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FunTranscript
00:00You get married tonight, Vito.
00:03Get out, and don't come back until you have my rent, you deadbeat!
00:12Five hundred bucks. I can survive this. I have to.
00:18You get married tonight, Vito, or I swear on your father's grave, the church gets every single penny of this
00:26family's empire.
00:27Grandma, put the damn gun down. You're going to give yourself a heart attack.
00:32Boss, the bride, she took the money and ran. An hour ago.
00:37Find me a woman! Now! Or I'll bury you all!
00:44My chest!
00:45You see this? Find someone! Anyone in a dress! Do it before she dies!
00:54Delivery? Anyone ordered a...
00:58Boss, I think I just found our runaway bride.
01:06Wrong. Wrong address?
01:09Look at this gorgeous face!
01:12My sweet grandar-in-law!
01:23Move again, and I'll turn your head into Swiss jean.
01:41Whoa! Whoa!
01:44Whoa!
01:44Whoa!
01:47Whoa!
01:49Whoa!
01:54Blow this cover, and you're a dead man.
01:59Oh, oh, look at this gorgeous face.
02:04My sweet granddaughter-in-law.
02:10You may now kiss the bride.
02:20Move it, bride. Let's get down to business.
02:24You play the devoted wife for one month, until the old lady passes naturally.
02:33Once it's over, you get a million bucks, and all your debts are wiped clean.
02:37Million? Deal. But can I at least take off this suffocating corset?
02:43How about you stop breathing permanently? Sign the paper.
02:47Signing. I love corsets. Best invention ever.
02:56I'll be checking the bedsheets for blood tomorrow morning.
03:01Do not dare sleep in separate beds.
03:17Cross this line, and I chop off your legs.
03:23Disgusting. Just shut up and go to sleep.
03:33Good morning, lovebirds.
03:36Just checking on the progress.
03:43Morning, darling.
03:47Listen to me, child. If you want to rule a Romano man, you can't be soft.
03:55When he misbehaves, you punish him. You spank his ass. Show him who's the real boss.
04:03Oh, absolutely. Spank the bad boy. Got it.
04:07A million dollars of firepower hijacked!
04:10Who the hell leaked our route?
04:13Boss, we are investigating.
04:19What do you think you're doing? Get out!
04:21No yelling at work, honey. Bad boys need a timeout.
04:26You got a death wish?
04:32Touch me like that again, and they'll be fishing pieces of you out of the harbor.
04:37I... I was just playing the part for Grandma!
04:41Well, well. So this is the legendary new bride.
04:45Who let you in, Sophia? This is Romano territory, not your playground.
04:50Slouching shoulders, cheap posture. Look at this pathetic thing.
04:54You think this trash deserves to be the Donna of the Romano family? You must be blind, Vio.
05:00Trash? Honey, I might be cheap, but at least I'm not a desperate ex.
05:05Breaking and entering, just to sniff around what she can't have anymore.
05:12Don't you dare talk to me like that!
05:14Let go of me, you crazy psycho.
05:20Calluses? Thick, huge knuckles?
05:23A true socialete would never have the hands of a dock worker.
05:28Enjoy your little, pathetic dress while it lasts.
05:31I will expose exactly what you are, you fake.
05:39It's a 14th century antique. Pigeon blood ruby.
05:44But I suppose a girl from the streets has never seen anything so magnificent.
05:51Have you lost your mind?
05:55Magnificent? It looks like an overpriced dog collar.
05:58How dare you! My husband bought this to prove his eternal love.
06:02Eternal love, please. While you are guarding this stupid rock, he is out making history with his mistresses.
06:08Stop this nonsense immediately.
06:10A mafia widow-style marriage is a total scam.
06:13You're just crying in a mansion, pretending a cold stone loves you back.
06:18You're so right! He hasn't slept in our bed for two years!
06:23I am so lonely, bestie.
06:26Teach me how to be strong like you.
06:28Uh, there, there. Stand up and fight for your rights, girl.
06:31Take it. I don't need this stupid rock anymore.
06:34You are my only true friend.
06:35Well, if you insist.
06:39What an inspiring speech.
06:41All this talking must have made you thirsty, sister.
06:44Have some fresh tea.
06:56Oh, God.
06:57What the hell was in that tea?
07:00Bathroom! I need a bathroom right now or I'm gonna explode!
07:07Right this way, Mrs. Romano. The ladies' room is all yours.
07:11If I go in there, they'll see I stand up to weep.
07:15If I use the men's room, my cover is blown and I'm dead meat.
07:20What's the matter, darling? Not used to sitting down on the toilet?
07:23I can't do this. I have to tell...
07:26Darling!
07:30Vito, stop! She needs to use the...
07:32My wife doesn't use dirty public restrooms.
07:40Handle your business.
