- 16 hours ago
Still grieving the loss of her husband, a self-help author retreats to a cabin in Louisiana to gather her thoughts and work on her book. However, her trip soon turns into a nightmare when she is haunted by something far more sinister than her past.
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00:00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:47Thanks for waiting.
00:01:09My therapist thinks that I should stop talking to you, which is confusing because she's
00:01:22the one who suggested I start talking to you in the first place.
00:01:33She thinks that I can't move on, and I need you, and I know that you need me.
00:01:59I'm just going to have to find another therapist.
00:02:11Ready?
00:02:21He was apparently dating some girl at the time who, whenever they would get in an argument,
00:02:25she'd be like, well, you've never even seen Casablanca, as if that was some sort of like
00:02:31a prerequisite for being in a relationship.
00:02:35And I was just there that day because I had family in town, and I needed to escape for
00:02:39a few hours.
00:02:42But every time we would get in a fight, he would just look at me and go, here's looking
00:02:46at you, kid.
00:02:57And listen, I know you haven't felt up to it, but it is so important that you keep your
00:03:01audience engaged.
00:03:02They're worried about you.
00:03:04You need to share your process.
00:03:06Remember who you are.
00:03:08Mm-hmm.
00:03:08You're Faye fucking Ryan.
00:03:10Say it with me.
00:03:11You invented the new TLC.
00:03:13T-L-S-C.
00:03:15T-L-S-C.
00:03:16Tender love and self-care.
00:03:20T-L-S-C.
00:03:25I hate to do this to you.
00:03:26You know we all love you here at Lighthouse, and we really want to continue publishing
00:03:30your work.
00:03:31But, sweetie, if you can't get me a first draft, or at least the first three chapters by the
00:03:37end of the month, then I'm afraid we're going to have to drop you.
00:03:42Wow.
00:03:43Okay.
00:03:45Um, I thought I had till March.
00:03:48I know what we should do, okay?
00:03:51I have a plan.
00:03:51Look, I have a family cabin that we never use this time of year.
00:03:55It's in Louisiana on the bayou.
00:03:56It has everything you need.
00:03:58I'll make sure it's stocked for a week.
00:04:00What do you say?
00:04:00Hey, you need to get out of town.
00:04:03I used to love driving.
00:04:05Every Saturday morning when Jacob and I first got married, we would go golfing, and I would
00:04:12just take a drive.
00:04:13It honestly didn't even matter where I was going.
00:04:16I could be aimless.
00:04:17I would roll down the windows and blare my favorite music that Jacob thought was obnoxious,
00:04:24but that I loved.
00:04:27I would stop at a fast food restaurant and get french fries and just drive.
00:04:35I loved it.
00:04:46Now I hate it.
00:05:13Hey everybody, I know I've been pretty quiet on here.
00:05:18But I just wanted to tell you that I really appreciate all of your messages and I'm still here.
00:05:27And I just got to this amazing place because I'm going to be getting back to writing this week.
00:05:35So, stay tuned.
00:05:40Oh, score! And I have a porch swing, so everything's going to be fine.
00:05:47I don't know, chocolate dough. Everybody's talking tonight.
00:06:11Cool. Hey, guys.
00:06:15Oh, hey, Joe. Randy. Thanks for coming to my peaceful writing retreat.
00:06:25Come over for dinner. I'm making gumbo.
00:06:31Just kidding. I don't know how to cook.
00:06:44Wow.
00:06:44Wow.
00:06:45Oh.
00:06:54Oh.
00:06:57Oh.
00:06:57Oh.
00:07:12Ah.
00:07:20Oh.
00:07:22Oh.
00:07:23Oh.
00:07:23Oh.
00:07:48So when I was 10 years old, I was sitting in church with my family
00:07:53and when the entire congregation bowed their heads to pray,
00:07:56I remember thinking, why are we looking down when we pray?
00:08:03Like, isn't that where the devil lives?
00:08:14I mean, it's kind of cool, but why?
00:08:22Okay, Emery, don't have any of my other books, cool.
00:08:29It's not like I've been a bestseller three times.
00:08:35No, thanks.
00:08:41Wow.
00:08:43Guys.
00:08:47Really going to town over there.
00:08:52We're talking to God.
00:08:54Why aren't we looking up at him?
00:08:55So then I made this agreement that every time I closed my eyes
00:08:59or, like, I blinked, I would look up at God.
00:09:02It would be like I was, you know,
00:09:05saying all these little miniature prayers throughout the day.
00:09:08So, yeah, every time I blinked, I'd look up at God.
00:09:14And it turns out you blink a lot during the day.
00:09:18So then I was like, okay, I'm going to make this easier on myself.
00:09:21Every time I blink and swallow at the same time, that's when I look up at God.
00:09:26So then it became this thing, and I developed a tick.
