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FunTranscript
00:00:05You
00:00:22Actors are so fucking dumb. I mean, I just fucking hate when I think that they matter
00:00:30So you made a career out of making them think that they matter
00:00:35You like having nice things, right?
00:00:39No, come on dude that guy's a fucking joke. I mean showing up without shoes to an event like that
00:00:45and so
00:00:47I mean I get it but you know to make that much of an effort
00:00:53And that fucking Rodney Dangerfield blazer, I mean grow up
00:00:58He has the fucking balls to call me stiff
00:01:01We're the people that get him paid and he has the fucking gall to call me a fucking
00:01:06You know I should just knocked him out, but what happens then?
00:01:11It was my fucking job
00:01:14Right
00:01:20Oh fucking shit, I got fucking poor man's air in that car fucking brazing me in front of all my
00:01:25fucking
00:01:27It's like who the fuck is he he's a fucking 45 year old nobody sitting around eating cereal playing call
00:01:32of duty while we all fucking work for him
00:01:37What a fucking loser I mean in and hung was a mediocre show what else has he done?
00:01:42Wasn't he in boogie nights?
00:01:44Wait, there's fucking side of you on
00:01:46Wait, you asked the question
00:01:48Yeah, but I didn't want an answer is gonna make me look like a dipshit
00:01:52I'm sorry Joe
00:01:55Yeah
00:01:57It's okay Joe, it's just
00:02:00Fuck
00:02:03This fucking town
00:02:07Nobody knows how to fucking behave
00:02:12Hey
00:02:15Hey
00:02:16Hey
00:02:16Hey
00:02:17Hey
00:02:17Hey
00:02:18Hey
00:02:20Hey
00:02:23You are
00:02:30Okay
00:02:44Holy shit
00:02:45What, what, what, what, what
00:02:48Oh fuck
00:02:49Dude, dude, dude
00:02:51What the fuck are you doing?
00:02:53What the fuck is this?
00:02:54You can't keep doing this shit
00:02:55What?
00:02:55I just missed the fucking
00:02:56Oh, then just fucking circle back around
00:03:01Circle back around
00:03:01It's not fucking that
00:03:03It's fucking harder than that
00:03:06But I'm sorry
00:03:07It was a false alarm anyway
00:03:08I thought
00:03:09I thought that it said
00:03:10I thought that it said that we got picked up
00:03:12And it said that we're waiting to hear
00:03:13If we got picked up
00:03:17Okay, so we missed the turn
00:03:20Almost wrecked the car
00:03:24Because of a false alarm
00:03:27On a web series wardrobe gig
00:03:29Correct me if I'm wrong
00:03:30Don't be a dick
00:03:32No, no, no
00:03:33I'm not
00:03:33I'm not
00:03:34I'm just checking
00:03:35I'm just fact checking
00:03:36Because if that's the reason
00:03:38And now I'm circling around
00:03:40And I'm gonna want a fat burger
00:03:42And that's literally the last fucking thing that I want
00:03:44Ooh, I could go jack-in-the-box
00:03:48Not for a web series
00:03:49You won't
00:03:52Okay
00:03:54I let the first one go
00:03:55I did
00:03:56But you're that much of a
00:03:58Fucked-up asshole
00:03:59That you actually need to make this a thing
00:04:02No, no, no
00:04:03See, I'm just a guy
00:04:05Who realizes that there's
00:04:07A lot of fucking one-way streets
00:04:10Down here
00:04:11No, you're just
00:04:15You're such
00:04:17A miserable prick sometimes
00:04:19You know that?
00:04:20I mean
00:04:22All I do is listen to you talk about how you fucking hate actors
00:04:27Okay, well, just
00:04:28You weren't fucking listening, okay?
00:04:30Because you were swiping your clammy clam fingers
00:04:32All over your fucking phone
00:04:34And all I'm trying to do is drive us home
00:04:36And vent to my fucking wife
00:04:38And to me that seems like a pretty fucking reasonable fucking thing to do
00:04:42Yeah, but all you do is vent
00:04:44That's all you fucking do
00:04:45I hate myself
00:04:47I want to kill myself
00:04:47I want to fucking shoot myself
00:04:48It's all I ever hear
00:04:52Wait, what do you mean clam fingers?
00:04:54Okay, first of all
00:04:58I didn't say I wanted to shoot myself
00:05:01Yet, tonight
00:05:02So, obviously you weren't listening
00:05:06All I do is listen
00:05:07All I do is listen
00:05:09Okay
00:05:15Okay
00:05:16Case in point
00:05:17Do you see what I mean?
00:05:18See how much this fucking sucks
00:05:20That we missed that fucking turn?
00:05:21Because you were fucking
00:05:22Because of your fucking
00:05:25It's just
00:05:25It's fucking super not chill, dude
00:05:27I'm just saying
00:05:29You're a 33-year-old man
00:05:31You can't say super not chill anymore
00:05:34It makes it tough to be your wife
00:05:35I'm just saying
00:05:46I'm just saying
00:05:48Okay
00:05:49Okay
00:05:53What's that?
00:05:56What's that?
00:05:57No
00:05:59Nope
00:06:00Nothing
00:06:01No, please
00:06:01Nothing
00:06:02Indulge me, please
00:06:03Fucking indulge me
00:06:04What do you got?
00:06:04It's nothing
00:06:05It's just you
00:06:06There's
00:06:07There's just so much of your mother in you
00:06:09Just like nasty
00:06:11Out of nowhere
00:06:12And you know what?
00:06:13It's scary
00:06:13You should be on something
00:06:19Okay
00:06:21I see what you're doing
00:06:23I see
00:06:24You're
00:06:25You're saying the thing
00:06:26That's gonna make me
00:06:27Fucking put a knife
00:06:29In both of our bellies
00:06:30But
00:06:31I'll tell you
00:06:32It's not gonna work
00:06:34It's not gonna fucking work
00:06:39Because you're dumb
00:06:42That's all
00:06:47And I don't know
00:06:48I just
00:06:49I oft worry about how you
00:06:52Navigate the day
00:06:54Right
00:06:55It's just
00:06:56That's all
00:06:56Those are my concerns
00:06:58Because I'm in this too
00:06:59It's you and me, right?
00:07:01And so it's like
00:07:02So I see you get out of bed in the morning
00:07:04And then you get in bed at night
00:07:06And so you
00:07:07But it's all that space in between
00:07:09But that
00:07:09That
00:07:09That
00:07:11Where I'm consumed with
00:07:12With worry and wonder
00:07:13I'm consumed with wonder
00:07:15Of how you fucking do it
00:07:16Pull the car over
00:07:16I'm not
00:07:17I'm getting back
00:07:18Pull the fucking car over
00:07:19Shut the fuck up
00:07:20What are you doing?
00:07:21Pull the fucking car over
00:07:22I can't
00:07:23I don't care
00:07:24Fucking figure it out
00:07:25Pull the fucking car over
00:07:26Jesus fucking Christ, dude
00:07:30Fuck me
00:07:32You know, I didn't
00:07:33You could have told me
00:07:34You're such a big fan of Hung
00:07:36Shit
00:07:36What the fuck are you doing?
00:07:38Dude, don't fucking hit the driver
00:07:39Are you fucking shitting me?
00:07:40Dude, shut the fuck
00:07:41What the fuck are you doing?
00:07:42Do not hit the fucking driver
00:07:44You fucking gotta be shitting me
00:07:46Don't hit the fucking driver
00:07:48You don't hit the fucking driver
00:07:51That's the fucking rule
00:07:53Don't hit the driver
00:08:01Joe, get in the car
00:08:03What are you doing?
00:08:03No fucking Joe
00:08:04No Joe
00:08:05This isn't a great place
00:08:06To prove a fucking point, okay?
00:08:08Yeah, okay
00:08:08Get in the car
00:08:09We're going home
00:08:10No, I'm
00:08:10What, are you gonna walk around
00:08:11Skid Row at 2 fucking AM?
00:08:13No, I'm gonna call Rachel
00:08:14I'm gonna come fucking pick me up
00:08:14No, you're gonna get in the car
00:08:15You're not gonna touch me
00:08:16You're not gonna
00:08:17Fucking touch me
00:08:19Get in the car
00:08:20Don't fucking touch me
00:08:21Don't fucking touch me
00:08:22Don't touch me
00:08:23Alright, okay
00:08:24Okay
00:08:26What the fuck, dude?
00:08:27Hands off my fucking lid
00:08:28What the fuck is wrong with you?
00:08:31Okay, okay, okay
00:08:37Do you see?
00:08:38See this right now?
00:08:40See, I'm stronger than you
00:08:43Physically
00:08:44A lot stronger, right?
00:08:46Okay?
00:08:48And that's what matters
00:08:51Okay
00:08:51Right now
00:08:52That's what matters
00:08:53So you touch
00:08:54My fucking hair again
00:08:56And all that's
00:08:57Fucking awful
00:08:57Got it?
00:09:01We're done
00:09:03Wait
00:09:07Okay, let's just fucking go home
00:09:08Jack in the box is fine
00:09:10No
00:09:25Hey
00:09:26Fuck hey
00:09:28We're done done
00:09:43You're a fucking joke
00:09:51Ow, my fucking elbow
00:09:54Fuck
00:10:20I'm not ready to come down
00:10:26Let's give it some more time
00:10:32Let's count down from ten, my dear
00:10:38Then we'll know if it's time
00:10:441, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
00:10:521, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
00:10:56I'm not ready to come down
00:11:01Let's do it once again
00:11:04I'm not ready to come down
00:11:13Okay, let's do it once again
00:11:44We haven't had sex in...
00:11:47A week.
00:11:5016 days.
00:12:09Hey, come on.
00:12:12I forget how important that is, you know?
00:12:17We just had a nice time.
00:12:19Would you like some more coffee?
00:12:21Sure.
00:12:21Okay, here.
00:12:23It's almost done, just...
00:12:27Brush fire.
00:12:31Trouble, trouble, trouble.
00:12:33I take you to places you've never been.
00:12:37Now I'm lying on the cold, hard ground.
