- 21 saat önce
Celebrity Gogglebox - S08E01
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00:01What tune is this now?
00:02Dish going through, you know?
00:03Yeah, I thought it was, did you?
00:06Yeah, man. I want some lights like that.
00:09Where'd you get them from?
00:11I don't know. Where'd you get them from?
00:12I can't remember.
00:13I got them when I was out.
00:15Scam.
00:17No.
00:18One of them...
00:21...baby big...
00:21That's it. Oh, yeah.
00:23One of them...
00:26...big shops.
00:30Who comes the world?
00:34That was a clue, my hook!
00:37Oh, we're not seeing an erection, are we?
00:38Oh, my God, can you imagine?
00:40Here we go, high-octane stuff.
00:44I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have.
00:46I'm already vibrating.
00:48African greys are notorious.
00:50They're the worst-behaved parrots.
00:53No!
00:54No.
00:55No.
00:56Absolutely not.
00:57No, no, no, no.
00:57Absolutely not.
00:58It's got an airy crack.
01:00Well, what?
01:01Oh, Nigel.
01:02Let's give up this showbiz life
01:04and go and live on a canal boat.
01:07Yeah.
01:07In the week, Tarval and Dean were given gongs
01:10for services to ice-skating.
01:12We enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:16Danny Dyer was enjoying a mucky book in Rivals.
01:19He dragged them slowly up her leg and under her skirt.
01:23The wet sap of the leaf joining Cecily's ecstasy.
01:26Have you ever read erotic literature?
01:29Only when I'm the subject.
01:31What?
01:33Oh, right, okay, I get, like, fan...
01:35What do they call that? Fan fiction?
01:36Fan fiction, yeah.
01:37Someone did a fan fiction about us one time.
01:40Someone.
01:41Guilty.
01:43Finally, it was all over on ITV.
01:50My sister and I, like, put on a show, didn't we?
01:53We loved a little, like, we'd learn something,
01:56a song or a dance and make you watch it.
01:57Yeah.
01:58How annoying is that, as a parent,
02:00when the kid's like, watch this,
02:02and they just do something, like, completely mediocre?
02:04Well, you just have to go along with it, don't you?
02:06Keep them humble.
02:07Keep them humble and keep them real, yeah.
02:10Most millennial thing you've ever said.
02:13And Matt was back putting some mini brain boxes to the test.
02:17And remember, all our questions have been tested out
02:19on a cross-section of the British public, not just kids.
02:22So this is one that 90% of our survey got right.
02:25Let's see how you do.
02:27Like, if you asked me about something like Henry VIII's wives,
02:30I'd be all over it, like, wait on rice, cos that's...
02:32Fifth wife.
02:33Er, first was Catherine of Aragon,
02:35second was Anne Boleyn,
02:36third was Jane Seymour,
02:38fourth was Anne of Cleves,
02:40fifth was Catherine Howard,
02:43sixth was Catherine Parr.
02:45Nice.
02:46So if we got the Tudors, I'd be fine,
02:48but, like, anything about tectonic plates or anything like that...
02:59In Kent...
03:00So I've been working on my chocolate fondant recipe lately.
03:02OK.
03:03I've figured out, right, that if you take the tin,
03:07you butter it up,
03:08and if you put it in the freezer first,
03:10you get more of a cakey effect.
03:12Harry and Matt...
03:13I just, I've got to, cos you said fondant,
03:15I'm just thinking of fondant fancies.
03:17Pink fondant fancies, in my pit out there,
03:19I think that's the best cake out there.
03:22Are you making them?
03:23No, no, just not.
03:24Or are you getting them from the shelf?
03:24Off the shelf, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:26Have you tried to make them?
03:27Nah, it feels like a very...
03:28If I'm going to make a cake, that's like,
03:30that's not an entry-level cake, is it?
03:31I'm going to go in for, like, a Victoria sponge.
03:32I'm going to make a fondant fancy.
03:34It's like, got this, like, four different items straight away.
03:37Ah.
03:37But I just think, two things.
03:38Firstly, pink fondant fancies or French fancies,
03:41the best cakes out there.
03:42Yeah.
03:43Secondly, the other ones, you know,
03:45you get the brown ones and the yellow ones.
03:46Yeah.
03:47Why are they in the box?
03:48This week, there was an extra special episode of this
03:52to test the nation on ITV.
03:54Do you know what I also think, though?
03:55The 1% club, yeah.
03:56A lot of people are quite thick, aren't they?
03:59So 1%, the general population,
04:02you can straight away, you can eliminate, like, 50% straight away.
04:04So it's more likely...
04:06Mate, you want to try and get past 50%?
04:08I reckon we'll do as well as we always do.
04:11What, like?
04:11Not very well.
04:13Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:14Apparently, the producer of the 1% votes reform.
04:21I've heard that from someone who knows.
04:27Oh, look at the kids, little brain boxes.
04:30Do you watch the 1% club with your family?
04:33If so, do your kids do better than you?
04:34I wonder if they've got the Dow school to do this.
04:37Maybe it might have happened in half-term.
04:39Correct.
04:40Or for the holidays.
04:42We are about to find out,
04:43because tonight all our contestants are kids
04:45aged from 9 to 15.
04:47Terrible suit she's wearing.
04:49It doesn't fit, and it doesn't match the jacket and the trousers.
04:53Now, tonight we are not playing for money.
04:54Oh, that's a shame.
04:55Ooh!
04:56Sorry, kids, there are certain TV rules
04:58about giving kids 100 grand.
05:00Why? Why can't they give the kids 100 grand?
05:02Oh, she's fuming that one.
05:03She's like, they're fucking joking.
05:04But anyone who gets to the end
05:06and answers the 1% question correctly
05:07will win an amazing two-week holiday
05:09for them and their family
05:11to Walt Disney World in Florida.
05:13Have we beat Disney World?
05:16Yeah, we have.
05:17That's literally my dream.
05:18How do I enter?
