- 5 weeks ago
Discover a list of eight video games that, for various reasons, failed to impress or leave a lasting impact, feeling more like a brief message than a full experience.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Dante, Dante's? Hello, Dante! How's it going with the bumpy?
00:06Hello there, you little demons. Jules here for WhatCulture.com, back again with another episode
00:10of the awesomely named and awfully hosted Choose Your Own Adventure, the weekly medieval-themed
00:15format where I, the crowned Jules of WhatCulture.com, take a list chosen by you. Yes, you, the person
00:21who is, you know what, I'm just going to say it out here, and I think it's a very controversial
00:25statement here. You know what? It might get me banned of all platforms, but you know what?
00:28Big up to the nans. You know what I'm saying? I'm just saying, nans are great, and unfortunately
00:34mine isn't very well at the moment, so I just want to take this opportunity to say big up
00:38to all the nans, the grannies, the nannas, the, what are they called in Welsh? I know
00:43that bampi is what you call grandad. Nansy? Nampi? I don't know what it is. Whatever you
00:50call your grandma, just give her some love, and the granddads as well. Let's chuck them
00:54into the pile as well. For nothing else other than just to share the love. Yes, you get to
00:58decide what list I dole out to you each and every week, and this week we have none other
01:02to thank Dan. EJ Wyatt for their amazing and quite comical suggestion of video games that
01:11kind of should have just been an email. Now, there probably isn't a person among us who
01:15hasn't played at least one video game and then thought to themselves, well, that was definitely
01:20a game. I mean, for one of many, many reasons, a game might leave you just feeling utter indifference.
01:25Maybe the experience just failed to move you in any way or stoke any strong feelings. It
01:29just left you feeling, eh, eh. It was a game, that existed, and you probably stopped thinking
01:34about it the moment that you switched it off. And that's exactly what we're going to
01:37be talking about today. Eight video games that basically could have been an email.
01:42Devil May Cry 2. Now, impressively, even more polarizing than 2013's Devil May Cry reboot,
01:47Devil May Cry 2 is one of the most bafflingly undercooked sequels, and say it with me, kids.
01:52Actually, I can't be bothered, it's just not filling me with any joy here. It's a
01:56bewilderingly naff rush job that Capcom just plotted out less than 18 months after the
02:01acclaimed original. It put basically every foot wrong. The combat was intensely casualised
02:06to the point of tedium, Dante's edgy personality was cleaved away in favour of generic stoicism,
02:12and the repetitive level design was an absolute snoozer throughout. Combine all of this with a brief
02:19five-hour playtime, and how blatantly the storytelling was nothing but filler, and it's
02:24little surprise that even ride-or-die DMC fans often recommend newcomers to just, uh,
02:29kind of skip this one, and instead jump into the brilliant third game instead.
02:33Devil May Cry 2 did the one thing that nobody expected. It made a character action franchise
02:39boring. Super Meat Boy Forever.
02:41Now, it's fair to say that by 2020, fans of the all-timer platformer Super Meat Boy were beyond
02:48jonesing for a sequel. But man, what a weird letdown it ended up being. The chief complaint
02:54about Super Meat Boy Forever is that Team Meat made it an auto-runner, meaning that players no
02:59longer had control of Meat Boy's movements beyond, well, jumping and moving that way.
03:05Further polarising was the decision to have the levels be procedurally generated depending on the
03:10player's skill level. A nice idea on paper, but ensured that the sequel lapped the tightness
03:15and exactitude of its predecessor. Ultimately, Super Meat Boy Forever came and went in a flash,
03:21because while it's actually a rather good example of an auto-runner, it's consequently a terrible
03:26Super Meat Boy game. And not exactly what anyone who loved the original wanted for a sequel.
03:32Team Meat originally designed the game as a mobile-only spin-off before then pivoting it
03:37into a direct sequel. And, uh, boy, does it show. The fact that very few people talk about this game
03:44today, except to, uh, dunk on it, of course, in lists like this, kind of says it all.
03:49But speaking of big meaty things here, have you actually considered subscribing to WhatCultureGaming?
