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00:00What funeral practices from the 1960s have we quietly forgotten?
00:04A lot of the rituals that shaped how families said farewell in the 1960s have slipped out
00:09of memory, replaced by services that take an hour and end with a quick lunch.
00:13So you and I are going to walk through 14 of them, the customs that filled every American
00:18parlour when somebody passed.
00:19So let us walk through these forgotten funeral practices from the 1960s, starting with what
00:25happened the very moment somebody died inside the family home.
00:28Number 14 is the body laid out in the front parlour of the house.
00:32You walked through the screen door and there she was.
00:34The casket sat on two wooden sawhorses where the Christmas tree used to stand.
00:39The wood draped in black cloth that smelled like mothballs from the attic.
00:43Lamps turned low.
00:44Heavy curtains pulled tight against the afternoon sun.
00:47The whole room smelled like white carnations and furniture polish.
00:50By the 1960s the home wake was already on its way out, but plenty of families still brought
00:55their dead home for one last night, especially in farm country and small towns.
01:00The undertaker did the embalming at his shop and dropped the body off in the morning.
01:04Faulting chairs lined the walls.
01:06Aunts whispered in the kitchen, peeling potatoes for the wake supper.
01:09Today you would not even consider it.
01:11You meet at a funeral home, sit for an hour in a rented chapel and head home for dinner.
01:15Have you ever stood in a living room where the dead were laid out on the same rug you
01:19used to play on as a kid?
01:21Number 13 is stopping every clock in the house.
01:23The minute the doctor pronounced her gone, somebody would walk through every room and
01:26stop every clock at the exact time of death.
01:28You heard the mantel clock go silent first, then the kitchen wall clock, then the wind-up
01:33alarm on the bedside table.
01:34The house got so quiet you could hear the icebox humming.
01:37People believed time itself paused out of respect for the dead, and the still hands of every clock
01:42told visitors the exact minute the soul had left the body.
01:45It was a habit carried over from the old country, brought into American homes by Irish and German
01:50grandmothers who never thought of it as superstition.
01:52Today, the clock on your phone never even blinks when somebody dies.
01:56Your calendar keeps marching.
01:58Your alarm still goes off at 6 the next morning.
02:00Have you ever walked into a house where every clock read the same time?
02:04Frozen on the hour, somebody you loved slipped away.
02:07Number 12 is covering every mirror in the house with black cloth.
02:10You walked from room to room with a stack of folded sheets, draping the hall mirror,
02:14the dresser mirror, the powder room mirror, even the little compact on the vanity.
02:18Some folks said it was so the spirit would not get trapped in the glass on its way out.
02:22Others said it kept the family from worrying about their own appearance during a time when
02:26vanity felt sinful.
02:27Either way, every reflective surface got covered the same way you might cover furniture when
02:31you closed up a summer house for the winter.
02:33Today, nobody touches the mirrors.
02:35You fix your makeup before the service, check your tie in the rear view on the drive over,
02:40and snap a photo of the flowers for Facebook.
02:42Did your grandmother ever drape a sheet over the hall mirror without ever explaining why
02:46she was doing it?
02:47Number 11 is the widow wearing solid black for a full year.
02:51You ran into her at the grocery store six months after the funeral, still dressed head
02:55to toe in dark wool, black stockings, black gloves in summer, a small hat with a half veil
03:00that hid her eyes when she paid the butcher.
03:02By the 1960s, the rigid Victorian rules had loosened, but pieces of the old mourning code
03:07were still being followed by widows across small town America.
03:11She was not supposed to attend dances.
03:13She skipped weddings and Christmas parties.
03:15She switched to grey or lavender only after the calendar had turned a full year.
03:19Today the rules are gone.
03:20A woman buries her husband on Tuesday and is back at her desk in a navy blouse by the following
03:26Monday and nobody whispers.
03:27Did you ever know a woman who wore black past the funeral?
03:31Through every season for an entire year?
03:33Number 10 is the black armband worn by the men of the family.
03:37You spotted it, pinned to the left sleeve of his suit jacket, a strip of black crepe about
03:42three inches wide.
03:43He wore it to work for 30 days.
03:45He wore it to church on Sundays.
03:47He wore it under his overcoat all winter and the boss let him keep his hat on at his
03:51desk because everybody knew his father had just died.
03:54The armband was the male version of the widow's black dress, a way of telling the world to
03:58be a little softer with him for a while.
04:00By the late 1960s, the armband was mostly gone, kept alive only by traffic cops, military
04:06officers and a few old school Italian and Polish families.
04:09Today the only place you see one is on a football jersey honouring a teammate.
