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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00One Next Bet
00:00:00Amusement Park
00:00:02Me Aupka Swagat
00:00:03Hey
00:00:04Wow
00:00:08Casino's
00:00:09You can do something
00:00:10It's all
00:00:11Roller
00:00:12Flots
00:00:13Cards
00:00:14And Hip
00:00:15It's all
00:00:16Sports Betting
00:00:18Vishal selection
00:00:19Baseball
00:00:21Football
00:00:22Hockey
00:00:24Tenets
00:00:24Curling
00:00:25Shantar
00:00:27This Bet
00:00:28He's going to be
00:00:29Zip
00:00:31Esports
00:00:32Who should win
00:00:33Counter's Bet
00:00:34Yacht
00:00:35Totato
00:00:35Let's play
00:00:37Wow
00:00:38We will have to do this
00:00:41One Next Bet
00:00:43Download
00:00:43I'm not going to buy
00:00:44It's all
00:00:48To be
00:00:49To be
00:00:50To be
00:00:52To be
00:00:54To be
00:00:54To be
00:00:55To be
00:00:56To be
00:00:57To be
00:00:58To be
00:00:58Oh, my God.
00:01:35Oh, my God.
00:01:58What's this pussy pop?
00:01:59Tequila, it is.
00:02:01Here you go.
00:02:06Viva la river, Luciana!
00:02:08Now that shit right there make a pussy pop away.
00:02:10Here, stay here.
00:02:12So what are you doing here anyway?
00:02:13What you think I'm doing here?
00:02:15I'm starting to open and see.
00:02:17Been there, done that.
00:02:19Pick up the phone.
00:02:21Pick up the phone.
00:02:22Richie?
00:02:23Tiana.
00:02:23Hey.
00:02:24You know, I thought it'd be easier for the audience if they didn't have to read more texts.
00:02:28Yeah, that makes sense.
00:02:28Because you know these motherfuckers can't read.
00:02:30I know who goes to see a Wayne's brother's movie.
00:02:34Well, it's nice to phone me, you, in this super awkward way.
00:02:37Likewise.
00:02:38But I've got to be honest.
00:02:39When I seen your profile pic, a bitch almost wiped left because you look mad goofy.
00:02:44But surprisingly, you know, those goofy niggas got big dicks.
00:02:47So here we are.
00:02:48I take you for a Jersey girl.
00:02:50A Jersey girl?
00:02:51Listen, I love jerseys down.
00:02:53But I'm a Harlem girl.
00:02:54Born and motherfucking raised.
00:02:56Real niggas only.
00:02:57Yeah.
00:02:57Oh, so you're black.
00:03:01No, motherfuckers.
00:03:03I'm black.
00:03:05All cats.
00:03:06No cat.
00:03:07For cat.
00:03:09Fuck all y'all.
00:03:11Bitch, spit them pearls back out.
00:03:14Like, want your shit?
00:03:17Hello?
00:03:18So tell me, what's your favorite scary movie?
00:03:21Mmm, I don't really do them.
00:03:23You know, all the super tropes and shit.
00:03:25Why is it always the white bitch at the end?
00:03:27Because they know it's too hard to kill a sister.
00:03:29You know what I'm saying?
00:03:30Because if the sister can survive government cheese, we can survive anything.
00:03:34You know, it might help if you met me outside.
00:03:37Met you outside?
00:03:38Boy, you just needy.
00:03:40What's your sign?
00:03:41You must be a Scorpio.
00:03:42How'd you know?
00:03:43Good dick, though.
00:03:44But toxic as hell.
00:03:46Hey, is the restaurant near an alley?
00:03:47Yes, hurry before they rob your ass.
00:03:50Who knows this?
00:03:51Ah, not today.
00:03:52She's a bitch.
00:03:53Heard you, Hope.
00:03:54Okay, I'm coming down the alley now.
00:03:56I'm here.
00:03:57Can you see me?
00:03:58I'm waving.
00:03:59No.
00:04:01The person I'm looking at is not waving.
00:04:03In fact, they're just staring at me.
00:04:05Well, stare at his ass back.
00:04:07And don't blink.
00:04:08Never blink.
00:04:09You've got scars from lips and go on.
00:04:10What?
00:04:11No, they're walking towards me now.
00:04:13Oh, my.
00:04:14Oh, no.
00:04:14They have a knife.
00:04:15Well, don't eat his ass over here.
00:04:17And that's not the worst part.
00:04:18The worst part is, you know so much about horror movies, and yet you still walk into the alley alone.
00:04:28Yeah, well, the worst part is, you're fucking with a New York bitch.
00:04:32Cuckoo!
00:04:33Oh, yes!
00:04:35Go, you're welcome!
00:04:38Oh, no!
00:04:40Oh, no!
00:04:41Oh, no!
00:04:50They have to keep on some adventure shit.
00:05:06Seriously, laddie?
00:05:07I didn't recognize a bird call, but I thought you was going more with a...
00:05:10That's a pigeon, nigga.
00:05:12It's supposed to be...
00:05:13Cuckoo!
00:05:14Cuckoo!
00:05:14A hawk swooping in a cat!
00:05:17My bad.
00:05:18Are you done?
00:05:21What the hell?
00:05:25Bitch, I'm Tiana Taylor.
00:05:26My abs got abs.
00:05:28Get up there!
00:05:29Help!
00:05:30Help!
00:05:31Get up there!
00:05:33Come on, guys!
00:05:34We can work this out!
00:05:39Somebody help me!
00:05:41Do it, Aaron!
00:05:42No, no, no!
00:05:43No, no, no!
00:05:45Oh, no!
00:05:45Ow!
00:05:47Oh, no!
00:05:48Oh, no!
00:05:48No, no, no!
00:05:49All right!
00:05:50Now, get your hard-headed ass on!
00:05:52Welcome to your sucker!
00:05:55Hey, Tiana.
00:05:56You might have kicked my ass, but you still didn't win that Oscar.
00:06:00What'd you say about my Oscar?
00:06:02Did I stutter?
00:06:04You lost!
00:06:05You right.
00:06:07But I won that Golden Globe, dude.
00:06:09Oh, my God, really?
00:06:11See, that's why I never watched horror movies.
00:06:13It's fucking terrible.
00:06:14Just a bunch of celebrity cameos and fart gags.
00:06:18So, you don't like parodies?
00:06:20I'm more into Judd Apatow films.
00:06:22You know, elevated comedy.
00:06:24And what is elevated comedy?
00:06:27The kind that doesn't actually make anyone laugh, but makes white people feel smart.
00:06:33Tuesday?
00:06:34Don't answer that.
00:06:35Could be Ghostbase.
00:06:36Oh, come on, Elle.
00:06:38Stuff like that only happens in the movies.
00:06:42Oh, hey.
00:06:44I wasn't expecting you to answer the door.
00:06:46What the fuck?
00:06:48Now, where's my knife?
00:06:50I'm good.
00:06:52Hello, Tuesday.
00:06:54Girls.
00:07:20Hey, miss.
00:07:22What'd you take?
00:07:23Just a Ritalin for my ADHD.
00:07:26Adderall for PTSD.
00:07:27A couple of Xanax for my anxiety.
00:07:29And your boner pills.
00:07:31So good luck getting it up now.
00:07:35Jesus, Sarah, how many did you take?
00:07:37I don't know. How many come in a bottle?
00:07:41Hey, Jeff.
00:07:43Sarah, Tuesday's in the hospital.
00:07:44She was stabbed by a killer.
00:07:46You know, Ghostface.
00:07:48Wait, from Wu-Tang?
00:07:49Why would Ghostface Killah, a.k.a. Pretty Tony, a.k.a. Starkula, come to stab my sister?
00:07:54God, Sarah, it wasn't Ghostface Killah.
00:07:56It was somebody in a Ghostface mask.
00:07:58Ah, okay, that makes more sense.
00:08:07I ain't the one!
00:08:09Ah, Jesus, Jack!
00:08:12What? I was thinking about wearing this for Halloween.
00:08:15My estranged flat-chested half-sister was nearly...
00:08:18One X-Bet Amusement Park میں آپ کا سواگت ہے.
00:08:21Sports Betting, Basketball, Football, Hockey, Tennis, Curling, Visual Selection, E-Sports.
