweet and smart and adores his sister.

00:31:51My daughter is gentle and respectful.

00:31:53I can't imagine how I ended up with a neurotic mess like you.

00:31:56You're an embarrassment to this family.

00:31:58An embarrassment to this family.

00:31:59That was the last thing my mother had said to me in my last life.

00:32:01I'd realized a while back she was starting to get her memories back too.

00:32:04The headmaster had asked me once, confused, if I had a nickname.

00:32:08Mia.

00:32:08Um, your mom texts me a lot, asked me to look after you.

00:32:11It was always normal.

00:32:12But the past two weeks, she keeps getting your name wrong.

00:32:15She'd thought it was a dream, or she'd lied to herself that it was a dream.

00:32:18But then she heard me.

00:32:19She realized it had all really happened, and she broke.

00:32:22Cole, send your mother to a psych ward.

00:32:25She's a better fit for the place than Olivia ever was.

00:32:27Cole, who had only been weeping, raised his head, looked at our increasingly unhinged mother,

00:32:31and dropped to his knees.

00:32:33While we waited for the doctor, I finally pieced together from Cole's broken account what had happened.

00:32:38Three years ago, Olivia had overheard our mother say she regretted adopting her.

00:32:41That broke something in her.

00:32:42The soft sweetness vanished.

00:32:44She turned obsessive.

00:32:45Vicious.

00:32:45Vicious to everyone.

00:32:46Worse to herself.

00:32:47She started cutting herself.

00:32:49Middle of the night, she'd take a knife into our parents' bedroom.

00:32:51Slice open her arm.

00:32:52Bleed.

00:32:53Cutting and crying, telling them how her father had begged ours to take her in.

00:32:56Saying she loved them.

00:32:57Saying she couldn't be abandoned.

00:32:58The whole family was terrified.

00:33:00No one dared say the words, send her away again.

00:33:02They watched her even more carefully.

00:33:04Used to be out of love.

00:33:05Now it was fear.

00:33:06But she still felt unsafe.

00:33:08She started demanding everyone be with her, day and night.

00:33:11If anyone left, she screamed and clawed at whatever was in reach.

00:33:14Cole and Felix dropped out of school because she'd clawed up their faces.

00:33:17And that's why Felix's family had gone to war with mine a month before.

00:33:20My mother was already not right in the head.

00:33:22She would sit alone in a room and call out softly.

00:33:24My girl.

00:33:25My girl.

00:33:25Olivia, thinking her adoptive mother had finally come around, ran in to throw her arms around her.

00:33:30My mother shoved her heart onto the floor.

00:33:32The softness was gone.

00:33:33The way she looked at Olivia was pure revulsion.

00:33:35Olivia finally understood.

00:33:36She wasn't the girl being called.

00:33:38Her adoptive mother was calling someone else.

00:33:40Someone invisible.

00:33:41Her real daughter.

00:33:41Olivia couldn't take the humiliation.

00:33:43She started torturing all of them harder.

00:33:45When she overheard my parents talking about cutting her loose the day she turned 18,

00:33:48she got out the paint and ruined the whole front of the house.

00:33:51I'll expose you.

00:33:52You abused a dead man's daughter.

00:33:54May you all rot.

00:33:55The night before college application deadlines, she demanded that Cole stay up and take her

00:33:59to a bar.

00:33:59When Cole flatly said he didn't want to, she sliced her wrist.

00:34:02Cole panicked, bandaged her, and went.

00:34:04She drugged his drink.

00:34:05By the time Cole came to, it was late the next afternoon.

00:34:08Cole.

00:34:09I matter more than the college, right?

00:34:12I'm the most important, right?

00:34:13Cole shut himself in his room and refused to come out.

00:34:16What was harder to believe was that she'd used my name to lure Felix out too.

00:34:20Cole said Felix's drink wasn't drugged.

00:34:22At least, before he passed out, Felix had been completely alert.

00:34:25Somehow, Felix didn't make it to the application either.

00:34:27Felix's father showed up at our house with men.

00:34:29The men he brought stabbed my father and dragged Olivia to a psych ward.

00:34:34My mother was still wildly unstable, especially after the doctors arrived.

00:34:37She wrapped both arms around me and wouldn't let go, screaming,

00:34:40Don't take my daughter!

00:34:41Don't take me away!

00:34:43I pried her hands off me.

00:34:44First, I'm not your daughter.

00:34:46Second, my name isn't Mia.

00:34:47And I hate that name about as much as I hate you.

00:34:50You and your husband weren't raising kids.

00:34:51You were running a fight ring.

00:34:53Last one alive gets to call you mom?

00:34:54And honestly, I'm baffled.

00:34:56Every kid you adopt, every kid you raise, ends up a wreck.

00:34:59If you can't love your kids equally, why have them at all?

00:35:01She finally went silent, eyes huge, tears non-stop.

00:35:04In the end, like the last bit of air had been pushed out of her,

00:35:06she collapsed to her knees and let the doctors and nurses load her into the car.

00:35:10Past the bushes by the door, I could feel something burning into me.

00:35:13A stare.

00:35:13I turned.

00:35:14Just caught a limping figure walking away.

00:35:16The second I recognized that walk,

00:35:18Anya?

00:35:18Jace was calling me.

00:35:19I turned back.

00:35:20He was tilting or doubling.

00:35:21His outline split into two, three.

00:35:23No, not him.

00:35:24And it was me.

00:35:25Anya.

