- 18 hours ago
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00:11Oh, my God.
00:44Yes. Oysters, that's it, yes. I'll start off with oysters. That'll get her going.
00:51Pass the mayonnaise, please.
00:52Oh, right. Joe, you're not going to eat that, are you? I mean, you only had breakfast an hour ago.
01:00One boiled egg. Yes, but you're on a diet.
01:04And I'm sticking to it. For breakfast, lunch and dinner. This isn't a meal time. It doesn't count.
01:10Just don't put it in my direction when you take a bite of it, that's all.
01:15Have you been stubbing your cigarettes out on my rubber plant?
01:18Not me. It must be Greenfly.
01:20Greenfly? Do not smoke.
01:22And they certainly don't write telephone numbers on leaves.
01:25I couldn't buy the pad.
01:27I'm sorry you ever found this one.
01:29Whose telephone number is it, anyway?
01:31Well, it's the garden centre. I want to check whether the stubbing out fag on a rubber plant did it
01:34any harm.
01:36Oh, it just needs feeding, that's all.
01:38Oh, that's your answer to everything.
01:41What happened to your diet sheet?
01:43She ate it. Now, listen.
01:45Would you eat oysters?
01:46Only if there's a rich boyfriend in the month.
01:50The Sex Maniacs cookbook?
01:52Yeah, it's for tonight.
01:53Which bit? The Sex Maniac or the cooking?
01:55Both.
01:56He's got this girl coming round from his technical college.
01:58Oh, she's just one of my legion of adoring fans.
02:01You know, she's studying biology, so I thought tonight I might be able to give a bit of help on
02:04the practical side.
02:06She may adore you, but she's certainly not your biggest fan.
02:09No?
02:09No, you are.
02:10Yes, that is true, yes.
02:11Now, come on, seriously, Chrissie Jo, you must have eaten oysters at some time.
02:15Yeah.
02:16Well, I mean, did it make you feel any, you know, different afterwards?
02:20I was in bed for three days.
02:22Terrific.
02:24All right, we'll definitely start with oysters.
02:26I have food poisoning.
02:27Oh, listen, don't bother me with reasons.
02:29Now, to follow them, we shall have steak tartare.
02:33Yes.
02:34Raw steak with eggs and onions.
02:37Ugh!
02:38Listen, don't knock it.
02:40Rumour has it that steak tartare is the downfall of Doris Day, right?
02:44Right, you're coming down to the supermarket.
02:45Oh, might as well.
02:46We're getting a bit low on cornflakes.
02:48How terribly, terrible boring.
02:52Soup.
02:54Uh, vinegar.
02:57Tomato sauce.
02:58Hey, listen, you haven't seen any fresh, whistable oysters around anywhere, have you?
03:02No.
03:03Well, it's just as well.
03:04I couldn't afford them anyway.
03:05Look, why don't you try lettuce?
03:06That's cheap.
03:07Rabbits do all right with it.
03:11Powdered bark.
03:14Uh, excuse me.
03:15Yes?
03:16Uh, look, I know...
03:19I know the answer before I ask the question,
03:22but you wouldn't by any chance happen to have some powdered bark of the Yohombi tree.
03:26If birds eye don't do it, we haven't got it.
03:30Hey, what's she like?
03:33Oh, Angie.
03:34Is that her name?
03:35Yeah, oh, Angie, she's got a figure, like...
03:37A kind of pork sausages, please.
03:38It's quite similar.
03:40Oh, and, uh, that nice red piece of meat.
03:43Look, it's not really that colour, you know.
03:46It's the red light they've got underneath there.
03:47Now, you take it outside, you'll soon see the difference.
03:50Look, I want it to eat.
03:51Not too much my handbag.
03:54No powdered rhinoceros horn, I suppose.
03:58Oh, yes, we've got that.
04:01Have you?
04:02It's over there, under aphrodisiacs.
04:05It's tuppence-offy this week.
04:09And what do you think?
04:13Any luck?
