- 7 hours ago
Rivals Season 1 Episode 4
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:29I'll see you next time.
00:36I haven't eaten since we last met.
00:39Really?
00:40You still have all my silverware.
00:42Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:44It's all right.
00:45Needed to lose the Christmas weight?
00:46I've just been so busy since New Year's Eve.
00:48Oh, good.
00:49I'm glad you deserve to be.
00:52Catering at the Birmingham Pheasant Shoe next Saturday.
00:55You be there?
00:56Sadly not.
00:57I haven't had an invitation to the falconry
00:59since I introduced Paul Stratton to Monica's buffet table.
01:02A real shame on this occasion,
01:04as I hear the food will be excellent.
01:06And there's me thinking the weight of a man's heart
01:08is in his trousers.
01:10Am I interrupting?
01:12No, Daddy.
01:12We borrowed his cutlery for the party.
01:14Well, then we should return it.
01:25Don't ever tell me how much I enjoy your shower.
01:28Thrilling stuff.
01:30Once you get your teeth into someone,
01:31you don't let go, do you?
01:32If you're such a fan, why don't you come on?
01:34You'd make a great guest.
01:37I promise to be gentle.
01:39Uh-huh.
01:44Unfortunately, the only evening I've got free
01:46in the near future is Valentine's Day,
01:48and I doubt it'll stay that way for long.
01:52Sorry to disappoint our chap.
01:54Here we are, Rupert.
01:58Rupert.
01:59Huh?
02:01Thanks, Ty.
02:15Cunt.
02:20That's all we've got time for tonight.
02:21I'm sure our audience misses seeing you
02:23each week in Knight Rider.
02:25Still, at least you're not playing second film
02:27to a talking car anymore.
02:39Time to wrap it up, Declan?
02:40He's got ten seconds left.
02:43Before we go,
02:45I would also like to mention
02:46that a special edition of our show
02:48will now be going out on Valentine's Day
02:50with former Olympic show jumper
02:51Mr. Rupert Campbell Black MP.
02:53I know that news will come as a surprise
02:55and a delight to many.
02:58Until next time,
03:00good night.
03:12What the fuck was that?
03:13I thought I told you
03:14not to pull this shit anymore.
03:16Jesus, relax, will you?
03:17Relax.
03:18Declan, all his office has to do
03:20is release a statement tomorrow morning
03:21saying they don't know
03:22what we're talking about
03:23and we look like a bunch of amateurs.
03:25Cameron, be nice to poor Declan.
03:27He's an asshole.
03:28No, he's a genius.
03:30Rupert can't refuse a challenger, man.
03:33You're both assholes.
03:35All we have to do is wait.
03:36Declan?
03:37Yeah?
03:38Mr. Campbell Black is on line one.
03:50Well?
03:51Isn't the genius going to talk to him?
03:53You can speak to my producer.
03:56Same as anybody else.
04:04This is Cameron Cook.
04:06Mrs. T thinks I should accept the invitation
04:08to take the opportunity
04:09to show you media pinkos who's boss.
04:11I'm inclined to agree with her,
04:13but I voted for Reagan.
04:14Really?
04:15Good girl.
04:17So, Minister,
04:18are you game?
04:19We don't know each other well,
04:20Miss Cook,
04:21but I do hope
04:22that over the course
04:23of our acquaintance
04:24I might have the opportunity
04:25to show you
04:26how
04:27very game
04:28I am.
04:32Well?
04:35He's in.
04:38He's in.
04:57He's in.
05:39I don't think you're touching my tits later just like that.
05:42No. Sure.
05:45Ignore my sister.
05:46She's the right bellend.
05:50Before the syphilis reached his brain, my father used to host seven shoots a year,
05:53and we never started the first drive later than half past nine.
05:56Shush, darling. They're waiting for an electrician friend.
05:58Oh, yes, the electrician.
05:59He's not an electrician.
06:01Freddie Jones is an electronics mogul.
06:04Today's a celebration of him joining my board.
06:06He's the guest of honour, Henry.
06:07You and your wife are here to make sure he has a jolly nice time, all right?
06:12Oh, he's here.
06:13Oh, fine, then.
06:17Look at that little number.