05:19What's the age limit?
05:20That's sick.
05:21Oh, my God, I've got my tattoo.
05:23OK, it's time for our first question.
05:26Oh, God, here we go.
05:27Are you sure you don't want to do a team game?
05:29No.
05:29I think it's more fun if we compete.
05:31OK, of course.
05:32OK.
05:33So this is one that 90% of our survey got right.
05:36Let's see how you do.
05:37So 90% of people know the answer to this.
05:40This is how it works.
05:40You get it?
05:41Mm-hmm.
05:41Which of the options is not used in the image below?
05:44I don't get that.
05:45Time starts now.
05:46Which of the options is not used in the image below?
05:48I don't know what that means.
05:49Oh, right, yeah.
05:50C, isn't it?
05:51There's no orange triangle.
05:52Oh, my God.
05:53You were quick.
05:55Yeah, you're right.
05:55You just require eyesight.
05:57If you have functioning eyes, you get this right.
06:00Do you know what I mean?
06:02Is that supposed to be Disneyland?
06:05Well, it looks like it, doesn't it?
06:06You know what I mean?
06:08We lost none of you.
06:09Yay!
06:10Oh, you might have lost me.
06:12Don't celebrate, guys.
06:13Do you know what I mean?
06:14So it's time for the 60% question.
06:17The 60% question.
06:18This is where it gets tougher.
06:20If A equals Z, B equals Y, C equals X, and so on, which of the following is correct?
06:27What?
06:29Oh, Christ.
06:30I hate ones like this.
06:31I hate you talking whilst I'm trying to figure them out.
06:37Oh, is it going through the alphabet?
06:38Yeah, so you've got to...
06:39Oh, it's reverse.
06:40It's reverse.
06:41Yeah, it's all reverse.
06:42A, B, C, D, E, F, G...
06:43It's A or C.
06:44OK.
06:47Right, so...
06:48All equals Z.
06:49Well, that can't be correct, because A equals...
06:51Oh, A equals Z.
06:52Yeah, that just makes sense.
06:53Oh.
06:54Oh!
06:55I just smashed it, and I got it before you did.
06:57A, final answer.
06:58I mean, I'd probably deliberately get it wrong just so I could go home.
07:03Go and play with my guinea pigs at that age.
07:05Yeah.
07:09I think it's yet is big.
07:11Let's see who got it right.
07:13That's difficult.
07:14I don't think I'm right.
07:15I think...
07:15I haven't got time for this.
07:18Oh, these kids look nervous.
07:20They're killing them with blue.
07:22Oh, gosh.
07:23It was like the Hunger Games.
07:24It was awful.
07:28Wow.
07:28We lost 33 kids.
07:30Oh, this is going to be a short show.
07:33That's brutal.
07:33How can you show your face at school the next day?
07:36That was a massive...
07:36Absolute idiot, bruv.
07:39It is A, all equals zoo.
07:42Yeah.
07:42Yay!
07:43Did we get it right?
07:44We are now down to the 20% question.
07:4720%.
07:48Oh, 20%.
07:48If I get this right, I'm going to freak myself out.
07:52What do you get if you solve the puzzle below?
07:55I can't read that.
07:57Oh, my God.
07:58Oh, I'm terrible at this stuff.
08:02Can you find the animal hidden in this question?
08:08What fucking animal?
08:10Where?
08:14Camel.
08:15Camel.
08:15Camel?
08:15No, it's not camel.
08:17Cannimal.
08:18Cannim...
08:19Crocodile.
08:20It's a crocodile.
08:24Anamilo?
08:25Italian for animal?
08:26Camel?
08:27Camel?
08:27No, no, no, no.
08:28Fucking dolphin mammal.
08:29Fuck.
08:30Is it?
08:30Why is there so many letters all jumbled up?
08:31It's horrible.
08:32Oh, Lord.
08:33Lion.
08:34Rhino.
08:34Let's have a look at the answer.
08:36It's crocodile.
08:38There it is in red.
08:39What?
08:39I thought it was together.
08:41What?
08:41Well, I would have got it if you weren't sat next to me fidgeting.
08:45After whittling down the kids here in the studio, we are left with the 1% question.
08:50Whittling down the kids.
08:52That's a bit harsh.
08:53Yeah, it sounds like a weird album.
08:56This is your 1% question.
08:58Come on, let's go for the 1% then.
09:00Come on.
09:01Let's beat this nine-year-old.
09:04Oh, jeez.
09:05What number replaces the question mark in this pyramid?
09:09Nine is half of 18.
09:11So, 10 plus...
09:1216, it's going to be double 18.
09:14It's going to be 36.
09:15Four?
09:16No, 18.
09:17Nine.
09:17Ten.
09:18Eight.
09:19Eight.
09:19Ten.
09:20Nine, seven.
09:22Ten, eight.
09:23What the fuck is that?
09:28It's seven.
09:30No, it's not.
09:32I don't know what's going on here.
09:33Four, add 1040.
09:35I'd be planning a different holiday.
09:37I'm out.
09:38It's 13, it's 13.
09:44What the fuck is it?
09:47I'm going to go five.
09:49Oh, you're a willy.
09:50It's not five, it's...
09:52Four plus seven, it's 13.
09:56I'm well annoyed.
09:57What is it, 11?
09:58It's 11.
09:59I'm well annoyed.
10:00Right, your answers are locked in, so you can't change it.
10:02So we may as well ask what you put, starting with Elena.
10:05I guessed eight.
10:06I was going to say eight, but they've said eight.
10:08Ollie.
10:09Ten.
10:10Ellie.
10:10Thirteen.
10:11Finley.
10:12Thirteen.
10:13Thirteen?
10:14But we can't just throw a 13 in there.
10:15There's no...
10:17They're all nines and eights and sixes.
10:19Where are you getting a 13 from?
10:20Oh, they're all different numbers.
10:21They're all different numbers.
