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Watch The Lesbian Homie Season 04-Episode 01 - Secret Lovers
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00:16So she just showed up to the crib, no warning.
00:19E?
00:20What's up, Bruce?
00:21Yeah, man.
00:23Out the blue.
00:24Yes, bro.
00:25I'm just trying to figure out how the hell do you keep finding yourself in all this stud
00:29business?
00:29It's just like the other night, you was about to give him some coochie, and now you ghosting
00:33the nigga, all because his ex came back trying to rekindle some shit?
00:37Don't be calling my shit coochie.
00:39What am I supposed to call it then?
00:41From my understanding, you messing with two chicks, and one is Tay, Fran, E?
00:47I experienced it.
00:48It was cool.
00:49And now I'm back to being hosed down again.
00:51Is that right?
00:52It's nice to meet somebody who knows who they are, and it ain't about the drama.
00:57That's me.
00:58I was just trying to see if we was talking about the same brie.
01:00I'm talking about E's brie.
01:01E?
01:03You couldn't test your loyalty on another broad?
01:05No, I can't.
01:06Nadia is the only girl I want to be loyal to.
01:09I'm not fucking with you or any of this until you tell her.
01:14Two studs fighting over a man?
01:16Make it make sense.
01:17I mean, this nigga must have metamorphic D or something.
01:19Life-changing.
01:20I don't see them as lesbians.
01:21I see them as women.
01:23I'm an equal opportunity amylogist.
01:25Like, how does that work anyway?
01:26Do you pull open the boxes where the pee hole is and try to go in through there?
01:30That's exactly what he does, bruh.
01:32Cool.
01:33Hey, like you said, my boy, I like panties that I gotta slide down, not briefs.
01:38How the fuck you gonna call me Reese?
01:40I'm fucking you, not her.
01:43My name is Reese, not E, motherfucker.
01:46I thought you was gay.
01:47I am gay.
01:48I thought you was gay.
01:49I am.
01:50But if you so gay, why you smashing Bruce?
01:52You ain't like any other woman I've been with.
01:54I'm not calling you a buster because I want to.
01:56You just doing some buster shit, bruh.
01:58All right, you're gonna have to stop calling me a buster.
02:00Well, fam, you're gonna have to stop being one then.
02:02I mean, at some point we gotta grow up, right?
02:04Well, this is me growing up.
02:06Robert?
02:07Yes, baby?
02:08What are you doing?
02:09I ain't gonna tell you again.
02:13The fuck?
02:15Hey, what you want, bro?
02:18I'm tripping.
02:19I'm dead.
02:21We didn't even do nothing.
02:23The fact that you just said that
02:24lets me know that you did.
02:26Ain't no beef, but we done.
02:30All right?
02:32All right.
02:33How y'all know each other?
02:34Oh, um, these are, uh,
02:38these are lesbian homies.
02:47Oh.
02:48Oh.
03:03Hey.
03:04Good morning.
03:05Good morning.
03:07I had such a nice time last night.
03:10And this morning.
03:12That was so wild.
03:14I know, right?
03:15I, I really wasn't even expecting it.
03:29Oh, what?
03:32Uh, you sure that was your first time?
03:36Yes, of course.
03:39Okay.
03:39I mean, I'm not complaining.
03:41You just seem experienced to me.
03:44I'm a fast learner.
03:48Okay.
03:48I'm not mad, but I know a spending night bag when I see it.
03:53Uh, this, no, this isn't a spending night bag.
03:56I told myself I'm going to start working out more, trying to be consistent.
04:01I told myself three days a week, and today's day three.
04:04Hmm.
04:04Today is day three.
04:06Okay.
04:07Well, body looks tea to me.
04:09Stop.
04:10You got me blushing.
04:11Your body is tea.
04:15Well, I'm just trying to make sure that this can happen again.
04:19It definitely can happen again, whenever you want it to.
04:23Hmm.
04:23I'm going to let you get your beauty rest, and I'm going to see myself out, and I'm going to
04:28call you later, okay?
04:29Okay.
04:30Well, make sure you make good on that promise.
04:34Oh, I'm definitely going to make good on that promise, because you got more to teach me.