00:09:34And then my mom told me that I was making people feel uncomfortable when I was doing it.
00:09:37And also she told me it wasn't pretty.
00:09:42So she obviously didn't know I was trying to ensure my salvation.
00:10:01You're just a bitch.
00:10:05You're a hateful bitch.
00:10:09I have OCD.
00:10:23I'm drinking
00:10:28You're good for my dear Mary's speaking
00:10:37But I think about you all the time
00:10:41I want to pull you
00:10:44One
00:10:47What you do
00:10:49Came through me
00:10:51To me
00:10:53But it's not that easy
00:11:01I've been drinking
00:11:04Remember that time we went to the Everglades?
00:11:07Yeah
00:11:09That was fun
00:11:11This place kind of reminds me of that, don't you think?
00:11:20Do we have a ghost?
00:11:30Piece of s**t
00:11:35Sorry babe, it's my mom
00:11:38Hey mom
00:11:39Sweetheart, where are you?
00:11:41We had dinner planned
00:11:42Oh, um, sh-
00:11:44Sorry
00:11:45Are you coming still?
00:11:47Do you want Bobby to come pick you up?
00:11:48No, I, I actually can't make it tonight
00:11:50I'm not in town
00:11:52Where are you?
00:11:53I'm in Louisiana
00:11:54Louisiana
00:11:54At, um, Emery's cabin for the week
00:11:57I have to write
00:11:58Oh, okay
00:12:01How did you get there? Did you fly?
00:12:03Um, I drove
00:12:07Oh, I drove
00:12:14Mom?
00:12:15Well, your brother's here
00:12:17You tell him you're not coming
00:12:19You know I can't make it through these family dinners
00:12:22Hi Bobby
00:12:24Sorry to disappoint
00:12:26Calm down, I forgive you
00:12:28Hey, can I ask you a real question?
00:12:30Nope, only a fake one
00:12:33Hey, is Ellie there?
00:12:34Don't you get contractual bereavement?
00:12:36Yeah, it's up
00:12:38Who decides how much time that is?
00:12:40Hey, that's bulls**t
00:12:41Hell, honey
00:12:43Stacy
00:12:44Hi, baby girl
00:12:45Stacy, are you coming?
00:12:48No, I'm sorry
00:12:50It'll have to be next time, okay?
00:12:52Okay
00:12:52Hey, I heard you started swimming lessons
00:12:54Do you like them?
00:12:56Yeah
00:12:57But sometimes the other kids are mean
00:13:00Do you want me to kill them?
00:13:02Hi
00:13:02I'm
00:13:03I'm
00:13:04Oh, no, that's
00:13:06Don't ever kill anyone
00:13:07That's not funny
00:13:08Fifi has had too much juice
00:13:10Don't tell your dad I said that, okay?
00:13:14Okay
00:13:15I gotta go
00:13:16Hi
00:13:17But
00:13:18Fifi loves you so, so much, baby girl
00:13:22I love you
00:13:23Okay, can you put Gam back on?
00:13:25Okay
00:13:26Okay
00:13:26Yeah
00:13:28Hey, Mom
00:13:29Hey, Mom
00:13:30I
00:13:31Uh
00:13:34Okay
00:13:40Are you okay?
00:13:42Yeah
00:13:42Hey, tell Dad I love you guys, but I gotta go
00:13:46Okay
00:13:49The way Jacob and I met was straight out of a rom-com movie
00:13:55It was, so we were, um, we were the only two people in this movie theater for a matinee showing
00:14:04of Casablanca
00:14:05Um
00:14:08Which, if you've ever seen that movie, you know, doesn't really garner laughter
00:14:12But I was, and still am to a degree, so uncomfortable with, like, super romantic things that I just, I
00:14:21would just laugh
00:14:22I just, I would uncontrollably laugh, um, throughout the entire movie
00:14:29Anyways, at the end of the movie, when the credits were rolling, I just heard him yell from the back
00:14:33of the theater
00:14:34Well, that was the dumbest piece of shit I've ever seen
00:14:38And
00:14:40Yeah, we walked out together and
00:14:42The rest was history
00:14:48The rest was history
00:14:49How rude
00:14:51I thought it was you
00:14:54You seemed sketched since the moment
00:14:58I saw you
00:15:00Babe
00:15:03Let's dance
00:15:05Hm?
00:15:10Come on
00:15:12Come on
00:15:15Get up
00:15:15See if he's had
00:15:19A lot of juice
00:15:21You're gonna have to home me up
00:15:24The
00:15:25Oh
00:15:28Mm
00:15:41Oh
00:15:43Oh
00:15:45Okay
00:15:47Oh
00:15:50Oh
00:15:56Babe
00:16:06Babe, let's go to bed
00:16:08You're gonna be alright.
