- 2 days ago
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00:00We all worry about looking after our loved ones as they get older, but at Querik Medical,
00:05we've developed a diverse range of compassionate, reliable and attentive care support humanoid
00:10workers to offer round-the-clock home care at an affordable monthly subscription.
00:15Each robot is unique whilst meeting British robot safety standards,
00:19and if your loved one would feel more comfortable with a familiar face,
00:23we have a variety of robots who look identical to beloved personalities.
00:29Haven Comfort, for companionship, independence, and peace of mind.
00:33Temptions of life, do not take responsibility if you're in one attack or do second you.
00:37Ah, I'm sorry darling, take your dirty foot off the bed.
00:40Your fortunate is just a sprained wrist cause I fall at your age.
00:44Didn't fall. I fainted. I've had low blood pressure faints the whole of my life.
00:49Well, you're lucky like Plucky, you never smashed your head on the corner of the coffee table.
00:54Or land teeth for us on the iron doorstep. Or fall down the marble staircase.
00:59What, the marble staircase in my two-bed terrace?
01:02The home environment can be little at your age, you know.
01:05Hey, don't joke with it. Now, in terms of recovery, you're going to need help.
01:10You live with anybody?
01:11Yeah, I live with my son Michael and he should be here any minute.
01:15Is it? Well, it's taken a long time.
01:19Look, love, does Michael really exist?
01:22Mum.
01:23Oh, Michael, where the hell have you been?
01:25Um, how did you fall?
01:28I fainted. And apparently I'm very lucky I didn't fall in a fire or a hornet's nest.
01:33You can pick up our pain relief prescription at the reception.
01:36Look what I have for you.
01:41If she's going home, I'm going home.
01:44Mr. Thomas, we cannot send you home upon your horn.
01:47And if you weren't going to assist it...
01:49I don't belong in a care home. I mean, look at me. I can lift the bed.
01:55Oh, what a backside. Lyle!
01:59Here we are. All right. Oh, I've just got to take this.
02:08You go through to the kitchen. It's just about the, um, the broadband, the, um, the gigabyte,
02:14the, um, the transponder. Lovely.
02:17Hello, babe. Yes, I'm home.
02:23No, no, I haven't told her yet. She's just had a fall.
02:26I'm not, I'm not delaying it. It's just, it's just a difficult conversation to have.
02:34That's hurtful. I'm not a nappy-wearing breastfed emperor baby.
02:45Mum. I don't like to pester. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry.
02:50I just haven't had time to plant it. I got it. I know, I know.
02:54August 16th. Yeah. It doesn't seem like two years, does it?
03:00It's still... everywhere.
03:03It's called a David Rose. That's why I chose it.
03:06I will get round to it. I promise.
03:11I want you to know that I know how lucky I am that you're here.
03:16Going through this alone would just be awful.
03:27Okay, um, so, um, I was late picking you up because I was with, um...
03:38Renee. I was with Renee.
03:42She's changed. She's getting therapy.
03:45She's getting therapy because she cheated on you with her karate instructor.
03:52Yes. She's making real inroads with that.
03:56And it's BJJ. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
03:59Well, as long as you don't do anything stupid. Like, move back in with her.
04:07Oh, you back!
04:09I still love her, Mum.
04:10How can you be sure she isn't still cheating on you with her karate instructor?
04:14She told me.
04:16And... and...
04:17It's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. It's a...
04:20It's a lot more lethal than karate.
04:23I'm 42. I'm... I'm not meant to be with my mum on a Saturday night watching Michael McIntyre.
04:31You were cackling at Michael McIntyre's jokes about buffets. Cackling.
04:35I'm sorry. I didn't realise you were having such a bad time.
04:39Mum, look, I can't just leave my wife and look after you the way you looked after Dad.
04:46That is very different.
04:48Your dad was very, very sick.
04:53And I don't need looking after.
04:57Well, I'm... I'm sorry.
04:59I just have to start building my own life and... and stop being a...
05:05nappy-wearing, breastfed emperor baby.
05:10Are you going to eat that?
05:12No.
05:19It's got bits of plate in it.
05:22No.
05:24Could you please make me another one mum?
05:39Sue!
05:40Sue!
05:40Oh, shit.
05:42Sue!
05:44Sue!
05:45Hello, Phyllis.
05:46Oh, dear.
05:48I heard about your fall.
05:49Oh, it wasn't a fall.