00:12:41Ow!
00:12:42Ow!
00:12:44Now it...
00:12:46Okay, we didn't screw it away, did we?
00:12:49No.
00:12:51Oh, Jack.
00:13:08I'm sorry.
00:13:09That's not gonna cut it.
00:13:11All right, well, I remember us both being pretty sorry a couple minutes ago when we were...
00:13:16You know, before, when we were...
00:13:19No, okay, I mean for both of us.
00:13:23I mean, look at...
00:13:25Your face.
00:13:29No one in the world makes me as angry as you do.
00:13:34Well, that has to come for something now, doesn't it?
00:13:39I don't know how I get so mean.
00:13:43But we can't do this anymore.
00:13:47Well, you just said that I do something that nobody else in the world can do.
00:13:52So if I just take that thing and make it a positive, which I have to believe that I can...
00:13:55Okay, okay, okay, no, no, no.
00:13:57Dumb, dumb.
00:13:57It's not necessarily that.
00:13:58It's just, it's this, it's all of this.
00:14:00It's, we can't, something has to change or, or...
00:14:05Or...
00:14:06No.
00:14:09I know, but, um, what, what?
00:14:12Hey.
00:14:15Hey.
00:14:16Hey.
00:14:17Hey.
00:14:18Come here.
00:14:20Okay, I'll come back.
00:14:22Okay.
00:14:29You gotta get out of here.
00:14:30Yeah.
00:14:31I can do it, buddy.
00:14:32No.
00:14:33No.
00:14:37Yeah.
00:14:37No.
00:14:39Let's go.
00:14:39Let's go.
00:14:40We'll go to Palm Springs for the night.
00:14:42Get a room with the Ace.
00:14:43No, that's not gross.
00:14:44And, no.
00:14:44I don't know what else there is, then.
00:14:50Yes.
00:14:51Ayahuasca.
00:14:52Dig.
00:14:52Joe.
00:14:55Well, I don't even know what we're talking about anymore, so...
00:14:57This place is toxic.
00:14:58That's what we're talking about.
00:14:59This place is toxic, which makes us toxic.
00:15:01The whole thing, we can't...
00:15:04We can't stay here.
00:15:08Can we just start with breakfast, please?
00:15:10I'm being serious.
00:15:10Have you...
00:15:11Have you tried hanging out with us?
00:15:13Yeah, we're fun.
00:15:16Need to be around.
00:15:18Hey, Joe.
00:15:18Joe.
00:15:19Joe.
00:15:20Tina said that Dave has a new hair loss treatment.
00:15:23I think that we should maybe...
00:15:33You know what I think it is?
00:15:34I think that if you would just stand up a little bit straighter
00:15:36and throw your shoulders back
00:15:38and just really kind of...
00:15:39Just...
00:15:40I don't know.
00:15:40I just think people would take you more seriously.
00:15:42Yeah, I don't have a connection with a lot of people.
00:15:44I'm going to say something incredibly good.
00:15:46Like, I'm just more of a tomboy.
00:15:48And I think that that's...
00:15:48Don't.
00:15:49There's not...
00:15:50Like, I just don't connect a lot with girls, but...
00:15:51Your brain's a terrible cornerback.
00:15:57My brain's a terrible quarterback?
00:16:01Cornerback.
00:16:02It has bad coverage on your mouth.
00:16:07Please, just shut the fuck up.
00:16:14Okay, the worst of times.
00:16:15I know.
00:16:15I get it.
00:16:16But, you know, I have this thing called my job.
00:16:18Okay.
00:16:19How many times in the last month,
00:16:21because of your job,
00:16:22have you threatened to kill yourself
00:16:23or begged me to kill you?
00:16:27Well, I want to die.
00:16:30Okay.
00:16:31What I'm going to do
00:16:31is I'm going to cut my dick off.
00:16:33And I'm going to swallow it softly, though.
00:16:36Okay?
00:16:36So it lodges in my esophagus
00:16:38so if I don't choke to death,
00:16:40my dick stump will fucking bleed out.
00:16:43I don't even deserve to kill myself.
00:16:45That's how bad it is.
00:16:49And that's why I must.
00:17:12What do you suggest?
00:17:15My parents' place in Vermont.
00:17:17That'd be nice.
00:17:18You know, a nice Thursday through Sunday.
00:17:21Then get back Monday.
00:17:22They want to sell it.
00:17:23They want to be in Florida.
00:17:25Okay, I don't know much about the housing market out there,
00:17:29but I'm sure it's a good time to...
00:17:30I don't want to live here anymore.
00:17:35That's what it's sunny.
00:17:36It's sunny every day.
00:17:38It's sunny every day.
00:17:39I threw a bottle at you last night.
00:17:41Man, I don't know either, okay?
00:17:45We gotta go.
00:17:51I gotta go.
00:17:52Or I gotta go.
00:17:53Because if we stay here,
00:17:54then we're...
00:17:56I have a job, okay?
00:17:58You have a job.
00:17:59We have this fucking house.
00:18:01We can rent it, or are you...
00:18:02So you threw a bottle at me last night.
00:18:06You call me fat.
00:18:08Directly.
00:18:09Twice a month.
00:18:10Indirectly.
00:18:11I don't know.
00:18:11I don't know.
00:18:12Who knows how many times that is.
00:18:14Not at all completely accurate,
00:18:17because I'm merely suggesting that you not get fat,
00:18:19because I am a victim of my condition.
00:18:22That's what I'm saying.
00:18:23So I'm a victim of my environment.
00:18:24That's what I'm saying.
00:18:35That's cute.
00:18:37Okay?
00:18:38Okay, so you gotta run out to Chatsworth
00:18:39to buy James Franco's little brother
00:18:41a bag of Molly
00:18:42on my Sunday.
00:18:48Okay.
00:18:49Now this time,
00:18:51when I draw up the bath
00:18:52and ask you to drop the toaster in,
00:18:54you're gonna do it.
00:18:56You get me?
00:19:12Okay.
00:19:14Okay.
00:19:16Tea.
00:19:22I see what you did.
00:19:24Mm-hmm.
00:19:31Fucking Vermont?
00:19:32What are we gonna do there?
00:19:33I think it's good that you're leaving before the break.
00:19:36Hold on, I have something really awesome for you.
00:19:37Hi, Angela.
00:19:38Yeah.
00:19:39Yeah, here, look.
00:19:40This one.
00:19:40All right.
00:19:40It's universe spray.
00:19:42Cheddar cheese?
00:19:44Yeah.
00:19:46What are you gonna do out there?
00:19:48I'm gonna take Walton.
00:19:50Tell you that much.
00:19:51Oh, my God.
00:19:52Oh, my God.
00:19:58Oh, man.
00:20:00Oh, man.
00:20:00It's all happening.
00:20:02My agent.
00:20:05Well, I'd like to think that, you know,
00:20:06you'd miss your friend, too, right?
00:20:09Don't get all Jerry Maguire on me, you faggot.
00:20:17Do you still feel like you want to move
00:20:19after I spray you?
00:20:22I can be a good dog
00:20:25when you see me
00:20:27Oh, you're a bad man.
00:20:30I'm a bad man.
00:20:33I'm a bad man.
00:20:35You forgive me
00:20:36and I forgive you
00:20:38Yeah, I know you got the beat
00:20:40But I caught a few
00:20:42Frankly, I don't know what else
00:20:44I can do best to you
00:20:47Driving would have been romantic, though, right?
00:20:49When are we our worst?
00:20:51When we're together
00:20:54All right, more specific
00:20:57When we're in the car
00:20:58Okay
00:21:00What's up, dude?
00:21:02Hi
00:21:03Thanks
00:21:09Oh, what the fuck is that face?
00:21:18What?
00:21:18Oh, he just made the graduate face
00:21:21Fuck
00:21:22I did not just make
00:21:24I did not fuck me here, Joe
00:21:26I'm not gonna fuck you, Joe
00:21:29I'm sorry
00:21:30We swear a lot
00:21:32Because we can bring out the worst
00:21:34In each other
00:21:35Okay
00:21:37Okay
00:21:44She said you just needed some time to adjust
00:21:51In each other
00:21:56Oh, my God.
00:22:26Oh, you know it makes them talk too much.
00:22:30That's super real.
00:22:35Oh, my God.
00:22:45Can I help you with your bags, eh?
00:22:53Yeah.
00:22:54Great shirt.
00:22:58I guess I'll take this one.
00:22:59Grab that one.
00:23:03Baby, don't tell our friends about me.
00:23:18This is fucking super Pete Wentz.
00:23:21Solo tour.
00:23:22It's not as sketchy as it looks.
00:23:25It's Wentz.
00:23:26It's not Wentz.
00:23:28Don't be a pussy.
00:23:38Fuck this.
00:23:57Well, what do we do now?
00:24:00Well, what do we do now?
00:24:08I think I'm going to be good here.
00:24:11Yeah.
00:24:13Me too.
00:24:18We can get a goat.
00:24:21We can get a goat.
00:24:21Yes, Joe.
00:24:22We can get a goat.
00:24:24You want a goat?
00:24:26You want a goat?
00:24:27Yeah.
00:24:28We can get you a goat.
00:24:32Love you.
00:24:33I love you.
00:24:39I can actually...
00:24:41It's funny.
00:24:41I can taste the local.
00:24:44Yeah.
00:24:46Do you taste the local?
00:24:48Sure.
00:24:49Because this pig was raised just down yonder river.
00:24:52Just down yonder river.
00:24:54Just down.
00:24:54No, this is not yonder country.
00:24:59No.
00:25:01Down river.
00:25:03Oh, yonder.
00:25:05Yonder river.
00:25:07Okay.
00:25:08Also, I haven't looked at my phone in how long.
00:25:11Big ups, right?
00:25:13For me.
00:25:13Yeah.
00:25:15This is...
00:25:20It's probably up here, but...
00:25:21Two more.
00:25:23Okay, some more.
00:25:25This guy...
00:25:26You can't just ply me with craft beers.
00:25:29There's an area.