00:35:26My head was so heavy.

00:35:27I'd walked into fog like a stray ghost drifting, searching with nowhere to go.

00:35:31Anna.

00:35:32Anna.

00:35:33Anna.

00:35:34Someone calling me?

00:35:35But my name was Mia now.

00:35:37I'd had it changed.

00:35:38Anya.

00:35:39Don't scare me.

00:35:40Anya.

00:35:40Who was calling him?

00:35:41Sounded like a boy.

00:35:42Voice cracked with panic.

00:35:43Made me want to cry.

00:35:44I wanted to tell him.

00:35:45Don't cry.

00:35:46I'm not worth it.

00:35:47You are.

00:35:48You deserve to be loved.

00:35:50Anya.

00:35:50Is your real name Anya?

00:35:52It's beautiful.

00:35:54So much better than Mia.

00:35:55Anya.

00:35:56From now on, I'll only call you Anya.

00:35:58Don't be scared.

00:35:58If that psycho comes back, I'll throw him out.

00:36:00He tries to choke you again, touch you.

00:36:02I'll kill him myself.

00:36:03Hey, Anya.

00:36:04Don't cry.

00:36:05They just shocked me a couple times.

00:36:06I'm tough.

00:36:06I can take it.

00:36:07Doesn't hurt.

00:36:07Anya.

00:36:08What's wrong?

00:36:09Why are you coughing blood?

00:36:10You're scaring me.

00:36:11What?

00:36:11Where did these bruises come from?

00:36:13Your brother.

00:36:14Your brother kicked you.

00:36:15Is he even human?

00:36:17Anna.

00:36:18No.

00:36:19Don't close your eyes, please.

00:36:21The blurry voices in the fog and one clear, sobbing voice overlapped.

00:36:24Oh, I know now.

00:36:26I see you.

00:36:28My chase.

00:36:29The boy who'd shared that psych ward with me once in last night.

00:36:33The boy who at 18 watched both his parents die saving someone.

00:36:36The boy whose mind broke.

00:36:38The boy who, when Felix had a hand around my throat and his mouth on mine, broke out

00:36:42of his restraints and put a fist through Felix's temple.

00:36:45The boy who, again and again, sat through electroshock for me after I stopped breathing.

00:36:50He broke out of that godforsaken psych ward, set the Lindquist house on fire, watched them

00:36:54scream and run and shove each other in the flames, all one by one, then took a piece of

00:36:58broken glass and dragged it across his own throat.

00:37:01We met again, in the fog.

00:37:02He took my hand and led me forward, step by step.

00:37:04Anya, why didn't I find you sooner?

00:37:07I love you.

00:37:08I love you.

00:37:09I love you so much.

00:37:10You deserve everything.

00:37:12Anya, if we get to do it over, stay far from what hurts you.

00:37:16Love yourself more than anyone.

00:37:18Promise me.

00:37:18Yes.

00:37:19I want to make the trade.

00:37:21Trade my whole soul.

00:37:23For the love and feeling that girl pawned to you.

00:37:25She doesn't get to lose her ability to love.

00:37:27She has to love herself.

00:37:29She has to grow a heart that loves herself.

00:37:32Please, give it back.

00:37:33The sweet man looked up at the stubborn boy in front of him.

00:37:36His eyes held something almost like pity.

00:37:38All right.

00:37:40In fact, I'll make you a wager.

00:37:45How about it?

00:37:46I bet this girl, even this lifetime, doesn't learn to love herself.

00:37:50I'll take every memory of you out of her.

00:37:52And you, I'll send back with these memories.

00:37:55You'll watch her, day after day, walk the same path.

00:37:58Unable to speak.

00:37:59Unable to change anything.

00:38:00He held out a hand.

00:38:01A contract.

00:38:02You're wrong.

00:38:04She will learn to love herself.

00:38:06I'm sure of it.

00:38:07The boy didn't hesitate.

00:38:08Gave him his heart.

00:38:09A flash of white light.

00:38:12I opened my eyes.

00:38:13A hospital ceiling and by the bed, Jace.

00:38:15Slumped forward, gripping my hand like I might disappear.

00:38:19You're awake.

00:38:20My movement had woken him.

00:38:21I looked at him.

00:38:22At the dark circles under his eyes.

00:38:24At the worry he was trying to hide.

00:38:26The tears came before I could stop them.

00:38:27I know.

00:38:29I know it was you.

00:38:30Before he could react, I threw myself into his arms.

00:38:34Two months later, I was discharged.

00:38:36The doctor said it was a short blackout caused by emotional overload.

00:38:39Jace and I got into the same university just like we'd planned.

00:38:42In our free time, Jace put a lot of work into educating amateur climbers about the dangers

00:38:46of snow mountains and basic survival skills.

00:38:48The mountain rescue team we self-funded was now up and running.

00:38:51And his parents, still the same firecrackers they'd always been.

00:38:54I thought about asking them to stop climbing.

00:38:56Jace and I both worried they'd lose their lives saving someone again.

00:38:59Every time I tried, the light in their eyes shut me up.

00:39:01People need to love things, for forcing them to give it up is its own kind of cruelty.

00:39:05Luckily.

00:39:06The fall, we turned 18.

00:39:08They saved the climber, clinging to a cliff edge.

00:39:10This time, with a professional rescue team backing them up, nobody got hurt.

00:39:14I saw the headline pop on my phone and grabbed Jace and made him do three laps around the field

00:39:19with me.

