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00:00:29This video is brought to you by the
00:00:30Close your eyes, and open your ears.
00:00:42Get out!
00:00:46Get out! Get out!
00:00:48Skip, come on!
00:01:00Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
00:01:38Go! Go! Go! Go!
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00:02:50Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go
00:05:46We're right back.
00:05:49We're right back.
00:05:51We're right back.
00:06:17We're right back.
00:06:24We're right back.
00:07:06We're right back.
00:07:26We're right back.
00:07:34We're right back.
00:07:40We're right back.
00:07:48We're right back.
00:07:59We're right back.
00:08:02We're right back.
00:08:25We're right back.
00:08:35We're right back.
00:08:41We're right back.
00:09:04We're right back.
00:09:05Come on, ladies.
00:09:07Like the man says, daylight...
00:09:09Let's go!
00:09:09All right.
00:09:12He's yours I'm gonna go with Nathan here and size up the boat for shots
00:09:23Let's go
00:09:38Are you sure you lost some here? Yes, I'm positive. We were out here yesterday and they must have fallen
00:09:43off my head or something
00:09:44And what color are these sunglasses again? They're bluish
00:09:48It's gonna be pretty hard to find in blue water. Why don't you just buy a new pair? They could
00:09:52not have been that expensive
00:09:59They're not gonna let us have any fun until we find them. Nope. Let's go back
00:10:25Oh
00:10:36Well
00:10:39Where's Jay? He must still be down or something
00:10:43Jay
00:10:44Huh? Did you see him?
00:10:47No
00:10:58Um, they've been down there for way too long
00:11:08What was that?
00:11:11I don't know
00:11:13You guys aren't messing around with us, are you?
00:11:18Maybe we should call for help. Did you have your phone on you?
00:11:20No, it's too wet out here. I left it back at the dock
00:11:30Jay! Rudy!
00:11:47Here we go, guys!
00:11:49Yeah!
00:11:51Yeah!
00:11:53Woo!
00:11:54How beautiful!
00:11:55Yeah! Woo!
00:11:57Woo!
00:11:58I love this place!
00:12:00Hi!
00:12:00Yeah!
00:12:16So?
00:12:18So? We're not gonna find any missing drugs here. This place is a waste. What then?
00:12:23Enough with the tourism. Let's go back to the car
00:12:41Let's be discreet with that but dad I don't want my license revoked
00:12:47but dad okay dad you're stuck on a desert island with me Aubrey Izzy and Troy who do you love
00:12:55who do you kill who do you marry and who do you dress up like a unicorn and have my
00:13:01little pony sex with um I don't know I'd probably just kill and love all of you oh in that
00:13:11order why not serial killer I'm getting a serial killer vibe here
00:13:16that explains the fashion choices seriously Nate how old are you 33 oh that is so totally dad car
00:13:24Dennis is like older than that and yet we are worlds apart
00:13:32so Nate how did you get into this line uh swamp captain this is where I want to be
00:13:41love it down here dude Nathan is probably more swamp punk than all of us could find
00:13:47he's got semen in his bone
00:13:50and a bottle of rum
00:13:53back to topic you don't really strike me as the outdoor type
00:13:56and yet I am the outdoor type
00:13:59you strike me as a proctologist
00:14:03hey I'm just riffing here don't shoot the messenger
00:14:06hey mind if I spark up captain the law minds
00:14:09I don't see no law around here captain
00:14:12just stop
00:14:13hey do boglins originate in the bog
00:14:16and if so are they affiliated with law enforcement
00:14:18is that something you would know as a
00:14:20swamp lord or
00:14:22boat wizard
00:14:24Nate that totally rocks the petty side of die
00:14:27wouldn't that imply he has friends
00:14:30listen to me
00:14:31this is my ship
00:14:33my ship
00:14:34and I will turn this boat around and leave you sneering turds at the dock
00:14:37if you don't cut the junior high crap right now get it
00:14:40swamp turds
00:14:42that could totally be our album name
00:14:44yeah
00:14:44what just because I want a button down shirt and read a book once in a while I'm a dad
00:14:48you guys want to film your little video like the grown children you are
00:14:52you comply by my rules on this vessel
00:14:54my rules
00:14:55and maybe
00:14:56just maybe
00:14:57I'll allow you to continue to live in the illusion that you're unique
00:15:00and have something worth sharing with the world deal
00:15:03oh
00:15:05snap
00:15:05Nate's got cojones
00:15:07like a jaded substitute teacher
00:15:09dad's being a buzzkill
00:15:10oh
00:15:11I tell you what Nate
00:15:13I will personally punch any one of these sneering turds in the face right now
00:15:18I have no problem hitting women
00:15:20I appreciate that buddy
00:15:21but I punch people in the face myself just fine
00:15:23Nate I respect the fire
00:15:25look no more busting on Nate or I'll toss you in the iron drink
00:15:30somebody make out with Nate as apology
00:15:32I might
00:15:34thank you
00:15:35well there you go
00:15:38ew you're gonna kiss your own dad
00:15:41hey dads are kinda hot
00:15:43what
00:15:43they are
00:15:45dads are hot
00:15:45ask fruto or whatever
00:15:49bro
00:15:50guys
00:15:51listen listen we're getting off topic here
00:15:53Izzy
00:15:54why not sucking Nathan's face right now
00:15:56good boy Troy
00:15:57well said
00:15:58I guess he has to earn it first
00:16:02challenge accepted
00:16:03you know I would just like to point out that I am also on this boat and I am way
00:16:06hotter than Nathan
00:16:07so
00:16:08just saying
00:16:09you've already tried to have sex with all of us
00:16:11remember when you were lurking around that art school we all went to like Predator Preston
00:16:15well missed opportunities on all fronts
00:16:18believe it
00:16:19I don't think we will believe it
00:16:21oh snap
00:16:25I didn't like you did that
00:16:27onward
00:16:28get me to drive
00:16:30yeah
00:16:31yeah
00:16:34yeah
00:16:37yeah
00:16:37yeah
00:16:38yeah
00:16:39yeah
00:16:39yeah
00:16:40yeah
00:16:40yeah
00:16:41yeah
00:16:42yeah
00:16:42yeah
00:16:42yeah
00:16:48the GPS?
