- 10 hours ago
Love Withdrawal - HOT
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Short filmTranscript
00:03roderick ripped my shirt open and froze my back was covered in scars old and new all from whippings
00:11what the hell happened here i misbehaved they punished me for it my voice was flat
00:19like i was talking about someone else's body he stared at the scars he'd never seen
00:24then he said you deserved it he sent me to that place three years ago to cure me of loving
00:34him
00:35i spent three years locked inside that place
00:40now i stopped loving him just as he wanted
00:47then he came running back and said
00:52i regret it
00:56for eight years i was a fixture by side
01:01everyone said i was addicted to him
01:04i was so obsessed with him that i'd run off any woman who got close to him
01:11whatever it took
01:13once i offered one of them money to leave roderick
01:16the woman laughed in my face
01:22being with roderick meant an endless supply of cash
01:26why would anyone walk away for such a pathetic amount
01:31then that woman took a staged fall down a flight of stairs
01:37roderick thought i pushed her
01:42and i ended up being sent to a rehab center by him
01:46others went there to quit smoking drinking or gaming
01:50i was there to let go of roderick
01:53in the end i succeeded only for him to tell me he regretted it
02:00the moment i stepped out of the rehab center
02:02i saw an audi parked there
02:04it looked totally out of place
02:07i glanced at it and lowered my head
02:10preparing to walk away
02:13the person who got out of the car called out to me
02:16it was roderick
02:18he had grown more mature in the last three years
02:22i glanced at him once
02:23then looked away
02:25the staff at the center taught us that staring was rude
02:28especially at someone we liked
02:31yes after three years
02:33i had been completely reformed
02:39roderick told me to get in
02:40i did so
02:43sitting quietly in the back seat
02:48i kept my head down
02:50staring at my lap
02:51and not moving a muscle
02:54roderick sat beside me
02:58i could feel the weight of his intense gaze
03:02the car was dead quiet
03:05i held my breath
03:07scared to make a peep
03:10but a cough escaped me anyway
03:12i've had this cough ever since the hard beatings at the center
03:17roderick glanced at me
03:21frowned
03:23then he turned away and rolled down the window
03:26as if my cough disgusted him
03:28the car pulled up at the dunlap's mansion
03:34roderick's grandmother
03:36maggie dunlop
03:37lived there
03:40it hit me why roderick had come to get me
03:45today
03:46as i remembered
03:47marked her 80th birthday
03:50maggie had always believed i was the one for roderick
03:54the only person who did
03:56also the one who signed the papers to send me into rehab
03:59he got out of the car
04:01didn't wait for me
04:03i hesitated for a second
04:05then blurted out
04:08um roderick
04:12i didn't bring a gift
04:13he stopped
04:15for half a second
04:16i still hoped he might say something like it's fine or my grandma won't care
04:20but
04:21follow me
04:25he walked through the door without looking back
04:27my feet stopped at the steps
04:29i didn't want to go in
04:31my heart was pounding out of my chest
04:35from fear
04:38mari
04:38you're back
04:40come in dear
04:41maggie stood at the front door
04:42her arms half open
04:44waiting for me
04:50i walked toward her
04:52forcing my legs not to freeze up
04:56hello maggie
04:59mari honey
05:00why are you being so distant
05:05you're not mad at me for what happened are you
05:10maggie stroked my hair
05:12her eyes full of affection
05:15i shook my head
05:18her touch felt warm
05:21but it also reminded me of the last time she'd held me
05:26three years ago
05:28in a courtroom hallway
05:29if maggie hadn't threatened to harm herself to save me
05:32i probably would have been sent to jail instead
05:36she saved me from a cell
05:38but rehab was just a different one
05:43she let us inside
05:49the dining room stretched before me
05:53long table
05:55dim yellow light
05:57three place settings
06:00just like the dining hall at rehab
06:05i stopped at the doorway
06:06my feet just wouldn't move
06:08mari
06:10come sit honey
06:12maggie's voice was gentle
06:13but i couldn't make myself step forward
06:18dinner tables were dangerous places
06:26i sat down at the very edge of the chair
06:32roderick took the seat across from me
06:38maggie at the head
06:40the spaghetti was already on the table
06:44i stared at it
06:47the rules from rehab ran through my head
06:49head down
06:51no sound
06:52no reaching for anything else
06:56then i started eating as fast as i could
07:02marianne
07:04marianne
07:06yes sir
07:07i set down my fork and shot to my feet
07:09the chair scraped the floor behind me
07:11no one moved
07:12roderick's hand was frozen mid-air
07:15still holding his fork
07:17maggie's wine glass hovered halfway to her lips
07:20i stared at the silverware i'd lined up straight
07:23then at my plate
07:26it was empty and clean
07:27i just stood there waiting
07:29someone was supposed to tell me what to do next