04:39Okay, bye.
04:41I'll see you soon.
04:43See you.
05:07You good?
05:08I'm good.
05:09You good?
05:09Yeah, shorty knocked out, so let's slide out.
05:12Dang you, Cole.
05:14You ain't even going to tell that goodbye.
05:17Don't act like you wasn't trying to do the same thing.
05:22I know my friend.
05:24Look, she called me when I was getting dressed.
05:26I had to hit her with the razzle.
05:29So what you saying is you ain't hit it hard enough.
05:31Not everybody could do it like me.
05:33I did some good work last night.
05:36Okay.
05:37She's feeding it for the kid, all right?
05:40Like I said, she heard me.
05:42I wasn't tiptoeing like a little baby.
05:44Like you was.
05:46Yeah, that's where you went wrong, all right?
05:48I'm sure you didn't know I'm still here.
05:50Mm-hmm.
05:51Yeah, so you ain't get where a kiss on the forehead, none.
05:53Oh.
05:55I left her little love note.
05:59Her love note.
06:01What'd I look like giving a love note out?
06:03Get the fuck out of here.
06:05Oh, my gosh.
06:07I ain't even known, though.
06:09Oh, man.
06:10Trust me, she going to be good.
06:11She going to be glowing in the morning.
06:12Hey, I was smacking her, and I bang, grabbing that shit.
06:15I said, oh, grabbing that shit like, oh.
06:17I said, oh, grabbing that shit like, oh.
06:18I said, oh, grabbing that shit like, oh.
06:19You don't need no lingerie.
06:20Let's get right to it.
06:22Put your ass right here.
06:25It's so crazy.
06:26Got me going coo-coo.
06:28Coo, baby.
06:29I love what you do.
06:31Keep doing that, though.
06:34Oh.
06:38Oh.
06:38Oh.
06:38Oh.
06:51Wake up, beautiful.
06:57You're so gay, bro.
07:00Shut up.
07:02Hey, you better chill.
07:03You always trying to start something.
07:06You always finish it, right?
07:12What time is it?
07:22It's almost 3 o'clock, man.
07:24Ain't no way we slept the whole day.
07:28As soon as I put that true crime on you, you knocked right out.
07:33Oh, yeah.
07:34So who ended up doing it?
07:35Was it the husband?
07:38You already know.
07:41It's always the husband.
07:44Tracy.
07:46The fuck she calling for?
07:50Who's it the fuck?
07:51You know the 11's dropping next week.
07:54Okay, shit.
07:54I'm about to cop them.
07:55Hey, I never get them, though.
07:57They always sell out.
07:58That's because you don't be on your shit.
08:00Let's see if you get them.
08:01No, look.
08:01I get whatever I want.
08:02If I want it, I'm going to get it.
08:03You feel me?
08:04What?
08:05Look at you.
08:06You struggling in the heels, and I'm just trying to figure out why you still got that on.
08:10Bro, I was doing real good up until that point, man.
08:12I left my slides at home.
08:14About that.
08:15Why you ain't got an overnight smash bag?
08:17Because I don't want her to think I was expecting it, you know?
08:20Who cares?
08:21We was expecting it.
08:23We get it, okay?
08:24But that shit's irrelevant.
08:25You look hella comfortable.
08:26No, hell no.
08:27I can't wait to get this shit off me, man.
08:29It's like suffocating my insides, and I can't breathe.
08:32Oh, suffocating my insides.
08:34Bullshit.
08:34All right, are you done with the 21 questions?
08:36We got to go, okay?
08:36I'm trying to shower.
08:37We still got to go to Reese's.
08:38I'm trying to watch the playoffs.
08:39Got some money on this one.
08:41Mm-hmm.
08:42Yeah, yeah.
08:42You got a little money.
08:43I got big money.
08:44And because I got big money, we ain't going to have time to go to your spot and my spot.
08:48So we're going to have to choose up.
08:49All right.
08:50Fuck it.
08:50Why don't you just come to my crib, shower there, and I got some clothes for you.
08:55I mean, you better give me that sauce, okay?
08:58Because little baby be dressed.
08:59All right.