05:51I've fainted.
05:52I've had low blood pressure all my life.
05:54Oh, look at you.
05:54You can't even carry your tray.
05:56Let me help you.
05:57No, I don't need help.
05:59You're injured.
06:00There we go.
06:02Oh, it is lucky Michael lives with you and can help.
06:06Otherwise, you would be all alone.
06:07Yes, he's a real godsend.
06:09Because you don't have any grandkids, do you?
06:13At least you get to spoil your one and only child.
06:16Trudy, I ordered your toastie on wholemeal bread.
06:19For your bowel health.
06:23Imagine needing one of those ghastly things.
06:26I've heard stories that would curl your toes,
06:30turning on their owners, spying on them,
06:33and some people are doing things with their robots
06:37that they really should not be doing.
06:42Yes.
06:44We are so lucky.
06:47I mean, I have my daughters, all my grandchildren,
06:51and Jeffrey, and you have Michael.
06:55Oh, my God.
06:57What?
06:57That woman over there has just grabbed her robot's penis.
07:02Oh!
07:03Really?
07:21Do you want some lunch before you go?
07:24Er, no, no. I've eaten. Thanks.
07:25You know, Michael, if you were in a good relationship,
07:28I'd be very happy for you.
07:31What's that on your neck?
07:33Hmm?
07:33It's a rash.
07:35Oh, no, no. It's nothing.
07:37Apparently, it's a totally normal side effect.
07:39Of what?
07:41Oh, I did some clinical trials.
07:43It's only five days.
07:45Really good money, though.
07:46Sounds dangerous.
07:47Mum, if it was dangerous,
07:48do you really think the drug companies would do it?
07:52Oh.
07:53Now, the whole reason I did it was because, um,
07:56I wanted to buy you a present.
07:57Now, I want you to be safe,
07:59and if you fall again, I'm not gonna be here.
08:02So...
08:04No!
08:05You got me a robot.
08:06I thought you were a robot.
08:06Hey!
08:07You're Michael Bourbon?
08:08Take it away, please.
08:09I don't want it.
08:10She does want it.
08:11Bring it in.
08:12Mum, I've already paid the deposit.
08:18Oh!
08:28Ooh!
08:30It's...
08:30Fragile.
08:35Okay.
08:36Oh!
08:38Christ!
08:43Okay.
08:47I've forgotten how heavy these models are.
08:50Oh, okay.
08:51Let me help.
08:54That's...
08:55enormously helpful.
08:57Welcome to your Android Z58 forward slash 100 basic care model.
09:02She's very easy to operate.
09:04Uh, does have a few dings and scuffs.
09:06After all, she is...
09:07pretty loved.
09:08Pretty loved?
09:09Secondhand.
09:10Yep.
09:11A little more than second, but hey, that's why she's such a bargain.
09:15This was a very popular model back in the day, in spite of some...
09:18some pretty catastrophic teething errors.
09:20Problems that have all been resolved?
09:25Yes.
09:27Okay, so you've got a 24 month contract.
09:31Uh, your 48 hour trial period begins when you switch her on.
09:35You absolutely cannot have sex with this model.
09:39Sure.
09:39Finally, I'm just going to need a signature at the bottom.
09:44Okay, lovely.
09:45And can I please also just get a photo?
09:48Yeah.
09:49Yeah.
09:49Mum, mum.
09:50Oh, no, it's not...
09:51It's not a fa...
09:52Okay.
09:53Oh.
09:54Lovely.
09:56Great.
09:56Uh, well, enjoy.
09:58Uh, if you have any problems, uh, issues, there's a number on the back.
10:03Uh, the call centre is open 1 till 2pm on Saturday.
10:08That's the third Saturday of every month.
10:10Have a lovely time. Enjoy.
10:15So if you need someone to talk to, uh, or she can help with shopping, cleaning...
10:21Why couldn't I just have a carer?
10:23A human?
10:24They cost a fortune.
10:26And, and...
10:27What if you fall on their day off?
10:29This is 24-7.
10:30Phyllis said they spy on you.
10:32What happens if they drain my account?
10:36Who?
10:36I don't know!
10:38Mum, this means that you can stay in your home.
10:43I don't want it.
10:44Look, how are you gonna manage? You don't even drive anymore.
10:48Oh, sorry.
10:52Hi, babe.
10:53Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just leaving now.
10:56Yeah, it's arrived.