10:22Only one's going to meet Mickey Mouse.
10:26Thirteen!
10:28Thirteen!
10:28Thirteen!
10:29Oh, bless him.
10:30Oh, brilliant.
10:31Liv!
10:32You're going to Disney?
10:34Where am I going to Disney, Lee?
10:35It's 13, because each number is the average of the two numbers underneath it.
10:40What's the average...
10:40What does average mean?
10:42Oh...
10:42Well, yeah, I just...
10:44It's...
10:44That's...
10:44They...
10:45Oh, God, I don't know.
10:46What does average mean?
10:48In that context, I haven't got a clue.
10:49No, I don't.
10:50I still don't get it.
10:51I'm going to add that to my CV.
10:52Mm-hmm.
10:521% Club.
10:54Kid's edition.
10:55Kid's edition.
10:58In North London...
11:00But you've got to be careful at your age.
11:02Do you keep hydrated?
11:04I do.
11:04I'm very...
11:05I'm very careful about that.
11:06Yeah.
11:07Julian and his good friend, Nigel.
11:09When I get on my motorbike, you see, and that calls me down.
11:13Don't worry.
11:13Did you come here by motorbike?
11:14I did, yeah.
11:15I got lost, actually, because I don't have a sat-nav on the bike.
11:18You shouldn't.
11:19You can get dial-a-ride and things.
11:22There's special transport for the elderly.
11:26You could come by ambulance.
11:30I'll think of that next time, yeah.
11:33This week, our favourite bloke on a barge was back criss-crossing the nation.
11:38There's something bleak about canals.
11:41Yeah, well, because you've got walls down each side, and it can be quite dark and a bit dreary.
11:47And they're usually in the Midlands, aren't they?
11:49We're from the home of canals, aren't we?
11:51Yeah, because there's more canals in Birmingham than there is Venice.
11:54Mm.
12:00Oh, I love it already.
12:02That's your dream, that is, isn't it?
12:03It's so slow.
12:05It's so mellow.
12:06That's called a lock.
12:07Yes.
12:08That's actually, they're actually sick.
12:09Have you seen, oh, have you seen the one on the Panama Canal?
12:13It, like, goes up here, yeah, it blocks off both ends and it raises up.
12:17The water.
12:18The boat is literally going, like, I don't know, 50 feet.
12:21It's in, it's literally, it is an unbelievable feat of engineering brilliance.
12:25My name's Robbie Cumming.
12:27That's me.
12:28Well, you know Robbie's back.
12:29What's he gonna do this time?
12:31No, no.
12:32Is he gonna go under a low bridge?
12:34Oh, God.
12:36Creating a splash on the bow of my boat.
12:38Wow.
12:39I didn't realize the boat's got wet.
12:41Yeah.
12:41But they do, don't they?
12:43Because they've got, they're on water.
12:45But, I mean, I...
12:49This time, I'm traveling on the Trent and Mersey Canal.
12:53What was the Trent and Mersey episode?
12:55Lean in.
12:56The Mersey, my new home.
12:57Oh, look at the woods, that girl.
13:00There'll be plenty to see.
13:01Will there?
13:02Will there?
13:02Honestly, plenty.
13:03Do you remember when he made granola?
13:05Mmm, I do.
13:12You have to be quite patient for this.
13:15It's not one of my virtues.
13:16No.
13:19Right.
13:19That was my last double lock of the day.
13:23I thought I'd get a bit further, to be honest.
13:25So did we, Robbie.
13:26I like him.
13:27He's got nice teeth.
13:28Has he?
13:28Which I think's important.
13:29I think so, too.
13:30I'm pooped.
13:31I've run out of steam.
13:33So I'm gonna moor up.
13:35What's mooring up?
13:36Just, like, stopping the boat.
13:37Okay.
13:38And tying yourself on the side.
13:39Okay.
13:40Quite close to this motorway, actually.
13:43Oh.
13:44Perfect.
13:45Sleeping in some motorway is not ideal, is he?
13:47Vroom!
13:48Vroom!
13:49Vroom!
13:50Vroom!
13:51Ah!
13:52Vroom!
13:52Vroom!
13:56Vroom!
13:57It's empty.
13:59Right, I'm just taking a little walk in the dark.
14:01Well, it looks like a dogging area to me.
14:05Do you know what I'm saying?
14:06I do.
14:07Just to scare myself a bit.
14:10Oh.
14:11Why?
14:12It's quite close to Halloween.
14:14Spooky season.
14:15What?
14:16What?
14:17Oh!
14:18Oh, no.
14:18Be careful.
14:19And also I'm close to the M6.
14:23Hmm.
14:24A much quicker and more efficient mode of transport.
14:27Considered, by some, one of the most haunted motorways in the country.
15:01Is it?
15:02A bit later the drama continued.
15:07It is off again.
15:08Chug, chug, chug.
15:09Has he got some more locks?
15:10What I want to know is what was the whole purpose of this trip?
15:13And it's around here, near the top of Heartbreak Hill.
15:17Things start to go a bit pear-shaped.
15:19Oh, no.
15:21I was taking the naughty lass over to the offside lock, but once I started moving the boat, it
15:27just got stuck.
15:28You're joking.
15:29He's what they call beached it.
15:31I pushed the barge pole against the concrete on the side.
15:34Right.
15:35It was a little bit too far away to get any purchase.
15:37Go on, push!
15:38Is that what they mean when they say I wouldn't touch you with a barge pole?
15:41Yeah, because there's a saying there.
15:42Yeah.
15:44I get it now.
15:45So I put it into the water itself to try and find something to push off on.
15:49Oh.
15:50Some really soft silt.
15:53Oh, and he's in!
15:57This is why you're tuned into Canal Boat Diaries because at any time something like that
16:01can happen.
16:04And he's going to get like an E.coli from that water for his mouth.
16:08Right, I'm out.
16:09Let's see if I can pull the boat back to the side.
16:12Because right now it is still completely stuck.