06:19Yeah, well, as long as he can shoot straight, I couldn't give a fuck.
06:22That's the spirit.
06:25You made it!
06:28Bloody hell, Tom.
06:30Should I chuck a bucket of mud over me motor?
06:32I'm feeling very conspicuous all of a sudden.
06:34Freddie, perfect as you are.
06:36My sweets.
06:40Oh, dear God.
06:41It's Sherlock Ideal Holmes.
06:43Tony, thank you so much for receiving us.
06:46Need to investigate crimes against him.
06:48Come on.
06:48Hello, Mary.
06:49Good to see you.
06:50Pleasure.
06:51Lady Hermione.
06:52So honored to make your acquaintance.
06:55Mrs Jones, I've heard so much about you.
07:00Now, let's get a gun in your hand.
07:02No need.
07:08I brought me home.
07:09Oh.
07:12Marvellous.
07:13Well, everybody said about the bird.
07:16Bird, bird, bird.
07:17The bird's a winner.
07:18Well, the bird, bird, bird.
07:19Bird is a winner.
07:20Well, the bird, bird, bird.
07:21Well, the bird is a winner.
07:23Well, the bird, bird, bird.
07:24The bird's a winner.
07:25Well, the bird, bird, bird.
07:26Well, the bird is a winner.
07:27Well, the bird, bird.
07:29The bird's a winner.
07:30Well, the don't you know.
07:31About the bird.
07:32Well, everybody knows that the bird is a winner.
07:34Well, the bird.
07:35You are sure he can shoot, aren't you?
07:39Heh.
07:41Well, everybody said about the bird.
07:44Bird, bird, bird.
07:45The bird's a winner.
07:46Well, the bird, bird.
07:48The bird's a winner.
07:49Well, the don't you know.
07:50Well, the bird's a winner.
07:51Well, everybody thought it all about the bird.
07:53The bird, bird.
07:55The bird's a winner.
07:56No way to burn.
07:57So forget.
08:34So how long do you spend on a cock?
08:37Well, generally speaking, I can finish one off in 15 minutes or less,
08:41but my hands aren't as quick as they used to be.
08:43No, I'm sure.
08:47Any of you ladies first, you having a go?
08:50Traditionally speaking, Fred, it's the men that shoot.
08:52We ladies are here merely to marvel at your prowess.
08:55I will.
08:57Oh, she's doing it.
08:58She's off.
08:59All right, good for you, girl.
09:03So, there it is.
09:04What handed are you?
09:05Right handed.
09:05What handed?
09:06Okay, so just take it.
09:07Take your triggers there.
09:08Safety stuff now.
09:11You've got to keep your heart into your shoulder.
09:13Otherwise, you're going to do yourself a mess, yes.
09:14Okay.
09:16Right, okay.
09:16Go on.
09:17End your own time.
09:21Whoa.
09:22Oh, never mind.
09:24Go on, have another go.
09:24Oh, no, no, no, it's fine.
09:27God, look at the state of your hands.
09:29Oh, God.
09:30I hope nobody would notice.
09:32Um, I was fighting with a typewriter ribbon first thing.
09:36Needless to say, the ribbon won.
09:43Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
09:52No anywhere quiet?
10:09Lord, Lieutenant. Hello. Mr. Hampshire.
10:13You must visit Greenlawn soon. We would so love to receive you. Do say you'll come.
10:19Certainly, yes. What a splendid idea. Mrs. Stratton, hello. You must come and visit me at my boutique.
10:26We're all searching for the right kind of clientele and well. Natural elegance can be so hard to find.
10:31Yes. No, I have been meaning to. You could pick something out for your cranium screen test, couldn't you, darling?
10:35Great idea. A screen test. How exciting. Any idea what he has in mind for you?
10:39Oh, he hasn't said, actually. Well, choose your outfit wisely, Sarah. The camera can be very unforgiving.
10:45Even to the most perfect of specimens. Sure.
10:55Freddie. I thought you hadn't shot before. Turns out you were a natural.
10:59Yeah, I was top marksman at Bisley for two years doing me national service.
11:03I know. Why wouldn't I do that? I want to introduce you to my son.
11:06Um, stay with me, man.
11:09Yeah.
11:10OK.