00:25:30Gee, there's no fucking connection.
00:25:32And you knew this.
00:25:33I...
00:25:33I haven't lived here in forever.
00:25:36How am I supposed to know
00:25:38if they...
00:25:40don't put up a tower?
00:25:42If they don't put up a tower...
00:25:47Dude.
00:25:48Honestly, super nutshell.
00:25:50No.
00:25:51And I'm using that term intentionally.
00:25:57Fuck, that's good.
00:26:00But I don't know how good
00:26:02because my phone can't tell me.
00:26:06Namaste.
00:26:08Oh, wow.
00:26:10This is my journey.
00:26:16Oh, what the fuck...
00:26:21What the fuck do we do now?
00:26:30Talk.
00:26:32We can talk.
00:26:35Talk.
00:26:35Talk.
00:26:41I don't even know what hospital
00:26:43you were born in.
00:26:45Fletcher Allen.
00:26:48In Burlington?
00:26:50Yes.
00:26:51What time?
00:26:546.13.
00:26:556.13.
00:26:58A.M.?
00:27:00P.M.
00:27:01Oh, no, you didn't.
00:27:04Yeah, I...
00:27:04That is so you.
00:27:07It's so fucking accommodating.
00:27:08And you know what?
00:27:09You know what?
00:27:09You did that
00:27:10because you want to hold it
00:27:11over your parents' heads
00:27:11for the rest of their lives.
00:27:12I get it.
00:27:13Yeah.
00:27:14Bury you.
00:27:16What else?
00:27:19About?
00:27:21That day.
00:27:23The day I was born.
00:27:25Yes.
00:27:26I don't remember.
00:27:28I mean, aside from
00:27:29the impeccable timing.
00:27:31I don't know.
00:27:33You'd have to ask my parents.
00:27:36I mean, I know that
00:27:37the umbilical cord
00:27:38was wrapped around my neck
00:27:38and my mother and I
00:27:39both flatlined, but...
00:27:42Here we are.
00:27:54God, it takes a lot of shit
00:27:55to get here.
00:27:57My favorite season of ALF?
00:27:59I watched the shit out of ALF.
00:28:01I had an ALF doll.
00:28:04Why are you being jammy?
00:28:05I'm not being jammy.
00:28:07This is super fucking
00:28:08raspberry preserves right now.
00:28:10I'm not raspberry preserves right now.
00:28:12You're super preserves.
00:28:13No, I'm not...
00:28:14I'm not preserves right now.
00:28:17Thingy pudding, though.
00:28:18I'm not thingy puss.
00:28:20I'm 21 in fourth grade.
00:28:21I'm 11.
00:28:23And she says...
00:28:27So, um...
00:28:28Your parents are getting divorced.
00:28:31And I'm...
00:28:32Yeah, and it's...
00:28:34What happened is she overheard
00:28:36a conversation between
00:28:38my older brother
00:28:38and her older sister.
00:28:40And that's what my point is.
00:28:41Like, even landlines
00:28:42can fuck shit up, right?
00:28:44If everything is gone...
00:28:46Anyway, this little cunt...
00:28:52Ten-year-old...
00:28:53That's a ten-year-old cunt.
00:28:54That's good.
00:28:55That's healthy.
00:28:58She says that shit.
00:29:00And all of a sudden,
00:29:01I'm like, literally,
00:29:02chicken fucking little
00:29:03and the sky's falling on me.
00:29:04I need love, I need love
00:29:10I'm just fucking bawling uncontrollably.
00:29:14And...
00:29:18I look back
00:29:19and I actually fucking feel
00:29:21bad for that fucking kid.
00:29:29Oh, God.
00:29:30And that's when I started
00:29:31fucking being a dick.
00:29:36Leo Perez told
00:29:38everyone I gave him a blowjob.
00:29:41Okay.
00:29:42Perez.
00:29:43There aren't any Hispanics
00:29:45in Vermont.
00:29:47Okay, I'm sorry.
00:29:48Well, go ahead.
00:29:50No, but it was just weird
00:29:51because...
00:29:52like, after he told everyone that,
00:29:55it's like the...
00:29:55the demographic of...
00:29:57or whatever.
00:29:58Like, in my high school,
00:29:59the demographic of
00:30:00people who desired me.
00:30:03totally changed.
00:30:05Like, all of a sudden,
00:30:06like, the grossest,
00:30:08seediest guys
00:30:09were calling my house.
00:30:10Your old man must have been
00:30:11super pleased.
00:30:13It's not like...
00:30:16You didn't lose
00:30:17your virginity
00:30:18at Ben Roethlisberger, right?
00:30:22Honestly, Joe.
00:30:25I know.
00:30:26It's hard.
00:30:27Joe, shut the...
00:30:28We've been through
00:30:29the darkness.
00:30:31I know.
00:30:31I know.
00:30:32It's...
00:30:32It's hard for me to know
00:30:35who...
00:30:36was first.
00:30:37because, um...
00:30:43There were...
00:30:45There were...
00:30:46There were two of them.
00:30:52There were two of them.
00:30:55Like, well,
00:30:57consecutive days.
00:31:00Consecutive days.
00:31:04Okay.
00:31:08So...
00:31:13Like...
00:31:17Like...
00:31:18Like...
00:31:20Like a double-team?
00:31:22Like a double-team?
00:31:23Like a double-team?
00:31:23It was...
00:31:24I was on a recruiting trip
00:31:26to Tufts
00:31:27and we went to
00:31:29a party at the hockey house
00:31:31and there was
00:31:32one hockey player
00:31:32and he was really,
00:31:34really,
00:31:35really sweet.
00:31:37Well, at the time
00:31:38he was sweet,
00:31:40but I don't know.
00:31:41Anyway,
00:31:41I think he was Canadian,
00:31:43but...
00:31:45What are you doing?
00:31:50What are you doing?
00:31:52What are you doing?
00:31:54Stop!
00:31:56Like a...
00:32:01Where's the Xanax?
00:32:02Where's the...
00:32:03Where's the...
00:32:03Is there, like...
00:32:04Is there a Nyquil?
00:32:06I want you to stop
00:32:07because you know what
00:32:09I can do?
00:32:10I can unlearn this.
00:32:11I can...
00:32:16Bird.
00:32:17Jesus.
00:32:18My sweet, sweet.
00:32:21I can...
00:32:23You think this was easy for me?
00:32:25You think this was easy for me?
00:32:27You said you had a two-girls situation
00:32:29before we got together.
00:32:32Do this!
00:32:33Ah!
00:32:34Two vaginas aren't gonna
00:32:35fucking punish anybody!
00:32:37It's two dicks!
00:32:38We're talking about
00:32:39two hockey-playing
00:32:41motherfucking dicks!
00:32:42I would rather...
00:32:47Honestly, I'd rather you get
00:32:49fucking voluntarily gang-banged
00:32:51by a bunch of terrorists.
00:32:55Please, just...
00:32:57talkie-players!
00:33:08Oh, mama...
00:33:09If you'd actually waited
00:33:11and listened
00:33:13to the rest of the story,
00:33:16if you'd been a fucking friend,
00:33:21you would've heard
00:33:22that the second dick
00:33:28wasn't...
00:33:28I didn't...
00:33:37I'm trying to tell you something.
00:33:39Like, a really shitty...
00:33:40a really shitty moment
00:33:42in my life right now.
00:33:43I'm trying to...
00:33:44just to share that with you.
00:33:48You can't...
00:33:49make it about you, Joe.
00:33:57I'm gonna go to bed.
00:34:17Jare!
00:34:20Jare!
00:34:22White Fang.
00:34:29Jare, what the hell are you doing?
00:34:31He was actually just telling me
00:34:32that reading's a waste of time.
00:34:34Was he?
00:34:35Well, he's fucking grounded.
00:34:36Nelson.
00:34:36Nice to meet you.
00:34:37Me too.
00:34:38Yeah.
00:34:39What are you guys doing?
00:34:40You guys going to work?
00:34:40Yeah, we're...
00:34:41Well, I am.
00:34:42I'm painting a couple lift towers
00:34:43in a lodge in Mad River.
00:34:44He's gonna fucking watch.
00:34:47There's shit.
00:34:48Yeah.
00:34:48That's pretty exciting.
00:34:50Come on, Jare.
00:34:50Let's go.
00:34:51Get in the truck.
00:34:53Have a good one.
00:34:53Wait, you guys...
00:34:54You guys need a hand or anything?
00:34:56Yeah, I wish, right?
00:34:59No, no, no.
00:34:59Seriously.
00:35:01Serious?
00:35:02You just want to make sure
00:35:03you go with the grain.
00:35:06Yeah.
00:35:07I'm not a complete fucking pussy.
00:35:08Sorry.
00:35:09I just...
00:35:09I don't know if you Hollywood types
00:35:10know how to...
00:35:13You beavered the fuck out of that.
00:35:15That's good for being...
00:35:17Fuck, man.
00:35:18Kind of all over the place.
00:35:20I was in Breck for a minute.
00:35:22Ended up moving back east
00:35:24to work for a consulting firm.
00:35:26To the city?
00:35:28Stanford, Connecticut.
00:35:30Yeah.
00:35:33Mm-hmm.
00:35:34That's the pits.
00:35:35It was.
00:35:36What, did you just get sick
00:35:37of the office racket?
00:35:39Yeah.
00:35:42And I was...
00:35:43kind of fucked up.
00:35:46How so?
00:35:49Doing a lot of blow.
00:35:52Probably drinking too much, but...
00:35:55Such is life?
00:35:58Such is life.
00:35:59Plus, I fucked things up
00:36:01with a woman I was supposed to marry.
00:36:02So, how about yourself?
00:36:04Why'd you leave sunny L.A.?
00:36:06Well, it's actually not as sunny
00:36:09as they say, but...
00:36:11No, I don't know.
00:36:13It's...
00:36:13Because my wife would've killed me.
00:36:16Or worse.
00:36:20Worse?
00:36:22Just left.
00:36:24Left.
00:36:26Left.
00:36:48Oh, look at her go.
