- 2 days ago
The List
Wyatt becomes depressed because he can't manage to get a girlfriend after his last date disaster.
Wyatt becomes depressed because he can't manage to get a girlfriend after his last date disaster.
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00:06311? 312? Or did I already count that one? Huh. Let's go over this one more time.
00:18All I have to do is guess exactly how many beans are in the jar, and I win free coffee
00:25for a year?
00:26Yes, yes. Is this a Zet? 15,836.
00:38Nice one. I got a lucky Zet. Sweet.
00:48Oh, thanks Jude. Don't thank me, thank him.
00:54Ew, you have a lip thingy on your chin.
00:58Nuh-uh. This is my new lucky Zet. Want to rub it for luck?
01:03Ew!
01:04Suit yourselves.
01:08Are you really gonna make one of us ask?
01:11I got a job at the new photocopy shop. It's called Copy Bats.
01:14Shouldn't that be Copy Cats?
01:17That's what I said to the boss. He said that name was already taken.
01:20I bet five bucks you get fired for photocopying your butt.
01:23Already accomplished. Still employed.
01:26Decided against a color copy, huh?
01:28Gray bums are more anonymous.
01:30I autographed it for you.
01:32This bum just got the perfect job.
01:36That's kind of cute.
01:38Why so low, bro?
01:39My date last night was a bust.
01:41Oh, I'm sure she had a good time.
01:44I was driving her home and she got out of the car while it was still moving.
01:47Ow.
01:48The old tuck and roll.
01:50She was pretty much the last single girl I know.
01:52Oh, Wyatt. Things could be worse.
01:55Yeah, just look at Jonesy's hat.
02:00Well, I've done all I can. I'm off to work.
02:06If you're not going to date the car jumper again, do you mind if I give her a call?
02:12I like a girl who knows how to roll.
02:18Heads. Yep. Heads. Sweet. Heads. Wicked.
02:26That's incredible.
02:28I'm telling you, the zit has powers.
02:31Has he been like this all day?
02:33Yeah, it's getting a little depressing.
02:36Dude really needs a girlfriend.
02:38I'm giving up on girls.
02:39I'm going to be old, alone, surrounded by cats, waiting for a chance to eat me.
02:45See? Depressing.
02:46Why am I single?
02:48Why? Why? Why?
02:51Well, this has got to stop.
02:54What's that?
02:55It's my list.
02:58Huh?
02:58The list?
02:59I've never been so close.
03:02A meticulous record of every girl I've ever encountered.
03:05Notes, phone numbers, assessments, play-by-plays, it's all in here.
03:09Uh, no, hang on a second.
03:10If this can help you get back in the game and avoid being eaten by cats, I want you to
03:14take it.
03:16I cannot believe that A, you have a list, and B, you've been carrying it around with you the whole
03:22time we've been dating.
03:23Is that a problem?
03:24Uh, seriously? How long have we been dating?
03:26For, like, a while.
03:28A while?
03:29No, no, no, in months, Jonesy. How many months have we been together? No helping!
03:34Well, how many months?
03:36Several?
03:37Ooh, give me a number.
03:40Oh, Nikki, what's a number anyway?
03:42A mathematical representation of value.
03:44And that is why you're single.
03:46You know what? You should hang on to your list. Who knows when you might need it again.
03:50Nikki!
03:51Ah! Oh, no! Got it! Ah! Don't let it! No!
03:55Way to go, Zit!
03:59No big deal?
03:59But Wyatt needs help, and I-
04:01You've judged all these women on superficial criteria.
04:03Looks, kissing skills, boob size.
04:06I don't think that's superficial.
04:07Yeah, well, that's because you're a pig.
04:08Harsh?
04:09No! Reducing women to an itemized list is harsh.
04:13Carly, sweet lipstick, total tease.
04:16Ella, amazing butt, hates oranges.
04:19Yeah, she did have an amazing...
04:21hatred of oranges.
04:22Uh, am I on the list?
04:25Nikki, no skirts. Smells good, unless nervous.
04:30With all those piercings, it's like kissing a tackle box.
04:33The list's out of date. That's from before we were really a couple.
04:36So what would you say if you wrote it now, huh? How would you sum me up?
04:39Um, Nikki is, uh, good?
04:43That's how you feel about me? I'm, uh, good? That's it?
04:47I, uh, I don't know how I feel.
04:51Talking stops now.
04:52Nikki, wait!
04:55So, Jonesy offered you his list.
04:58How do you know about it?