00:16:09Come on
00:16:16Babe
00:16:29Babe.
00:16:31Babe.
00:16:37Stop.
00:16:56I don't know.
00:16:57I don't know.
00:16:58I don't know.
00:16:58I don't know.
00:16:59I don't know.
00:17:00I don't know.
00:17:01I don't know.
00:17:02I don't know.
00:17:03I don't know.
00:17:04I don't know.
00:17:05I don't know.
00:17:06I don't know.
00:17:07I don't know.
00:17:08I don't know.
00:17:09I don't know.
00:17:13I don't know.
00:17:14I don't know.
00:17:15I don't know.
00:17:30I'll be back.
00:17:38Okay.
00:17:41Okay.
00:17:45Okay.
00:17:46Okay.
00:17:47Okay.
00:17:59Okay.
00:18:00You did that.
00:18:09No.
00:18:11Die.
00:18:15Oh my God.
00:18:17Oh my God.
00:18:17No.
00:18:47No.
00:18:49No.
00:18:53No.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh my God.
00:19:11Oh.
00:19:17Oh.
00:19:20Oh.
00:19:31I am blind.
00:19:41Ah.
00:19:44What the f***?
00:19:46Oh my God.
00:19:51What the f*** is that?
00:19:56What?
00:20:03Ah.
00:20:10Wow, Faye.
00:20:13You're an alcoholic.
00:20:16Hey!
00:20:17Yesterday was great.
00:20:19I wanted to tell you that I think you should post a few more videos today for your followers.
00:20:23Just remember to let them in on your pro-
00:20:26Emery?
00:20:34Hope there's another one of these.
00:20:38You know what's funny?
00:20:40I've always been advised by people in the industry to, uh, to be authentic.
00:20:46You know, to share my truth.
00:20:48Because they think that audiences somehow can detect when somebody's being honest, and if they're being honest then they'll be
00:20:55more attracted to that.
00:20:56You know, I'll sell more books.
00:20:58I'll be more popular.
00:21:05Hmm.
00:21:08Why so sad?
00:21:14Give you some water after I go tell my fans about my process.
00:21:19What?
00:21:22People hear what they want to hear.
00:21:24Hey everyone.
00:21:25Um, it is absolutely beautiful out here.
00:21:29I wish you guys could all see it in person.
00:21:32Um, but I just wanted to pop back in and say that the book is going great.
00:21:38I cannot wait for the day that I get to share it with you all.
00:21:42Um, leave me a comment below and let me know what you're excited about this week.
00:21:48And I'm gonna go start a new chapter.
00:21:56Start a new chapter.
00:21:57Start a new chapter.
00:22:16Hey babe.
00:22:36Hey, I'm gonna go take a walk really quick.
00:22:39That's okay.
00:22:41No, I'm fine.
00:22:43I'm fine.
00:22:44Babe.
00:22:45I promise, I'm fine.
00:22:48Go start dinner.
00:22:49I'll be there in a second.
00:23:12Okay.
00:23:20You're fine.
00:23:22You're fine.
00:23:29Okay.
00:23:42Okay.
00:23:44Okay.
00:23:45Okay.
00:23:53Okay.
00:23:56Okay.
00:24:08Okay.
00:24:11Okay.
00:24:11Okay.
00:24:13Okay.
00:24:13Okay.
00:24:16When I was in fourth grade, Rachel Schaefer invited me to one of her slumber parties.
00:24:22Um, I didn't have very many friends when I was younger, so I was super excited about it.
00:24:28Anyways, when, um, when Rachel's parents went up to go to sleep, Rachel snuck upstairs and grabbed the movie Halloween.
00:24:36I remember trying my hardest to act like I wasn't scared.
00:24:42I thought maybe that would make them all like me.
00:24:48I woke up the next morning, um, covered in my own piss.
00:24:56I found out years later that they had dipped my hand in warm water while I was sleeping.
00:25:03Yeah, I hate Rachel Schaefer.
00:25:06Should we have kids?
00:25:09I know I said I didn't want them, but maybe.
00:25:12Are you sure you're not hungry?
00:25:17I know, I know.
00:25:22All work and no play makes Faye so tired.
00:25:41You don't want to be here, do you?
00:25:46It's okay, I can tell.
00:25:54Shall I just call Emery?
00:25:59I should just call.
00:26:03I should just call and say I'm done.
00:26:08Let's just take the year off and travel.
00:26:12I mean, we missed our honeymoon because I was doing this shit.
00:26:16Let's go live out your bizarre foods fantasy.
00:26:20What do you say?
00:26:22I don't want this.
00:26:29I want you.
00:26:38Do you think I'm a good writer?
00:26:41To be honest, do you really?
00:26:48What was that?
00:26:52What was that?
00:26:54What was that?
00:27:00Did you hear that?