00:36:54My little Vermont mama.
00:36:56Hi, Jim.
00:36:59There.
00:37:00Hey, this is Nelson.
00:37:02My new friend.
00:37:04Nelson, this is that woman
00:37:04I was telling you about.
00:37:06That woman.
00:37:07That woman.
00:37:08Okay.
00:37:08Nice to meet you.
00:37:09Nice to see you, Nelson Riley.
00:37:11You played hockey for Tufts.
00:37:13No.
00:37:13Your mouth.
00:37:14Ski racing.
00:37:16What has it been, like, 20 years?
00:37:18Do not say that.
00:37:19That's not right.
00:37:20Oh, my God.
00:37:21Yeah.
00:37:22He skied for GMVS.
00:37:23And you went to Mount Mansfield?
00:37:24Yeah.
00:37:25Yeah.
00:37:27Hey, ma'am, why don't you just...
00:37:28Why don't you stay over for dinner?
00:37:30Can you...
00:37:30Mom, do you mind if Nelson comes over for supper
00:37:33and maybe brings little Jerry?
00:37:34Well, as long as it's okay with his parents,
00:37:36okay with your parents?
00:37:36No, yeah.
00:37:37That'd be great.
00:37:38I'll, uh...
00:37:38I'll go get changed.
00:37:39I'll be back in a bit.
00:37:40Okay.
00:37:40All right.
00:37:41What are you gonna wear?
00:37:41Just so...
00:37:41Because if I don't...
00:37:42Yeah, we don't want to clash.
00:37:43We don't want to clash it up.
00:37:44Just...
00:37:44I'll be here.
00:37:45Okay.
00:37:45He can stay with us.
00:37:46Can he stay with us?
00:37:46He can stay with us.
00:37:47Yeah.
00:37:48Yeah, sure.
00:37:50Hey, listen.
00:37:51Do not fuck this up for me.
00:38:04They were really, really good.
00:38:06Yeah.
00:38:07But you know who wasn't really good?
00:38:08It was Paul Epstein.
00:38:10Yeah.
00:38:10Dick.
00:38:11Paul.
00:38:12Paul's a little bit of a dick.
00:38:13Two girls, but he wasn't that bad around...
00:38:15But you were kind of a dick.
00:38:16Oh, my God.
00:38:18No, no, no.
00:38:18You were friends with him.
00:38:19You were kind of friends with him.
00:38:20I would have been friends with Doug, but Doug wouldn't hang out with me because I was...
00:38:23I guess I was a little bit of a dick.
00:38:25Yeah.
00:38:25Hey, guys.
00:38:26Hey.
00:38:28Um, sorry, but I just want you to know that the more that you focus on this exclusive ski
00:38:34racing exchange, what happens?
00:38:38I, uh, well, I...
00:38:40This.
00:38:43And then I harvest the darkness.
00:38:45And then what, uh, you'll be gone.
00:38:47Okay?
00:38:47And then you.
00:38:50You, you're going to get on the ass end of a tongue lashing, and it gets domestic.
00:38:54Okay?
00:38:56But I don't want that.
00:38:57I don't want, I don't want that.
00:38:59Because you're my best friend, and you're the most beautiful woman in the world.
00:39:03Oh, Joe.
00:39:07Let's get domestic.
00:39:14Thank you so much.
00:39:16This was delicious.
00:39:17You're welcome.
00:39:18Well, I took the meat, shit lips.
00:39:20Okay?
00:39:24Okay.
00:39:24Shit lips is a little aggressive.
00:39:26I'm sorry.
00:39:26No, shit lips was pretty accurate.
00:39:32So, uh, was it weird changing your last name?
00:39:37Problem?
00:39:38I thought about doing the hyphenated thing.
00:39:46Did you do that?
00:39:48I thought about hyphenating my last name.
00:39:51No, you didn't.
00:39:53No, I did, actually.
00:39:56No, you can't Indian give a last name.
00:39:59You can't, uh, because we're not Indians.
00:40:02Because we're not, um...
00:40:04And moreover, we're not lesbians.
00:40:06So, uh, and we're not lesbian Indians.
00:40:10We're just having a conversation.
00:40:14We're just talking.
00:40:15I didn't mean to...
00:40:16You didn't do anything.
00:40:18You didn't mean to...
00:40:19You didn't mean to do anything because you didn't...
00:40:21Because it's not a thing.
00:40:22Because it's not a thing, it's not a thing.
00:40:23Because I said it's not a thing.
00:40:24That's why.
00:40:31Oh, give me a break.
00:40:32You think he...
00:40:33I mean, my man's been through the shit.
00:40:37Please.
00:40:46You're going to give me that?
00:40:48You know, that's...
00:40:52You know what that look does, though?
00:40:54It makes this more aggressively this.
00:41:06But you know, but you know that you do...
00:41:10And that's what makes you ten times sicker than me.
00:41:17Fuck, let's just do it.
00:41:19Let's just do it.
00:41:19Let's just put it all out on the thing.
00:41:22And let's just...
00:41:23Talk about what you would do to make me the guy you wanted to marry.
00:41:32Sometimes I wish that you were an entirely different person.
00:41:42Okay, anybody for a little sponge cake or a little vine?
00:41:46It's young Frankenstein.
00:41:48It's...
00:41:49What he does.
00:41:56Hey.
00:42:00There we go.
00:42:23You guys like it here?
00:42:25I do.
00:42:29I do.
00:42:30We do.
00:42:30We do.
00:42:31We do.
00:42:34I mean, it's different than, like, the last ten years.
00:42:37But it's familiar.
00:42:39You know, it's home.
00:42:42And he did this for me, so...
00:42:44It gives him...
00:42:47A little bit of wiggle room.
00:42:50To be a dick.
00:43:08Oh, my God.
00:43:09Really?
00:43:11Breaks up the monotony.
00:43:15You're all right.
00:43:16Exactly, Jared.
00:43:17You're all right, buddy.
00:43:18You're okay, Jared.
00:43:20Hey, can I take him tomorrow?
00:43:22Are you guys working?
00:43:23Yeah, sure.
00:43:25Yeah, sure.
00:43:29Glacierine.
00:43:30Glacierine gum?
00:43:32How long is this shipping in here?
00:43:34They...
00:43:35Those don't go bad.
00:43:36They don't go bad.
00:43:37Oh, shit.
00:43:39We can make whipped cream.
00:43:40We can make...
00:43:41We can make whipped cream.
00:43:43It's fucking all butter loaf.
00:43:46Yeah, it's motherfucking whipped cream.
00:43:49And we'll put some faggot berries.
00:43:54Mine didn't work.
00:43:56Yeah, mine was to the tune.
00:43:57Okay.
00:43:58This is the best...
00:43:59It's some faggot berries.
00:44:04This is the best night ever.
00:44:08Let's just do it.
00:44:09Let's just do it.
00:44:09What?
00:44:10We're gonna put a pumpkin patch, baby, in your belly.
00:44:15That's what's going on.
00:44:17Okay.
00:44:23Oh, yeah.
00:44:28Your stupid face.
00:44:30I like your stupid face.
00:44:37I pulled my hair.
00:44:38Just kidding.
00:44:39I'm just kidding.
00:44:40I was just kidding.
00:44:47You know, I only go down on you if you have these on.
00:44:51That's good.
00:44:52Then I can actually see what's happening.
00:45:18Now suck my dick.
00:45:20Done and done.
00:45:26Come on.
00:45:28Come on.
00:45:29I'll be with you.
00:45:32I'll be with you.
00:45:44I'll be with you.
00:45:48Hey.
00:45:48Hey.
00:45:49Hey, do you want up, kids?
00:45:51Yeah, sure.
00:45:53I mean, I guess I'd have to meet someone that I want to have one with first, but...
00:45:56Yeah, well, that's just science.
00:46:01Do you guys want to have kids?
00:46:04Yeah.
00:46:04Okay.
00:46:05Right?
00:46:06Wait, what?
00:46:07Why'd you ask surprised?
00:46:09No, I mean, jeez, I don't even know you, and that was enough last night.
00:46:15It was intense.
00:46:19That was like green tea.
00:46:20You should see us on meth.
00:46:24And that's fun?
00:46:27Fun?
00:46:28But that's cute.
00:46:29What is that even supposed to mean?
00:46:31Sure.
00:46:32Yeah, it's fun.
00:46:33We have fun.
00:46:36But I honestly don't even know what that means.
00:46:49Okay, okay, okay, Canadians, they have fun together.
00:46:52Not real people, not real Americans.
00:46:54That's not true.
00:46:55When was the last relationship you were in?
00:46:57A year ago.
00:46:58Was it fun?
00:46:59Yeah, it was the best.
00:47:01We always say that shit when she's gone, but what happened?
00:47:04I spent the down payment on our house on Final Four bets on cocaine.
00:47:08Okay.
00:47:09Oh, right.
00:47:11Anything's gonna seem fun after you do some dumb shit like that.
00:47:13What the fuck, man?
00:47:15Come on, okay, I'm a dick.
00:47:16No, no, that's not cool, man.
00:47:18No, okay, yeah, I'm a dick, but...
00:47:20Come on, man, it can't be all love all the time.
00:47:22It's not...
00:47:25It's...
00:47:25God, maybe that's why I'm a dick.
00:47:27Maybe that's why I fucking say some dick-headed shit,
00:47:29because it just seems better than the alternative.
00:47:32I don't...
00:47:34The point is, you're making...
00:47:35You're hurting people's feelings, okay?
00:47:36And not just that.
00:47:38Girls' feelings, they get hurt different.
00:47:41Those feelings are a lot different.
00:47:43Dude, feelings are meant to get hurt.
00:47:47Feelings are meant to get felt.
00:47:59I'm not...
00:48:16How about this, huh?
00:48:17Look at this.
00:48:19Why do you know I jinx it?
00:48:21How can you not hold hands to a recovered bridge?
00:48:23You're right.
00:48:29Sorry.
00:48:30Yep.
00:48:32Oh, man, we have to order everything,
00:48:34because we can't afford not to.