05:00Because like Nostradamus and the kids who escaped Warlock Mountain, I possess extrasensory powers of perception.
05:08The clones told the guys at Taj Mahal.
05:11Well, it's no big deal.
05:12No big deal.
05:14Are you madman?
05:15From what I've heard, this list unlocks the final piece of the puzzle that is woman.
05:22Uh, Wayne?
05:23This list could change the lives of many men, okay? Hundreds, maybe thousands.
05:28Meat?
05:29Yes, the meat of these notes arm us with knowledge and allow us to go after women completely out of
05:36our league.
05:36Approaching hotness without an ace up your sleeve is like, it's like going into battle with no weapon!
05:42Death!
05:43Burning!
05:44Exactly!
05:45A burning, painful death!
05:50Perhaps I'm too excited.
05:52Perhaps.
05:55Kissing a tackle box?
05:57He did write it a long time ago.
05:59Nikki is, uh, good. Isn't what I would call a glowing review either.
06:03Well, at least your boyfriend is here to fight with.
06:06With Travis out of town, all I do is sit at home watching police shows on TV.
06:09Can we stay on topic here?
06:11I can't keep dating Jonesy if he doesn't know how he feels about me.
06:14What are you gonna do?
06:15I'm gonna tell him that we're officially on break until he figures out what I mean to him.
06:20Good for you, Nikki.
06:21And when I tell him, I want to be looking hotter than any girl he's ever seen.
06:27Tomorrow we shop!
06:29Hey, does Lucky look bigger to you?
06:32You know a zit can't be lucky, right?
06:33Are you kidding, bro?
06:35This morning, I fell down the stairs holding a pair of pants.
06:39When I got to the bottom, I was wearing them.
06:42Okay, that was a lucky event, but the zit had nothing to do with it.
06:46I know what I know.
06:47And what I know is that I know this zit is lucky.
06:52Now, can I get an order of fries with extra grease, please?
06:57I'm gonna feed ya.
06:58Yes, I am.
06:59Yes, I am.
07:01Oh, yes, I am.
07:04Try on the blue skirt, pink top, and high heels first.
07:08That blue thing was a skirt?
07:09I thought it was a belt.
07:11It's the ultra mini.
07:12Guys love it.
07:17Yeah, no kidding.
07:19It feels like every time I take a step, people will see my underwear.
07:22Take it for a test drive.
07:23Walk around a little.
07:27You're right.
07:28We can totally see your underwear.
07:29Shut it.
07:30Come to copy, Bats.
07:31We're batty about copies.
07:33For the last time, you can't have the list.
07:35Anyone who keeps this kind of treasure to himself is less worthwhile than a limited edition DVD of
07:40Demonic Ghost Monkeys 4 that has been bootlegged without the director's commentary or alternate better ending.
07:47This is something I don't just hand out willy-nilly, but...
07:51Really?
07:52I convinced you?
07:53You deserve to see this.
07:55Thank you, Jonesy.
07:59It's a photocopy of my bum.
08:01For the last time, give me that list.
08:05You'll never get your hands on it.
08:07We'll see about that.
08:14You really think this outfit will bring Jonesy to his knees?
08:17Of course it will.
08:18You look totally hot.
08:20And I'm gonna look way cute in this.
08:23When did you even pick that out?
08:24I know.
08:25I'm good.
08:29My credit card is gone.
08:30Where'd you use it last?
08:32I don't know.
08:33Oh, I'll call and find out.
08:38Hi, this is Kaitlyn Cook.
08:40Can you tell me the last place I used my credit card?
08:44Today?
08:45Bargain Fashion Hut?
08:47What?
08:47But they're smallest sizes in eight!
08:51Someone stole my credit card!
08:57If I only wear this stuff once, can I return it?
09:11How much for the long board?
09:13Not for sale, bro.
09:14But fill out a ballot.
09:15You have a chance to win it.
09:20It's for luck!
09:22Any word on your stolen credit card?
09:24The Bargain Fashion Hut clerk said whoever used it bought a men's hat.
09:28A guy must have stolen it.
09:30How is that possible?
09:31It just says C-Cook on the card, not Kaitlyn.
09:35Guess I should call and cancel it.
09:38I say we let this perp keep using the card and give ourselves a chance to bring him to justice.
09:44Where are you getting this from?
09:46All the cop shows you've been watching?
09:48I know I can crack this case.
09:50Do you need this to keep your mind off Travis being away?
09:52Desperately.
09:53Fine.
09:55Let's roll.
09:59It's just a list.