08:59You're right.
09:00You're right.
09:01Polo assassin, right?
09:03That's what you need.
09:03You're right.
09:04I got you.
09:05Don't worry about it.
09:06Ain't nothing but a thing.
09:07Get the fuck out of here, rainbow.
09:10All right.
09:10That's not your style?
09:11Mm-hmm.
09:12Fubu?
09:13That's what it is?
09:14Fubu?
09:14Anichi.
09:15Okay.
09:15Okay.
09:16It's you.
09:16You know, this purse, you know, I guess you get your best.
09:19She's like, don't worry about what I'm wearing, okay?
09:21She liked it.
09:21You did your best.
09:23Hey, you expecting anybody?
09:26Nah.
09:28What if it's somebody you're dealing with?
09:31Fubu?
09:31I'm only dealing with you.
09:38All right.
09:39Well, me either.
09:41I wasn't tripping either way.
09:43Woo-hoo!
09:45Oh, shit.
09:45It's Nadia.
09:47Wait.
09:48Hold on.
09:49Hold on.
09:49Hold on.
09:49Hold on.
09:49Hold on.
09:50Hold on.
09:50Hold on.
09:50Hold on.
09:50I don't know.
09:51What do I do?
09:52Hide!
09:53I'm just in the last bed.
09:53Bro, get your big ass in the closet.
09:55I'm just in the closet.
09:58Rees-a!
10:00Wake up!
10:02Reesy-poo!
10:08Oh, you are awake.
10:09I was going to come wake you up.
10:10What the fuck are you doing here?
10:12What the fuck do you mean, what am I doing here?
10:14You the one that said come and watch the game.
10:18Playoffs.
10:20Damn.
10:20Yeah.
10:21Did you forget or something?
10:23And why are you breathing so hard?
10:28Oh.
10:30You got some money in there.
10:33Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
10:35Mm-mm-mm-mm.
10:37I love that for you.
10:38Yeah.
10:38You fucking up my flow.
10:39So can you get up out of here so I can slide her out?
10:43I wish that I could, but the girl's already on their way over here,
10:47and the game's starting in like 10 minutes,
10:48so we can figure it out.
10:50What the fuck?
10:52She can come here and watch the game.
10:53It's cool.
10:54Just wash y'all hands first.
10:56Take a bath, maybe.
10:58Mm-mm.
10:59I'm going to go make some popcorn.
11:04I'm going to go make some popcorn.
11:20I thought you were just going to take the day off so I can have you all to myself.
11:23I know.
11:23I was planning on it, too.
11:25I'm just going in the office for a couple of hours,
11:28and then I'm all yours after six.
11:30Yeah, okay.
11:31You said that last time, and I ain't seen you into a tent.
11:33That was an emergency.
11:34That was different.
11:36Mm-hmm.
11:40And last time, I didn't promise.
11:42Yeah, all right.
11:44I'll be patiently waiting.
11:47And you'll be all right.
11:48With tears in my eyes till you come back.
11:51And you better be up when I get back.
11:53Oh, I'm going to be up in more ways than one.
11:56Nasty.
11:57Ooh, ooh, ooh.
12:00Yo, Jay, what up, man?
12:02Hey, come outside.
12:04What?
12:05I need to talk to you.
12:06It's urgent.
12:09Bruh.
12:10All right, man.
12:15Hey, you think it's got natural skin tone, like finger condoms?
12:21I ain't found none of them.
12:22Finger ones?
12:23What?
12:23Yeah, just a regular finger condom, but, like, in my skin tone.
12:26Who wraps up the fingers?
12:27Bro, you're OD, man.
12:29Just wash your fucking hands.
12:30Just wash the hands, bruh.
12:32I don't know all these hoes.
12:33God damn.
12:34Make sure you give her a bath before you go in there.
12:36First of all, if I got to do all that, I don't even want it.
12:38Then you're messing with the wrong one.
12:40No, I like a little seasoning on it.
12:41No baths.
12:42You're nasty.
12:43Finger condom is OD.
12:44Who you texting?
12:46Nobody.
12:50She tied your little situation out in there.
12:52She ain't came out the room once.
12:53Situation?
