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00:26You should go and talk to someone.
00:30Are you sleeping?
00:35It's like a service.
00:38It's free.
00:40You might as well.
00:48Hello?
00:50Would you like to come with me?
00:57Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
01:06Happy New Year!
01:12Happy New Year!
01:15Happy New Year!
01:25Happy New Year!
01:30Happy New Year, you.
01:43Who's it?
01:45It's just an old school friend.
01:50You okay?
01:54Uh, yeah.
01:55Just a Happy New Year thing.
01:58Happy New Year!
02:05What do you mean?
02:06Are you on your own?
02:09No, I'm with Helen.
02:10What do you mean a body?
02:12Whose body, what?
02:13Rob Hagerty, sweetheart.
02:15They pulled a body out of the river this morning.
02:35Okay.
02:37Why don't we talk about how you're feeling?
02:42Uh, yeah, not great.
02:48I'm sorry to hear that.
02:53When did you start feeling this way?
02:56Uh, a couple of months ago.
03:00January, I suppose.
03:03Okay.
03:06Did something happen then, or did it just come out of nowhere, do you feel?
03:11Uh, a friend of mine killed himself in January.
03:16A friend from school.
03:21I'm very sorry to hear that, Connell.
03:24Well, we hadn't really kept up with each other through college, because he was, uh, he was back in Sligo,
03:30and I was up here and everything.
03:31And, um, um, I guess I just feel guilty that I wasn't in touch with him more.
03:40I can understand that.
03:42But however you might be feeling about your friend, but however you might be feeling about your friend, what happened
03:45to him is not your fault.
03:48You're not responsible for the decisions he made.
03:51I never even replied to the last message he sent me.
03:57When you lose someone to suicide, it can be natural to wonder if there's any more you could have done
04:03in order to help this person.
04:06I'm sure everyone in your friend's life is asking themselves the same questions now.
04:11I've really thought of people trying to help him.
04:22He'd, uh, been drinking a fair bit.
04:24He seemed a bit, uh, a bit of an arctic out of sorts, I guess.
04:29You're right.
04:31Never wanted to go home, you know.
04:34You always wanted one more.
04:37Got into a few scraps.
04:40Nothing serious, just...
04:43I thought it was a laugh.
04:45I tried talking to him, but...
05:09It'll count some.
05:10Mm-hmm.
05:35Where do you see charts?
05:52Marianne.
06:33Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, I'm so sorry.
06:40Thanks for the colors, you look great, thank you, thank you, thanks for coming, thanks for coming.
06:55Carmen, good man, good man, I hear you're doing great things above in Trinity.
07:02I'm so sorry, good man, thanks for coming.
07:41How are things?
07:44Who's this?
07:46Helen.
07:48Helen, this is Eric.
07:50Your girlfriend, is it?
07:52Yeah.
07:54Must be your fault this fella never comes home anymore.
07:56No, it's not her fault, it's my fault.
08:00She's messing.
08:08Couldn't marry Anne to come.
08:09Thought she was off in Sweden or someplace.
08:11Yeah, she was.
08:12She was back for the funeral.
08:14She's gone very thin, didn't she?
08:19Here's herself.
08:21Very good to have come all the way from Sweden, where I am.
08:23It's nice to see you.
08:30Do you know Helen here?
08:33Of course I do.
08:34We're in college together.
08:37Hello, Helen.
08:39It's all friendly, I hope.
08:42No rivalry, me.
08:44Behave yourself now.
08:57Why didn't you introduce me to any of your friends?
09:02I introduced you to Eric, didn't I?
09:05Only after you asked.
09:07To be honest, you didn't seem like you really wanted him to meet me.
09:15If you didn't want me to come, you shouldn't have asked me.
09:20Okay, I'm sorry I asked you then.
09:23What does that mean?
09:26You're sorry I was there?
09:27No.
09:28I'm saying if you got the wrong impression of what it was going to be like, then I'm sorry.
09:34You didn't want me there at all, did you?
09:36I didn't want to be there myself, to be honest.
09:40Look, I'm sorry you didn't have a good time, but like it was a funeral.
09:43I don't really know what you expected.
09:52But you weren't ignoring Marianne?
09:54I wasn't ignoring anyone.
09:56But you seemed particularly happy to see her.
09:58For fuck's sake, Kevin.
10:00What?
10:01Why does every argument have to come back to this?
10:05Our friend just killed himself and I know you want to start going at me about Marianne, like seriously.
10:12And yeah, I was happy to see her.
10:15Does that make me a monster?
10:19I've been very sympathetic about Robin, you know that.
10:22But what do you expect me to do?
10:23Just pretend I don't notice you're staring at another woman in front of me.
10:26No, I was not staring at her.
10:27You were.
10:28In the church.
10:29But it wasn't intentional.
10:36Why do you have to act so weird around her?
10:39How I act with her is my normal personality.
10:44Maybe I'm just a weird person.
11:00Maybe.
11:15Most of you will, I hope, have picked up on the fact
11:18that Cary and Judea has inspiration.
11:22So obviously when someone's reading,
11:25you will find out what games of matricide,
11:30This dismantling of the bandit trope is fairly radical, and the constitution itself quite
11:35poorly defined by the Irish man, higher in placement of the human being.
11:41The patriarchal structure is rooted in the foundations of the Irish man.
11:44You are the most important and important.
11:48You are the man of your hand, and you are the only animal of your own.