10:00No big deal.
10:01But now Nikki wants to know what I think of her.
10:04How much she means to me.
10:05How am I supposed to answer that?
10:07I mean, obviously I like her.
10:09I think she might be the one.
10:11Whoa, what did I just say?
10:12You think Nikki might be the...
10:14I know what I said.
10:15I just...
10:15Wait, what did I say?
10:17Nikki might be the...
10:18Stop saying it!
10:20Whoa, Nikki might really be the one?
10:22But I can't tell her that.
10:24What if she doesn't feel the same way?
10:27Your cooperation in this matter has been noted in my records.
10:31This guy is really racking up the charges.
10:34Are you sure we're gonna catch him?
10:36Of course.
10:36I made some notes on who we're looking for.
10:39He bought pants here at Huntington's,
10:40a shirt at Canadian Appeal,
10:42and a hat at the Bargain Fashion Hut.
10:44So we are looking for someone who looks like this.
10:51If I had colored pencils, it would look way better.
10:54See, I don't really get a lot of zits,
10:57so I thought long and hard about who I could ask for help,
11:00and then it hit me.
11:01Julie!
11:03So, brah, how do I make this sucker bigger?
11:08Trade secret?
11:09I can respect that.
11:11She must be the luckiest girl in the whole mall.
11:16Jonesy's list is the cure to loneliness,
11:18a means of eradicating the plague of solitude.
11:22Friends, rejects, lonely men.
11:24It's not what the list can do for us.
11:27It's what we can do with the list.
11:30All right!
11:32One list to rule the mall!
11:35Chocolate spread on pizza?
11:37How does that taste?
11:39Not important.
11:40What is important is that North Shore Surf and Skate Shop
11:44is raffling off a longboard.
11:46Gotta make sure my zit is set to maximum lucky before the draw.
11:51Something special about this skateboard?
11:53It's a brand new blacktop jungle deck shaped longboard.
11:57And it's been personally autographed
12:01by Christian Lotenza.
12:04Winner of last year's Monster Mayhem in Manitoba Skate Competition.
12:09So, yes?
12:11Hello?
12:12What?
12:14Okay.
12:15The thief just used my credit card at the Von Ditch store.
12:20We gotta go, boys.
12:21Just got the 411 and a 911.
12:23And when crime knocks on your door, it's time to...
12:26Long-distance relationships are hard.
12:28I really miss Travis.
12:30Come on, let's go.
12:33Careful.
12:34That's it gets much bigger.
12:36Any little thing could pop it.
12:38Dude, you think?
12:40I gotta protect the Luxster at all costs.
12:43Hey, I've heard that Wayne's getting an army together to try and take the list.
12:46Jude, I need you to hide this somewhere.
12:49And for safety's sake, even I can't know where it is.
12:52I'll hide it in the air vents.
12:54Perfect.
12:55Um...
12:55Now you know where it'll be.
12:57Jude!
12:57No prob.
12:58I'll hide it somewhere else.
13:00What the...
13:03Whoa.
13:05Nicky, what?
13:08Wow.
13:09Wow.
13:10Uh, hot.
13:11Think so?
13:12Good.
13:13Because as of right now, we are officially on breath.
13:16Hurry up.
13:17Gotta go.
13:19Don't hurt my Zet.
13:22Ugh.
13:23I'm so mad at him right now.
13:25I wish I could just smash that stupid PDA.
13:27Hey, do you know where it is?
13:29Jude said he was going to hide it in the air vents.
13:31Air vents.
13:31Got it.
13:32But now he's going to put it somewhere else.
13:35So he was a male.
13:37That's an affirmative.
13:39He used the credit card.
13:41Yes, we know that.
13:42And he signed the slip.
13:43See, cook?
13:45Yes.
13:46Yes, he did.
13:47Okay.
13:48Anything else you could tell us?
13:50Maybe a hypnotist could help you remember some...
13:52He said he was going to get something to eat.
13:55Well, then he's probably...
13:56Caitlin, wait.
13:58Something to eat.
14:00Something to eat.
14:02That could be a clue.
14:03He's probably in the food court.
14:05Easy, psychic.
14:06Not sure we have enough evidence to place him in the food court just yet.
14:10Were those his exact words?
14:12Something to eat?
14:14When I find this PDA, I'm going to crush it in my hands.
14:18Is that a mousetrap?
14:20What's that doing up here?
14:21Oh, no!
14:22Nice!
14:31I can totally see your underwear.