07:42Don't make a mess in my sanctuary.
07:43You're my real lifesaver.
07:45I love you, boss.
07:49You think you can protect her forever, Vito?
07:51Watch me tear her down to pieces!
07:55The dumb bored driver.
07:57He'll be my way in.
07:59Nobody touches my driver's burger.
08:03Boss lady!
08:05Let's see how long a spoiled can last.
08:07You're gonna puke your guts out.
08:12Ow!
08:14Ow!
08:15Son of...
08:16Screw this heat.
08:17I can't breathe in this mop.
08:24Tougher than she looks.
08:26Hey, big guy!
08:27Hit the brakes!
08:28Pull over at that corner!
08:32Eat it, Tony.
08:33Don't be a snob.
08:34This is the real deal.
08:37You...
08:38You eat street food, ma'am?
08:39Red stew!
08:40Old lady!
08:41Hand over the cops!
08:44Nice ride!
08:45Give me that burger, fatso!
08:49Nobody touches my driver's burger.
08:54Scram, before I make it worse.
08:55Boss lady!
08:57You...
08:57You are so incredibly manly!
09:01Obviously, Tony.
09:02Just regular female self-defense.
09:06A high-class mafia wife brawling in the slums with a steel chair?
09:09Let's see how Vito explains this wild animal to the elders.
09:15Who's there?
09:25Are we doing the whole brooding Batman routine?
09:30Put the gun away, boss.
09:32It's just me.
09:32You are playing with fire, Danny.
09:34Give it back.
09:36Damn!
09:37You drink galline for fun?
09:39Look, I get it.
09:41Mafia king.
09:42Heavy crown.
09:44But let me tell you about real tragedy.
09:47My ex.
09:47She batted her fake eyelashes and said,
09:50I was her soulmate.
09:52I maxed out ten credit cards.
09:55Ate instant noodles for a whole year to buy her luxury bags.
09:59She ran off with a guy who sells fake Rolexes.
10:02Took everything.
10:04Even my lucky underpants.
10:06So cheer up, Vito.
10:08At least nobody stole your underwear today.
10:10You're so silly, Danny.
10:21Right now, I don't care what you are.
10:28I want an heir in this crib complete within a month.
10:33Or I swear to God I'll die with my eyes wide open.
10:37A month, Grandma, human biology.
10:40Doesn't work like it.
10:41Grandma, this is ridiculous.
10:44Drink both of you.
10:45Every last drop.
10:53Why is it suddenly a sauna in here?
11:00No, wait.
11:01I need some air.
11:08I told you not to move.
11:14We can't.
11:15I am a guy.
11:16Right now, I don't care what you are.
11:19Gotcha, you little fraud.
11:21Miss Sophia is going to love this.
11:23Oh my God.
11:24I've fallen for this cold, tough boss.
11:38Don't move.
11:48Oh my God.
11:50I've fallen for this cold, tough boss.
12:09Bingo.
12:16Take this.
12:17Find his face.
12:20Scour every delivery company in this city.
12:23I want the true identity of this rat by tonight.
12:27From this exact second, she is the one and only Lady Romano.
12:34Danny Miller!
12:35You broke little rat!
12:38Don't think wearing a skirt and a wig can hide you from me!
12:41Get out here!
12:42Oh God.
12:44The Lone Sharks.
12:45They found me.
12:47I'm dead.
12:49Snipers, on my mark.
12:50Take that garbage out.
12:52We can't let this scandal leak.
12:55Stand down, Carlo.
12:56I handle my own house.
12:58Pay up or I'll rip your...
13:03Where's Danny?
13:05Tell that cross-dressing creep to pay his debt.
13:07Or else.
13:10My name!
13:18I don't care who she used to be or what she owed you.
13:21From this exact second, she is the one and only Lady Romano.
13:27He...
13:28He actually protected me.
13:31Oh, Vito.
13:33How romantic.
13:35Danny Miller, we'll see if your Lady Romano can handle the family dinner tonight.
13:40No more lies.
13:42Tonight, after the banquet, I'll tell him everything.
13:44Who I really am.
13:46And how I really feel.
13:49My dear friends, family.
13:51Tonight is a night of transition.
13:53This is the highest level access key to our family's central vault.
13:57I've guarded it my whole life.
13:59Now, I officially pass it to my perfect granddaughter-in-law.
14:07A perfect granddaughter-in-law?
14:09Oh, please.
14:10Don't make me joke.
14:11Sophia, you have exactly three seconds to get out of my house before I put a bullet in
14:16your head.
14:17Shoot me?
14:18You should be thanking me, Vito.
14:20I'm saving your pathetic family from the biggest humiliation in mafia history.
14:24Handing over the family bloodline to a bottom-fleeting scammer.
14:29And a man?