00:48:43Hmm.
00:48:46No, come on.
00:48:46Like, this is what I'm saying.
00:48:47Like, this face.
00:48:48Look at this.
00:48:48Look at this.
00:48:49Look at this.
00:48:49I'll do a thing.
00:48:50I'll do, like, a whole goddamn procession.
00:48:52This face.
00:48:55Okay?
00:48:56Okay.
00:48:57I'll go to the bathroom.
00:48:58Okay.
00:49:04Wait.
00:49:06Shouldn't you, like, not be drinking?
00:49:07No, it's fine.
00:49:09Really?
00:49:10Yeah, I mean, it doesn't...
00:49:11It doesn't matter.
00:49:14Dude, I don't want to have the fucking penguin for a kid.
00:49:17Okay.
00:49:18Oh, because we'll just dump him in a sewer, right?
00:49:21Okay, drink up.
00:49:22Let's fucking party.
00:49:23I can't get pregnant right now.
00:49:25It's a thing.
00:49:26I know it's...
00:49:27I did the math.
00:49:27I do it every month.
00:49:28Can't get pregnant right now.
00:49:29Okay, let's hypothetically, next time, next cycle, next moon cycle,
00:49:34we have a boy.
00:49:36We name him Jimmy Rowe.
00:49:39No questions asked.
00:49:40Oh, okay.
00:49:41Uh, or we name him Colonel Mustard.
00:49:49And if it's a girl.
00:49:51Maeve.
00:49:52Shit.
00:49:53I like that.
00:49:59Okay.
00:50:00Can I interest you guys in some dessert?
00:50:03Well, do you have bread pudding?
00:50:05Yeah, actually we do.
00:50:07Oh, so that means we have to get that.
00:50:11Uh, he doesn't have a lot of rules, but he has bread pudding and then there's two other rules.
00:50:16Okay.
00:50:17This sounds fun.
00:50:19Give me the other two.
00:50:21He can't be friends with anybody who watches Family Guy and he always has to stop at a lemonade stand.
00:50:26And I don't know why I find those stupid rules sexy, but I do.
00:50:32Well, one woman's sexy is another woman's...
00:50:44Then we had to open up another dining...
00:50:46Oh, honey, honey, come here, come here.
00:50:48I was just talking about you.
00:50:49Oh, no.
00:50:52Hey, that meal was amazing.
00:50:53And Marie just said you, you kind of just started being a chef?
00:50:57It's like a new thing?
00:50:57Well, I'm a cook, I'm not a chef.
00:51:00But whatever you want to call yourself, that was really, really good.
00:51:03Yeah.
00:51:03I was just telling these two that their story is not so different from ours.
00:51:08Oh, sorry to hear that.
00:51:10Yeah.
00:51:10We just kind of, like, quit our life in L.A.
00:51:14So...
00:51:15Sabbatical, kind of, just a little...
00:51:17Huh.
00:51:18What'd you do in L.A.?
00:51:20He was an agent.
00:51:21I mean, still kind of, yeah, still am-ish, you know.
00:51:24Okay.
00:51:25And I also, I worked in the business, too, so...
00:51:28Wardrobe.
00:51:31That sounded better.
00:51:33That's because what I'm saying is less business.
00:51:35Uh-huh.
00:51:35More creative.
00:51:36Oh.
00:51:37Because you're creative more, you're creativer than I am.
00:51:40Yeah, I keep going with this.
00:51:40That's fucking good.
00:51:41You're the creativist.
00:51:44Damn it.
00:51:45Damn it.
00:51:46All right.
00:51:47So, uh, you guys just said, what, the hell with it?
00:51:51Yeah.
00:51:52Hmm.
00:51:52Hmm.
00:51:54It's...
00:51:54It's noble.
00:51:58Why'd you...
00:51:59Why'd the surprise tone from him?
00:52:01Because you said that we had a similar story system.
00:52:04It was similar, similar, similar broad strokes.
00:52:06Well, then why'd you guys move here?
00:52:08Well, have you seen it outside?
00:52:10We love it here.
00:52:11If you don't count November through April.
00:52:15But we always thought that we would end up here, right?
00:52:17Yeah, and sometimes life can be, you know, a prick.
00:52:25Yeah, but...
00:52:26Well, well, all right, 07, 08.
00:52:30Mm-hmm.
00:52:31Right?
00:52:31Working downtown.
00:52:35And shit crashed.
00:52:37Everything changed.
00:52:38Wasn't.
00:52:38So, what did we do?
00:52:40We...
00:52:40Next thing I know, we moved up here.
00:52:42Winter of 08.
00:52:42Winter of 08.
00:52:43Mm-hmm.
00:52:44It was freezing, um, and I couldn't even get a job, you know, making drinks.
00:52:52But, um...
00:52:53Okay, so, wait.
00:52:54You did...
00:52:55You just got canned.
00:52:57You didn't opt out for a fucking cage-free life?
00:53:01Yeah, no.
00:53:03But he wouldn't change a single thing.
00:53:05That is right.
00:53:07She is right.
00:53:12Ruben.
00:53:14Hey, dude.
00:53:15Would you...
00:53:17Would you still be pushing money around if you hadn't gotten fucking dicks in the recession?
00:53:22Uh, I hope not.
00:53:24It sucked.
00:53:24Yeah, but, I mean, I probably wouldn't have gotten out, but I was, you know, forced out.
00:53:30But thank fucking God that I was.
00:53:34But, you know, when we moved up here a few years ago, I mean, it was hard, man.
00:53:40It was dark.
00:53:43It was dark.
00:53:47But, you know, sometimes life gives you a pile of shit,
00:53:51and you just have to figure out a way to, you know...
00:53:55Grow psilocybin.
00:53:58Right.
00:53:59That's right.
00:54:01Caps for me, stems for you.
00:54:03Okay.
00:54:04Don't look so worried.
00:54:06No, no, I'm not.
00:54:07I'm not.
00:54:08I'm...
00:54:08I'm...
00:54:10I'm good.
00:54:11I just, um, you guys are...
00:54:13You guys are happy.
00:54:14Yeah, well, we're too old not to be.
00:54:17But that first year...
00:54:19Well, that was tough.
00:54:21Yeah.
00:54:25Winters are tough.
00:54:29You guys can do it, though.
00:54:32Yeah.
00:54:34Yeah.
00:54:36I just don't...
00:54:37I don't want to...
00:54:38I don't want to be blamed for, you know, everything.
00:54:43Oh, my God.
00:54:44Well, that's what marriage is all about.
00:54:46It's having someone to blame,
00:54:48and then someone to laugh about it with.
00:54:51Hmm.
00:54:58Those guys are great, huh?
00:55:00They are.
00:55:01They're good people.
00:55:02I like them.
00:55:03Yeah, they're sweet.
00:55:05Just really sweet, and...
00:55:06But with that...
00:55:07That nice city edge, you know?
00:55:09Mm-hmm.
00:55:10That's nice.
00:55:10That's nice.
00:55:13So you're going to say it?
00:55:15Yeah, I just did.
00:55:17Super city sweet, sweet edge.
00:55:19Are you going to say it,
00:55:19or are you going to keep doing the thing?
00:55:21Yeah.
00:55:23Are you going to say it,
00:55:25or are you going to keep doing this,
00:55:26which is...
00:55:29It's great.
00:55:30It's great.
00:55:30It's you doing you.
00:55:33And that's fun.
00:55:35It's a fun show.
00:55:36Yeah, yeah.
00:55:38Don't look at me like that.
00:55:40Say...
00:55:40Are you going to say it?
00:55:41No, I'm saying it.
00:55:42I'm saying it.
00:55:43This is such a great impersonation of you
00:55:46doing you.
00:55:47Oh, no, I...
00:55:47So this is you...
00:55:49I think I get it.
00:55:50Doing you.
00:55:51Who else would do me
00:55:52if I didn't do me?
00:55:54Why did you put on
00:55:55movie trailer voice for that?
00:55:57Who else?
00:55:59No, I have a hard time...
00:56:01Yeah, I don't know.
00:56:02I think I would do
00:56:02the best version of me.
00:56:05Okay.
00:56:09Okay, but here's the thing.
00:56:10You have to say it,
00:56:11because if you don't say it,
00:56:12it's going to fester,
00:56:13and it's going to procreate
00:56:14in that brain of yours,
00:56:14and then it's going to come out
00:56:16like a...
00:56:18Like one of the...
00:56:19Like a...
00:56:21Like an old faithful.
00:56:23A geyser?
00:56:26Like an old faithful.
00:56:26Sure.
00:56:28I see it.
00:56:29I see what you're saying.
00:56:30Don't get it.
00:56:32I want to get it.
00:56:33Okay.
00:56:34Yeah.
00:56:34You need to say it.
00:56:35You need to say it.
00:56:36I need you to say it.
00:56:37You need to get your damn hands off me.
00:56:38I need you to say it.
00:56:39I need you to say it.
00:56:39Get your damn hands off her.
00:56:41I'm going to put my fingers
00:56:42so they touch.
00:56:43I'm going to put them through
00:56:44your whatever that is.
00:56:45Your wing.
00:56:46And I'm going to kick you
00:56:47into your fucking candy maldonata
00:56:48is what I'm going to do.
00:56:51Well, then triple bucket shot
00:56:52and get a heel to him.
00:56:54Say it.
00:56:55We'll agree to disagree fine.
00:56:56You want to know what it is?
00:56:57You want to know what it is?
00:56:58Say it.
00:56:58You want to know what it is?
00:56:59Say it.
00:56:59You want to know what it is?
00:57:00Say it.
00:57:00He fucking didn't quit his job.
00:57:02He didn't quit his job.
00:57:03There it is.
00:57:05He had no choice.
00:57:06And now he has to go back
00:57:07to the fucking drawing board.
00:57:12And he has no choice
00:57:14but to accept the life
00:57:16he was forced into.
00:57:17Not the life he chose
00:57:19because what happens?
00:57:20With a choice
00:57:20comes that inevitable
00:57:22second guess.
00:57:25Okay.