00:16:49that's because you're living
00:16:50most of these back roads aren't even on the map
00:16:52so where is this place anyway?
00:16:54you'd think a giant factory farm would be easy to find
00:16:56now if I were a factory farm
00:16:58where would I be?
00:17:00and everything is worse down here
00:17:01I mean everything in the south is backwards
00:17:03that's a moderate generalization
00:17:05but is it?
00:17:07how do fifty gallons of experimental, non-FDA-approved illegal growth hormones go missing?
00:17:12of all this stuff
00:17:13I mean, do you know how much trouble
00:17:15Fudron would be in if it gets out and we're juicing our cows
00:17:18with unauthorized growth hormones?
00:17:19Yes, I have a very good idea.
00:17:21Some toothless somebody in this godforsaken county
00:17:24is no doubt trying to use them as drugs right now.
00:17:27We'll find them in the ER with a forearm the size of a wombat.
00:17:31God, did we just hit something?
00:17:33I don't see anything.
00:17:34Well, no arm, no foul.
00:17:36Well, if we did hit something, I should check it out.
00:17:44Relax.
00:17:45I'm sure nature will take its course.
00:17:46Samantha, if I hit something, I'm not
00:17:48going to leave it out here to die a slow death in the swamp.
00:17:52Kirk, we have other stuff to worry about.
00:17:55So maybe I get out and hunt for the animal.
00:17:57And in the process, we find the factory farm.
00:18:23Hey, Julie.
00:18:25Hey, it's me, Samantha.
00:18:35I am sorry.
00:18:36The reception I hear is terrible.
00:18:44You want to know what's going on?
00:18:46I'll tell you what's going on.
00:18:47Everything down here is backwards.
00:18:50Julie, hello?
00:19:04It all started back in 1894 when the Tyrant Abraham
00:19:09sent 900 Yanks to Mariana.
00:19:12To crush our brave young men.
00:19:19You know, I resent Northern Earth
00:19:21some big business coming in here in the swamp,
00:19:23disrespecting our privacy, our good nature here.
00:19:28I resent people not of this land who come in here
00:19:32and fuck this country physically, spiritually.
00:19:37Due to my extensive knowledge of DNA research and gene splicing,
00:19:44I realize there's only one way a man can combat these things.
00:19:49I created the perfect soldier.
00:19:51Huh, really?
00:19:53Yeah, the world's deadliest snakes combined with the better parts of an alligator.
00:20:00You wouldn't know it, but I graduated with honors from Georgia Tech.
00:20:03But it's man's God-given right to create scientific research.
00:20:09And that's what I did.
00:20:11Unfortunately, I must lament.
00:20:13And due to my son's lack of recognition of my rules of confinement,
00:20:20we find ourselves on his hunt.
00:20:21The collar...
00:20:23It ma...
00:20:24Why'd you shut up?
00:20:26It didn't malfunction.
00:20:27You malfunctioned, damn it.
00:20:32The whole DNA spliced you together.
00:20:33That's what I'd like to know.
00:20:36I told you what happened.
00:20:38I don't care what happened.
00:20:39What about you? You got kids?
00:20:40Not that I know of.
00:20:43Mm-hmm.
00:20:44Yeah, well, there it is, right?
00:20:46Yeah.
00:20:47You know what? The money's right.
00:20:49I'm the best at what I do.
00:20:51Don't worry.
00:20:52I'll find your monster for you.
00:20:54He ain't a monster.
00:20:56He's like a son to me.
00:20:59The son I never had.
00:21:32Oh, Chico Chico.
00:21:34Here you go.
00:21:36Come to daddy.
00:21:38Come on home, sonny boy.
00:21:40Come on.
00:21:41That chum line gonna attract him?
00:21:43Yeah, well, the creature smells with his tongue.
00:21:45Snakes smell with their tongue.
00:21:47If snakes smell with their tongues, why do they have nostrils?
00:21:51Well, that's a good question.
00:21:53Why don't you answer that for us, son?
00:21:55Why do snakes have nostrils if they smell with their tongue?
00:21:59I asked the question.
00:22:00Slap a search on that.
00:22:06I'm getting nothing over here.
00:22:08Attention.
00:22:08Attention.
00:22:09Code 1032.
00:22:101032.
00:22:11Droning.
00:22:12Two bodies.
00:22:12Code 1032.
00:22:13That's my boy.
00:22:15That for sure is my boy.
00:22:16I know exactly where that is.
00:22:18Let's get out of here.
00:22:19Come on.
00:22:19Got it.
00:22:41You can't be far from here.
00:22:43You don't think Cobra Gator will eat us, do you?
00:22:48I'll tell you one thing.
00:22:49If that collar malfunctioned, that's a distinct possibility.
00:22:53I already told you what happened.
00:22:56The shock collar malfunctioned.
00:22:59It was gonna kill it.
00:23:00Maybe I should have let it.
00:23:02You provided me with a narrative.
00:23:03But like any narrative, it lacks credibility.
00:23:06Did you or did you not take off that collar?
00:23:09Maybe you had some infantile notion of emotional...
00:23:16Or maybe you just took it off for another reason.
00:23:19Maybe it was like an aggressive kind of a thing.
00:23:22Either way, it's probably gonna be hard for you to answer it then.
00:23:26Dad, sometimes when you talk, I feel bad.
00:23:30I know the feeling.
00:23:34Fern.
00:23:35Fern.
00:23:37Fern.
00:23:39Why is someone yelling Fern?
00:23:42Came from over there.
00:23:43Let's go.
00:23:45Fern.
00:23:46Fern.
00:23:48Fern, where are you?
00:23:50Mama's looking for you, Fern.
00:23:51Where are you?
00:23:53Come to Mama, Fernie.
00:23:54Fern.
00:23:56Fern.
00:23:57Oh, Fern, baby.
00:23:58Where are you?
00:24:00Fern.
00:24:01Fern, come to Mama.
00:24:02Fernie, you nasty little dog.
00:24:04Fern must be your dog.