07:32but no one said anything
07:35the silence was worse than any punishment
07:39then it hit me
07:41i wasn't at the center anymore
07:45my hands started shaking
07:48you scared her you big idiot
07:54maggie's voice cracked
07:55she set down her glass and stared at roderick
07:58her eyes wet
08:00neither of them looked at me
08:01roderick's jaw was tight
08:03he didn't defend himself
08:07sit down mary
08:08you're home now sweetie
08:10just relax
08:12i sat
08:14but i couldn't eat another bite
08:18something about the way they looked at me
08:20or didn't look at me
08:22told me they'd seen it
08:25the girl who walked in three years ago was gone
08:29and the one sitting here now
08:31was someone they didn't recognize
08:36grandma was talking to you
08:38why weren't you listening
08:40roderick's tone was sharp
08:42i couldn't tell if he was mad i'd ignored maggie
08:45or just ticked off about getting swapped
08:51i'm i'm sorry at maggie
08:53i was just very hungry
08:54i didn't hear you
08:55i gave her an apologetic look
08:57the counselors at the center always drilled it into us
09:00apologies have to be sincere
09:03only i knew the truth
09:04it wasn't hunger
09:06it was fear
09:08fear of getting punished for not eating fast enough
09:11or for leaving food on my plate
09:13i vaguely recalled her telling me to try the other food
09:17i'd heard her but i just couldn't react fast enough
09:20so roderick called out to me
09:22by the time dinner was over
09:23my forehead was covered in a light sweat
09:25i wasn't sure if it was from the heat in the room
09:28or my own anxiety
09:29three years in that place had taught me one thing
09:32never let your guard down
09:34not even at a dinner table
09:37after dinner i returned to gromper's old house
09:40thank you for the ride
09:41i gave roderick a small bow
09:44maggie had wanted me to stay the night
09:46but i'd turned her down
09:48i didn't want any more contact with them than i had to
09:51so i'd asked roderick to drive me home
09:53you really want to stay here
09:55roderick frowned
09:56i glanced back at the house
09:59it hadn't been touched in three years
10:01now it was completely overgrown with weeds
10:04but i nodded
10:06i had nowhere else to go anyway
10:08i was flat broke
10:10and the clothes i was wearing were from three years ago
10:13the rehab center had given us uniforms
10:15so these clothes had never even been worn out
10:18i bent down to pull some weeds
10:20the little critters living there scurried away
10:23i saw cockroaches
10:24mice
10:25and a snake
10:26coiled in the corner
10:27too lazy to move
10:28once upon a time
10:30i would have jumped straight into roderick's arms
10:33now
10:33i just stared at them calmly
10:35and looked for a stick to shoo the snake away
10:39roderick pulled me back toward the car
10:45what's wrong
10:46i didn't even realize he was still there
10:48didn't you see that snake
10:50oh right
10:51i'd forgotten roderick hated reptiles
10:55i saw it
10:56it's fine
10:58i'll just shoo it away with a stick
11:00if it bothers you you can just leave
11:02i caught myself reassuring him
11:04i reached for the door handle
11:06ready to hop out
11:07but roderick locked the doors and drove off
11:11i quickly buckled my seat belt
11:19where are you taking me
11:21he didn't say a word
11:22i didn't dare ask again
11:23he took me to his private apartment
11:25he closed the door behind us without a word
11:28i couldn't leave it was a keypad lock
11:30he went straight to the shower
11:32probably trying to wash off the creeps from seeing all those critters
11:36i sat straight on the living room couch
11:39about an hour later
11:40roderick came downstairs in pajamas
11:42his hair still wet
11:44i knew better than to stare
11:45stay here until your place is cleaned up
11:47you can sleep here tonight
11:49i thought about it for a second
11:50then nodded
11:52thank you
11:53that house was a mess
11:55tackling it all alone would have kept me going way past midnight
11:59he walked over
12:01i stood up and stepped aside without thinking
12:04roderick grabbed my chin
12:05forcing me to look at him
12:07so you're over me
12:08his expression was questioning
12:10yes
12:11i didn't hesitate for a second
12:13any delay would have felt like an insult to everything i'd been through
12:17that night
12:18the nightmare returned
12:20in my dream
12:21countless eyes stared back at me
12:25filled with hatred
12:27disgust
12:27and contempt
12:28every single one of them belonged to roderick
12:32the next day
12:33when roderick left for work
12:35i asked him to drop me off downtown
12:40he didn't seem to mind
12:41as long as i wasn't in his way
12:45i hesitated in front of a florist's hiring sign
12:48i didn't have a college degree
12:52i never finished
12:57the shop owners me staring at the sign but not coming in
13:00so he finally asked
13:01i nodded
13:02the owner looked to be in his mid-twenties
13:04and he seemed pretty nice
13:06the pay was three thousand dollars monthly
13:08and no diploma was required
13:10i just had to be on time to help out at the shop every day
13:12i asked the owner for a one thousand dollars advance