12:55Okay, what's tea?
12:57That's what my little ting say.
12:58What's tea?
12:59It was like somebody was getting on this morning.
13:02I knew it smelled funny in here.
13:04You wrong?
13:06Shut your ass up.
13:08Damn, Reese, why you so serious?
13:10Okay, must have not been good with the way you acting.
13:13Okay, that's facts.
13:14When I get that good, good,
13:15I'll be smiling from ear to ear for, like, three to five.
13:18I'm gonna finish that.
13:19Hey, why you think I'm teasing?
13:22Hey, I'll be in a hella good mood.
13:23I'll be tipping bums and everything.
13:26You get a five.
13:27So, you gonna call her out here
13:29so she can join us, or what?
13:31Wait, hold up.
13:33She's, like, still here?
13:35Yeah.
13:35Mm-hmm.
13:36And when you say join us,
13:38I mean, we all gonna get a turn?
13:39Can I go first?
13:40Oh, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
13:43Six, seven, eight.
13:44Ah, ah, seven, eight.
13:46Hey!
13:48Chill out.
13:50She's asleep.
13:51No.
13:51I drained her out.
13:53Oh, so you laid to scratch.
13:56No, that's fine.
14:01I don't want her, okay?
14:03You understand?
14:03Look, y'all can ask E.R. me for him.
14:05You know what I mean?
14:07Swipe for no swiping.
14:08Now, you know she lying.
14:10You're a liar.
14:12Yo, speaking to E, where she at?
14:14Yo, she pulling up?
14:15Man, you know she been flaky.
14:16Let me get her in here.
14:20Okay, see how you should have been doing that.
14:25Aw, man.
14:26She burned.
14:27She ain't answered.
14:34How's he doing?
14:37Yo, Jay.
14:38What's up, bro?
14:39What you doing?
14:42Damn.
14:44Oh, God.
14:51Uh, bro.
14:57Jason, why are you out here on the ground, man?
14:59Come in the house.
15:02Reflecting.
15:03Reflecting?
15:03You can reflect in the crib, bro.
15:05What's wet out here, dawg?
15:06Let's get in the house.
15:06Just let me take in the scenery, bro.
15:08I don't know.
15:11All right, bro.
15:12What's going on with you?
15:14Are you on the show good?
15:16Better than good.
15:18We're done.
15:20What?
15:21Okay, how was that?
15:22We graduated from our relationship.
15:26Jason, what does that even mean?
15:29It means she's not for me.
15:32She complains about who I am at my very core.
15:36Jay, that's relationships, bro.
15:37You know that.
15:38Y'all find out things about each other that y'all don't like, and then y'all discuss it.
15:42That's love.
15:43Yeah, well, that don't feel like love.
15:45It feels like hate.
15:46And I don't have time for hatred.
15:48Okay, this is Lachelle you talking about, right?
15:50Y'all been together for years.
15:52So you're just going to throw all that away?
15:54No, not at all.
15:56She is.
15:58Okay, so Lachelle broke up with you.
16:01Yeah, man.
16:01She's been on this biblical high horse about marriage and not making the same mistakes her mother made.
16:08I mean, okay.
16:09It just sounds like she wants you to marry her.
16:11On her time.
16:12And I don't do as I'm told.
16:14I do as I feel when I feel it.
16:17She's just on some control shit.
16:19All right, look.
16:20I don't want to hear it, Bruce.
16:22I'm about to go find a park, feed some fucking ducks, and connect with a higher source.
16:30Buddha, Gandhi, Charles Darwin.
16:32One of them holy niggas.
16:34Hey, man, we Christian.
16:35You know that, right?
16:36No, I'm not.
16:37Not if that bitch still is.
16:42Look, Bruce.
16:44I need some pale pumpernickel bread so I can feed these ducks.
16:47What the hell is pale pumpernickel bread, bruh?
16:50Not toasted.
16:52I don't want to hear it then, man.
16:53I'm going to feed these fucking ducks.
16:55Yo, Jay, man.
16:56Why would you come over here to tell me all this shit if you wasn't going to listen to what
16:58I had to say, man?
17:04What the hell is this nigga got me on the curb?