16:14I'd call the police, wouldn't you?
16:18And ask for help.
16:19I've got this friend called Jake and he's an odd job man.
16:23He'd come out and do whatever.
16:25Jake.
16:26Send for the staff is what Nigel would do.
16:29Yes, send for the staff.
16:30With the naughty lass freed up, I've decided to use the other lock.
16:36Oh no, is this the other lock?
16:37It never ends.
16:39Oh, Robbie, what a day.
16:40What a day.
16:41What a day.
16:41What a day Robbie's had.
16:42Oh Nigel, let's give up this showbiz life and go and live on a canal boat.
16:48Yeah.
16:56In North London.
16:57I'm a bocky sleeper.
16:59I sleep with my boxers there, I said it.
17:00Oh, okay.
17:01I don't think I could ever go less than bockys.
17:03Good friends Max and George.
17:06I mean this might be a bit TMI, but when you don't have any underwear on,
17:10I've like rolled over.
17:11No, don't because now I'm thinking of it.
17:13And really like hurt myself.
17:16Hurt yourself?
17:17Yeah, I've like rolled over like onto one of my like testicles.
17:21It's a lot that, isn't it?
17:23Do you remember the time when I went for a run?
17:25And I told you about this.
17:27Remember the time when I went for a run when I first moved to London
17:29and my testicles got twisted.
17:30Ended up in A&E.
17:31I had to have an ultrasound on my ball sack.
17:35And then they like untwisted them.
17:37One nearly died from suffocation.
17:40Can you imagine?
17:41How are the twins?
17:41They're all right now.
17:43It's good.
17:43Thanks for asking.
17:44This week, the Orange Factor ramped up on Disney Plus
17:48with our favourite 80s romp.
17:51This might get you going Nigel.
17:53It did, well the first day it did.
17:55A lot of bonking isn't it?
17:56In the stables and wherever.
17:58I loved it.
17:59I kept thinking though, why am I not in it?
18:03You could have been in it, couldn't you?
18:04Well I just thought, and then my wife said to me,
18:06because you're too old.
18:08But there might be a part for a randy granddad.
18:11I get embarrassed me when it comes to romance to you.
18:14Romance or erotica.
18:16Oh erotica.
18:17Erotica.
18:18Erotica.
18:18I like a bit of erotica.
18:48Erotica.
18:49Starring.
18:50Erotica.
18:50Can I have a bit of room?
18:52Look at that pillow.
18:53Stop looking at me like that.
18:54It really sounds like a you problem.
18:56Morning Susie.
18:58Hi.
18:59Morning Mrs Barriger.
19:00Come on Lizzie.
19:01Here you go.
19:02Can you please not broadcast the fact that I've forgotten my scripts?
19:06He's such a wanker.
19:07So Lizzie's married to him James, but she's having an affair with Freddie.
19:09They've got a bit of a forbidden life.
19:11And that's Danny Dyer?
19:11Yes.
19:12Okay.
19:13This is a rehearsal, Lizzie.
19:14I have to make notes about my character.
19:15He seems like an absolute great guy.
19:18Relatable, down to earth, nice hairstyle.
19:21Look how long that bit of Petrie is by the way.
19:23Why is that so long?
19:24I mean Lizzie, for once, could you please at least try and be supportive of my career?
19:29Arsehole.
19:30Oh, he is a piece of work, isn't he?
19:32You never argue in front of people.
19:34No.
19:35Is this house supposed to be cock and balls in the hedge?
19:39Oh, that's very good cock and balls.
19:41She leant against the gate.
19:42Her thighs pricked red from the nettles.
19:45Anger stepped towards her.
19:47So he's reading an extract from Lizzie's book that she's just written.
19:50There's something about Danny Dyer, do you know what I mean?
19:52Like, I feel like I would.
19:55Is that weird?
19:56I feel like he's more your type than mine.
20:00That makes sense.
20:01That makes sense.
20:02He dragged them slowly up her leg and under her skirt.
20:05The wet sap of the leaf joining Cecily's ecstasy.
20:08He's getting a bit hot here, isn't he? Look at him.
20:10Oh, we're not going to see an erection, are we?
20:12Oh my God, can you imagine?
20:13With Freddie busy poolside, his love interest Lizzie
20:17bumped into the rest of Freddie's family at the studio.
20:21No Freddie with you tonight?
20:22No.
20:23He's not as much into the bard as I am.
20:25So Mouse is his wife, I love her.
20:27Okay.
20:28That's who I want to be like.
20:29He's absolutely cuckoo about the new swimming pool.
20:33Honestly, I can't tear him away.
20:35Well, she's just popped at his home on his own.
20:37It's not the pool he's interested in.
20:39It's not the pool, it's her book mate.
20:41Oh!
20:43Lizzie.
20:44Oh, Lizzie!
20:45No!
20:46She didn't waste any time, did she?
20:48Straight round her?
20:49Like a pigeon on her chip.
20:52Here we go.
20:53Get your mind!
20:55Oh, look, she knows what she's done.
20:56I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have, I'm already vibrating.
21:02You're bloody brilliant.
21:05Oh, they're not going to start shagging my watch this next to you, are they?
21:10Oh!
21:10Oh, no.
21:14Get in there, boy.
21:15Imagine Danny Dyer bearing down on you.
21:18I couldn't bear that one.
21:19You couldn't do that on an empty stomach?
21:23Oh!
21:25Woo!
21:26Oh, I say.
21:27What is that, mate?
21:28Why am I trying to watch that whilst I'm eating my pizza?
21:33She's got a dairy crack.
21:35Wow.
21:36What?
21:36Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
21:38We don't want to see that.
21:42Are they going to do it in the pool?
21:44No, they're just jumping in.
21:45They're having a fun to swim.
21:46Oh, look at that.
21:47Isn't that great?
21:51Have you ever had sex in a swimming pool, Nigel?
21:53Yes, I think I probably have.
21:55Who was that with?