00:39:19He finally dropped the casual front, knelt on the rubber track and cried and laughed for

00:39:23half an hour.

00:39:24I looked down, scrolled.

00:39:26A few headlines also popped out.

00:39:27Adler family declares bankruptcy.

00:39:29Patriarch sentence for hiring a hit.

00:39:31Murder for hire case takes a turn.

00:39:33Olivia Lindquist confesses she drugged Felix Adler and handed him to men known to prey on

00:39:37young men.

00:39:38Love and revenge entangled.

00:39:40Felix Adler strangles Olivia Lindquist in a psychiatric facility.

00:39:44Death penalty likely.

00:39:45Former child prodigy Cole Lindquist found dead at home.

00:39:48Suicide suspected.

00:39:49Hey, why aren't you comforting me?

00:39:51What are you reading?

00:39:52I gave up, took his hand.

00:39:54Comforting you?

00:39:55Not enough.

00:39:56What do you want?

00:39:57He leaned in.

00:39:59You?

00:40:01Shameless.

00:40:02The year we graduated college, Jace and I finally stood on top of Mont Blanc.

00:40:06Snow that never melts.

00:40:08White everywhere, below us.

00:40:09But this time, none of the heaviness from my first climb.

00:40:12I was still just a little worried.

00:40:14I put my hand on his chest again.

00:40:16You really feel fine?

00:40:17Not even a little off?

00:40:19We're back.

00:40:20Not even a little.

00:40:21Not at all.

00:40:22My Anya is amazing.

00:40:25Loves herself.

00:40:26Works hard.

00:40:27Won me my bet so completely.

00:40:29I let out a long breath.

00:40:31Although, don't you think?

00:40:33My heart's beating really fast.

00:40:35You.

00:40:36Pervert.

00:40:37Give me back my sweet, innocent boy.

00:40:38He grinned at me, those two little canine teeth showing.

00:40:41Then his grin faded.

00:40:42He looked at me for a long moment.

00:40:44Anya.

00:40:45Hmm?

00:40:45He let go of my hand, took a step back, and then dropped to one knee in the snow.

00:40:49I froze and he fumbled inside his climbing jacket, pulled out a small velvet box.

00:40:53His hands were shaking, not from the cold.

00:40:55I had a whole speech planned.

00:40:57Forgot all of it.

00:40:58You can't imagine how happy I'm the day watched you walked into room 7B with a stack of books.

00:41:02In every life.

00:41:03The one you remember.

00:41:04The one you don't.

00:41:05They told me you'd never learn to love yourself.

00:41:07They said I'd lose.

00:41:08They said I'd watch you walk the same road and never be able to stop you.

00:41:11But you did it.

00:41:12You loved yourself first.

00:41:13He finally looked up.

00:41:14His eyes were wet.

00:41:15Will you let me love you for the rest of this one?

00:41:17I knelt in front of him in the snow, took his face in both my hands.

00:41:21You stupid idiot.

00:41:23That's not a yes.

00:41:24It's a yes.

00:41:25I kissed him.

00:41:28When we pulled apart, he slid the ring onto my finger with hands still shaking.

00:41:32I looked down at it.

00:41:34At the small stone.

00:41:35Catching the sun.

00:41:37Tell him he lost.

00:41:38Jace went still.

00:41:40Then he started laughing, really laughing, loud and bright, echoing off the snow.

00:41:45Three months after Mont Blanc.

00:41:47The ring sat on my finger.

00:41:48Simple, perfect, real.

00:41:50Jace's mother was in our living room with three binders, two laptops and a phone she kept losing.

00:41:55Anya, sweetheart, outdoor or indoor, pick one, I beg you.

00:42:01Outdoor.

00:42:02She kissed my forehead.

00:42:05He'd argue with me for an hour about chairs.

00:42:08I would not.

00:42:09You would.

00:42:10You did.

00:42:10Last week.

00:42:12About napkins.

00:42:13Old classmates.

00:42:15Your tutor.

00:42:15The lady from the bakery you like.

00:42:18Your roommate from college.

00:42:20They will come for you.

00:42:21That night, in bed, Jace pulled me against his chest.

00:42:24You okay?

00:42:25Yes.

00:42:26Liar.

00:42:27Tomorrow's the fitting.

00:42:29I know.

00:42:31I'll be fine.

00:42:33I know.

00:42:34He kissed the top of my head.

00:42:35You don't have to be fine, Anya.

00:42:37The next morning, Jace's mother drove me to the bridal shop herself.

00:42:40The shop was bright and fancy.

00:42:42The seamstress brought out three dresses.

00:42:44I picked the one with the least fabric, less to think about.

00:42:47The dress fit.

00:42:48I looked in the mirror.

00:42:49A beautiful bride looked back at me.

00:42:50But suddenly something hit me.

00:42:51I sat down on the little velvet stool in the corner of the dressing room and put my hands

00:42:55over my face and started to cry.

00:42:58Jace's mother stepped inside.

00:42:59She knelt down in front of the stool and put both arms around me and held on.

00:43:03I cried into her shoulder until I ran out of tears and then I cried a little more anyway.

00:43:07She wiped under my eyes with her thumb.

00:43:09Better?

00:43:10After a long time, my breathing evened out.

00:43:12A little.

00:43:13Good.

00:43:15She stood up.

00:43:16The dress is gorgeous on you.

00:43:18We'll get it taken in half an inch at the waist.

