00:00Welcome to the 87th Oscars.
00:04Tonight we honor Hollywood's best and widest, sorry, brightest.
00:15Wow.
00:17Check out this place.
00:19Check out everything.
00:21Check out the glamour, the glitter, people tweeting on the Twitter.
00:25And no one's drunk and bitter yet because no one has lost.
00:29Look at the diamonds, the dresses, people going to excesses.
00:33The stress is on and everybody's fingers are crossed.
00:36I know the camera's on and we're behaving our best.
00:40Yet I secretly hope someone pulls a Kanye West.
00:45But we are here tonight with our Xanax and Dior.
00:48Thank you, listen, publicists who fought the Oscar war.
00:52Tonight we toast what we love most and I am thrilled to be your host.
00:55Cause all of it is for moving pictures, shadows and lights.
01:05Like a magic trick done in plain sight.
01:13Why do we love them?
01:16Why do we care when they're just moving pictures that aren't really there?
01:26But then I think of Chaplin and Monroe and Argo and Fargo or when Marty made his cargo back in
01:33time at the mall.
01:35And then there's Bardo and Brando and Billy Dee as Lando or when Sharon went commando and unsettled us all.
01:43I gasp when Indy goes back for his hat or when I think of all the tension between Ben and
01:48Matt.
01:53Oh my stars.
01:55I love transformers that transform and perfect storms that storm.
01:59Small town girls who change the world by challenging the norm.
02:02Godfather 2, the movie Clue.
02:04All these films inspire you to stand up and perform.
02:10Moving pictures take us over the rainbow across the fields of our dreams.
02:17In the heat of the night to defeat and to fight evil schemes.
02:22To swim or to swing, to dance or to sing, to flee down a flight in fright.
02:29Yes.
02:30Moving pictures are coming to life tonight.
02:37Moving pictures
02:40Where is my shoes?
02:42Is this your Jimmy Choo?
02:43Why you?
02:44Back to moving pictures
02:46And how they can move you
02:48And also improve you
02:50The joy of pretending
02:51With such happy endings
02:53Except for a gone girl
02:55When that lady slid your throat
03:01Spoiler alert
03:05Moving pictures
03:10This is what you sound like
03:14Movies, movies, wow, they rock
03:16Well once they did, but listen kid, it's all a big crock
03:19Now it's market trends and fickle friends and Hollywood baloney
03:22Believe me, Neil, you're better off just polishing your Tony
03:25This industry's in flux
03:26It's run by mucky mucks
03:27Pitching tents for tent poles and chasing Chinese bucks
03:30Opening with lots of zeros
03:32All we get a superhero
03:33Superman, Spider-Man, Batman, Jedi-Man, Sequel-Man, Prequel-Man
03:38Formulaic scripts
03:39And after 50 shades of grey
03:41They'll all have leather whips
03:42In a world where our brains are becoming machines
03:45The only screens we'll watch it are the screens in our jeans
03:48Screens in our jeans
03:49Screens in our jeans
03:51The only screens we'll watch it are the screens in our jeans
04:05I'm trying to
04:08I'm kind of in the
04:10Would you mind?
04:11But you know
04:12I know, but
04:12Dang it!
04:13Dime!
04:20Yes, three-let's films can stall
04:22Scripts can hit a wall
04:24Stars may pass
04:25Or fire your ass
04:26And weekly grosses fall
04:27But when they hit, you must admit
04:29They sometimes change your view a bit
04:31In ways both big and small
04:38Looping pictures
04:41Millions of pixels on screens
04:44They may not be real life
04:47But they'll show you what life really means
04:50More than any one image
04:54More than any one star
04:57Truly
04:58Moving pictures
05:26Oscars
05:28Moving pictures
05:31Moving pictures
05:32Show
05:32Moving pictures
05:35Show
05:35Moving pictures
05:44Grazie a tutti.
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