04:14No.
04:15Actually, no.
04:16I thought it's a bit mean, really, trying to get her going, you know, on all that sexy food.
04:20So I've decided on the traditional English method.
04:22Which is?
04:24I'm going to get her pissed.
04:28Oh, hello, hello, Chrissy.
04:29What do you have here?
04:30Oh, a pint, please.
04:31A lager, please.
04:32Right.
04:32Uh, you'd better come with me.
04:34I ain't got no money.
04:37Hey, did you get my slimming bread?
04:39Yeah.
04:39Doesn't seem to be doing you much good.
04:41Oh, perhaps I'm not eating enough of it.
04:44Right.
04:45Uh, a pint and a lager, Jim, please.
04:47And, uh, one for meself while I'm at it.
04:49And another pint, please.
04:50What's Joe drinking?
04:51Uh, Slimline Jim.
04:52And a Slimline Gin-Gin.
04:54Uh, Gin-Gim.
04:56Right.
04:57Here, do you want to get me out tonight?
04:58I'm getting the walls ready for papering.
05:00No, I'm sorry.
05:00I've got a girl coming round tonight.
05:02Oh, here.
05:03We'll both be stripping off their notes.
05:07Anyone I know?
05:09Angie.
05:10Angie?
05:11Biology?
05:12You won't get far there, mate.
05:14She'd give me the big no already.
05:16Listen, where the pupil fails, the master may succeed.
05:19She's convent-educated.
05:21Don't spread it around.
05:22Know what I mean?
05:23They're dead loss.
05:24Listen, she may be cold on the outside,
05:27but inside there's this fierce heat glowing.
05:31You're talking about her as if she's a compost heap.
05:34No, it's not just her.
05:35It's women generally.
05:36No, Joan of Arc didn't spread it about.
05:39Florence Nightingale didn't spread it about.
05:41What does that make them?
05:42Dead, so let that be a warning to you.
05:44Not my opinion.
05:46We'd be better off without them, then.
05:48Oh, well, pay for these, will you?
05:51She wants to have it both ways.
05:53Does she?
06:00Here.
06:01I've got them, Mildred.
06:03The holiday snaps.
06:03And every one of them's turned out.
06:05Oh, God.
06:07Yeah.
06:08I sometimes think it's the best part of the holiday,
06:10looking at the photos after.
06:11Well, it's got to be the best part of that holiday.
06:13I mean, it'd tiddled down for ten days.
06:16And you still managed to get sunstroke.
06:20Well, look on the bright side, Mildred.
06:22I mean, you were laid up with Spanish tummy.
06:24You couldn't go out anyway.
06:26Hey, hey, look, there we are.
06:27That's the one I took from the plane over Benidorm.
06:30It's just a lot of clouds, George.
06:32Yeah, I know, but underneath them is Benidorm.
06:35Why, look, there's that customs officer.
06:38Look at his face.
06:39Yes, well, I mean,
06:40you shouldn't have tried your Spanish out on him.
06:42No, they're very touchy about their mothers, the Spanish.
06:44Yeah?
06:45That's the jail.
06:47No, George.
06:48That's our hotel.
06:50Very similar, I grant you.
06:52What do you expect for 27 quid,
06:54including the flight,
06:55and with the meals thrown in?
06:56Thrown in is right.
06:58Oh, hello, Mr. Tripp.
07:01I'll bring him in.
07:02Come in, son.
07:02I've got my holiday snacks.
07:03They're even more boring than they were last year
07:05when you forgot to take the lens cap off.
07:08Actually, I just came to borrow my omelette pan back, as it were.
07:12Oh, I haven't still got it, have I?
07:14Oh, I'm sorry, love.
07:15It's in the kitchen.
07:16It won't be a second.
07:17Hey, come on, son, sit down.
07:20Hey, look.
07:23There are the dustbins under the hotel balcony.
07:28Very nice.
07:29Yeah, oh, the focus in there was spot on.