00:27:01Did you hear that?
00:27:03Say something!
00:27:06Sorry, I'm sorry.
00:27:09What do I do?
00:27:11What do I do?
00:27:14It's okay.
00:27:16I'm just gonna see what it is.
00:27:19Okay.
00:27:20Okay.
00:27:46What is this?
00:27:47Who the hell is in this house?
00:27:50Get out.
00:27:51Please leave me alone.
00:27:53Am I getting crazy?
00:28:14What are my feelings?
00:28:15What am I doing?
00:28:21I'm just gonna say, you're starting to march.
00:28:21It's okay.
00:28:21You're not.
00:28:21I'm really excited.
00:28:21What are you doing?
00:28:24What are you doing?
00:28:26What are you doing?
00:28:31I'm just gonna get my way around.
00:28:42I'm gonna go check upstairs.
00:28:56Hey, Jacob.
00:29:08Oh, no.
00:29:33If you do this...
00:29:42We have to talk.
00:30:09Get in the closet. We'll just wait.
00:30:45The movie Halloween was super terrifying, though.
00:30:48For years, I couldn't walk home from school without looking over my shoulder, thinking
00:30:53that there was going to be a man in a white mask following me.
00:30:58I don't know.
00:31:00He was so calm.
00:31:03You know, and he walked so slow.
00:31:05I think that's what made it so terrifying he was going to get what he wanted.
00:31:10I always thought it was so annoying how everybody loved Jamie Lee Curtis' character because she survived.
00:31:17You know, she, like, hides in a closet and still survives.
00:31:23I just wanted to scream at people and be like, surviving isn't fun.
00:31:30Like, honestly, I'd rather be the one that gets murdered.
00:31:35Who's so big?
00:31:36Yeah.
00:31:49Holy shit.
00:31:51Holy shit!
00:31:53Holy shit!
00:31:57Holy shit!
00:31:59Holy shit!
00:33:49And this from the Times Book Review.
00:33:52Faye Ryan is what we would get if Renee Brown and Amy Schumer had a semi-cynical little sister who
00:33:58is simply wise beyond her years.
00:34:01This time, Faye puts the grieving process into a new perspective, both personal and heartbreaking.
00:34:08Faye peppers the prose with her signature dark humor, albeit a little darker than usual this go-around.
00:34:16We could all learn a lesson in the dangers of loneliness, as Faye writes like she's texting her best friend
00:34:23late at night in what is her most vulnerable and raw work to date.
00:34:35I actually kind of like that one.
00:34:40Say, guess what?
00:34:42You're back up on the Times bestsellers list.
00:34:45Really?
00:34:46Yes!
00:34:47Why?
00:34:48Because you're engaging your audience, eh?
00:34:50They know you're writing again.
00:34:51Everybody wants to get a head start before the next one.
00:34:54Keep it up.
00:34:55So, how far along are we?
00:34:58Um, it looks like two chapters.
00:35:02Excellent.
00:35:03Was the bridge stopped?
00:35:04Are you eating?
00:35:05Is everything, everything good up there?
00:35:07Uh, yes.
00:35:09Yeah.
00:35:09Um, thank you again for that.
00:35:11Okay.
00:35:12I'll check in tomorrow.
00:35:14Hey, Em.
00:35:15Yep.
00:35:20Um, have you ever experienced anything, like, paranormal here?
00:35:27Oh, yeah, there's a ghost for sure.
00:35:30His name's Randy.
00:35:31Totally friendly.
00:35:33Really?
00:35:34What?
00:35:34No!
00:35:35It's just quiet out there.
00:35:37You can hear the wind at night.
00:35:39Hey, take it easy, Faye.
00:35:41Okay, babe?
00:35:41Okay, bye, Em.
00:35:43Bye.
00:35:49Bye.
00:36:22Bye.
00:36:26Okay.
00:36:30You got me.