00:57:27Have I ever ordered something
00:57:29and been happy while eating it?
00:57:32Okay.
00:57:33That one time
00:57:33when I was eating the baked eggs
00:57:36and the porchetta
00:57:37and the fucking black eyed peas
00:57:38or whatever it was
00:57:38it was on that snobby bullshit place
00:57:41in Wilshire.
00:57:41I was stoked.
00:57:42But that's fucking once
00:57:43in how many
00:57:44all the other 700,000 times
00:57:46what have I done?
00:57:47I've lusted after somebody else's plate
00:57:48or something from the menu
00:57:50that I only knew in words
00:57:52but like
00:57:53what I'm saying is
00:57:54that if somebody makes you something
00:57:56right
00:57:56and there's no choice
00:57:58it's nine times out of ten
00:58:00pretty fucking good.
00:58:04you said to say it.
00:58:10What about tonight?
00:58:13What about every date night?
00:58:14It's usually great.
00:58:17It's usually great.
00:58:18Usually great.
00:58:19It's usually great.
00:58:22Why are you making the face
00:58:24that you're going to say something
00:58:25but
00:58:25like you're
00:58:26but
00:58:26No, except when I ruin it.
00:58:28it was only just
00:58:30it was just me being
00:58:31doing
00:58:32taking
00:58:33ownership for
00:58:34it was great.
00:58:39We're good sharers.
00:58:43Yeah, we're good sharers.
00:58:48Come on.
00:58:51Come on.
00:58:56That's good.
00:58:57That's good.
00:58:57You don't
00:58:58don't take too much off
00:58:59but don't put too much on it.
00:59:00Look at all that.
00:59:01That's a lot.
00:59:02That's why I'm
00:59:02taking it off.
00:59:03Look at how small the toenail is.
00:59:04You don't need that much.
00:59:05You're not painting a house.
00:59:06Less
00:59:06is more
00:59:07is more
00:59:08less is more
00:59:08less is more
00:59:10but not too less
00:59:11because then it's none.
00:59:12Gotta get coverage.
00:59:15Hey, don't you miss me
00:59:16complaining about terrible scripts?
00:59:18Nah.
00:59:20Oh, sorry.
00:59:21Oh, my God.
00:59:22I remember something about a goat
00:59:23but I don't see a goat.
00:59:26Where's my goat?
00:59:26Where's my goat?
00:59:29It's at the goat farm.
00:59:32Okay.
00:59:32Dig on this.
00:59:34Organic mani-pedi salon.
00:59:36We open it up.
00:59:37Oh.
00:59:38I'm in pop operation.
00:59:40Sure.
00:59:40I think it's a good move
00:59:42but I still want my goat.
00:59:45I still want it.
00:59:48I still...
00:59:48I...
00:59:49Because, no, it's going to happen.
00:59:51No, it's going to happen.
00:59:51It's going to...
00:59:52It's just...
00:59:52My mouth, goat's penis.
00:59:54Roll camera.
00:59:55Hang on.
00:59:59Would you be bummed out?
01:00:02I'd be a little disappointed
01:00:03if you'd...
01:00:04with the...
01:00:06goat.
01:00:06Hey, hey, hey.
01:00:08What's up, dude?
01:00:09What's going on?
01:00:10Nothing.
01:00:11Painting some...
01:00:11I know.
01:00:12Good.
01:00:13What's going on?
01:00:14Hey, do you know any goat farmers?
01:00:17Uh, no.
01:00:18I don't...
01:00:19Should I?
01:00:20I don't know.
01:00:21Um, also,
01:00:22thinking about opening
01:00:23a little...
01:00:25organic mani-pedi
01:00:27shop.
01:00:28Artisanal.
01:00:29Only using fruit pigments.
01:00:31That's...
01:00:33That's actually
01:00:33a pretty good idea.
01:00:35Are you guys sure this is okay?
01:00:36I'm going to be gone for ten days.
01:00:38Yes.
01:00:38Oh, my God.
01:00:38He can stay as long as he wants.
01:00:40Okay.
01:00:41Yeah, man, it's...
01:00:41We didn't come out here
01:00:42so we can continue
01:00:43to not take care
01:00:44of our friend's pets, you know?
01:00:46Okay.
01:00:47Thank you very much.
01:00:48I appreciate it.
01:00:48All right, dude.
01:00:49Hey.
01:00:49Hey.
01:00:51Don't let the darkness in.
01:00:52Don't...
01:00:53What?
01:00:53I don't...
01:00:54No.
01:00:54Hookers and cocaine.
01:00:55No, man.
01:00:56No.
01:00:57Master party.
01:00:57Hookers, cocaine.
01:00:59Ssss.
01:01:00Take dinner.
01:01:01I am legend.
01:01:03No, no.
01:01:04We're going camping
01:01:04in the Adirondacks.
01:01:07Gay.
01:01:08Thank you so much.
01:01:09You're welcome.
01:01:10Have fun.
01:01:10Good day.
01:01:11B-bye.
01:01:12Bye-bye.
01:01:17That dude's over me.
01:01:19Was he ever under you?
01:01:20I wish.
01:01:22He's kind of a dud anyway.
01:01:25Yeah, but he's really good looking.
01:01:27Yeah, he's all right.
01:01:30You slept with him?
01:01:31What?
01:01:32We were 12 when we knew each other.
01:01:34But you grew up fast, didn't you?
01:01:36If you know what I mean.
01:01:37No, I don't.
01:01:38I don't know what you mean.
01:01:39Right.
01:01:39In your Lorna dune.
01:01:42Okay.
01:01:44It's shocking that someone doesn't like you.
01:01:46I agree.
01:01:48I'm the best.
01:01:49I'm the best.
01:02:07Joe, it's not a magic eye poster.
01:02:11I don't even want to see it.
01:02:13We have to see it.
01:02:15I've seen rough cuts, though.
01:02:16I know what happens.
01:02:18Let's just see something else.
01:02:22Nah, it'll be good.
01:02:23I mean, not the movie, but the anger.
01:02:26God, you're a glutton for misery.
01:02:31I got him this fucking movie.
01:02:33And you're getting paid for it.
01:02:35I still don't want to get a fucking sequel.
01:02:38Okay, so we pay for a different movie, but we see this one.
01:02:43You're a good friend.
01:02:44Fuck friends.
01:02:45No, I want him to get it.
01:02:54Holy fucking dick sack.
01:02:57He's going to get a fucking franchise from this shit.
01:03:00I did all the fucking light work, too.
01:03:03Really?
01:03:04It was so bad.
01:03:07It's going to gross 200 million, though.
01:03:09I mean, Americans love garbage.
01:03:12Exactly, Joe.
01:03:13You want to perpetuate an industry of garbage?
01:03:16You really want to be part of the problem?
01:03:18Jockeying for the next million-dollar comic book movie
01:03:20so that the movies that you actually like
01:03:22will never get seen or made?
01:03:23Come on, you get to be a consumer now.
01:03:26Isn't that relaxing?
01:03:29I don't even like movies.
01:03:31Or anybody.
01:03:33Right.
01:03:37Garcon.
01:03:38Can I have another double darkness, please?
01:03:47You mean a double sunshine?
01:03:49Well, you say milk, I say milk.
01:03:53Please.
01:03:55You really want to add more gas to the fire right now?
01:04:01Are you suggesting that I don't have another beer?
01:04:06I recall you had a side order of fries.
01:04:13I don't know what I'm talking about.
01:04:14I don't like it when I drink.
01:04:15I don't like it when you eat.
01:04:16Let's just call it a wash, please.
01:04:23I don't like it when I drink.
01:04:27I know I'm fucking up.
01:04:29I know I'm fucking up.
01:04:31I know I'm fucking up.
01:04:35I know I'm fucked up
01:04:38I know I'm fucked up
01:04:41I know I'm fucked up
01:04:43I know I'm fucked up
01:04:46But please
01:04:50Baby don't tell
01:04:53My friends about us
01:04:55I don't know where it's home
01:04:56Where could be his buzz
01:04:58That's it
01:05:00Cause that's how it does
01:05:02I write songs to help me deal
01:05:05With issues
01:05:05Sure some people may
01:05:08Hear too much
01:05:10But babe
01:05:12Don't tell our friends about me
01:05:17Babe
01:05:19Fuck you
01:05:20Don't tell our friends about me
01:05:23Come here
01:05:25I don't give a fuck
01:05:26Like people that are playing
01:05:28Fantasy football
01:05:29I don't give a fuck
01:05:31I don't want to be here dude
01:05:33I don't want to be here
01:05:35I know I'm fucked up
01:05:37You know fuck you
01:05:38Fuck you
01:05:39Fuck you
01:05:40Fuck you
01:05:41Cause you fucking made me do this beer
01:05:44What?
01:05:46What?
01:05:49What?
01:05:52What?
01:05:55I'm gonna take a dog bed
01:05:58I'm gonna sleep on the ground with a dog
01:06:00With a dog
01:06:01With a dog
01:06:03With a dog
01:06:04With a dog
01:06:04Give me some help
01:06:11Okay
01:06:12Okay
01:06:35Hey
01:06:35Hey
01:06:36Hey
01:07:01What's up, dude?
01:07:02Hey, man, what's up?
01:07:03Nothing.
01:07:07Yeah, figure out a way to open that.
01:07:10Okay.
01:07:11Open it up.
01:07:18Get it, buddy.
01:07:19Yeah.
01:07:20All right.
01:07:22Oh, you got it.
01:07:28Oh, man.
01:07:29That's the fucking chest.
01:07:31Yeah.
01:07:33Mm.
01:07:34Don't tell anybody.
01:07:38About the Misty River beer cage?
01:07:40Yeah.
01:07:41What the fuck am I gonna tell?
01:07:42I don't know.
01:07:43It's just...
01:07:44I just...
01:07:45This is my spot.
01:07:49Okay, dude.
01:07:50I'm not gonna...
01:07:52No, I know, I know.
01:07:53No.
01:07:53No, I'm being crazy.
01:07:55Yeah.