00:43:22Anya, you're allowed to have a small wedding.

00:43:24You're allowed to have a big one.

00:43:26And you're allowed to cry in a dressing room.

00:43:29But you're not allowed to apologize for it.

00:43:31Hear me?

00:43:32I nodded.

00:43:33She kissed my forehead and walked out.

00:43:34I sat there in the dress for another minute.

00:43:36And then I stood up, faced the mirror, and looked at the woman in white.

00:43:39This time I smiled back at her.

00:43:41Look at us.

00:43:42How lucky we are.

00:43:45Two weeks before the wedding, and I was sorting old emails on a Sunday morning.

00:43:48Most of it was junk.

00:43:50Coupon from a hiking store.

00:43:51A reminder about my dentist.

00:43:52A receipt I'd lost.

00:43:53Then one with no subject line.

00:43:55The sender was a recovery facility.

00:43:57My finger hovered over delete.

00:43:59I opened it instead.

00:44:01Miss Lindrist, my name is Dr. Halper.

00:44:03I am writing to you on behalf of a patient in our long-term care program.

00:44:06His name is Cole Lindrist.

00:44:08He has been with us for three years.

00:44:09He asked me only to pass on a message.

00:44:11He wanted you to know that even though he can't face you, he's sorry for everything that happened.

00:44:15And he heard you're getting married.

00:44:16He wanted to wish you both every happiness.

00:44:17Sincerely, Dr. M. Halper.

00:44:19What's wrong?

00:44:20I turned the laptop toward him, and he read.

00:44:22His jaw did the thing it did when he was angry.

00:44:24He kept reading.

00:44:25He read it again.

00:44:29So, what do you think about it, sweetheart?

00:44:32I thought he was dead.

00:44:33In the other life?

00:44:35Yes.

00:44:36This one's different.

00:44:37I know.

00:44:38I looked at the screen.

00:44:40He didn't ask to see me.

00:44:42No.

00:44:43He just wanted to apologize?

00:44:46Yeah.

00:44:46Jace?

00:44:48Yeah?

00:44:49I want to go.

00:44:51Okay.

00:44:53You don't think it's a bad idea?

00:44:55I think it's your idea.

00:44:56That's all I need to know.

00:44:58And I'll drive you and wait in the parking lot.

00:45:01Jace.

00:45:01Non-negotiable.

00:45:02I won't come in.

00:45:03I won't text.

00:45:05But I have to be there when you walk out.

00:45:07He reached up and took my hand.

00:45:09He kissed my knuckles right over the ring.

00:45:11I picked the laptop back up.

00:45:12I wrote three lines to Dr. Halpern.

00:45:14I would like to come.

00:45:15Friday, if possible.

00:45:17The facility was a low brick building outside the city.

00:45:20Pine trees, a pond.

00:45:22Jace turned off the engine.

00:45:23I'll be here.

00:45:24Yes.

00:45:25Take as long as you need.

00:45:26I won't.

00:45:28I got out.

00:45:29Walked through the lobby.

00:45:30Signed in.

00:45:31A woman in a soft cardigan led me down a hallway that smelled faintly of bleach.

00:45:36She stopped at a door marked Visitation Room 3.

00:45:38He's already inside.

00:45:40There's glass between you.

00:45:41It's standard for long-term patients in his level of care.

00:45:44You can stand or sit.

00:45:45There's an intercom.

00:45:46Press the button to speak.

00:45:48She opened the door for me and stepped back.

00:45:50I walked in.

00:45:51Cole was on the other side of the glass.

00:45:52I almost didn't recognize him.

00:45:54He had lost so much weight that his cheekbones were sharp.

00:45:56His hair was shorter than I'd ever seen it.

00:45:58He wore a gray sweatshirt and soft pants and shoes without laces.

00:46:01His eyes were the same color as mine.

00:46:03He stood up when I came in.

00:46:04He looked a little panic.

00:46:05I sat down and pressed the intercom.

00:46:10Hello, Cole.

00:46:13Hi.

00:46:14He pressed his own.

00:46:15His voice was quieter than I remembered.

00:46:17Slower.

00:46:18He didn't waste time.

00:46:19Thank you for coming.

00:46:20I didn't come for you.

00:46:22Can I say what I want you to know?

00:46:24Yes.

00:46:27I made a list of the things I got wrong.

00:46:31I thought I would say them to you if I ever got the chance, so...

00:46:34Okay.

00:46:36I shouldn't have let go of your hand on the stairs that day.

00:46:40I shouldn't have kicked you into the thorns.

00:46:42I shouldn't have called you cruel for being upset about a bracelet I forgot I'd given you.

00:46:48I shouldn't have gone along with the name change.

00:46:51I shouldn't have let them put you in that place.

00:46:55He didn't ask me to say anything back.

00:46:57He just listed them.

00:46:58Each thing.

00:46:58Some of the things he said were things I had forgotten.

00:47:01Some of them I hadn't.

00:47:02When he got to the end of the list, he stopped.

00:47:04He looked up at me through the glass for the first time since I'd sat down.

00:47:07That's all.

00:47:08I'm not asking you to forgive me.

00:47:10I wanted you to know that I know.

00:47:12Thank you for telling me.

00:47:15But we're not going to see each other again.

00:47:21He nodded once.

00:47:22Okay.

00:47:23I stood up.

00:47:24I picked up my bag.

00:47:25I had my hand on the handle when his voice came through the speaker, soft.