10:59She loves it. She's so happy.
11:03Uh, what's it look like?
11:06Uh...
11:09It's just a woman with enormous dead eyes.
11:12No, it's not better looking than you.
11:15You're the most beautiful woman in the wo...
11:19Hello?
11:20Babe?
11:24Just give it a go, Mum.
11:3048 hours.
11:32Bye, Mum!
11:56Oh, Jesus Christ!
12:02Stupid...
12:03Stupid...
12:04Riff!
12:14Oh, I can't do this!
12:17Oh!
12:22Oh!
12:23Oh, hi, Eileen.
12:25How do you feel?
12:26Haven't seen Phyllis this excited since Deidre Taylor got a kidney cyst.
12:31I... I fainted.
12:33You've always had low blood pressure.
12:35Thank you!
12:35Who?
12:36Sally died.
12:37Sally Harris?
12:38Nah.
12:39Sally Whittle.
12:40Oh.
12:40Sally Harris is dying.
12:42Sally Whittle is dead.
12:44Oh.
12:45Do you fancy a cuppa?
12:47Nah.
12:48I'm really busy.
12:49Of course I've got time.
12:51I'll make you one and all my friends are dead.
12:53I'm never going to plant this rose.
12:56Ah, just leave here.
12:58Good job you've got, Michael.
13:00Oh, he's moved out.
13:03Back to the come, Boosla.
13:05Yeah.
13:07Oh.
13:08Balls to this.
13:10Probably for the best.
13:12Bit old to be at home with Mummy.
13:14Bit Norman Bates.
13:16I guess so.
13:19I just feel...
13:21alone.
13:22I've been alone all my life.
13:23It's not that bad.
13:25Unless you die in a heatwave.
13:27Like my Uncle Nelson.
13:28He was so bloated by the time they found him.
13:31He'd trebled in size.
13:32And he was no swimsuit model to start with.
13:34Who was this?
13:36Oh.
13:36Michael got it for me.
13:38Because he felt guilty about leaving.
13:40Oh.
13:42Let's switch it on.
13:43No, no, no.
13:44Don't.
13:45Alan, I'm sending it back.
13:46You still send it back?
13:48Come on, aren't you curious?
13:50Are you?
13:50No, I'm not, actually.
13:52Oh.
13:53I'm Dean.
14:01Thomas has got a button at the back of the head.
14:08Hello.
14:10Hello.
14:11Buongiorno.
14:13Konnichiwa.
14:14Guten tag.
14:16Hello.
14:17You have chosen...
14:19English.
14:20Now tell me your name by saying it into my face holes.
14:23I can't do the sign.
14:26Sue, Sue, Sue.
14:28Nice to meet you.
14:30Sue, Sue, Sue.
14:32My name is Android.
14:33I'm a Z58 forward slash 100 robot carer.
14:37But you can name me something more memorable.
14:39Please say the name you'd prefer.
14:43Linda?
14:44Hi.
14:45Sue, Sue, Sue.
14:46Hello.
14:47My name is now Linda.
14:50My sister's name.
14:52Oh, that's lovely.
14:53I hate my sister.
14:55Oh.
14:58What's it doing?
14:59What is it doing?
15:00What is it doing?
15:02I don't know.
15:03Oh, my God.
15:05What is it doing?
15:06I'm just putting lasers in my eyes.
15:09Imprinting.
15:10Imprinting.
15:11Imprinting.
15:12Imprinting.
15:13Imprinting.
15:14Imprinting.
15:15Oh.
15:15Retina scan complete.
15:17I have uploaded your full medical profile.
15:20I thought it had turned on you and was trying to set fire to your brain.
15:24Right.
15:25Let's get back to the shop.
15:27Don't.
15:28Don't.
15:28Don't leave me alone with it.
15:30I can't stay here and play with your robot.
15:33Gotta get back to work.
15:35Text me if it starts attacking you.
15:47I just don't want to be on my own with it.
15:50It's creepy.
15:52I mean, look at it.
15:53What is that?
15:54Yeah.
15:55Oh.
15:56I found it in donations.
15:58What do you think?
15:59I see you alright.
16:00Can't talk to you with that on your head.
16:01Tom.
16:02You look like an idiot.
16:04Hmm.
16:04Sue's just got a robot.
16:05She's terrified of it.
16:07Oh, wow.
16:08I had no idea that androids were still being used.