00:08:29Kismal Bet کریں.
00:08:30Counter Strike yet, Zota 2.
00:08:32Chalo, Dono کرتے ہیں.
00:08:34Haa!
00:08:35One X-Bet Emotions download کریں.
00:08:37Tilt by a psycho when it's Ghostface.
00:08:40I gotta go see her.
00:08:42And make up for the past.
00:08:44Well, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:08:45I'm going with you.
00:08:47But not because I'm the obvious killer trying to lure you back to your hometown.
00:08:50I'm just a supportive boyfriend.
00:08:52Yeah.
00:08:53That's all.
00:08:55Okay, let's go.
00:08:56Get in the car.
00:08:57Listen, we just have to make one stop on the way.
00:09:00I survived.
00:09:02Oh, thanks to my lucky penny
00:09:31Come give me a hug
00:09:33Mom, come on, turn off this ratchet-ass music
00:09:36It's embarrassing, especially for black women
00:09:39It's not embarrassing, I'm the cool mom
00:09:41Everybody wish they had, I'm lit
00:09:43Don't forget, I got practice later, so I'll be home late
00:09:45You only made the team because you're black
00:09:47And those racist fucks assumed you could play
00:09:50It's 2026, I don't think race is an issue
00:09:53Do you read black Twitter?
00:09:55No
00:09:57Oh, Brad, are you still dating that hoe?
00:09:59Oh, okay, stop hoe-shaming her, Heather
00:10:02Just because Daryl and them ran a train on her doesn't make her a hoe
00:10:06She's not a hoe, she's sex-positive
00:10:08Well, I'm positive she's a hoe
00:10:12Hey, girl, look at you
00:10:14Early for Halloween, huh?
00:10:15What you this year?
00:10:16Bloody schoolgirl, holly ho?
00:10:18Hi, Miss Meeks
00:10:20Love the hair
00:10:22I'll take your spencer
00:10:24Well, thank you very much
00:10:25I gotta invite you over and make you a little shit pie
00:10:28Ooh, you know what?
00:10:30I gotta get to African-American history class
00:10:32We're learning about slavery
00:10:33I'm trying to find out
00:10:35It was a choice
00:10:36You see that right there?
00:10:38That's Kanye
00:10:38That's right
00:10:39They've been teaching us wrong all this time
00:10:42Mm-hmm
00:10:42Stay black
00:10:44Bye, Ma
00:10:44All right
00:10:45Bye, baby
00:10:46But it's me
00:10:47Bye
00:10:48Son, I put some condoms in your bag
00:10:50You know how they try to trap y'all
00:10:52Mom
00:10:55Okay, seriously
00:10:56Sheriff Greg
00:10:57You don't have to walk me to class
00:10:58I'm fine
00:10:59Jess, there's a serial killer on the loose
00:11:01I'm not gonna let anything happen to my baby girl
00:11:05Boy, okay
00:11:05I'm a baby boy
00:11:06I'm sorry
00:11:08I'm having a hard time with this transition
00:11:10Okay, it's really simple
00:11:11Treat me like one of the guys
00:11:13Okay
00:11:15I can do that
00:11:16Yeah
00:11:17Slap fight
00:11:19Oh, you call that a slap?
00:11:22Who the hell did you do that for?
00:11:25Don't act like such a bitch
00:11:29Bitch
00:11:29Yeah, not bad
00:11:37What the hell lives like this?
00:11:52Oh, honey
00:11:52It is so good to see you
00:11:54Come in
00:11:55Do you want some tea?
00:11:56Oh, my God, Mother
00:11:58You look like shit
00:12:00Babe, please
00:12:00This is clearly a woman
00:12:01Who's run out of condition
00:12:02Oh, be careful where you walk
00:12:04The whole place is booby-trapped
00:12:06You never know
00:12:07When that psycho's gonna come back
00:12:08Come in
00:12:10Okay
00:12:20I hate this job
00:12:25Mrs. Campbell
00:12:27I'm Jack
00:12:28Sarah's boyfriend
00:12:30I've heard so much about you
00:12:32None of it good
00:12:34I've heard nothing about you, Jack
00:12:36I assume you're a piece of shit
00:12:38But how would I know
00:12:40When I haven't heard from my daughter
00:12:41In what?
00:12:42Six months?
00:12:43Six years, Mother
00:12:45And whose fault is that?
00:12:47And whose fault is that?
00:12:48I don't know
00:12:48Maybe it's yours
00:12:50That's fair
00:12:51We want to learn
00:12:52From the horror you survived
00:12:54Look
00:12:56Scary movie three and four
00:12:57Paid me a lot of money for a girl
00:12:59There is nothing to learn there
00:13:01But if you want to talk about the house, Bunny
00:13:03Shoot
00:13:04It's happening again
00:13:05Some asshole
00:13:07In a mask
00:13:08We have to stop him
00:13:09You're not ready, Lovebug
00:13:11I had been preparing for this for years
00:13:15Sacrificed everything
00:13:16You were a terrible mother
00:13:18Come on, honey
00:13:19We had some good times
00:13:21Like that Christmas
00:13:23I took you to meet Santa at the mall
00:13:33Your turn, Sarah
00:13:35Move
00:13:36Hi, Santa
00:13:38Sorry if I don't sit in your lap
00:13:41You creep me out
00:13:50Mom!
00:13:52Santa gets me a severed arm
00:13:54Be sure to thank him
00:14:03That a boy
00:14:05Ew, that dust
00:14:08What the fuck?
00:14:12I am sorry if that's how you found out Santa doesn't exist
00:14:16Mother, I need your help
00:14:19To heal our emotional wounds and put the past behind us?
00:14:22Oh, God, no
00:14:24No, to kill ghost face
00:14:26Do you have any guns?
00:14:29I am Cindy fucking Campbell
00:14:31I've got millions of guns
00:14:33But, um, none of them are registered due to my mental health issues
00:14:38So, if you could just keep that on the boat
00:14:41Yes!
00:14:43Okay
00:14:43Oh, yeah, I'm gonna be fine
00:14:46I didn't hurt myself on any of these fights
00:14:54Oh, hey, so I spoke to Sarah earlier
00:14:58Oh, is she coming?
00:14:59You know I did hear a buzzing sound
00:15:01So it's possible
00:15:02No, I meant to Woodsville
00:15:04Dumbass
00:15:05Oh, yeah, I forgot that
00:15:06Hey, Jimbo
00:15:06Go deep
00:15:07Go deep
00:15:09Oh!
00:15:10Sweet!
00:15:12Speaking of going deep
00:15:14Uh, I don't know if it's a good time
00:15:15Everyone knows what happens to teenagers
00:15:17Who try to make love when there's a killer in the loose
00:15:19Brad's right about one thing, guys
00:15:21Hey, ghost face is back
00:15:22We need to arm up
00:15:23Pepper spray?
00:15:24Check
00:15:26Taser?
00:15:27Check
00:15:28Butt plug?
00:15:29Double check
00:15:30God damn!
00:15:32You just carry that thing around?
00:15:34It's easy to hide
00:15:38In your butt
00:15:41I'm impressed
00:15:52What's up, y'all?
00:15:54I'm dead
00:15:58Hey, what's up, huh?
00:15:59Um
00:15:59I'm tired of you little Gen Z alpha niggas
00:16:03Using terms like
00:16:04Unc and auntie
00:16:06Gaslighting and blazing and glamping
00:16:07Trying to make my generation sound old
00:16:09I ain't your damn unc, nigga
00:16:11Shorty, you're our mother's brother
00:16:13So, yeah, technically you are our uncle
00:16:15Oh, my bad
00:16:17Yeah
00:16:18Crazy that they let you teach here
00:16:20Teach?
00:16:21Nah, nigga
00:16:23I attend
00:16:24You're looking at a proud 25th year senior
00:16:27When are you finally going to graduate?
00:16:29By the time we do a sequel and I got to follow you little young niggas to college to get
00:16:32my check
00:16:33Wait, guys, Tuesday's awake
00:16:34Alright, Tuesday, who the fuck is Tuesday?
00:16:37And we got to go to the hospital, are you going to take the bus on?
00:16:39Nah
00:16:40The PJ
00:16:41Private jet?