00:47:30Oh no.

00:47:31I stopped.

00:47:32I didn't turn around.

00:47:34Have a beautiful wedding.

00:47:35Then I opened it and walked out.

00:47:36In the parking lot, Jace was leaning against the car.

00:47:38He saw me coming and pushed off the door but didn't move toward me.

00:47:41I walked the last 20 feet and stopped in front of him.

00:47:44Hi.

00:47:48Hi.

00:47:51Are you okay?

00:47:53Yes.

00:47:54Really?

00:47:56Really.

00:47:57He opened the car door for me.

00:47:59I got in with a smile.

00:48:02The call came on a Tuesday afternoon.

00:48:04I was at the Foundation's office reviewing the quarterly report when Jace walked in with

00:48:08his phone in his hand and a look on his face I hadn't seen before.

00:48:11What?

00:48:12Mercier Sport is pulling.

00:48:13I sat down the report.

00:48:15All of it?

00:48:17All of it.

00:48:18They issued a statement an hour ago.

00:48:20On what grounds?

00:48:21Mismanagement.

00:48:22Specific my call last week on the Pyrenees rescue.

00:48:24The call where you brought everyone home alive?

00:48:26That one.

00:48:27Yes.

00:48:28He sat down across from me and I picked up my own phone.

00:48:31The statement was already trending in the climbing community.

00:48:35I looked up.

00:48:36They're going after your dad.

00:48:39Yes.

00:48:40Why?

00:48:42He turned the phone toward me.

00:48:43A second article posted within the hour.

00:48:45An anonymous source claims that the 2007 rescue had been embellished.

00:48:49Claims that one of the climbers had nearly died because of a delayed call.

00:48:52Claims that Jace's father had lied to the press for two decades.

00:48:55I scrolled.

00:48:56The comments were already nasty.

00:48:57I told my dad to ignore it.

00:48:59He won't.

00:49:00He didn't move from the chair.

00:49:02I noticed his hands resting on his knees.

00:49:04Loose.

00:49:05Calm.

00:49:05Too calm.

00:49:06I'll handle the board.

00:49:07We'll find another sponsor.

00:49:08It'll take a year, maybe two.

00:49:10The rescue work doesn't stop.

00:49:12Jace.

00:49:12It's fine.

00:49:14It's a business problem.

00:49:16Jace.

00:49:17He looked at me.

00:49:18I didn't push.

00:49:19He stood up after a while and went to make calls.

00:49:21I watched him through the glass wall of the conference room.

00:49:24He talked to four people in an hour.

00:49:26Then he hung up.

00:49:27He drank water.

00:49:28He made another.

00:49:29I went to bed at midnight.

00:49:30I woke up at three.

00:49:32The balcony light was still on.

00:49:33I walked to the doorway in my socks and stopped.

00:49:35He was standing at the railing, his back to me.

00:49:37A beer untouched on the little table next to him.

00:49:40The city was quiet at three in the morning.

00:49:42You could see the streetlights all the way down.

00:49:43He didn't know I was there.

00:49:44He stood there for another ten minutes without moving.

00:49:47Then he put his hand over his face and bent forward just a little.

00:49:50And his shoulders moved once and then again.

00:49:52I had known this man since I was 13 years old.

00:49:55I had never seen him do that.

00:49:56He'd been the strong one for me for so long that I'd let myself believe he was just made that

00:50:00way.

00:50:00He needed that ten minutes by himself.

00:50:01But when he finally turned around and saw me in the doorway,

00:50:04I walked across the balcony and wrapped both arms around his middle.

00:50:07Tomorrow.

00:50:08Tomorrow what?

00:50:10I handle it.

00:50:11Aina.

00:50:13Believe me.

00:50:15The press conference was at 2 p.m. the next afternoon.

00:50:18I called it.

00:50:19I did not tell Jace until I'd already booked the room.

00:50:21He found out at 9 that morning and walked into the kitchen with his coffee and stared at me.

00:50:26Anya.

00:50:28Yes.

00:50:30You called a press conference.

00:50:32Yes.

00:50:34In my father's name.

00:50:36In the foundation's name.

00:50:38I slid my laptop across the table.

00:50:39He read for a long time.

00:50:40Then he looked up.

00:50:42Where did you get the audio?

00:50:43From the team.

00:50:44All of it is logged.

00:50:46Mercier signed off on the protocol when they came on.

00:50:47I just pulled the files.

00:50:49And the climber for 2007, he flew in this morning.

00:50:51He said they'll speak after me.

00:50:54Anya.

00:50:55You did all of this last night?

00:50:57I started immediately when I knew it.

00:50:59He sat there with the laptop.

00:51:00I watched him.

00:51:01He closed it.

00:51:02He pushed it back to me.

00:51:03He didn't say thank you.

00:51:04He just nodded once and kissed me.

00:51:07The conference room was full at 1.50.

00:51:09Cameras on stands, reporters in chairs.

00:51:12A long table at the front with a microphone and a pitcher of water.

00:51:14I walked in at 2 on the dot.

00:51:16I sat down.

00:51:17I poured myself a glass of water.

00:51:19I drank half of it.

00:51:20Then I started.

00:51:22I went through the Pyrenees rescue.

00:51:23In order, wind conditions, decision points, time stamps.

00:51:27The exact moment Jace had made each call.

00:51:29I played the recordings.

00:51:30I had every document.

00:51:31The original incident report.

00:51:32The medical records with the surviving climbers signed permission.