13:15money makes the world go round
13:18i needed it for everything
13:20my official start date was the next day
13:23and to my surprise
13:24he trusted me
13:26i spent four hundred dollars on a used electric scooter from a local shop
13:31once upon a time
13:32four hundred dollars would have meant squat to me
13:35now
13:36i had to haggle just to get it for that price
13:38it's not like i was an orphan or anything
13:41three years ago
13:42my parents disowned me
13:43to protect the company and the family's reputation
13:46the only person who'd ever really loved me
13:48grandpa was gone a long time ago
13:51if he were still here
13:52i probably never would have ended up like this
13:56i rode the scooter back to grandpa's old house
14:00the weeds outside were already gone
14:02roderick must have sent someone to clear them
14:04inside
14:05everything was covered in a thick layer of dust and cobwebs
14:08it took me for hours just to make the place halfway livable
14:12most of the stuff inside was broken beyond fixing
14:16i was trying to carry out the junk when i tripped
14:19everything went flying all over the floor
14:22i was a mess my knee hurt
14:23and i was covered in dirt
14:26i saw a pair of shiny leather shoes stop in front of me
14:30i didn't even have to look up to know who they belonged to
14:33i got up slowly
14:34my knee throbbing with pain
14:39mr dunlap
14:41can i help you with something
14:42i'd gone from calling him rod
14:44to roderick
14:45and now to
14:46the hellhole ever again
14:52grandma sent me to check on how you're doing
14:54roderick's brow was furrowed
14:57please tell her i'm fine
14:58and she doesn't have to worry about me
15:00i crow
15:08roderick grabbed me by the back of my collar
15:11with a tear
15:11my shirt split right open
15:13it was the same shirt i'd worn yesterday
15:15and the same one i'd had three years ago
15:17the fabric was so thin it tore almost instantly
15:20my voice was sharp with anger as i clutched the torn
15:28thank god it was only the back that tore
15:31but it was my only shirt
15:33i hadn't had time to buy new clothes
15:35and now how was i supposed to go shopping
15:39but his eyes were fixed on the scars on my back
15:41what the hell happened here
15:44i misbehaved
15:45they punished me for it
15:46my voice was flat
15:48like i was talking about someone else's pain
15:51you deserved it
15:53he walked out
15:54i glanced over my shoulder
15:55my back was covered in scars old and new
15:58all from whippings
16:00the newest ones were probably from a few days ago
16:03i couldn't even remember exactly which day
16:06they hadn't even fully healed yet
16:10i found a dusty shirt in the closet
16:12shook it off
16:13and slipped it on right away
16:19i got infected
16:21of course
16:22just as i was heading out to buy new clothes
16:24roderick came back
16:26was he back to laugh at me
16:27he tossed a bag at me
16:29change into these
16:31i refused
16:33he had a girlfriend
16:35and it felt wrong for him to be buying me clothes
16:38but it had been three years
16:39maybe
16:41chelsea was his wife now
16:42not that i cared
16:43roderick pulled me roughly back inside the house
16:48i sat down and did what he told me
16:54he cleaned the wounds on my back with antiseptic and rubbing alcohol
16:58it stung
16:59but i didn't make a sound
17:00it was nothing next to what i'd been through
17:03his hands were rough but strangely careful
17:06like he was trying to undo something he couldn't name
17:12roderick finished cleaning the wounds on my back
17:15he helped pull my shirt down
17:17his fingers brushed my skin
17:19i flinched and stepped back
17:23roderick pointed at the scar across my waist
17:26why's this one?
17:27this one was different from the others
17:29deeper
17:29jagged
17:30like someone had cut me open
17:32this position
17:33is this your kidney?
17:35he frowned
17:37what happened to your kidney?
17:39my hand moved to cover the scar
17:43i don't know
17:45he stared at me
17:48you don't know what happened to your own kidney?
17:51his voice was flat
17:53like he'd caught me in a lie
17:55i woke up one morning and the scar was there
17:59that's all i know
18:00roderick looked at me for a long moment
18:04then he let out a short breath
18:08why did they do this to you?
18:11because i misbehaved
18:13but i'm good now
18:15what did you do?
18:18one of the counselors caught me after i dropped food on the table
18:21roderick frowned
18:22he studied my face
18:23trying to decide if i was telling the truth
18:25elsewhere
18:26where else did they hurt you?
18:28i shook my head
18:28i curled up when they hit me
18:30my back was the only part they could reach
18:34it's getting late
18:35you should go now
18:37i needed him out of this house
18:42i'll crash here for the-
18:43no!
18:44the word came out before i could stop it
18:50roderick turned and stared at me
18:52he looked like he couldn't believe what i'd just said
18:55you can't stay here
18:57my voice was shaking
18:58my whole body was shaking
18:59he took a step toward my bedroom
19:02i moved between him and the door
19:04i didn't think
19:06my body just did it
19:09move
19:10no!