11:11OK.
11:16OK.
11:29OK.
11:29OK.
11:29OK.
11:31OK.
11:33OK.
11:45Oh, fuck.
11:53It's blipping a wank. I thought you right out, mate. Just a thought.
11:58There are far too many loaded guns around here today for you to be making comments like that.
12:02Now, fuck off before I do something you'll regret.
12:17Oh, Toad.
12:19Look who's here.
12:21Surprise.
12:22I hope you don't mind us dropping in.
12:24Course not.
12:26I've shot two dozen pheasant of Jane and Woodcock this morning. Why shouldn't I add a couple of cuckoos to
12:30that tally?
12:32Well, for a start, I wouldn't be able to appear on your chat show.
12:37Why shoot you now when I can wait and have you savaged by an Irish wolfhound?
12:47Ginger!
12:48Please show our guests to their pegs for the next drive.
12:51Right.
12:52Come along, Lizzie.
12:54I can't believe you turned up uninvited.
12:57You don't always have to be invited, Taggy.
13:01Good things seldom come to those who wait.
13:12Charles!
13:13Oh, hello.
13:14I didn't expect to see anybody.
13:16I was researching Campbell Black and needed something from my office.
13:19I never thought I'd see the day when Tony Baddingham met Declan O'Hara doing his dirty work.
13:23I have my own reasons for wanting to take that bastard down.
13:26You know, in different circumstances, you and Rupert could have been friends.
13:29Both complicated, both stubborn.
13:32Misunderstood.
13:32Bollocks.
13:33What are you doing in a Saturday?
13:37Moving offices ahead of my grand return.
13:40Apparently, my recent coronary episode makes me a medical liability.
13:45Which is why Cameron Cook is now a controller of programmes and I'm...
13:49Head of Religious Broadcasting.
13:51I can't begrudge her too much.
13:54I mean, the greasy pearl requires its own set of skills.
13:58Especially when the greasy pearl in question lives in Tony Baddingham's trousers.
14:05How's the heart?
14:07How's the heart?
14:08Oh, you know.
14:11Broken.
14:14Don't show Tony any weakness, Declan O'Hara.
14:17This is what you get.
14:20I'm sorry.
14:36This is what you do.
14:36You get your heart.
14:37As long as you get your heart, I'm sorry.
14:48He is the rest.
15:14I don't know.
15:19What do you think of your first shoot?
15:21How can people murder helpless animals all day for fun?
15:24Says the girl who baked two dozen pork pies for the occasion.
15:27Or do you suppose the pork piggies were hugged to death?
15:29Don't be horrid. I needed the job.
15:31Don't be a hypocrite.
15:33Stand up for what you believe in.
15:38Maybe I shouldn't be saying this, but I don't think you should go on Daddy's show.
15:42I'm worried he's going to do something awful.
15:46You'll be fine.
15:47Promise.
15:48Oh, smashing spread, Agatha.
15:52I'm hosting at the Beaufort next month, and I wondered if you might do the food.
15:57Oh, that's very kind.
16:02To be honest, I find the whole idea of hunts and shoots utterly objectionable, and I won't be doing them
16:11anymore.
16:11Oh.
16:13Right.
16:14Be careful, Agatha. You're in danger of developing a backbone.
16:18Now, I've got a girl's supper Monday week. I'm going to give you a tinkle.
16:31Come on, Root. We've got a hot date. It's a dog and trumpet.
16:34Bye, Angel.
17:00I have had the most delightful day.
17:04It's so nice to have finally found our kind of people.
17:08Sorry, Todd. I've got to get to the office. Trouble with a shipment out of Japan.
17:11Well, you're a true titan of industry, Freddie. Let's talk again soon.
17:15Try and set a date for you to come in and discuss your ideas.
17:17I'll give you a ring on Monday.
17:19Thanks.
17:25Well done.
17:28I bet you still there. I'll fetch the brandy glasses.
17:39Oh, Mr. Hampshire, I would so love to receive you.
17:44Oh, well.
17:46Fortunately for you, Mrs. Jones,
17:49hounds aren't the only thing I ride to.
17:53Cheers.
17:53Oh, I'm sure a ride with you would be delightful.