00:16:42Yeah, jealous
00:16:43Man, you smoke weed all day
00:16:45You just play video games, live stream
00:16:47You literally got money doing nothing
00:16:49Exactly
00:16:50I leave the hard work for the old head
00:16:52Ha ha ha
00:16:53Jesus
00:16:54Ha ha ha
00:16:55Still the same shorts
00:16:56Alright
00:16:57Check my crypto
00:16:59Oh, shit, I'm up three million dollars
00:17:01Ha ha ha ha
00:17:02Damn, now I'm down five million
00:17:04This shit crazy, son
00:17:07Oh, shit Bock
00:17:09Oh, shit
00:17:18Oh, shit
00:17:19Oh, shit
00:17:25Oh, shit
00:17:27Oh, shit
00:17:29Oh, shit
00:17:29You literally got them
00:17:29I smelled like
00:17:30Oh, shit
00:17:32I in a th pasture
00:17:34It's too sure
00:17:38I'm gonna let it shine
00:17:41Ray!
00:17:42Sister Bringer, it's okay.
00:17:44You heard the call of sin.
00:17:46Yes, you did.
00:17:47But the Lord has called on us to show men such like you the way.
00:17:50Come on, son.
00:17:52Come with us.
00:17:54Come on us.
00:17:55God see you coming.
00:17:56So don't cheat that, Cologne.
00:17:58We need you to come like you never came before.
00:18:02Come for the Father.
00:18:03Come for the Son.
00:18:04I'm gonna hold your hand and we're gonna come together.
00:18:10Amen.
00:18:12There you go.
00:18:13In the name of God.
00:18:15Let it go, Ray.
00:18:17Let it go.
00:18:18Nigga.
00:18:19Oh, my bad.
00:18:22Last time.
00:18:25Let's welcome a new member to our congregation.
00:18:30Tell the people how you feel.
00:18:37I'm not gay no more.
00:18:43I'm not gay no more.
00:18:46I'm not gay no more.
00:18:49I'm gay no more.
00:18:52I'll no longer date a man.
00:18:53Even if he's sexy as hell with a big old chestnut and perky areolas.
00:18:58Oh, yeah.
00:18:58You still got a secret.
00:18:59I'll no longer carry a purse, put on makeup, walk around in high heels.
00:19:05Red bottom.
00:19:06One with the cute little buckle on the side.
00:19:08This is my shoes.
00:19:10I'll no longer go on Grindr and swipe right at black men.
00:19:15White men.
00:19:16Asian men.
00:19:17Even a lander.
00:19:18I no longer take trips to the Philippines.
00:19:21Looking for ladyboys.
00:19:22To Phuket.
00:19:24Costa Moody.
00:19:25Back to Phuket.
00:19:26Then to Vietnam to see if I can get them any cheaper.
00:19:28I thought that was for anniversary, Ray.
00:19:30Oh, this nigga got a lot of miles.
00:19:32I no longer stand butt naked in the mirror.
00:19:35With my penis tucked between my legs.
00:19:37Dancing like the dudes from Silence of the Lambs.
00:19:39It puts the lotion in the basket, Precious.
00:19:42I'm a changed man.
00:19:43I've been delivered.
00:19:45I will.
00:19:46I said I will.
00:19:48I will.
00:19:49No.
00:19:50I'm a woman.
00:19:50Huh?
00:19:52Woman, woman, woman, woman.
00:19:53Take that.
00:19:54Woman, woman, woman, woman.
00:19:56Women, women, women.
00:19:58Women, women, women.
00:19:58Women, women.
00:20:03No, no, no, no, Ray.
00:20:05No, no.
00:20:18He's doing it.
00:20:20Hockey doing it.
00:20:27Hockey, deliver.
00:20:52Oh my God, our face is all contorted.
00:20:57Oh my God, in the morning.
00:21:04I'm trying to get that help for an hour.
00:21:07How are you feeling, too?
00:21:09I wasn't keeping you for the pain.
00:21:11Is that more pain?
00:21:13Oh, bitch.
00:21:15Let's see.
00:21:18Oh, yeah.
00:21:20Oh, this that good, good.
00:21:23This that Britney Spears shit makes me want to get half naked,
00:21:26and dance around and juggle some knives.
00:21:28Sarah, who's that Jeffrey Dollar look alike?
00:21:31Oh, this is my boyfriend, Jack.
00:21:34Really nice to meet you.
00:21:36Looks like Ted Bundy to me.
00:21:38But that ain't none of my business.
00:21:42This'll stab that bitch here and need some rest.
00:21:45So y'all, get the fuck out!
00:21:46Yes, ma'am.
00:21:49Oh, not you, Sarah.
00:21:51Why? What did I do?
00:21:53I'm so scared.
00:21:56Oh, twos.
00:21:57You should be.
00:21:59You've been stabbed nine times.
00:22:02And the killer knows where you live.
00:22:04I would invite you to come stay at my place,
00:22:06but I don't really want that kind of juju in my house.
00:22:10After all we know, he's standing right outside that door.
00:22:18It's comforting, Sarah.
00:22:20I thought I was gonna die.
00:22:22I know, me too.
00:22:24I planned a funeral.
00:22:26Yes.
00:22:27What the hell?
00:22:27And I wrote your obituary.
00:22:29More like ChatGVT wrote it.
00:22:31I bet you're still here.
00:22:32And I will never let anyone hurt you.
00:22:36Oh, dumb!
00:22:38Shit!
00:22:41Get off me!
00:22:44Help!
00:22:45This white girl can't die on my ship!
00:22:47I'm a DDI hire!
00:22:49Oh, my God!
00:22:49Oh, my God!
00:22:49You were fired a second ago!
00:22:51No!
00:22:51I'm good!
00:22:52I'm good!
00:22:53Again!
00:22:55Come on, white bitch!
00:22:56I need this job!
00:22:57Please!
00:22:58It's not my game!
00:23:00What's up?
00:23:00Oh, we're losing her!
00:23:02Hire!
00:23:07Oh, boy.
00:23:09Looks like there ain't nothing left but forts, prayers, and pork rinds.
00:23:13Dear Lord.
00:23:14Nurse Ratchet!
00:23:15Check out The Wire!
00:23:17The Wire was the shit, baby.
00:23:19That's my show.
00:23:19Frogs and that Idris Alba make this Gucci wanna pop, pop, pop!
00:23:23Dear Lord.
00:23:24Please accept this white bitch and-
00:23:27Oh!
00:23:28The Lord works in mysterious ways.
00:23:32I'm going on break.
00:23:33Oh, cheers.
00:23:35I will never let anyone hurt you.
00:23:37Again.
00:23:42Ooh!
00:23:43My bad!
00:23:55Hello?
00:23:57Hello, Sarah.
00:23:59Who is this?
00:24:01Someone who knows your little secret.
00:24:04No, no, no.
00:24:05I swear that wasn't a Nazi salute.
00:24:07Okay?
00:24:07I won Prime Queen and I was throwing my heart to the crowd!
00:24:10No!
00:24:12I'm talking about your family secret.
00:24:16Oh, you're the fuck who hurt my sister!
00:24:19Well, I had to get you to come back here.
00:24:22Listen, if you were to fuck with me, asshole, then come and get me!
00:24:26With pleasure!
00:24:32Help!
00:24:33Somebody help!
00:24:35Please!
00:24:36Somebody help!
00:24:39Bitch!
00:24:40This the break room!
00:24:43We all break!
00:24:45Oh, no!
00:24:52Take that!
00:24:53What?
00:24:54What?
00:24:55What?
00:24:55What?
00:24:56What?
00:24:57What?
00:24:57Is it a bad야지?
00:24:58Please.
00:24:58Date me!
00:24:59I've been saving people all day!
00:25:02So, you handle yours.
00:25:03I'll be right or here eatin' my falafel and my pork rinds.
00:25:08I look like my mamma…
00:25:12I now break over •!
00:25:21You're
00:25:21welcome. It really
00:25:25looks like you got hit with something wrong.