01:08:03Yeah, you think I could have a job as a bartender?
01:08:08Have you ever worked behind a bar before?
01:08:10No.
01:08:13Sure.
01:08:15Cool.
01:08:16Thanks.
01:08:17Yeah.
01:08:21You don't want to do that, though.
01:08:26Yeah, well, you know, just for now.
01:08:28Okay.
01:08:32Yeah.
01:08:37Yeah.
01:08:57Hey.
01:08:58It's shining on the water.
01:08:59There's a covered bridge.
01:09:00Look, there's a barn.
01:09:01It's decaying at this exact, perfect, Vermont-y way.
01:09:07Amazing, right?
01:09:07It is.
01:09:08It's so...
01:09:09It's so...
01:09:10It's pretty.
01:09:12Oh, that's convincing.
01:09:13Pretty.
01:09:15It's...
01:09:16I...
01:09:16It's...
01:09:17It's great.
01:09:18It's just...
01:09:18I don't...
01:09:19I don't know why I can't...
01:09:20Why anyone can't just appreciate the moment.
01:09:26Uh, well...
01:09:27Maybe it's because you're...
01:09:3028?
01:09:32I'm 32.
01:09:33Oh.
01:09:34I like you much more now.
01:09:36Thanks.
01:09:38No, it's just...
01:09:39I came here to relax.
01:09:40Like, I came here to just take a breather for a minute
01:09:42and just stop.
01:09:44And now all I'm worrying about is just everything.
01:09:49Like, I'm just worried.
01:09:50I'm worried that tomorrow is gonna...
01:09:52Is something terrible's gonna happen.
01:09:53I just feel like everything's just gonna...
01:09:57Fall apart, or...
01:09:59It's like, I remember when I was 29,
01:10:00I spent the whole year obsessing about turning 30.
01:10:04The whole year.
01:10:05That's all I thought about.
01:10:08And then when the day came and I turned 30,
01:10:11it was like...
01:10:12I don't...
01:10:14I'm 30.
01:10:17I wasted a whole year.
01:10:20And then kids?
01:10:22Fuck.
01:10:23I...
01:10:24I don't even know if I've even begun to start loving myself.
01:10:26I mean, I think I'm right there,
01:10:27but I can't...
01:10:29I can't live for other people.
01:10:31I can't do that.
01:10:33Kids give you someone to lash out at.
01:10:40Aging is the antidote.
01:10:43There comes a time...
01:10:46When you just cannot be miserable.
01:10:48You can't afford to be miserable.
01:10:52I hope you're right.
01:10:52You know, I'm in my 30s now,
01:10:55and I've...
01:10:56I'm starting over,
01:10:57and I dragged a guy who has...
01:10:59who had a career,
01:11:00and I brought him right down with me.
01:11:03Oh.
01:11:03You did not drag a guy down with you.
01:11:07Well, I don't know.
01:11:08Maybe you did.
01:11:10You guys came here for the geographic marital fix, right?
01:11:13And you get a couple of months out of that, maybe?
01:11:17You're young.
01:11:18You don't have kids.
01:11:19You...
01:11:20Yeah, you could.
01:11:21Oh.
01:11:22No.
01:11:23No, that's not...
01:11:24We don't...
01:11:24I don't...
01:11:24That's not...
01:11:25I don't...
01:11:49So it's, uh...
01:11:50It's not really cocktail country up here.
01:11:52It's pretty much beer, wine.
01:11:54Okay.
01:11:55Occasional martini.
01:11:56You're gonna handle that?
01:11:57Okay.
01:11:59Come on.
01:12:01Nothing.
01:12:03Right on.
01:12:04Okay.
01:12:07You good?
01:12:08Yeah, I'm good.
01:12:10I'm good.
01:12:10Are you okay?
01:12:11Yeah, I'm fine.
01:12:13I'm fine.
01:12:26Jerry!
01:12:28Hi.
01:12:29There he is.
01:12:30Oh, look like you don't care about me.
01:12:34I like it.
01:12:34How are you?
01:12:35I'm good.
01:12:36How are you?
01:12:37Good.
01:12:37I guess the honeymoon's over, buddy.
01:12:40How do you do?
01:12:41He's the best.
01:12:42Yeah, he's okay.
01:12:45How was your trip?
01:12:47It was pretty gross.
01:12:49I get it.
01:12:51Yeah.
01:12:52How's the, uh...
01:12:53How's the transition going?
01:12:55It's, um...
01:12:56It's good.
01:12:56I mean, it's...
01:12:59It's, um...
01:13:00Yeah.
01:13:01You guys haven't killed each other,
01:13:02so that's a plus, right?
01:13:04What does that mean?
01:13:06No.
01:13:07No, just that you guys...
01:13:09You know, it's difficult
01:13:11when you go from one extreme to this.
01:13:14Well, yeah.
01:13:15Yeah.
01:13:15Obviously.
01:13:19What did...
01:13:20Do you mean, though,
01:13:21by that we haven't killed each other?
01:13:23No.
01:13:23Yeah.
01:13:23I...
01:13:23I shouldn't...
01:13:25That...
01:13:26I...
01:13:27Come on.
01:13:28Just say it,
01:13:28because I need...
01:13:29I need a little perspective.
01:13:36You guys are great.
01:13:40But?
01:13:42You're passionate.
01:13:44Passionate?
01:13:45You make it sound like it's a bad thing.
01:13:47I don't know.
01:13:48You guys...
01:13:49I mean, I'm probably putting these feelings out on myself
01:13:53because I really don't have a choice,
01:13:54but you guys are fucking crazy.
01:13:56You're not crazy, but it's crazy,
01:14:00you guys together,
01:14:02which then makes me feel like it's...
01:14:04more than okay to be alone.
01:14:06That is fucking terrible to say to someone,
01:14:09and that's not what I meant.
01:14:10This is...
01:14:13I was talking about myself,
01:14:15and that's horrible.
01:14:16It's fine.
01:14:16Okay?
01:14:17I'm so fucking hungover right now.
01:14:21Fuck.
01:14:22My buddy left his wall in my truck.
01:14:24I should probably run it over to him.
01:14:27Yeah.
01:14:28I...
01:14:28That...
01:14:29Don't take that away.
01:14:30No.
01:14:31God, no.
01:14:31No, I'm...
01:14:32Okay.
01:14:33Sorry.
01:14:37Great.
01:14:38That's hurtful.
01:14:39I guess he's gonna...
01:14:40Yeah.
01:14:41Stick around for a little while.
01:14:42I'll pick him up in, like, a half an hour.
01:14:44No, he's fine.
01:14:44He's fine here.
01:14:46I didn't...
01:14:47I didn't...
01:14:47Don't even.
01:14:48It's...
01:14:49I'm not...
01:14:49Didn't even...
01:14:53Hey, guys.
01:14:54How we doing?
01:14:55Fine, thanks.
01:14:56Good.
01:14:56How are you?
01:14:58I'm actually all right.
01:14:59Thanks for asking.
01:15:00What can I get you?
01:15:02Uh, you don't have a white Bordeaux, do you?
01:15:04I do.
01:15:05And funny you should say,
01:15:06I've been super into the minerally whites.
01:15:09And I'll have an old-fashioned.
01:15:10Right.
01:15:11Have you had the double sunshine?
01:15:13I don't know what that is.
01:15:15It's a beer.
01:15:15Um, but I gotta be honest,
01:15:17it's much more than that.
01:15:18Uh, it's a game changer.
01:15:22That's for sure.
01:15:23Yeah, I'm not in the mood for beer,
01:15:24so I'll just stick with you.
01:15:25It's more than a beer, though.
01:15:26That's what I'm saying.
01:15:27It's more than a beer.
01:15:27It's made just down here.
01:15:29Just, uh, down...
01:15:30Just down, uh, yonder in town.
01:15:32Um, I'm gonna give you a taste.
01:15:34It's actually, it's on me.
01:15:35It's what you're gonna have,
01:15:36because you're gonna love it.
01:15:37You're gonna fucking love it.
01:15:38Okay.
01:15:40Anyway, so, um,
01:15:42yeah, we actually tried to sign him
01:15:43a few weeks ago.
01:15:44One of his reps just up and split.
01:15:47That seems crazy.
01:15:49Yeah, no, I know.
01:15:50You don't leave when your guy's got heat.
01:15:53You know, the buzz was that he was,
01:15:54he was too tall to be a star,
01:15:56but I don't know how he's got the fucking goods.
01:15:58I mean, for us, it's kind of weird,
01:15:59because we're not really,
01:15:59we don't rep a lot of actors,
01:16:00it's mainly athletes.
01:16:01Mm-hmm.
01:16:02I think he could put asses in the seats for sure.
01:16:06Okay.
01:16:09Don't put you up to this.
01:16:15No, it's good.
01:16:16It's funny.
01:16:17Was it Dunny?
01:16:17It had to have been Dunny.
01:16:18What the fuck else would it be?
01:16:19He knew you guys were coming out here,
01:16:21but how would he know that I work here?
01:16:23Fucking dicks.
01:16:26It's funny.
01:16:27It's a good bit, but,
01:16:30you know,
01:16:32the jig's up.
01:16:34What's he talking about?
01:16:38Buddy, I,
01:16:39what are you doing?
01:16:41What, um, okay,
01:16:42what are you doing?
01:16:45Okay, because you're talking about Dave.
01:16:47Okay, you're talking about my guy.
01:16:50And here's the thing,
01:16:51dipshit,
01:16:51it's not that he's too tall to be a star,
01:16:54because he is a star,
01:16:54because I made him a star, okay?
01:16:57He's too tall to be a superstar.
01:16:59The T Cruises,
01:17:00the Brad Pits.
01:17:03And I just started to fucking accept this.
01:17:07Okay, buddy,
01:17:08I don't know what the hell's happening here,
01:17:10but...
01:17:11Dude, please,
01:17:13honestly,
01:17:13I know you came up here to look at the leaves,
01:17:15so just enjoy it.
01:17:16Dude,
01:17:16drink a craft beer.
01:17:18Check out the car.