00:24:08Is Fern or Fern?
00:24:10The logic tells me it's Fern, but my ears say Fern.
00:24:15Fern.
00:24:15Where did you go?
00:24:17Have your favorite toys, Fernie.
00:24:19Come to Mama, Fernie.
00:24:21Fern.
00:24:32Holy crap.
00:24:33We have to save her.
00:24:34If you hadn't taken off that shock collar, this wouldn't be happening.
00:24:49Man.
00:24:50Made one hell of a snake eater.
00:24:52Maybe after this meal, she'll be a little bit easier to catch, huh?
00:24:54Yeah.
00:24:55Yeah.
00:24:57Just like Thanksgiving.
00:24:59Yeah.
00:25:00You two stink.
00:25:03Shut up, scum boy.
00:25:09There he is.
00:25:14What do you think he's doing?
00:25:18Digesting.
00:25:19Make sure you get that dart right down his throat.
00:25:22The gator hide's kinda hard to penetrate.
00:25:26What if I hit an eye?
00:25:27No, don't do that.
00:25:28He needs his eyes.
00:25:29Don't need both.
00:25:30You take out an eye, and I will adjust your compensation, sir.
00:25:35Fine.
00:25:36No eye.
00:25:37No eye.
00:25:39Any ideas how to get his attention?
00:25:41Sure.
00:25:46It doesn't work.
00:25:56I hit it right in the mouth.
00:25:58I'm gonna take another dart.
00:25:59Another dart?
00:25:59Yeah.
00:26:00I'll do it.
00:26:16Did you get him?
00:26:23Yeah, I got him.
00:26:24Twice.
00:26:26He's headed back to the water.
00:26:28Let's go back to the boat.
00:26:29Okay.
00:26:30Will he?
00:26:30Will he?
00:26:32Hur Moses of the Pharaohver!
00:26:53Will he be able to
00:26:59That's not sexy, you're gonna cleave it.
00:27:02Yeah, girl.
00:27:12Can you get under the water?
00:27:13I know you hate it, just get down.
00:27:16Nice.
00:27:24I don't know what you're doing, Troy.
00:27:35I hate it. Come on. Do it better. Do it again, but better.
00:27:44Cut!
00:27:47Troy, a moment?
00:27:48Yeah.
00:27:49Can you kinda play your air bongos a little bit more passionately,
00:27:53like stabbing westward?
00:27:54Did he really just say stabbing westward?
00:27:56More stabbing westward. Got it.
00:27:58Actually, you know what? Um, let's just do the intro again.
00:28:01More stabbing westward. Girls, you can take five.
00:28:03Hooray, beer!
00:28:05Beer and pills!
00:28:08Did you bring any sandwiches?
00:28:10You know it!
00:28:10All right, start again.
00:28:11Oh, my God, I'm starving.
00:28:15Man, how far away did we leave the cooler?
00:28:17It's right up here around the corner.
00:28:20What happened here, Captain?
00:28:22That's an awful lot of scales.
00:28:24Alligator orgy, maybe?
00:28:26We should write a song called Alligator Orgy.
00:28:28You mean you haven't already?
00:28:29We haven't, by some gross oversight.
00:28:32Huh, cause you would think of a swamp punk band.
00:28:35Not that swamp punk is a real genre.
00:28:37We exist, we think, and therefore, we am.
00:28:40Okay.
00:28:41So, do you wanna write it or co-write it?
00:28:45Who, me?
00:28:46Oh, no, my alligator orgy days are sadly behind me.
00:28:49I'll never say never, Captain.
00:28:52No offense, but you could totally be a doctor or something.
00:28:56Well, it's funny you should say that, cause I jumped out of medical school to find myself.
00:29:01Where were you hiding?
00:29:02In the swamp.
00:29:03That's kind of a weird transition, don't you think?
00:29:06Well, sometimes you realize you're on this path, becoming someone you don't wanna be, and you have to run in
00:29:11the opposite direction.
00:29:12Hard.
00:29:13Yeah.
00:29:14Hey, shouldn't you be pretending to play guitar or something?
00:29:18Shouldn't you be rubbing yourself all over these alligator scales?
00:29:21I'm more into flamingos.
00:29:22Okay.
00:29:26Nice talking to you.
00:29:27Yeah.
00:29:28Hey, Izzy.
00:29:30Yeah?
00:29:30You think you could play guitar more like you're in God Lives Underwater?
00:29:35I'll do my best.
00:29:51Come on, baby.
00:29:53I'd know y'all out there.
00:29:56Whoa.
00:29:57Yeah.
00:30:10I got it.
00:30:12Yes.
00:30:14Yes.
00:30:15I got it.
00:30:16Come on.
00:30:17Come on.
00:30:22Oh baby this is a big one you ain't getting away from me
00:31:04Hey Dennis am I looking good it's okay. Yeah, it's fine
00:31:24Are you are you six are you six over here peeping my girl doing her mermaid thing like your Baron
00:31:30Von Stroke
00:31:31Okay, I'm not. I'm not peeping. Okay. Nathan likes Izzy
00:31:36I do not. I do not don't they're gonna make many babies
00:31:41Don't we're not
00:31:44What is wrong with you guys? You fucking idiot. Oh, you should have seen you guys. You were like
00:31:50Yeah, is that is that all you got a little missy?
00:31:55Shut up
00:31:57Let me show you what I got
00:31:59Let's get wet
00:32:25You gotta start thinking like a perpetually hungry snake alligator keep your eyes open for something you might like to
00:32:31eat
00:32:56Cut
00:32:59That was so awesome
00:33:01Was it good? Yeah
00:33:03I think it's important that we're all doing the same kind of zombie
00:33:07I was doing night of the living and Izzy was doing more of a plan nine from outer space
00:33:11Uh, yeah, I was
00:33:13Wouldn't you say swamp vixens from Uranus are more plan nine than night of the living?
00:33:18I'm just saying I don't want to put us in a box
00:33:20Maybe we want to do something different in the future
00:33:22Air director. Can you settle this for us?
00:33:25I think you should do plan of the living dead, but
00:33:28Can we just do it again? Okay?