04:13Did your grandfather ever sit down at the dinner table with a black armband on his sleeve and
04:18never say a word about who it was for?
04:20Number 9 is the funeral procession that stopped every car in town.
04:23You were riding home from school and out of nowhere, a long line of black cars came rolling
04:28down the main road, headlights on in the middle of the afternoon.
04:31Your father pulled the station wagon over to the curb without saying a word.
04:35He took off his hat.
04:36The men at the gas station stopped pumping.
04:38The kids on the sidewalk stopped jumping rope.
04:40Even the radio in the car seemed quieter.
04:43In the 1960s, pulling over for a passing funeral procession was the universal way to show respect
04:48for a grieving family and nobody had to explain it to you.
04:50The lead car had a little orange flag on the fender.
04:53The last car had two.
04:55Today most drivers blow right past a procession, cut in between the limousines and honk if the
04:59hearse slows them down.
05:01Have you ever sat in a car with your dad while he pulled over and took off his hat for
05:04a stranger
05:05he had never even met?
05:06Number 8 is the open casket being the standard, not the exception.
05:10You walked up the aisle of the parlour and there she was, propped on a satin pillow,
05:14hands folded over a rosary, lipstick, a shade too pink.
05:17Her glasses sat on the side table, in case the family wanted them put back on.
05:21People filed past, leaned down, and many of them actually kissed her forehead before stepping aside.
05:27The classic 1960s American funeral was built around the embalmed body on display,
05:31with the casket open from the start of the wake through the beginning of the service.
05:35Closing it early was considered odd.
05:37Today more than half of American funerals are cremations, which means no casket and no body at all.
05:42You see a framed photo on an easel and an urn on a table.
05:46Have you ever leaned down and kissed the cold forehead of somebody you loved more than anyone
05:50else in the world?
05:51Number 7 is the little prayer card slipped into your hand at the door.
05:55You came in out of the cold, signed the leather guest book with a fountain pen,
05:58and the funeral director handed you a card, the size of a playing card.
06:02On the front, a picture of Jesus, or the Sacred Heart, or a guardian angel leading a child
06:06across a wooden bridge.
06:07On the back, her name, her birthday, the day she died,
06:11and the 23rd Psalm in tiny print.
06:13The funeral prayer card came out of the older Catholic holy card tradition,
06:16and by the 1960s nearly every Christian funeral handed them out, not just Catholic ones.
06:21You tucked it in your wallet.
06:22Your grandmother tucked hers in her Bible right next to the bookmark.
06:25Today, most services skip the prayer card,
06:28and send a digital memorial link by text message the next morning.
06:31Did your mother have an old shoebox in her closet,
06:33stuffed with these little cards from every funeral she ever attended?
06:36Number six is the all-night vigil where somebody always stayed awake with the body.
06:41You arrived at midnight with a thermos of coffee and a deck of cards.
06:44Two uncles were already sitting in the parlour in their Sunday suits, jackets unbuttoned,
06:50ties pulled loose at the collar. The coffin lay open against the far wall. Nobody was crying anymore.
06:55Somebody told a story about the time the deceased got chased by a goat at the county fair in 1937,
07:00and everybody laughed too loud. The tradition of keeping watch all night came from the old Irish wake,
07:06and the original idea was to make sure the person was actually dead before you buried them.
07:10By the 1960s the medical reason was long gone, but the all-night vigil stayed alive,
07:15mostly as an excuse for family to swap stories, pour whiskey and stay close.
07:19Today you go home at 9, the funeral home locks the doors, and the body sits in a cold room
07:25until morning.
07:25Have you ever stayed up until sunrise telling stories about somebody who was lying in a casket six feet
07:30away from you? Number five is the death notice in the morning newspaper. You opened the Sunday
07:35paper to page four, and there it was, three or four short paragraphs in formal language.
07:40Mary Elizabeth O'Brien, beloved wife of the late Thomas O'Brien,
07:44departed this life on Friday at her residence. The notice listed the children, the grandchildren,
07:50the church where the service would be held, and the cemetery where she would be laid to rest.
07:54The whole town read it over their morning coffee, which is how the mailman knew to bring flowers,
07:59how the milkman knew to leave a sympathy card, and how distant cousins in the next county over
08:03found out at all. Today you find out somebody died because their daughter posted a photo on
08:08Instagram with a teary caption, or because you scrolled past a Facebook tribute three weeks later.
08:14Did your father ever sit at the breakfast table and read the obituaries out loud,
08:18going through them name by name? Number four is the massive standing floral sprays that filled the
08:23entire chapel. You walked in and the smell hit you before you saw anything.