01:17:18I didn't mean to upset you, okay?
01:17:20I'm just...
01:17:20Upset me.
01:17:21You think I'm fucking upset?
01:17:22You think this is upset?
01:17:23You think I,
01:17:23what do you think?
01:17:24You think I feel threatened?
01:17:25You think I feel threatened?
01:17:27Because I'm pouring your drinks
01:17:29and talking about fucking minerally whites,
01:17:31you think that
01:17:31I don't have the gravitas to bury you?
01:17:34You don't think that?
01:17:35You don't think that?
01:17:35Because what I'll do,
01:17:36I'll shove my gravitas up your ass,
01:17:38you dirty cunt.
01:17:39All right, listen, pal,
01:17:40first off,
01:17:40this is inappropriate.
01:17:41It's inappropriate.
01:17:42Yeah, yeah,
01:17:42and if you want to go outside,
01:17:43we can do that.
01:17:45If I want to go,
01:17:46sit down,
01:17:47because here's the deal.
01:17:49Your shit dick agency
01:17:50won't ever rep another actor
01:17:53not named Corey
01:17:53for the rest of...
01:17:54Fuck it,
01:17:55have Joey Lawrence.
01:17:56Let me give you the guy
01:17:57that hosted Double Dare,
01:17:58okay?
01:17:59And we call Zatiphan,
01:18:00okay?
01:18:00But then,
01:18:01what I'm gonna have you do
01:18:02is I'm gonna have you
01:18:03get on all fours next,
01:18:04and I'm gonna have you crawl.
01:18:05I'm gonna have you crawl
01:18:06to get to a place
01:18:07where I'm gonna even entertain
01:18:09the thought of letting you
01:18:10suck my dick,
01:18:11okay?
01:18:12Because I'm coming back,
01:18:13and I'm taking them all with me,
01:18:15because this place
01:18:15is fucking dead anyway.
01:18:21I'm...
01:18:21Hey,
01:18:22dinner's on me.
01:18:25I'm assuming he's fired.
01:18:27Yeah,
01:18:27I'm assuming he quit.
01:18:30So,
01:18:30same thing.
01:18:34You fooled me.
01:18:35You can't fool yourself,
01:18:37or you can try,
01:18:38but it'll go away so long.
01:18:40So fuck it.
01:18:41So fuck it.
01:18:42There's fucking still so much...
01:18:43Listen,
01:18:43there's still so much to do.
01:18:44There's still so much to do.
01:18:45We can do this.
01:18:46We can fucking do this,
01:18:47but just not now.
01:18:48We can do it later,
01:18:49when we're fucking old,
01:18:50when this is the thing that...
01:18:51We can.
01:18:52We tried.
01:18:52It's just...
01:18:53I'm not done.
01:18:54Nah,
01:18:54shut the fuck up.
01:18:55Shut the fuck up.
01:18:56I'm fucking gonna say this.
01:19:17We can't do it.
01:19:21We can't do it.
01:19:22I can't do it.
01:19:23I can't be here.
01:19:29If we're gonna leave,
01:19:30we gotta leave.
01:19:31Like,
01:19:31we gotta go fucking deep into Canada.
01:19:33We gotta go to Istanbul,
01:19:34fucking Morocco.
01:19:35I don't give a fuck.
01:19:38But it's gonna follow me.
01:19:39And I can't get away,
01:19:41and it's not...
01:19:41This isn't...
01:19:42This isn't...
01:19:43This wasn't part of the plan.
01:19:44I was supposed to get away.
01:19:45I was supposed to fucking be...
01:19:46Just slow down.
01:19:46What are you...
01:19:47What are you saying?
01:19:48I don't know what you're saying.
01:19:49What I'm saying is that I spent 10 years...
01:19:5010 years becoming this person.
01:19:53And sure,
01:19:53I fucking...
01:19:54Yeah,
01:19:54I talk about how much I hate him,
01:19:55and I want to fucking kill him sometimes.
01:19:57But...
01:19:58I just don't really want him to die.
01:20:02Okay.
01:20:05Ciao.
01:20:07Bye.
01:20:07Hey, hey.
01:20:11We can do this.
01:20:12We can do this.
01:20:13This isn't going anywhere.
01:20:14We can do this,
01:20:14and I want to do this,
01:20:15and we will do this.
01:20:19But not right now.
01:20:20Can't we just do it when we're old?
01:20:25So you want to go back?
01:20:27I want to go back.
01:20:30Is that crazy?
01:20:32No.
01:20:35No, it's...
01:20:37It's not crazy.
01:20:39Okay.
01:20:41We got...
01:20:43Hey.
01:20:45Hey.
01:20:52You should go.
01:20:53Yeah, I know.
01:20:54It's just...
01:20:54This place isn't...
01:20:58What do you mean you?
01:21:03I did this.
01:21:07I dragged you here.
01:21:09You did this.
01:21:10I did this.
01:21:12We did this.
01:21:14No.
01:21:15Yes.
01:21:18We dragged us out here.
01:21:20And it's just not going to work.
01:21:21And it's not going to work here.
01:21:22And it's fine.
01:21:23That's fucking fine.
01:21:24Because I tried.
01:21:25I fucking tried.
01:21:28I was...
01:21:29The fuck?
01:21:31I don't...
01:21:32I don't know if this is going to sound stupid, and...
01:21:35No, it's fine.
01:21:36I don't have an identity.
01:21:37You don't.
01:21:41Don't pull that shit, dude.
01:21:42I don't have a fucking...
01:21:43Jesus, what are you, fucking 27?
01:21:45Don't make me feel stupid about it.
01:21:46I'm not.
01:21:46I'm just saying.
01:21:47Come on.
01:21:48What am I?
01:21:50My wife.
01:21:54I can't just...
01:21:55I can't just be your wife.
01:21:57What are you saying?
01:21:58That's just...
01:21:59No, but a man...
01:22:00A man...
01:22:00A man can't be my big crowning achievement.
01:22:05Okay, come here.
01:22:06Hey, nobody's saying...
01:22:08That's your fucking crowning achievement.
01:22:13You can do whatever you want.
01:22:15Whatever you want.
01:22:16And I've just...
01:22:19Honestly...
01:22:24We can go get the fucking crown.
01:22:33Hey.
01:22:34Hey.
01:22:40When we were leaving L.A., um...
01:22:42When we were leaving L.A.?
01:22:44Nothing.
01:22:45Just a...
01:22:46What?
01:22:48Nothing.
01:22:49What is it?
01:22:50I didn't think you'd actually come.
01:23:04Well, you fucking know me well, huh?
01:23:10You didn't think I'd come.
01:23:12You didn't think I'd walk.
01:23:14I'm fucking here.
01:23:16Okay?
01:23:20It's not you.
01:23:23You're gonna give me the it's not you, it's me bullshit?
01:23:26It's us.
01:23:32It's not you.
01:23:33It's not you.
01:23:34It's me.
01:23:35You know what that fucking means?
01:23:36That means it's me when you say that bullshit.
01:23:38And don't you think I fucking know it?
01:23:39You don't think I fucking know?
01:23:41You don't think I fucking watch?
01:23:43I watch this shit.
01:23:44I watch me do the things that I do.
01:23:46And you still do them.
01:23:48That's the fucked up thing.
01:24:06I'll take...
01:24:07I'll go to...
01:24:08We can go to therapy.
01:24:09I don't want to go to therapy.
01:24:13What's that gonna do?
01:24:14I'll take fucking drugs.
01:24:16I'll do whatever it fucking takes.
01:24:19I'll take a fucking bullet for you.
01:24:22You know that.
01:24:23I...
01:24:24I just want to be alone.
01:24:27That's it.
01:24:30I just want to be alone.
01:24:33You want a divorce?
01:24:35No, that's not what I'm saying.
01:24:37That's not...
01:24:37I didn't say that.
01:24:43Don't you want to live on these opposite sides of the country?
01:24:47I don't know.
01:24:48I don't...
01:24:48I don't know.
01:24:49I don't know.
01:24:50I...
01:24:50Maybe...
01:24:51Like, for a little...
01:24:53Bit?
01:24:54I don't know.
01:24:56Oh, that'll look good.
01:24:57What?
01:24:59That'll look good?
01:25:02I am so sick of fucking giving a shit about what things look like.
01:25:07I've spent my whole life worrying about what things look like.
01:25:10That's all I do.
01:25:10It's all I...
01:25:11It's all I do is worry about what it looks like.
01:25:13And on the outside, everything's great.
01:25:14And on the...
01:25:14On the inside...
01:25:17I'm fucking falling apart.
01:25:21And I just want to, like...
01:25:23I want to actually like the person who's on the inside.
01:25:27I want to actually, like, enjoy and accept this person.
01:25:30Like, just for the moment.
01:25:31And maybe with a fucking smile on my face.
01:25:35For, like, a second.
01:25:37That's all I want.
01:25:43Oh, fuck, man.
01:25:49I thought I was a selfish one this whole time.
01:25:52That's some shit, huh?
01:25:55Oh.
01:26:14Oh, fuck, man.
01:26:46We'll help.
01:26:47We'll help.
01:26:48Doctor?
01:26:51What happened?
01:26:52I fucked up.
01:26:53Oh, fuck.
01:27:19You come home late and you come home early
01:27:25You come home big when you're feeling small
01:27:29You come home straight and you come home curly
01:27:38Sometimes you don't come home at all
01:27:42Sometimes you don't come home at all
01:27:44So what in the world's come over you?
01:27:52And what in heaven's name have you done?
01:27:58You've broken the speed of the sound of loneliness
01:28:05You're out there running just to be on the run
01:28:12Well, I got a heart that burns with a fever
01:28:18And I got a worried and a jealous mind
01:28:24Well, how can a love that'll last forever
01:28:28How can a love that'll last forever
01:28:32Get left so far behind
01:28:38So what in the world's come over you?
01:28:44So what in heaven's name have you done?
01:28:51You've broken the speed of the sound of loneliness
01:28:58Get out there running just to be on the run
01:29:01There's a great time
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