00:33:30Yeah, it's fine. Night of the living plan nine
00:33:33Maybe Aubrey's right. Everyone would expect us to do plan nine
00:33:37So maybe that's why we should do night of the living sometimes less is more
00:33:40Because we are so totally artists right now having artistic conversations this video is gonna be so totally kick
00:33:50Mega views on YouTube
00:33:52Well now that we've got that important issue resolved we
00:34:01Not great
00:34:05What's happening?
00:34:07What's that?
00:34:10Dad look people
00:34:18Nathan can you get on your ship radio thingy and tell those guys to get the hell out of my
00:34:21shot
00:34:27I
00:34:27Can try but that's Jake Dixon's boat. He's one of my least favorite people in the swamp
00:34:31He runs some hunting tour and thinks I'm a competitor of his
00:34:35Well, maybe you should fire off your gator rifle for emphasis not the right strategy for this guy
00:34:41Tolome to Louie
00:34:42Tolome to Louie with a question
00:34:45Great we got Nate Kranz with him
00:34:47Is that gonna be a problem?
00:34:49No, he likes making trouble for me and my hunting tours
00:34:52Should I have a sponge this mosquito?
00:34:53I'll leave that entirely up to your discretion, Mr. Dixon
00:34:56Tolome to Louie
00:34:57Tolome to Louie still
00:34:58With a question
00:35:00See what I mean? He's like a gnat
00:35:02Louis de Toilamay, what's your question?
00:35:04Request from my party to move your vessel
00:35:06They're shooting a rock video
00:35:07And you're in that shot
00:35:08He wants to move
00:35:12Fell in fat can for that
00:35:14We'll move closer, but not farther away
00:35:17Louis de Toilamay, we are not repeat not moving
00:35:20Deal with it
00:35:23Hey move
00:35:25No
00:35:27What's the deal?
00:35:29Hey, what's going on man?
00:35:31Hang on we're about to head over there and have a little conversation
00:35:36Dad
00:35:37Do you think maybe they'd let me be in their rock video?
00:35:40Sure, if they want to ruin it
00:35:44What are you thinking?
00:35:56I think we'd round up the mosquitoes
00:36:06One thing I can't stand interlopers
00:36:08Trying to tell me where I can and can't go
00:36:10What I can and can't do
00:36:12Don't worry
00:36:12If these two are under the impression that they're men
00:36:14I will quickly correct that
00:36:24Hello Jake
00:36:24So you're the filmmaker huh?
00:36:26Yeah, and I'm asking you to do me the very large favor
00:36:29Of moving your ship about 500 feet
00:36:32That way
00:36:34Well, I'm no filmmaker
00:36:35But I do have a suggestion for you
00:36:37Why don't you just point your little camera
00:36:40That way, hmm?
00:36:41This doesn't have to become a pissing contest
00:36:43Why don't you shut up Nathan?
00:36:46Don't escalate this Jake
00:36:49Why?
00:36:49You gonna do something about it?
00:36:51Listen, I promise you
00:36:53Your fishing trip or circle jerk
00:36:55Will be just as awesome
00:36:56500 feet
00:36:57That way
00:36:58As it is here
00:37:00Circle jerk
00:37:01That's
00:37:02Pretty intellectual statement there
00:37:03And a liberal tongue for a young man
00:37:06Where are you born?
00:37:07Doesn't matter where he was born
00:37:09Oh, it matters to me
00:37:11Santa Fe
00:37:12How's that?
00:37:13Do you even know the way to Santa Fe?
00:37:15I sure do
00:37:16It's right off the end of your boat, Greystoke
00:37:19Where were you born?
00:37:20Where's that born?
00:37:21A museum?
00:37:22Yeah, of natural history
00:37:24The whole family's born right here on the bayou
00:37:26Back generations
00:37:27All the way back to, uh, plantations
00:37:29Now, that's certainly something to be proud of
00:37:31But did your family lead its celebration-worthy life
00:37:35Right here on this exact spot in the water?
00:37:38Matter of fact, they did, yeah
00:37:39Oh, all right
00:37:40I forgot swamp people can't move boats, sorry
00:37:42Listen, listen
00:37:43I'm a man of the south
00:37:45I love the south
00:37:46My girls over there are also from the south
00:37:49So, from one southerner to another
00:37:51Why don't you just move your boat?
00:37:54Why don't you name one confederate general?
00:38:00Lee
00:38:02Everybody knows that one
00:38:03One more
00:38:05General, uh, Crispus Attucks
00:38:07Well, you know that's both ignorant and incorrect
00:38:09Which makes you not a true southerner
00:38:11Well, I like grits
00:38:13I'll give you that one, all right
00:38:20What do you think they're doing over there, you guys?
00:38:23Probably talking about cool guy stuff
00:38:31I think Nathan's probably talking about title patterns
00:38:35You know, Nathan's not so bad
00:38:41Oh, yeah, that's right
00:38:43You're going to marry him
00:38:46You always date the weirdest guys, Izzy
00:38:48Um, out of us three?
00:38:50That is definitely not true
00:38:57Izzy's right, your dudes are always the weirdest
00:39:00Oh
00:39:01Okay
00:39:01They're neat
00:39:02They are not neat
00:39:06I was going to be like that
00:39:07Yeah
00:39:08You guys are just jealous
00:39:09Because I always date the most interesting guys
00:39:11If by interesting you mean crazy
00:39:15Hey
00:39:17Okay, you guys
00:39:18I think it's time we go get changed
00:39:21Okay, let's go
00:39:21Come on
00:39:22I'm just going to stay here and swim for a bit
00:39:29Okay
00:39:35You know what?
00:39:36Crazy idea
00:39:37What if my friend Nathan here would have just
00:39:41Shoot you in the head?
00:39:42I mean, hypothetically
00:39:42Nobody is shooting anybody in the head
00:39:45Forgive my idiot companion
00:39:46You know, Florida does have a stand your ground law
00:39:49Oh, yeah, we remember how that worked out, huh?