07:31You can see every flight.
07:33What's that fuzzy bit in the foreground there?
07:36Oh, that's Mildred.
07:38There you are.
07:39That's the beach.
07:41Oh, no, that's very effective, isn't it?
07:43You know, the way the setting sun seems to glance off the oil slick.
07:46Yeah.
07:47That's the local abattoir.
07:50What do you think of that?
07:52A bit of chocolate boxes.
07:54She's not going to be very long, is she?
07:55Eh?
07:56Oh, no, no.
07:57Hey, look, hey.
07:58There's a flamingo dancer in the nightclub.
08:00I had a flash there.
08:06Oh, here you are, Mr Tripp.
08:08Your reprieve has come through.
08:09Oh, good.
08:11I mean, you know, not that the snapshots weren't absolutely, you know, fascinating.
08:15Yeah, I've got another seven rolls here.
08:16Well, actually, I have got somebody coming up.
08:18Hey, you haven't seen the best one yet.
08:20That's Mildred changing out of her costume.
08:22Oh.
08:23You didn't know I took that, did you?
08:26George!
08:33You're like a spider in the middle of your web waiting to trap her.
08:38Jealousy is a terrible thing to see in a woman, Chrissie.
08:41I'm not jealous.
08:43I see you are, eh?
08:45Just a fraction, eh?
08:47Just an itsy-beenie bit, eh?
08:49Go on, admit it.
08:50Just a teeny-weeny, itsy-bitsy little bit.
08:53Come on.
08:53Go on, admit it.
08:54Give it something to yourself.
08:55Go and stuff your peppers.
08:58I have already stuffed my peppers with hot, spicy meat.
09:02To give her a thirst.
09:04Typical.
09:04How long have you known this poor girl?
09:06Oh, well, you know, I've taken her out a couple of times to the disco, cinema,
09:10and tonight, with a bit of luck, bingo.
09:15Honestly, that's all he ever thinks about.
09:17Sex.
09:17Well, you were only in there for two minutes.
09:19Not with me.
09:21Oh, I thought you were annoyed about something.
09:23Coming upstairs to help Larry?
09:24No, I might as well.
09:25I'm getting booted out of here.
09:26You're not being booted out of here.
09:29Ouch!
09:30Oh, look what you've done now.
09:31It's just simply that it is my turn tonight to have the flat to myself.
09:34Now, if you'd like to stay, that is fine.
09:36Then I shall boot you out.
09:37Come on.
09:38Yeah, well, I think I'll put a smock on first.
09:41Larry paints like a lawn sprinkler.
09:44Oh, and Joe, a word of warning.
09:46Watch Larry.
09:47He's like a spider in the middle of his web, waiting.
09:50I'm only going up there to hold his ladder.
09:52That's how it always starts.
09:59Da-da-da-da.
10:03Da-da-da-da.
10:07Da-da-da-da-da.
10:08Ha-ha-ha.
10:09Do it.
10:34you're not careful you'll frighten Miss Muffet away just scene setting now I'll
10:39come on Chris you know scram come on listen Robin yeah have you got any genuine feelings for this
10:45Angie yes of course apart from lust oh I see you're talking about love and respect and
10:53sharing and and caring for her I've got none of that just lust I'll tell you you're the cleaning
11:01woman just say hello goodbye and then get up hello Angie come in can I take a coat oh this
11:12is
11:12uh Chrissie yes Angela how long have you been in London about three months why didn't you phone
11:19didn't know where you lived we're here we're sure uh you you two know each other yeah we were at
11:24school
11:24together oh isn't that great uh she's just going I haven't seen her for years oh don't rush off we're
11:33only going to eat and play records and chat aren't we uh well yes do you know who I bumped
11:37into the
11:37the other day hello Jillian not Jillian with the bad teeth and the flat chest she's had them capped
11:43oh I didn't know they could do that they found them to a point and then fit new ones on
11:50Chrissie I don't want to keep if you have to you know yeah well um I better go
11:54Robbie's got plans dinner and so forth oh couldn't you stretch it so that Chrissie could have some
12:02oh
12:02oh
12:02oh
12:33That's Larry.