21:56I'm not going to tell you.
21:57Liza Minnelli.
22:00Of course.
22:01The Duchess of York.
22:05I've got all evening.
22:06I can go through all the celebrities I can think of.
22:09Would you like one of these little biscuits right now?
22:11Shut up.
22:12Just stop talking.
22:16Somehow I'm late.
22:17Oh.
22:18Breasts.
22:19Go on.
22:20I bet Danny Dyer's all right in the sack, right?
22:24Jesus Christ.
22:26Well, he must know his way around the bedroom, right?
22:28Right, all right.
22:28The light over there is quite nice.
22:29This remote has one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
22:35Is that a new plant or has that just always been there, right?
22:37So there's about 30 buttons on this.
22:39Yeah, 30 buttons, yeah.
22:39Yeah, I like that one.
22:40That's quite a good one up there.
22:41That's nice, yeah.
22:42Do you wait to...
22:44That's quite...
22:45Yeah.
22:47One, two, one.
22:50One, two, one.
22:50One, two, one.
22:52One, two, one.
22:52One, two, one.
22:54One, two, one.
22:55One, two, one.
22:57One, two, one.
23:02Well, he needs to be an Olympic diver if he can dive like that.
23:05I swear to you might drown.
23:07What a wonderful way to dive.
23:11Oh, it's a corny one, but we like it.
23:14Danny, he can do no wrong.
23:20Oh
23:26No, oh no, man, that's not good. Look that is it. I need to turn this off. Just do I
23:31have fancy Danny higher
23:32I do it. There's so much magical about him. I think I'd risk it all for him as well to
23:37be there
23:39It's gonna take some time to get rid of that image of Danny dies, but
23:44I
23:44Forgotten about the ones who said that back in my head now. It's just the way the two cheeks were
23:48just
23:49They're just there so close imagine the person's getting that shot by the way
23:53I was just there and the person getting that shot was like the tip like like that. Yeah, it's just
23:58right
24:00Yeah
24:03In South London which number tattoos your favorite
24:07I don't like any of them there was me being so bold by getting little death do us part tattoo
24:12the wedding one
24:13Oh dear Olivia and her mom Jennifer. I live in my first marriage would be
24:19Amazing, but I didn't give me that bad
24:21Right, so I you know I went out there with the earth or death do his part. What do you
24:26mean by first?
24:27I've decided now that I'm gonna get married a few times or
24:31Or engaged because I like the ring. Yeah, yeah engagements are good. So I like to collect like Elizabeth Taylor
24:39Right in this economy. I don't think it's a bad side project on Sunday night pet poochers were sent back
24:45to school again on channel 5
24:47Well, I've got my dog of course. You've never had a pet have you? I had a hamster, but it
24:52killed itself. Oh
24:54Whenever they're being naughty in the park
24:56I was cool. Oh, I'm so sorry the rescues like I got them. No, that's not an excuse
25:01Both of my dogs are rescues. We cannot just say oh, they've had a tough life
25:05You've got them when they were about five, but they were fine. They were fun. You've ruined them
25:13Dogs behaving very badly. Yeah
25:16The naughtiest of naughty and it seems like they're trying to put a little bit of a sexy spin on
25:20it
25:21Yeah, I I get it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah
25:24It's like all right easy at the initiative a little dog like
25:29Very bad
25:31Four-year-old doberman troy
25:34Goes bonkers for brushes
25:36Because he's got the bristles. I can't get them off him when I'm trying to mop the floor my little
25:41remi
25:41She grabs hold of the mop and she does this my drug dealer used to have dobermans
25:46She had to sleeping in the hallway in case case you made a run for it
25:50Let go troy, let go
25:53You need a brush to do all the stables you need a brush to sweep the yard
25:57Has she tried not having them in the stable?
26:00In that stable
26:01Morning
26:02Morning, Graham
26:04Morning
26:04Right
26:05I see your problem
26:07See your problem
26:08Yeah, it's so obvious
26:09Have you ever tried not having the dog when you're sweeping?
26:14He won't let go
26:15No, he won't, will he?
26:16He's good at his job, isn't he?
26:19He's like, he won't let go
26:20All right, well, I'll see you tomorrow, yeah
26:21Day one
26:22Day one sick
26:23Well, it's bad here, but it's worse at home
26:25Really?
26:26Yes
26:26I've got Dwayne to contend with
26:28Who's Dwayne?
26:29Who's Dwayne?
26:31Dwayne, an African grey parrot who's a very naughty boy
26:36I do like parrots, I love parrots
26:37I'd love a parrot
26:38Yeah, me too
26:39I am
26:39Judy Dench's got a parrot
26:40Has she?
26:41My auntie Annie had a parrot
26:43And every time the boss went past the parrot went
26:46Fucking boss
26:48He's very clever
26:50How is he?
26:50He makes a lot of mess
26:51African greys are notorious
26:53They're the worst behaved parrots
26:55Really?
26:56Yeah
27:00Oh, blimey
27:01Dwayne's making a mess everywhere so that's why she's got so many brooms
27:05Can't keep up, will they?
27:07And look, Dwayne's quite happy at the showdown
27:09This is TV for him
27:10Dwayne's loving it
27:11That's entertainment for Dwayne
27:13So I think Dwayne getting entertained by Troy
27:16Is probably encouraging Troy to play more
27:19So it's like a double-ended fist, isn't it?
27:23I mean, chucking seeds out because you know that she's then going to get a brush out
27:27And you know what happens when a brush comes out
27:29And he just sits back and just watches the entertainment
27:32Exactly, Graeme, that's what we were saying
27:34Look at him, Dwayne, you little devil
27:36What a dude
27:38Hey, that parrot can be part of our gang
27:41It's broken
27:44Being in bargains must love this woman
27:46She must be down there about five times a day
27:50That's just another broom gone
27:52The plan is to use a new game with new rules
27:56What's the game?