00:39:52Yeah
00:39:53Hey
00:39:54Yes, we did
00:39:57Dad
00:39:58Stop embarrassing me
00:39:59Shut up
00:40:00There's no need for that
00:40:01We're going to get out of your hair
00:40:03And you don't need to make a mistake
00:40:04You can't take back, okay?
00:40:06I'm going to power up my boat
00:40:07We're going to be gone
00:40:08And that's the end of it
00:40:09Start it up
00:40:17Those guys don't mess around
00:40:19You're lucky I got us out of there when I did
00:40:27I need to touch a high point to make me feel better
00:40:30Woo!
00:40:39How'd it go over there?
00:40:41Good
00:40:42You didn't go berserker on them, did you?
00:40:44No, I'm warned you feel the love right now
00:40:46You want to feel the love?
00:40:48Yeah
00:40:48Go get me a beer
00:40:50You serious?
00:40:51I'm thirsty
00:40:53Alright
00:40:57Thanks
00:40:58Thanks
00:40:58Thanks
00:40:59Oh my god
00:41:07Thanks
00:41:10Thanks
00:41:12Thanks
00:41:17Oh, my God.
00:41:46Oh, my God, it's up!
00:42:05Go, go, move!
00:42:06Go, go, go, go!
00:42:08No!
00:42:09No!
00:42:09Punch it!
00:42:11No!
00:42:12I don't know, but we're not sticking around to find out.
00:42:15Here we go!
00:42:15We're going!
00:42:24No, my God!
00:42:30There he is!
00:42:32Ryan, he's coming!
00:42:34Drive the boat!
00:42:35Drive the boat!
00:42:37Move!
00:42:45Don't kill it!
00:42:46Use this!
00:42:48I'm just trying to slow it down!
00:42:50Jake, use the dark!
00:42:50When I have a shot with the dark, I'll use the dark!
00:42:58Don't kill it!
00:42:59Use this!
00:43:04I'm just trying to slow it down!
00:43:06Jake, use the dark!
00:43:06When I have a shot with the dark, I'll use the dark!
00:43:09Get him!
00:43:10He went over!
00:43:11Look at him!
00:43:16Look at him!
00:43:17No!
00:43:20No!
00:43:24No!
00:43:26No!
00:43:27No!
00:43:28No!
00:43:30No!
00:43:30No!
00:43:42You got him?
00:43:43Yeah, I got him.
00:43:44You all right?
00:43:45I don't know.
00:43:46Yeah, let's get him short.
00:43:49Hey, you bit?
00:43:52You been bit?
00:43:53Why?
00:43:55You been bit, you need anti-venom right away.
00:44:04Oh, oh, oh.
00:44:06Oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:44:16Oh, my.
00:44:28Oh, mighty hell.
00:44:35Oh, my son.
00:44:38Oh, my son.
00:44:40Oh, you damn fool.
00:44:42He's gone now.
00:44:45Put him in the water.
00:44:46What?
00:44:47Put him in the water.
00:44:49You want me to just leave him there?
00:44:50No, no, he's gone.
00:44:52It's just a shell.
00:44:54Put him in the water now, Jake, please.
00:44:58My boy.
00:45:01I love you, son.
00:45:04I truly do.
00:45:07God bless you.
00:45:22Lord, give me the power to rise up and fight another day.
00:45:54Should I call this in?
00:45:58you want to mess with this thing be my guest I'm just trying to get us as far
00:46:01away from that thing as possible just speak into it I don't just talk into it
00:46:07channel one channel one yes a mayday mayday
00:46:33George get my rifle have either of you fired a gun no no sure you first place the
00:46:39buck the gun to your shoulder be ready for a kickback
00:46:44fire
00:46:48Dennis give it a try give yourself a wide stance
00:46:51length of butt of the gun in your shoulder and fire
00:46:56I'm crapping this
00:46:57oh god
00:47:06there he is
00:47:07I see him
00:47:32oh
00:47:32oh
00:47:32oh
00:47:32oh
00:47:32oh
00:47:32oh
00:47:32oh
00:47:32oh
00:47:44oh
00:47:44oh
00:47:45oh
00:47:47oh
00:47:57what's that an accident
00:47:59this is when we get away when it feeds
00:48:01we're gonna head for dry land settle down now
00:48:17this outing just got considerably more expensive
00:48:19whatever has to be done is gonna be done
00:48:26go go go go go go go
00:48:42Well, I think that beast is pretty well satiated by now.
00:48:45Looks like we have some time to strategize.
00:48:48Strategize?
00:48:49Like trying to figure out how to not spend the rest of our lives in prison?
00:48:52I don't know about you, but I ain't gonna do any time.
00:48:55So what now?
00:48:57Say we head back to shore.
00:48:59Cut.
00:49:16Listen here, Mr. Dixon.
00:49:19In addition to our primary guest, there's another set of circumstances that caused me problems.
00:49:23Yeah, and what's that?
00:49:24Well, there's a group of people out here in the woods, and they could press charges against me.
00:49:28In fact, they could report the existence of my beast.
00:49:31Pretty soon they're gonna be a cell phone range, and that could create problems for us both.
00:49:37And what do you suggest we do about that, huh?
00:49:40Well, what I'm trying to say is, you hunt and kill a variety of animals, don't you?
00:49:45Yeah, for the right price.
00:49:48Uh-huh.
00:49:50$10,000 a head, ease your conscience a little bit?
00:49:55Yeah, fine, provided you get the cash to back it up.
00:49:59Well, you know I do.
00:50:00You know my family, right?
00:50:01Yeah, I do.
00:50:02Okay, then have at it.
00:50:03All right, fine.
00:50:04You stay here.
00:50:05I'll take care of this.
00:50:06It shouldn't take too long.
00:50:08And watch out for your little snake.
00:50:10Sure.
00:50:16Come on, you guys, hurry!
00:50:20Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:50:22Don't tell him we have to cross this tree.
00:50:24No, just...
00:50:25Just give me a second.
00:50:26Give him a second!
00:50:27I can't believe we're at serious risk of dying right now because of a stupid...
00:50:30Stop being so negative.
00:50:32I have every right to be negative.
00:50:33No, your bad attitude doesn't help anything.