00:51:35The radio logs.

00:51:3640 minutes in, I brought up the climber from 2007.

00:51:39He was a quiet man in his 60s.

00:51:41He sat down next to me.

00:51:42He thanked Jace's father by name.

00:51:44He explained what had actually happened in that storm.

00:51:46He cried a little at the end of it.

00:51:48I closed the conference at 4.

00:51:50I walked out the side door, got in the car where Jace was waiting, and sat down.

00:51:53He had been watching the live stream on his phone.

00:51:55I could see it still open on his lap.

00:51:57Anya, all my life, all my life, I have been the one who stepped in front.

00:52:01I know.

00:52:03And just now you stepped in front of me.

00:52:06Anya, in this life, it's been you protecting me.

00:52:10It's both of us.

00:52:11We protect each other.

00:52:12By the next morning, their CEO had requested a meeting.

00:52:16By that afternoon, he was standing in the Foundation's lobby, holding a bouquet of flowers

00:52:19and a written apology.

00:52:20Jace took the meeting alone.

00:52:21I don't know what he said in that room.

00:52:23When he came out, the CEO was paler than when he'd gone in.

00:52:26He kept the apology.

00:52:27He told me later, in bed that night, that he'd accepted the apology because they would

00:52:31print it.

00:52:32He told me he had not accepted the funding.

00:52:36We don't need them.

00:52:37He kissed the top of my head and finnily went to a good sleep.

00:52:41The hospital called on a Thursday morning, six days before the wedding.

00:52:44A nurse, professional, careful with her words.

00:52:48Miss Linderstreen, I'm calling about your mother.

00:52:50Yes?

00:52:51She has taken a turn.

00:52:52The doctor doesn't think she has long.

00:52:54Days?

00:52:56Possibly.

00:52:56We thought you should know.

00:53:00I hung up.

00:53:01I sat at the kitchen counter with my hand still on the phone.

00:53:05Jace was at the Foundation that morning.

00:53:06The apartment was quiet.

00:53:08I made a fresh pot of coffee.

00:53:09I poured a cup.

00:53:10I carried it to the window seat in the living room and sat down with my feet tucked up and

00:53:14watched the city wake up.

00:53:16I didn't call Jace.

00:53:17I just sat there and I wasn't deciding whether to go, not whether to forgive her.

00:53:21Forgiveness wasn't on the table.

00:53:23It hadn't been on the table since I was 12.

00:53:24The question was simpler than that.

00:53:26How did I want this to end?

00:53:30By next morning, I knew.

00:53:31I drove myself.

00:53:32I didn't tell Jace until I was already in the car.

00:53:34He didn't stop me.

00:53:35He just said,

00:53:36Call me when you're out.

00:53:37The hospital was the kind with long, quiet corridors and the smell of clean sheets and

00:53:42lemon disinfectant.

00:53:44A nurse showed me to the room.

00:53:46My mother was small.

00:53:47That was the first thing I noticed.

00:53:48She had always been a tall woman.

00:53:50Now she was small in the bed.

00:53:51Her hair was thin and white at the roots.

00:53:53Her hands on the blanket looked like a stranger's hands.

00:53:56There were no other visitors.

00:53:57I didn't know if that was because they weren't allowed in or because there was no one to come.

00:54:01I didn't ask.

00:54:02I walked to the bed.

00:54:02I pulled up the chair and sat down.

00:54:04I didn't take her hand right away.

00:54:05I just sat there and looked at her.

00:54:07Her eyes were closed.

00:54:08Her breathing was shallow.

00:54:10The monitor beside her clicked at intervals.

00:54:12After a while, she stirred.

00:54:14Her eyes opened halfway.

00:54:16They were cloudy.

00:54:16They moved slowly across the ceiling, then the wall, then me.

00:54:19For a long second, they were empty.

00:54:22Then somewhere very far behind them, something flickered just for a second.

00:54:26Her mouth moved.

00:54:31Anya.

00:54:33Not me.

00:54:34Anya.

00:54:34The name she had taken away from me when I was 14.

00:54:37I took her hand.

00:54:38I didn't say anything.

00:54:39I held her hand for three minutes by the clock on the wall.

00:54:41I felt her pulse.

00:54:42I felt the bones in her fingers.

00:54:44I didn't tell her she was forgiven.

00:54:45I didn't tell her she wasn't.

00:54:46I didn't tell her I had a wedding next week.

00:54:48I didn't tell her about Jace.

00:54:49I didn't tell her anything.

00:54:51After three minutes, I set her hand down on the blanket gently.

00:54:54I stood up.

00:54:55She had closed her eyes again.

00:54:56I walked to the door.

00:54:57I didn't look back.

00:54:59In the corridor, the nurse asked me if I wanted to leave a number.

00:55:02Would you like to leave a number?

00:55:04No.

00:55:06I walked out into the parking lot and I called Jace from the car.

00:55:10Hi.

00:55:11Hi.

00:55:12Hi.

00:55:13I'm out.

00:55:14How are you?

00:55:15I sat with the question.

00:55:17I sat with it long enough that he knew not to ask again.

00:55:21I didn't forgive her.

00:55:23Okay.

00:55:24But I took it out of my chest, the whole thing.

00:55:26I just carried it out of the room and left it there.

00:55:28He was quiet on the other end of the line.

00:55:30Then he said very gently,

00:55:32Come home, Anya.

00:55:35She died three days later.