17:06Look at stupid.
17:14Missing the playoffs is crazy.
17:17She shot at least 50% from the four, each of the last four games for the first time in
17:22her career.
17:23Here's Carter trying from deep and hitting.
17:26Look out if Kennedy...
17:28What?
17:29I'm trying to figure out since when you start wearing lip gloss.
17:32Oh, all right.
17:33Some girl put me on and I just don't want my lips dry.
17:36It's not that big of a deal.
17:37You don't need lip gloss so your lips ain't dry.
17:40I bet your tongue tired from licking them lips so much.
17:43Yeah, whatever.
17:44You're so beautiful.
17:45Thank you, sir.
17:46Oh, shit.
17:47This E right here.
17:50Yerp.
17:50Where y'all laid ass at?
17:51We was just talking about you.
17:54Oh, shit, you in the front?
17:55I bet.
17:57I'll go get her.
17:58Oh, bet.
17:58I ain't feel like it anyway.
17:59Appreciate it.
18:01To the hole.
18:03To the hole.
18:06What up, bro?
18:07What's up, bro?
18:11What's up, y'all?
18:14Oh, hi.
18:15Now's the damn time.
18:16It was the traffic.
18:18At least bring snacks.
18:19We don't be late.
18:20Empty handed and all.
18:21Okay, so if y'all get married to a bitch and y'all get divorced, who kid is it?
18:27Yeah, that was close.
18:28That's hell.
18:29How'd you get out?
18:31Through the window.
18:32Oh, shit.
18:33High key.
18:34When Tracy called, I thought that was her in the house.
18:38Me, too.
18:39She cannot find out about us.
18:41Nigga, we on the same page.
18:43Yo, we gotta chill.
18:44You being over here is too risky.
18:47Did you get all your shit from the bedroom?
18:49Yeah, I got everything.
18:50All right, cool.
18:52Hey, wait, hold on.
18:53So we can't kick it no more?
18:56Nah, it's too messy.
18:59I thought you liked messy.
19:02See?
19:03That's what I'm talking about.
19:06All right.
19:07That's a bet.
19:08That's all that one.
19:09I ain't bet.
19:10Bet what?
19:13Uh, this nigga bet me and the Lakers gonna beat the Celtics.
19:17Man, fuck the Celtics.
19:19You always been an op.
19:20You can shut up.
19:21Nah, I'm joking.
19:22But nah, real talk, they probably gonna lose, though.
19:25I hope you didn't put too much money on the game.
19:27Feel me?
19:27I did, because I'm a risk taker.
19:29You know what I'm saying?
19:30Lakers till I die, baby.
19:32Y'all come on in here.
19:35That's what I'm talking about.
19:36All right, let's go.
19:48All right.
19:49Let's go.
19:50She likes it when I pull up on a beach outside.
19:54She walks out.
19:57She knows just what I came in for.
20:01I wonder how long it'll take me to grow dreadlocks.
20:04What'd you think?
20:06Brucie?
20:07What's up, baby?
20:09You ever think about moving out of L.A.?
20:12Uh, nah.
20:14Everything I care about is right here.
20:16Family, friends, you.
20:19Me?
20:20Yeah, you.
20:22Of course you.
20:24Plus, I've been every place else, and there ain't no place like L.A.
20:27Why you ask?
20:29No reason.
20:30I was just wondering.
20:32Just wondering?
20:33That's a random question.
20:35I was just curious.
20:36That's all.
20:37Oh, okay.
20:39But, uh, yeah.
20:41I can see me living nowhere else.
20:43Ain't nothing like L.A.
20:45To live and die in L.A.
20:47I can see you in L.A.
20:49I can see you in L.A.
21:00I can see you in L.A.
21:02I can see you in L.A.
21:04I can see you in L.A.
21:05I can see you in L.A.
21:06I can see you in L.A.
21:07I can see you in L.A.
21:08I can see you in L.A.
22:00You sleep?
22:03Uh-huh.
22:10What about now?
22:22Um, snaps.
22:24I gotta go.
22:26What you mean you gotta go?
22:28Don't you gotta work at what?