08:28Lily's gladiolas, carnations stuck into oasis foam in the shape of a cross, an open bible,
08:35or a pair of folded hands. Some of the sprays stood six feet tall on wire easels,
08:40a ribbon across the front read beloved mother, or from the Knights of Columbus Council 412.
08:47Sending flowers was how a neighbour, a co-worker, or a local business showed up when they could not show
08:52up in
08:53person. And the bigger the spray, the bigger the statement of respect. Today the standard line in
08:58the obituary is, in lieu of flowers, please make a donation to, and the chapel often holds nothing
09:04but a single arrangement on the altar. Did your grandmother ever count the floral sprays at a funeral
09:09the same way some people count Christmas cards on the mantle? Number three is the casserole brigade that
09:14took over the family kitchen. You came home from the cemetery exhausted, opened the front door,
09:19and the entire house smelled like fried chicken and onions. The dining room table was buried under
09:24aluminum pans, tuna noodle casserole, green bean casserole, a jello mould with shredded carrots
09:31floating inside it, a ham still warm from the oven, two pies and a chocolate cake under a glass dome.
09:37Neighbours and church ladies had been dropping food off all afternoon, each dish wrapped in foil with a strip
09:43of masking tape that read, Mrs Murphy, return when empty. The unspoken rule was that a grieving family
09:49should not have to think about cooking for at least a week. Today people post in the Facebook
09:54neighborhood group asking if they should send a DoorDash gift card instead. Have you ever opened a
09:59refrigerator so packed with casseroles that you could not even close the door? Number two is the
10:04children being expected to attend, view, and even kiss the deceased. You were seven years old, dressed in
10:10your stiff Sunday clothes, and your mother gently pushed you forward toward the casket. You looked
10:15down at your great-grandfather and you could see the powder on his cheeks and the slight shine of
10:20the funeral home cosmetics on his nose. Your mother whispered, say goodbye, and you reached up and touched
10:25his hand, which was cold and felt nothing like a hand. In the 1960s, hiding death from kids was
10:31considered a mistake. Children went to the wake. Children went to the cemetery. Children watched the dirt hit
10:37the lid. Today many parents debate for weeks whether their 12-year-old is even old enough to
10:42attend a graveside service. Do you remember the first time somebody told you to lean down and kiss
10:48a dead relative on the forehead? Number one on our list is the funeral home itself looking like a
10:53private Victorian mansion. You drove up the gravel driveway and the building looked like the biggest
10:58house in town. White columns out front, a wraparound porch, lace curtains in every window. A small sign on
11:05the lawn that read Murphy and Sons, established 1922. You walked in and the front rooms were
11:10furnished like a grandparents' parlor, with green velvet sofas, oriental rugs, and a grandfather
11:15clock ticking in the corner. There was no fluorescent light. There was no chapel that looked like a hotel
11:20conference room. The whole industry was built on the idea that a funeral home should feel like a house,
11:25because for most of American history, that is exactly what it was. That family-owned look started
11:30disappearing in the late 1960s, when big national chains began buying up the little neighborhood
11:35funeral homes and turning them into something that felt more like a chain restaurant. Today,
11:40most funeral homes are owned by one of two or three giant corporations. The parlors are gone,
11:45and the green velvet has been replaced by beige carpet and recessed lighting. Did your hometown have
11:50one of those big old funeral home mansions where the funeral director also lived upstairs with his wife
11:55and kids. So those are the 14 funeral practices that shaped the 1960s but barely show up anywhere
12:00today. A lot of it disappeared after a journalist named Jessica Mitford published a book in 1963
12:05called The American Way of Death that ripped the curtain back on the funeral industry and changed
12:10how Americans thought about goodbye forever. The rest of it faded the way most rituals do, slowly.
12:16One generation at a time, until your own kids ask why grandma starts crying when she sees a black
12:21armband on a baseball jersey during the Sunday game. Now I want to hear from you. Which one of
12:27these brought a memory rushing back? Did your family stop the clocks the minute somebody passed?
12:32Did your grandmother wear black for a full year without ever explaining why?
12:35Did you ever lean down and kiss the cold forehead of somebody you loved more than anyone else in the
12:40world? Drop the story in the comments because somebody else watching this video grew up exactly the way
12:45you did and they need to know they were not the only ones who remember. If this took you back
12:49to a place
12:50you have not been in a long time, hit the like button, subscribe so the next nostalgic walk
12:55shows up in your feed and share this with the one person in your family who remembers all of this
12:59better than anyone else. Thank you for sitting here with me today, I will see you in the next one.
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