00:55:36I did not go to the funeral.

00:55:38I didn't tell anyone except Jace.

00:55:39He didn't ask why.

00:55:40He knew.

00:55:43The night before the wedding, the rehearsal was over.

00:55:45The dinner was over.

00:55:46The last of the foundation crew had hugged me and stumbled out laughing toward their hotel.

00:55:51Jace was going to stay with his friends for the last single night.

00:55:53He'd kissed me at the door of the cottage and stood there with his forehead against mine

00:55:58for one long beat.

00:55:59Tomorrow.

00:56:00Yeah.

00:56:02Tomorrow.

00:56:02He'd left.

00:56:03I was in the cottage by myself, just me in the dress hanging on the closet door,

00:56:07white and patient.

00:56:08There was a knock.

00:56:09I opened it.

00:56:10Jace's mother stood on the porch holding a wooden box.

00:56:13The box was old.

00:56:14The wood was dark and worn smooth at the corners.

00:56:17There was no handle.

00:56:18She held it with both hands.

00:56:20Hi, honey.

00:56:21Can I come in?

00:56:22Of course.

00:56:23She stepped inside.

00:56:24She set the box on the little table by the window.

00:56:27She didn't sit down.

00:56:28I wasn't going to give this to you tonight.

00:56:30I was going to give it to you tomorrow before the ceremony,

00:56:32but I think tonight is better.

00:56:34Okay?

00:56:35I want you to open it after I leave.

00:56:38Okay.

00:56:39She looked at me.

00:56:39Her eyes were bright, but she wasn't crying.

00:56:42Anya.

00:56:42She didn't say whatever it was she'd been about to say.

00:56:44She came across the room and hugged me hard once and kissed me on the side of my head

00:56:48and walked back to the door.

00:56:51Sleep early, baby.

00:56:55I will.

00:56:56The door clicked shut.

00:56:57I stood in the middle of the room.

00:56:58I went to the table.

00:56:59I opened the box.

00:57:00Inside, the things were not arranged.

00:57:02They were just placed.

00:57:03A pencil sketch.

00:57:04In the corner of the sketch in pencil was a date two months before my birthday that

00:57:08year.

00:57:08She had sketched it.

00:57:09Under the sketch was a paper train ticket.

00:57:11The date and the destination still legible at our first climb together that summer.

00:57:15Under the ticket was a photograph.

00:57:17Me.

00:57:18In a graduation gown from college.

00:57:20I had never seen this photo before.

00:57:22I had not known anyone took it.

00:57:23She had been in the audience that day.

00:57:25So had Jace's father.

00:57:26So had Jace.

00:57:27They had all been there.

00:57:28But I had not been looking and no one had told me they had taken pictures.

00:57:31There were three of them.

00:57:32From three different angles.

00:57:34Under the photographs was an envelope.

00:57:36My name on the front.

00:57:37In her handwriting.

00:57:37Just my name.

00:57:39Anya.

00:57:39I sat down on the floor by the table and I opened the envelope.

00:57:42A single sentence.

00:57:43Thank you for letting us be your family.

00:57:45That was all.

00:57:46I sat on the floor for a long time with the letter in my hands.

00:57:49I read the sentence three times and then I folded the paper.

00:57:52I put it back in the envelope.

00:57:53I put the envelope back in the box.

00:57:54I closed the lid.

00:57:55I stood up.

00:57:56I walked to the mirror over the dresser.

00:57:58The woman in the mirror was barefoot in pajamas with her hair down.

00:58:01But she looked young.

00:58:02She looked like a person about to do something big.

00:58:05I looked at her.

00:58:07You're getting married tomorrow.

00:58:09The woman in the mirror smiled.

00:58:11It wasn't a small smile.

00:58:12It was an enormous smile.

00:58:13The kind that goes all the way up into the eyes.

00:58:18The morning was clear and cold.

00:58:20We held it at the foot of a mountain.

00:58:21The one with the long ridge and the meadow that flooded with wildflowers in early summer.

00:58:25The setup was simple.

00:58:26White folding chairs in two short rows.

00:58:29An arch made of pine and trailing greens.

00:58:31A path of pressed grass between the chairs.

00:58:33The guests were small in number.

00:58:35A few old classmates.

00:58:36Some of the foundation crew.

00:58:37My old high school homeroom teacher.

00:58:39Two of Jace's parents' oldest climbing partners.

00:58:41That was the way I'd wanted it.

00:58:43That was the way Jace had wanted it.

00:58:44I walked the path alone.

00:58:45Jace's mother had offered.

00:58:47So had his father.

00:58:48I had thanked them both and asked to walk by myself.

00:58:50They had understood.

00:58:51I held a small bouquet.

00:58:53Wildflowers.

00:58:54White and pale yellow.

00:58:55The afternoon light was gold on the meadow.

00:58:57Jace was at the arch.

00:58:58He was wearing a navy suit.

00:58:59No tie.

00:59:00His hair was a little too long.

00:59:01He looked exactly like the 17 year old who'd handed me a wrapped box at my 14th birthday

00:59:06and scratched his head and said, I hope you like it.

00:59:08He looked at me the whole way down the path.

00:59:10He didn't try to look composed.

00:59:12His mouth was open a little.

00:59:13His eyes were wet.

00:59:14I walked toward him slowly.

00:59:15I didn't want to hurry in.

00:59:16I wanted to remember every second.

00:59:17When I got to the arch, he reached for my hand.