27:56The broom is lava
27:58If you touch the broom, you're out, all right?
28:01If he doesn't react or he looks and goes
28:03Nah, all of those things will be a reason to say good boy
28:06If he makes the wrong decision, we're going to say game over
28:11Oh, game over
28:12I find it so funny that the only thing wrong with this dog is it just
28:16Fucking hates brooms
28:18So let's just see what happens if I
28:20Good boy
28:21Go on, try
28:21Good boy
28:22Yeah, come on
28:24Oh, yeah, he wants it
28:25Oh, yeah
28:28Game over
28:29Game over
28:30Oh, well done
28:31Oh, shit, okay
28:32She's not messing
28:33Good tone of voice
28:36Oh, she's weaned him off the broomsies onto doors now
28:40That is, it's quite triggering for me to watch, listen to that noise
28:42Because I did all this with Lola and Stitch
28:44But now, Troy appears to prefer the new game
28:49So he's taking himself off to bed
28:51Fine, all right, okay
28:52I'll crack on and do a bit
28:55Look at that, look at that
28:56This guy's a genius
28:58Honestly, Johnny's amazing
29:00Don't go bananas
29:02Now mum's doing it
29:04He's not looking at the brush
29:06He's barking his head off and looking at mum
29:08Oh, she's the problem
29:10I reckon he thinks it's a threat
29:12It's a threat
29:13Let's see
29:13So Graham wants to flip the focus
29:16If he behaves, he can stay near mum
29:19Oh, look, he loves her
29:21That's how I like my dogs to be obsessed with me
29:24Good boy
29:26Okay, tiny bit of a brush
29:27Yeah
29:28That's a bit of progress
29:30And pause
29:31Good boy
29:32Well, you know what?
29:33Brushing one-handed
29:34Yeah, yeah
29:35Difficult to brush one-handed
29:36No, I brush one-handed all the time
29:39Hey
29:39So all she's got to do is not move from that position
29:43And have a doberman attached to her
29:45At two touch points for the rest of her life
29:48Troy is learning that staying calm
29:50Oh, lovely
29:51That's good
29:51Keeps him close to mum
29:53Good boy
29:53Can't help but notice though
29:55The brushing has been heavily affected because of that
29:58Yeah
29:58It's much harder to sort of dual wield everything going on
30:03I hated that by the way
30:05Mission accomplished
30:06Nailed it
30:07Brilliant
30:08Good boy
30:10What?
30:11Has he just solved it?
30:12You love your mum, don't you?
30:13Oh, yeah
30:15Do you have the
30:16Detachment issues from her?
30:18Not when she's sweeping
30:20Charlie jumped up to say hello to me yesterday and she, you know
30:25Oh, no, you've got
30:27You can just call it like that
30:28Let me say hello
30:29Yeah
30:30You've got a dry skin, Nigel
30:32I have
30:33Because I've been lying in the sun
30:35Yeah, well, there's this thing called moisturiser
30:37Oh, yes
30:38Doesn't mean you're a homosexual
30:39But you put it on
30:40Okay
30:41And your skin improves
30:43It's a bit dry, isn't it?
30:52In Essex
30:53There's no place better than finding a
30:55When you find something
30:56You can get a good coffee and a cake
30:57Do you know what I mean?
30:58Yeah
30:58That's why
30:59That's the only reason I ever go for walks, really
31:00Best mates Jordan and Perry
31:03People like to go for walks
31:05To go for a walk
31:06Take in nature
31:07Maybe get my steps up
31:08Not for me
31:09I go with the idea of knowing
31:11At some point
31:13We're stopping for a coffee and a cake
31:15Where are your walks?
31:17Normally shopping centres
31:18Yeah
31:18I was going to say
31:21You're going to the wrong spots
31:23You've been to that beautiful park
31:24I prefer walking around H&M
31:26And then just get the coffee
31:26You're talking about Costa
31:28As well
31:29You know what I mean?
31:30It's not even
31:30You're nowhere near the wilderness
31:33On Saturday night
31:34Top tier talent took to the stage
31:36For the grand finale on ITV
31:39You know what?
31:40I do love rubbish telly
31:41Do you?
31:42Yeah
31:42Imagine life without telly like this
31:45Yeah
31:48Oh my god
31:49It's the final
31:50If I went on Britain's Got Talent
31:51What would you do?
31:52I would
31:52I can get my legs behind my head
31:54Both my legs behind my head
31:55So you think that's impressive at 52?
31:58It's impressive at any age
32:00What would I do?
32:01You'd do a Cher impression
32:02I do impressions
32:04When you're in
32:09It's verging on Sandy Toxvig
32:12In the live episode
32:14Ant and Dec prepared us for the opening act
32:17Okay
32:18I think you're ready
32:19I think you're ready
32:20All right
32:20It's very very dangerous
32:22So please don't try this at home
32:25Okay
32:25Please do not try this at home
32:27Okay
32:27Oh okay
32:28This is going to be horrible
32:29Shall we try it?
32:30Yeah
32:30Well we're definitely
32:31If it's telling us not to try it at all
32:34Oh let's all try it
32:35We're going to have to try it
32:36Shall we try it?