12:34Then he put his other arm round me.
12:35Typical.
12:36And he hoisted me up the ladder to whitewish his blasted ceiling.
12:40Well, I meant to come up, but Angela and I had lots to talk about.
12:44Old times, people we knew.
12:46Didn't Robin mind?
12:47Did Robin mind?
12:50Robin sat there for three solid hours,
12:52listening to hockey, netball, Gillian the school swat,
12:55Miss Whittaker, the popular games mistress.
12:58Would you like to know about Miss Whittaker?
12:59Because Robin knows her life story.
13:01And then Robin eventually went to bed and left them to it.
13:04No, he didn't mind.
13:06I think he did.
13:07Look, she wanted me to stay.
13:08We were friends.
13:10I mean, I used to look after her a bit when we were at school.
13:13But Chrissie, she's not still in Blue Woolly Bloomers.
13:15She wouldn't have been in any Bloomers if I'd left her alone with him.
13:19So you stayed here and played Goodsbury in the manger?
13:22Then there was Aileen, the fourth-form tomboy.
13:25Who used to flick ink pellets.
13:27And Chrissie got blamed for it, didn't you, Chrissie?
13:29And you know, they took away her job as milk monitor, didn't they, Chrissie?
13:32It really got top of that.
13:34Well, I didn't flick the ink pellet.
13:37Oh, I'm staying out of this one.
13:40The thing is, she's...
13:41Well, she's serious about him.
13:43She told me so.
13:44And he isn't serious at all.
13:46You look pretty serious just now.
13:48Morning, all.
13:48Oh, God.
13:49Can I borrow a plate?
13:51Oh.
13:52Can I borrow some egg and bacon to put on it?
13:55And a knife and fork?
13:56Take the cooker.
13:57No, I've got one of me own.
13:58And it's not connected.
14:01Here.
14:02There's little bits of coal in this.
14:04They're mushrooms.
14:05Oh, sorry.
14:06Look like coal.
14:09It smells like coal.
14:12Yeah, I'll tell you a sign.
14:15You coming down to the pub later?
14:16Yeah, wouldn't miss it.
14:17Best session of the week, Sunday lunchtime.
14:19A few jars.
14:21A few giggles.
14:22Happy, smiling faces.
14:39Right.
14:41I'll get these in.
14:45I don't blame you for being mad.
14:47You fouled up this evening.
14:48She didn't know what she was letting herself in for.
14:51You're not her mother.
14:53I was her milk monitor.
14:54That carries some responsibility.
14:57Not for life.
14:59Oh, same again, Jim, please.
15:00You know, one of my favourites.
15:01Oh, hello, son.
15:02Here, one of my favourites.
15:03Look, I'm sorry I find holiday snaps very boring.
15:06Oh, yes, so do I.
15:07Other people's.
15:08Yeah, there we are.
15:09One of my favourites.
15:10A Spanish lamppost.
15:13I mean, there they were, and there were you, hanging about like a spare cake at a wedding.
15:19If you think I was wrong, just say so.
15:21You were wrong?
15:22Well, I want your opinion.
15:23I'll ask for it.
15:25What do you think?
15:26Do you want an honest answer?
15:27No, I want you to agree with me.
15:29Well, I don't.
15:30I agree with him.
15:31I think you were wrong, and I think you ought to apologise.
15:37There we are.
15:43All right, I'm sorry.
15:46Sorry, are you talking to me?
15:48Oh, don't be so awkward.
15:49I said I was sorry, and it's very difficult to say you're sorry when you're not.
15:56Apologies accepted.
15:58You stop sulking.
16:00Eventually.
16:01Oh, come on, mate.
16:03There'd be other evenings.
16:04You're taking her out tonight.
16:06To the cinema.
16:07You can't do a lot in the cinema, can you?