00:50:35Just chill out.
00:50:36You chill out.
00:50:38Down, down.
00:50:39Come on, come, come, come.
00:50:41Come here.
00:50:44Who was that?
00:50:45Why are they shooting at us?
00:50:46I don't know, but I'm a pretty good shot myself.
00:50:48I need you to draw fire for me.
00:50:50Me?
00:50:50Yes, you.
00:50:51Well, because I'm the guy?
00:50:52Is that it?
00:50:53Listen, Nathan, these women are feminists, which means they believe in equal opportunity.
00:50:55So I suggest, in all fairness, we draw straws.
00:50:58What?
00:50:59Come on, I came here as a favor for you guys.
00:51:02Okay, it was mutually beneficial for both of us.
00:51:04You are not a man, Dennis.
00:51:06I reject your gendered constructs.
00:51:08Come on.
00:51:10I need you to man up.
00:51:12Go!
00:51:12I'm not going.
00:51:13Do you want to know why?
00:51:14Because I am more important than these two stupid girls.
00:51:17I have things to do.
00:51:22Calm down.
00:51:23Calm down.
00:51:24Girls.
00:51:26Girls, calm down.
00:51:27I'm going to draw fire for you.
00:51:29About 300 yards that way is an old summer cottage.
00:51:32Are you sure?
00:51:33I'm sure.
00:51:34I need you to run under this log, run in a zigzag pattern.
00:51:37On three, I fire, you run, okay?
00:51:40Okay.
00:51:41Okay, we can do it.
00:51:43I'm so sorry, Dennis.
00:51:44It's sad, okay?
00:51:45But we're going to live.
00:51:46That is our focus.
00:51:47On three.
00:51:48One, two, three.
00:51:50One, two, three.
00:51:57Oh, my God!
00:51:59Dad, dad!
00:52:00Dad, run!
00:52:09Gotcha.
00:52:19Come on, hang on.
00:52:46Listen to me, Nathan.
00:52:48You know who I am.
00:52:49You know who you are.
00:52:51You know this could only end one way.
00:52:53I can cut you a deal, though.
00:52:54The man I work for, he'll believe anything I tell him.
00:52:57This could all end now.
00:52:58I'll go back to my boat.
00:53:00Look.
00:53:02Putting down my rifle.
00:53:04I'd like you to drop your gun, too.
00:53:06This way we'll be two unarmed men
00:53:08going our separate ways.
00:53:11You can go to your cabin.
00:53:12I'll go back to my boat.
00:53:14I'll put my ass on the line for you, Nathan.
00:53:20Drop the knife.
00:53:24You didn't believe my lie for a second, did you?
00:53:30Come on, Nathan.
00:53:32Did this go down that easy?
00:53:33Come on, boy, get up.
00:53:35Come on, right here.
00:53:37There you go.
00:53:38Come on.
00:53:39What do you got, boy?
00:53:45You know, boy, I'm done playing around with you.
00:53:49I think it's time I put you out of your misery.
00:54:16Okay.
00:54:18Here it is.
00:54:20Here.
00:54:21Okay.
00:54:22Come on.
00:54:23You okay?
00:54:30Look!
00:54:32Let's go.
00:54:33Let him go.
00:54:34What do you mean, let him go?
00:54:35Look, I know where he's going,
00:54:36and I'm the one that's going to kill him.
00:54:38I thought you were staying by the boat.
00:54:40I think I'm the best judge of my creature's habits.
00:54:42All right, fine.
00:54:43Look, stay close and stay quiet, all right?
00:54:45Let's go.
00:54:51Here he comes.
00:54:52What happened?
00:54:53Nathan!
00:54:54Nathan!
00:54:55She's been shot.
00:54:57What are we going to do?
00:54:58It's locked.
00:55:02Hurry up!
00:55:03She saw a sleight of blood.
00:55:04Come on.
00:55:08Hurry.
00:55:08It's going to be all right.
00:55:09Come on.
00:55:09Let's go to the couch.
00:55:11I need to get a tourniquet on this lot.
00:55:14Izzy!
00:55:14Yeah?
00:55:15Go to the bathroom and check for a first aid kit.
00:55:17Great.
00:55:19Nathan, do you think they're still coming for us?
00:55:21Yeah, we're not out of the woods just yet.
00:55:23Quick, medicine cabinet.
00:55:24Okay.
00:55:25All right.
00:55:26I'm going to find some cloth and make a tourniquet.
00:55:29Just relax and breathe.
00:55:33I'm going to put this behind your head.
00:55:45All right.
00:55:46We need to aim for the element of surprise.
00:55:48I think we're very much expected.
00:55:50Yeah.
00:55:51All right.
00:55:51Let's settle for misdirection.
00:55:52We're this way.
00:55:54Nathan, boil it.
00:56:00Here, take another swig of this.
00:56:03You always get their back with the best of them, Aubrey.
00:56:06Rock star times 5,000.
00:56:08Oof.
00:56:09Oof.
00:56:14I know this is going to hurt, but I've got to get that shard out of your leg.
00:56:17Whatever you got to do, doc.
00:56:20I'm not a doc, but I'm going to do what I can.
00:56:23Hey, did you find anything to sew her up with?
00:56:25Stitches?
00:56:25Uh, fishing line.
00:56:27Where'd you learn about that?
00:56:29Izzy's super smart.
00:56:30I watch a lot of television, so.
00:56:33Listen, doc.
00:56:35Full disclosure.
00:56:37I'm on whiskey and Oxycontin.
00:56:41Oxycontin?
00:56:41It's my pill of choice.
00:56:44Well, it's a little stronger than aspirin.
00:56:46You do know what you're doing, right?
00:56:48Absolutely.
00:56:51Brace.
00:57:03You numb?
00:57:04A little.
00:57:05We'll wait a little until you can't feel anything, then we'll get started.
00:57:08Comfortably numb.
00:57:09Is that an indication of your status or a reference to a Pink Floyd song?
00:57:14You look super dad-hot to me right now.
00:57:17Kiss me.
00:57:18We'll get to that later.
00:57:19For now, bite down on this.