00:25:27hard like metal i told you i fell now where exactly are we going to talk to an expert
00:25:46go away i'm so sorry to bother you we just we just want to ask you a few questions
00:25:51give me what's the reason why i should talk to you i'm white how white oh i'm talking candace owens's
00:25:58wife oh thank you when you said expert i assumed you meant more like yield to grass tyson i'm sarah
00:26:06campbell i was attacked last night i think you should leave i don't want to get stabbed and i
00:26:10don't like covet okay please come on just just two minutes that's all i'm asking no no i'll give
00:26:16you eight minutes and another thing oh i can tell you oh my god
00:26:26now you guys are good when did the work week become the woke week we've got black friday
00:26:31what's next mulatto monday i mean yellow thursday come on
00:26:39let me get this out of your way oh sorry
00:26:44oh yes you're done yep you're good
00:26:50you're cindy's daughter right yeah yeah i don't know him oh this is jack
00:26:55my love interest no no no no rule number one of surviving a horror movie is never trust the love
00:27:03interest look at him he's got that weird lazy eye poking one way and then he's drooling like a
00:27:11psychopath he's got that stumped leg makes the ball walk weird and creepy i don't have a stump but that
00:27:18that does oh i'm looking at me since you lost your duty retired listen doofy we could really use your
00:27:28help yeah i can't go back to that light plus we're in the middle of a global pandemic okay i
00:27:34hate to
00:27:35break it to you but covet has been over for like years billy yeah
00:27:43damn it what am i going to do with all this candy
00:27:49get out and don't want those streets to find me and don't come back
00:28:16okay just because he showered doesn't mean that yeah i can shower i just take water from my
00:28:21now you want some no that's okay okay come on doofy yeah do it sarah is your ghetto ass mom
00:28:28coming
00:28:29or can we start talking about this plot uh hi you came not in like 15 years honey but i
00:28:39did buy this
00:28:40you rose so fingers crossed
00:28:46oh
00:28:47oh oh oh my old friend you taught me how to dance how to make a high and work pie
00:28:56nigga i'm writing back to you sorry what's up sandy how are you doing my nigga
00:29:03oh shit son i can't believe you thought i was dead well between cancer from the weed smoke your love
00:29:12of the mcrib and racist cops i didn't think you had a chance yeah that's a terrible coming
00:29:18hi sir stop smiling at me
00:29:22oh shit world star world star world star hey he's intellectually disabled that's just how he looks
00:29:30you drunk honky hey hey hey don't call that white bitch a honky come on have some respect i keep
00:29:36seeing people smiling everywhere i'm not very likable so it must be some kind of curse hey everybody
00:29:44look what i got non-branded jello and t-shirts made with great alcohol and ghb so ain't nobody
00:29:50sipping that name consent to like last time which i apologize take one i love roofie and myself
00:29:56no you sure baby hi brenda please do not call me by my government name call me ma
00:30:06you dropped the train oh my god thank you i haven't seen you in forever
00:30:11i got it look at you you look the same minus the crow's feet and your hair is so dry
00:30:17oh and your
00:30:18titties dropped so far other than that you look the exact same what have you been up to oh you
00:30:26know
00:30:26neglecting my children so i can prepare to kill ghost fish should he ever return
00:30:31what about you well i've been mostly just getting high school kids drunk and a desperate attempt to
00:30:36stay young and keep my kids at home i always knew you'd be a great mom should we hug oh
00:30:42i really
00:30:43want you but i'm a republican now so i'm supposed to be racist oh girl i think all white people
00:30:48are
00:30:48racist anyway come here okay oh you want a shot oh yes yes you know ma this place could be
00:30:57so cool
00:30:57if you had like a beer pong table over there maybe like a snack wall what you know about cool
00:31:02when i was
00:31:03your age i was popping bottles with puffy puff daddy p diddy diddy all the shawns that ain't as well
00:31:10your mama was the freak in the freak-offs you want to see something cool i'm gonna show you something
00:31:24god that's cool what are you doing what no not like that oh my god yeah i don't know why
00:31:33y'all acting so
00:31:35scared the gun ain't even loaded oh oh oh i did it again
00:31:45i always forget that last one in the chamber help me move this back yeah you got it that was
00:31:50fun
00:31:51oh so what are you doing after this i want to go with carbon oh i love carbon you know
00:31:57what i used to
00:31:58put cocaine at my hoo-ha until i was there all the time all right let's get back to the
00:32:13plot i'm
00:32:15looking at you ted bundy i looking like a school shooter i think you the killer oh me okay what
00:32:20about deputy doofy over there i don't have a motive you know what's my motive you were the killer in
00:32:26the first movie shouldn't you be locked up no i got pardoned mostly because of the storming the
00:32:32capital you know oh i got proof it's me oh it's fame that's a cool hit what about jess what
00:32:41about me
00:32:42if anybody here has issues that could lead to murder okay well trans shaming is not cool okay
00:32:48then he's just a dude yeah minus the upper body strength in the dick part hey you don't know what
00:32:55i got down here okay i do hey hey listen what we know so far is everyone who's been attacked
00:33:01is related to the original character he wants to kill the kid he's making a reboot a quote
00:33:09a what now yeah it's like a reboot and a sequel mix of legacy characters with new characters in an
00:33:15attempt to feed into nostalgia and bring more fans to the theaters just like last year's i know what
00:33:21you did last summer that's a movie what did i do last summer i think you're talking about the summer
00:33:28i turned pretty yeah right when did you get here oh i've been here i was just hanging out by
00:33:32the men's
00:33:33mom oh mama okay so that means that our killer is writing his own version of horror movie okay so
00:33:41according to the rebooty call rules who's the killer i think it's pretty obvious
00:33:52who you bitch me guys i am not the killer ghostface attacked twos to lure me back here
00:33:59i think he attacked tuesday to get you back here so he could get me back here he wants to
00:34:06kill the ogs
00:34:07that was a flex yeah that sounds better oh fuck this and fuck you mother
00:34:13oh to your mother hey don't be so disrespectful and call me mom or mommy or whatever is more comfortable
00:34:45talk to me hello sheriff agent underworld i'll give you one hint what's your favorite scary movie
00:34:54well i'm gonna go with salt bird i mean the member on that english guy was terrifying and ken jiong's
00:35:00junk and the hangover was a much better depiction of the male anatomy now what do you want fuckface
00:35:05well i'm just calling to tell you that by the time you get home i'll have got it your baby
00:35:10girl
00:35:11hey asshole she's a boy
00:35:23yes
00:35:25yes
00:35:40looking for this let me help you i got your baby dick winky winky winky winky
00:35:58all right here we go what do you want fuckface well like father like a son
00:36:05i understand your home alone well dad's out but the pool guy the gardener and the plumber are all
00:36:13here asshole look out your window
00:36:21no but they're the backbone of the american workforce
00:36:25and i'm too white to do those jobs let's cut to the chase i'll ask you one question if you
00:36:31answer
00:36:31correctly you live who was the killer in horror movie oh that's easy it was uh bobby and then k
00:36:40ray the
00:36:41guy who was totally into dudes even though he claimed he wasn't classic 2000s homophobia but i got
00:36:47you bitch wrong you forgot special officer doofy now you die
00:37:03you should probably answer that i can literally see you trying to steal my package
00:37:11oh that was easy
00:37:18uh someone order snakes let's go puff
00:37:23wait a sec careful you won't talk about any killer
00:37:28okay you are about to identify as dead
00:37:35you stand like a girl
00:37:46come on girl
00:37:47let's try the ghost face killer collection bundle this is kiki west for only fans rapid news rapid news
00:37:55you mean rapid news you don't even have a cameraman my appointment excuse me
00:38:03oh my you're yes yes three-time emmy nominee for outstanding achievement and sensational reporting
00:38:11i was gonna say the lady from friends but shorter than the plus botox fella
00:38:16is that what you were gonna say yeah you seriously don't know who i am baby girl i am
00:38:21gail squirrels hey hail storm gail here get the hell out of my way
00:38:31doofus hey yeah
00:38:35you haven't aged a day you've aged like a million days that's this many prime yeah your fingers
00:38:40smell like genitals what are you doing in that ridiculous uniform uh i i'm back on the case yeah
00:38:46i'm gonna bust a ghost race well um tell me special needs officer doofy um wow are there any suspects
00:38:54in
00:38:54this tragic yet completely predictable incident i think you're not allowed to say no no no no yes you
00:39:01can thank you not yeah oh yeah tell me oh my god hey remember when you used to get blow
00:39:10jobs
00:39:10sensitive information i don't give blow jobs anymore okay not since me too okay sorry i give hand jobs
00:39:18now but the story better be good okay i'll do a hand job let's do it let's do it
00:39:34what the
00:39:44i'm gonna get you i'll go right there he's gonna get you right you got my outfit you little critter
00:39:52maybe we shouldn't be legal
00:39:57fuck yeah
00:40:09hello shorty you do know that smoking is bad for you well actually weed ain't bad for you you got
00:40:17vitamin t c and h c b and d what's the matter shorty you look a little antsy
00:40:26maybe because there's a masked serial killer sipping tea in my den sure you're my negger
00:40:32i mean friend please all right
00:40:39do you want to quit smoking well to be honest i tried to quit but my mother said i ain't
00:40:46raising no
00:40:47quitters so i quit quitting we could try hypnosis bro i don't care how many pocket watches you try and
00:40:54wave in front of my face it ain't gonna work son you can't magnetize me sleep
00:41:04shorty
00:41:07what's up tell me about your mother
00:41:12damn let's start with something like like do you lick ass yes or no the answer is yes
00:41:19so what happened to her shorty
00:41:24it was coming home her car was parked on the side of the road
00:41:30someone was in it and something bad was happening
00:41:38why did you call anyone i couldn't i have warrants you were eleven i started young
00:41:46nigger oh what do you see
00:41:55i see a big explosion of water
00:42:00it was like a civil rights hose
00:42:06police said it was a murder suicide she killed that man when they opened the card to her and his
00:42:13limp body just slid out
00:42:18like the green digger in shape of water
00:42:21i just didn't want it to be real why don't you want to be real
00:42:32so
00:42:43so
00:45:07Oh, that dream was wild.