19:12he reached for my arm
19:14i yanked it back so hard i hit the wall
19:16my chest was heaving
19:18my hands came up
19:19then i realized what i was doing
19:21at the center
19:23if you raised your hands
19:24they beat you harder
19:25they said you were resisting
19:27roderick stopped walking
19:29he stared at my shaking hands
19:32at the way i was pressed against the wall
19:36mari
19:36calm down
19:38i bolted
19:39i ran into grandpa's room and locked the door
19:42pressed my back against it
19:44listened
19:46no footsteps
19:49i slid down to the floor
19:51my legs still wouldn't stop shaking
19:56late that night
19:57i woke up in grandpa's bed
19:59my leg was throbbing
20:00the knee i'd scraped when i tripped over the junk was swollen and hot
20:04then the pain moved up my back
20:06every wound roderick had cleaned was burning
20:09i touched my forehead
20:11my skin was on fire
20:12i tried to stand
20:14my legs folded and i hit the floor
20:16the dust made me cough
20:17at the center
20:18if you got sick
20:19you stayed on the floor
20:20no one came
20:21the staff said sick people were just looking for attention
20:24i didn't call for help
20:25i lay there until the room started spinning
20:27until i couldn't tell if my eyes were open or closed
20:30a shadow moved toward me
20:33then
20:33then it covered me
20:34when i opened my eyes again
20:35the ceiling was white
20:36and the air stink of bleach
20:38an iv was taped to my arm
20:40i was in a hospital
20:41i didn't know how i got here
20:43i pulled the iv out
20:44blood ran down my wrist
20:45i reached for my shoes
20:47roderick was slumped in a chair next to my bed
20:50his eyes red
20:51where are you off to
20:53i got a job
20:54i start today
20:55do you even know you're running a fever
20:58he sounded more tired than angry
20:59don't worry mr dunlop
21:01i'll pay you back for the medical bills
21:02as soon as i get my first paycheck
21:04i slipped out before he could say anything else
21:06i got on my scooter and made it to the flower shop just in time
21:10the front window was covered in red hearts
21:13a sign read
21:13valentine's day special
21:15the flower shop was packed
21:16i worked the register
21:18then chelsea harvey walked in
21:23chelsea was arm in arm with roderick laughing
21:26i froze
21:27chel's rod
21:28the owner walked over and shook roderick dunlop's hand
21:31the owner was clifford harvey
21:33chelsea harvey's brother
21:34i had been working for her brother
21:37chelsea spotted me
21:38her eyes went wide
21:39she flinched
21:40and harried her face in roderick's chest
21:43cliffy what is she doing here
21:44she's the one who pushed me down the stairs
21:47she pointed a shaking finger at me
21:48her voice trembling
21:50clifford stared at me
21:51his face twisted with disgust
21:54he grabbed my arm and shoved me out the door
21:58i hit the ground
22:00roderick stood in the doorway and watched
22:02he didn't move
22:03i pushed myself up
22:05looked at him
22:06i looked embarrassed
22:08maybe he couldn't stand it any longer
22:10he threw me some money and turned away
22:13i didn't want to lose this job
22:16fortunately a restaurant hired me as a dushmer
22:19a few days later
22:21chelsea came to that restaurant
22:23she found me
22:24then she made sure i saw her every time when she came
22:27i stayed in the back and scrubbed harder
22:29i thought if i kept my head down she would leave me alone
22:32but chelsea wasn't done with me yet
22:36i was carrying clean plates out to the dining area
22:39well look who it is
22:41the crawford group harris
22:43oh wait just a pathetic little shadow nobody wants around
22:46a few girls blocked my way
22:47my old college classmates
22:49chelsea stood behind them watching
22:50no innocent act this time
22:52i tried to walk past them
22:54did i say you could leave
22:57one of them grabbed my hair and yanked hard
22:59the plates crashed to the floor
23:01the whole restaurant went quiet
23:03all i could think about was how much those plates would cost me
23:07what's going on here
23:08roderick's voice
23:09he was standing behind me
23:11before i could say anything
23:12chelsea spoke up
23:13her voice soft and shaking
23:15rod
23:16we were just trying to make up with atmari
23:18catch up a little
23:20but then she lost her temper
23:22and tried to hit me with a plate
23:27the manager rushed over
23:28and stared at the broken plates
23:34are you out of your mind
23:36i opened my mouth
23:38don't
23:38just
23:39don't
23:40he pointed at the door
23:43get out of my restaurant
23:45now
23:47chelsea's friend smirked behind him
23:49one of them gave me a little wave
23:53chelsea was still tucked against roderick's chest
23:55her shoulders shaking
23:58the perfect victim
23:59i waited for roderick to say something
24:03he didn't
24:05he only cared about comforting chelsea
24:09he didn't even look at me
24:11i reached into my pocket and pulled out my cash
24:16handed it to the manager
24:19it left me with ten dollars