32:43Oh she's one of those
32:45Oh no
32:46Oh
32:47It honestly makes you so nervous when there's fire
32:52Oh that looks quite good
32:54That does look amazing
32:56Oh go on
32:57Oh yes
32:57Cartwheels while on fire
32:59Yeah
33:01And more fire more fire
33:03I love fire
33:06Oh no that's ended
33:07You sound like a payroll mania
33:13She set the duvet alight
33:18There she goes
33:19That looks pretty good actually
33:22Or is that an illusion
33:23Or is it
33:24No no that's surreal
33:25Is she really doing that
33:26Is she
33:30No
33:30On the shoulders
33:32Do you think they've had a lot of practice
33:34I'd like to think so
33:35Yeah I hope so
33:38I only started doing this today
33:48Oh here we go
33:50This looks exciting
33:54Oh no what's she doing
33:56Oh no
33:57Let me guess
33:58Is it going to be on fire
33:59Oh they're going to do the spinny thing
34:00You know when they light up and it spins
34:02That's all it is
34:03Denise is spinny things
34:08I know she's going to do it with her feet
34:10Wow
34:11There's just no need is there
34:12Oh for fuck's sake
34:14Oh no
34:20Oh you can't take your eyes off it
34:25She's got one leg now
34:27One leg
34:27I think if I saw that
34:29I'd be more impressed than seeing it on telly
34:31Yeah
34:34Is that it
34:35It's really is that it
34:40The end
34:41Kiss
34:42Weird that was really
34:43That was a weird ending
34:44A weird ending to a weird show
34:46You like going to circuses
34:48Yeah look
34:48I did it
34:49Yeah
34:49Yeah
34:50Do you
34:52Yeah
34:53I mean
34:53Would you run away to the circus
34:55Well
34:57Joe's old
34:57Joe's dad did
34:58Did he run away to the circus
35:00He used to run away to
35:02Of course he did
35:03That did it
35:03Yeah
35:04But you know
35:04In the 50s 60s whatever
35:07Yeah
35:07No that's
35:08He fucked off with a circus
35:09Yeah man
35:11In London
35:12Sometimes in my iron shirts
35:14I do a couple of buttons up
35:15And you put the shirt on
35:17And then you forget to do the rest of the buttons up
35:20Jennifer and her daughter Beattie
35:23They just go out with us
35:25I was walking around
35:26And I suddenly looked down
35:27I had one button down
35:28In the middle of my shirt
35:31And I thought
35:31Who have I seen
35:33Who have
35:34Where have I been
35:35And no one has said
35:37We can see your bra
35:38And your stomach
35:42On Friday
35:43They were keeping things close to home on ITV News
35:47Snacks
35:49Is that supper
35:50No
35:50That's your starter
35:52Do you know watermelon
35:53Yeah
35:54Put that
35:56Squeeze it on
35:57Squeeze it on
35:57And it's meant to like enhance the flavour of the watermelon
36:00Does me naughty
36:01No I'm so cannot leave the news alone with what's going on at the moment
36:05Well it's just brainwashing isn't it
36:07Because you believe what the news tells you
36:10That's in charge of America
36:12You end up doing what the news tells you to do
36:15Well
36:16Which is a bit weird for me
36:18This is the ITV Evening News
36:20With Lucrezia Millerini
36:22Lucrezia Millerini?
36:24What's that?
36:25Mmm
36:25Wow
36:26Who invented this idea?
36:28Mmm
36:29Now if you're planning to spend your holidays in the UK this summer
36:32You are not alone
36:33The travel trade says there's set to be a staycation boom
36:37I used to always go to my name's caravan in Clacton
36:40And I loved it
36:40I think there's a lot to be said for going on holiday at home
36:43I don't know
36:43When I think about favourite UK holiday destinations
36:46It's got to just be
36:47I just like London
36:50There's lots to do in it
36:51You live in London?
36:51I live in London
36:52It doesn't count as a holiday
36:53You live there
36:54But I'm still yet to actually discover London
36:57You can't just stay where you are and call it a holiday
36:58With holiday makers keen to avoid airport delays
37:01Or disruption caused by the war against Iran
37:04And also all those queues at the
37:05And the queues for their
37:07Yeah because they've got to identify themselves with their passwords
37:10Twice
37:10Because of Brexit
37:11Which leads me to my point
37:13That I think if you voted Brexit
37:15You should be in that queue
37:17And if you didn't vote for Brexit
37:19You should be straight through
37:20Then you should be straight through
37:21Exactly
37:21And go in the quick one
37:22Our consumer editor Chris Choi reports from Bognor Regis
37:25Bognor's lovely
37:26You used to do Bognor
37:27As a kid
37:28In a caravan park
37:29Did ya?
37:30For my holidays
37:30Where is it Wales?
37:32Bognor Regis
37:32I'm not sure where Bognor Regis is
37:34I've heard of it
37:35I don't think I've ever been there
37:36Have you been there?
37:37I don't know
37:38I don't know
37:39You know if you've been Bognor
37:40You know what?
37:41We can Google
37:42What Google it has?
37:44I've not got me
37:45Google
37:45Rising popularity can mean rising prices too
37:49Oh
37:49Are they jacking the prices up in Bognor?
37:51Do the prices up in Bognor?
37:54Oh don't
37:54A 20% year on year increase in average daily rates for short term rentals last month in Cornwall
38:01Can I tell you what it's good for?
38:03It's good for the bloody country mate
38:05Yeah yeah
38:06You know what I mean?
38:06You know what I mean?
38:07We're spending our money at home
38:09Yeah we're right here mate
38:10I eat here
38:11It's around 12% in the Scottish Highlands and 9% in West Wales
38:16Looks like we're going to Wales
38:179%
38:18We're all heading to West Wales
38:19Scotland I back because I love me some Highlands with the dogs
38:23Yeah
38:23There's a holiday question faced by millions this summer
38:26Should I stay or should I go?
38:28You know what?
38:29Can I say I live in an holiday destiny
38:32I like I'm on permanent holiday
38:35Yeah
38:35Well
38:36Imagine that
38:37Yeah
38:37On permanent holiday
38:39I think you've been on a permanent holiday for at least the last 40 years
38:49Yeah
38:50In Manchester
38:51B
38:51I've got you a present right
38:53What is it?