16:08Yeah, that's true.
16:09You're liable to end up with your foot in somebody's strawberry ripple.
16:14And will there be other evenings when you have the flat to yourself?
16:18Yes, tonight.
16:19Yep.
16:20The two of you can go out tonight.
16:22Where to?
16:22Hello, everyone.
16:23Do you mind if I join you?
16:24Ah, Mr. Roper.
16:25Mr. Roper, we were just saying how fantastic it would be if we all came down and had a look
16:30at your holiday snaps.
16:32Oh, yeah.
16:33Yeah, right, certainly.
16:35Unfortunately, I won't be able to come down myself, you know, because I've got somebody
16:38coming around.
16:38No, no, neither can I.
16:39I'm decorating.
16:41Oh, neither can I, because I'm going to help him, aren't I?
16:43Oh, so it's just you then?
16:46Yes.
16:46Yes.
16:47Ha, ha, ha.
16:52Ha, ha, ha.
17:16SHE SINGS
17:28You dropped me right in it.
17:30Yes I did, didn't I.
17:32Come on, but you're making somebody happy
17:34Oh
17:35Yes, now come on, you are
17:36I mean, you're making Mr Roper happy
17:38And you're giving me a couple of giggles just to thought of it
17:41So come on
17:42What do you think of my little web?
17:45Robin
17:45Yeah?
17:46Oh, nothing
17:48Now come on, what is it?
17:49Well, look, Angela hasn't been around very much
17:53She's liable to take this sort of thing more seriously than you do
17:57She's had a lot to do with horses
18:03Horses
18:04And nuns
18:08Girls who've had a lot to do with horses
18:09Don't often know a lot about men
18:12And life
18:12Well, if you think it would make her feel easier, I could wear a nose bag
18:17You haven't understood a thing I'm saying
18:19Oh, are you two having another argument?
18:21No, just the same old one
18:22Now, come on, off you go before she arrives
18:24Look, it won't do any harm just to say hello
18:25Yes, it will, because you'll start talking about Miss Whittaker
18:28And netball
18:29And horses and nuns
18:31Now, come on, off you go
18:32Go on, out
18:35Oh, and don't come back before midnight
18:40Fancy swapping?
18:42Not likely
18:42Thank you
18:47Hello, Chrissy
18:48Oh, hi
18:48Is Robin ready?
18:50What for?
18:51We're going to the cinema
18:51No, you're not
18:53Listen, Angela
18:53If you know what you're doing, fair enough
18:55But if you don't know what you're doing, don't do it
18:57Oh
18:58Look, Robin's only interested in a Christmas
19:01Hello, come in, come in
19:02Hello, evening
19:05Here
19:06I've just dug out some from Cornwall the year before last
19:11Who was that?
19:12Just a fly
19:14Welcome to my parlour
19:16Can I take your coat?
19:17We're not going to the cinema, then?
19:19Well, no
19:20I mean, it's only Curse of the Zombies
19:22And it'll be on TV in five years' time
19:24So what's the hurry?
19:26Sit down
19:27Now, tell me
19:28What do you drink besides milk?
19:32Scott?
19:33Yes, please
19:36With lots of soda
19:38Oh, yes
19:44Tell me
19:46Have you been doing much riding lately?
19:50A bit
19:50Do you ride?
19:52Well, you know
19:53On and off
19:56No, it is
19:57But I can't keep my feet in the stirrup clubs
20:00Well, cheers
20:03Oh, George
20:04For heaven's sake
20:05Let's have an interval
20:06I mean, even gone with the wind at an interval
20:11I've just dug out the wedding photos
20:14Can't you find something happier to show her?
20:16You know, a happy occasion?