24:22i walked past
24:23at roderick on my way out
24:26outside
24:27the cold air hit my face
24:31ten dollars
24:33i could buy the cheapest bottle of sleeping pills
24:38i went to a pharmacy
24:39and took the pills at home
24:42small
24:43white
24:45like chalk
24:46in my palm
24:50i swallowed them one at a time
24:54i lost track of time
24:57right as my eyes closed for good
24:59i thought i saw it roderick standing in the doorway
25:04when is she going to wake up
25:05she's been asleep for days
25:07when i came to
25:09it seemed i heard roderick's voice
25:12why was he still clinging to me
25:14even after death
25:16it wasn't till a team of doctors began
25:19examining me
25:20that i understood
25:22roderick had rushed me here
25:24to have my stomach pumped
25:26i'd been given a second chance
25:30that figure i saw hadn't been an illusion
25:34it was him
25:36are you sending me back
25:39i looked at his darked expression
25:42the doctor says
25:44you may be suffering from depression
25:50roderick avoided my question
25:53i nodded
25:55but that wasn't the point
25:58all i cared about
25:59was whether i had to be sent back
26:04why didn't you tell me
26:09would you have believed me if i had
26:13telling him
26:14would only have made him think
26:15i was making excuses
26:17to leave that place
26:21i had reached out to him
26:22each resident was granted
26:25a scheduled call to family
26:27twice a year
26:28during my first six months
26:31i called him once
26:32i'm sick
26:34i cough up blood sometimes
26:38and they hit us
26:41can i please come home
26:44i promise i won't bother you anymore
26:47what did he say back then
26:50find a better excuse next time
26:57then he hung up
27:01after that that call
27:02i was beaten again
27:04i never called him after that
27:11why did i cough up blood
27:13their blows had landed on my back
27:16over and over
27:18the internal damage eventually
27:20affected my stomach and lungs
27:23seeing audric fall silence
27:25i knew he still didn't believe me
27:31i lowered my head
27:33and didn't ask again
27:35whether he'd send me back
27:36should i be sent back
27:38i won't leave alive
27:41in a place like that
27:42no one would notice
27:44whether a person was breathing
27:45i thought once i got out
27:48i could start over
27:49but i was wrong
27:51my peace was always shattered
27:54whenever roderick came into the picture
27:59the doctor called roderick out
28:01saying some test results were ready
28:04the door swung open
28:06as roderick stowed back in
28:09he yanked the blanket aside
28:12then my hospital gown
28:15an ugly
28:16jagged scar was exposed
28:18his eyes were bloodshot
28:21a vein throbbing on his forehead
28:23as he stared at me
28:25your kidney
28:27where is it
28:29he looked terrifying
28:32just like the staff at the center
28:35they had that
28:36same look in their eyes
28:39that look always came
28:41right before a beating
28:42i pulled the blanket up
28:44and hid underneath it
28:45the bed shifted
28:47as at roderick sat down beside me
28:49he gently tugged at the covers
28:51mary come out
28:53you'll suffocate
28:54his voice softened
28:56as if he'd realized he'd scared me
28:58promise you won't hit me
29:01my voice was muffled under the blanket
29:04only after he promised
29:07did i poke my head
29:10he asked again
29:12patient this time
29:14what happened to your kidney
29:17i shook my head
29:19i don't know
29:21roderick took out his phone
29:22and said he would investigate
29:24this thoroughly
29:26ever since learning about my depression
29:28roderick had barely left my side
29:30it was as if he was afraid
29:32i might try something again
29:33but i saw that the rehab center
29:35had been shut down on television
29:36no doubt it was roderick's doing
29:38it had posed as an educational institution
29:40behind closed doors
29:41it ran vile operations
29:46did he do this to you too
29:47roderick pointed at the screen
29:48the man being interviewed
29:50was the infamous director
29:51he spoke excitedly to the reporter
29:53i was helping them
29:54they should be thankful
29:56without my guidance
29:58do you think they'd be so compliant now
30:00go ask their parents
30:01their children are model citizens now
30:04aren't they
30:05i took a kidney
30:06laughs
30:07as my fair compensation
30:10my method
30:11was simple
30:15add something
30:16to their bedtime milk
30:18then proceed
30:19with the removal
30:20i'd watch them
30:21wake up
30:22in agony
30:23only
30:25the man grew more animated
30:27as he spoke
30:27i felt a wave of dread
30:29seep into my bones
30:30the bloody scene felt like
30:31it had happened yesterday
30:32that night i went to bed as usual
30:34before lights out
30:35we all had to drink the milk
30:36the attendants brought
30:40refusal meant a beating
30:47in my sleep i felt like i was being restrained
30:51then slowly a sharp pain pierced my side
30:55my eyes flew open to see the director's horrifying face
30:58leaning over me
30:59it wasn't a dream