17:56What can I say? The likeness is uncanny.
17:58Oh, what about me, Mr. Hampshire? Do I bear a semblance?
18:01Oh, I'm sure he wishes you did.
18:02He'd be bounding down to Greenland
18:05to admire one's topiary balls.
18:09Oh, God!
18:16Sorry, Mousie left her, um...
18:19Oh, no, yeah, sure. I was just, um...
18:21trying them on for size.
18:23You know, I really must get down to Mousie's boutique soon.
18:26Well, look, thanks again for a great time.
18:28Let's talk on Monday.
18:29Absolutely. Let me see you...
18:30No, no, no, you're all right.
18:32I know you're all right.
18:40Come on.
18:45Now, who'd like a cigar?
18:50Yes, please.
18:51Very unfortunate.
19:08Ah, how was the shoot?
19:10Well, they killed loads of birds, but they're like my food.
19:14Rupert stopped by.
19:15Oh, Jesus Christ.
19:18Is there no place free of that man?
19:41Cheathing.
19:47Core red-handed.
19:56Why are you in here?
20:01What are you planning on doing to Rupert?
20:04He said he was sorry.
20:05I raised you to be smarter than that.
20:07A story is a story.
20:10It looks like it's all been said before.
20:12No, it hasn't.
20:14He doesn't deserve whatever you have planned for him.
20:16It's called journalism, Tag.
20:18You can call it what you want.
20:21I call it revenge.
20:30So what's this big scoop you've got on Rupert?
20:32The whole office is talking about it.
20:34The magician never reveals his secrets, sir.
20:40The butcher of Carinium, that's a new one.
20:44It's not true, is it?
20:46I mean, I know the show can get a bit confrontational,
20:49but it never rips someone apart for the sake of it.
20:52You're making great television.
20:53And, more importantly, keeping Lord B happy.
21:14Slag.
21:16Lord Battingham's office.
21:19Of course, putting you through.
21:22PHONE RINGS
21:23Freddie Jones for you.
21:29Freddie, how are you?
21:30I can't join your ball, Tony.
21:33Freddie.
21:34I heard everything.
21:36You, Sarah, all of them.
21:39I don't mind people making fun of me.
21:42It's just that nobody makes fun of Mum Valerie.
21:48We all love Mousy.
21:50I hate snobs, Tony.
21:52And you're the worst kind there is,
21:54the client who's forgotten where he came from.
22:10Fred, Fred, I am in such turmoil.
22:13Some young ladies from Carinium were in the boutique earlier today
22:15saying the most ghastly things about Tony Battingham and that plug woman.
22:19I just don't know what I'm going to say to poor Monica.
22:22Then don't say anything.
22:22Oh, I must.
22:23It's too awful.
22:24Mousy, please.
22:25It's got nothing to do with us.
22:29What?
22:35We need it, Freddie!
22:40It was Rupert.
22:42He crashed the chute, ruined the mood.
22:44Don't be such a baby.
22:45You fucked up.
22:50Beg your pardon?
22:52You heard me.
23:00Forget Freddie Jones.
23:02You've got me and Declan, and we've got the highest ratings in the country.
23:14You know, Declan's got a scoop on Rupert.
23:18Apparently it's top secret.
23:20Valentine's Day can't come quickly enough.
23:28Mon Mon.
23:30Ah!
23:32I promise we aren't always shooting things here, Valerie.
23:35But roosting on my hornbeams is a capital offence.
23:38Ha!
23:38Ha!
23:42Dearest Mon Mon, I'm afraid I must relay some rather difficult information to you regarding
23:49Cameron Cork.
23:50Oh, yes?
23:51You see, as the owner of a very popular boutique, one learns about all sorts of goings-on,
23:56and, well, the suggestion is that she might have come by her recent promotion through certain
24:02immodest means, and that perhaps your husband's head was, well, turned.
24:09Well, that's very interesting, Valerie.
24:13I mean, actually, I've no idea whether...
24:14Be substantiated!
24:21No.
24:22You don't.
24:29It can leave one feeling quite alone.
24:33So if ever you wanted to confide in someone...
24:37I'm sure that won't be necessary.
24:39Thank you so much for stopping by.