38:54It's a mask
38:55It's a mask
38:56Right
38:56I get it now
38:58I get the concept of it
38:59But it is like
39:00Shaped like
39:01Oh but you know what I realise
39:03Go on
39:04I can see behind me
39:05Sean and Bess
39:07So if you're a spy and you're walking down the road
39:10I spy with one eye
39:11Yeah I know you can see if anyone's following you
39:14Let me look
39:14Let me try
39:15Let me try
39:30No I can't
39:31I can't see behind me
39:33Yeah you haven't got the movement
39:34I have
39:35Oh yeah you know what
39:36I can see me hand behind me
39:38Yeah yeah you might not even know you're looking behind you
39:41Because
39:41That's a point
39:43It's like looking forward but backwards
39:46This week it was the latest instalment of this horror film franchise
39:50That had us scared stiff
39:52Oh I like a bit of a horror film
39:54Do you?
39:54Oh I'm behind the sofa
39:55Are you?
39:56That's what we're watching
39:57What's that?
39:58Scream 7
40:05Scream 7
40:06Scream 7
40:07Scream 7
40:09Scream 7
40:12Scream 7
40:13Scream 7
40:13Scream 7
40:13Scream 7
40:13Oh here we go
40:16The standard opening
40:17Car down a misty lane
40:20Already I'm going
40:22And things are going to be awful
40:23Oh really?
40:24Are you quivering already Nigel?
40:25Holy shit
40:27That was a long drive
40:31Oh that's the house from the old scream
40:34Okay that's the serial killers
40:36The serial killer for the first movie
40:37Okay
40:38It's his house
40:42Oh it's an airbnb
40:43They can rent it out
40:45It's an airbnb
40:46Oh my god
40:47Stop it
40:48A real life murder house
40:51A real life murder house
40:51It's perfect
40:52A lot?
40:53What's it perfect for?
40:54What's it perfect for?
40:54I mean what's it perfect for?
40:54What's it perfect for you weirdo?
40:55Get a life
40:55I stay in a murder house every day
40:58I stay in a murder house
40:58I am
40:59You live in a murder house
41:03F**king murder it is
41:05Shake it out, shake it out.
41:07I feel like I'm going to pee my pants.
41:11Oh, you sick bastard.
41:13I don't know if I'd like it if my boyfriend was, like,
41:15gassed to be at a place where people have been murdered.
41:17Look, people got killed here, darling. What a great night.
41:20I know. Red flag.
41:21What the fuck is wrong with you?
41:22Red flag. Just take it out of a Toby Carvery and fucking calm down.
41:26Yeah.
41:31Scott?
41:32Oh, here we go.
41:33I'm holding on to you. Is that all right?
41:36Yeah.
41:40Scott!
41:41Oh, no.
41:42Where's Scott gone?
41:43Scott's gone missing already.
41:46Oh.
41:51Ah! I said a cardigan!
41:58What did you shout out? Cardigan?
42:03Christ in a cardigan.
42:04Christ in a cardigan.
42:09Oh!
42:10Oh, it's okay.
42:11I thought it was him.
42:12I thought it was him.
42:13So if he's there then, who the bloody hell was that?
42:15I feel sick.
42:16There's somebody in that room with a ghost face mask on.
42:20Do not go in there. Scott!
42:22He's gonna get it now.
42:24He's gonna go do the manly thing.
42:26Yeah.
42:27And investigate.
42:28And then he'll get stabbed.
42:29Yeah. I do hope so.
42:34Oh!
42:34Oh!
42:34You're not gonna die tonight.
42:36Oh, he was fake!
42:38Oh!
42:38She's cause of our old scene over nothing.
42:40Why would you take anyone to this horrible house?
42:44It's not fake.
42:55It's not fake.
42:58That's the murderer.
43:00Is it?
43:00Yeah.
43:01You like scary movies not going to die tonight.
43:05Listen, you little bitch.
43:07I'm gonna slice you open and rip your guts out.
43:10Did you just call me a bitch?
43:11She's upset about being called a bitch.
43:13I'd maybe be more upset about the death threat.
43:15You'd freak out, wouldn't you?
43:16If I got a voice change and I was calling you all the time like that.
43:19Especially if you went high, you little bitch.
43:21Yeah.
43:22Probably.
43:23What about we doing?
43:26Scott?
43:29They never make it in time.
43:31Oh, my God.
43:32I feel sick, George.
43:34Oh, I don't like it.
43:35Where's Scott?
43:44Oh, my God.
43:45It's in the shadows.
43:47Can you see the face?
43:48Can you see it?
43:49Yeah.
43:54Oh, my God.
44:01Oh, my God.
44:03Oh, my God.
44:07Oh, my God.
44:10Oh, my God.
44:13Oh, my God.
44:16Oh, my God.
44:18Oh, my God.
44:19Oh, my God.
44:21Oh, my God.
44:21You idiot fucking dick. Why does he do that who deserves to be killed immediately?
44:29It looked yeah, it's electric. That's what it does. Oh, I still don't this is not right
44:34Is it something you know something's happening here? No, I did move
44:40Different oh no, oh no, oh no, then why are you going up to it you moron?
44:52Oh
44:53My god
44:57Absolutely, you know, I just got knifed in the temple where there are mr
45:06I reckon what you're asking Scott's dad. Yeah. Oh
45:13No, no, no, no, no, no go upstairs
45:15Yes
45:20Come on girl. Whoo. Good girl. She's she's flasty though
45:32See okay. Oh my god, Cirque du Soleil. Oh
45:38No
45:43Oh
45:44Did she fall into the night? Yes, she did. Oh my god, Johnny. It's not good news. Oh
45:53He's setting the place on fire. How kind she's gonna set fire to the house though. What a bastard
46:00Oh
46:06Christ that's how the film begins
46:08That's just the beginning well, I'm exhausted I thought just making that I'm emotionally drained
46:14I might have to go like to have a chocolate. Yes, this will thank you up. Take your mind of
46:19it. Oh
46:28It's Russell T Davises tip-toe the first couple of episodes are streaming now and catch the new one Sunday
46:34at nine
46:34We're getting the party started tonight with Richard E Grant and Shania Twain in a slightly chaotic and manic way
46:40with TFI Friday
46:41Unplugged at five past eleven up next Fred's found a sexy captain bird's eye in new first dates
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