00:57:22With everything you got going on, hopefully it won't hurt too much.
00:57:26Yay.
00:57:42Well done.
00:57:43Now it's just a matter of some stitches.
00:57:45Okay.
00:57:54What's that?
00:57:56Please!
00:57:57Shoot!
00:57:58Please!
00:58:02Come here!
00:58:03I can't.
00:58:03I'm in the middle of this.
00:58:04What's going on?
00:58:05That thing's got someone else, and it's killing him in the trees.
00:58:08I think it's one of the guys from the boat.
00:58:10Better him than us.
00:58:26That's my boy.
00:58:42What was that?
00:58:43What's happening?
00:58:44Light flood!
00:58:45Light flood!
00:58:47Stay down!
00:58:48Stay down!
00:58:54Now what?
00:58:55Let me think.
00:58:56Let me think.
00:59:06Stay down.
00:59:08Here goes nothing.
00:59:29Is it gone?
00:59:30I suppose.
00:59:31For the moment.
00:59:34Can someone please get me off this table?
00:59:37Go inside and get you stitched up.
00:59:44Okay.
00:59:45Almost done.
00:59:49What?
00:59:50Ow!
00:59:51What are we going to do?
00:59:53There's a cave nearby that's a shortcut to the main road.
00:59:56From there, we can flag down a car.
00:59:59And you're sure that it's gone?
01:00:02I'm not sure of anything.
01:00:04We'll need weapons.
01:00:06It has a healthy fear of fire right now.
01:00:10I have an idea.
01:00:14I have an idea.
01:00:29Yes!
01:00:29Yes!
01:00:44yes great stuff can i have one you sure you're up to it things are reversed i want something to
01:00:49fight back with aubrey this blowtorch is not a toy it's a dangerous weapon is that clear
01:00:54you can count on me i got it all right but be careful all right let's roll nathan yeah
01:01:10what was that for remember the challenge from the boat yeah you earned it hey i just had surgery
01:01:20where's my kiss let's roll
01:02:08all right y'all can run but i'll shoot you down all three of you decide to die with honor
01:02:14what's it gonna be shut up this ain't up for discussion
01:02:22who's gonna be
01:02:25i'll go first okay big shot
01:02:34go go
01:02:35red
01:02:36come on
01:02:38don't stop
01:02:39go
01:02:40Go!
01:02:42Go!
01:02:45Nathan, come on!
01:02:50Go, Henry, go! Come on!
01:02:55Follow me to the cave.
01:02:56Where? Not far.
01:02:58The cave?
01:02:58Trust me. Come on, come on.
01:03:01Come on, Nathan. Hurry.
01:03:04Hold on.
01:03:19Where's the cave?
01:03:20Oh, look there.
01:03:22Okay, there it is.
01:03:23Now keep long and watch your head.
01:03:25Are you crazy? It's way too dark in there.
01:03:27No, no, no. Come on, Henry. You'll be okay.
01:03:29We got this. Come on, let's go.
01:03:37Watch your head.
01:03:40Come on, Henry.
01:03:47Okay, there's one.
01:04:04Nathan, slow down.
01:04:06Nathan, slow down.
01:04:10Go, go, go, go.
01:04:12Come on.
01:04:18Aubrey, you need rest, huh?
01:04:20Okay, Nathan, wait.
01:04:22Just stop for a second.
01:04:26What's the plan?
01:04:27There's a back way out that hardly anyone knows about.
01:04:30It'll lead us right to the road.
01:04:31You're sure?
01:04:32I have it on good authority.
01:04:33So, like, you've never actually done it before?
01:04:36No, but I know a couple people who have.
01:04:38Why did you never do it?
01:04:40Because I'm not a cave guy.
01:04:41We're gonna die down here.
01:04:43We're gonna die.
01:04:45Come on, let's go.
01:04:46Keep moving.
01:04:48Come on.
01:05:02Come on, Aubrey.
01:05:03My leg really hurts.
01:05:06Ow, come on.
01:05:12Is it close?
01:05:14I don't know.
01:05:15Let's just keep moving.
01:05:21Come on, Nathan.
01:05:22Are we almost there?
01:05:23Yeah, seriously.
01:05:24How much farther?
01:05:24It's just around here.
01:05:25Let's keep moving.
01:05:26Okay.
01:05:27Come on.
01:05:31Come on.
01:05:32Come on.
01:05:32Come on.
01:05:32Come on.
01:05:33Come on.
01:05:35Come on.
01:05:35Come on.
01:05:35Come on.
01:05:41Come on.
01:05:42That's the exit?
01:05:43What?
01:05:43I know it looks small, but people have gone through it.
01:05:45It leads right to the road.
01:05:47Oh, God.
01:05:47Trust me.
01:05:48No, I'm claustrophobic, Nathan.
01:05:50I'm claustrophobic, too, but we don't have any other options.
01:05:52Okay, now, cell phones make good flashlights.
01:05:55Let's light the way and go.
01:05:56Oh, God.
01:05:56Come on.
01:05:57Oh, God.
01:05:57Okay.
01:05:58Okay, just...
01:06:04Watch your step.
01:06:08Just go here.
01:06:10I'm going my head.
01:06:28Nathan, I hope you know where you're going
01:06:33Just keep your lights on
01:06:35I see you in front of you
01:06:36Everything is great, we're almost there
01:06:38This is beyond belief
01:06:39It could be worse
01:06:40It could be going down the wrong tunnel
01:06:42Wait, there are two?
01:06:43Yeah
01:06:43Well, where does the other one lead?
01:06:45Nowhere
01:06:45Oh, great
01:06:47You sure you got the right one?
01:06:49Pretty sure
01:06:57Oh, God
01:07:02I think I hear something
01:07:03It could be that guy
01:07:04If I pass back the gun, do you want to shoot him?
01:07:06Uh, yes
01:07:08No, no, no, no
01:07:09No, I can't
01:07:10I've never tried a gun before
01:07:24What's that noise?
01:07:27Please, don't tell me those are rats
01:07:30They're not rats
01:07:32They're bats
01:07:48They're bats
01:07:49You guys okay?
01:07:51Okay?