24:54Good morning, Rutger, and a happy Valentine's Day to all our listeners.
24:59Stay tuned for back-to-back love songs to get you in the romantic mood.
25:03And on television tonight, Declan O'Hara will be interviewing local Casanova, Rupert Campbell Black.
25:09Let's see if Declan gets him to kiss and tell all.
25:12Without a seat
25:14Good morning, good morning.
25:16Delivery?
25:17Oh, gosh.
25:19For...
25:19Mr. Berica?
25:21Oh.
25:27Thanks.
25:27Bye, darling.
25:28One stash.
25:29Feel free to pop all this from a pile for me.
25:31Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I call me.
25:34Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain.
25:39Darling, we can go for dinner any time.
25:43Tonight, I want to watch the Valentine's Day massacre of Rupert Campbell Black.
25:49Well, I'll have finished my screen test for Cotswold Roundup by mid-afternoon,
25:52so you have until then to change your mind.
25:55Okay.
25:57Or what?
25:59You'll hang an open-for-business sign on your dressing room door.
26:06Don't tempt me.
26:32Where have you been?
26:34Just getting some exercise.
26:38Archie, dear, your father says he found you on the morning of the shoot
26:42receiving manual stimulation from an estate worker.
26:47Uh...
26:48Well, darling, look.
26:51Whilst boarding school is undoubtedly a lonely place
26:54where certain extracurricular activities are tolerated,
26:57well, at least they were in my day.
26:59Fuck.
27:00I do feel that one should exercise restraint when closer to home.
27:06After all, fraternising with the staff
27:10can only ever lead to pain and humiliation for all concerned.
27:19There are lines one does not cross.
27:22Understood?
27:25Yeah.
27:27Good.
27:33Well, see, I told you I'd deal with it.
27:35I don't know what I'd do without you.
27:37Well, you might bear that in mind.
27:49Cameron Cook.
27:50I met a lady in the Meads, full beautiful, a fairy's child.
27:53Her hair was long, her foot was light, and her eyes were wild.
27:57I set her on my pacing steed, and nothing else saw all day long.
28:00For sidelong would she bend and sing a fairy's song.
28:03You know, it's customary to some flowers, cheapskate.
28:07Oh, hey, there's nothing cheap about John Keats.
28:09Go try your luck with some dough-out undergrads.
28:11I'm busy.
28:14I'm busy.
28:38I believe I asked for coffee sometime this century would be fantastic.
28:43You'd think the promotion would make her happy, but she's angrier than ever.
28:47I'll get the coffee.
28:49You get the phone.
28:50James Rourke's phone.
28:52Oh, hello, Deirdre.
28:53Can you tell James I'd like him home for lunch today?
28:56I'm sorry, who's this?
28:58His wife.
29:00Oh, yes.
29:01Right, you are.
29:27This is for you.
29:29But it's from Rupert.
29:31Oh!
29:37Hey, Bert.
29:39How are you?
29:41Dreadful.
29:42So, Freddie Jones lent me this fabulous new sing-along machine, freshly shipped from Japan.
29:47I was supposed to be hosting, and if music be the food of love, karaoke and curry night.
29:53Only now, my chef's off sick.
29:55Well, I could cook a curry for you.
29:58Oh, that's exactly what I hoped you'd say.
30:00Did I just hear I'm getting abandoned on Valentine's night?
30:04You said you were going to watch Daddy's interview with me, Taggy.
30:07Well, come to the bar.
30:09You can watch the interview, and I can watch you.
30:13And thank you, my darling, honestly.
30:15You're really helping me out of a tight spot.
30:16Oh, well, I have a tight spot, too, if you fancy lending a hand.
30:21Come to Bar Sinister tonight, and I'll lend you two.
30:25Ooh.
30:34Who was that?
30:35Oh, uh, it was Baz.
30:38He wants Taggy to do some cooking for him.
30:40Good luck tonight.
30:41Thanks, love.
30:43Give him hell.
30:44Oh, I will.
30:47Daddy, please don't do this to Rupert.
30:49Oh, for fuck's sake, Tag.
30:51This is happening whether you like it or not.
30:53Now, go up.
31:12Sorry, you were brilliant.
31:13I said it before.
31:14The camera loves you.