22:30Yeah, but I gotta go home, change clothes, and I wanted to get to the shop early so I could
22:36shop with it with Reese.
22:37You know, we haven't really talked like that in a while.
22:39See, if you would just leave more than just one outfit here, you wouldn't have to go home.
22:45I guess you're right.
22:49All I'm saying is, you might as well just move in.
22:58Move in?
23:00Yeah.
23:01You always here anyways.
23:03Why not?
23:05I don't know.
23:06I don't know if we're ready for all that.
23:08Shit.
23:10I'm ready, baby.
23:14But like, you know, you have your space, and I have my space.
23:19I feel like, you know, we shouldn't really mess with that dynamic right now.
23:22I understand, but I got an extra room, and I know you got hella clothes, so I got more space
23:29for you.
23:29You can put your little candles up, smell like pomegranate, smell good up in here, because I know you like
23:35his smell goods.
23:40As amazing as that sounds, I feel like we should just keep it how it is right now.
23:47Is that cool?
23:50I guess.
23:52It's your independent ass.
23:56Miss Independent, that's why I love her.
24:01She wanna move in, but she don't know.
24:06You know you wanna move in.
24:07I got about 30 rounds, girl.
24:08What you mean?
24:10You sound good, though.
24:11I sound good.
24:12Except for the move-in part.
24:13Except for the move-in part?
24:14Yeah, yeah.
24:14Okay.
24:15You know that the acoustics go way better in the bedroom.
24:18You wanna...
24:19It's an echo.
24:21Oops.
24:45What up?
24:46What up, you home?
24:47Yeah, why?
24:48I think I left my dog tags over there.
24:50Your what?
24:52My dog tags.
24:53Man, listen.
24:54We be doing some freaky shit, but I think I'd remember if I put a collar on you.
24:58My necklace, fool.
25:00I think I left it on your side table.
25:02Oh.
25:03Let me check.
25:07Yeah, it's here.
25:08Cool.
25:08Can I come get him real quick?
25:09Nah, I gotta get to work, and I gotta open up.
25:12Okay, well, can I pull up?
25:13I don't want your ass losing him.
25:15First of all, nigga, you lost him.
25:17Hence, you calling me looking for him.
25:19But, yeah, you can come to the shop.
25:21Yeah, whatever, nigga.
25:22I'm gonna see you in a minute.
25:37What's up?
25:38What up?
25:40You got my stuff?
25:41Yeah, it's in the back.
25:44So, what's the plan for later?
25:46Shit, you tell me.
25:47I mean, we can get it to whatever.
25:50That sound good to me.
25:52Hey, what's up?
25:54Hey, Nadia.
25:55Here she is.
25:56I'm gonna go get your shit from the back.
26:00Okay.
26:01Hey, you looking bright today.
26:03What's up?
26:04I'm not.
26:04You just chilling.
26:06Hey, you know my niggas say I'm still on your body, right?
26:08And I'm still not interested.
26:09Oh, that's right.
26:10You got a man now, huh?
26:12Mm, I do.
26:13I do.
26:13Hmm.
26:14I don't partake in the sausage, but congrats.
26:17Today?
26:18You don't.
26:18Either way, thank you.
26:20So, what brings you in today?
26:22You looking for something in particular?
26:25What's up?
26:25Um, new visor.
26:30You in these bright-ass colors.
26:31You came all the way for a visor?
26:33Y'all got nice visors.
26:36Um, I don't think this your size, actually.
26:38I'm gonna have to go in the back and get you, what is it, a 2X?
26:41Let me check.
26:41I'll be right back.
26:42Right.
26:43Okay.
26:52What the fuck?
27:24I'll be right back.
27:25Yeah.
27:26Shut up.
27:34We've been here way before now.
27:39No, the story doesn't change.
27:44Can't let go, cause you let it down.
27:49I just tried to do the game.
27:55Thought I was more, did you haunt me?
27:58More, did you haunt me now?
28:04Thought I was more, did you haunt me?
28:08More, did you haunt me now?
28:12To the max.
28:22Well, as you know, I just did.
28:23Yeah.
28:23What about myself?
28:24What about myself?
28:25Good.
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