00:00Please don't tell everyone I don't like dogs.
00:03But Brad loves dogs.
00:04Brad is in for a rude awakening, huh.
00:09I have a surprise for you.
00:11I was watching that.
00:12You have been sad and single for way too long.
00:14I'm not sad.
00:16You've been rewatching The Bachelor for months.
00:19Okay, yes, but reality TV is my comfort hyperfixation.
00:22Ouch!
00:23It's time to bring in our three eligible bachelors!
00:27Who are you talking to?
00:28Yes!
00:33Bachelor number one.
00:35What makes your clock tick?
00:37What is your joie de vivre?
00:39Amy, no.
00:41I'm Noah.
00:41I'm an actor and I write my own poetry.
00:45Specifically in iambic pentameter.
00:47Oh my god.
00:50Your hair like fine strands of brown spaghetti.
00:55And your lips like two meatballs.
01:02That is actually rude.
01:03It's giving sexy and hungry.
01:08Bachelor number two.
01:09Same question to you.
01:15Mr.
01:16Hi, I'm Arthur.
01:19I have a degree in computer science.
01:22And I have a labradoodle named Noodle.
01:27I guess my joie de vivre would be that I know the first 200 digits of pie.
01:38Oh, okay.
01:42Noodle the doodle.
01:43Noodle the doodle.
01:43That is so funny, isn't it?
01:48Bachelor number three.
01:50Show us your soul.
01:53I'm Leo.
01:55But on the stage, they call me the tip.
02:00Because ladies only need just the tip.
02:04Is it hot in here or is it just me?
02:07And what is it that you do?
02:10I'm a new dad.
02:11This is little Thor.
02:15Awww.
02:16Hung like a fucking donkey.
02:18A baby.
02:21And I'm a little bit of a dancer.
02:24Wow.
02:24What kind of dance do you do, Leo?
02:27Or should we call you the tip?
02:29Well, it's Mr. Big the tip to you.
02:32And let me show you.
02:34Oh, no, no, no, no.
02:35You guys want it?
02:37Yeah?
02:37Yeah?
02:38Yeah, it's so good.
02:39Yeah.
02:40Woo!
02:40Woo!
02:41Woo!
02:41Woo!
02:42Woo!
02:42Woo!
02:42Woo!
02:42Woo!
02:42Woo!
02:43Woo!
02:45Woo!
02:51Alice the Camel has four humps.
02:54Alice the Camel has four humps.
02:58Wow.
02:58Go!
02:59That is an interesting song choice.
03:02Ever since I'm Lil Thor, I like to keep my work PG.
03:04Cool.
03:05I am done with the toddler's strip tease.
03:07I can dance too.
03:08You!
03:09Alice the Camel has three humps.
03:13Alice the Camel has three humps.
03:15Alice the Camel has three.
03:15Three!
03:16Three point one, four five, nine, two, six, five, three, eight, nine, seven, nine, three, two,
03:19two, three, eight, four, six, four, three, three, eight, three, seven.
03:21Get out.
03:22Nine, five o, two, eight, eight, four, one, nine, seven.
03:24Move it!
03:25It's gonna get hit.
03:2525-5, 2, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 7, 5, 1, 0, 5, 8, 20, 0, 9, 7, 4,
03:299, 4, 9, 4, 9, 4…
03:31And, uh, which of these bachelors are you going to choose, Dana?
03:36Dana?
03:37You done?
03:39What?
03:40Are you telling me that you seriously are not interested in any of these guys?
03:44No.
03:46Is it so strange that a woman who's almost 30 can just be happy and single?
03:51Well, you're watching The Bachelor alone on a Friday night.
03:55Yes, and we used to do this all the time before you started dating Brad.
03:57Now that you're in a relationship, you just think that everyone else has to be.
04:05You're right.
04:08I'm sorry.
04:12Can we watch shitty reality TV together?
04:16Yes.
04:18Girl power!
04:19Right on!
04:21You need a go.
04:23Ladies, sorry to do this.
04:25Um, that's actually just 75 bucks for the dance.
04:28Let's not over stand your welcome.
04:30Can't believe she didn't offer to pay the tip.
04:36Oh!
04:36Oh!
04:37Oh!
04:39Oh!
04:41Oh!
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