01:07:52No, I'm not okay
01:07:53Oh, God
01:07:57Let's get the hell out of here
01:07:58Good idea
01:08:05All right, ladies, kill the phones
01:08:06We got daylight
01:08:13Careful, Abby, careful
01:08:14Okay
01:08:16Okay, where do we go?
01:08:18There's a road just east of here
01:08:19Okay
01:08:20Okay
01:08:21Come on, let's go
01:08:24Okay
01:08:25Okay
01:08:26Okay
01:08:29Okay
01:08:30Okay
01:08:54Yeah, that's, that's my boy, time to head north.
01:09:17Look, look, the campfire, we gotta be close now.
01:09:21We've still got a ways to go.
01:09:23Okay.
01:09:23Come on.
01:09:23You okay?
01:09:30Watch out!
01:09:37Come on.
01:09:38Come on!
01:09:39Come on!
01:09:41Audrey, let's go!
01:09:43Audrey, get back!
01:09:48Audrey!
01:09:56Take me!
01:10:06She's burning up in the inside.
01:10:17It just...
01:10:19It just coughed her up.
01:10:21Oh, my God.
01:10:25She's not moving.
01:10:27Is he dead?
01:10:29Stay here.
01:10:30Stay here.
01:10:56She's dead.
01:10:57We can't just walk away without her.
01:11:00Look, Izzy, I'm sorry.
01:11:01I really am.
01:11:02But we got to leave that to the authorities.
01:11:04She gave her life.
01:11:06I know.
01:11:07We got to get to town and let somebody know about this.
01:11:11There may be more than one of those things running around out here.
01:11:13Who the hell knows?
01:11:17I guess you're right, but only...
01:11:21Come on.
01:11:23We're gonna get through this.
01:11:36Oh, the road.
01:11:38Finally.
01:11:40Never thought we'd make it.
01:11:41Yeah, but there's only one problem.
01:11:45What's that?
01:11:46Where are the cars?
01:11:49This road leads to Mariana.
01:11:50There's bound to be some traffic this way.
01:11:52Come on.
01:12:01Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:12:03Okay.
01:12:04Hey!
01:12:04Hey, buddy!
01:12:05Hey!
01:12:06Right here!
01:12:06Hey, hey!
01:12:07Whoa, whoa, whoa!
01:12:08Slow down, slow down, slow down!
01:12:09I need help.
01:12:09Hey, hey, hey!
01:12:10Hey!
01:12:11Slow down, slow down.
01:12:14What's up, buddy?
01:12:15Don't even ask.
01:12:16But the girl here is dehydrated bad.
01:12:19We need a ride into town.
01:12:20Maybe, uh, to a hospital or emergency room.
01:12:23Well, I just came from there, but y'all hop in the back.
01:12:26Oh, great.
01:12:27Thanks so much.
01:12:28My pleasure.
01:12:34Uh...
01:12:35Uh...
01:12:36Uh...
01:12:38Uh...
01:12:38Uh...
01:12:41Uh...
01:12:42Uh...
01:12:52You guys look like you've been through some sort of major ordeal.
01:12:56Well, that we have.
01:12:57Well, what happened?
01:12:58We ran into an animal.
01:13:00What kind of animal?
01:13:02A snake.
01:13:02A gator.
01:13:03Well, which one was it?
01:13:05A gator or a snake?
01:13:06A gator.
01:13:07It was a gator, I think.
01:13:10I've never known a little gator around these parts
01:13:12used to be so aggressive.
01:13:13Oh, this one was definitely aggressive.
01:13:15You poor souls.
01:13:41All right, I'm going to fill up my tank,
01:13:42and then we're going to get you guys the medical attention
01:13:44or whatever y'all need.
01:13:46Wouldn't mind washing some of this...
01:13:48some of this filth off my hands.
01:13:50All right.
01:13:51Well, the bathroom's right over there,
01:13:52and I'm just going to run inside.
01:13:58Come on, Izzy.
01:13:59Let's...
01:13:59let's freshen up.
01:14:01Nathan, I...
01:14:02I can't think about that right now.
01:14:04My friends, they're all dead.
01:14:15Give me your hand.
01:14:19He's after him!
01:14:21He's after him!
01:14:31What do we do?
01:14:33What do we do?
01:14:34There's an ATV out there.
01:14:39We're going to make a run for it.
01:14:40No, it'll get us.
01:14:41You still have that lighter?
01:14:43Yeah.
01:14:44Good.
01:14:44Why?
01:14:45We're going to create a little diversion.
01:14:47On three, we run.
01:14:50One, two, three.
01:14:53Get out of the back and hang out!
01:14:58Hold on!
01:15:00Go!
01:15:26It's gaining on us!
01:15:28Go faster, Nathan!
01:15:41Nathan!
01:15:42Nathan!
01:15:42I really care.
01:15:43What are we going to do?
01:15:46What are we going to do?
01:16:06It's getting closer!
01:16:09Don't stop being missed!
01:16:24I've got an idea!
01:16:25There's no way out!
01:16:26Yes, there is!
01:16:27There is!
01:16:28You hear that?
01:16:31Go!
01:16:32Go!
01:16:33Go!
01:16:33Go!
01:16:34Go!
01:16:34Go!
01:16:35Go!
01:16:36Go!
01:16:37Go!
01:16:38Go!
01:16:40Go!
01:16:48Hitch up your drawers!
01:17:11Shoot it, Nathan! Shoot it!
01:17:50Don't tread on me, Superb***h.
01:17:52Hey, that's the name of our song.
01:17:59And there's your next album cover.
01:18:16Good job, babe!
01:18:37Did you hear that?
01:18:41Yeah, you are the ugliest thing that I've ever seen.
01:18:45Run like hell, and be next to you.
01:18:49Catch that beast alive, well, yeah, I'll survive.
01:18:57Don't tread on me.
01:19:00Don't tread on me.
01:19:05Don't tread on me.
01:19:06No!
01:19:33So, go watch.
01:20:05Transcription by CastingWords
01:20:35CastingWords
01:21:05CastingWords
01:21:35CastingWords
01:21:36CastingWords
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