00:45:11I must have been Elon Musk.
00:45:17Oh, Chinchasheba.
00:45:27Tuesday?
00:45:29Tuesday?
00:45:33Bobby?
00:45:36Bobby?
00:45:38What the...
00:45:41She's gonna die.
00:45:42Our daughter, Sarah?
00:45:44You're probably right.
00:45:45She's tough, but let's see her get stabbed in the cut.
00:45:48I'm gonna die.
00:45:50Bobby, you're already dead.
00:45:52This hallucination is a manifestation of my own guilt for being an awful mom.
00:45:56Or it could be the shrooms I just popped.
00:45:59You're gonna die.
00:46:01You're gonna die.
00:46:02Bitch, you ain't killing me.
00:46:10You're gonna die.
00:46:13Stop smiling.
00:46:14I can't.
00:46:16Boom talks.
00:46:17Hey!
00:46:18Home.
00:46:18This is the mental ward.
00:46:20Everyone smiles in here.
00:46:22What?
00:46:23Oh, um, could you point me in the direction of the ICU?
00:46:28Is it that way or that way?
00:46:29Uh, visiting hours, Roper.
00:46:31Oh, yes, of course.
00:46:34The network wants me to clarify that Black Friday has nothing to do with race.
00:46:38Well, just tell that to my black friend, Benita, who's probably clocking someone over the head of Target as we
00:46:43speak.
00:46:44Right, Benita?
00:47:11Oh, my God.
00:47:29Oh, I can move the world.
00:47:33Where is this moving forward?
00:47:35Dude, get, go!
00:47:37Oh, yes!
00:47:38Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
00:47:41Jermaine.
00:47:44Coming Juneteenth.
00:47:46Only on 2B.
00:47:50I'm gonna bootleg that shit.
00:47:54Hello?
00:47:57Fuck this.
00:48:03I'm gonna miss you all.
00:48:10Oh, hell no!
00:48:11Stay black, don't die!
00:48:13Stay black, don't die!
00:48:15Come on, come on.
00:48:17Come on, come on.
00:48:19Come on, come on.
00:48:20Come on, come on, come on.
00:48:24Let go!
00:48:26Oh, God!
00:48:26Damn it!
00:48:27jack did sarah tell you to come um yeah that's why i'm here not to murder you or anything like
00:48:35that then why are you wearing gloves would you believe i am thinking about dressing
00:48:42up as oj simpson for halloween but those fit no you're not cool bro you almost hit a face i
00:48:50mean
00:49:07oh i'm gonna get you like a pig
00:49:31i'm gonna get better writers wait until i stick my knife
00:49:45i'm crying over here
00:49:51oh
00:50:21no
00:50:22who are you there
00:50:26i'm gonna turn you with the beaches
00:50:34oh
00:50:41oh
00:50:42excuse me out of our way step aside official police business
00:50:46do you leave
00:50:48they like doing that
00:50:50who
00:50:52smile you son of a bitch
00:50:54what the
00:50:55my psycho mother said
00:50:57always keep us trapped
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00:54:17It doesn't even make sense.
00:54:18This is a dumb game.
00:54:37You just killed Cassinet on the chair.
00:54:43We make history, son!
00:54:47Cassinet!
00:55:06Thank God.
00:55:12It's about time you guys got here.
00:55:15Now you're gonna do it.
00:55:21So that's our suspect?
00:55:23It was by the name Shorthand.
00:55:26Was the handyman that a house reputed to be haunted in 2001.
00:55:31Is there anything you're not telling me?
00:55:33That your wife hates you.
00:55:34You believe the earth is flat and you voted for Trump.
00:55:38Three times.
00:55:39Oh, were I supposed to vote for the woman?
00:55:41Huh?
00:55:42I believe Shorthand is the notorious ghost face.
00:55:47What'd that mouth do?
00:55:51You did look pretty sketchy.
00:55:57I got the wrong guy.
00:55:59And you know that because you're psychic?
00:56:01No.
00:56:02It's that song in your restaurant.
00:56:05I don't know.
00:56:07That guy's black.
00:56:08It's kind of...
00:56:09Not that black.
00:56:11Like gravy brown.
00:56:15Hit him with your strong hand.
00:56:18Boom!
00:56:19Boom!
00:56:19Rest him anyways.
00:56:21Probably good something, right?
00:56:22Turn off your body cast!
00:56:25Miss Hale Storm, welcome back.
00:56:27Doc, I'm begging you.
00:56:29You gotta help me look younger.
00:56:31These little bitches are killing me out there.
00:56:32They're wearing nothing but a sausage casing and a ring light.
00:56:35Trust me with this withered, decrepit, age-ravaged body,
00:56:40and I will make you whole.
00:56:42One middle-aged white buddy special coming right up.
00:56:45Thanks.
00:56:45I'm gonna play a quick video on the ins and out of the procedure,
00:56:48and then we'll get started.
00:56:53Do you wish you weren't so old and saggy?
00:56:57Do you wish you were younger, sexier, fuckable again?
00:57:02One single injection unlocks your DNA, creating a new, better you.
00:57:09This is the stuff.
00:57:12Doc, this isn't that when it's out trope crap that makes you smell like garbage, is it?
00:57:21I like it.
00:57:25Oh!
00:57:27Oh!
00:57:30I feel rent fucking ill.
00:57:34Ill. Ill. Ill. Ill. Ill. Ill. Ill. Ill. Ill. Ill.
00:57:38Well, that's a lot of stuff.
00:57:41Ooh, a mask on a mask.
00:57:44Safety first, right Doc?
00:57:46Oh!
00:57:51I'm not a second thought. I'm going to love and accept myself as I am.
00:58:46I'm not a second thought.
00:58:59Oops, wrong movie. You were thinking it.
00:59:05But you suck. White chicks to my ass.
00:59:18Hey, Sarah. Tuesday, I tried to visit you. I am sorry for everything, especially your name.
00:59:29It was Taco Tuesday. I was super drunk.
00:59:32But I promise you, I will kill this motherfucker.
00:59:35It's fine, really. We're cool.
00:59:37I'm going to take you to the car.
00:59:40Oh, my God. Down to my death, you dumbass.
00:59:43I'm taking twos away from all of this.
00:59:48I tried to run, too, but it follows.
00:59:53Yeah, you're probably expecting a flashback to that movie, but it's too obscure.
00:59:58Yeah, and the party's weird. You have sex with someone, give them an STD, and then they'll haunt them in
01:00:02the form of their naked grandma.
01:00:04It's like an STD biopic.