00:36:33you got me
00:36:38come out
00:36:40come on out
00:36:44come out come out wherever you are
00:36:53okay
00:36:56well if you're not gonna let me out then why don't you join me for breakfast
00:37:01huh yeah come on you think this is funny right
00:37:10I could use a laugh so why don't you tell me a joke
00:37:22yeah come on
00:37:29I'm waiting
00:37:37no
00:37:39you know what would be better than breakfast
00:37:45you're gonna like this
00:37:48you wanna drink
00:37:52because I do
00:37:56yeah
00:37:58let's have a drink why don't you come join me at the table
00:38:02let's drink like a family
00:38:09still waiting on my joke
00:38:14okay
00:38:17okay
00:38:17okay
00:38:20I'll start
00:38:22I'll start
00:38:23you ready for this one
00:38:27this is hilarious
00:38:28yes
00:38:29yes
00:38:31my husband
00:38:34was a saint
00:38:39he died
00:38:40and he died
00:38:41in a car crash
00:38:43because of me
00:38:46yeah
00:38:47I know
00:38:49because I just had to go
00:38:51to another event
00:38:52to win some dumb award for another book that I wrote
00:38:56a book that I pulled
00:38:57right on out of my ass
00:39:06he didn't even want to go
00:39:12he probably didn't want to go to any of them
00:39:15but he did
00:39:16for me
00:39:23and now here I am
00:39:27alive
00:39:31so alive
00:39:36isn't that funny
00:39:39so what do you do around here
00:39:40just like hang out
00:39:44knock
00:39:45over
00:39:47you just
00:39:49just go around
00:39:51slapping other people's
00:39:54upper
00:39:55pussy area you
00:39:56dick that was my me time
00:39:59oh
00:40:00oh
00:40:03oh
00:40:06what's
00:40:07what's behind door number
00:40:09two
00:40:10hmm
00:40:13oh
00:40:15ah
00:40:16ah
00:40:22that's good
00:40:25okay
00:40:28I
00:40:29get it
00:40:30ah
00:40:31that's so funny
00:40:34funny
00:40:34you
00:40:36are
00:40:37okay
00:40:39a disturbed
00:40:41young
00:40:43self-help author slash
00:40:46recent widow
00:40:47finds a Ouija board
00:40:50and dies
00:40:51in a cabin in the woods
00:40:52while she's trying to contact her dead husband
00:40:57oh
00:40:58oh
00:40:59oh
00:40:59oh
00:41:00oh
00:41:04that's rich
00:41:09listen
00:41:10captain howdy
00:41:14i don't write fiction
00:41:17i write things that are loosely based on the truth
00:41:22sometimes
00:41:23sometimes i wonder if i'm a narcissist because i make everything about me
00:41:27but then
00:41:28other times i
00:41:30i think i can't be a narcissist because
00:41:33i am literally the last person that i want to be around
00:41:36hey
00:41:39hey do you follow me on socials
00:41:42how am i doing
00:41:44whoops
00:41:45did i tell you i'm a bestseller again
00:41:48whoop dee
00:41:49but we all know
00:41:51that success
00:41:52doesn't mean anything
00:41:54unless we have somebody to share it with
00:41:57right babe
00:41:59i got you babe
00:42:02i got my baby
00:42:04and he is a smokin' hot
00:42:08mmm
00:42:11oh my god
00:42:13let's take this
00:42:15show live
00:42:22hey everybody
00:42:25i got a little uh
00:42:27i got a little writer's retreat tip
00:42:31for you
00:42:33for one
00:42:34for your checklist
00:42:37sometimes
00:42:47i forgot what i was gonna say
00:42:53oh yeah
00:42:54sometimes
00:42:56you have to get your inspiration
00:42:59from the beyond
00:43:01i remember
00:43:05when every 12 year old girl
00:43:07watched the crab
00:43:08and then played light as a feather stick as a board
00:43:14we were all low-key in a coven
00:43:17so fucked up
00:43:21ugh
00:43:22ugh
00:43:23i'm at my publisher's
00:43:25cabin
00:43:28and it turns out
00:43:31she made a deal with the devil
00:43:34mmm
00:43:35mmm
00:43:36mmm
00:43:39so
00:43:40leave a comment below if yous a witchy hoe
00:43:57emory
00:43:58what the
00:43:59are you doing
00:43:59are you drunk
00:44:02oh no
00:44:03no
00:44:05i'm enlightened
00:44:06faye so help me god take down that last post
00:44:08sober up
00:44:10and get yourself together
00:44:12if i didn't care for you as much as i do i would fire your ass right now
00:44:15don't do it
00:44:16faye
00:44:16do it
00:44:18faye you are in such fucking thin ice right now i will come down there if you don't remove the
00:44:22last post
00:44:22and we will have to let you go if you can't stop acting like a five-year-old
00:44:25you know emory
00:44:25i got a deal for you
00:44:27how about
00:44:29how about
00:44:31i don't write this book
00:44:34how about it
00:44:36what the are you doing
00:44:38how about it
00:44:39faye
00:44:39i understand that you're having a rough day
00:44:42okay
00:44:42okay
00:44:43i get that you are reliving everything to write this book
00:44:47you don't know
00:44:48emory
00:44:49faye
00:44:50stop acting like you know what happened