11:55Our miserably, we are the most important.
12:21Like, I want to be there for you, but you just won't let me.
12:28I have tried.
12:31And I feel like I'm holding on to other, like, frankly, legitimate worries, or whatever,
12:39that existed before all this.
12:42Before you felt like this.
12:46And I can't sit on them because you're feeling so low.
12:49That's just not fair.
12:52I really care about you.
12:55I hate seeing you like this.
12:58But I don't think this is working anymore.
13:03I don't know that this was all the way working before, and now...
13:07All this has just, like...
13:12Exacerbated it, and...
13:16Okay.
13:22I'm sorry.
13:28I'm sorry, too.
13:39Do you have friends here in Dublin?
13:42Anyone you're close with that you might talk to about how you're feeling?
13:53Um...
13:53Niall.
13:54Maybe he was the one who told me about this.
13:58Well, that's good.
14:01He's looking out for you.
14:04Niall.
14:06Okay.
14:09I have another friend that I'm pretty close with, but, um...
14:14Issues on Erasmus this year.
14:20I'm sorry.
14:21Sounds awful.
14:23I liked her.
14:26I did.
14:28I genuinely did.
14:30I know she wasn't entirely fond of me, but...
14:34It's hard to ignore that she made you happy.
14:37I... I don't know.
14:39I don't feel anything.
14:42Then I, uh...
14:45I found myself crying, or...
14:47Having a panic attack, so presumably I do feel it just, uh...
14:52It just doesn't connect.
14:58I understand.
15:02I know you do.
15:03I know.
15:07I'm ready to eat hired.
15:10You want to sleep?
15:14We can keep Skype on.
15:18Carry me over to your bed.
15:20Please.
15:37When I'm drunk, I'll tell you...
15:45Bye.
15:46Bye.
15:49Bye.
15:51Bye.
15:52Bye.
15:52Bye.
15:53Bye.
15:54Bye.
15:55Bye.
15:55Bye.
16:13is she a friend from college we were in school together but uh she's in trinity as well it's
16:23marianne she knew rob our friend who died but um uh she's away this year like i said
16:56you're awake
17:01morning
17:15is she someone you might talk with about how you're feeling
17:19she's been supportive about it she's um
17:28she's hard to describe if you don't know her she's um she's really smart she's a lot smarter than me
17:40we see the world in a similar way and uh we've lived our life in the same place so obviously
17:49it's um
17:53it's a bit different being away from her
17:57it sounds difficult
18:02i don't really click uh with a lot of people i struggle with that actually
18:12do you think that's a new problem or is it familiar to you
18:21um it's uh familiar i would say um
18:29in school i definitely felt that uh feeling of isolation or whatever
18:38people seem to like me and everything and um uh here i don't think that uh
18:51people like me that much
18:57i like what rob my friend who um
19:03i wouldn't say that we clicked on a very deep level or anything but uh
19:10we were friends
19:15i wouldn't say that we had a lot in common in terms of interests or anything
19:18and uh definitely not politically enough that we ever uh really examined that but uh
19:30that stuff didn't really matter in school
19:33because we were we were in the same group of friends so you know
19:38i understand that
19:41and uh
19:43she she did some stuff that i uh
19:47i wouldn't have been a fan of in terms of like we're girls but uh
19:55we were 18 you know we just
20:00we acted like idiots
20:05i think
20:07i felt a bit alienated
20:09with that stuff
20:12and uh
20:17i think
20:19i think i thought if i
20:22moved here
20:24i'd fit in better
20:27i thought um
20:31i'd meet more like-minded people but that just hasn't
20:36um
20:49i left
20:50currently thinking i could have a different life
21:00i could have a different life
21:02and i can never go back
21:09because those friendships are gone and
21:16and rob is gone and i can't i can't see him again
21:23i can't get that life back
21:26i'm sorry
21:29you don't need to apologize
21:31but
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23:13About?
23:15About Rob.
23:17After the funeral, did you feel angry?
23:21With him?
23:23No.
23:24No, geez, no.
23:26I know that people feel that when someone...
23:33I couldn't get off Facebook.
23:37Everyone kept commenting on his wall.
23:40Yeah.
23:40It made me furious.
23:44What did they mean, all these people?
23:47Advertising their loss like that.
23:49And who's it for?
23:50Not Rob, obviously.
23:54What's the etiquette there?
23:55Should I be liking every comment on his wall?
23:58Well, sounds like you've worked through that anger.
24:01No.
24:03Of course people can grieve how they want.
24:09Sorry.
24:10I get it.
24:13It feels a bit pointless.
24:15Yeah, I think that's it.
24:19And everyone kept talking about...
24:23What a great person he was.
24:25How full of life.
24:27What a devoted son.
24:28And I get it.
24:31What?
24:32But was that him?
24:36No.
24:39He was insecure.
24:44Obsessed with being liked.
24:46I mean...
24:47I know I can talk.
24:49My boss.
24:56I miss you.
25:01I miss you too.
25:03Come.
25:26I'm just a man.
25:30Tipping on the wire.
25:35Tightrope walking through.
25:39Balanced on desire.
25:43I cannot control.
25:46These ever-changing ways.
25:52So how can I be sure?
25:56The feeling will remain.
26:02It'll always change.
26:06For everything I am.
26:16No.
26:16Nothing.
26:17That's right.
26:17No.
26:17No.
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