01:00:05Ugh, the killer is taunting me. Why doesn't he just kill us?
01:00:09Oh, speak for yourself.
01:00:11Like, what are you waiting for?
01:00:12Oh, no, no, no, sweetie. Sweetie, it's like this.
01:00:17What are you waiting for, huh?
01:00:20What are you waiting for?
01:00:23What are you waiting for?
01:00:26What are you waiting for?
01:00:28I wish you weren't my mother.
01:00:30What are you waiting for?
01:00:34Candyman. Candyman. Candyman.
01:00:39You sure about this?
01:00:41Yeah. Keep saying it.
01:00:44Candyman?
01:00:46Candyman?
01:00:48Candyman?
01:00:49No!
01:00:53No!
01:01:06So what's up? You got that candy, man?
01:01:09I got weed gum, canuts, food trucks.
01:01:15And what takes you so long to show up?
01:01:17Come on, Clarence.
01:01:18I called you five times, nigga. Show up in three.
01:01:22You ain't even called me on the phone.
01:01:24Luckily, I was walking by and heard you all through the hole in this wall.
01:01:27Fix that shit.
01:01:28You shut your ass up.
01:01:30You need to go to a proctologist and get your skin looked at.
01:01:33Having acne over the age of 40 is wild work.
01:01:36I look better than this nigga.
01:01:38Maybe on this side.
01:01:39Hey, ain't no time for beating. We about to be high as fuck.
01:01:41We going to party, son?
01:01:45Hey, what's happening, y'all?
01:01:48Watch out the dog, baby.
01:01:50All right. Take care.
01:01:52Hey, I love me. Look at that.
01:01:55Looking good.
01:01:57You seen your sister?
01:02:00Ray, you seen gay?
01:02:02I can't find her since you went to a procter.
01:02:05No.
01:02:08Ray, let me guess.
01:02:09Ray, you are Woody from Toy Story.
01:02:12Nah, Brenda, that's gay.
01:02:14Jake Gyllenhaal from Brokeback Mountain.
01:02:17I wish I knew how to quit you, but I can't.
01:02:21You love that movie.
01:02:24Hey, Brenda.
01:02:25Huh?
01:02:25Have you seen my big old bag of candy?
01:02:28It had chocolates, gummies, lollipops.
01:02:31It's going to miss him.
01:02:32No, no, no.
01:02:33It's not missing.
01:02:34I passed it out to the trick-or-treaters.
01:02:36Brenda, that's mustache.
01:02:57I can't feel my face.
01:03:01I can't feel my face.
01:03:03I'm on the prize ocean.
01:03:07Six seconds! Six seconds!
01:03:37More water.
01:03:47Why is she looking at me?
01:03:51I'm a little disturbed here.
01:03:54I'm here for you.
01:03:56It's all there. Give me over such a fog.
01:03:58Yeah, make it help you.
01:04:00Make that ass jump.
01:04:02Oh, huh? Make that ass jump.
01:04:05Hey! Do you know how many baby seals die from microplastics?
01:04:24Shit!
01:04:25Yes, cop face!
01:04:31My God! He's damned her!
01:04:34Not her! My pronouns are they them.
01:04:37He's damned them!
01:04:38I'm over 40. How am I supposed to keep up with all of this?
01:04:41She's not wrong.
01:04:43It's Karens like you that keep the patriarchy going.
01:04:46With their knees on our necks.
01:04:48Now you're playing the race card?
01:04:50And enough of her shit.
01:04:52Their shit, bitch!
01:04:56And to be clear, my real name is Karens!
01:05:01Oh, shit. This is too good.
01:05:02Ignore the insults.
01:05:04They don't realize we're here to help them.
01:05:07Toxic masculinity and mansplaining doesn't help anybody.
01:05:11How's my masculinity toxic?
01:05:13I love women in sports.
01:05:15It's just not together.
01:05:17Come here, bitch.
01:05:19What's up?
01:05:20Me next!
01:05:20I ain't ready for this!
01:05:22You got the...
01:05:23Me next!
01:05:23Fuck your brother!
01:05:24I'm so sorry!
01:05:29I'm so sorry!
01:05:38I'm so sorry!
01:05:42I'm so sorry!
01:05:49I'm so sorry!
01:05:51But yeah, so maybe if you stop talking like a 14-year-old white girl you can learn something
01:05:55All right, so listen up first thing you got to do you got to spread the name so to open
01:06:00it up
01:06:01Then you want to use your fingers
01:06:02Sometimes you can use two fingers like that there. Yeah, now once you get it all in there now
01:06:09You got to use your tongue. I can't be afraid of it
01:06:16Lean into it. No, no, no you're doing it too bad
01:06:21You know what? You a lizard? You got to be dancing. You got to talk to him. Hey, little guy.
01:06:26Hey, how you doing?
01:06:28Boom. It's like rolling a blunt. All you got to do, nephew
01:06:36Do that shit
01:06:39Got it?
01:06:41Want to learn to lick ass? Ask your mama
01:06:47You feel so good
01:06:51Oh
01:06:52Yeah, well, I want to try something. I thought you said you'd never let me pet you what? No
01:07:01Relax, I just want to taste you
01:07:06Okay
01:07:09Dinner time
01:07:11Oh, yeah, come here, baby
01:07:14Ah
01:07:14Oh
01:07:16Careful
01:07:17My kid is gangster
01:07:18Oh
01:07:19Oh
01:07:20Oh
01:07:20It is gangster
01:07:22Okay
01:07:23Stop you so hard you want some more
01:07:25Yeah
01:07:25Ah
01:07:26Ah
01:07:27Ah
01:07:28Ah
01:07:28Ah
01:07:28Ah
01:07:29Ah
01:07:29Ah
01:07:29Ah
01:07:29Ah
01:07:30Ah
01:07:30Ah
01:07:30Ah
01:07:30Ah
01:07:30Ah
01:07:31Ah
01:07:31You feel so much better than Daryl and them
01:07:34Choo choo
01:07:35Get back in there
01:07:36Yeah
01:07:37Lick it
01:07:38Yeah
01:07:39Lick it hard
01:07:40I'm gonna finish her
01:07:42Ah
01:07:43Oh
01:07:45Oh
01:07:45Oh my God
01:07:46Oh my God
01:07:48Oh my God
01:07:48Oh my God
01:07:52Oh my God
01:08:10Play bad music
01:08:11Do some half gay shit
01:08:13Why just half gay?
01:08:15Can I help you?
01:08:17If you just invite us in
01:08:18Why you need an invitation?
01:08:21Why you folks show up to parties uninvited all the time with this little nasty ass cat the road
01:08:25Land as shit, y'all better start using some Lowry
01:08:27Uh huh
01:08:28And why she got them dirty ass feet?
01:08:30Look like you was walking around porn sets all day
01:08:33Got them trailer block toes
01:08:34Ha ha ha ha Jesus
01:08:36I think you're in the wrong place
01:08:37Y'all clean?
01:08:38No
01:08:40We believe in music and equality
01:08:43How about we show y'all?
01:08:45It's okay now
01:08:47Well we're moving out of
01:08:50To the east side
01:08:52To a deluxe apartment
01:08:55In the sky
01:08:58We're moving out of
01:09:00In gentrified to Jefferson
01:09:02Wheezy's rolling around in her grave right now
01:09:04Can't do this to the black national anthem
01:09:07Don't get the same
01:09:12Boo
01:09:14Boo
01:09:15You doin
01:09:17Boo your ass
01:09:21Why don't y'all just go to one of those frat parties
01:09:24Where they drink until they black out
01:09:25And wake up with their booties hurting
01:09:27not knowing what someone in the cowboy hat did to them.
01:09:30Yeah, what?
01:09:31Okay, well, we will leave you guys alone,
01:09:34but we're going to walk real slow just in case y'all change your minds.
01:09:40Change your minds yet?
01:09:41Nope.
01:09:42Hell no.
01:09:44How about now?
01:09:45No.
01:09:47Yes?
01:09:47Hell no.
01:09:48Keep walking.
01:09:49Now get it.
01:09:50Let's go.
01:09:50Sarah, come on.
01:09:51My folks are getting weird.
01:09:56Guys, I think I saw an open window over here.
01:09:59That window's closed.
01:10:00Not for long.