31:00he was staring intently at my waist
31:02the pain made me black out
31:04i didn't wake until the next day
31:11he threatened me
31:12if i ever spoke a word
31:13my other kidney would meet the same fate
31:15no wonder so many people there moved stiffly
31:17and no one ever said a thing
31:25roderick called me
31:26i stared at him
31:27my gaze empty
31:28then a mouthful of blood surged up and spilled over
31:31i collapsed
31:34i had no idea how long i was out
31:36when i woke up
31:37i was still connected to a ventilator
31:38i shifted my fingers
31:40trying to wake roderick
31:41his weight was resting on my hand
31:42and it had gone numb
31:45you're awake
31:46how do you feel
31:48you were in shock
31:49did you realize
31:50but i was in shock
31:51how would i know
31:52but was this really roderick
31:54his jaw was shadowed with stubble
31:55his eyes streaked with red
31:57this wasn't the same cool
31:58collected man i remembered
31:59i tried to speak
32:00but had no strength left
32:02i just lay still
32:03let the doctors and roderick
32:05do what they needed to do
32:06i learned i'd been unconscious
32:07for four days
32:08roderick had stayed by my side
32:09the whole time
32:12that afternoon
32:13a doctor removed the ventilator
32:15i could talk again
32:17what's the prognosis
32:18weeks months
32:19i knew my time was running out
32:22roderick's hand
32:23which had been holding a spoon
32:24to feed me broth
32:25paused
32:25after a long moment
32:28six months
32:29maybe less
32:30a faint smile of relief
32:32touched my lips
32:34good
32:34i could get to see grandpa soon
32:37lung cancer
32:38i phrased it as a question
32:40but i was sure
32:41even after i'd learned to behave
32:42and the beatings mostly stopped
32:44i kept coughing up blood
32:46the depression only made things worse
32:49roderick nodded
32:50can i get back to work
32:53is there any way
32:54you could keep your wife
32:54from interfering
32:55if they'd just leave me alone
32:57i could work in peace
32:58i still owed clifford
32:59one thousand dollars
33:00after all
33:03she's not my wife
33:07roderick frowned
33:08putting a clear distance
33:09between himself and chelsea
33:10i didn't care what chelsea was
33:12i just needed her to stay away
33:16i started a small street stall
33:17on a decent block
33:18selling burritos
33:19i had planned to find a regular job
33:21but roderick forbade it
33:23when he set his mind to something
33:24no one could change it
33:25he offered me two options
33:27start my own small business
33:29or stay home
33:30doing something i chose
33:31with the time i had left
33:32was a good idea
33:33i stood nervously behind my cart
33:35worried no customers would come
33:37the location was close to campus
33:39steady foot traffic
33:40from students and professionals
33:41it was a fully licensed area
33:43for street vendors to operate
33:45best of all
33:45it was close to grandpa's house
33:49hey how much for a burrito
33:50i was lost in thought
33:52when a guy with a bright
33:53easy smile walked up to my stall
33:55i looked up and met his clear eyes
33:57he had faint dimples
33:58wearing a basketball jersey
34:00a ball in his hand
34:01as if he'd just come from a game
34:02i was caught off guard
34:04for a second
34:04he spoke again
34:05before i came out of my trance
34:07for some reason
34:08looking into his eyes
34:09didn't make me uneasy at all
34:10usually any eye contact
34:12filled me with dread
34:13so many pairs of eyes
34:14haunted my nights
34:18would you like to try one
34:19it's free
34:23why free
34:23is it because i'm so good looking
34:25he grinned
34:26and rubbed his chin
34:28playfully
34:28his playful tone
34:31made my face grow warm
34:32no it's my first day
34:34if it turns out unpasteable
34:37i couldn't possibly take your money
34:40i'd practiced at home
34:41over and over
34:42but doing it for real
34:44felt completely different
34:47oh so i'm your gimme pig
34:50no i thought i'd scared him off
34:57just kidding
34:58go ahead
34:58i'll eat it
34:59however it turns out
35:00he laughed warmly
35:02most vendors could make one
35:03in three to five minutes
35:04my clumsy attempt
35:06took nearly seven
35:07the outside was crispy
35:08though
35:09not burnt
35:12maybe i should make you
35:13another one
35:14this is perfect
35:15he took the wrapped burrito
35:17and bit into it
35:22it's great
35:23seriously this is how it should be
35:25nice and crispy
35:26his compliment made me smile
35:33so how much
35:35you're not gonna charge me an arm and a leg are you
35:37he widened his eyes in alarm
35:41no this one's complimentary
35:43a lucky start for my first day
35:46as he turned to leave
35:48he glanced back and waved
35:51i'm leonard williams by the way
35:53i watched him walk away
35:55it struck me then how distant my own college days felt
35:59if i hadn't been so reckless back then
36:02i would have graduated a year ago
36:08as the day went on
36:09more customers came
36:12i was almost too busy to keep up