03:53I mean, if you enjoyed this type of content, then why not just click that button and get that
03:57notification bell rung as well, because then you'll be able to stay up to date with all of our daily
04:02gaming
04:02content goodness, my friend. And that, whew, that's a spicy meatball right there. But now onto something
04:08that's a little less spicy meatball and more rotten hunk of meat, because, uh, talking about Resident
04:13Evil 3 Remake. Now, after the enormous success of Capcom's Resident Evil 2 Remake, fans naturally
04:19expected the same level of care and attention for the remake of Resident Evil 3 Nemesis. In fact,
04:25if I remember correctly, I think that Sai might be a slight fan of Resident Evil in general. Maybe
04:33I've got that confused, though. There hasn't been any sort of indication that she's actually into
04:37that franchise. Maybe I'm just going out on a whim here. However, I will throw the camera to her right
04:41now to say whether she does enjoy the Resident Evil franchise and what she thought of Resident Evil
04:463. Uh, but here's the caveat, by the way, Sai. You have five words to do so. Enjoy. Or you
04:51could do it
04:51in a haiku. I'll accept either. I'll accept either. Not a great remake. Underrated action game?
05:04Carlos is hot. Damn. I couldn't have said it better myself. But I'll try, because I have a script in
05:12front of me. Now, Resident Evil 3 offered up solid visuals, don't get me wrong, and it was, uh, pretty
05:16cool, some rollercoaster-style thrills, but it was also very superficial and clearly kicked out for a
05:21quick buck. For one, large sections of the original game are missing entirely. The branching choices
05:27are gone. Boss encounters and puzzles have been streamlined, whatever that means, and Nemesis
05:33himself has a far more subdued presence overall. I loved it when he was big bin bag, man. I thought
05:39that was great. And then it was like, what are you, uh, mutant dog right now? What's this dog doing
05:44over
05:44here? Hey, somebody let the blugs out. And then I was just like, oh, the game's over.
05:50Cool. Cool. Sick. Resident Evil 2's remake was a perfect example of how to reinterpret a classic
05:57for a new generation while not being 100% faithful. But the new Resident Evil 3 just felt like Capcom
06:03really couldn't be bothered to do it full justice. And it's a shame. There are great elements in this
06:09game. It's just, we needed longer and more fleshed out experiences and a damn sight more Nemesis. I
06:15shouldn't even have to say that in the f***ing title. Star Fox Zero. Now, considering that Star Fox
06:21Zero was the first mainline Star Fox game in a full decade, fans quite understandably expected it to
06:27take full advantage of the Wii U's hardware. The Wii U's hardware. Sorry, I know that it sounds like a
06:34silly thing to say. It's not exactly the most powerful thing in the world. I'm pretty sure that most
06:37calculators nowadays could outperform it. But still, people expected a great deal.
06:41What people didn't expect was Nintendo to stubbornly shoehorn motion controls into this game,
06:47and it became a massive sticking point with critics and players alike on launch. Being forced to use
06:52motion controls, which were just uncomfortable and unintuitive, meant that the game felt like a
06:59chore to play from minute one. Beyond that, the story was a dull retread of earlier Star Fox games,
07:05ensuring that this felt like a spectacularly unenthusiastic, half-hearted attempt to bring
07:10the IP back to the mainstream. Here's a thing. If you've got a long-dormant franchise like this,
07:15right, and you want to bring it back in to the public viewpoint, try? Just try? The vocal complaints
07:23about the controls alone were seemingly enough to sync Star Fox Zero commercially, as it ultimately
07:27ended up selling less than half a million copies. Albeit, this was also a result of the Wii U's pretty
07:32stagnant sales at the time. The basic act of playing this game is such an awkward pain in
07:37the arse that opening an email instead is genuinely preferable.