01:10:08Wicked.
01:10:09God, fucking idiots.
01:10:18Hey, Tuesday.
01:10:20You came back.
01:10:22Yeah, I just left my inhaler.
01:10:24Honestly, Tuesday, I thought inhaler was the worst plot device in movie history.
01:10:27That's true.
01:10:28Should have been a fake.
01:10:29But we're here now, so let's make the most of it.
01:10:32Wear them white clothes and arms!
01:10:35Woo!
01:10:39Sarah?
01:10:40Hello.
01:10:41Get your sister and get out of there right now.
01:10:43Okay, hon?
01:10:44I am a grown-ass woman.
01:10:46Mother, I don't have to do anything you tell me to do.
01:10:49That's the house where your psycho father killed those people.
01:10:52Someone wanted to get you there.
01:10:54Which means...
01:10:56Someone wants to get me there.
01:10:58Oh my God, this isn't about you!
01:11:01Why are you yelling?
01:11:02Because the camera is so fucking far away!
01:11:05Wait, hold on.
01:11:06Are you tracking my phone?
01:11:08Shh, you're breaking up.
01:11:09Yeah, shh.
01:11:16Happy birthday!
01:11:19Hey!
01:11:20What the fuck?
01:11:25What the fuck?
01:11:27Help!
01:11:29I'm sorry.
01:11:30I thought I was supposed to smoke it!
01:11:34Oh, shit!
01:11:35Ow!
01:11:39Seriously?
01:11:40Within 12 years of slave shit?
01:11:42Whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:11:43I didn't see that movie, okay?
01:11:44I just found this thing in the shed.
01:11:47Jeez.
01:11:54Come on, bro.
01:11:56That's even worse.
01:11:58I didn't mean it that way.
01:12:00Some of my best victims are black.
01:12:06And another brother falls victim to gun violence.
01:12:09Turns out race is still an issue.
01:12:12That's not fair.
01:12:13You know, black guys usually die first in horror movies.
01:12:19Damn!
01:12:21Just give a whole new meaning to dead by daylight.
01:12:24Ah!
01:12:25Yeah.
01:12:26Oh.
01:12:27Get some.
01:12:28Oh.
01:12:29Goopy ass.
01:12:34Hello, shorty.
01:12:36Oh-oh!
01:12:37Get him, nigga!
01:12:39Ah!
01:12:40Got those filly ass!
01:12:41You're about to be high.
01:12:43Fuck me.
01:12:46Oh, yeah.
01:12:47Oh, yeah.
01:12:48Get this.
01:12:49Ah!
01:12:49Get him, nigga!
01:12:53Bro, why are you running backwards, sir?
01:12:56Oh, no, it's not me.
01:12:57Something's wrong.
01:12:58Nigga, you're emoted upside down.
01:13:00I can't fucking hide, right?
01:13:02Game all, bitchy.
01:13:04No, no, no.
01:13:05Oh, no, no.
01:13:06Oh, no, no.
01:13:07Oh, no, no.
01:13:11Black Lives Matter.
01:13:12It's not you, shorty.
01:13:13Oh, my...
01:13:14I need you.
01:13:15Whoa, what's going on?
01:13:16Oh, Jack.
01:13:16Oh, thank God you're here.
01:13:18Where were you?
01:13:19Uh...
01:13:19Ghostface was just here.
01:13:21I was just outside getting some fresh air.
01:13:23Stop.
01:13:25One of you is the killer.
01:13:29Now...
01:13:29Why do you have blood on your hands?
01:13:33I...
01:13:33I...
01:13:34I fell right outside.
01:13:35She's the killer!
01:13:36I am not the killer.
01:13:39I'm not even sex positive.
01:13:41I'm a virgin.
01:13:42No way.
01:13:43Being like every dude in Woodsville.
01:13:45Fuck you.
01:13:47Whoa.
01:13:48The butt doesn't count.
01:13:52Oh, shit, she's got it!
01:13:54Welcome to Act 3, bitches.
01:13:59What?
01:14:01What does that even mean?
01:14:04It's when the shit goes down.
01:14:06Oh.
01:14:07I still don't really know what she means, but I think we should...
01:14:10What?
01:14:27Ricky...
01:14:29Brenda...
01:14:29Ricky, they're in their shoes.
01:14:31This kid's a while.
01:14:32I blame it on video games, not to liquor or lack of parental supervision.
01:14:37You're going to need this.
01:14:38Do you have one bigger and black?
01:14:41Oh, right.
01:14:42Beg.
01:14:43Who?
01:14:44Who are you?
01:14:45Joan Wick?
01:14:46I would have said ballerina, but nobody saw that shit.
01:14:49Let's do this.
01:14:51Okay.
01:14:54No!
01:14:56It's happening!
01:14:57I definitely not think I can't believe that.
01:15:00What do you think?
01:15:01I think Drake lost to Kendrick.
01:15:04I still like Drake, but what was up with that lawsuit?
01:15:07That's such a bitch-ass move.
01:15:08About this situation.
01:15:10Oh, that's definitely a trap.
01:15:13She don't know where we are to make it, doesn't it?
01:15:15Oh!
01:15:16Oh!
01:15:18Oh!
01:15:18Oh!
01:15:22Is I going to make it?
01:15:24Hi, darling.
01:15:24Oh, God.
01:15:25Cindy.
01:15:26Oh, God.
01:15:28Bitch, I'm not dead yet.
01:15:29Oh, my bad.
01:15:32Now you go back in there.
01:15:34Finish it.
01:15:35For me, Cindy.
01:15:37I would do anything for you, Brenda.
01:15:44Oh, yes!
01:15:46She bought it!
01:15:47That old catch-up trick.
01:15:49It don't fail.
01:15:50That bitch is crazy if she thought I was taking my black ass back in there.
01:15:54Oh, my God!
01:15:57Attention all killers!
01:15:59You have five seconds to show yourselves!
01:16:02Don't-
01:16:08Oh, my God!
01:16:11Oh, God!
01:16:15DoorDee Snitch!
01:16:17You shot my favorite phone?
01:16:19Go find your old damn closet!
01:16:21Sir!
01:16:32hello cindy hello looks like you forgot the first rule of surviving a horror movie
01:16:40never answer the phone i thought the first rule was never trust the love interest
01:16:48oh really well i'm changing rooms how about that new rule go fuck yourself wait wait
01:16:58oh why do you eat closets so much i told you to come out yeah well i didn't want to
01:17:04get shot
01:17:05ironic isn't it you missed me bitch oh god it's ghost face it's unbelievable
01:17:14you think you're done quick i feel like i killed your dog
01:17:17the dog is just a metaphor it was about losing his wife i'm sure it's not an allegory
01:17:38let us begin
01:18:01oh that stunt girl is good
01:18:14oh
01:18:16oh
01:18:18oh
01:18:18oh
01:18:25oh
01:18:26oh
01:18:26oh
01:18:26oh
01:18:26oh
01:18:43Eat a dick.
01:18:54Shoot him, Sarah.
01:18:56End this.
01:18:56Don't tell me what to do.
01:18:58This isn't the best time to resolve our mommy-daughter issues,
01:19:03but Sarah, I am so sorry.
01:19:05I have been a terrible mother.
01:19:07I don't even know your sister Wednesday.
01:19:09Oh, Tuesday.
01:19:11Have to clarify that for legal reasons.
01:19:13But I prepared you for this.
01:19:15So go on, baby.
01:19:17You kill him.
01:19:19Sarah!
01:19:20Jack!
01:19:21Sarah!
01:19:21Jack!
01:19:22Sarah!
01:19:23Oh, Jack!
01:19:23Sarah!
01:19:24Jack!
01:19:25Sarah!
01:19:25Jack!
01:19:26Thank God you're okay with me,
01:19:28because I really wanted to be the one to kill me!
01:19:30Oh, take it, baby.
01:19:34See, I told you it was about me.
01:19:36No, Sarah.
01:19:38You were just a bitch.
01:19:41It's about her.
01:19:43Fuck!
01:19:43Oh, sorry, honey.
01:19:45I hate being right.
01:19:46You should have listened to Doofy.
01:19:48No love interest.
01:19:51It just seems too obvious, you know?
01:19:53Which makes you think it is not obvious.