00:44:54you're right i don't know but you do
00:44:56and it's up to you to help other people who are going through the same thing
00:44:59let them know they're not alone
00:45:02except for
00:45:04they are alone
00:45:08i'm alone
00:45:10you are not alone say
00:45:11you are not alone
00:45:15remember when michael jackson sang that song to lisa marie
00:45:19and then they got a divorce
00:45:21and then she was alone
00:45:26and he got to keep bubbles
00:45:30and those little boys that was so up
00:45:35faye
00:45:35oh my god i did love that free willie song though
00:45:40faye
00:45:41what
00:45:41i don't want to stop you in your process
00:45:44but you cannot pull like this
00:45:46you'll be on tmz tomorrow and your career will be over
00:45:49oh no that would be the worst
00:45:53why don't you just take it down
00:45:55hey i'll give you my uh you take it down
00:45:57i'll give you my password get a pen
00:46:00get a paper
00:46:01get your family
00:46:02get your husband
00:46:03get your things
00:46:05write this down
00:46:06my password is i'm a piece of
00:46:08one two three
00:46:11okay
00:46:12okay that's it
00:46:13no
00:46:13i'm coming down
00:46:14no no no no no no
00:46:17no
00:46:18don't worry about it
00:46:20i'll take it down
00:46:21i promise
00:46:23just
00:46:25god
00:46:25take a joke
00:46:26i'm not kidding
00:46:27sober up
00:46:28take a cold shower
00:46:30and call me tonight
00:46:31okay
00:46:37somebody
00:46:38has their panties
00:46:41in a wad
00:46:43oh
00:46:44okay
00:46:45look at all you little witchy hoes
00:46:49i have to delete it
00:46:52i'm sorry
00:46:58hey
00:47:01hey
00:47:02hey
00:47:05you wanna play a game
00:47:08yeah
00:47:10okay
00:47:12okay
00:47:13i just have to pee first
00:47:17don't start without me
00:47:20i started writing when i was nine
00:47:23yeah
00:47:25every night before bed i would write my journal
00:47:29i felt like such an adult thing to do
00:47:32you're actually kind of cute to look back and read now
00:47:36the problems i had back then were cute
00:48:04did you wilt my flowers
00:48:06did you wilt my flowers?
00:48:09rude
00:48:28who are you?
00:48:34do i know you?
00:48:46do i know you?
00:48:48yes
00:48:49even of course
00:48:50yes
00:49:15yes
00:49:16yes
00:49:17no
00:49:19Jacob?
00:49:23Is this Jacob?
00:49:28Are you with him?
00:49:47Please answer. Please answer.
00:49:53Hey, hi.
00:49:54Mom.
00:49:55Faye? What's wrong?
00:49:57Did I make this happen?
00:49:59What? Honey, what are you talking about?
00:50:03Was I a bad kid or something? What did I do? I don't understand.
00:50:09Okay. Calm down. Just breathe.
00:50:12I can't.
00:50:13Yes, you can.
00:50:15Just breathe. You have to do that, okay?
00:50:18Mom.
00:50:19You're okay.
00:50:20I'm scared.
00:50:21Okay. What are you scared of?
00:50:24I don't know. I don't know. I'm just scared.
00:50:27Okay. Oh, it's okay. Just breathe.
00:50:30Okay. You're okay.
00:50:33Everything is just so messed up.
00:50:37You're okay.
00:50:38It's not supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to be like this.
00:50:44Hey?
00:50:47What do you mean, baby?
00:50:50He's supposed to be here.
00:50:52Okay. Honey, I know it hurts.
00:50:55It hurts so fucking bad. And it's my fault.
00:51:03Uh-uh. No. It is not your fault.
00:51:07But if I just would have skipped the event like he wanted to do, then he would be here.
00:51:15He would be here with me right now.
00:51:19All right, babe. I'm gonna come get you.
00:51:21No.
00:51:21What's the address? Where are you?
00:51:23I need to finish.
00:51:25Tell me how to find you.
00:51:27Um, you need to come home.
00:51:30Honey, you-
00:51:31Baby, you cannot keep playing yourself.
00:51:34Only God knows why that.
00:51:37Mom.
00:51:38What, baby?
00:51:41Faye?
00:51:42I gotta go.
00:51:44No. Faye, no.
00:51:46I love you.
00:51:47Faye, don't-
00:52:06Is this my punishment?
00:52:13If you're gonna kill me, just do it.
00:52:16No need to drag it out.
00:52:24I already don't wanna be here. Just do it.
00:52:29Come on!
00:52:36What are you?
00:52:39Say something.
00:52:43Say something!
00:52:45Be you-
00:52:48Oh, no, no. Please, please.
00:52:55Oh, God. God.
00:52:57God, why-
00:52:59Please!
00:53:04Please, please!
00:53:07Please, please.
00:53:15Please, please stop, go, go away, go away, stop, stop, stop, stop, please, please, stop.
00:53:38When I was younger, I mean, like, when I was really young, I used to beg my parents to put
00:53:44a lock on the outside of my bedroom door because I was terrified that I would sleepwalk in the middle
00:53:54of the night and because I knew where all the knives were in the home,
00:53:59that maybe I would get them and then I would murder my whole family.