07:42Call of Duty Mon Warfare 3. Now, the Call of Duty franchise has pretty consistently delivered the
07:48meat and potatoes goods. It's like, all right, Gouverne, how's it going? You want some slop? Here's
07:54some slop. Enjoy your slop. Welcome to the slop factory. Imagine if all of the adverts for Call of
08:02Duty going forward were just that. They were just straight up about it. Hey, gamers, have you
08:07enjoyed last year's slop? All it is more. Have you enjoyed being shot from nowhere, not understanding
08:13where you've been shot from, and having a lifespan of about 15 seconds? Slop. Slop it on. Call of
08:20Duty Black Slops. Anyway, back on track. 2023's Modern Warfare 3 was just a tepid stew. It just missed
08:29so much of the good stuff. Now, it's little secret that the game was originally developed by
08:33Sledgehammer Games as a DLC for Modern Warfare 2 before Activision changed it into a full-fat
08:38retail release mid-production, and, eh boy, does it show, because it likely explains both why Modern
08:44Warfare 3 released with a cobbled-together excuse for a campaign, and the multiplayer suite launched
08:49with no brand new maps at all. Just remastered ones from 2009's Modern Warfare 2. Though the
08:55multiplayer at least delivered a basically fun time, it was painfully, embarrassingly clear
09:00that this product was never intended to plug the gap in the franchise's annual pipeline. Activision
09:06made it happen because they just knew it would sell anyway, even if the negativity surrounding
09:12the release is likely what prompted it to sell less than Modern Warfare 2. All in all, it's a rare
09:17Call of Duty game that even some loyal fans decided to skip because it showed so little basic respect
09:23for them and their wallets. The Order 1886. Now, to be completely fair to Ready at Dawn's
09:29alt-history steampunk action-adventure game, The Order 1886, it would have made for a really,
09:35really pretty email. It would have had all of the sort of clip art that you could have forcibly
09:40put into that. You would have opened it and just been like, wow, that's a nice email.
09:46Gee wheres. Big Pidge, come and have a look at this email. Look at, wow. Just, just, whee.
09:55Zoom. You know what I'm saying? I'm getting Batman big expletives coming up here. Bazoong.
10:02Yeah, I probably shouldn't have called you out of that meeting. That was, that was actually,
10:05wasn't very respectful of your time. I apologise. He's got a new corporate job. Doesn't pay the
10:12bills, you know. You've got to keep us with a roof over our heads, you know what I'm saying?
10:16Now, the marketing for The Order focused on its undeniably jaw-dropping visual presentation,
10:22with Sony hyping it up as one of their big AAA IPs, the potential of which, well, really spoke
10:27for itself. But the rug was firmly pulled once the game launched, and critics and players alike
10:31expressed their thunderous indifference. Yeah, it was a game that, despite its technical innovations,
10:39was otherwise just a bog-standard third-person shooter with nothing even remotely mechanically
10:45interesting to offer. Even worse than that, though, neither the characters nor the story
10:49made much of a dent, wholly unaided by its brutally short five-hour length, ensuring that players
10:54were afforded little time to immerse themselves in this game's superficially rich world before
10:59it was all over. Though some scattered enthusiasm for The Order definitely remains, it evaporated
11:05from mainstream gaming culture in the blink of an eye, likely because it felt less like the start
11:09of a franchise and more like a proof of concept. Shenmue 3. Now, fans were overjoyed when Shenmue 3,
11:19I'm trying to emulate that guy who goes, eats all the peppers around on TikTok and Instagram,
11:25where he's still like, it's some chili oil, I'm gonna get these peppers in the chili oil. If you've
11:30not seen it, it's just some old dude who just goes around eating really hot peppers and showing no,
11:35like, reaction whatsoever. It blows my mind that somebody's just there like, oh, I'm gonna take this
11:41habanera and dunk it in some chili oil, and then just do that. And he does that all the time.
11:46It's funny what soothes the brain on the reels, isn't it? And that's mine. That's me sharing,
11:53by the way. Please share your weird things. Not the super weird stuff. Let's keep that to ourselves.
11:59Share the slightly alt things that you watch on reels. I just want to know. I just want to know
12:03if... But give me the description. Don't link me. Just give me the description. Again, the five-word
12:08challenge that I gave to Si earlier. Give me that. I want to see that in the comment section below.
12:12Your weird reel pulls. Five words. Chili oil! So yeah, as I was saying, fans were overjoyed when
12:19Shenmue was finally confirmed at E3 2015. But when the long-awaited sequel released in 2019,
12:24almost a full 20 years after the second game, it was pretty tough to mask the disappointment.