01:19:56Same page I am right.
01:19:57No, no, no.
01:19:58Yeah, well, that's the twist.
01:20:00Now get in the kitchen.
01:20:01Go.
01:20:01Hey, doofy.
01:20:02Okay, listen up.
01:20:05See, there hasn't been a great horror movie since the first one.
01:20:10We're going to save the franchise.
01:20:12Go get our special guest star.
01:20:16Hollywood!
01:20:17Out of ideas.
01:20:18Why else would there be a scary movie six?
01:20:21But it wouldn't work with just the new characters, would it?
01:20:23We need the legacy characters.
01:20:26Oh, and there wouldn't be a Cindy without her sassy black sidekick, Brenda.
01:20:31You ain't have to say black with no heartbeat like that.
01:20:34Brenda, didn't you get shot?
01:20:38Did I?
01:20:39Oh, wait, I did.
01:20:41Oh, look, that done healed me.
01:20:43Oh, what did you do?
01:20:45Stop dancing.
01:20:46Stop dancing.
01:20:47Everybody stop dancing.
01:20:49Oh, Mom, no.
01:20:53You called me, Mom.
01:20:55You care about me.
01:20:58Well, I wouldn't go that far, but...
01:21:00Sure.
01:21:01Go get Tuesday.
01:21:02Okay, ladies.
01:21:04Time to stage the body.
01:21:06Let's go, let's go, let's go.
01:21:08Oh, my God.
01:21:10Who are you people?
01:21:12We're the motherfuckers that are taking over this franchise.
01:21:15Oh, yes, you are.
01:21:17Okay.
01:21:18Oh, my God.
01:21:19That was not part of the film.
01:21:21Oh, my God.
01:21:23Oh, my God.
01:21:24Neither was this.
01:21:26Oh, my God.
01:21:29Oh, my God.
01:21:29Wait, Ray got one of those.
01:21:31Oh, hot damn.
01:21:35Anthony Anderson.
01:21:36Yeah.
01:21:38And I brought my boy Kevin Hart with me.
01:21:47What?
01:21:48Shaq?
01:21:48That's right.
01:21:49That's right.
01:21:50On my knees, I'm the same height as Kevin.
01:21:52And Kevin said no.
01:21:53Kevin Hart said no?
01:21:54That little motherfucker says yes to everything.
01:21:57Yeah, he does.
01:21:58But wait.
01:21:59There's more.
01:22:01Ha, ha, ha.
01:22:02Shut up, bitches!
01:22:05Ray!
01:22:06Shorty!
01:22:07Yeah, that's right.
01:22:09For Black Killers.
01:22:11Yeah.
01:22:12We're making history.
01:22:13This is a new definition of black excellence.
01:22:16But why would you do this?
01:22:18The question is, why would you try to make a sequel without us, huh?
01:22:22Yeah.
01:22:23When the studio wanted to replace these brothers, I was there.
01:22:27That's facts.
01:22:28What about me?
01:22:29What about you?
01:22:30You were in one scene in part four.
01:22:32Yes, but I made that motherfucker Dr. Phil cut his foot off.
01:22:36And he crazy named.
01:22:37Yeah, he got weird.
01:22:38But you see what they trying to do?
01:22:40They trying to pit us all up against each other.
01:22:42They trying to stop black on very black crime.
01:22:45That's right.
01:22:46Yo, Shaq.
01:22:47Hey, I'm proud of you, bro.
01:22:49You've had an amazing career as a sports commentator since retiring from basketball.
01:22:53And I love the big podcast.
01:22:55I love that shit.
01:22:57Even though I don't understand a word you be saying, you be on that show and talk about,
01:23:04Kobe.
01:23:05Enough.
01:23:06But my point is, nigga, I love your shit.
01:23:11But I never got over Kazam.
01:23:15Get your fucking ass off.
01:23:17I hated that movie too.
01:23:18What?
01:23:19You need to make it.
01:23:20You and Kobe would have had none.
01:23:23That motherfucker treated me.
01:23:24Shaq.
01:23:25How big is your foot?
01:23:29Then how big is your dick?
01:23:32Whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:23:33Ray.
01:23:33What the fuck are you talking about?
01:23:35I'm doing it for the culture.
01:23:37What culture?
01:23:38Culture club.
01:23:39Come on, Ray.
01:23:41We're killing people.
01:23:41Stay focused.
01:23:42All right, all right.
01:23:42We back.
01:23:44Hey, Ant.
01:23:45Don't you worry.
01:23:46We family.
01:23:47Ant.
01:23:48Mad respect.
01:23:49Hey.
01:23:50Black is nominated for eight Emmys.
01:23:52My nigga.
01:23:53Well, actually, the show was only nominated for five.
01:23:57I was nominated for eight.
01:23:59Oh, my nigga.
01:24:01What does he do?
01:24:02What's up?
01:24:03Whoa.
01:24:03He nominated.
01:24:05Crazy.
01:24:05Yeah.
01:24:08But you never won.
01:24:10What?
01:24:11It's more.
01:24:13That healthy Spanish to me, motherfuckers.
01:24:15This is for doing scary movies playing for.
01:24:18I didn't know they fired the family.
01:24:21This is for copying our Good Times episode on Slackish.
01:24:26But you guys are on the WB.
01:24:29Nobody saw that shit.
01:24:33No, no, no.
01:24:34And you.
01:24:35And you.
01:24:36Y'all went and did scary movies three and four without us.
01:24:39Nigga, I'm sorry.
01:24:40They offered me so much money.
01:24:42I got a new house, a new car.
01:24:44I got wings that don't itch.
01:24:46What about you?
01:24:49Well, I had a chance to work with the incomparable Charlie Sheen.
01:24:55That's good.
01:24:56He's a legend.
01:24:57His dick game is crazy.
01:24:59You know, he slept with 47,000 women and a thousand of them women were dudes.
01:25:04Lucky guy.
01:25:06Wait.
01:25:07So y'all gonna kill us now?
01:25:10Nah.
01:25:12What would Halloween be without Jamie Lee Curtis?
01:25:15Or Scream be without Neve Campbell?
01:25:17That would be Scream 6.
01:25:18How did you guys pull all of this off?
01:25:21Sandy.
01:25:22You know how many Wayneses there are?
01:25:25Nigga, billions.
01:25:27Billions.
01:25:27I'm just so happy that the old gang is back together.
01:25:31Okay.
01:25:32In the middle, on three.
01:25:34Core four.
01:25:35Well, nah, nah.
01:25:37That's core and that's why.
01:25:38Oh, what about the young and the restless?
01:25:42Yeah.
01:25:43Or the old and then the beautiful.
01:25:45Or the cute and the crusty.
01:25:48Yeah.
01:25:48Or the sexy and then the sea.
01:25:56We were brought in to take over the franchise.
01:25:58That's right.
01:25:59He's been like 70 years old.
01:26:06I just dragged that one from the subway.
01:26:09Oh, my back hurts.
01:26:10Guys.
01:26:11Guys.
01:26:12They're already dead.
01:26:14Nah.
01:26:14Little fuckers always come back.
01:26:16Oh, no.
01:26:17Not this time.
01:26:18Exactly.
01:26:19Come on, Waynes.
01:26:19Let's go.
01:26:20Let's go.
01:26:20We gotta manage.
01:26:22That's my home.
01:26:23Next generation, my ass.
01:26:33Oh, bitch.
01:26:34Oh, my God.
01:26:42Oh, my God.
01:26:42Oh, my God.
01:26:46Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:26:47Do we feel bad?
01:26:49I mean, those are our kids.
01:26:50Fuck those kids.
01:26:52This is our franchise.
01:26:54Besides, we get to do one of these dramatic walkaways
01:26:57that can buy them back to us.
01:26:58Damn, it's hot.
01:27:00I don't know.
01:27:01I kind of like it.
01:27:03You do, Ray?
01:27:04We should play fireman.
01:27:06You want to dress us like a fireman?
01:27:07No, I want you to dress up like a fireman.
01:27:09Oh, my God.
01:27:10Y'all feel it, man.
01:27:11I have nothing.
01:27:12Bigger than ever, we bet.
01:27:14Okay, okay.
01:27:16We bet.
01:27:17We bet.
01:27:18Okay.
01:27:19Okay.