00:59:20He couldn't help it.

00:59:20He just reached.

00:59:21The officiant smiled and let him.

00:59:23When it came time for the vows, Jace went first.

00:59:25He cleared his throat.

00:59:26He looked at me.

00:59:27He didn't read off a paper.

00:59:28He'd memorized it.

00:59:29I could tell because of the way his hand kept moving, like it wanted to hold something.

00:59:34Aina.

00:59:34Yes.

00:59:35I have been waiting for Tay since I was 12 years old.

00:59:37Since a basketball that bounced off the head and you walked past me in the doorway with your

00:59:39arms full of books.

00:59:40A small laugh from the crowd.

00:59:42He didn't break eye contact.

00:59:44I have been waiting for today across more lifetimes than you know about.

00:59:47He took a breath.

00:59:47And through every one of them, the answer has been the same.

00:59:50It's you.

00:59:51It's only you.

00:59:51It will always be you.

00:59:53Thank you, Jace.

00:59:54Thank you for loving me when I didn't yet know how to love myself.

00:59:57He pressed his lips together hard.

00:59:58After the officiant said the words, he slid the ring onto my finger.

01:00:02In that exact moment, the light shifted.

01:00:04The sun was tipping behind the ridge.

01:00:06The peak of the mountain caught it.

01:00:07A long flash of gold spilled down the rock face.

01:00:10Soft and warm.

01:00:11The color of an old lamp burning in a quiet shop.

01:00:13I felt it on the side of my face and I froze for half a second.

01:00:16I had seen that color before.

01:00:18A pawn shop, a counter, a man with pale gray eyes holding a contract.

01:00:21I knew the moment I felt the warmth on my cheek what it was.

01:00:24It was the sun.

01:00:25It was only the sun.

01:00:26But I let myself believe just for that second that someone, somewhere, was watching.

01:00:29That a wager that had been placed on me a long time ago had finally been won.

01:00:33That a man behind a counter had stopped polishing an empty jar and looked up.

01:00:37I looked at Jace.

01:00:38I smiled.

01:00:38I looked down at the ring on my finger.

01:00:40I let it be a goodbye.

01:00:41When I looked up again, the light had moved on.

01:00:43It was just a sunset.

01:00:44Just a meadow.

01:00:45Just my husband.

01:00:46He was watching my face.

01:00:48You okay?

01:00:49Yes, me.

01:00:50He kissed me.

01:00:51Behind us, the guests stood up and clapped and somebody whooped and Jace's mother was

01:00:56crying to Jace's father's shoulder and the whole meadow was full of clapping and laughing

01:01:00and somebody yelled,

01:01:01Kiss her again!

01:01:02He kissed me again.

01:01:03I held his face with both hands and I kissed him back.

01:01:05The mountain stood behind us, old and steady, and the sun finished going down.

01:01:11Ten years passed and it went the way good years go, which is fast.

01:01:14The foundation grew into something we hadn't dared imagine when we started it.

01:01:17International, respected, quietly the standard in our field for how rescues were taught and

01:01:21run.

01:01:22We trained kids who would have died in mountains once and who now came back down and trained

01:01:26the next ones.

01:01:26Jace's parents climbed for another seven years before they retired.

01:01:30They didn't retire so much as they slowed down.

01:01:33They wrote a book about it.

01:01:34The book was good.

01:01:35People read it.

01:01:36They are now the kind of figures whose names you say in a certain tone.

01:01:39We had a daughter.

01:01:40We took three months naming her.

01:01:41We made lists.

01:01:42We argued.

01:01:42We wrote names on the fridge and crossed them out.

01:01:45The night before her birth, I still didn't know.

01:01:47She came out small and loud and furious.

01:01:49Jace held her in the hospital and looked at me over her head.

01:01:51Hope.

01:01:52Yeah?

01:01:53Yes.

01:01:53That was how she got her name.

01:01:55She is nine now.

01:01:56She has Jace's mouth and my eyes and a temper neither of us can account for.

01:02:00It's a Sunday, late afternoon.

01:02:02The light coming in through the big living room window is the color it always is at this

01:02:05time of year.

01:02:06I'm in the window seat with a book.

01:02:08Not reading it, just holding it.

01:02:09Hope is on the rug.

01:02:10She's drawing something with markers.

01:02:11She's been drawing the same thing for an hour.

01:02:14The kettle clicks off in the kitchen.

01:02:15Jace comes around the corner with two mugs.

01:02:17He sets one down on the little table beside me and he sees something on my face.

01:02:21What are you thinking about?

01:02:22I look at him.

01:02:23I think about everything.

01:02:24About a stairwell when I was 12.

01:02:25About a hallway when I was 13.

01:02:27About a hospital room when I was 22.

01:02:29About a counter in a warm amber light.

01:02:31About a boy who traded everything he had for me to learn one small impossible thing.

01:02:34Nothing.

01:02:35Just that.

01:02:36It's a good thing to be alive.

01:02:37He bends down.

01:02:38He kisses me on the forehead.

01:02:40He goes and sits on the rug next to our daughter.

01:02:42What it's drawing.

01:02:43It's a mountain.

01:02:44I lift the mug.

01:02:45I take a sip.

01:02:46The light through the window is gold and warm and the afternoon goes on.

01:02:49He finds a lie.

01:02:49He kisses me.

01:02:50I take a sip.

01:02:50He kisses me.

01:02:52I'm going.

Category

Transcript

Comments

Recommended