14:32Are you out of your mind, Vito?
14:34Your so-called wife is a man.
14:41Grandma!
14:42Stay with me!
14:43Call a damn ambulance!
14:44Now!
14:46Closely, everyone.
14:47This is the madam you worship.
14:49A filthy, poor guy.
14:56Unbelievable.
14:57He outwitted the entire syndicate.
15:00Stop this cross-dressing rascal!
15:02At once!
15:03Vito.
15:04Vito.
15:05Please let me explain.
15:06Never wanted to.
15:08Vito.
15:11Grandma.
15:13Grandma!
15:14Stay with me!
15:15Call a damn ambulance!
15:16Now!
15:23Boss, listen.
15:25If we shoot him here, it will be a mess.
15:27Let me...
15:32Remove all his family-related garments.
15:35Drag him to the dungeon.
15:37Let him wait for his execution.
15:40No!
15:41Vito!
15:41Don't do this!
15:42Vito!
15:44There is a signal down here?
15:54I brought you...
15:55Your last meal.
15:57I'm so sorry.
16:00It's okay, Tony.
16:02You're a good kid.
16:03I don't care what they say!
16:05Even if you got a pair of balls, I swear to God!
16:08You'll always be my boss's wife!
16:11Go, Tony.
16:12Don't let them catch you here.
16:19Vito is gonna tear me apart before dawn.
16:22First light, I'm dead meat.
16:29No way!
16:30There is a signal down here?
16:40Oh my God!
16:42Oh my God!
16:45They are not taking this away from me.
16:48Do it
16:53You idiot, I knew you had a pair from day one
16:57Go fight for your happiness
16:59Hell yeah
17:00Real love doesn't care about what's under the skirt
17:11Hey, boss, order me to keep you here, manlady
17:14Stand back
17:16Tony, is Brother Hib about what you wear, or who fights for you on the streets?
17:27They are forcing Vito to step down right now
17:30No, nobody messes with the boss
17:34Leave the way
17:35A man in a wedding dress? It's a joke
17:40Sign it, Vito
17:41Hand over the Romano Empire to my family
17:44Boss, don't do it
17:47Do it
17:48Blow that perzard's head off right now
17:56Hold your fire, stand down
18:04Miss me?
18:07Blow that perzard's head off right now
18:10Hold your fire, stand down
18:13Don't you dare touch him
18:14Are you out of your minds? He's a fraud
18:18Thanks, guys, but I got this
18:23Look at me, Vito
18:25No wig
18:25No wig
18:26No dress
18:28Just me
18:29I am the only one who actually makes you smile
18:31And you know it
18:39What a disgrace
18:41Just end this circus
18:42Sign the paper, Vito
18:43Let's clean up this mess
18:57Vito
18:58Well, what the hell are you doing?
19:00Have you completely lost your mind?
19:02He is a man
19:03A lowly, disgusting courier
19:10Marriage isn't about building a new machine for profit and power
19:14I should choose someone who genuinely makes me want to smile
19:19Instead of a venomous snake like you
19:23Kill them all
19:24Take the seat
19:30Nobody moves a muscle
19:32For the boss
19:33And for our badass big bro
19:35I mean, madam
19:39You chose Lown over me?
19:46It's over
19:47You're safe now
19:56My boy finally grew a pair
20:00Are you out of your mind, Vito?
20:03Risking the entire Romano Empire for a man?
20:07This is a disgrace
20:08You step down right now
20:13Isabella?
20:15Grandma?
20:17What is going on?
20:18This whole illness was a test
20:20And all of you failed miserably
20:24Danny passed my test with flying colors
20:30Congratulations, boss
20:31True love prevails
20:33Long live the Don and his wife
20:39Thank God
20:40I don't need to buy that expensive hair growth serum anymore
20:45Uh, Vito
20:46Shouldn't we celebrate with the others?
20:50That fake contract we signed
20:51It's officially null and void
20:53What?
20:54You mean, mean
20:55I'm fired?
20:57No
20:58I mean
21:00It's time we discuss the terms of a real marriage
21:04Boy?
21:06What in the name of
21:08Where is he?
21:10Is he backing out?
21:11Patience, my son
21:12Love never misses its cue
21:14You don't know him, father
21:19What in the name of
21:31What the hell are you doing?
21:33Have you completely lost your mind?
21:35You cross-dressed
21:37For a month
21:38And put your life on the line for me
21:41I wear this ridiculous dress for one day
21:43It's called fair trade, Danny
21:45You look like a mafia marshmallow
21:49That's my boy
21:51Strut that stuff, Vito
21:55So
21:56Ready to kiss your bride, Mr. Miller?
21:59With pleasure, beautiful
22:05Live the boss
22:07Hog live, Danny
22:08And let the dude
22:12Office
22:12Hi
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