16:13I thought we'd be forced to decommission them.
16:16Roxy, would you like to speak to a vintage robot?
16:20Eh?
16:21I sure would.
16:22Yeah, folks.
16:23Go on.
16:27Hi.
16:28I am Roxy.
16:30I help Tom.
16:32Hello.
16:33I am Linda.
16:34I help Sue, Sue, Sue.
16:36It is nice to meet you, Linda.
16:39It is nice to meet you, Roxy.
16:42I like your top.
16:43Thank you, Linda.
16:45It belongs to Tom's wife.
16:47She is dead.
16:48It comforts him to see me wearing her clothes.
16:52Perhaps I will see you again for incidental social interactions.
16:57I would enjoy that.
16:59But I am being sent back.
17:02Sue, Sue, Sue thinks I am going to kill her.
17:07Are you going to kill her, Linda?
17:10Yes.
17:11I am also going to kill Tom.
17:13I am joking.
17:14I am also joking.
17:16She won't hurt you.
17:17I am sure they have sorted all that out.
17:20I find Roxy enormously helpful.
17:23Oh.
17:24I can't imagine life without you, eh?
17:26You are going to have to go home at some point, Sue.
17:28I am closing in ten minutes.
17:30Tell Linda to stay in her own room if you feel uncomfortable.
17:34Fine.
17:36Come on, Linda.
17:38We are going.
17:43I am not buying that.
17:45Heated monoslippers improve circulation.
17:47Increased blood flow repairs ligament bone and tissue damage.
17:51All right, then.
17:54I am not buying the sunglasses.
17:59Okay.
18:00That will be eighty quid.
18:01How much?
18:02All right.
18:03Three.
18:04I don't know the value of nothing in this shop.
18:17Danger!
18:18Danger!
18:19Danger!
18:20Danger!
18:20Danger!
18:21Stop it!
18:22Stop it!
18:23You are supposed to stay in Michael's room.
18:25Falling asleep in the bath can be lethal.
18:28Iconic songstress Whitney Houston tragically passed away.
18:32For God's sake, I am naked!
18:33Yes.
18:34I can see most of your right breast.
18:36And the top of your mom's pubis.
18:38Your naked body is not a problem for me.
18:41But it's a problem for me.
18:42Nobody's seen me naked since then.
18:45Here is clothing for your nakedness.
18:47Don't!
18:48Don't!
18:48Discuss me!
18:49Don't!
18:50Get it wet!
18:52You seem angry.
18:53I will lighten the mood with humour.
18:56Why did the donut go to the dentist?
18:58Just piss off, Linda!
19:00Where would you like me to piss off to?
19:02Piss off?
19:03To the room I told you to stay in.
19:05Only stay there!
19:07I just want a quiet evening alone watching the TV.
19:18The donut went to the dentist because it needed a filling.
19:22Piss off!
19:28This week's task is all about using your lobe.
19:30And I know I've got the perfect recipe to impress all sugar.
19:34I'm going to be his next business partner, trust me.
19:37I made my first business partner to the club.
19:39And I'm going to make my third thing before I didn't believe.
19:43Oh!
19:54Oh God!
19:56What happened?
19:58You tripped and hit your head.
20:00I assessed you as CONCAST with ligament damage in the neck.
20:09Last thing I remember is nodding off to a task in a bakery.
20:15Yes.
20:15Lord Sugar said the failure of the task lay with Kevin.
20:19Kevin?
20:19Oh!
20:20He was a bully.
20:21Kevin said it was a big mistake and wished them the best of luck.
20:26But he did not sound sincere.
20:29I tripped?
20:30Yes.
20:31On the heated mono-slipper I told you to buy.
20:33Oh!
20:34Mrs. Bevin!
20:35Another fall!
20:36Ah!
20:37I didn't fall.
20:38I tripped.
20:40Over a heated mono-slipper that this idiot insisted I get.
20:45Well I'm sending her back.
20:47I wouldn't do that.
20:48You can't keep me here!
20:50I have a son.
20:51I don't live alone.
20:53Now I know that's not true.
20:55Because Linda explained everything about your situation when you arrived.
20:59You stupid twat.
21:01Mrs. Bevin!
21:02This stupid twat is the reason I'm discharging you.
21:06Oh.
21:07Sorry to Linda.
21:08Thank you very much.
21:10Stupid twat.
21:11Now I download all your home care information from Linda.