20:17Well, that was a happy occasion
20:18For better or for worse
20:19Richer or poorer
20:20In sickness or in health
20:21Mmm
20:22I lost a toss on every one
20:25There you are
20:26There's Mildred
20:28There's Mildred
20:31Oh, you were married in black
20:32No, dear
20:33No, no
20:34Navy blue
20:34C&A
20:35Sale
20:36£8.10
20:37It's a very nice outfit
20:39Oh, it's in the wardrobe
20:40If you want to see it
20:41It's still my best
20:42Yeah
20:44That's cutting the cake
20:45I was in uniform then, of course
20:47Yeah
20:48How long were you a bus conductor?
20:51About a fortnight
20:52There are
20:53That's outside the church
20:54Oh, George
20:55Come on, now
20:56She's had enough
20:56I've had enough
20:57Put them away
20:58Well, I thought she might be interested
21:00Sure, isn't it marvellous
21:01There's no stopping him, you know
21:03Once he gets going
21:04Who?
21:05Somewhere else
21:05Oh, him
21:06Yeah
21:07I mean, he'll keep it up
21:08Until he's blue in the face
21:09Yeah
21:10Never take no for an answer
21:12Some people are interested in photography
21:14It's a pity that young fella couldn't come down
21:16And his lady friend
21:17They might have appreciated these
21:18Another sherry, dear
21:19You're right
21:20Eh?
21:21Well, they are very good
21:22No, I think you've had enough
21:25I mean, they don't know what they're missing upstairs
21:27Yeah
21:27Hey, perhaps you could go up and ask them
21:29Oh, no, no, no
21:30I wouldn't like to intrude
21:32But there's nothing to stop you popping up there
21:34Yeah
21:37I mean, look at it this way, Angie
21:41What's the most important thing in biology?
21:45The sitting guilds exam
21:49Yes, that too
21:51No, I didn't quite mean that
21:52Let me put it another way
21:55We've explored each other's minds
21:57Yes
21:59Well, I mean, don't you think it's time we moved on?
22:05Are you really serious?
22:07Oh, yes, I'm serious
22:10All right, then
22:12It's great
22:16You won't expect too much
22:18It's my first time
22:19No, no, don't
22:20You are kidding
22:24No
22:25What, you mean I'd be the...
22:28Yes
22:30I know it's old-fashioned
22:31But I've been saving myself
22:33For someone who is really serious about me
22:36Well, Angie, yes
22:37I am a bit serious
22:38A bit
22:39Some men just think of women as sex objects
22:43Yes, they do
22:44And Sister Therese always said it was wrong to
22:46You know
22:47Unless you're married
22:48Oh
22:50Nowadays, I think it's perfectly all right
22:52Even before we're married
22:53Now, look, Angie
22:55Angie
22:55There are a lot of men
22:59In this world that you shouldn't trust
23:00You know
23:01I mean, they're like a spider
23:03In the middle
23:04Don't undo anything else
23:10Is it your first time, too?
23:15Well, I mean
23:16It's the first time that I've
23:19For the first time, you see
23:21And, you see
23:23Oh, my God
23:23You see
23:24I think men and women
23:26Should get to sort of know each other first
23:28You see
23:29Before they get married
23:30Well, we've explored each other's minds
23:32No, I didn't mean that, you see
23:34You see
23:34I'm not ready
23:36Oh, you've got it all evening
23:38No, Angie
23:38For marriage
23:41You see
23:41I mean
23:42You don't know a lot, do you?
23:44I mean
23:44About men
23:44And life
23:49Oh, hello
23:50Oh, young Chrissie
23:51It said that you might be interested
23:52In looking through me
23:53Stop shots
23:54Great
23:56Come on, sit down there
23:57Now, this is Mr Roper
23:59This is Angie
23:59Now, show them that one of the abattoir
24:01And the Spanish lamppost
24:02I mean
24:03Oh, you must show her that one
24:04And not that one of the dustbin
24:05That's an absolute gem
24:07Where is it?
24:07Yes, sir
24:09Thank you
24:10Thank you
24:11Thank you
24:12Thank you
24:13Thank you
24:14Thank you
24:27Thank you
24:45Thank you
24:53Thank you
24:53Thank you
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