36:15but i got quicker and more confident with each one
36:18i didn't pack up until i'd run out of ingredients
36:27roderick pulled up beside me in his car
36:31i'll drive you home
36:32it's fine
36:33i have my scooter
36:34i nodded toward my scooter
36:36parked nearby
36:38it's getting chilly tonight
36:40you'll catch a cold
36:43i won't die from it
36:48marion
36:49how long are you going to keep fighting me on everything
36:51roderick caught my wrist
36:53as i started to walk away
36:57mr dunlap do not forget
36:59i was the one who pushed your girlfriend down the stairs
37:03i'm the one to blame
37:04in that moment
37:05to cut any last tie between us
37:08i claimed the guilt
37:10mary
37:11stop lying
37:13i know the truth now
37:16she fell on her own
37:20suddenly his arms came around me from behind
37:27my body stiffened in his hold
37:29so he knew
37:31so he knew
37:32hadn't he told me to protect chelsea
37:36so you were protecting her
37:39while i bore all the blame
37:41no
37:42i was afraid once you knew the truth
37:45you'd hate me for not believing you sooner
37:48i was wrong
37:51i'm sorry
37:55his arms tightened around me
38:00i only found out two days ago
38:02i went to tell chelsea to stay away from you
38:04and we argued
38:08she let it slip
38:11i could no longer hold back my tears
38:17they fell onto the back of his hand
38:20at least i would clear my name before i died
38:23he released me
38:25bending down to wipe my tears
38:28don't cry mari
38:32i sobbed uncontrollably in his arms
38:36for a moment
38:37neither of us spoke
38:43three years of silence
38:45three years of pain i'd swallowed without a word
38:48and now
38:49finally
38:50someone believed me
39:00rod
39:02here
39:04i pointed to my chest
39:07it doesn't beat for you anymore
39:12rod if i could i'd wish we had never met
39:17i wiped my tears
39:18and gave a faint smile
39:23this is the last time i'll call you that
39:26from now on
39:27let's each live our own lives
39:32i'd treat this as a goodbye
39:34a proper end to those eight years i spent loving him
39:38i could never forget the three years in that place
39:43and the person who'd sent me there
39:44was himself
39:49marie
39:51he reached for me
39:52but i stepped back
39:56mr dunlop
39:57please don't disturb me again
40:03i want my remaining time to be peaceful
40:06with that
40:07i left
40:12i drove my scooter home
40:15roderick's car followed at a distance in the rearview mirror
40:21i ignored him
40:32i went to my stall as usual every day
40:37roderick watched from a distance
40:40i just ignored him
40:46hey i'm back
40:47brought my classmates to try your burritos
40:49it was leonard
40:50my first customer
40:53what kind would you like
40:54a real sense of ease washed over me
40:56something i hadn't felt in a long time
40:58whatever you recommend
41:04maybe one of each
41:05i'll take some back for my roommates too
41:09so how much
41:10you didn't let me pay last time
41:12you've got to charge me today
41:13or i won't come back
41:14i hadn't said i wouldn't charge him
41:15i still needed to pay back my debt
41:17six dollars each
41:18cash only though
41:20if you don't have any
41:21you can get change at the store down the block
41:23i pointed to the sign on my cart
41:25and then toward the store down the block
41:28wait right here i'll be back
41:32i watched leonard walk away and sighed
41:35the young seemed so full of life
41:37it was easy to forget i was only a year older than him
41:42yet my life felt worlds apart
41:48hey isn't he good looking
41:49and he's single
41:50maybe give him a shot
41:52his classmates clearly thought my glance at leonard meant more than it did
41:55i shook my head and stayed silent
41:58i was making around three to four hundred dollars a day
42:03soon i had enough to repay my debt
42:08clifford seemed to have been waiting for me
42:11he looked different guilty
42:12almost
42:15i heard what really happened
42:17chelsea admitted the truth to roderick
42:21i'm sorry for what i did to you
42:22i didn't reply
42:25i placed the money on the counter and left
42:30finally i was free of that burden
42:37why did leonard keep coming to my stall
42:41did he really love burritos that much
42:44do you really like burritos that much
42:47i finally asked
42:48no why
42:50taking another bite
42:52why do you come every day
42:54were you short on money for meals
42:57but he didn't look like he was struggling
43:01because you're here
43:05between bites
43:06i didn't fully process his words
43:09not until he swallowed
43:11leaned closer
43:12and looked at me seriously
43:14be my girlfriend
43:18i froze for a second
43:19then shook my head
43:21i took his hand and placed it on my waist
43:24i'm missing a kidney here
43:26then i pointed to my chest
43:28i have lung cancer here
43:31he shrugged
43:32unfazed
43:33i know
43:35i've always known
43:37how could he know
43:38reading my surprise
43:40i'll tell you later
43:42his hand lingered gently on my waist
43:44did it hurt
43:46my eyes stung