21:16So you can go home.
21:17She's doing a great job.
21:20Mm-hmm.
21:37Oh.
21:54No, mine's the green one.
21:56The purple one is Michael's.
21:58No, it was Dave's.
21:59Would you like me to throw it away to clear space?
22:02No!
22:02No!
22:02Don't touch anything!
22:06By scanning your retina I have measured your dopamine and endorphin levels.
22:10You are sad.
22:13Music might improve your mood.
22:18Hello?
22:23Mum, Mum, are you okay?
22:24I just saw you missed calls.
22:26I tripped.
22:27Another fool.
22:28No, I tripped.
22:30It's that idiot robot's fault.
22:32She insisted on getting me a mono-slipper.
22:35Tell him.
22:36The mono-slipper was my idea.
22:37What's the mono-slipper?
22:39Designed to cradle the feet in pure bliss.
22:41The mono-slipper boasts a luxurious fleece fabric that feels irresistibly soft and cosy.
22:46It does sound soft and cosy.
22:48She put me in hospital with ligament damage.
22:51And a mild concussion.
22:53It just sounds like an accident.
22:55It's a good job that you weren't alone.
22:57Mum, please consider keeping her.
23:00What?
23:01Can't anybody understand what...
23:09I miss him.
23:17I miss him every day.
23:25Okay, okay, okay.
23:27I'll book it for tomorrow.
23:30Okay.
23:33Well, see you soon.
23:35Yeah, sure.
23:36Okay, bye, Mum.
23:48Would you like to talk?
23:50Talking improves mental health.
23:53You're a robot.
23:55Yes, I am a robot.
23:58It just seems like everything in my life has been taken away.
24:07Dave's gone.
24:10Michael's left.
24:13I've no grandkids.
24:17Soon I'll lose my independence and then...
24:21I'll probably lose my marbles.
24:24I can help you find your marbles.
24:32I don't know how I'm going to do this last bit alone.
24:42But whatever life I've got left, I do not wish to spend it with a robot.
24:53I know you don't understand.
24:56Nobody does.
25:03I am fired like Kevin.
25:08Thank you for this opportunity.
25:10And I wish you the best of luck.
25:13Unlike Kevin, I am sincere.
25:32You sound like you are struggling.
25:35Is your head stuck inside a pullover?
25:37No, I can manage on my own.
25:39Do not be embarrassed. Sue, Sue, Sue.
25:42I've already seen your mum's pubis.
25:45Oh, just leave me alone, Linda.
25:52Oh, that's good.
25:54Oh!
25:56Oh!
25:58Oh!
25:59Oh!
25:59Oh!
26:01Oh!
26:01Oh!
26:02Oh!
26:03Oh!
26:04Oh!
26:04Oh!
26:04Oh!
26:05Oh!
26:06Oh!
26:07Oh!
26:08Oh!
26:11Oh!
26:22Start search
26:23How to stop feeling sad about a dead husband
26:26Looking from the window above
26:30It's like a story of life
26:32Me, start search
26:33Why are humans sad when their life ends?
26:36Came back only yesterday
26:38I'm moving farther away
26:41Once you're near me
26:45All I need is what I'm looking at
26:47Restart search
26:48What is the meaning of a human life?
26:51All I needed for another day
26:54And all I ever knew
26:57Only you
27:10Linda?
27:23Linda?
27:24It's time!
27:54Hello
27:55You had a massive dopamine spike when you saw them in the freezer
27:58Oh, this one's a real chatterbox
27:59I hope you find happiness
28:01Sue, Sue, Sue!
28:02You don't have any wet wipes, do you?
28:04It's got dirt all over its hands
28:09You've planted my rose
28:11You missed David
28:13And David is dead
28:14That is it David rolls to honor dead David, the owner of the purple robe
28:19That's right
28:21I understand
28:22Sue, Sue, Sue!
28:24It was not a robot you were to be sharing the rest of your life with
28:27It was dead David
28:33Linda, step out of the box
28:37I want you to stay
28:41I've changed my mind
28:42Yeah, I know
28:43I've been listening
28:43In that case, I'll just need your signature
28:46Lovely
28:47And, er, how can I just get a photo?
28:51Er, got it
28:54Let's go
28:58Thank you
28:58Thank you
29:00Did you know Toad in the Hole is not made from toads?
29:04I did
29:04Music
29:10Music
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