00:54:06It sounds weird when I say it out loud, but I was just, I was terrified as a little, I
00:54:12was so scared.
00:54:13I was scared that maybe subconsciously I was evil or there was something wrong with me or maybe, like, I
00:54:20had impulses that I didn't even know that I had.
00:54:23And if I were sleeping, I wouldn't be able to control those impulses.
00:54:26And I just, oh my God, I just remember being so terrified that maybe in the middle of the night
00:54:33I could do that.
00:54:34And I didn't want to.
00:54:36It was never, obviously, it wasn't something that I wanted to do.
00:54:39I was just really scared of myself.
00:54:44Ah.
00:54:51I think I'm still really scared of myself.
00:54:58Oh.
00:55:01Please.
00:55:38I need a miracle. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Jade. I'm so sorry.
00:55:53Give me one more chance and I swear I won't fuck it up. I'll do anything I will.
00:56:04Can we just start over? Can we just start over?
00:56:19Can we just start over?
00:56:49Can we just start over?
00:57:00Can we just start over?
00:57:29Can we just start over?
00:57:49Can we ever exist in this linear way that we experience it? Like everything is happening now. Everything. Every version
00:57:58of myself that has ever existed is happening right now.
00:58:05But then that makes me really sad because then I wonder, well then, then do I always have Jacob?
00:58:17Or have I never had him?
00:58:23I don't know if that makes sense.
00:58:24I don't know if that makes sense.
00:58:27No.
00:58:56You're okay.
00:59:03I don't know.
00:59:43I don't know.
01:00:07I don't know.
01:00:07That morning, he turned off my alarm clock.
01:00:17He knew that I couldn't sleep in.
01:00:21I could never sleep in.
01:00:24That wasn't an option for me.
01:00:26My day was planned down to the minute, but he turned off my alarm and he let me sleep in
01:00:34because he knew that I needed it.
01:00:41And I was so mad at him.
01:00:45I was so mad at him.
01:00:53Why?
01:00:56I was always so tired.
01:00:58I don't remember.
01:01:04You did.
01:01:07I mean, if I would have known that that was his last morning, maybe...
01:01:13I don't know.
01:01:14Maybe I would have been nicer.
01:01:21But I'm not nice.
01:01:29I'm not nice.
01:01:41I don't have any friends.
01:01:46I used to.
01:01:50Jacob married me when I had no money, but I had friends.
01:01:53He married me before I was anyone.
01:02:00And we would laugh.
01:02:05We would laugh about everything.
01:02:12Like if he was going to die, he should have died laughing.
01:02:21But I took that away from him.
01:02:27Was this the last thing he saw before he died?
01:02:57That's going to leave a scar.
01:03:10Faye, it's Em.
01:03:12This isn't funny.
01:03:14Where are my chapters?
01:03:20Faye, it's Em.
01:03:21Why aren't you answering?
01:03:22Where are you?
01:03:23Call me back as soon as you get this message.
01:03:26I know what I have to do.
01:03:33Stop.
01:03:35You've just finished your first book.
01:03:37How do you feel?
01:03:39Um...
01:03:40You really want to know?
01:03:41I know how I feel.
01:03:42I've never been more proud.
01:03:44Aw, baby.
01:03:45You're going to make me cry.
01:03:47What now?
01:03:47What's the dream?
01:03:49What does Faye L. Ryan want?
01:03:51Now she's about to unleash her words into the world.
01:03:54You're so dumb.
01:03:57Um...
01:03:58Honestly?
01:03:59Tell me.
01:04:00I don't know what happens next.
01:04:02But what I want is to just make a difference.
01:04:08This book helps one person.
01:04:09Seriously, just one person.
01:04:11And I'll know I've done something for a while.
01:04:14You heard it here first.
01:04:15Ladies and gentlemen.
01:04:16Stop.
01:04:18I love you.
01:04:19I love you.
01:04:20I love you.
01:04:21Hey, babe.
01:04:22Uh, I know you're having a hard day.
01:04:23So I'm picking up Indian food and I'm at Martin's now.
01:04:27I can't remember which one it is that you like better.
01:04:29Is it The Prisoner or The Pessimist?
01:04:32The Pessimist?
01:04:33These are terrible names.
01:04:36Because a pessimist is never disappointed.
01:04:40It's actually good marketing.
01:04:46Hey, babe.
01:04:47Uh, I know you're having a hard day.
01:04:49So I'm picking up Indian food and I'm at Martin's now.
01:04:52I can't remember which one it is that you like better.
01:04:55Is it The Prisoner or The Pessimist?
01:04:58This is a public apology for lying to you.
01:05:08It used to mean everything I said.
01:05:11But somewhere along the way I started to say what people wanted to hear.