14:34That's because my boyfriend is a shallow pig who will never be capable of respecting
14:40women unless they're dressed like sleazy pop stars.
14:44If he can't tell me how he feels about me after all this time, maybe we should just break up.
14:49So, he didn't tell you he thinks you're the one?
14:52No, no, no, wait.
14:54He told you that?
14:56Whoa.
14:57The one?
14:59That list could change the lives of thousands of men.
15:03Perhaps, but I've already claimed them all hotty.
15:06Aren't you dating the taco girl?
15:07That is to whom I refer.
15:09Oh.
15:10So, you want to help her what?
15:12Secure as PDA, my M3X reader will extract the list.
15:15It'll be just like in Revenge of Clone 6 when he strips the memories of his maker and then takes
15:20on his own master's life.
15:22Or when a level 1 cleric claims the unguarded wand of L'Heringrin and transmogrifies?
15:28I don't get to say this very often, but you've outgeeked me.
15:32There, that should do it.
15:34Rock on, dude.
15:36Not only will this protect my zit, I think it's giving me bionic hearing.
15:44Whoa, I think someone just dropped a quarter.
15:52Purp at 10 o'clock.
16:01C Cooke.
16:03What does the C stand for?
16:05Katelyn.
16:05Katelyn.
16:06Uh-oh.
16:07Citizen's arrest.
16:10Calm all security.
16:11This card belongs to Katelyn Cooke.
16:14There you are.
16:16I was so worried.
16:17If I'd known you were so pretty, I never would have stolen from you.
16:20Thanks.
16:22Are those the new pants you bought?
16:24They look great.
16:26What are you doing?
16:28He's really cute.
16:30Maybe I shouldn't press charges.
16:32This guy is a criminal.
16:33Being good looking is not a crime.
16:36Can I buy you dinner sometime?
16:37Oh, yeah.
16:38With whose credit card?
16:40Katelyn, this guy stole from you.
16:42He went on a shopping spree that should have been yours, and now he wants you to pay for it.
16:47You're right.
16:48Book him, Ron.
16:49Sorry, Hot Stuff.
16:50Maybe there's something between us, and maybe there isn't.
16:53But I'm still sending you over.
16:55If you can't do the time, you don't do the crime.
16:59This was so much fun.
17:10There you are, shiny dude.
17:19Dude, this zit just saved my life.
17:33No, no, no, not a cream to shrink it, a cream to protect it.
17:39Don't you guys have some kind of zit shellac or anti-bursting foam?
17:44Oh.
17:46Help.
17:48Hang on.
17:49Hello?
17:50Bring the PDA to the fountain!
17:52Stop!
17:53Gotta run.
17:54But if you could give my predicament some thought, I'd appreciate it.
18:03Oh, man.
18:04We want the list, Jonesy.
18:07I'm afraid I can't do that, Wayne.
18:09The list is too powerful to place in the hands of a man like you.
18:13Then prepare to do battle.
18:15Oh.
18:24Ouch!
18:33Dude.
18:34Sweet.
18:35This isn't over.
18:36We'll never stop until we get that list.
18:39I can never let that happen, Wayne.
18:41So you leave me no choice.
18:48Why would you do that?
18:53The horror.
18:55The horror.
18:57Wyatt, the backup on this laptop is the last copy of the list.
19:01Once it's on your PDA, I'm deleting it.
19:04Just remember, with power comes responsibility.
19:07I'll use it wisely.
19:11This place reeks.
19:13How did you find us?
19:15Detective work.
19:16Following a trail is TV cop show 101.
19:19Can't do it.
19:22Okay.
19:24I'm sorry I made such a big deal before.
19:26Ugh.
19:27You don't have to give up your list.
19:29Already deleted it.
19:30I don't need it anymore.
19:31But I did change your entry before I handed it off to Wyatt.
19:34Go ahead.
19:35Read it out loud.
19:38Nicky.
19:39She's the one.
19:41Whoa.
19:42So.
19:44So.
19:45I feel the same way.
19:47You two can go now.
19:48This has got to be the most romantic thing that's ever happened in here.
19:55Love the skirt, by the way.
19:57Yep.
19:58All guys do.
19:59Whoa.
20:00Which guys?
20:01How many we talking?
20:07Heads up.
20:08Watch the zet.
20:09You got this.
20:10Go Jude.
20:11Good luck.
20:13Time for the draw.
20:14And the winner is.
20:16Come on, lucky zet.
20:19Shane Walker.
20:20That's me.
20:32That is nasty.
20:34Sorry.
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