31:15I was so nervous this morning, and having you there just really put me at ease, you know.
31:18You should see Sarah's screen test camera.
31:20She's really something.
31:23I'd rather watch frogs fucking.
31:26Hey, you can take the girl out of New York.
31:28Well, here he is, man of the moment.
31:31What's this?
31:31More dirt on Rupert?
31:32You'll have to find out tonight, I'm afraid.
31:34Scorpion are holding their front page for us tomorrow, so whatever you have, O'Hara, better
31:37be good.
31:37What is it?
31:38Mm-hmm.
31:39Drugs?
31:40Underage girls?
31:40God, I'd love to see that smug bastard in that.
31:43It's not criminal, but I promise you won't be disappointed.
31:46It'll blindside even him.
31:48God.
31:49He's a shark.
31:50Come on.
31:52Mm-hmm.
32:20Two sugars.
32:22The shock.
32:27I only come round to give you this.
32:30Oh, gosh, it's...
32:32What is it?
32:34It's a word processor, sort of like a fancy electric typewriter.
32:39So you don't have to worry about any more ink-based accidents.
32:43Oh, gosh, Freddie, that's...
32:47That's so...
32:48You have a talent, Lizzie.
32:51They should be encouraged.
32:56I'd better go.
32:59Yes, sir.
33:00Go on.
33:07For what it's worth, and I didn't see much, but for what it's worth, I thought you looked lovely.
33:26Hello?
33:27Sorry, darling, couldn't get away.
33:29Oh, that's all right.
33:31Doesn't matter now.
33:32Listen, the whole station's staying to watch the Campbell Black Bloodbath in person, so don't wake up, all right?
33:38Oh, right-o.
33:40Lots of love.
33:51I thought you might like to meet your new co-host.
33:54Co-host?
33:55What do you mean, co-host?
34:02Oh, I see.
34:05Well, I can feel my ratings soaring already.
34:14Are you here about the pony?
34:16Tabitha's in the stables this way.
34:18I'm here to speak to you about your ex-husband.
34:21My father's Declan O'Hara.
34:23I've already told his office I want nothing to do with it.
34:24I've got a really bad feeling about the interview tonight.
34:26It's got nothing to do with me.
34:28Talk to Rupert.
34:29Ask him to back out.
34:31Please.
34:32I think you should leave.
34:34I mean, you must have left him once.
34:36Are you sleeping with him?
34:39No, I...
34:40No, I'm...
34:41Rupert is bad news.
34:42I believe that people can change.
34:44I was just like you.
34:45I told myself, nobody understands him like me.
34:48He'll change.
34:49I looked at him and I saw all this potential.
34:52And he looked at me and saw something he'd enjoy breaking.
34:57Rupert is a cancer.
34:59My advice?
35:01Cut him out before it's too late.
35:03Now please leave.
35:31You're aware you are because you're good.
35:34You know that, don't you?
35:37Come on, snap out of it.
35:39We have history to make.
35:41Elvis is about to enter the building.
35:59Remember, this isn't Wogan.
36:01He won't be gentle.
36:02If you don't like the question, change the subject.
36:05Thanks for the words of wisdom, Sensei.
36:06But I do feel in situations like this, it's often better just to be oneself.
36:13Try telling that to Ted Heames.
36:15Oh my God!
37:13I
37:18I
37:19Hi, Sandra's just gonna touch up. I'd love her to but I'm about to appear on national television. Mr. Campbell
37:24Black
37:26Great to have you on the show ready when you are
37:45I
38:04Hello
38:06Darling, I am so sorry. I'm such a pig. Can you forgive me? I bought champagne
38:12Oh
38:13You shouldn't have
38:17Few all right direct me to the vol-a-vans
38:25And we're live in five
38:30Four
38:35Two
38:41Good luck, Dexam
38:43One
38:53My guest tonight needs no introduction
38:55He's been described as the world's greatest showjumper and one of the most eligible bachelors in England
39:00He is of course Minister for sport and MP for Chalford and Bisley. Mr. Rupert Campbell Black
39:09Now Mr. Gilbert Black you've had a varied career, haven't you? What first attracted you to politics?