01:05:16The version of me you see is strong, put together, kind, compassionate, a teacher, a healer.
01:05:33All that.
01:05:34And I was that.
01:05:38I was.
01:05:39When my books started getting popular, people would tell me that I had turned their lives around.
01:05:47And I started feeling responsible for a lot.
01:05:53A lot of hearts.
01:05:55And I felt like I couldn't make a mistake.
01:05:58And there were so many people telling me what to do all the time.
01:06:05That I forgot the sound of my own voice.
01:06:10I was miserable.
01:06:15And I took my misery out on the people closest to me.
01:06:19I pushed all of my real friends away.
01:06:26I pushed my husband away.
01:06:30I was fighting with him.
01:06:36When I ran a red light that caused the accident that killed him.
01:06:55The truth is.
01:07:01I'm a failure.
01:07:06I'm supposed to be writing a book about healing right now.
01:07:09And.
01:07:14I've come to realize that you can only heal.
01:07:18If you want to.
01:07:23I don't want to.
01:07:27Because I don't deserve it.
01:07:35I'm sorry I let you down.
01:08:00I'm sorry.
01:08:04I'm sorry.
01:08:32Are you ever aware of when you're taking something too far?
01:08:37You know, like with anything.
01:08:40It could be you're having an argument with somebody and you know that if you just say that one thing,
01:08:45that one thing, that you could lose them forever.
01:09:13I don't know.
01:09:15I don't know.
01:09:16I don't know.
01:09:24I don't know.
01:09:27I don't know.
01:10:16I would never write this in a book because quite frankly, I wouldn't have a career if I did.
01:10:24But I fucking live for those moments.
01:10:27I don't know.
01:10:56I don't know.
01:11:00I don't know.
01:11:10I don't know.
01:11:15I don't know.
01:11:17I don't know.
01:11:18I don't know.
01:11:21I don't know.
01:11:34I don't know.
01:12:02I don't know.
01:12:16This is another excerpt from the book.
01:12:20I have scars all over my body.
01:12:23My healed wounds.
01:12:26My reminders.
01:12:27I can't help but think about that scene in Jaws where Hooper, Quint and Brody sit around comparing scars.
01:12:35This was a shark.
01:12:36This was a fight.
01:12:38This one.
01:12:39She broke my heart.
01:12:41And they laugh.
01:12:43They laugh over old wounds together.
01:12:47While the monster still lurks in the depths of the ocean right beneath their boat.
01:13:01Hey.
01:13:02Hey, Mom.
01:13:03Are you still in Louisiana?
01:13:05I'm sorry.
01:13:05I haven't gotten back.
01:13:07Um, I'm actually just about to leave Emory's.
01:13:10You finished up?
01:13:11Mm-hmm.
01:13:11Really?
01:13:12That's great.
01:13:13Why don't you stop by on your way back?
01:13:16Yeah, that's actually, um, that's actually why I'm calling.
01:13:21I was wondering if maybe I could come stay with you for a little while.
01:13:29I would love that.
01:13:30Nothing would make me happier.
01:13:35Yeah.
01:13:37It's just, um, I could really use the company.
01:13:43Come home, sweetheart.
01:13:46I'll get your room ready.
01:13:48Mm-hmm.
01:13:52Okay.
01:13:53I love you.
01:13:53Love you.
01:13:55Bye, babe.
01:13:56Bye.
01:14:03Life isn't easy.
01:14:06And we're just bobbing in the ebb and flow.
01:14:08The cycle never ends.
01:14:10But it's all important.
01:14:12It all belongs.
01:14:14The wins.
01:14:16The losses.
01:14:17The fear.
01:14:19The laughter.
01:14:20The pain.
01:14:21The heartbreak.
01:14:23I've spent the last six months talking to my dead husband.
01:14:27Pretending he was still alive.
01:14:29Like nothing happened.
01:14:32But something did happen.
01:14:35A tragedy happened.
01:14:42The kind of story I've read too many times to count, but not one I could accept as my own.
01:14:48I didn't want to heal.
01:14:50Because healing would mean that I had to acknowledge that I was broken.
01:14:54And when something heals, it doesn't mean it goes back to its original state.
01:14:59Jacob is never coming back.
01:15:03My life will never be the same.
01:15:06Grief.
01:15:10Is terrifying.
01:15:13And it's never been defeated by a one-man army.
01:15:21But what if it's not supposed to be a fight?
01:15:31That's it.
01:15:34We're in.
01:15:36Are we done?
01:15:40Okay.
01:15:46You presented.
01:15:48I don't exist!
01:16:17I don't know what you want.
01:16:19I'm sorry.
01:16:20I don't know why not.
01:16:22Oh boy.
01:16:37Great peace!
01:16:39There's a reproof!
01:16:40Why have you died?
01:16:41You
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