12:29I mean, sure, there were those diehards that simply were just happy to see it return in any form. But
12:34if we're being honest with ourselves, Shenmue 3, I'm not gonna do it all the time, is one of the
12:38the most audacious squanderings of a belated sequel in gaming history. Rather than appreciate
12:43Shenmue 3's existence was basically miraculous and just press on with progressing Ryo's quest
12:48to avenge his murdered father, creator Yu Suzuki decided to make the threequel a glorified filler
12:54entry where almost nothing of consequence happened. One could forgive, perhaps maybe even embrace,
12:59the stiff combat and clunky controls if Shenmue 3 had any story momentum whatsoever. But here,
13:05the villain Lan D doesn't appear until the final minutes of the game before he effortlessly beats
13:10you to a pulp in a brief boss fight and then goes on his separate path again. You're sat there
13:16just
13:16going, what? I waited 20 years to have my ass kicked? I don't understand you, Yuuga Suzuki.
13:25You're sitting there with the big drawing board of ideas here. You've probably written down a billion
13:30things to do and waste your time with little gacha-like games and arcade experiences. And
13:35you've never thought once, just go, ooh, probably should move the plot along. Don't worry, I'll come
13:40back to it in another 20 years. There's a good chance that I'll be dead by then. And not be
13:46able to say
13:47chili all. And also Shenmue 4. So yeah, long story short, uh, would have actually rather this be an
13:54email because the email would have just been the header text and no content whatsoever with
13:58picture of Lan D just flipping you off. And I would have probably appreciated that just as much.
14:02And so we close the show on Star Wars The Force Unleashed 2. Now, The Force Unleashed had its pretty
14:08rough edges, but it nevertheless remains one of the most entertaining and memorable Star Wars games.
14:12And it's sold enough that a sequel was quickly put into production. But Star Wars The Force Unleashed 2
14:18is a depressingly blatant cash grab that largely just rehashes the original that makes most of
14:25everything worse? Yeah. With a wafer-thin story, woefully repetitive level design, clunky combat,
14:32and a mere four-hour playtime, this thing absolutely dripped with cynicism from every port,
14:38feeling like it was just half-baked DLC than a full-fat retail product. Following the game's
14:44release, it unsurprisingly emerged that the production was a f-criggy nightmare, with LucasArts
14:49insisting that it be completed in just two years, half the time the team spent making the original
14:54Force Unleashed. Due to this, writer Hayden Blackman only had three weeks to pen the game's script,
14:59which, when combined with leadership changes at LucasArts, resulted in the project's scope and style
15:04being pulled in different directions throughout. That cannot have been a fun time. Despite the
15:10first game being a massive commercial hit, this limp sequel failed to move the needle at all,
15:14effectively killing the franchise shortly before Disney bought Lucasfilm. What a depressing end to
15:20such a promising franchise. Oh, well, here's hoping that maybe Yu Suzuki jumps on board in 20 years
15:30if I ever meet you in real life, mate, you're going to have a lot to answer for. And mainly
15:34just that
15:35I'll be really nice to you and polite because I don't carry that beef forward. It's just a video game.
15:40But don't do it again.
15:43And there we go, my friends. Those were eight video games that kind of probably should have just been
15:46an email. Let me know what you thought about it down in the comment section below and also put your
15:51suggestions for next week's episode down there as well. If you want to chat to me on the social
15:55medias in the meantime, you can do so where I'm at RetroJ on both Blue Sky and Instagram. And you
15:59can follow my lovely and ever patient editor's site over on her social medias over here. But before
16:03I go, my friend, I just want to say one thing. Even though we spoke today about video games that
16:07probably should have been an email, why don't we pen ourselves a nice little positive thought right
16:11now and send that to the inbox of the heart? That kind of actually works. Fair enough. I surprise
16:17myself sometimes with these. Let's just start each and every day by being kind to ourselves,
16:21by reminding ourselves that we deserve love, happiness and success. Because we do. We're all
16:26human beings. We deserve the bloody best. So treat yourself with that love. And trust me,
16:30it'll make things a lot easier if you do. There's enough hatred out there. So let's not start it in
16:35our own home. You know what I'm saying? So big love to you, you massive ledge. All right. And by
16:39the
16:39way, if you want to check out any other WhatCultureGaming stuff, you can check out a video. Okay,
16:43let's think about this. Where am I going to be positioned on the screen? So that must mean that
16:47everything's reversed. So here or here, does that work? You can check out. If not,
16:52I'll just flip the image right now. Hopefully not upside down, because otherwise that'd be very
16:56confusing. Unless they've... No, whatever. So it's over here. Go check out some more content
17:01from WhatCultureGaming. I'll speak to you soon. Bye!
Comments