39:15Athletes make good politicians
39:16Show jumping taught me how to think on my feet and remain unfazed under scrutiny
39:21Do you get on with the prime minister?
39:24I hold her in enormously high esteem
39:26Byron Thatcher is the daughter of a greengrocer
39:28She went to a grammar school as did Norman Tebbit, Cecil Parkinson
39:32The Conservative Party has changed
39:34And it's Mrs. Thatcher who has changed it
39:38So why do you think she keeps you around?
39:41I hope she thinks I'm good at my job
39:45Do aristocrats make good politicians?
39:47Plenty of them have
39:49My family has a strong sense of moral duty
39:51I inherited that with the house
39:54Ah, noblesse oblige
39:56If you like
39:57My Latin's not what it used to be
40:01But with your privileged background
40:03How can you understand the difficulties faced by the man on the street?
40:08I can't help the circumstances of my birth
40:10It's not what you've got, it's what you do with it
40:17Now, your tenure as minister for sport has been controversial
40:21If you're talking about football
40:23Then the hooligans are a tiny minority
40:26Well, you have taken a notoriously light touch approach to policing the game
40:30The poor swords are out of work
40:32Their fathers are out of work
40:34Often their grandfathers too
40:35Out of the sheer frustration at not winning
40:37They resort to violence
40:38I think we should try to understand the vandals
40:40Sounds almost socialist
40:42Although some people might call you a vandal
40:45Of women
40:47Horses
40:47Marriages
40:49Still
40:50Adultery must prepare you well for life within the Conservative Party
40:56I'm sorry
40:57You know, sneaking around
40:58Lying
40:59Betrayal
41:00Sexual degeneracy
41:01I'm no longer married
41:03Yeah, but you were
41:04For six years
41:05And yet throughout your marriage your affairs were common knowledge
41:07I mean one glass of shape here has described you as
41:09Rather a nasty virus that everyone's wife caught sooner or later
41:14Well if you'd seen his wife it's definitely later
41:21Christ he really is an arsehole isn't he
41:23And that's the break in five
41:26And that's time for a break
41:27Three
41:28Winding up there Clint
41:30Two
41:31And we're out
41:36Clear
41:37And we're back on in three minutes
41:42Rupert
41:43There's somebody here to see you
41:45Ooh
41:54Teggy what are you doing here?
41:55You need to go
41:55Just walk out
41:58Your father's not
41:59Your father's not the first old socialist who's tried to catch me out
42:01Whatever you're worried about
42:02It's already out there
42:03No
42:03I know him
42:05He's saving the worst for later
42:07When he wants something he's ruthless
42:09He'll do anything
42:11I mean he's
42:11He's just like you
42:13Exactly
42:15Minister we need you back on set
42:16The break's almost over
42:17Just walk out the building with me
42:19Minister
42:20Please
42:32Five seconds and we're back
42:33Why the fuck is he?
42:36Five
42:36Jekson you're gonna have to ad lib
42:38Four
42:40Three
42:45Two
42:48Three
42:56Ten
42:57Welcome back
42:59You know this reminds me of
43:01Being back on the circuit
43:03Having an opponent
43:05Knowing that I can make a tiny mistake
43:06And it might all be over
43:07It's exhilarating
43:08weg
43:09This is an interview
43:09There's no winner
43:11That's not true though is it?