43:48no one had ever asked me that before
43:51not roderick
43:52not my parents
43:53not a single person in three years
43:56but this young man did
43:59six months later
44:00i held the medical report
44:01the doctor had just given me
44:03he said the cancer cells
44:05were gradually receding
44:06leonard had made sure
44:07i ate three meals a day
44:09he walked me to every checkup
44:11for the first time in years
44:12i wanted to live and it showed
44:14with a positive mindset
44:16consistent medication
44:17and no late night depressive episodes
44:21full recovery was possible
44:22there were cases of people beating cancer
44:25it just wasn't easy
44:26but i had managed it
44:34hey where are you
44:36you're not at your stall today
44:37my phone buzzed with a message from leonard
44:39at the hospital
44:40he'd bought me this phone himself
44:42he'd claimed it was a buy one get one deal
44:46who believed that
44:47i certainly didn't
44:49half an hour later
44:51leonard came jogging toward me
44:53in his basketball jersey
44:57what did the doctor say
44:58i put on a somber face
45:00pretending to be downcast
45:02i saw his expression dim
45:04but he kept his voice steady
45:06it's okay
45:08i'll be with you every step of the way
45:09i cut him off
45:13just kidding
45:13the doctor says i'm doing really well
45:16you've gotten mean
45:18i couldn't bear to tease him for long
45:20he pretended to be upset
45:22but then he picked me up and spun me around twice
45:25so
45:26does this mean you'll say yes
45:28he looked at me eagerly
45:31say yes to what
45:32i blinked at him playfully
45:35be my girlfriend
45:38but i'm not completely healed yet
45:40what if it comes back
45:42i don't care
45:45my job is to love you
45:46and make you happy
45:48if you're happy
45:49you'll get better
45:51he hugged me tightly
45:53nuzzling against me
45:56i wrapped my arms around him in return
46:00all right i suppose i'll say yes
46:02i sounded as if i was doing him a favor
46:05the truth was
46:06he had been the one settling for me all along
46:12as leonard and i walked away hand in hand
46:14i saw roderick
46:17he stood watching us
46:18his eyes red
46:21i hadn't seen him in two or three months
46:23the last time i saw him was when maggie passed away
46:26he'd picked me up to attend the service
46:29and that was it
46:31i'd also repaid him for all the medical bills
46:34even the money for the food cart
46:37i knew he'd been watching me from a distance
46:41he'd tried to approach me a few times
46:43but i'd threatened to harm myself each time
46:45and he'd finally stayed away
46:49mari who is this
46:50his eyes were still red
46:52he already knew the answer
46:55my girlfriend
46:57leonard answered first
46:59raising our joined hands
47:03is he good to you
47:07yes
47:09i know what it looks like when you love someone at mari
47:12and i can see it's not me anymore
47:16it took me a while to face it
47:20be happy
47:22i wish you the same
47:25he turned and walked away
47:28i didn't look back
47:31some people are meant to be part of your story
47:33but not your ending
47:38i heard later that roderick left to teach in a remote mountain
47:41as for me
47:43i was curled on the sofa
47:45looking at the man in front of me
47:46you said before that you knew about my health
47:49how
47:51i sprained my ankle during a game and ended up in the hospital
47:56i was in the room next to yours
47:58i overheard something while walking by
48:01got curious
48:02and looked through the glass
48:04one look and i just knew
48:08he made it sound so casual
48:13that's it
48:16i didn't buy it
48:20your classmates mentioned something
48:23my photo is your computer wallpaper
48:26the one from when i was a sophomore
48:29i meant the guys who had stopped by my stall for burritos
48:32sure enough the man looked briefly embarrassed
48:35he was probably cursing them in his head
48:39okay fine
48:43i was an exchange student at your university in my freshman year
48:47doing a photography project
48:49you were there that day
48:51so full of life
48:54i couldn't help but take a picture
48:58later i heard you were with roderick
49:00so i kept my distance
49:02i don't do home wrecking
49:04he lifted his chin slightly
49:08it wasn't until i saw you in the hospital
49:11that i realized how stupid i'd been all along
49:17if i had stepped in back then
49:20maybe none of this would have happened to you
49:23after that
49:25i kept an eye on you
49:29waiting until the day
49:31i ran into you
49:32at your stall
49:35he looked genuinely regortful
49:38i reached out and hugged him
49:41don't blame yourself
49:43some things were meant to happen
49:45it wasn't your fault
49:47i'd almost missed the chance to be with someone so wonderful
49:50but in the end
49:51nothing was too late
49:54other people go to rehab for drugs
49:56alcohol
49:57or gambling
49:59i went to quit loving a man
50:03in the end
50:04i didn't just quit him
50:06i learned to love myself again
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