43:14He wants to beat me
43:18he's trying to distract him now's the time declin most celebrities are scared that i'll
43:27find out something exposing about something's wrong the more awful things you do the more the
43:32public seem to love you well who am i to argue with public opinion so you don't deny it what's
43:39that but you've done awful things i have you're right isn't that what we do
43:49we men like us i am nothing like you really you're cold you have had the best education
43:59when you come by yet you remain a philistine you barely see your children you pick up women just
44:05because you can but you're still fundamentally alone and when they can't fill that emptiness inside
44:10you you discard them despite your gold medals and your money you are a lonely man rattling around
44:18a huge empty manor and that's who you likely end your days you behave like a man with no secrets
44:24and no shame well there is one thing i'd like to discuss with you you're right i'm a rake
44:37a liar cheat if there's something i wanted i pursued it i didn't care about anybody else my horses my
44:45teammates my wife but we're still alike i very much doubt that you're the best in the world at what
44:51you do flattery will get you nowhere mr i remember what that was like being the best and what i
44:56was
44:56willing to do to stay there what are you willing to do
45:03a family to yourself
45:21i'm bored of you tickling each other's balls they can get the fucking cat out of the bag
45:30you're right
45:34i'm a workaholic
45:40and when i'm consumed by something
45:44i can be um
45:48i can be a monster
45:52yeah
45:57you're probably a better husband than i was
46:01after all you're still married
46:04i don't know
46:06i think i'm a pretty bad husband
46:14do you think you've ever been in love
46:26no
46:30that's my fault
46:32my ambition hasn't left room for much else
46:35do you think that'll ever change
46:42the fucker isn't gonna do it
46:44well even if he doesn't destroy rupert this could still be a good show
46:46tell me about um
46:48tell me about your childhood
46:50pull the transmission let's just see where this goes
46:53do you value your job pull the fucking transmission
46:56no because this is my show
46:57cut the transmission
46:58no
46:59do that to me
47:00no
47:01give me that
47:01cameron
47:03cameron for fuck's sake
47:04no trust me
47:06you fractured my upbringing
47:08listen you arrogant little irish prick
47:10either you destroy the fuck or i'm gonna come down there and pull you off the floor myself
47:14there's no point tony he's already taken his earpiece out he can't hear you
47:17if it's any constellation we've made some really great television
47:21this would have worked if you'd just done your fucking job
47:27who do you trust
47:31who do you count on
47:41dogs
47:44i much prefer dogs to people
47:50i'd give anything to see my old labyrinth or badger again
47:56he was a good dog
48:08so which of your many sporting achievements was the hardest one
48:15which was the hardest
48:17the king's cup
48:17the olympic gold
48:19the world championship
48:20well
48:21none of them
48:24the hardest thing
48:26the thing that nearly killed me
48:29yeah
48:34it's giving it all
48:45ladies and gentlemen
48:47mr rupert campbell black
49:12congratulations darling it was great tv as always
49:27did you like the show
49:54great show tonight by the way best yet
49:57thank you
50:11you
50:26it's
50:28I want you to stay away from Taggy.
50:32She's young enough to be her daughter.
50:39Yeah, of course.
50:42Good.
50:50Drink?
50:51No, no. I'm taking Maude home.
50:57What was it that you had on me?
51:00What?
51:02It was just bluffing.
51:08This is karaoke, ladies and gentlemen.
51:10Come on!
51:12The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling way down in the valence of mine.
51:18There's a man in the shadows of a gun in his eye and a blade shining all so bright.
51:23There's evil in the air and there's thunder in the sky
51:26and the killers on the bloodshot streets.
51:36See, I told you it was all gonna be okay.
51:40You gonna dance?
51:41What about me?
51:43Oh, baby, you're the only thing in this whole world
51:46That's pure...
51:47I'd love to, but...
51:49I have to go.
51:52I'm sorry.
51:53I thought there's gonna be some light.
51:55I gotta get ahead, I gotta break it out now
51:58Before the final crack of dawn.
52:02We gotta make the most of our one night together
52:05When it's over, you know, we'll both be so alone.
52:10Come on, man.
52:12Come on, man.
52:13Come on, man.
52:14Like a battle here, I'll be gone when the morning comes
52:19Where the night is over, like a battle here, when the dawn's gone, going, going
52:39Like a sinner with all the gates of heaven
52:44I'll come calling home back to you
52:51I didn't pay
53:09It's rotten your heart
53:10And everything is starting to end at all
53:14And nothing really rocks and nothing really rolls
53:17And nothing's ever worth the cost
53:21I'm waiting down if I never get up
53:23I'm waiting down if I do
53:26I can't wait, I got the light in my heart
53:30I'm waiting for you
53:48The falconry
53:50Oh, hello
53:53Right, yes, of course
53:55Tell whoever it is to fuck off
53:57I would, darling
54:01Muddy's Margaret Thatcher
54:15Promise not
54:40She wants to visit the station and do an interview of her own
54:43How wonderful
54:44A real coup
54:46That's great news
54:50And all thanks to Rupert, I suppose
55:20I'll see you next time
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